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->''"Peter, the only 'message' in that movie is that every problem in life can be solved by kicking."''
-->-- '''Brian''', ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy''

''Road House'' is a 1989 film directed by Rowdy Herrington and starring Creator/PatrickSwayze. It is [[SimilarlyNamedWorks not related]] to the 1948 movie.

Dalton (Swayze) is a professional "cooler" (read: {{Bouncer}}) with a [[DarkAndTroubledPast mysterious past]] who is hired to work for the Double Deuce in [[DeepSouth Jasper, Missouri]]. In the course of cleaning up the seedy roadside bar, he runs afoul of crime kingpin Brad Wesley (Ben Gazzara) who is extorting from the townspeople. A generous helping of {{Bar|Brawl}}fight Fu ensues.

''Road House'' is rated a [[SoBadItsGood camp classic]] not because of its quality, but because it is one of the most implausible films of all time. Much of this is traced to Swayze's character, a modern-day samurai with a [[GeniusBruiser degree in philosophy]] who practices Tai Chi and [[MartialArtsUniform dresses like a Jedi]]. A [[DirectToVideo direct-to-DVD]] sequel, ''Road House 2: Last Call'', was released in 2006 and [[SuddenSequelDeathSyndrome replaced]] Dalton with his hitherto unknown son, Shane. A remake has also been announced with Creator/RondaRousey in the lead role and directed by Nick Cassavetes (''Film/TheNotebook'', ''Film/JohnQ'').

It inspired the Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 song, "''[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZyJCV_dyug Let's Have A Patrick Swayze Christmas]]''".

!!This movie provides examples of:

* AlternateDVDCommentary: ''Road House'' has the honor of being the inaugural subject for Podcast/RiffTrax. This movie is Mike Nelson's personal benchmark for SoBadItsGood movies.
** Alternately, there's a 'Trivia Track' on some versions of the DVD.
* ArmedLegs: Ketchum tries to use a knife blade hidden in the toe of his boot against Dalton. Too bad for him, Dalton quickly figures out that he's too stupid to have a good time, and kicks Ketchum's ass anyway.
%%* AuthorityEqualsAsskicking: Dalton.
%%* BMovie
* BadassCreed: Dalton scatters these around like confetti.
-->"All you have to do is follow [[RuleOfThree three simple rules]]: One, never underestimate your opponent. Expect the unexpected. Two, take it outside. Never start anything inside the bar unless it's absolutely necessary. And three, be nice."
** Until it's time to [[BewareTheNiceOnes not be nice]].
** And no one will ever forget this immortal quote:
-->'''Dalton''': [[SignatureLine Pain don't hurt.]]
%%* BadassGrandpa: Wade Garrett.
* BadBoss: Brad Wesley. He beats the stuffing out of one of his {{Mooks}} for ''bleeding too much'', and sure enough, the guy still shows up to work for him every day.
* BewareTheNiceOnes: For someone who can (and does) rip someone's throat out with his bare hands, Dalton is actually a ''really'' nice guy. A good example is when he pays the owner of a restaurant to allow a homeless guy to sleep there for the rest of the night.
** He also encourages politeness among the other bouncers working under him, telling them to "Be nice! It's nothing personal."
* BigBad: Brad Wesley, the crime boss terrorizing the entire town.
* BloodKnight: Jimmy is this. He wants to fight Wade with as much fury as he wants to fight Dalton.
* BondOneLiner: Dalton gets a couple of these as he dispatches Wesley's men at the mansion.
%%* CardCarryingVillain: Brad Wesley
* CasualCarGiveaway: Dalton gives his old car to a homeless man, as humorously described by Website/TheAgonyBooth in the page quote.
* ChekhovsGun: Ketchum's knife. [[spoiler:Pulled from Wade's corpse by Dalton, it's used to pin down the accelerator on his car, and recovered by Ketchum. He uses it later in an attempt to kill Dalton, who manages to get the knife away from him and kill him with it.]]
%%* CoolCar
* CoolShades: Wade makes his entrance wearing Ray-Bans.
* CorruptHick: There's a no-gooder trying to take over the bar and businesses in a little backwater town with his hired redneck muscle.
* CreativeClosingCredits: The Jeff Healey Band play the bar's resident band, and perform "When The Night Comes Falling From The Sky" on screen behind the entire end credit roll.
* DeathByLookingUp: Wesley's sole surviving mook gets [[TapOnTheHead conked out]] by a stuffed polar bear which topples. Rather than step out of the way, he screams and fires his gun at it. (He doesn't actually die, though, and gets the last line of the film, trapped under the bear.)
* DepravedHomosexual: Jimmy. Unlike the rest of Wesley's goons, he never seems to show any particular interest in the numerous attractive women he's surrounded by, but his famous quote says all.
-->'''Jimmy''': ''I used to fuck guys like you in prison!''
* DirtyCop: When the local business owners discuss going to the cops to deal with Wesley's extortion, this idea is immediately thrown out the window since they're appparently ALL in Wesley's pocket.
* DomesticAbuse: After Brad Wesley's mistress is [[DoYouWantToCopulate too forward]] one time too many with Dalton, she's dragged out of the roadhouse by one of his goons. She's next seen in Wesley's mansion with a bruised-up face.
* TheDragon: Jimmy is [[CorruptHick Brad Wesley]]'s right-hand man. [[EvilCounterpart Like Dalton]] he's a trained martial artist, and presents the most difficult fight before Dalton faces Wesley himself.
%%* TheDrifter
* EightiesHair: Includes a mullet for Dalton.
--> '''Mike Nelson''': Yes, feathered hair ''and'' a mullet! His hair came to ''play''.
* EvenEvilHasLovedOnes: Brad Wesley loves his sister enough to promise her to look after her only son by forcing the owner of the Double Deuce to make him the bartender, even if his nephew is a stupid failure.
* EverybodyLaughsEnding: A (stuffed) polar bear falling on Tinker added enough levity to an intense scene to evoke some weary laughter.
* EveryCarIsAPinto: Wesley's goon sets a speeding car on fire with a single shotgun blast. And by "fire", I mean a fireball that can be seen from space.
* EvilCounterpart: Jimmy to Dalton. The only thing they have in common is the martial arts knowledge.
* EvilLaugh: Jimmy belts out a hilariously evil cackle after blowing up Emmett's cabin.
* ExpectingSomeoneTaller: In the tradition of Creator/JohnCarpenter, everybody who's ever heard of Dalton expects him to "be bigger".
* {{Fanservice}}: Want to see the bare butts of Patrick Swayze and Kelly Lynch? You've come to the right place. (Also, lots of barely-dressed ladies in the bar.) Except for background extras, the pixie-like waitress/singer may be the ''only'' woman in the film who never gets at least topless.
%%* FauxAffablyEvil: Wesley.
* FauxdianSlip: Wade Garrett's "accidentally" mispronounces the "Double Deuce" as "the Double Douche".
* ForgottenFirstMeeting: Wesley and Dalton first encounter each other on the road, while Wesley is weaving back and forth carelessly and almost runs Dalton off the road. Dalton probably thinks he's an asshole drunk driver and Wesley pays him no mind at all.
* FriendlyTarget: [[spoiler:Wade Garrett]], whose murder sets off Dalton on his RoaringRampageOfRevenge against Wesley.
%%* GeniusBruiser: Dalton
* GoodIsNotSoft: Dalton, who teaches his fellow bouncers to "Be nice, until it's time to not be nice."
%%* HeroicSecondWind: Dalton's fight with Jimmy.
* HerosClassicCar: Dalton drives a 1963 Buick Riviera. He has a newer car as well, but he keeps that one out of sight for the most part. The Riviera is what he's seen around town in.
* HollywoodOld: Wade Garrett. Due to Sam Elliott being [[YoungerThanTheyLook younger than he looks,]] (he was 43-44 during the time of filming), his character is treated as much older. It is most notable when Morgan insults him by referring to him as "Dad", despite the fact that Terry Funk is several months ''older'' than Sam Elliott.
* HiddenWeapons: During a fight scene, Jimmy tries to kill Dalton with a Smith & Wesson model 60 revolver he had concealed in an ankle holster. Near the end of the movie, Wesley also attempts to kill Dalton with a hidden ankle-piece, this one a Intratec .38 caliber Darringer.
* IceCreamKoan: The most infamous line in the movie, Dalton's SignatureLine and BadassBoast, "Pain don't hurt." What the hell does that mean? Of course pain hurts! It's pain!
* IdealizedSex: There is a sex scene involving Swayze's character, Dalton, and his love interest (played by Kelly Lynch) that reveals that either Swayze's package is located somewhere in the vicinity of his belly button, or else Mr. Swayze is a very, very fortunate man.
%%* IfYouKillHimYouWillBeJustLikeHim
* ImpromptuTracheotomy: Jimmy's fate, in what is one of the most (in)famous examples in cinema. In their final fight, Dalton finishes him off by ripping his throat out with ''his bare hands''.
%%* InnocentBystanders
* IOwnThisTown: Wesley likes to remind the local business owners of that fact, punctuating the line with a smug "And don't you forget it." See directly below for the payoff.
* IronicEcho: "This is OUR town, and don't YOU forget it".
* KarmicDeath: Wesley at the end gets killed by the same men he terrorized and extorted over the years.
%%* LargeHam: Wesley and Jimmy.
* LocalHangout: The Double Deuce is where the locals like to hang out.
%%* ManipulativeBastard: Brad Wesley.
* MentorOccupationalHazard: Wade Garrett.
* MinionWithAnFInEvil: The only thing Tinker ever manages to do is show up, fail at whatever he came to accomplish, and get the crap knocked out of him repeatedly by Dalton. He's ultimately defeated by a stuffed polar bear, and given the consolation prize of being the only goon to survive the movie.
%%* MrExposition
%%* MsFanservice: Denise, Wesley's girlfriend.
* TheMusical: One exists(!), and ran off-Broadway. Its full title is ''Road House: The Stage Version Of The Cinema Classic That Starred Patrick Swayze, Except This One Stars Taimak From The 80's Cult Classic Film/TheLastDragon Wearing a Blonde Mullet Wig.''
* NeverBringAKnifeToAFistFight: Jimmy, TheDragon, does not have the chance to kill Dalton "the old-fashioned way" with his gun. Later, Dalton disarms the knife-wielding Ketchum and skewers him.
* NeverTrustATrailer: Due to the overwhelming success of ''Film/DirtyDancing'', which also starred Creator/PatrickSwayze, a lot of trailers targeted women audiences by playing up its romantic subplot. One wonders how stunned they were when they saw Swayze [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill rip out a guy's throat with his bare hands.]]
* NewOldWest: The genesis of the movie was a modern interpretation of ''{{Shane}}''.
* NiceJobFixingItVillain: Dalton and Wade were just about ready to go when the problem became too much. [[spoiler: Then [[BigBad Wesley]] decided to have [[BerserkButton Wade]] [[TooDumbToLive killed]].]]
* NoMisterBondIExpectYouToDine: Wesley "invites" Dalton to his place, and offers him first a Bloody Mary, and then some breakfast. Dalton declines both, however.
%%* OneLiner: This movie has several of them.
* PlayingGertrude: Wade is presented as a mentor/surrogate father figure to Dalton, despite their actors only being 12 years apart in age. Of course, as noted above, Sam Elliott had a strong case of YoungerThanTheyLook.
* PopCulturalOsmosis: Inspired the classic Christmas song, "''Let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas''" on ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000''.
-->''Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year''
-->''Or we'll tear your throat out and kick you in the ear!''
** The movie's title, or variations on it, have also become a catchphrase of [[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy Peter Griffin's.]]
* PopTheTires: Dalton keeps multiple spare tires in the trunk of his car. He is used to having disgruntled bar patrons put holes in his tires and prepares accordingly.
* PrisonRape: Mentioned in one fight scene.
-->I used to fuck guys like you in prison!
* PunchClockVillain:
** Tinker. He's the only one of Wesley's goons who isn't a straight up asshole, and comes off as more comical than menacing.
** Morgan is a complete jerk, but he's only with Wesley because Dalton fired him.
* RareGuns: At the end of the movie, Wesley tries to kill Dalton with an Intratec TEC-38 Darringer pistol. This gun, only produced from 1986-88, has only been featured in three other films.
* ARareSentence: "A polar bear fell on me," is probably one of the most bizarre last lines of any movie.
* RebelRelaxation: Swayze on the box art. You ''rock'' that wall, sir.
* RoaringRampageOfRevenge: It's finally time for Dalton to ''not'' be nice after Wesley's goons [[spoiler:murder Wade]].
* RoundhouseKick: The movie has quite a few of these.
%%* RuleOfCool: In full effect throughout the movie.
* SadisticChoice: Towards the end, Wesley threatens to kill Elizabeth or Wade. [[spoiler:Wade gets killed.]]
* SeriousBusiness: Bouncing, to the point that Dalton is apparently famous throughout the nation for it.
%%* ScrewTheMoneyIHaveRules: Dalton.
%%* ScrewTheRulesIHaveMoney: Wesley.
* SelfStitching: Dalton does it after the opening brawl.
%%* ShirtlessScene: And WalkingShirtlessScene by extension.
%%* ShroudedInMyth
%%* SmugSnake: Brad Wesley
%%* StealingFromTheTill
%%* TheStoic: Dalton
%%* StuffBlowingUp: It ''is'' a Joel Silver film.
%%* StuffedIntoTheFridge: Happens twice.
* SwordOverHead: Dalton is ''this'' close to performing his "rip out your throat" FinishingMove on a stunned Brad Wesley. He finally puts his hands down and turns toward Dr. Clay. [[TooDumbToLive Wesley replies by pulling out another pistol.]]
* TaxidermyIsCreepy: Brad Wesley's game room.
* TaxidermyTerror: Tinker, the only survivor among the BigBad's {{Mooks}}, is so freaked out by the various stuffed animals surrounding him that he can't testify to the Sheriff about what happened in the climax.
-->'''Tinker''': "A polar bear fell on me..."
* ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill: Brad is blasted at point-blank range by 4 different shotguns (wielded by the [[TheDogBitesBack four businessmen Brad harassed throughout the film]]). Then he falls through a glass table. They tell Dalton to escape while they tell the police Brad CutHimselfShaving.
%%* {{Troperiffic}}
* WarriorTherapist: Dalton tries really hard to be this, with mixed results.
* WhatHappenedToTheMouse: Denise, Brad Wesley's current trophy wife, disappears from the movie after the little strip show in the Double Deuce.
* WhatMeasureIsAMook: Dalton stops himself from tearing Wesley's throat out, because IfYouKillHimYouWillBeJustLikeHim. Somehow, all the {{Mooks}} he slaughtered didn't count.
* TheWorfEffect: Despite showing himself as a badass bouncer, Dalton gets in big trouble trying to take on Wesley's mooks, simply so his friend/mentor Wade Garrett's own badass bouncer credentials can be established.
* YouCanLeaveYourHatOn: Denise's dance at the Double Deuce when Wesley and his goons confront Dalton. Since they're not a strip club, Dalton drags her of the stage after she takes her top off.
-->''If you're gonna have a pet, keep it on a leash.''

-->'''Kick!''' [[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy Road House.]]