''[[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8921782/1/The-Calvin-Hobbes-and-Paine-Show The Calvin, Hobbes, and Paine Show]]'' is a ''ComicStrip/CalvinAndHobbes'' fanfic, written by [=CalvinValjean=] in early 2013.

In an alternate universe of sorts where ''Calvin and Hobbes'' was a television show, what would happen if it didn't stop when Bill Watterson left? The answer: a drastic {{Retool}} into a VarietyShow, with many changes occuring, including the addition of Calvin's baby sister [[CousinOliver Paine]] and an abundance of {{Special Guest}}s. Despite the SeasonalRot, the show (now ''The Calvin, Hobbes, and Paige Show'') still continues on to this day on popularity alone.

The story itself focuses on Calvin, now a bitter actor who regularly smokes weed between skits and believes that Watterson leaving was the point where the show [[JumpingTheShark jumped the shark]]. Now, however, he finds himself wondering wherever Watterson went to, and he'll soon find an answer.

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!!This fanfic provides examples of:
* ExcitedShowTitle: ''Still Building Character!'', Dad's (fake) autobiography.
* HatesTheJobLovesTheLimelight: Calvin.
* JumpingTheShark: InUniverse, Calvin thinks this of the show.
* {{Metafiction}}
* PostModernism: The fic is ''drenched'' in it.
* SeasonalRot: InUniverse, Calvin specifically remarks that it was just too popular to ever get cancelled no matter how mediocre it got ([[TakeThat like]] ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'').
* ShowWithinAShow: The main plot centers around the titular show.
* SlidingScaleOfIdealismVersusCynicism: Very far on the cynical end of the scale.
* WhamLine: The message on Calvin's answering machine.
--> "Hi, Calvin. [[spoiler:This is Bill Watterson-]]"
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!!The ShowWithinAShow provides examples of:
* AccidentalMisnaming: Rosalyn confuses ''Series/MySoCalledLife'' with ''Series/TheFactsOfLife'' at one point, while conversing with the former's star.
* TheArtifact: Principal Spittle, after Miss Wormwood left the show, became this after all classroom stories were discontinued.
* BigNo: Calvin does one after his mother mentions a babysitter.
* CelebrityStar: A Christmas-themed story shoehorned Music/TomJones into its plot. Calvin wasn't fond of it at all.
* {{Cliffhanger}}: "Adventures in Babysitting Part II" ends with the revelation that Calvin and Paige never made it home.
* ContinuityNod: The episode shown to the audience references a prior one.
* CousinOliver: Paine.
* ExecutiveMeddling: This is what forced the show to do a parody of ''Film/TheBlairWitchProject'' around the time it was popular.
* FunWithAcronyms: Since Paine became the first female G.R.O.S.S. member, the club's name was changed to "'''G'''et '''R'''id '''o'''f '''S'''usie derkin'''S'''".
* TheHost: Calvin himself.
* HostileShowTakeover: Out of universe, David Arquette (guest host of an 1998 episode, around the time ''Franchise/{{Scream}}'' was popular) tried to do this and accuse Calvin of being the murderer of Gianna Versaci. It didn't pan out, thankfully.
* LaughTrack: Calvin can't tell if this is the case, or the audience is actually laughing.
* LongRunners
* MiseryBuildsCharacter: The notes reveal that this had become Dad's CatchPhrase, mentioned when he appeared on ''The Tonight Show'' and ''Series/SaturdayNightLive'', and that his autobiography (actually written by his personal assistant) was called ''Still Building Character!''
* TheMovie: ''Hamster Huey'' apparently has one, subtitled ''The Kablooie Movie''.
* NamedAfterSomebodyFamous: The new baby, continuing this trend, is named after Thomas Paine.
* NoodleIncident: Calvin gets interrupted before he can reveal it, and the notes show that Calvin is really tired of people laughing at it.
* {{Retool}}: After Watterson leaves the show around the time he stopped the strip in RealLife, the show became ''The Calvin and Hobbes Show'' and adopted its VarietyShow format.
* ShoutOut: Rosalyn and Charlie's child is named Chandler.
--> "[[LampshadeHanging That's what happens when you're competing for the same timeslot as]] ''Series/{{Friends}}''."
* SpecialGuest: A lot of them post-{{retool}}. Some of the stranger choices include [[Creator/{{Nickelodeon}} Stick Stickly]] and [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons Bart and Lisa]].
* TheUnReveal: Calvin tries to directly state what the NoodleIncident was, but his mom interrupts him.
* VarietyShow: Post-{{Retool}}.
* WhamLine:
--> '''Mom:''' Rosalyn? Are you there? Calvin and Paige never made it home.