[[quoteright:300:http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Ted_poster_7475.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:300:Yeah, he's totally cute until he hires four hookers.]]

''Ted'' is a 2012 comedy film directed, co-written and co-produced by Creator/{{Seth MacFarlane}} and stars himself (well, [[CelebrityVoiceActor his voice]]), Creator/MarkWahlberg and Creator/MilaKunis, and is [=MacFarlane's=] directorial debut. It focuses on John Bennett, a little boy who receives a teddy bear as a gift and wishes for him to come to life. As luck would have it, his wish is granted on a falling star, and the bear, aptly named Ted, does in fact gain sentience and grows up alongside John as his best friend. 27 years later, they're still together as roommates and still somewhat on the immature slacker side. This is a problem for John's girlfriend Lori Collins (Kunis), who feels that Ted is a poor influence on John, while Ted feels she's going to come between their friendship...

He's right, of course. That's what women ''do'' in these romantic comedies with foul-mouthed wastrel teddy bears.

The film received good reviews from critics, and was a huge box office success, making nearly $550 million worldwide against a budget of only about $50 million.

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!!Tropes contained in the film include:

* [[ABoyAndHisX A Man and His Teddy Bear]]
* AbhorrentAdmirer: Donny and Robert.
* AbusiveParents: Donny's father made him sleep in a hammock and got him a rake for Christmas so he wouldn't have to clean up the front yard by hand.
* AdamWesting: [[spoiler:Sam Jones.]]
* AmbiguouslyBrown: Rex notes Lori's ambiguous ethnicity, hazarding that she's Baltic or Czech. Kunis was born in Ukraine to Jewish parents.
* AsHimself: Norah Jones. [[spoiler:Sam Jones and Tom Skerritt, who are referenced frequently, also appear in person.]]
* AstronomicZoom[=/=]LogoJoke: The movie begins with a zoom into the Universal logo to zero in on where the hero lives.
* AuthorAppeal: It's not hard to notice [=MacFarlane=]'s love of big band swing in the soundtrack.
** Plus a ton of {{Shout Out}}s to pop culture from TheEighties.
* BadassAdorable: Ted, obviously, being a teddy bear and all.
* BagOfKidnapping: Donny and Robert do this to Ted twice, first when they snatch him from his apartment and later when they make their escape from John and Lori.
* BarbieDollAnatomy: Ted manages to have sex with a number of women despite not having a penis. He's written several angry letters to Hasbro about it.
-->'''Ted:''' Oh yeah! [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything Stick your finger through the loop in my tag!]]
* BearyFunny
* BerserkButton:
** [[spoiler:When John said he wished he had gotten a "Teddy Rux-fuckin'-pin" for Christmas instead, Ted loses it.]]
** [[spoiler:Donny hates it when someone curses in front of his son.]]
** John also hates when people say "cunt," though he seems to be more scared of the word than angered by it.
* BigBadEnsemble: Rex, Donny, and Robert.
* BilingualBonus: During the montage of news reports about Ted coming to life, we get a clip from a Japanese news station. The female news reporter calls Ted an ''usagi (rabbit)'', causing the male reporter to slap her and call her a ''baka (idiot)''.
* BlatantLies: John claims his ringtone is from ''Film/TheNotebook''. [[spoiler:It's actually "The Imperial March" from ''The Empire Strikes Back''.]]
* {{Bowdlerize}}: The Japanese version premiered premiere a PG-12 version of ''Ted'' in July so that younger audiences could watch, toning down and cutting out the film's more raunchy parts. However, the uncut R-15 version is still available for the older audience to see.
* BrickJoke:
** The WhereAreTheyNowEpilogue states that Rex [[spoiler: died of Lou Gehrig's disease. Earlier in the film, John says to Rex that he hopes he gets Lou Gehrig's disease.]]
** At the beginning of the movie, John suggests that Guy is part of a "gay beat-up club", to which Guy says, "yeah, maybe I'm gay or whatever, I don't really know". Later in the movie, at Ted's party, Guy shows up and introduces his new [[RyanReynolds boyfriend]].
** After sort-of chewing out the late-to-work John, John's boss mentions (as evidence of his success) being a personal acquaintance of Tom Skerritt. [[spoiler: At the end, he is seen with Skerritt at John and Lori's wedding. Then Skerritt whispers "My daughter had better still be alive, you sick son of a bitch" to him.]]
* ButtMonkey: John as a child. Even the Jewish kid everyone bullied hated him.
* CameBackWrong: [[spoiler:Ted seems to be this way after Lori wishes him back to life due to stuffing being put in the wrong places. Subverted in that he was faking as a joke. "Yoah magicuh wish wuhked! Yeah, I mean, you know, when you sewed me up, you pu' some schtuffing in da wrong places, sho I'm, I'm a li'l fucked up, but wiw you take cayuh of me fo-evoh and evoh?"]]
* TheCameo: Ryan Reynolds as [[spoiler:Guy's gay lover. Also Norah Jones, Sam Jones and Tom Skerritt as themselves]]. Ted Danson also appears briefly, reminiscing about his years on ''Series/{{Cheers}}''.
* TheCastShowOff: Due to his former career as a singer, Wahlberg could do the white trash names game speed round, without taking a breath for 10 seconds. Averted when he actually sings, as he's HollywoodToneDeaf.
* CelebrityParadox:
** Ted is voiced by Seth [=McFarlane=]. Lampshaded when Ted says he doesn't sound like [[FamilyGuy Peter Griffin]].
** Lori is played by Meg from the same show, and John's mom in the prologue is played by Lois from said show.
* ChekhovsGun: [[spoiler:When Ted is kidnapped, and Donny unplugs the phone in the middle of Ted's desperate call to John, John and Lori have no means of finding out where Ted is being held. But then John remembers that earlier, Donny gave him his address and phone number should he decide to sell Ted.]]
* ClimbingClimax
* ClosetKey: Jared.
* CountryMatters: John hates the c-word so much that it seems to physically pain him.
* CurbstompBattle: Robert is in the receiving end of John's fist and goes down with a thud.
* DeadpanSnarker: Ted. He's voiced by Seth [=MacFarlane=], after all.
* DeconstructiveParody: You know how as a child, you probably wished that your favorite toy would come to life? This is what happens when the wish comes true, and then followed you into adulthood.
* DemotedToExtra: John's co-workers Alix and Tanya's sideplot is omitted from the film's final cut.
* DeusExMachina: [[spoiler:How Ted is resurrected. A guilty Lori wishes on a shooting star, which seems to be just as powerful as a little boy's Christmas wish.]]
* DinkyDrivers: Ted drives John's car using built-up pedals.
* DisneyDeath: [[spoiler: Ted himself at the end.]]
* DisproportionateRetribution: "Y'know, Lori would hate me for sayin' this, but she told me how you are at the office. And one gentleman to another, I just want to say, ''I really hope you fucking get Lou Gehrig's disease.''"
* DramaticWind: When John meets [[spoiler:Sam Jones.]]
* {{Fanservice}}:
** The party scene. A topless woman. Uncensored.
** Kunis wearing a ModestyTowel when Ted comes to her door.
** [[spoiler: Also, Mark Wahlberg's ass... [[FanDisservice then again, Ted is literally whipping it at the time]].]]
* FearOfThunder: John and Ted. They have a special "thunder buddies" song. [[spoiler:John gets over it around the end of the movie, noticeably sitting still while Ted is dead as lightning flashes outside the house onto him with accompanying thunder.]]
* FormerChildStar: Ted.
* FriendVersusLover: John has to choose between Lori and Ted.
* FunnyAneurysmMoment: In-universe example. During a disco in 2008, when John first met Lori, his comment on the song was, "Music/ChrisBrown [[DomesticAbuse can do no wrong!]]".
* GenreShift: The first eight-or-so minutes before the title sequence plays out like a typical family fantasy movie, with the only clue to the GenreShift being the LemonyNarrator. [[HilarityEnsues And then both protagonists grow up...]]
* GirlsLoveStuffedAnimals: Inverted in that Lori is the one who wants to get rid of Ted, while the people who want to kidnap him are male. The general public seems to be about even in their interest in a living teddy bear.
* GoshDarnItToHeck: Donny forbids his son to cuss.
* GroinAttack:
** The hotel room fight between Ted and John ends with [[spoiler:a TV set falling onto John's crotch.]]
** Also Ted throws his cellphone at Donny's crotch when he tries to catch him in the bathroom.
* HalfTheManHeUsedToBe: [[spoiler:Ted gets ripped in half thanks to a combination of rough treatment by Donny and a large tear he gets on his midsection while escaping.]]
* HeterosexualLifePartners: Ted and John.
* HighConcept: Mark Wahlberg and a talking teddy bear.
* HollywoodNewEngland: Both John and Ted are this, even though Walhberg is actually from Boston.
* HollywoodToneDeaf: John attempting to sing "All Time High." In reality, Wahlberg was a singer before he was an actor.
* IdenticalLookingAsians: John makes a reference to "that Asian kid at Virginia Tech", and Ted's next door neighbor reacts rather violently when [[spoiler:Sam Jones]] punches through his wall and interrupts his impending duck dinner.
* InhumanableAlienRights: Ted never seems to be studied, and he claims he's a U.S. citizen. The fact he can find legitimate employment seems to indicates that to be true.
** Though, in the end, [[spoiler: Ted was torn in half, and all that came out was stuffing, so maybe the scientists figured out early there really ''was'' nothing to study.]]
* IWantMyBelovedToBeHappy:
** Ted finally realizes that John will ''always'' be a little boy as long as he has his teddy bear with him... [[spoiler:and made his peace with Lori that he will leave their lives forever if only she would forgive John for his final childish screw-up.]]
** John does a variant of this: while Lori hasn't found someone else, he recognizes his responsibility for the events that led to their break-up and wants to at least part on good terms.
** Lori also: [[spoiler:In the end, she recognizes Ted as an essential part of John's and her life, and wishes him back.]]
* {{Jerkass}}: Rex.
* JerkWithAHeartOfGold: Ted, but pretty much everyone aside from the villains are this to an extent.
* KarmaHoudini: Donny faces no consequences for kidnapping Ted. [[spoiler: He does get arrested for kidnapping a plush toy, but is let off the hook because of how stupid that sounds.]]
* KavorkaMan: Ted had sex with numerous attractive women despite being, well, a teddy bear. [[BarbieDollAnatomy With no penis]].
* LemonyNarrator: PatrickStewart makes several [[{{TakeThat}} snarky insults]] at ''[[SupermanReturns movies]]'' and ''[[JustinBieber celebrities]]'' in between moments of eccentricity.
-->Now if there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish. ({{beat}}) Except an Apache Helicopter. An Apache Helicopter has machine guns ''and'' missiles. It is an unbelievably impressive complement of weaponry. An absolute death machine.
* LenoDevice: Ted appears on ''Series/TheTonightShow'' with Johnny Carson after being revealed to the world as a living teddy bear.
* LivingToys: Deconstructed. A lot of the real life consequences of this potentially occurring do happen, mostly concerning widespread media coverage.
* MakeAWish: It's a childhood wish that starts the story and it's an [[spoiler:adult one that saves the day]].
* ManChild: The film is about John's inability to grow up in general, but he has a few instances of actual childish behavior:
** He's still afraid of thunder through most of the film and needs to sing a song to help him cope with it.
** He cowers behind a column while Lori cleans up a turd on the floor.
** He grabs his ears and says, "Ow!" when someone says "cunt" in his presence.
* MeaningfulName:
** Ted's name refers to the fact that he's a teddy bear and is a less diminutized version of "Teddy," indicating that he's an adult.
** Rex is a spoiled child with a name meaning "king."
* MoodWhiplash: This movie can shift pretty violently between melodrama and stoner comedy. And at Ted's party, the mood jerks from joyful exuberance, to a terrifying losing fight against a knife-wielding Ming, and then back to good-time partying within the span of a single minute.
* MundaneFantastic: Ted is treated as a normal person who just happens to be a teddy bear (much like Brian Griffin on ''Family Guy''). After 25 years, he's now a faded celebrity as the novelty has mostly worn off.
* MythologyGag: Rex has been holding his fart while with Lori, like Martha Stewart does in the ''Family Guy'' episode "Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington".
** Throw in the fact that quite a few significant voice actors from ''Family Guy'' have notable roles in this film.
* OhCrap: When Ted is about to be kidnapped.
-->'''Donny:''' Hello, Ted.
-->'''Ted:''' ''Fuck''.
* OnlySaneMan: Poor Lori...
* PersonAsVerb: "Well someone had to Creator/JoanCrawford that kid."
* PlotMandatedFriendshipFailure
* PoliticallyIncorrectHero: Ted.
* PopCulturalOsmosisFailure: Lori doesn't recognize "The Imperial March" from ''Star Wars'' (which is her ringtone on John's phone). Well, she [[Series/That70sShow never did go see the movie]].
** She believes John when he says that it's from ''Film/TheNotebook'', indicating that she hasn't seen that film either.
* RealityEnsues:
** After young John announces that his teddy bear has come to life, his parents begin to [[NotNowKid dismiss him]] and the audience was surely expecting it, but Ted walks out of the bedroom and breaks the masquerade immediately, [[HilarityEnsues making them freak out]].
** Another weird example toward the end: [[spoiler:when Ted is kidnapped, he's shown to be no more durable than any other teddy bear when the villains cut his ear off and tear him in half. What makes it weird is that earlier, Ted beat the shit out of John with ease.]]
** In general, the whole film takes the idea of a real imaginary friend or living toy companion and presents it realistically and honestly. Ted's miraculous existence is the source of massive media interest when he first appears, but after several years people stop caring and he becomes just a normal, albeit unexplained, part of life. Not only that but because Ted basically lives off of John and others, he never went to school, got a job, or really learned to live on his own. When he actually does try to get a job, the only thing he can manage is a piss-poor cashier job at a crappy downtown grocery store.
* RecycledPremise: Ted becoming a media sensation that the world got used to was originally going to happen to Roger in ''[[WesternAnimation/AmericanDad American Dad!]]'', but they decided to take his character in a different direction.
* RefugeInAudacity: Ted gets away with grabbing boobs in public! Cos he's ''just sooo cuuuuute!''
* RoomFullOfCrazy: [[spoiler: Donny's living room wall is completely covered in old newspaper and magazine clippings of Ted.]]
* RunningGag:
** Ted being crude to his boss and getting promoted for it.
** John and Ted's fascination with ''Flash Gordon''.
** People bragging that they had their picture taken with Tom Skeritt.
* SelfServingMemory: John's version of his first meeting with Lori.
* ShoutOut:
** The way John remembers his first meeting with Lori is almost a shot for shot remake of Stryker and Elaine's first encounter in ''Film/{{Airplane}}''.
** Shout outs to ''Flash Gordon'' become major plot points.
** When Ted [[IndyHatRoll reaches for his ear when he escapes Robert's room,]] a snippet of the ''IndianaJones'' theme plays.
** Ted mentions that he looks like "that robot from ''Film/{{Aliens}}''", referencing [[spoiler:when Bishop gets ripped in half at the end]]. Earlier, he plays five finger fillet with another man's hand in another apparent reference to the character.
** John's mention of a "gay beat-up club" is remniscent of ''Film/FightClub'', which is about an underground fighting club and has some homoerotic undertones.
* TheSlacker: John and Ted.
* SmugSnake: Rex.
* SoBadItsGood: In-universe with ''Flash Gordon'', at least to John and Ted.
* SpringtimeForHitler: Ted tries to bomb his job interview at the grocery score deliberately. It doesn't go as planned:
-->'''Manager''': You think you've got what it takes?
-->'''Ted''': [[RefugeInAudacity I'll tell you what I got - your wife's pussy on my breath.]]
-->'''Manager''': Nobody's ever spoken to me like that before.
-->'''Ted''': [[CrossesTheLineTwice That's 'cause everyone's mouth is usually full of your wife's box.]]
-->*{{Beat}}*
-->'''Manager''': [[InsultBackfire You're]] [[DidntSeeThatComing hired]].
-->'''Ted''': ''Shit''.
* StaggeredZoom: On John's face when he finds out who is going to be at Ted's party.
* StalkerShrine: Donny and Robert have a shrine of Ted in their house.
* StalkerWithoutACrush: Donny and Robert towards Ted.
* StarringSpecialEffects
* TheStoner: Getting high is a common hobby of John and Ted. Later on, they even try cocaine.
* StraightGay: Guy is this, and possibly his boyfriend, [[RunningGag or you know, whatever, I don't really know]].
* SubvertedKidsShow: Tying in with the theme of growing up the film presents in the opening.
* TakeThat:
** Patrick Stewart's jab at ''Film/SupermanReturns'' at the end. This might be motivated by BryanSinger leaving the ''Film/{{X-Men}}'' series (where Stewart plays Professor X) to make the film.
** "The ladies and I were just watching ''[[Film/JackAndJill Jack and Jill]]''. Creator/AdamSandler plays a guy and his sister and it's just-- awful. It's unwatchable. But they're hookers, so it's fine."
** The narration claims that the stupid, evil child Robert grew up to be TaylorLautner (even though the film takes place in 2012).
** Ted has a diatribe where he calls women from Boston fat, stupid sluts.
** "Whether you're Corey Feldman, Creator/FrankieMuniz or Justin Bieber, eventually, nobody gives a shit."
** During John's horrible performance of a song for Lori, Ted remarks that it's still a better performance than Music/KatyPerry.
** One of the shows that Ted and John watch while high is ''WesternAnimation/SpongebobSquarepants''.
* ToxicFriendInfluence: Ted for John. He repeatedly talks John into doing really stupid things that jeopardize his relationship with Lori. John calls him out on it later in the movie.
* UltimateJobSecurity: PlayedForLaughs. Ted's lecherous behavior at work and his audacious responses to his manager's reprimands gets him repeatedly ''promoted''. The [[WhereAreTheyNowEpilogue Epilogue]] reveals that he was later caught eating potato salad off of his girlfriend's bare bottom. He was promoted to store manager.
-->'''Manager''': You were found having sexual intercourse with a coworker, on top of the produce we sell to our customers.
-->'''Ted''': I [[CrazyAwesome fucked her with a parsnip last week]]. And then I [[spoiler: sold the parsnip [[MagnificentBastard to a family with four small children]] ]].
-->*{{Beat}}*
-->'''Manager''': That took guts. We ''need'' guts. I'm promoting you.
-->'''Ted''': [[JerkassHasAPoint You've got a lot of problems, don't you?]]
* UnmasquedWorld: Everyone knows that Ted is alive to the point where he made an appearance on ''The Tonight Show''.
* UnsympatheticComedyProtagonist: Ted himself.
* UnusuallyUninterestingSight: After 27 years, nobody is surprised that a living teddy bear exists.
* VitriolicBestBuds: John and Ted.
* WhereAreTheyNowEpilogue
* WhyDidItHaveToBeSnakes: Thunder for both John and Ted.
* WouldHurtAChild: John says, "Well someone had to Joan Crawford that kid," about Robert, a [[AssholeVictim spoiled psychopath]].
* YeahShot: For Ted and [[spoiler: Sam Jones]] at the end, [[spoiler: just like in ''Flash Gordon'']].

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