[[quoteright:256:http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/30Hs_2161.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:256:[[TestosteronePoisoning FUCK YEAH!]]]]

->''"Dobby relished his groinsaw's roar as he withdrew the flesh-choked blade from the astronaut's ruined skull."''
-->--'''The very first line'''

There are some {{Fan Fic}}s that you won't forget. This is one of them. It's a ''Franchise/HarryPotter'' fanfic, just like ''Fanfic/MyImmortal''. It's SoBadItsGood, just like ''My Immortal'', it has extreme CanonDefilement, just like ''My Immortal''. However, the two are different in one key detail: whereas ''My Immortal'' was ([[TrollFic ostensibly]]) written by a {{Wangst}}y 13 year old girl, this was ([[TrollFic ostensibly]]) written by an insane 13 year old boy; as one reviewer describes it, it is like "enter[ing] an amalgamation of the mindsets of Creator/DavidLynch and [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Chase Richard Chase]]." So, instead of goffic sorrow and vampires, we get groinsaws and demonic astronauts ''in the very first sentence''. Instead of various emo goff bands playing every night in the same wizard town for no apparent reason, we get Fuckslayer, a guitar from a dimension where all screamed for naught, wrought from the silver heart of heaven's false promise, laced with vessels that pulsed with angel's menstrual blood, hewn from the horns of Satan's generals. And yes, that is a direct quote.

What the hell are we talking about? Why, ''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2554200/1/HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Thirty Hs]]'' of course. "Thirty Hs" isn't actually the fanfic's name; like everyone's favorite EldritchAbomination, it's just shorter and easier to remember than its real name of ''HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'', and can be pronounced without first contracting bronchitis.

Has a [[CreepyAwesome wonderfully disturbing]] DramaticReading [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVFIxz4B6Js of the first five chapters]]. Also has an [[LargeHam incredibly hammy]] reading of [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2V4VxlsMuQ4 the first six chapters]], [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ap4pYT3chzQ the seventh]], [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O08ZEN51wBA the eighth]], and [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZGOVJTU2Pg the ninth]] by prolific dramatic reader, manwithoutabody. And another reading of [[http://pamachu-productions.blogspot.com/2011/06/bonus-episode-thirty-hs-harry-potter.html chapters one through seven]] was produced by {{@/Pamachu}}. In addition, Fanfic/JakeEnglishsMysteriousTheaterOfScientificRomanceFromTheYear3000 has done an MST, which you can see [[http://edrobot.blogspot.com/2012/07/jake-englishs-mysterious-theater-of_21.html here.]] This fic also has an [[{{FateStayNight}} Unlimited HHHHHHHHHH Works]] [[http://i.imgur.com/UKR7Jcg.jpg chant]].

Also, the guy who wrote it does stuff with puppets. [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCn0sCSf4oY It's about what you'd expect it to be]].
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!![=''Thirty Hs''=] provides examples of:

* ActionPrologue: Begins with Harry and Dobby, wearing "space armour" adorned with groinsaws and lightning-spitting skulls, fighting astronauts from hell. It only gets better from there.
* AerithAndBob: The names of the Inquisitors - Ignatius and Billy.
* AllJustADream: Chapter 9 is a daydream from Harry's imagination. It's almost ''normal'' compared to the madness of the real life events, though still quite bizarre.
* AnimateInanimateObject: There are many of them.
* ArtisticLicenseBiology: Best not to think too hard about how something like a rape ape can exist, unless you want to go stark raving mad.
* ArtisticLicensePhysics: No, there was never a license. It was the fart of a firefly turned into a ravenous beast, shredding all those in its path, as Harry reached from an atom and split it, killing the fuck out of the beast.
* BatmanCanBreatheInSpace: In the second chapter, Harry flies through space on a meteor, with no explanation as to how he can breathe. This may be the ''least'' ridiculous thing about the fic.
* BeepingComputers: In the laboratory of the strange old man and his toothpick weasel, there are computers that serve no purpose beyond soft hums and blinking lights.
* BehindAStick: Rape Radbury appears "from behind nothing much". Yet, he's ten feet tall...
* BlackComedyRape: The rape ape and [[UnfortunateNames Rape Radbury]]. The astronauts in the first chapter wind up getting raped by demonic spheres in hell.
* BlatantLies: This fic is tagged under Angst/Romance, and the characters as Bellatrix Lestrange and Seamus Finnigan.
* BlueAndOrangeMorality: None of what Harry or any other character in the fic does seem to follow a set of morals, if they even had some in the first place.
* [[ChainsawGood Groinsaw Good]]
* ClusterFBomb: "Fuck" appears more than any other word. Curiously, "fuck" in its literal sense is replaced by "[[UnusualEuphemism faggart]]".
* CorruptChurch
** Possibly the inquisitors.
** Wahooley gets ordained as a rabbi. He then gets sent to [[ArtMajorBiology trim the beards of 157 toads]]
* CouldntFindAPen - so Wahooley [[{{Squick}} tore off his penis]] ''just to use it as a pen''.
--->He used it to tear off his penis and write the 13 commandments of America upon a passing eagle, in cock's blood.
* CowTools: There are explicitly machines that have no purpose except for blinking lights and soft hums in the laboratory.
* CrackFic: And how!
* CrapsackWorld: The ecology of Surf Ninja Moon X is decimated to the point that the only food left is a cabbage [[spoiler:(which was actually cartilage)]] and mustard sandwich. Which is promptly eaten by Harry.
* CreepyCrossdresser: Harry wears women's underpants. So do the inquisitors. [[NonSequitur Because of this, they realize they're all men of the Lord]].
* DarkIsNotEvil: Neither Rape Radbury nor the EldritchAbomination posing as a scientist seem to be particularly awful people. Then again, anyone looks less awful when Harry is around.
* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment: A borderline example in the line "We are bound in this ligature of lingam, Brother Rape Ape." 'Ligature' and 'lingam' both mean 'symbol', although 'lingam' is often used to refer specifically to phallic symbols. It ''is'' the rape ape, after all.
* DisintegratorRay: Dobby's armor fires a beam of light at one of the astronauts, boiling his flesh in another dimension.
* {{Dissimile}}: "Harry slammed his book shut. It wasn't really a book, because the pages were made of lasers and the words were made of headless women making godless love to dragons made out of motorcycles, but it was still reading."
* {{Eagleland}}: Mentioned in the eighth chapter, now turned into some sort of phallus-based hellhole founded in blood. If you can understand what the five Presidents are doing, our hats are off to you, you patriotic (and insane) patriot.
* EarthShatteringKaboom: Harry "kills the fuck out of" two planets during the course of the story, and Dumblecop kicks another one in half.
* EverythingsBetterWithChocolate: The hat in Chapter 9 spends its life traversing the world beyond the dream it was born in, transforming multiple things into chocolate like the hands of a child, God's dick and the sun
* [[EverythingsBetterWithMonkeys Everything's Better With Rape Apes]]
* [[WickedWeasel Everything's Wicked With Weasels]]: The bald weasel with toothpicks for legs.
* EvilWeapon: Fuckslayer is a particularly unholy example; it's made out of angel menstrual blood, the horns of Satan and his generals, and ''heaven itself''. Harry stores it in a dimension where all screams for naught. [[EarthShatteringKaboom It can also destroy planets]].
* EyeScream: In the first chapter.
-->"How does Ronnie Ron taste, master?"\\
Harry spat out an eyeball. "Like some kid with eyes."
** Dobby's groinsaw is covered in retinas at this time.
* [[BestialityIsDepraved Faggarting a Sun is Depraved]]:
-->Is it a sin, should a man feel like faggarting a sun or a thousand? Why should the suns heave through the void, if not to be skewer't bypon ourn fagpoles?
* {{Fiction 500}}: Rape Radbury, who "has more money than anyone".
* FiveTokenBand: Parodied with a 5.8 Token Band which has "an array of genders and races that would leave no one unhappy, [[SubvertedTrope save for the Eskimos]]."
* FollowTheLeader: It's spawned a few imitators.
** The similarly hilarious/bizarre ''{{K-ON}}'' fic whose title consists of [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5512238/1/ seventeen Fs]].
** "[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6976756/1/PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP]]" is a slightly {{Bowdlerize}}d version set in the ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic'' universe. It directly references Thirty Hs several times, but is considerably longer and generally follows a different (but still royally fucked up) "plot", if you could call it that.
** "[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8828584/1/DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD]]" Is a ''WesternAnimation/GravityFalls'' fanfic about Dipper Pines going on wacky adventures. Slightly different, but still fucked up.
** Despite having a (slightly) less insane title, "[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/9506293/1/Final-Fantasy-Volleyball-Planet Final Fantasy: Volleyball Planet]]" is basically this for ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII''.
** [[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9731603/1/The-Wild-Vanguard The Wild Vanguard]] is this for ''VideoGame/WildArms5''.
** [[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10044350/1/SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS]], another adaptation set in the ''Franchise/SonicTheHedgehog'' franchise, starring Sonic as a sassy fat black woman and [[spoiler: [[CrossesTheLineTwice Muhammad the Great Nigger]]]].
** ''DarthWiki/ThirtyMoreHs'', which is an "unofficial sequel" for this.
* ForTheEvulz: [[MindScrew Apparently]] Harry's motivation, though he doesn't really seem to get a kick out of it. In fact, he seems more annoyed by the insanity than anything else, such as having him harassed by Rape Radbury, being bound by a Rape Ape and left alone as the children of all different nations and ethnicities (save the Eskimos) bind with the Rape Ape to spread amongst the stars, and being harassed by a weasel with toothpicks for legs.
* GagPenis: The Rape Ape's body is apparently made up entirely of these.
* GroinAttack: The [[ChainsawGood groinsaw]] probably counts as a bizarre inversion.
** President Wahooey tore off his penis and wrote an America with it.
* [[{{Hellfire}} Holy Fuckfire]]: Harry can [[WreathedInFlames encase his fists as well as meteors in it]], in order to better kill the fuck out of things.
* HighlyVisibleNinja: "The silent killers of the night had negated their innate advantage by only plying their craft on surf boards. [[TooDumbToLive During the day]]."
* HumanoidAbomination:
** The scientist of the diapers, [[GlamourFailure though he fails at being a convincing humanoid]].
** Possibly Harry and Dumblecop of the Darkmeal as well.
* ICallItVera: Fuckslayer, Harry's unholy guitar.
* IHaveManyNames: Dumbledore's name is different every time.
-->"I am no longer Scrumblegort." The ancient man dropped some of the planets he was juggling. "The worlds have shifted. I am Dumblecop, of the Darkmeal."
* ImAHumanitarian: Harry is implied to have eaten Ron... although he spits out [[EyesAreUnbreakable the eyes]].
* ImpossiblyCoolWeapon: Harry's guitar, Fuckslayer, hewn from the horns of Satan's Generals, and powered by angels' menstrual blood that boils as it plays. It summons planet-killing asteroids.
* IncendiaryExponent: Holy fuckfire. For when you absitively, posolutely have to kill the fuck out of everything. Accept no substitutes.
* InherentlyFunnyWords: Groinsaws, fuckfire, rape ape, chumpits.
* InMediasRes: It starts with a battle between Harry, Dobby and demonic astronauts, which, like everything else, has nothing to do with anything and is never explained.
* InNameOnly: Literally, the only similarities with ''Harry Potter'' are the names of Harrry, Dobby, Ron and Dumbledore (only the first time). There' s ''one'' mention of Hogwarts getting destroyed by Harry.
** Increasingly more in the eighth chapter, where Harry isn't even mentioned and the only link to ''Harry Potter'' is a single mention of "Severus Snapplebottom". The ninth chapter at least mentions him, but only once to say he's daydreaming the events of his section.
* InsaneTrollLogic
** Take the following sentence:
--->'''Harry''': Gumbledorp, if you don't stop, we'll starve, and no one will be around to kill everyone in the universe if we get around to bringing everyone back to life after we killed them.
** All the Presidents of the LAND OF AMERICA, one of whom scratches out a list of COMMANDMENTS OF AMERICA from cock's blood. Don't ask about it making sense, just obey.
* [[InstantAwesomeJustAddNinja Instant Awesome Just Add Surf Ninja]]
* KillEmAll: Harry's objective. Notable in that he has done so several times, intentionally or otherwise. The hat in chapter 9 manages to accomplish this after it turns the sun into a giant ball of chocolate and extinguish all life on Earth.
-->'''Harry''': Gumbledorp, if you don't stop, we'll starve, and no one will be around to kill everyone in the universe if we get around to bringing everyone back to life after we killed them.
* KilledOffForReal: Harry has [[OmnicidalManiac killed everyone in the Universe several times]], yet Dobby has yet to reappear since Harry chopped his head off.
* KnightTemplar: Harry is tortured by some [[Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus highly unexpected]] inquisitors, until they all realize they're men of the Lord.
* LastOfHisKind: A rape ape. No, THE rape ape. The last of his kind after the subjugation of the rapeforest.
* LawyerFriendlyCameo: "[[RayBradbury Rape Radbury]]", who writes critically acclaimed fiction that always turns into fact and has more money than anyone.
* LegCannon: Dumblecop's leg is made of pistols. However, he doesn't shoot with it, preferring to kick planets in half.
* LighterAndSofter: Chapter 9, while still utterly bizzare and filled with violent sexual imagery, has a much more cheery style and is almost entirely about Rainbows and Chocolate. It helps that Harry isn't present for most of this.
* LowerDeckEpisode: Harry takes a break from Fuckslaying to let the Presidents take prominence in chapter eight.
* MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext: Nothing that happens in this fic makes any sense at all.
* TheMenInBlack: The old man in the seventh chapter could be interpreted as this, seeing as he's in a laboratory and he has the apparent power to control Harry. He also seems scientific and addresses Harry as "a son". There's also quite a bit of EldritchAbomination thrown into the mix, seeing as he can ''remove his own head''.
* MindScrew: Don't try to make sense of whatever plot it has, just relish in it.
* NewPowersAsThePlotDemands: Harry. Then again he might have had them since whenever he became a demonic spawn PhysicalGod.
* NinetiesAntiHero: Harry is a [[ParodySue hilariously over-the-top example]].
* NinjaPirateZombieRobot: Many and varied. Vampire Cavemen on Mars stands out as something you've likely never heard before.
* NoCelebritiesWereHarmed: [[RayBradbury Rape Radbury]].
* NonIndicativeName
** The Rape Ape never actually rapes anyone, and neither does Rape Radbury.
** The Moonbase is specifically ''not'' on the moon.
* OmnicidalManiac: After killing everybody in the universe, Harry admonishes Dumbledore to conserve food, otherwise they'll starve, and no one will be around to revive them ''just to kill them again''.
* OurVampiresAreDifferent: In the second chapter, we get astral vampires which are able to bite even when only their head remains, causing vampire cavemen on Mars when Harry throws the heads back into time to Mars, where, er, they bite cavemen.
* ParodySue: Harry, who is also a GodModeSue ''and'' a VillainSue.
* PhysicalGod:
** Harry, to the point that he can do absolutely anything the writer needs him to do in order to have epic descriptions of [[MindScrew whatever the hell is going on]] in the story. He can see sub-atomic particles by squinting, and somehow killed the fuck out of Mercury (not the god, the actual planet), and then killed the fuck out of Venus with ''Mercury's carcass''.
** There's also Dumblecop of the Darkmeal, who kicks a planet in half, for no apparent reason, just because he can. With a leg, made out of pistols.
* PowerMetal: Used in manwithoutabody's DramaticReading.
* ThePowerOfRock: Fuckslayer.
-->'''Dumbledore''': Harry, you must rock the fuck out.
* PresidentEvil
** Possibly the President of Pangea, who hangs out with omnicidal god Dumbledorp.
** Possibly the five Presidents.
* PurpleProse: The fic may read like the ramblings of a TalkativeLoon, but at least he's an ''eloquent'' one.
* RandomEventsPlot: That's putting it lightly.
* RatedMForManly: Fuck yes.
* RuleOfCool: There is absolutely zero logical plot progression, however, there are legs made out of pistols, ''vampire caveman on Mars'' and a cursed book with '''pages MADE OUT OF LASERS and words made out of dragons, made out of motorcycles, making godless love to headless women'''.
* SatiatingSandwich: [[SubvertedTrope Subverted]] -- Harry does not like the "cabbagewich", which might explain why it was the last piece of food on the planet of Surf Ninjas.
* ScaryImpracticalArmor: Dobby's "elfin space armor" has skulls on the shoulders and a groinsaw.
* SerialEscalation: It's THAT over-the-top and tops itself many times throughout the chapters.
* SetRightWhatOnceWentWrong: [[InvertedTrope Inverted]].
--> Harry then did fly his meteor through space, [Music/DragonForce starts playing] punching astral vampires in half with his fists encased in fuckfire and throwing their ruined heads into the past where they bit cavemen on mars so that history changed and now there are [[NinjaPirateZombieRobot vampire cavemen on mars]].
* [[ShapedLikeItself Shaped Unlike Itself]]: Dumbledore calls Harry from his Moonbase which isn't on a moon.
* ShoulderCannon: Dobby has a skull on his space armor's shoulders capable of shooting bolts of light out of its eyes.
* ShoutOut:
** Harry steals the last sandwich from a [[PlanetOfHats planet of]] ''SurfNinjas''.
** The 5.8 children with the Rape Ape might be a reference to the 0.58 child from ''ThePhantomTollbooth''.
** The seventh chapter may have been influenced by ''{{Pokemon}}'', in a deranged sort of way.
** The first four chapters follow something resembling a logical narrative, albeit a completely deranged one. The fifth chapter, however, begins with a group of inquisitors torturing Harry, apropos of absolutely nothing at all, and ends on a similar NonSequitur. One might say that [[Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus no-one expected it]].
* SinisterGeometry: Demonic spheres, who rape you, [[TermsOfEndangerment boys and girls]].
* SirNotAppearingInThisTrailer: [[InvertedTrope Inverted]]. The fic is listed under the characters "[[CrackPairing Bellatrix L. & Seamus F.]]", neither of whom are even mentioned in the actual story.
* SophisticatedAsHell: The natural intersection of ludicrously PurpleProse and a ClusterFBomb. [[TrollFic Definitely intentional]].
-->'''Dumblecop''': Is it a sin, should a man feel like [[UnusualEuphemism faggarting]] a sun or a thousand? Why should the suns heave through the void, if not to be [[YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe skewer't bypon ourn]] [[UnusualEuphemism fagpoles]]?
* SpaceBase: [[RunningGag Fumbledorp]] has a moon base, but it's ''[[LogicBomb not on a moon]]''. Considering everything else that happens it wouldn't be surprising if he built himself a [[ThatsNoMoon Death Star]].
* SpotOfTea: [[RunningGag Chumblebort]] offers Harry tea and "chumpits." Harry declines, as he hates chumpits.
* SuperSexOrgans:
** Dobby's groinsaw. The title card to the manwithoutabody version (used as the article image on this page) also gives Harry one.
** The fifth president's form of an infinite grid of squares with vaginas on every one of them.
* SurrealHorror: The seventh chapter involves warped turtles, bald ferrets with toothpicks for legs, a glass of thumb-water, and the head of an EldritchAbomination on a spike.
* TestosteronePoisoning
* [[ThrowingYourSwordAlwaysWorks Launching Your Groinsaw From Your Crotch Always Works]]
* TomatoSurprise: The cabbage and mustard sandwich Harry finds turns out to be cartilage and mustard halfway into the chapter.
* TooDumbToLive: The Surf Ninjas of Surf Ninja Moon X, who ate everything in their planet and left one crappy sandwich.
* TookALevelInBadass: Harry, [[OverlyLongGag Scrumblecorn]], Dobby.
* TrailersAlwaysLie: Similar to the above mentioned pairing between characters who never appear in the fic, the fic is categorized as "Angst/Romance". The summary, on the other hand, is a fairly honest representation of ''a few'' of the events in this fic, which is otherwise virtually impossible to summarize.
* TrollFic: If it's not, the author is probably in a mental institution. Surprisingly for this sort of thing, the author uses proper punctuation, spelling, and grammar. It's somehow better simply ''because'' readers don't have to wade through hundreds of misspellings and misplaced commas everywhere.
* UnfortunateNames: ''Rape'' Radbury.
* UnusualWeaponMounting: Dobby's Groinsaw.
* VillainProtagonist: Harry -- so [[VillainSue evil]] he distorts reality. The closest one gets to a proper antagonist is the rape ape, who apparently shackled Harry, and the "scientist" in the seventh chapter, who has apparently imprisoned him in a foul-smelling pit within his nose.
* WhatHappenedToTheMouse: Dumbledore completely disappears from the story after Chapter 3.
* WordSaladPhilosophy: The 13 commandments that make up the American cockstitution.
* WorldOfBadass: Most of the characters featured appear to have the powers of either {{Eldritch Abomination}}s or {{Physical God}}s.
* YeOldeButcheredeEnglishe: Dumblecop, but only for one instance. See SophisticatedAsHell.
* YouAreNumberSix: The 5.8 children are treated as such.
* [[YourHeadASplode Your Vagina A Splode]]: Harry makes "Every vagina in the galaxy explode" after killing the fuck out of Venus, and inside every vagina a booby sang of mortal life's fleeting precipice.

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