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[[caption-width-right:275:''"Then Voltan will see who is the lord of the dance!"'']]

->''"I am no messenger, but I will give you a message. The message of death!"''
-->-- '''Drogo'''

''Hawk The Slayer'' is a fine piece of nonsense set in the world of ''TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons''-inspired fantasy, a place where longswords, short bows and daggers are swiftly drawn, leather, chainmail and a kind of cloth notable only for its brown-ness remain fashionable and there's always an evil one roaming about. The evil one in this adventure is Voltan ([[LargeHam Jack Palance]]), who's so very evil on account of him bearing a scar on his face that, as we're told by a mysterious figure who lives within a mountain, will not heal. Quite whether the scar came before the willingness to do evil isn't something that ''Hawk The Slayer'' makes clear but he is quickly doing all manner of terrible things, all of which seem to involve murder. Indeed, the film opens with Voltan murdering his own father as well as the woman intended to be the wife of his brother.

That brother is Hawk (John Terry), who arrives too late to save his father but in time to hear the prophecy that he had been guarding and which had seen him slain by his own son. As he dies, Hawk's father gives him a magical sword (which Voltan had desired) and the two are set on a path that will see them face one another in battle. When Voltan breaks into a convent and kidnaps the Mother Superior, a guy with an [[SchizoTech automatic crossbow]] seeks a hero. Finding none, he ends up finding Hawk. Hawk comes to the rescue of the Sisters of the Holy Word, promising not only that he will raise the two thousand pieces of gold but will defeat Voltan. Carrying his sword before him, Hawk sets out to gather a band of warriors...

They're [[http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/news/the-return-of-hawk-the-slayer.php making]] a [[http://www.joblo.com/index.php?id=24949 sequel]].

The film received the ''Podcast/RiffTrax'' treatment in Oct. 2014.
!!This movie has examples of:
* AlternateDVDCommentary: Available from [=RiffTrax=] as a [[http://www.rifftrax.com/hawk-the-slayer video-on-demand download]].
* AntiHero: Hawk seems like a TechnicalPacifist at first ("You go in peace!"); by the Hunchback scene, he seems no longer to have any qualms about murdering any mook who inconveniences him.
* BadBoss: Voltan kills his own henchmen even when it doesn't make any ''sense''.
* BadassBoast: Drogo will slay Hawk himself and claim the gold, and "then Voltan will see who is the lord of the dance!" Well, he seems to think it's badass anyway.
* BigBad: Voltan.
%% * BiggerBad:Voltan's dark mistress.
* BigEater: Baldin does almost nothing but ''eat'' in this film.
%% ** IllTakeTwoBeersToo
* TheBigGuy: The giant.
%% * BoisterousBruiser
* BottomlessMagazines: The automatic crossbow and Crow's quiver. The latter is especially bad, since when not firing he clearly has less than a dozen arrows total.
%% * BurnTheWitch
* CainAndAbel: Hawk and Voltan
* ChronicBackstabbingDisorder: Voltan, to the Nth degree.
* CoolSword: Two of them, Hawk's sword has a magic stone in its pommel which allows him to call it to his hand and throw it accurately; Voltan's has no powers but its skull-shaped pommel and four-pronged guard are cool anyway.
* CurbStompBattle: two guys with automatic weapons and a powerful witch ''vs.'' ordinary medieval soldiers. Even without the guy with the magic sword (and the dwarf with the whip) it would have been a walkover.
%% * [[DamselInDistress Damsels in Distress]]
%% * DeadpanSnarker: The dwarf.
* TheDragon: Drogo.
* DullSurprise: John Terry (Hawk) seldom cracks any sort of expression.
* DwindlingParty: Three of the party members are dead by the end.
* EvenEvilHasLovedOnes: Despite threatening to kill him at one point, Voltan seems genuinely distraught at Drogo's death, even though [[ObliviousAdoption Drogo isn't his biological son]].
* EveryoneCallsHimBarkeep: The closest thing to a name that the blind witch seems to have is "Woman".
* EvilIsPetty: Voltan is a wanton murderer who burns whole villages to the ground and is implied to have been involved with wiping out the dwarves, but the main plot is him holding a nun hostage for an amount of gold the heroes secure by fighting one random gang.
* EvilOverlord: Voltan
* ExactWords: Voltan's excuse to betray people.
* EyeScream: Voltan's scar is apparently a result of his being stabbed in the eye with a piece of burning wood by Hawk's girlfriend. The wizard he gets magic pain relief from mentions that it inexplicably refuses to heal, and in fact the flesh seems to be ''melting''.
%% * {{Flynning}}
%% * GoodWitchVersusBadWitch
%% * HeroicFantasy
%% * {{Hobbits}}
* HorribleJudgeOfCharacter: The nuns are utterly convinced they can trust ''the Dark One'' at his word.
%% * ICallItVera
* IDieFree: [[spoiler: Baldin]] invokes it.
* IdiotBall: The Abbess and nuns at the convent juggle a whole ''host'' of Idiot Balls, all based on the belief that Voltan isn't the ObviouslyEvil ChronicBackstabbingDisorder ShootTheDog Bond villain that he is.
%% * ImprobableAimingSkills
* JabbaTableManners: The Slaver. His mouth gets him killed too, so it's LaserGuidedKarma.
* LargeHam: Jack Palance as Voltan
-->'''Voltan''': "See how it glows!"
---> [[Podcast/RiffTrax Mike Nelson]]: "Jeez... how ''does'' that scenery taste, Jack?"
* LastOfHisKind: Gort, Crow and Boldwin are said to be the last members of the giant, elf, and dwarf races, respectively.
* {{Leitmotif}}: The pan flute cue every time Hawk is about to do something.
* TheLostWoods: Much of the scenes seem to be in the same patch of British forest.
%% * MauveShirt
* NeverTrustATrailer: The trailer mention's "two armies", "Voltan's army - the Devil's army, and Hawk's". In the actual movie, Hawk's "army" consists of exactly six people, while Voltan's "army" is in no way satanical and has nothing to do with TheLegionsOfHell - it's a band of some 100 or so normal human bandits.
%% * NotableOriginalMusic
* ObviouslyEvil: Voltan
* OminousFog: In said British forest.
* OurDwarvesAreAllTheSame: Averted. Hawk's dwarf companion doesn't have a long beard, and he uses a whip instead of an axe.
%% * OurElvesAreBetter
* PayEvilUntoEvil: "The end truly justifies the means!" Uh, sure...
%% * PluckyComicRelief: The dwarf.
* ProtagonistTitle
* RagtagBunchOfMisfits: Let's see we have a heroic swordsman with a CoolSword, a dwarf thief, a [[TheBigGuy Big Guy]] with blunt weapon, an elf that talks like Spock, a blind magic user that uses glowing magic balls, and a one-armed man with a automatic crossbow.
* RewardedAsATraitorDeserves: Well, Voltan offs the noviate who betrayed Hawk, but he's such a BadBoss you really can't say he treated her any differently than his own henchmen.
* RoboSpeak: Even though Crow isn't a robot, he speaks like one.
* RoleCalled
%% * SayMyName: DROGOOOOOO!
%% * SchizoTech
* SequelHook: [[spoiler: Voltan gets resurrected by the dark mistress at the end.]]
* TheStoic: Nearly everyone, due to bad, bad acting, but Hawk and his elf buddy literally never show any expression other than "intense staring".
* StopTrick: The automatic crossbow and elf's bow are so fast [[BlatantLies the camera can't keep up]] so it looks just like they repeat the same short scenes of them firing.
* SummonToHand: Hawk can make his Mindstone Blade fly into his hand by thought alone. Well, not fly, exactly. Slowly float.
* ThrowingYourSwordAlwaysWorks: Voltan actually specializes in throwing daggers (not throwing knives). When forced into an actual sword fight (after this fails against Hawk) he clearly has no idea what he's doing.
%% * UpgradeArtifact: Elven Mindstone Blade
%% * WeaponOfChoice
%% Apart from being ZCEs, the following tropes should *not* be listed as bullet points under WeaponOfChoice, but should be given their own top-level entries (per site policy)
%% ** AncestralWeapon
%% ** ImprobableWeaponUser
%% *** AutomaticCrossbows
%% *** ExoticWeaponSupremacy
%% ** WhipItGood
%% * WellDoneSonGuy: Voltan, to Drogo.
%% * WhatMeasureIsAMook
* YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe: The script attempts Medieval English patois, but fails miserably.