[[quoteright:245:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/RSThumb_1317.png]]
[[caption-width-right:245:Rebecca Swansin and her [[GirlWithPsychoWeapon Anti-Rape Katana.]] ]]

->''"But it hd no efect becuz outsied the gunfite wuz stil going on and insied we were so no sound bullits becuz gun cant sownd"''

''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5805861/1/kronicals_of_rebecca_swansin The Kronicals of Rebecca Swansin]]'' is a ''[[Literature/TheTwilightSaga Twilight]]'' [[FanFic badfic]] by [[http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2278620/TwilightRova TwilightRova]]. It and its sequel, of which only the first chapter has been posted, has been largely ignored since their creation in 2010. However, ever since [[http://tsdcv3.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=twilightfics&action=display&thread=4895&page=1 Serkadios started snarking it]], the fic has gained a following in the Twilight Sucks snarking community (who are rather famous for creating numerous headcanons of badfics, even going so far as to create an [[FanFic/BrewdeningLoveExpandedUniverse expanded universe]] for [[FanFic/BrewdeningLove a certain fanfic]]).


The fic is divided up into three story arcs so far.
* Arc I (Chapters 1 - 11) introduces the character of Rebeeca Swansin (whose friends call her Moon), [[OriginalCharacter Bella Swan's cousin]], who recently moved in with Bella and her dad in Forks. Rebecca is an [[RougeAnglesOfSatin "enviyournmentalist"]] who... Doesn't really do all that much besides [[AdaptationalVillainy hate on Bella]] and talk to [[SpellMyNameWithAnS Edowird]]. The other characters, however...
* Arc II (Chapters 12 - 22) picks up dealing with the next week of life at [[SpellMyNameWithAnS Fourks]] High following [[spoiler: Rebecca's murder of her uncle, Charlie.]] The school is invaded by riot police and quarantined for unknown reasons. Meanwhile, the once-human [[KickTheDog Angela tries to claim Bella's life]].
* Arc III (Chapters 23 and on) is so far dealing with the [[SpellMyNameWithAnS Volture]] coming to [[SpellMyNameWithAnS Fourks]]. The likes of Alec, Jane and [[OriginalCharacter Original Character]] [[OriginalCharacter Claritee Etude Simphonia]] have joined Rebecca's ever-growing posse.

Honestly, this fic is [[SoBadItsGood a lot better than you'd think]], if you're looking for trollfic lulz. It also provides quite a few opportunities for fun headcanons.

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!!Tropes:
* ActionGirl:
** Alice as of chapter 4.
** Rosalie in chapter 14
** [[spoiler:Angela]] is built up to be this.
%%* AllMenArePerverts: Rebecca's attitude, judging by the locker room incident.
* AlphaBitch: Rebecca.
* AttentionWhore: Rebecca. At one point, she literally started to cry to get Edward's attention, just because she felt that she wasn't being noticed enough.
* AuthorFilibuster: [=TwilightRova=] goes into these from time to time, covering topics such as Yaoi, pre-marital sex, and transexuality.
* AxCrazy: Rebecca, definitely on the line after the MoralEventHorizon below.
* BackToBackBadasses: Rebecca and Tanishashanqua in Arc III's fight against Angela.
* BerserkButton: Rebecca has so many of these that it's hard to count. Simply the thought of losing Edward sends her into a manic state of frenzy.
* BigBad: It seems that the series has finally decided on [[spoiler:Angela]] being this.
* BigDamnHeroes: Tanishashanqua and Alice in chapter 16, in the most awesome way possible.
-->'''Tanishashanqua:''' yo homie wats up" tanishashanqua sed.\\
''IT WAS ALICIA AND TANISHASHANKWA DEY WEER HEER TO RESCU ME!''
* BigHeroicRun: It's implied that Rebecca does one of these as she runs from the clearing back to Forks High.
* BreakingTheFourthWall: There was one memorable instance of this by Rebecca.
-->''if it wuznt in publki an edoweird wuznt hear i wuld hav statred 2 mastorbeet fuoriusly. but i cant do dat cuz im a gurl so wtf u tinking reador.''
* BreakTheCutie: Bella Swan. [[RapeAsDrama Raped]], mistreated by her cousin, her best human friend in canon turned into a vampire, who then [[DroppedABridgeOnHim killed all her other friends]] (except, oddly enough, for Mike), shot, and gets her truck vandalized repeatedly by Rebecca, [[spoiler: who then brutally murders her father and forces her to live in a shed, where she's forced into prostitution in the sequel.]]
* ButtMonkey: Bella, of so much. See BreakTheCutie above.
* ChaseFight: The vast majority of chapter 28's action occurs via one of these.
* ClusterFBomb: Rebecca is '''very''' fond of these.
-->''"WHA TDA FIUCK R U FUICKORZ LOOKING AT U MOTHAFUCKIERS!?!?!?!" i asdek.
* CurbStompBattle:
** Rebecca's fight against the third Vampire she encounters in chapter 7; she kills him by throwing a ROCK at his head.
** Rebecca vs. [[spoiler:Charlie.]] Poor, poor [[spoiler:Charlie.]]
* DarkActionGirl: Rebecca, especially after she [[spoiler:kills Charlie.]]
* DisproportionateRetribution: Rebecca, on so many occaisions. Refer to the [[ProtagonistCenteredMorality Protagonist Centered Morality]] entry below.
* EveryoneIsArmed: Every. Single. Person.
* GirlWithPsychoWeapon: Rebecca and her "anti-rape knife".
* GroinAttack: Rebecca's use of an "anti-rape knife" might or might not have resulted in this.
* GunsAkimbo: Rosalie becomes this in chapter 14 when she [[spoiler: starts a firefight in the school against a few cops and begins to take on legions of SWAT team members as the school gets invaded.]]
* GunFu: It feels like absolutely every single character in this story is trained in professional firearm usage. Perhaps even more ludicrous is just how every single character has a gun on them at all times, even if it makes no sense for them to have one. In her first appearance, even Clarity Etude Simphonia takes out a gun, despite her having vampire powers that would eliminate any need for keeping a gun on hand for self-protection.
* HookerWithAHeartOfGold: [[spoiler:Bella]] after she's forced into prostitution.
* HormoneAddledTeenager: Rebecca fits the bill for this. Since the entire story is told from her perspective, we're left without knowledge of if the others actually are like her at all.
* InformedJudaism: Rebecca. Possibly.
* InnocentBystander: Mike Newton, Bella's only human friend to survive Angela's attacks, is gunned down by [[spoiler: Alice]] in chapter 3
* ImprobableAimingSkills: Almost any deliberate shot that a character makes results in a hit. Rebecca in chapter 7 kills a vampire from across a clearing with nothing but a '''rock'''.
* KatanasAreJustBetter:
** [[spoiler:Vampire!]]Angela certainly seems to think so.
** After chapter 16, Rebecca begins to use one in combat as well.
* KarmaHoudini: Rebecca, considering all she's done throughout the series [[spoiler:and especially for what she does to Charlie.]]
* MacGuffin: The "vyle" which Rebecca must take to the Principal's office towards the end of chapter 19.
* MadeOfIron:
** Bella can be shot fourteen times in a row, survive it, and be out of the hospital in a matter of hours.
** Maybe not as strong of an example, but in the final showdown, [[spoiler:Rebecca takes seven shots to her arm while fighting Charlie and doesn't even flinch.]] She never mentions going to the hospital afterwards either, implying that she just walked around for the rest of the day with those injuries without ever getting them checked.
* OhMyGods:
-->'''Rebecca:''' Juda fuocking dammit\\
'''Tanishashanqua:''' god (judah) gurl what is it
* OriginalCharacter: We actually have quite a few.
** The star of the series, Rebecca, is Bella Swan's Cousin.
** Then there's Mr. Chocolove and his daughter, the ever-popular Tanishashanqua.
** In Arc III we're introduced to Clarity Etude Simphonia, who's only characterization is that she's Rebecca's old friend.
* OutOfCharacter: Oddly averted with Edward and Jacob, as an argument can be made that they retain their devotion from the original series. However, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Angela, and Charlie are all massively out of character.
* ProductPlacement: Oddly enough, Pop Tarts.
* ProtagonistCenteredMorality: For instance, Rebecca [[StalkingIsLove follows a hot guy]] in the boys' locker room, accuses him of being a pervert for "flashing her" -- while he had actually not even noticed her -- and uses her anti-rape knife against him, then when a whole bunch of guys get out of the shower to see what the commotion is about, she accuses them of attempting to rape her.
* PurpleProse: We have several examples, but this one from chapter 10 fits the bill the most:
-->''...as i sed it my raben hare wuz floing in da wind and da streekz were swahing in frunt of my faece an den a singol teer drop fel frum my eyes 2 sigify my gowing saddnes...''
* [[RapeAsBackstory Rape Is The New Dead Parents]]: Not actually used on Rebecca herself, but she does accuse others of trying to (see above) and carries an anti-rape knife. Bella is the one who is actually raped, and is treated poorly after this. Rebecca even implies her cousin "became a bitch" after her rape.
* RougeAnglesOfSatin: '' '''YES.''' '' As expected of a ''Fanfic/MyImmortal'' copycat. Notably, "Biology Class" is almost always spelled with some sort of "lol" in the middle, leading to a RunningGag of the class being taught with WebOriginal/LOLCats.
* StepfordSmiler: Rebecca implies that [[spoiler:Esme]] is a Type C.
* StraightGay: As of chapter 19, [[spoiler: Emmet]].
* SpotlightStealingSquad: Rebecca comes across as this. The backstory is actually [[SoBadItsGood incredibly entertaining]], but you have to wade through so much of Rebecca's whining to get to it.
* ThongOfShielding: Angela wears one of these in chapter 16.
* WalkingShirtlessScene: [[SpellMyNameWithAnS Samiel]] and Jacob are prime examples of this.
* WhatTheHellHero: Rebecca receives one in Chapter 15 from [[spoiler:Bella]], who almost convinces Edward to stop Rebecca's tyranny.
* WhyDontYouJustShootHim: Subverted in chapter 21, wherein Rebecca [[spoiler:shoots the principal of her school with shotgun]] before he even has a chance to attack them.
* WolverineClaws: Hilariously, Jasper/Jasmine [[spoiler:and Edward]] apparently have the ability to use these.
* WomanScorned: Rebecca becomes this at the drop of a hat.
* YaoiFangirl: Why Rosalie didn't mind [[spoiler: Emmet's]] relationship with Seth.
* YeOldeButcheredEnglish: After a few chapters, Edward starts talking like this.

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