-> ''"Suffer the little children to come unto me..."''


''Somewhere else, the happy ending was different.''

''[[http://www.populli.net/thewritegirls/afrai/s0.html The Sacred and the Profane]]'' by Afrai is a retelling of ''Literature/GoodOmens'' {{canon}} with Aziraphale as the one who fell instead of Crowley. Don't worry, they're still instantly recognizable to anyone who's read the original book: Zirah is still a [[AffablyEvil kindly]], [[StepfordSmiler smiling]] [[CuteAndPsycho bookseller]], and Caphriel is still a sunglasses-wearing DeadpanSnarker [[TheFettered dedicated to his job]]. They've just been translated through a [[{{Deconstruction}} dented mirror]]. The plot, while rather condensed, is largely faithful to the events of the book, but with a [[DarkFic couple of necessary tweaks]] to match [[CuteAndPsycho Zirah]] and [[KnightInSourArmor Caphriel]]'s characters.

Maybe you ''should'' worry. And keep a box of tissues by your side while reading.

It's still an excellent read for those who want to see the original canon in a whole different light.

Warning: Spoilers ahead!

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!!This fanfic contains examples of:

* AffablyEvil: Zirah is a genuinely friendly and well-mannered individual who just so happens to have no problem with killing babies. This does ''not'' detract from his creepiness, at ''all''. If anything, it makes him creepier.
* AlternateUniverseFic: Set in a world where Aziraphale fell instead of Crowley -- and the results are ''not'' pretty.
* AlwaysSomeoneBetter: As demons, Hastur and Ligur think they're pretty scary and pretty good at their jobs. Zirah blows them out of the water in terms of scariness and sheer evilness.
* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking: "... Caphriel had a bizarre tendency to get upset over the slightest things, like murder and rape and duck torture."
* AxeCrazy: Zirah, who'd murder a newborn for no reason other than it's easier than calming the child down, all with the sweetest, most paternal smile on his face.
%%* BadassLongcoat: Caphriel
* BarredFromTheAfterlife: Zirah was on Earth because Hell didn't ''want'' him there; [[TooSpicyForYogSothoth they're all scared of him]].
* BilingualBonus: Caphriel means "God is my redemption."
* BittersweetEnding: Heavy emphasis on the "bitter." [[spoiler:Armageddon is prevented and Caphriel intervenes before Zirah can murder Adam, and Anathema, Newt, Caphriel and the Them all survive. Zirah, three of the Four Horsemen (you can't kill Death, for obvious reasons), and the spare baby from eleven years prior aren't so lucky. Oh, and Caphriel killed Zirah for the good of the world.]] On the upside, though, [[spoiler:the epilogue implies that there's hope for Zirah yet, especially now that he's Aziraphale again.]]
* ColdBloodedTorture: [[spoiler: Zirah is implied to have done this to Hastur. The narration and Zirah call it "Being Sensible About Things", but considering Hastur, a ''demon'' who has probably tortured his own share of souls, is left a broken, sobbing mess...]]
* DarkFic: If you ever wondered why the "Good Omens" fandom doesn't do many fics of demon!Aziraphale and angel!Crowley... this fic is why. It's ''seriously'' depressing, and has almost no humor to take the edge off.
* DeadpanSnarker: Caphriel. Being sarcastic is his main means of survival.
* {{Deconstruction}}: Of "what if Aziraphale was the one to fall" fics in general. Aziraphale/Zirah doesn't fit ''quite'' as well into the demon role as Crowley did, nor is he nearly as harmless, and Crowley/Caphriel is quite depressed as an angel.
* {{Determinator}}: Caphriel can't ''afford'' to give up.
* DisappointedInYou: Zirah says this to Adam, [[spoiler:right before trying to kill him.]]
* DissonantSerenity: Zirah is ridiculously calm and cheerful, no matter what horrific thing he does. Unlike Crowley from the original, he doesn't even understand ''why'' someone would be upset with him for murdering somebody.
* DontFearTheReaper: Death isn't exactly cuddly and friendly, but [[spoiler:he's still understanding and cordial to Zirah at the end, in spite of everything.]]
%%* EpiphanyTherapy: [[spoiler: [[TomatoInTheMirror "I'm a]] [[HeelRealisation demon]]."]]
* EstablishingCharacterMoment: The first things Zirah does in the story after falling are, in order: serve Hastur and Ligur tea and make small talk with them, coo over how cute the baby Antichrist is, and then attempt to murder said baby when he won't stop crying. He does the third while barely changing expression.
* EvenEvilHasStandards: Even the other demons are terrified of Zirah, what with him still looking like an angel and acting like it when he's not doing evil... but then doing monstrous things better (or rather worse) than other demons with disturbing ease while not even changing his jovial grandfatherly behavior. He's stationed on Earth full-time for a reason.
* EyesNeverLie: Both Zirah and Caphriel have this.
** WhatBeautifulEyes: Caphriel's eyes are kind and make humans instantly trust him...
** GoodEyesEvilEyes: ...while Zirah's make humans scream in terror. Zirah doesn't seem to see it's just ''his'' eyes, though. [[NightmareFuel He looks into dying humans' eyes to let them catch a glimpse of what's to come]].
* TheFettered: Caphriel has limits to what he's willing to do for the greater good. Zirah does not.
* ForWantOfANail: Had Aziraphale/Zirah not had the wrong thought at the wrong moment, none of this would've happened. ''Yikes''.
* FriendlyEnemy: Of course, but in a much more painful, conflicted way than in the original. (They're sleeping together in this version, which doesn't help.)
* GoMadFromTheRevelation: Not that he was ever a pinnacle of sanity in the first place, mind you... [[spoiler:Zirah doesn't realize he's a demon, having somehow convinced himself he never fell. When he finally is forced to accept it, he... doesn't take it well.]]
%%* HannibalLecture
* HeelRealisation: [[spoiler: When Zirah ''finally'' realizes he's a demon. The straw that didn't just break the camel's back, but Zirah's sanity.]]
* HeroWithBadPublicity: Caphriel is a nice guy, he's just also very morbid and creepy, which doesn't endear him to people.
* HorrifyingTheHorror: The reason why Zirah is up on Earth? The ''entirety'' of Hell was so unnerved by [[DissonantSerenity how he still looked and acted like an angel, and then would casually maim and torture those unfortunate to rub him the wrong way]].
%%* InsultBackfire
* KnightInSourArmor: Caphriel's terribly cynical, but he wants to protect humanity. And Zirah.
* LoveMartyr: Caphriel goes through a lot of shit for Zirah's sake.
* MadLove: Caphriel and Zirah do ''not'' have a healthy relationship.
* MeaningfulName: As noted above, "Caphriel" means "God is my redemption". [[spoiler: The one thing that Zirah has been looking for all along.]]
* MirrorUniverse: Instead of Crowley the demon and Aziraphale the angel, our main characters are Caphriel the angel and Zirah the demon.
* MistakenForPedophile: Caphriel wears sunglasses and a long black coat and just wants to help people. This doesn't leave the best impression on humans.
* MurderIsTheBestSolution: Zirah's go-to solution to almost everything is "kill them."
* NoGoodDeedGoesUnpunished: Caphriel gets slapped for trying to help a crying child.
* NoodleIncident: "When had he got the stick, anyway? In the fourteenth century, hadn't it been -- he'd been given it by a carpenter he'd helped in a small matter involving a priest, three goats, and a rosebush."
* NothingIsScarier: [[spoiler: What happened to Ligur when he stopped for a split second, which was all the time Zirah needed to catch him. Hastur, who has seen his fair share of depravity, being a resident of Hell, can't bring himself to describe it, just stating "''after''".]]
%%* TheNothingAfterDeath
* OriginalFlavor: It's written in a very similar style to the original novel -- which, if anything, makes a lot of the events more disturbing.
* OnlySaneMan: Caphriel is the only character with his head screwed on right at all times.
%%* PerfectPoison: [[spoiler: "Drink your tea, dear."]]
* PsychoSupporter: Zirah will support Caphriel's cause to prevent Armageddon, no matter how many people he feels he needs to kill to do it.
* RoleSwapAU: In this fic, Crowley is an Angel and Aziraphale is a demon instead of the other way around.
* ShootTheDog: [[spoiler: Caphriel's killing of Zirah. Terrible as Caphriel felt afterwards, it really had to be done.]]
* SlashFic: No HomoeroticSubtext here. It's just text.
* SociopathicHero: Zirah has no morals whatsoever, but he's a protagonist.
* SoftSpokenSadist: Zirah never raises his voice, no matter ''what'' horrible thing he's doing. Though he'd probably take offense if you called him a sadist.
* SlidingScaleOfIdealismVersusCynicism: ''Very'' cynical when compared to the original.
* StepfordSmiler: Zirah is incredibly cheerful and friendly, which hides the AxCrazy interior. [[spoiler: It's mostly to convince himself that he never fell.]]
* TheStoic: Caphriel isn't too keen on outwardly showing emotion, though inside, he's ''quite'' emotional. [[NotSoStoic The facade finally breaks]] when [[spoiler:he kills Zirah]].
* TimeAbyss: This is why Caphriel wears CoolShades in this universe, his eyes are older than his face and reflect the suffering of millennia.
* TooBrokenToBreak: Played for horror and tragedy with Zirah. There's really nothing the other characters can threaten him with, because over the course of his millennia-long existence, the worst has already happened. He's been kicked out of Heaven, gone insane, committed countless evils, and lost all empathy for everyone. [[spoiler:He's ultimately undone by the one person he genuinely cares for, and who still cares for him: Caphriel, who is able to get the drop on him and douse him with holy water.]]
* ToxicFriendInfluence: Zirah isn't the best influence on Caphriel.
* TraumaCongaLine: The whole fic is a long stretch of Caphriel going through every horror imaginable.
* TruthInTelevision: Caphriel's reasoning behind wearing his sunglasses all the time is terribly similar to that of mild agoraphobes or people with social anxiety.
--> ''He felt a little better with their comforting weight on the bridge of his nose. They were a sort of protection against the world.''
** Making his self diagnosis with [[spoiler:clinical (suicidal) depression]] all the more awful.
* TheUnfettered: Zirah. [[spoiler: There's nothing you can do to him that would be worse than what has already happened and there's no MoralEventHorizon he won't cross.]]
* VillainousBreakdown: Zirah loses what little sanity he has when [[spoiler:he realizes he's a demon]].
* VillainProtagonist: Zirah's a complete psychopath with a murderous streak, but he's still in the spotlight.
* WhamLine: It's not clear just ''how'' insane and broken Zirah truly is until you get to the line, [[spoiler:"I'm a demon."]]
* WellIntentionedExtremist: Zirah. He wants to stop Armageddon. Killing God knows how many people, including children, will help him do that.
* WeWillMeetAgain: Death promises Zirah that they'll cross paths again. [[spoiler:They do.]]
%%* WhoWantsToLiveForever
* {{Yandere}}: Zirah truly loves Caphriel, and would kill for him. Or in spite of him.
* YoureInsane: Zirah and Caphriel both accuse the other of being insane at least once. Caphriel's entirely correct.

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