''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6635363/1/When_In_Doubt_Obliviate When In Doubt, Obliviate]]'' is a Franchise/HarryPotter fanfic by [[http://www.fanfiction.net/u/674180/Sarah1281 Sarah1281]] (author of the entertaining ''Fanfic/OhGodNotAgain'') where in [[ForWantOfANail Harry Potter is adopted and raised]] by Gilderoy Lockhart. Harry gets a magical upbringing and Lockhart gets the Boy-Who-Lived; everyone wins!

Well written and hilarious, this story is currently complete and comes [[FanficRecs/HarryPotterForWantOfANail highly recommended]].

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!!This fanfic provides examples of:

* AdultsAreUseless: Averted. Harry and company fetch Lockhart to go with them into the third floor corridor.
** The method of disposing of the horcrux diary is to leave it to Dumbledore who then destroyed it.
** PoliceAreUseless: Also averted. It was a team of Aurors that took down the basilisk.
* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking: Ron has declared that Snape is “Pure Evil”:
--> '''Neville''': "Funny. And here I thought that label was reserved for the Dark Lord and people who use muggle pesticides."
* BenevolentGenie / JackassGenie / LiteralGenie: Harry, Lupin, Sirius and Lockhart have a discussion (prompted by [[JackassGenie Kretcher’s behaviour]]) about the different types of genies; they even uses the trope name for two of them (they call the JackassGenie a Malevolent Genie).
* BlackWidow: Blaise’s mother; interestingly we get to see what sort of effect that has on him.
* BlatantLies: Most of what Lockhart says.
* BrainBleach: Mentioned by name.
* ButtMonkey: Poor Moaning Myrtle; she ends up [[spoiler: being attacked by the basilisk twice, killed the first time and petrified the second]].
* CassandraTruth: Lampshaded. After Gilderoy Lockhart complained that Sirius believed that Lockhart had erased his memory before taking him to St. Mungo's that fateful Halloween night, Harry commented that it was the truth.
-->'''Lockhart''': "That just makes it worse. Still, at least no one else seems to believe it."
-->'''Harry''': "I think it's the way he's phrasing it, really. It makes him sound like it's just a conspiracy theory."
-->'''Lockhart''': "I've never tried the whole Cassandra Truth but it's really working for me."
* ChekhovsGag: In chapter 2, Sirius plans to make every member of the Order of the Phoenix a Portkey to St. Mungo’s; Lupin and Dumbledore figures he needs a hobby. In chapter 7, it turns out that he succeeded and that [[spoiler: Neville’s parents are fine in this story because they had their Portkeys when the Lastrange’s and company attacked]].
* ConspiracyTheorist: Theodore Nott.
** [[TheCloudcuckoolanderWasRight The Conspiracy Theorist Was Right]]: After the announcement that a troll was loose in the school, Theodore theorized:
--> "Considering that the only things in the dungeon are Snape's classroom and office and the Slytherin Common Room, why was [Quirrell] even in the dungeon in the first place? I bet he let the troll in in the first place."
* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: A conversation between them about Harry not taking his school rivalry with Zacharias seriously sounds an awful lot like an argument from a romantic relationship on the rocks:
--> '''Zacharias''': "When was the last time you even spoke to me?"
--> '''Harry''': "Maybe October?"
--> '''Zacharias''': "Maybe October? *''Looks up to sky''* Do you see what I have to put up with?"
--> '''Harry''': "Who are you talking to? Is it me? Because I don't really-"
--> '''Zacharias''': "Oh, never mind; why are you ignoring me?"
--> '''Harry''': "It's been awhile so I'm not sure, but didn't we already have the talk about how I can't possibly be ignoring you while I'm talking to you?"
--> '''Zacharias''': "Yes, we did, but you haven't sought me out in ages!"
--> '''Harry''': "I have never sought you out."
--> '''Zacharias''': "And that's another thing!...I shouldn't always be the one who has to do the seeking out. That doesn't really put us on equal footing, does it? It makes it seem like you have better things to do while I don't."
--> '''Harry''': "Well, when you put it that way-"
--> '''Zacharias''': "And it's really not fair! Why do you never seek me out? Do you enjoy making me do all the work?"
--> '''Harry''': "I really don't; why would I seek you out? All you ever do is yell at me that I'm not paying enough attention to you!"
--> '''Zacharias''': "Well, you're not."
--> '''Harry''': "I talk to you whenever you're around."
--> '''Zacharias''': "It's not enough."
--> '''Harry''': "Fine, I'll play along. Just what do you want from me that I'm not giving you?"
--> '''Zacharias''': "I want...I want someone who glares at me when he happens to meet my eyes. I want someone who calls me by my last name. I want someone who might hex me in the hallway just because or who I could hex with people thinking I'm an ass. I want someone to laugh at all of my failures and try to downplay my victories so that I might do the same to them. I want someone whose friends I can hate and who will hate all of my friends. I want someone that no one but Snape would think of partnering me with for a project because it will just cause problems. I was a rival. Is that really so much to ask?"
--> '''Harry''': "I-I guess not, but only if the other party wants that, too, and I'd really hoped you would have understood by now, Zacharias, that that's not what I want."
* DotingParent: For all his faults, and his less then selfless reasons for taking him in originally, Lockhart is actually a good father figure.
* EveryoneHasStandards: Lockhart will memory wipe you and take credit for your achievements but seducing a student (legal or not) is “morally bankrupt”.
** Also, “Not France!”
* FateWorseThanDeath: For the Slytherins, having “Gryffindor detentions” (which are apparently worse than being forced to scrub cauldrons).
* ForWantOfANail: Lockhart happens to meet Sirius the night Harry's parents are killed and finds out where Harry is before Obliviating him and taking him to St. Mungo's. Events proceed from there.
* [[FriendlyEnemies Friendly Rivals]]: Hermione and Daphne Greengrass; so friendly in fact that the only reason they are rivals in the first place is that they agreed to be rivals so not to get caught up in the antics of being in a real rivalry.
* GenreSavvy: Pansy Parkinson.
* HypocriticalHumour: When faced with the Devil’s Snare, Neville proceeds to set it alight in revenge for it trying to kill him. Ron points out that it’s a ''plant''. Hermione points out that the fire should be extinguished (being a magical fire) so that they don’t come back to an inferno. Neville agrees figuring that the plant should be dead or at least too afraid to attack them when they come back:
--> '''Ron''': "Unless it wants bloody vengeance, too."
--> '''Neville''': "Please, Ron. It's a plant."
* InSpiteOfANail: Harry and Lockhart [[spoiler: stop Voldemort in front of the Mirror of Erised but the Chamber of Secrets still gets opened]].
* KillItWithFire: The Devil’s Snare.
* LeaningOnTheFourthWall:
--> '''Harry''': "Well, you know how Snape and my mother used to be close friends?"
--> '''Daphne''': "I'm pretty sure that there are Muggles who have heard this by now."
* ManChild: Sirius. Despite being in his 30’s (not that he’ll admit it), if forced to go into a book store, he will go to the children’s section and read in order to amuse himself and was up at four on Christmas morning in order to open presents.
* MistakenForGay: The other students theorize that when Zacharias Smith and Ernie [=MacMillan=] were caught in the Trophy Room at midnight that they wanted “a little alone time” (they were actually waiting for Harry and Draco to show up for a duel).
** And, apparently, some of the adults gossip about how close Remus Lupin and Sirius Black are.
* MisterExposition: Theodore Nott.
* MoralityPet: Harry is this for Lockhart.
* [[HumansAreBastards Muggles Are Bastards]] / [[HumansAreWarriors Muggles Are Warriors]]: According to Quirrell in his Muggle Studies class.
* MugglesDoItBetter: The first items that Harry buys for Hogwarts are ordinary school supplies (i.e. notebooks, pens, etc.) instead of the Wizarding worlds’ parchment and quills.
* NoPeriodsPeriod: Averted.
* ObfuscatingStupidity: Lockhart comes across as shallow and superficial, but is actually pretty intelligent and cunning, such as when:
** He out argues Dumbledore in the legality surrounding how Harry should have been raised.
** He’s made a successful career despite being a muggleborn and only being very good at one spell (memory modification) and decent at glamour spells.
** He was a Ravenclaw and therefore had to solve a riddle every time he wanted to enter his dorms and knows all about King Hedwig from off the top of his head.
** He is very good at deducing facts and thought of looking up the Dursley’s address in the phonebook; something that no other wizard in the series had thought to do.
* PolitenessJudo: How Harry deals with Zacharias Smith.
* RunningGag: Other characters wondering how Snape manages to make his robes whip around him dramatically when he enters.
** Blaise can't remember the name of his current stepfather. Taken UpToEleven in the last chapter when this conversation occurs:
--> Blaise: "Do any of you guys know a Peter? I got a letter this morning saying that he died so, if you do, sorry. Unless you didn't like him in which case, public sorry and private congratulations."
--> Tracy: "Peter was your stepfather."
--> Draco: "How much of our conversation were you listening to?"
--> Tracy: "I don't actually care about your conversation, Draco, I just sensed that Blaise was having trouble keeping track of his various stepfathers again."
--> Blaise: "Is it that time of year already?"
--> Pansy: "There is no way that your stepfathers meet you before the wedding."
--> Blaise: "They don't always meet me afterwards."

* ScrewTheRulesIHaveSupernaturalPowers: Lockhart; the powers being a very powerful memory charm.
** ScrewTheRulesImBeautiful
* TakeThat: To the {{Twilight}} series in chapter 25. We get a description of a book that sounds suspiciously like {{Twilight}} if a few details were swapped. Also, Hermione finds them sexist.
--> “... this is a romance series so the other part is just mushy and angsty drivel."
* ThatManIsDead: ”Far from being seen as the barely competent Muggleborn he had gone to Hogwarts as, people looked at him and saw a heroic and legendary celebrity with a killer smile and a mysterious past.”
* TheTalk: Lockhart had an interesting one with Harry:
--> "Now Harry, I know you might have urges and think that you know what you're doing but every child you have is a huge financial burden so make absolutely sure that you want them and don't just have them by accident. And remember that the wizarding public will judge you for everything you do and quite a bit that you won't do so please wait until you're married to reproduce and definitely wait until you're twenty. Remember, anything you do reflects on me as well."
* TheTeetotaler: Lockhart usually; he doesn’t like the taste and doesn’t want to give away the secret to his success or act like an idiot.
** INeedAFreakingDrink: In order to deal with Christmas with Sirius (and his hostility).
** IntoxicationEnsues: The problem with his not drinking is that Lockhart kind of sucks at it. And that led to [[MakesSenseInContext Snape getting his feet smashed with a bowling ball]].
* TheUnfettered: “… a complete and utter lack of regard for trifles like 'truth' and 'integrity', and memory charms were really the secret to all of Gilderoy's not inconsiderable success.”
* UnusuallyUninterestingSight: Draco [[spoiler: covered in blood and chicken feathers]]. The Slytherins continue their conversation when he enters and still don't mention it until he points it out.
* WhatMeasureIsANonHuman: No one is concerned over the fact that the troll at Hallowe'en was killed; they only worry about [[spoiler: Pansy because she reduced its [[OverKill head to pulp by smashing its club into it about a dozen times]]]].
** While under the 3rd floor corridor and Ron [[spoiler: kills the troll in the same way Pansy did]], he wonders if he’ll get into the newspaper too. Only Hermione points out that a troll is still a living creature.
* [[WhenAllYouHaveIsAHammer When All You Have Is A Memory Charm]]: And yet, it’s surprisingly effective; [[spoiler: it works on trolls and Dark Lords]].
* [[WhyDidItHaveToBeSnakes Why Did It Have To Be Birds?]]: Poor Hermione.
* WithAllDueRespect: “Professor, by the time that anyone knew that I had been facing the troll it was already dead and so it's perfectly reasonable for my father not to be too worried about something that didn't happen after the fact."
* WorldOfSnark
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