''Yellowbeard'' is a 1983 comedy film starring Creator/GrahamChapman, along with Creator/PeterCook, [=Bernard McKenna=] and David Sherlock. It was directed by Mel Damski, and was Creator/MartyFeldman's last film appearance. Other well known stars are Peter Boyle, Creator/CheechAndChong, Creator/EricIdle, Creator/JohnCleese, Madeline Kahn, Kenneth Mars, Creator/JamesMason, Creator/SpikeMilligan, Nigel Planer [[note]] Neil in ''Series/TheYoungOnes'' [[/note]] and Music/DavidBowie as the shark.

In the 17th century, the pirate Yellowbeard was incarcerated for twenty years for tax evasion -- apart from his years terrorizing the high seas. He survives the sentence without disclosing the whereabouts of his vast treasure ("...in spite of twenty years of rehabilitation. And torture."). The Royal Navy hatches a plot to increase his sentence by [[LongerThanLifeSentence one hundred and forty years]], knowing that he'll escape in a rage to set out for his treasure. This he does, recruiting a motley crew of companions. He left a map of the treasure in the chimney of his wife's pub, but she burned it -- however, she ''also'' had it tattooed on their son's head. Things go wrong when his former shipmate-turned-traitor Bosun Moon's press gangs take over their ship. With the head of the Secret Service hot on their trail they eventually find the island, where a group of AWOL Spanish conquistadors have taken residence with their ill-gotten gains, and the battle for the treasure commences...


!!''Yellowbeard'' contains examples of:

* TheAlcoholic: Lord Lambourn is scarcely seen without a bottle in hand
* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking: The eponymous pirate has committed a long list of heinous crimes, but he was finally [[UsefulNotes/AlCapone convicted for tax evasion]].
* BadBadActing: When El Nebuloso's fort is attacked by the pirates, he orders his forces to pretend to be defeated to lure the pirate leader to him. They accomplish this by collapsing as if shot whenever someone fires, regardless of whether the gun was pointed anywhere near them.
* BlackComedyRape: Betty and Yellowbeard's relationship seems to thrive on this, which is good because Yellowbeard ''loves'' rape.
-->'''Betty:''' Do you remember before you were arrested we were havin a cuddle?
-->'''Yellowbeard:''' I was raping ya, if that's what you mean.
-->'''Betty:''' Alright, sort of was half-cuddle, half-rape.
* BuxomIsBetter: Middle-aged Lady Lambourn's curtsy gives Yellowbeard a long look at her breasts, enticing him to ravish her in the shrubbery. She doesn't seem to mind, however.
* CantGetAwayWithNuthin: Betty (Madeline Kahn) tells her son Dan (Martin Hewitt):
-->"The last time I read a book, [[BlackComedyRape I was raped]] -- let that be a lesson to you."
* CaptainColorbeard: Yellowbeard's habit of putting fuses in his beard makes him an {{Expy}} of Blackbeard.
* CardboardPrison: It's implied that Yellowbeard could have left prison any time he ''wanted'' to, but he honorably served his jail time - and was ''insulted'' by the arbitrary lengthening of his sentence.
* CashLure
* CoinOnAStringTrick: Subverted in that the idiot sidekick gives Pew all of his money back and then some, mocking "Hah!"
* CrosscastRole: Queen Anne is played by Peter Bull (whom most viewers would know from ''Film/DrStrangelove'', in which he played the Soviet ambassador).
* CutHimselfShaving: A bar fight with Blind Pew leaves the entire tavern littered with corpses.
-->'''Clement:''' What happened?\\
'''Betty:''' Plague!\\
'''Clement:''' Plague?\\
'''Betty:''' All sudden like! Lucky I was out.\\
'''Clement:''' That man's got a sword in him!\\
'''Betty:''' He fell on it.
* DaddysLittleVillain: Triola, daughter of the greedy religious leader El Nebuloso.
* TheDungAges: Literally, with a girl throwing shit in people's faces if they don't give her money. Lambourn gives her a little payback.
* EverythingsEvenWorseWithSharks: Played with when Betty is taken captive by the Royal Navy and pumped for information offscreen. When she's ready to talk, she says, "I think it was that shark that jogged my memory." [[spoiler:"The Shark" is the handsome sailor (David Bowie) who brings her into the office, and who has a shark's fin strapped to his back; he "jogged her memory" via sex.]]
* FakeOutMakeOut: When the protagonists walk through Portsmouth, two people kissing each other turn out to be the {{villains}} Mr. Moon and Gilbert, with Gilbert dressed as a woman.
* FastRoping: Near the end of the film Yellowbeard, his son Dan and Lord Lambourn swing through the windows on a British frigate to capture the captain and the ship.
* GirlsWithMoustaches: "Mr. Prostitute" is obviously a woman wearing a false moustache.
* AGodAmI: El Nebuloso. He even points to himself when saying everyone must serve God.
* GoldDigger: Triola, and Dan doesn't seem to care.
* HandicappedBadass: Blind Pew's capable of taking out an entire tavern full of unsavory types, once he's had the shutters closed and the lights doused.
* HumanNotepad: Dan, the son of Yellowbeard, has a treasure-map tattooed on his head.
* IAmAHumanitarian: Yellowbeard, at least when trying to get rid of maps.
* JusticeByOtherLegalMeans: The narrator at the beginning, after giving a laundry list of the title character's atrocities, including tearing men's hearts out and swallowing them whole, and "Often forcing men to eat their own lips, he was eventually caught and imprisoned...for tax evasion."
* LongerThanLifeSentence: The impetus of the story is the fact the Royal Navy wanted to increase his sentence of 140 years so that he escapes and recovers his treasure.
* MuggedForDisguise: Mr. Moon knocks out the boatswain's mate leading a press gang, dons his uniform and takes his place.
* MyDeathIsJustTheBeginning: "Us Yellowbeards are never more dangerous than when we're dead!"
* NotSoHarmlessVillain: Dan, and Yellowbeard can't be more pleased when Dan "betrays" him.
* PaperThinDisguise:
-->'''Dr. Gilpin:''' And that's Dr. Anthrax.
-->'''Betty:''' That's Yellowbeard.
-->'''Yellowbeard:''' I'm in disguise, you stupid tart!
** Also, Mr. Prostitute.
** [[LampshadeHanging Lampshaded]] in one scene.
--->'''Captain Hughes:''' What's that?
--->'''Mr. Crisp:''' Oh, that's my box, sir.
--->'''Captain Hughes:''' No, ''carrying'' your box.
--->'''Mr. Crisp:''' Oh, Cabin Boy Smith, sir.
--->'''Captain Hughes:''' Smith has ''tits''.
--->'''Mr. Crisp:''' He's been a bit ill, sir.
--->'''Captain Hughes:''' Get her off!
* PinkElephants: Not really, but Lord Lambourn is such an alcoholic that he is willing to dismiss the strange things he happens to see as alcohol-induced hallucinations.
* {{Pirate}}
* PapaWolf: Yellowbeard, as much as he dislikes Dan for not being a black-hearted pirate like him, he always comes to his son's aid when he needs him the most. Indeed, trying to kill Dan usually ends death at Yellowbeard's hands, just ask Mr. Crisp and El Nebuloso.
* PunchPunchPunchUhOh: Yellowbeard is in a British prison and one of the guards attempts to discipline him by beating him with a stout wooden rod. Yellowbeard doesn't notice.
* RefrainFromAssuming: Just because Creator/GrahamChapman, Creator/JohnCleese and Creator/EricIdle act together in this movie doesn't make it a Creator/MontyPython film.
* SeadogBeard
* SecondFaceSmoke: Mr. Pew has smoke blown in his face, but he coughs in an extremely dignified way twice before continuing as before.
* SexGod: Even if it is rape, Yellowbeard is almost certainly this when you consider ''none'' of the various women he rapes get mad at him for it. Plus if the sounds they make are any indication, they ''really'' seem to enjoy it. Indeed, Betty enjoyed the first time he raped her so much that when Yellowbeard came into her room to get his treasure map, she was disappointed when he says he doesn't have time for ''that'' now.
* ShoutOut: To Literature/TreasureIsland. The good-hearted young man whose mother runs a tavern taking a noble and a doctor to search for buried treasure on a ship that undergoes a mutiny from the former crewmen of the pirate captain who buried the aforesaid treasure ''might'' be a coincidence, if not for the presence of HandicappedBadass Blind Pew.
* TheStoner: Lord Lambourn. In keeping with the times, he's addicted to snuff.
* SuperSenses: Blind Pew's "acute 'earing" lets him tell what kind of clothes a man was wearing.
* SuspiciouslySpecificDenial:
-->'''Betty:''' You're all going after the treasure!
-->'''The men:''' No!
-->'''Lord Lambourn:''' Uh, botanical...
-->'''Yellowbeard:''' Killing plants!
* SweetPollyOliver: Spoofed. One of the ship's officers is named "Mr. Prostitute" and is an obvious woman with a fake mustache.
* TapOnTheHead: While Dan, Lord Lambourn and Dr. Gilpin are in Portsmouth, three members of a press gang knock them on the head with clubs and render them unconscious so they can be kidnapped.
* ATasteOfTheLash: Parodied, of course. The prison guard whips Yellowbeard to get his attention - Yellowbeard treats it like the guard was tapping him on the shoulder.
* TookALevelInBadass
** Dan finally learns what it means to be a Yellowbeard. "Us Yellowbeards are ''never'' more dangerous than when we're dead!"
** Even foppish [[TheStoner stoner]] Lord Lambourn gets off a good, "Arrrrrrrrrrrr."
* TreasureMap
* UpperClassTwit: Lord Lambourn
* WellDoneSonGuy: Dan and Yellowbeard, oh so much.
-->'''Yellowbeard:''' Oh, been out raping, lad? ''(sees Troila)'' Nice work lad.
-->'''Dan:''' No, I haven't raped her!
-->'''Yellowbeard:''' ''(disappointed)'' No, you wouldn't have you poncy little git! You're not the prawn of my loins, your mother's a bloody liar! ''(grins)'' That's what I liked about her!