BetteMidler and Creator/ShelleyLong star in this female buddy picture from 1987. Long plays Lauren Ames, an actress whose ambition far outweighs her success despite her many years of taking classes; Midler plays Sandy Brozinsky, a fast-talking, foul-mouthed waitress from the wrong side of the tracks who horns her way into Lauren's exclusive drama class on a lark. Unbeknown to each other, Sandy and Lauren are both seeing the same impossibly perfect man, Michael Santers (Peter Coyote). When Michael inexplicably fakes his death, Sandy and Lauren wind up joining forces to track him down. A wacky, cross-country caper ensues, and both women discover that there's a lot more to the man they love--not to mention their suspiciously homicidal Russian acting coach--than they ever imagined.

!!This film provides examples of:

* AdultsDressedAsChildren: Lauren and Sandy sneak into a whorehouse thinking they're convincingly disguised as men; the madame takes them for thirteen-year-old boys. Our intrepid heroines run with it.
-->'''Madame:''' Does your daddy know you're here?
-->'''Lauren''' (in cowboy accent): Hell, yes, he told us where to come! ''Come,'' git it?
* AwLookTheyReallyDoLoveEachOther: Sandy is visibly shaken when she believes [[spoiler: Lauren has been shot dead]].
* BadassAdorable: Lauren develops into this over the course of the film.
* BadBadActing: Practiced by many of Stan's students, as he enjoys pointing out. Even [[DramaQueen Lauren]] ''cringes'' at the spectacle of one particular student's ''immensely'' [[LargeHam hammy]] non-dialogue "performance" of a moment from ''Oedipus The King''.
* BewareTheQuietOnes: Lauren, fed up with the mystery, kicks open a crackhouse door, waves a toy gun around (back in a day when toy guns looked real), and starts impersonating an angry cop with a screw loose. Even Sandy is shocked.
* BriefcaseFullOfMoney: Or, rather, a cute, ducky-emblazoned lunchbox full of money.
* ButtMonkey: Frank. Also, anyone who takes Stanislav Korzenowsky's acting class.
* CallingYourOrgasms: Michael's telltale chant of, "Oh God. Oh God. Ohhh God. Ohhhgod--OHHHGOD!!!"
* TheCasanova: Michael
* CatFight: Lauren and Sandy duke it out in the morgue.
* CheapCostume: The ladies are forced to improvise quite frequently.
* ChekhovsArmory: The film is made of this. The climax, in fact, centers around pretty much everything we saw Lauren doing in her acting and ballet classes at the very beginning. (Also, [[spoiler: Sandy's stolen Christmas tree ornament]] comes in pretty handy.)
* ClusterFBomb: Sandy sure loves 'em--which Lauren [[LampshadeHanging lampshades]]. But ironically, the most blatant example in the film is ''Lauren'' doing her "Crazy / {{Badass}} Cop" impression.
* ColdWar
* ComicallyMissingThePoint: Lauren holds a gun to [[spoiler: Stan]] after he [[spoiler: tries to kill her]], then proceeds to [[ReasonYouSuckSpeech berate him for making a mockery of the New York acting community]]. Sandy has to rush over to get her to snap out of it....
* DaddysGirl: Lauren is this, as we see when she tries to borrow money for Korzenowsky's class from her parents. Her mother won't let her in the door; her father throws her a check from the window of their high-rise.
* DeadpanSnarker: Sandy, all the freaking ''time''. She's a bit of a SnarkKnight.
** Stan is quite snarky, himself.
** Lauren is a bit of a [[GentlemanSnarker Lady Snarker]].
* DefectorFromCommieLand: [[spoiler: Stan's]] way of avoiding repercussions back in Mother Russia. He is even able to bargain for perks, including a condo on the Potomac and Redskins season tickets.
* DisguisedInDrag
* DramaQueen: Lauren can certainly be this way.
* EightiesHair: Bette Midler's character. It's not teased or anything, but it is as wide as her shoulder-padded shoulders.
* EroticEating: Lauren (with sexy Russian [[Film/JamesBond Bond Girl]] voice) + Michael + a chicken leg.
* {{Expy}}: Lauren is in many ways a "clone" of [[{{Cheers}} Diane Chambers]], except that she's also great at ballet. ([[PrecisionFStrike And Lauren's willing to curse, if the situation calls for it.]]) Especially notable in that ShelleyLong tends to try and downplay any Diane-like "quirks" when playing other characters--but in this film, she at times seems to be cranking it UpToEleven.
* FakeNationality: InUniverse ''and'' out: Robert Prosky is an American playing a Russian who, at one point, disguises himself as an American.
--> '''Stan''' (removing his mask): So. Some of us who teach can also do.
* FriendToAllChildren: Implied, with Lauren. She is clearly [[TearfulSmile very touched]] when Michael tells her he's trying to find the perfect Halloween costume, to help out a kid who's unable to find acceptance among his classmates. Later, she makes a point to tell Sandy to let ''her'' talk to the kid holding them at gunpoint--presumably because she's better with children.
* GagPenis / BiggerIsBetterInBed: Michael's defining physical characteristic, which is how Lauren and Sandy know [[spoiler: the burned corpse at the morgue isn't him]].
--> '''Sandy:''' Michael was not a guy other guys would've made ''fun'' of in the locker room, ''okay''?
* GoodPeopleHaveGoodSex: Lauren sports a radiant glow and a BIG smile after her night with Michael, which Sandy makes sure to comment on. [[spoiler: Michael turns out to be a bad guy, though.]]
* GroinAttack: Threatened by Sandy ("I'll shoot it off, Stan").
* GratuitousRussian
* InstantSeduction: The first time Lauren meets Michael, he's a customer in the costume shop where she works. She's moved by his telling her he's a teacher trying to find the perfect costume for one of his students who's trying hard to fit in. She offers to help him make one. The very next scene shows the two of them in bed, Michael "apologizing" for the quick turn of events, explaining that "I just...had to kiss you." Lauren, [[GoodPeopleHaveGoodSex radiant with afterglow,]] is charmed even more by this.
* HeyItsThatGuy: Murphy Brown's housepainter is dealing drugs!
* TheLadette: Sandy's not above talkin' trash and often acting pretty "macho" with the best of them, though she still cares about her physical appearance in the "feminine" fashion, among other things.
* LampshadeHanging: When our gals finally manage to reach one of their destinations after an especially exhausting ordeal, a bunch of guys drive by, hooting and whistling and otherwise calling out to them in HelloNurse fashion. Lauren can't resist:
--> '''Lauren:''' Now, why do they do that? Has there ever been ''one'' woman in the history of the world who actually said--''(with CoyGirlishFlirtPose)'' "Yes, fellas, ''please''--take me, ''now''!"?
--> '''Sandy:''' ''(Wimpering)'' For a bed and a bath, I...I'd consider it--
--> '''Lauren:''' Bite your ''tongue''....
* LiteraryAllusionTitle: ''{{Hamlet}}'', in case you don't recognize the quote....
* LovelyAngels: Lauren and Sandy find themselves becoming this, each discovering their HiddenBadass over the course of the film.
* MsFanservice: Lauren has a few moments of this. In addition to her nights with Michael, the scene in Stan's waiting room has her dressed in an outfit that has a see-through blouse covering AbsoluteCleavage that goes down to her waist.
** It gets better. Shortly before Sandy shows up, Lauren engages in some breathing exercises [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything that quickly sound like she's partaking in something else entirely....]]
* MuggedForDisguise: Lauren and Sandy appropriate Frank's clothes. (At least they're nice enough to leave him their skirts and blouses.)
* TheOphelia: Well, in a literal way: [[spoiler: Sandy plays Ophelia in the production of ''Hamlet'' at the end]].
* ThePowerOfActing: It turns out that Lauren's many years of studying the theater pay off in tracking down [[spoiler: Michael]] and foiling the bad guys.
* RansackedRoom: The film plays this straight, then spoofs it. First, the two women go to Lauren's apartment ''while it's being ransacked''. After a daring escape, they head to Sandy's place to find it a complete mess as well. Lauren cries, "Oh, no, they've been here!" and tries to run, but Sandy grabs her and says, "Nobody's been here. This is normal."
* RedOniBlueOni: Sandy is red, and Lauren is blue.
* RogueAgent: What [[spoiler: Michael]] turns out to be.
* ScaryBlackMan: Lauren and Sandy's cab driver.
* SdrawkcabName: Sort of. Stan's name is almost the reverse of real-life actor Constantin Stanislavsky.
* SeriousBusiness: Lauren does not appreciate any insults to the honor of the theater--to the point where we hear her arguing with Sandy over the value of ''Hamlet''--''[[spoiler: as the credits start rolling]]''!
* ShakespeareanActors: What Lauren aspires to be. Her ambition is to play Hamlet, [[spoiler: which she finally accomplishes at the end of the film]].
* ShoutOut: Sandy once sarcastically calls out to Lauren as "Lady Di". ShelleyLong, of course, is most famous for playing ''Di''ane Chambers of ''{{Cheers}}''.
** A retroactive example: When Sandy gives a brief summary of the situation to Frank, he looks at her in bewilderment and asks, "The '60s ''were'' good to you, weren't they?" This line would be recycled for ''Film/{{Cars}}'', where an inverted version would be asked ''of'' George Carlin's character, Fillmore....
* SpiritedYoungLady: Lauren, who is ladylike and feminine UpToEleven, but is quite skilled at fencing and is ''not'' afraid to actually ''stab'' her match opponent in the beginning of the film.
* SpoiledSweet: Lauren. To her credit, she's kind of aware of it, as she explains to Sandy when they argue over who should go over to the [[ScaryBlackMan super-intimidating cab driver....]]
* StonersAreFunny: Especially when they're played by GeorgeCarlin.
* TeenyWeenie: The unfortunate fellow at the morgue, [[spoiler: falsely identified as Michael]], as Sandy tries to explain to the cops:
--> '''Lauren:''' I think he's got the big picture now--
--> '''Sandy:''' ''Oh,'' I don't think he ''does''! ''(To cop)'' This guy in the morgue...whoever he is...[[InvokedTrope he's got a...]] ''(Wicked grin)'' Does the phrase "''needle-dick''"--"the ''bugfucker''"--mean anything to you?
* TheEighties: Check out those opening credits.
* TomboyAndGirlyGirl: [[PlayingWithATrope Played with.]] [[DownplayedTrope Downplayed]] for Sandy, who is technically more of TheLadette, but Lauren most definitely qualifies as a GirlyGirl.
* UniversalPoison: What [[spoiler: Michael stole]]. Specifically, a green toxin that will destroy all vegetation around the world ''with just a few drops''.
* VanityIsFeminine: At one point, the gals stop right what they're doing to check their makeup, and then spend the next moment or two remarking on how they look and whether or not their hair colors are natural.
* WeNeedADistraction: How about emptying an entire lunchbox filled with money into a crowd of waiting airline passengers?
* WhamLine: "Nine years of ballet, asshole!"
* WhiteGuilt: Lauren gets TongueTied when she tries to say "Caucasian", while trying to describe Michael to the black cab driver--finally settling for nervously dropping race entirely (and ''announcing'' it). She ends up panicking over possibly [[DiggingYourselfDeeper digging herself deeper]]...and later gets ''very'' nervous over the fact that the man soon drives her and Sandy ''deep'' into Harlem. Sandy can't resist ribbing her about it.
* YouNeedToGetLaid: Sandy's reply when Lauren explodes at her in their first encounter. Lauren's shocked silence implies it hits VERY close to home.

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