[[quoteright:268:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/j_men_forever_videocover.png]]

Creator/TheFiresignTheatre's most successful production beyond its audio work was the 1979 GagDub movie ''J-Men Forever'' (a.k.a ''The Day the Earth Got Stoned''), a homage to the Creator/RepublicPictures {{Film Serial}}s of the 1930-50s, consisting of several serials spliced together into absurdity. The villainous [[BigBad Lightning Bug]] schemes to conquer the Earth with SexDrugsAndRockAndRoll, and only the J-Men -- a dedicated team of tight-assed straights...err, [[LanternJawOfJustice straight-jawed]] [[SuperheroesWearTights men-in-tights]] -- can stop him!
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!!This movie contains the following tropes:
* AddedAlliterativeAppeal
-->'''Admiral Ballsy:''' A flood of senseless, sensual music has been drowning out every sensible speaker in the city, but our crafty cryptographers are working day and night to uncover some clue from this relentless flow of garbled gibberish.
* AwesomeMcCoolname: The Lightning Bug thinks up some better names for his overly-bland minions.
-->'''Lightning Bug:''' You...you're the Freeway Freak!
-->'''Arthur Wingnut:''' I'm sorry, Your Electricity, but I'm Arthur Wingnut...
-->'''Lightning Bug:''' You WERE Arthur Wingnut--now you're the Freeway Freak!
* TheBigRottenApple: Faced with the destruction of The Big Apple, the police engage in union negotiations while the Mayor decides he should be the first to be evacuated ([[LaserGuidedKarma instead he drowns]] when the tunnel to New Jersey floods). When The Chief is told that the Lightning Bug has been destroyed at the cost of New York City being wiped off the map, he declares it, "A double victory!"
* BurningTheFlag / CutHisHeartOutWithASpoon: Agent Burns indignantly refuses a bribe.
-->"I'm going to have you wrapped in the U.S flag and burned personally by the President, in high-octane American gasoline!"
* {{Brainwashed}}: The Lightning Bug attempts to brainwash the people of Earth with rock & roll broadcasts, but is successfully countered by schmaltzy music from the Military Underground Sugared Airwaves Command (M.U.S.A.C.). He then tries gassing them with hash smoke.
* CanisLatinicus: The motto of the J-Men is ''U Cannabis Smokem''.
* CliffhangerCopout:
** Lampshaded at the end of the film when Agent Barton mourns the J-Men who died in order to take down the evil Lightning Bug. The Chief just laughs, and we get a montage of Cliffhanger Cop-Outs showing that [[NotQuiteDead all the J-Men survived their predicaments]].
** There's a classic example with Agent Spike's demise, as he suddenly has enough space to jam his gun between the spikes and the AdvancingWallOfDoom that he didn't have before.
* CoolAndUnusualPunishment: Spy Swatter is being tortured by ThoseWackyNazis with a HurricaneOfPuns.
-->'''Evil Nazi:''' Welcome to the Hot Hitler Disco, where the beat never Gestopos. If we can't spring some info from you, we'll make you listen to Music/DonnaSummer all winter, until you fall.
-->'''Spy Swatter:''' {{Anything but that}}, fiend!
* DisproportionateRetribution:
** Creator/JohnWayne flies around bombing anyone who might be smoking marijuana.
** The Caped Madman breaks a man's skull when he tries to "unload a Buick with a Chevy engine" on him.
** The Lightning Bug uses his ray gun on a minion who's using his work phone to make personal calls.
** Rocket Jock shoots down a Martian spaceship for flying with a faulty muffler.
* DisastrousDemonstration: Admiral Ballzy accidentally destroys a skyscraper while demonstrating the deadly effects of rock & roll music.
* DissonantLaughter: The Caped Madman laughs constantly as he goes around inflicting violence.
* DisconnectedByDeath:
** A J-Man finds TheWallsAreClosingIn on his telephone booth (though it's revealed at the end that, [[CliffhangerCopout like all J-Men]], he had the cunning to survive his predicament).
** An informer is making a secret call to J-Men headquarters when the Lightning Bug bursts in on him.
--->'''The Bug:''' Ah-HAH! Making personal calls on MY line!
--->''(The Bug zaps him with his ray-pistol. On the other end of the line, [[ReachingBetweenTheLines smoke pours from the phone]] held by the Chief)''
--->'''The Chief:''' Hello? Operator? Listen, we were cut off in the midst of a [[VisualGag hot tip]]. I want to make sure [[SkewedPriorities we weren't charged for that call.]]
** Later a J-Man gets caught in a DrowningPit. On that occasion water pours out of the phone.
* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: TheLittleDetecto used to find the Bug's secret broadcasting cave is called the Dildonator.
* DragonLady: The villainess Sombra.
* TheEndOrIsIt: When TheEnd appears at the conclusion of the credits, we hear the Lightning Bug say, "Or is it, J-Men?" and give an EvilLaugh.
* EvilLaugh: Machine Gun Kelly does this [[LargeHam with gusto]], and The Caped Madman [[LaughingMad gleefully]] inflicts violence on friend and foe alike.
* ExplosiveOverclocking = CollapsingLair
-->'''The Bug:''' Turn it up! [[TimTaylorTechnology More juice, Bruce!]]
-->'''Moon Goon:''' But [[YoureInsane you're mad]] -- the Moon is being destroyed!
-->'''The Bug:''' You don't know good music when you hear it!
-->''(RocksFallEveryoneDies)''
-->'''The Bug:''' That's what I call [[BondOneLiner getting stoned!]]
* FunWithAcronyms: The rock & roll invasion is fought by the combined forces of the F.C.C. (Federal Culture Control), KRAP Radio, and M.U.S.A.C. (Military Underground Sugared Airwaves Command). Meanwhile wimpy security guard [[PunnyName Billy Batchit]] becomes 'The Caped Madman' by uttering the magic word "SH-BOOM!", enabling him to take on all the vices of a J-Man of the Secret Service: S for Sneaky, H for Hateful, B for Bigotted, O for Obnoxious, [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment another O for Double-Obnoxious]], and M for Mean!
* {{Gesundheit}}: Inverted
-->'''J-Man:''' What do you know about this?
-->''(Analyst gives substance the sniff test, then sneezes)''
-->'''Analyst:''' Ha-a-a-''hashish!''
-->'''J-Man:''' Hashish oil, eh?
* GroinAttack
-->'''Lone Star:''' ''(singing)'' I'm a super copper on a super chopper! There's no job too dangerous or small for me! I'm the pro-tec-torrr... ''(leaps a canyon on his motorcycle and lands hard on the other side)'' Uuuugh!!! Owww, I forgot my protector...
* HellishLA: [[{{Pun}} Lost]] Angeles has so much smog the Bug figures no-one will notice the hash smoke he intends to bombard the city with until it's too late. Fortunately Rocket Jock, wearing a full-face helmet to protect him from the smog, disregards his personal feelings for the city and blows up the hash missile with his RayGun, getting a face full of hash smoke in the process.
-->'''Rocket Jock:''' Makes me feel like I'm flyyyyiiiiiiiing!!!
* HeroicComedicSociopath: The enthusiasm with which [[Film/TheAdventuresOfCaptainMarvel Captain Marvel]] went around killing villains is parodied with the Caped Madman.
-->'''Caped Madman:''' Dirty towelheads!
-->'''Arab troops:''' Wait, we're on your side! We're with the U.N!
-->'''Caped Madman:''' U.N., hey? I'll show your what we think of you One Worlders! ''(machine-guns them InTheBack)''
* HomoeroticSubtext: Between Spy Swatter and his French hairdresser, Captain Duran.
-->'''Spy Swatter:''' Drugs are being smuggled out of your country by a hooded hood called the Lightning Bug.
-->'''Captain Duran:''' It's true; some of our troops have even been growing marijuana in window boxes!
-->'''Official:''' Gentlemen, this is incredible...[[BaitAndSwitchComment do you realise how butch you two look together?]] ''(Spy Swatter and Duran exchange a guilty look)''
* InTheHood: "We're seeking a [[{{Pun}} hooded hood]] called the Lightning Bug."
* JetPack: Rocket Jock grumbles constantly about the problems of using an atomic-powered jetpack: the worry that his tailor has forgotten the lead-lining in his leather jacket, the need to hit his springboard in order to launch himself into the air, sore arches whenever he lands, [[ToastedBuns his shoes getting set on fire]], and the risk of drowning inside his full-face helmet should he get airsick.
* JustAStupidAccent: Any foreigner in the movie.
* LargeHamRadio: Justified as it's [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M._G._Kelly Machine Gun Kelly]].
-->"Hello L.A., and make way, 'cause this is the Lightning Bug, your [[BuccaneerBroadcaster pirate DJ!]] Bless my soul, you're all under the control, of ''ROCK AND ROLLLLLLL!!!!!''
** The Bug orders a number of underlings trained as DJ's too.
--->'''Lightning Bug:''' Take them away and teach them to talk like me: ''reeallll sexy!''
* MasterOfDisguise: Used to {{handwave}} why the Lightning Bug looks like half a dozen completely different villains.
* MrExposition: In order to frame the rather incoherent story, creators Philip Proctor and Peter Bergman play the Chief of the J-Men and his bumbling sidekick Agent Barton. The scenes are DeliberatelyMonochrome to match the rest of the footage.
* TheMenInBlack: The J-Men, though they appear not to know it.
-->'''Barton:''' That kook said something about ''aliens'' being behind the whole thing.
-->'''The Chief:''' Aliens? ''Suuure.'' Listen, Mexicans and Canadians are always a problem. Next thing you know they're going to be blaming it on little guys in shiny suits from Outer Space!
* NapInducingSpeak: When the top brass pull an all-night bull session they end up putting themselves to sleep, including the sentry.
* ParodyNames: A number of them for the current (i.e., fairly dull and straight-laced) musicians Lightning Bug is fighting against, such as "Prissy Fey" (Percy Faith).
* PersonWithTheClothing: Agent Sleeve Coat.
* ThePowerOfRock: Rock broadcasts from the Lightning Bug's moonbase are powerful enough to cause cars to crash, buildings to collapse, and record moguls to commit suicide. Finally the [[DetonationMoon Moon itself is destroyed]] when the Lightning Bug cranks up his hi-fi too loud.
* {{Pun}}: Everyone makes these.
** The old guy who steps out of the john to talk to Billy Batchit says he's a member of the Privy Council, and departs saying, "May the Flush be with you!"
** When some criminals are lifting a car engine on a pulley to drop on the Caped Madman, one quips that it's not the first engine that they've 'lifted'.
** The Lightning Bug has invented a DeathRay that can melt rock, so he dubs it the Hot Rock Machine.
** When the Lightning Bug disposes of a couple of J-Men in a DrowningPit, Agent Barton reports to the Chief that they're "all washed up."
** Admiral Ballsy wants to know what the latest dope is. Spy Swatter hands him a sample of the dope that the Lightning Bug is trying to smuggle into the country.
* RedAlert
-->"THIS IS THE MAYOR OF NEW YORK CITY. WE ARE UNDER ATTACK BY HIDEOUS WAVES OF ROCK MUSIC FROM THE MOON! ALL RESIDENTS ARE REQUESTED TO FLEE MINDLESSLY, WHILE MEMBERS OF THE POLICE AND FIRE DEPARTMENTS [[TheBigRottenApple WILL ASSEMBLE IN THEIR UNION HALLS]] FOR CONTRACT NEGOTIATIONS! [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere THIS IS A RECORDING]]."
* RhymesOnADime: The Lightning Bug and various other characters.
** During a fight with the Bug's thugs, The Lone Star decides, "I'll just leap on this creep!"
** Sombra sending the Bug back to the Moon in a [[SmokeOut puff of smoke]]. "Excellent plan, boss man. Now here's some smoke in your face, to send you back into Space."
** Rock'n'roll robot [=R2ScrewU=] does this for a BondOneLiner: "HERE'S A HEAVY METAL SOUND, TO PUT YOU UNDERGROUND!"
** The Bug about to blow up M.U.S.A.C. headquarters. "I'm the Lightning, and here's a hit that's frightening! And I'm gonna get those beanbags working at the J-Man's M.U.S.A.C. Command! Here comes a song, and you'll soon be gone! It's gonna be a smash, be over in a flash. So long, trash!"
* SexDrugsAndRockAndRoll: After listening to a sample of "Don't Touch Me There" by The Tubes, a J-Girl comments, "This kind of music could get me pregnant."
* SpikesOfDoom: How Agent [[MeaningfulName Spike]] meets his demise, caught between a spiked gate and an AdvancingWallOfDoom.
* {{Superhero}}es: Colonel Kink, a.k.a. Rocket Jock ([[Film/KingOfTheRocketMen Rocket Man]] a.k.a. Film/CommandoCody a.k.a. [[Film/ZombiesOfTheStratosphere Larry Martin]]), Spy Swatter (Spy Smasher), the Caped Madman ([[Film/TheAdventuresOfCaptainMarvel Captain Marvel]]) and the Lone Star (ComicBook/CaptainAmerica).
* SpinningPaper: The Herald Exaggerator.
* SpySpeak: The cryptographers are convinced the rock 'n' roll music is a secret code.
-->"[[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Da_Doo_Ron_Ron Da doo run run]]...what can that mean?"
* StockFootage:
** The {{film serial}}s being parodied include ''Film/UnderseaKingdom'' (1936), ''S.O.S. Coast Guard'' (1937), ''The Fighting Devil Dogs'' (1938), ''Film/MysteriousDoctorSatan'' (1940), ''Film/TheAdventuresOfCaptainMarvel'' (1941), ''Spy Smasher'' (1942), ''Secret Service in Darkest Africa'' (1943), ''ComicBook/CaptainAmerica'' (1944), ''The Purple Monster Strikes'' (1945), ''Film/TheCrimsonGhost'' (1946), ''The Black Widow'' (1947), ''Film/KingOfTheRocketMen'' (1949), ''Film/RadarMenFromTheMoon'' (1952), and ''Film/ZombiesOfTheStratosphere'' (1952).
** There's also the 1942 propaganda movie ''Flying Tigers'' (the scene with Creator/JohnWayne), and the destruction of New York City from the 1933 movie ''Deluge'' (used as stock disaster footage for several Republic serials) gets one more screening.
* StonerFlick: Yes, the Bug's into drugs! After his rock & roll invasion fails, the Lightning Bug decides to import hash oil to corrupt America, using a GasChamber to turn respectable school principals into hashheads and launching a huge hash missile at Los Angeles.
* TakenForGranite: A wake is held for the Caped Madman after he's drowned in molten lava. When someone suggests putting up a statue to their fallen hero, it's noted that he already is one.
* TakeThat: Plenty of jabs at popular targets of TheSeventies; e.g., the FBI, the Pentagon, and the UsefulNotes/VietnamWar. Plus UsefulNotes/LosAngeles and [[TheBigRottenApple New York City]].
* TapOnTheHead: Lampooned for BlackComedy when The Caped Madman drops an engine block on a goon's head who complains, "ARRGH! You sadistic bastard, you crushed my skull!"
* TemptingFate: The Chief calls Spike and tells him to stay close to the phone. The wall the phone is mounted on [[AdvancingWallOfDoom slides towards Spike and crushes him]].
* ThoseWackyNazis: The U-boat commander realises he's on the wrong side of the United States, so decides to blast his way through the entire country with torpedoes.
* TinCanRobot: Republic Pictures infamous KillerRobot is lampooned with rock'n'roll robot [=R2ScrewU=].
-->'''Rocket Jock:''' Uh-oh, an enraged water heater!
* ToastedBuns: Rocket Jock complains that his feet are on fire, along with the many other problems of using an atomic-powered jetpack.
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