[[quoteright:300:http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/if_5154.jpg]]

'''''if....''''' is a 1968 film written by David Sherwin, directed by Lindsay Anderson, and starring Creator/MalcolmMcDowell, in his film debut, as Mick Travis.

The film is set at a BoardingSchool, and is best known for the climactic sequence in which conflicts between the students and the school authorities escalate into outright warfare with automatic weapons.

Sherwin, Anderson, and [=McDowell=] collaborated on two further films, ''O Lucky Man!'' and ''Britannia Hospital''; both also feature [=McDowell=] as a character named Mick Travis, but they do not constitute a series except in BroadStrokes.

If you are searching for the equally subversive and seditious left-wing political cartoon series by Steve Bell, go '''[[ComicStrip/{{If}} here]]'''.
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!!This film provides examples of:

* AbsurdlyPowerfulStudentCouncil: The Year 13 "Whips" (prefects), lead by Rowntree, definitely rule the school and have a small army of younger pupils (the "Scum") who do fagging duties for them - making tea, running errands, warming toilet seats, shaving them....[[DepravedBisexual and probably other stuff too.]]
* AdultsAreUseless: The teachers, including the Head-Master, seem fairly oblivious to the goings-on at College House.
* AxesAtSchool: The films surreal final scenes show Travis and his comrades taking up arms and attacking fellow pupils, teachers and parents during Founder's Day.
* AntiHero: Travis, at most times NominalHero would fit too.
* AudienceSurrogate: Jute. Audiences unfamiliar with the particulars and traditions of British boarding school life are able to follow his bewilderment and subsequent crash-course in protocol as he starts the term at College House.
** MetaGuy
** FishOutOfWater: Both Jute and any viewers who may find the boarding school environment of the late 60's totally alien.
* {{Bishounen}}: Bobby Philips, with his feminine features and wavy, flaxen hair provides a ''textbook'' example.
--> '''Philips? That little blond - Mwah!'''
* BoardingSchoolOfHorrors
** OneGenderSchool: All boys.
* BolivianArmyEnding: At the end of the film, in a surreal sequence, Travis' group discovers a cache of automatic weapons, and revolt against the establishment. On Founders' Day, when parents are visiting the school, they start a fire under the hall, smoke out the parents, staff and boys, and open fire on them from a rooftop. Led by the visiting General who was giving the speech, the staff and boys break open the Combined Cadet Force armoury and fire back. The film ends just as "The Girl" shoots the Head-Master through the head - it is never revealed what happened following the uprising.
* BourgeoisBohemian: Travis (and friends) are this in the making, with their strong counter-culture sympathies despite having clearly upper-middle class social backgrounds.
* BreakTheHaughty: Travis and friends regularly take the snotty Denson and power-hungry Stephans down a peg or two, even though both can technically order them about in their role as Whips (prefects).
* BrilliantButLazy: Travis.
* BritishStuffiness
* BullyHunter: Travis and Johnny Knightly, who never take any shit from the prefects.
* ButtMonkey: Biles
--> '''Pass it on - "Biles, why are you a freak?"'''
* CorporalPunishment: Horribly realised on a number of occasions - but especially graphic when Rowntree takes a ''running start-up'' to cane Travis.
** StiffUpperLip: Tradition demands that he must then ''thank'' Rowntree and shake hands for the above.....
* CovertPervert: The apparently meek Mrs. Kemp enjoys walking naked through the boys' dormitory and washroom while fondling soap, towels and other objects the boys have carelessly strewn about.
** TheRuleOfFirstAdopters: The above scene features the first instance of a full-frontal female nude passed by the British Board of Film Classification.
* ADateWithRosiePalms: In another highly controversial scene, Mr. Kemp sings a hymn as his wife accompanies him on the recorder; the matron, overhearing, is driven to near orgasm.
* DawsonCasting: Played straight with the older pupils, who were mostly in their early to mid-20's at the time of shooting, but the younger First Years (the "Scum") all look to be of the correct age (11-12 years old) for starting secondary school.
* DeliberatelyMonochrome: Some sequences are in black and white. Accounts vary as to how much this was for artistic reasons and how much was down to technical difficulties and budget restrictions.
* FalseReassurance: To placate the understandably nervous head-master of the actual school used for the film's location, the filmmakers sent the school a fake script omitting the students turning on the staff and parents with guns.
* TheFatalist / NietzscheWannabe / PutThemAllOutOfMyMisery: Travis overlaps all three...
--> '''The whole world will end very soon - black, brittle bodies peeling into ash...'''
--> '''There's no such thing as a wrong war. Violence and revolution are the only pure acts.'''
--> '''One man can change the world with a bullet in the right place.'''
* FeelingOppressedByTheirExistence
* {{Foreshadowing}}: As the pupils return at the start of a new term, Travis arrives with a suitcase on his shoulder, wearing a black hat, with a black scarf across his face to hide his moustache. Stephans comments, "God, it's Guy Fawkes back again", hinting at the conclusion of the film....
* GuileHero: Travis
* LongingLook: One of the more controversial scenes (at the 1968 release) involves Philips [[http://www.lindsayandersonfilms.comxa.com/if/rupert.jpg checking out Wallace]] as he performs on the parallel bars. The use of a young boy, shot in slow-mo to accentuate his beauty and the sexual tension, was incredibly risqué for 1968.
* LoveableRogue: Travis and his mates - Wallace and Johnny.
* MsFanservice: "The Girl" is ''HOT''
* MoralGuardians: Predictably, and perhaps justifiably, the film cause moral outcry in a number of circles -- a British ambassador called the film "an insult to the nation". The then Lord Brabourne read an early draft and called it "the most evil and perverted script I've ever read. It must never see the light of day".
* NiceGuy: Wallace
* SadistTeacher / SinisterMinister: The chaplain, who is also the geometry master, enjoys grasping at boys' nipples through their shirts while they recite their lessons.
** LightIsNotGood
* SexIsViolence: Travis and "The Girl" wrestle and writhe around snarling at each other during their highly surreal, animalistic sex-scene.
* SituationalSexuality: ''All'' of the sixth form prefects (and some younger pupils) show an effusive (or uncomfortable) attraction to Bobby Philips, an extremely {{Bishounen}} First Year pupil.
** BoysLove: Wallace, having clocked Philips watching him practice in the gym, eventually takes him to bed.
* {{Swirlie}}: Biles, the dorm ButtMonkey, is dunked into a toilet.
* TeensAreMonsters
* TheReasonYouSuckSpeech: Travis delivers a cutting one to Rowntree, before he is about to cane him.
-->'''The thing I hate about you, Rowntree, is the way you give Coca-Cola to your scum, and your best teddy bear to Oxfam, and expect us to lick your frigid fingers for the rest of your frigid life.'''
* ToneShift: The first half of the film presents a ''fairly'' normal exposé of British boarding school life in 1968.....but things get much more [[MindScrew surreal]] in the second half, following the Café scenes.
** {{Surrealism}}
* TruthInTelevision: ''Any'' British ex-public school pupil, even those who recently left school, will recognise elements of their own schooling in the film -- eccentric teachers (cycling into a classroom is ''mild''), baffling rituals and rules of precedence, merciless bullying (for those unlucky enough not to avoid it), school-boy crushes, masters ''volleying'' homework across the form-room etc.
* TheVamp: "The Girl"
-->'''Go on. Look at me. Look at my eyes. I'll kill you. Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror and my eyes get bigger and bigger. And I'm like a tiger. I like tigers. Rrrrah!'''


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