* The opening flashback to the infamous [[TheMafia mob convention]] known as the [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apalachin_Meeting Apalachin Meeting]], with out-of-place urbanite mafioso coping with cows getting too close to their cars.
** And then the cops show up, forcing every mob boss to smash their way out of every door and window to escape arrest. Has to be witnessed as there is no way to describe how funny it is to see obese mobsters run for their lives.
** Apparently Vitti's dad and his partner only escaped by hijacking a tractor from a local farmer.
--> '''Vitti''': Story is they drove it all the way back to Bensonhurst, though my father says they only got as far as Poughkeepsie.
** Years later the same situation plays out again, complete with a fat guy running away and falling down.
* Vitti's response to "modernizing" organized crime.
--> "What do I need? A fuckin' website?"
* After Vitti survives an attempt on his life, Sobel suggests Vitti to phone Primo and talk things over:
--> '''Vitti''': Whoever did that thing to you-know-who, that good friend of mine, they're trying to do that to me now, and I'm having a lot of feelings about that. And I'm... and I'm trying to get some... some...
--> '''Sobel''' (whispering): Closure.
--> '''Vitti''': ...closure on that, ya know?
-->'''Primo''': What kind of feelings?
--> '''Vitti''': I'm... I'm very angry, I'm feeling very angry about that. I'm... I'm really... uh... I'm enraged, I'm feeling very, very mad about that.
-->'''Primo''': So why are you telling me?
--> '''Vitti''': Why am I telling you? Like you don't know nothing about it, huh? You don't know... what?
-->'''Primo''': I don't know what your talking about.
--> '''Vitti''': Okay, whatever, whatever. I'm just trying to...
--> '''Sobel''' (whispering): "Tell you about my feelings..."
--> '''Vitti''': ...tell you about my feelings and that, uh...
--> '''Sobel''' (whispering): "I'm angry..."
--> '''Vitti''': ...I'm angry and... and that anger is a...
--> '''Sobel''' (whispering): blocked wish...
--> '''Vitti''': ...a blocked wish. And I'm looking forward to seeing you... next week at that thing, and then I can... unblock that angered wish... and then hopefully... ''(sees Sobel's hopeful look, then decides he's had enough playing nice)'' ...[[MoodWhiplash hopefully, you make one more move on me]], [[ClusterFBomb you motherfucker, I'll fuckin' cut your fuckin' balls off and shove them up your fuckin' ass. I'll fuckin' bury you! I'll put fuckin' ice picks in your eyes, I'll chop your fuckin' eyeballs, I'll send them to your fuckin' family so they can eat 'em for dessert!]] You understand me?!
--> '''Primo''': Hey, Paul...
--> '''Vitti''': What?
--> '''Primo''': Fuck you.
--> '''Vitti''': You MOTHER... FUCKER! ''(smashes the phone on the floor)''
--> '''Primo''' ''(to henchman)'': Get a dictionary. Find out what this "closure" thing is. If that's what he's going to hit us with, I want to know what it is.
--> '''Vitti''' ''(to Sobel)'': How was that?
--> '''Sobel''': It was going great until the... cutting off of the balls and shoving it up his ass.
* Pillow therapy.
--> '''Sobel''': You know, whenever I get angry, I hit a pillow. Here, hit this pillow.
--> '''Vitti''' ''(pulls out a gun and unloads about six rounds into a defenseless cushion, feathers flying everywhere)'': There's your fucking pillow.
--> '''Sobel''' ''(wincing)'': Feel better?
--> '''Vitti''' ''(thinks it over)'': Yeah... I do.
--> '''Sobel''': Good.
* Sobel coming to find Jelly and Vitti at the scene of a crime where a rival mobster was chucked out a window, resulting in Sobel's wedding getting "crashed."
--> '''Vitti''': He probably left [[SuicideNote a note]]. Jelly, did they find that note?\\
'''Jelly''': ''(scrambling for a pen)'' [[MakeItLookLikeASuicide Uh, no, but they will in a minute.]]\\
'''Sobel''': Oh, and let me guess what it says? "[[SarcasmMode Life is bullshit, I can't fuckin' take it no more! Signed, The Dead Guy!]]"\\
'''Jelly''': [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Hey, that's good, Doc.]]
* After Sobel tells Vitti about ''Film/TheGodfather'' dream he had, we get Vitti's response:
-->'''Vitti''': I was [[ButtMonkey Fredo]]? I don't think so.
* "You... you... you're good, you!"
* Sobel joining Vitti at a funeral to talk to him. Vitti enters the church, dabs his hand in the holy water and crosses himself. Sobel, who is AmbiguouslyJewish, uses it to wash the back of his neck.
* Jelly pulling Sobel away from his second attempt to get married, complete with the two of them hastily walking down the isle as the wedding march plays.
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEkhmmFCt6Q You are a tragedy queen]]!
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2ODU93wVdg&t=1m46s Vitti's reaction]] when Sobel suggests that Vitti might have had an UsefulNotes/OedipusComplex.
--> '''Vitti''': What are you saying, that I wanted to fuck my mother?
--> '''Sobel''': No, it's a primal fantasy-
--> '''Vitti''': Have you ever seen my mother!?
--> '''Sobel''': Paul-
--> '''Vitti''': Are you out of your fucking mind!?
--> '''Sobel''': It's [[AllPsychologyIsFreudian Freud]]!
--> '''Vitti''': Well, then Freud's a sick fuck and you are too for bringing it up!
* After Jelly and another one of Vitti's goons gets splashed by a whale at a seapark.
--> '''Goon''': Do you think those whales piss in that water?
--> '''Jelly''': [[SarcasmMode No, no. I think they use the men's room next door to the Burger King.]]