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[[caption-width-right:320:ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin]]

''Machete Kills'' is a 2013 exploitation action film directed by Creator/RobertRodriguez. It is the sequel to ''Film/{{Machete}}''.

In exchange for a [[ThePardon full pardon]] and US citizenship, the President of the United States (Creator/CharlieSheen) tasks Machete (Creator/DannyTrejo) with stopping insane Mexican revolutionary Marcos Mendez (Demian Bichir) from launching a missile at Washington DC. With help from his new handler Blanca Vasquez aka Miss San Antonio (Amber Heard), Machete infiltrates Mendez' secret base, but runs into trouble when he finds out that Mendez has [[DeadManSwitch wired the detonator to his heart]], which Mendez then activates, [[TimeBomb starting a 24-hour countdown]] until the missile launches.

Machete has a day to get Mendez across the US-Mexican border alive to the only person who can deactivate the detonator: CorruptCorporateExecutive Luther Voz (Creator/MelGibson), who has his own agenda. Adding to Machete's troubles, Mendez left instructions to put a ten million dollar bounty on his own head if anything happened to him, which put several people on Machete's trail, including the [[LatexPerfection perfect disguise wearing]] assassin El Camaleon (Walton Goggins/Cuba Gooding Jr./Music/LadyGaga/Creator/AntonioBanderas).

Rounding out the cast are Desdemona (Creator/SofiaVergara), a madam and leader of a gang of assassins who blames Machete [[spoiler: for the death of her daughter]], and Creator/MichelleRodriguez reprising her role as Luz.

It will be followed by ''Machete Kills Again...[[RecycledInSpace In Space!]]''

!!This film includes examples of:

* ActionDressRip: Miss San Antonio slices a long line down her skirt so she can move freely.
* ActionGirl: Luz, Sartana, and the nurses.
* AdamWesting:
** Charlie Sheen is basically himself as the POTUS, even saying "Winning was only the beginning."
** Arguably Mel Gibson as Voz. While his insanity is more subtle, he still makes Mendez look somewhat sane.
* AdvertisedExtra:
** Alexa Vega as one of Desdemona's mooks.
** All of El Cameleon's faces, who are played by celebrities in little more than cameos.
* AffablyEvil: Luthor Voz is by all means a friendly bad guy, even when he's plan is destroy most of the world with a couple of nukes.
* AndStarring: "With Demian Bichir. And Creator/MelGibson as Voz. And introducing [[Creator/CharlieSheen Carlos Estevez]]"
* AscendedFanboy: Voz becomes this after confessing to be a StarWars fan, with [[spoiler:clone armies, donning a mask after getting his face roasted like Darth Vader, traps Luz in carbonite like how Han Solo got captured and trapped in carbonite, has Star Wars-esque decor on his ship, and if the trailer for Machete Kills Again... In Space is to be believed, he will wear a Darth Vader-esque outfit]]. Also see ShoutOut below.
** He also fights Machete with a [[StarTrek bat'leth]]
* AxCrazy: Mendez. [[spoiler: Only the Madman personality though.]]
* BackForTheDead: [[spoiler: Sartana and Osiris Amanpour]] reappear but are killed off.
* BadassBoast:
** Between Machete and Voz.
-->'''Voz''': You cannot defeat me, because I know your every move!
-->'''Machete''': ''Nobody'' knows Machete!
** Also:
-->'''Luz''': I can't see you, but I can still kick your ass!
* BadassGrandpa:
** Mendez points out that it is not normal for someone in Machete's line of work to survive to be his age.
** Voz is old and an even match for Machete.
* BadassInANiceSuit: Machete and Luz, when they [[spoiler: infiltrate Voz's party at the climax]]. Luz even packs a matching EyepatchOfPower.
* BareHandedBladeBlock: Machete catches a katana with his left hand, bloodying it.
* BareYourMidriff: Luz again; also Desdemona and her hench women.
* BecomingTheMask:
** Miss San Antonio takes her pageantry very seriously despite it only being a cover. [[spoiler: Voz uses this to turn her with the promise of a crown if she helps him.]]
** [[spoiler: Also what happened to Mendez. He was Mexico's first and only secret agent sent to infiltrate the drug cartels, and the stress from the things he had to do, plus seeing his family beaten, drove Mendez insane and created a SplitPersonality that really was a psychotic criminal.]]
* BigBad: Luther Voz
* BilingualBonus:
** El Cuerpo means "the body."
** Blanca Vasquez's first name means "white." She's blonde, green-eyed and doesn't look Latina. She's played by the very much not Latina Amber Heard.
* BondVillainStupidity: El Chameleón forces Machete to dig his own grave, allowing him to escape.
* CallBack:
** A senator John [=McLaughlin=] poster could be seen hanging in a Arizona police department, while two officers try to hang Machete.
** [[spoiler:Several of Von Jackson's old border vigilantes shoot and kill El Chameleón 4.]]
** [[spoiler:Luz gets shot in the eye again. She threatens Blanca with what she did to the last person who shot her in the eye]].
* TheCameo:
** Sartana comes back in the ColdOpening [[spoiler:before being shown she was BackForTheDead.]]
** Walton Goggins appears as El Chameleón's "first" face.
** Cuba Gooding Jr. as El Chameleón 2
** LadyGaga as El Chameleón 3
** Antonio Banderas as El Chameleón 4
** Music/VanessaHudgens cameos as Cereza [[spoiler:who is [[DeathByCameo shockingly killed off]] not a couple of minutes after she was introduced.]]
* CartwrightCurse: Losing your wife (with daughter) was not enough to break Machete, so [[spoiler:Sartana dies too, and if Machete Kills Again... In Space is to be believed, Luz will also be the unlucky one.]]
* CatchAndReturn: When a man throws a butcher knife at Machete, he catches it and throws it back.
* ChekhovsGun: The grappling line and the molecular blaster.
* ChuckCunninghamSyndrome: What happened to Julio, the red-headed kid who was part of the Underground?
* CliffHanger: [[spoiler: Machete stops the missiles, but Voz escapes into space with soldiers, minions, captives, and a frozen Luz. [[SequelHook Cue sequel.]]]]
* ClingyJealousGirl: Luz is not pleased to learn that Machete slept with Miss San Antonio.
* CombatClairvoyance: Voz can see the future through some unexplained space phenomena.
* ContrivedCoincidence: El Camaleon forces Machete to dig his own grave right above a tunnel for illegal immigrants trying to get into the US, allowing Machete to escape.
* DarkActionGirl: Miss San Antonio; Desdemona and her associates; La Chameleón.
* DarkerAndEdgier: Contrasting from the previous film, [[spoiler: Zarors and Osiris turn into LudicrousGibs when they die, most of the Network members get killed by one Zaror in the final battle while the surviving ones get captured and taken to Voz's space station for slave labor, Luz is 100% blind and trapped in carbonite, and Mendez's backstory reveals that his wife and daughter were tortured to death, unlike how Machete's wife just got beheaded and their daughter killed offscreen in the previous film]].
** On the other hand, this film got a 15 rating in the UK, compared to 18 for the original.
* DeadManSwitch: The rocket launch is connected to Mendez's heart, preventing Machete from simply killing him.
* DeathByIrony:
** [[spoiler: Miss San Antonio - who had earlier declared that her beauty-pageant tiara was the only thing in life that mattered to her - is killed when Luz plunges said tiara into her heart and then shoots her in the head.]]
** [[spoiler: El Chameleón is killed by a racist gang because he disguised himself as a Mexican man and then tried to pass off as a Canadian.]]
** [[spoiler: Voz attempts to invoke this on Machete, trying to kill him with the only one of his futuristic guns that Machete favored.]]
* DenserAndWackier: ''Machete Kills'' starts off as another AffectionateParody of gritty grindhouse films like it's predecessor, but quickly turns into something like a Creator/RogerMoore era ''Film/JamesBond'' film, what with the secret base in the hidden temple, the gimmicky assassin, [[spoiler: [[Film/{{Moonraker}} the CEO who wants to destroy and rebuild Earth from his space station]]]].
* DepravedHomosexual: Arguably with [[spoiler:Voz]]. See EvenTheGuysWantHim below.
* DesignatedGirlFight: The last fight between [[spoiler: Luz and Blanca]].
* DisposableWoman: [[spoiler:Sartana is killed in the opening scene to give Machete motivation. Cereza is also killed shortly after introduction to give Desdemona motivation]].
* DoesNotLikeMen: Desdemona equates ''all'' men with her abusive father and the men responsible for her daughter's death. She explains this to some poor sap before violently whipping him and breaking his neck.
* {{Dominatrix}}: Desdemona, who DoesNotLikeMen.
* TheDragon: Mendez has one named Zaror, who puts up a bit more of a fight for Machete. [[spoiler: He is one of several clones created by Voz, making him TheDragon for Voz several times over.]]
* DragonTheirFeet: [[spoiler: In the best Bond Villain tradition, Voz gets his face burned off while Miss San Antonio and at least one Zaror are still alive and breathing. Subverted when Voz improbably survives, setting up the CliffHanger ending.]]
* DumbIsGood: Voz tells Machete that he believes his precognition powers don't work on him because Machete doesn't have a whole lot going on up there (which is really not giving Machete enough credit).[[note]]It's entirely possible he was just taunting Machete, as well.[[/note]]
* EliteMook: Zaror gives Machete a run for his money with each rematch.
* EvenTheGuysWantHim: Voz stares at Machete while he is getting dressed.
* ExpendableClone: Voz has an army of clones [[spoiler: which Mendez' [[TheDragon Dragon]] Zaror is one of]]. He also expresses interest in getting genetic samples from Machete to make clones of him.
* EyeScream: [[spoiler: Luz loses her one good eye while fighting Miss San Antonio. For no real reason besides Rule Of Cool, she turns Blind Weapon Master and wins the battle anyway.]]
* FaceHeelTurn: [[spoiler: Miss San Antonio had dones this sometime before the movie starts.]]
* TheFaceless: We never actually see El/La Camaleon's face. He/she just keeps removing mask after mask.
* FlippingTheBird: Luz defiantly flips Voz off [[spoiler:as she is frozen in carbonite.]]
* GangstaStyle: La Chameleón lets a victim choose how he'll hold is gun when killing him, calling gangsta style "with flair." When the guy asks for the "coolest way," the Chameleon flips the gun upside down and pulls the trigger with his pinky.
* GatlingGood: Desdemona has a special bra with built-in twin gatling guns.
* GenreSavvy: Voz is perfectly aware that Machete is superior to any number of his {{Mook}}s, or even his {{Elite Mook}}s. [[spoiler: That's why he wants Machete's DNA, after all.]]
* GenderBender: El/La Camelaon "becomes" Lady Gaga between Cuba Gooding Jr. and Antonio Banderas.
* {{Gorn}}
* GroinAttack: Desdemona says that as a child, she bit off her abusive father's balls when he tried to rape her.
** A rare female-on-female example during the fight between Luz and [[spoiler: Miss San Antonio]]. Lampshaded in a post-credits outtake.
* HandicappedBadass: Luz, who [[spoiler:kills Miss San Antonio while completely blind.]]
* HeelFaceTurn[=/=]HeelFaithTurn: [[spoiler: After killing Machete's brother in the first movie, Osiris had become a man of the cloth. It later becomes a RedemptionEqualsDeath.]]
* HelicopterBlender: [[spoiler:The first]] Zaror's fate. Later improved by Machete by attaching his grappling hook to the rotor and using his machete to decapitate mooks faster than the eye can see.
* HeroOfAnotherStory: [[spoiler:After Machete disarms the missile, the President informs him that he had other agents disarm Voz's other missiles from around the globe.]]
* {{Homage}}: While not a direct ShoutOut, the part where [[spoiler:Luz is blinded and must fight the Dark Action Girl is very similar to Rodriguez's previous film ''Once Upon a Time in Mexico, where Agent Sands is blinded and must do the same]].
* ImmuneToFate: Voz's precognitive abilities cannot account for Machete's actions, something that baffles him.
-->'''Machete''': Machete happens.
* InLoveWithYourCarnage: Mendez and Voz both express admiration for Machete's skills.
* KarmaHoudini: [[spoiler: Desdemona who just vanishes halfway through the film and Luther Voz survive the movie.]]
* KarmicDeath: [[spoiler:Miss San Antonio sells Machete out for a crown...on which she is subsequently ImpaledWithExtremePrejudice.]]
* KatanasAreJustBetter: Machete kills a lot of people with his various souped-up machetes, but he's defeated by Voz, who wields a katana. However, Voz does discard the katana for an oversized bat'leth to deliver a killing blow. It's also made fairly clear that neither the blade, or even Voz's skill, have anything to do with it; [[spoiler: rather, his admittedly imperfect ability to see the future and predict Machete's moves.]]
* KnightTemplar: Mendez. [[spoiler: The Revolutionary personality.]]
* LanguageBarrier: El Chameleón is really bad at Spanish. At one point, he tries to ask an old Mexican man for directions, but the man cannot understand him, prompting the frustrated hitman to kill him.
* LargeHam: Several, with Desdemona being the standout.
* LatexPerfection: El Chameleón. Repeatedly.
* LatinoIsBrown: Amber Heard plays "Blanca Vasquez," who is blonde, green-eyed and apparently Mexican-American, yet [[spoiler:she's also a double-agent, so her whiteness is apparently a hint that her Mexican identity is a fraud]].
* LeaveNoWitnesses: El Chameleón kills ''anybody'' who sees him, even when he's just walking down the street instead of performing an assassination.
* MacheteMayhem: The hero's WeaponOfChoice, of course. This time he gets several upgrades.
* MadeASlave: Voz uses kidnapped immigrants as slave labor. [[spoiler:Later, he has Machete and Luz's teammates enslaved and taken to his space station.]]
* MadeOfIron: Machete is evidently immune to electricity, hanging, and bullets.
* MagicCountdown: The timer for the missile launch is a blatant example of TheyJustDidntCare.
* TheManTheyCouldntHang: Machete gets hanged by a racist sheriff near the beginning. To the sheriff's amazement, other than being unable to free himself, Machete is unaffected. Instead he just '''glares''' at the sheriff until the President calls in his pardon.
* TheMole: [[spoiler:Miss San Antonio]]
%%* MoreDakka
* MsFanservice: Music/LadyGaga as El Chameleón 3. Flips into FanDisservice when you hear [[spoiler: Cuba Gooding Jr's voice coming out of his/her mouth]].
* NeckSnap: Desdemona wraps a whip around a poor guy's neck and pulls until it breaks.
* NeverTrustATrailer:
** Invoked and parodied. The pre-movie trailer for ''Machete Kills Again ...in Space'' bills Creator/LeonardoDiCaprio as "The Man in the Silver Mask". With [[FakeShemp no shots of his face]] and a disclaimer noting "[[TheOtherMarty actor subject to change]]". [[spoiler: Even this much is BlatantLies, since by the end of the film we've seen Voz become The Man in the Silver Mask.]]
** The trailer for ''Machete Kills'' implies that Desdemona and El Chameleón were Voz's henchmen, but they are actually independent bad guys.
* TheNoseKnows: Luz is able to tell Machete slept with Miss San Antonio by sniffing him.
* ObliviousToLove: When Luz gets upset that Machete slept with Miss San Antonio, he's confused as to why.
* OffWithHisHead: The fate of many, many mooks, as well as [[spoiler: Mendez]].
* OurPresidentsAreDifferent: Creator/CharlieSheen is a dickish President who doesn't believe in gun control, enforces anti-illegal immigration policies, legalized marijuana for the tax money, and sleeps with four women in the same bed.
* OurZombiesAreDifferent: Not outright stated, but it is hinted that the reason why Machete can't die is because Machete is vengeance itself.
* PhallicWeapon: Desdemona's strap-on is a gun that she fires via vigorous hip thrusting.
* RidingTheBomb: [[spoiler: Machete, during the finale.]]
* RousingSpeech: Mr. President to Machete, with a side order of TitleDrop.
-->''"Machete '''kills'''. That's what he does!"''
* RuleOfCool: Machete uses his grappling gun to swing around on a helicopter rotor to slice off heads at over two hundred miles an hour!
* RunningGag: The "Machete don't text" gag from the first film gets reused as "Machete don't X".
* SchrodingersCast: [[spoiler: Osiris Amanpour died in a deleted scene during the first ''Machete'', but since the scene was deleted, he's able to return in ''Kills'', having done a Heel Face Turn in the meantime.]]
* SequelHook: The trailer for ''Machete Kills Again...[[RecycledInSpace In Space!]]'' at the beginning of the film, plus a slightly different one after the ending which teases [[spoiler: Machete fighting his EvilTwin.]]
* ShoutOut:
** Voz shows how big of a ''Franchise/StarWars'' fan he is by having a vehicle modeled after Luke's landspeeder, as well as [[spoiler:having a clone army and freezing Luz in carbonite a la Han Solo.]]
** Later Vox fights Machete with a [[Franchise/StarTrek Bat'leth]].
** Desdemona also uses a crotch gun just like Sex Machine in ''Film/FromDuskTillDawn''.
** El Camaleon's WeaponOfChoice is a [[Film/TheManWithTheGoldenGun golden gun]].
** In one scene, a bar serves only Tequila and Chango. Chango is the fictional beer found in the ''El Mariachi'' series.
* SleazyPolitician: The President is a hedonistic, self-absorbed douchebag.
* SplitPersonality: As it turns out, [[spoiler:Mendez had at least three personalities: the calm and reasonable revolutionary, the evil and batshit insane cartel leader, and the ''badass'' secret agent. When Machete asks how many personalities he has, the Agent says "That's classified."]]
* SuddenSequelDeathSyndrome: [[spoiler: After being the main female lead in the first film, Sartana is killed before the opening credits of the sequel]].
* TakeThat: "AndStarring Music/JustinBieber as Bleep the robot!" *Bleep takes a bullet to the face.*
* TakingTheBullet: [[spoiler:Osiris]] shields Machete from a disintegrator ray, dying in the process.
* ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill: A mechanic in a wheelchair gets shot by several machine guns, then blown up by a rocket launcher.
* TrailersAlwaysSpoil: Thanks to the trailer for next film we see at the beginning of this film, we know who survives the film itself. Subverted in the case of [[spoiler: the Chameleon]], who dies. The trailer does acknowledge this, however, by specifying [[spoiler: "Lady Gaga as, whoever she wants to be."]]
* TwoFaced: Happens to [[spoiler:Luther Voz]] when he gets shot in the face with a flamethrower.
* WeCanRuleTogether: Voz, seeing Machete as the perfect warrior, tries to recruit him. Of course, the hero refuses.
* WireDilemma: Referenced by Luz when Machete refuses to take along her bomb expert, [[spoiler: Osiris Amanpour]]. Luz says she heard its always the blue wire anyway. [[spoiler: Later Osiris gets shot and Machete must disarm the missile by himself anyway. It ends up Luz was absolutely right.]]
* WorldOfHam: And how...
* YoureInsane:
-->'''Machete''': You're crazy.
-->'''Mendez''': With a capitol "C", muchacho!