''Hitman: Miami'' is an AffectionateParody fanfic of ''VideoGame/{{Hitman}} 2: Silent Assassin'', written by "Agent 17" in 2003-2004.

It has been written as a {{walkthrough}} for the supposed game ''Hitman: Miami'', a series installment which has the bald assassin 47 HappilyMarried to the Chinese hooker Mei-Ling and living in sunny Miami. He is forced back into business, however, after unknown assailants kill his wife and--what's worse--steal his laptop. Each chapter is a walkthrough for a different mission; they usually poke fun at quirks of the original games.

Unfortunately, the series petered out after eight chapters and the promised "pretty deep plot and a twist ending" never saw the light of day.

You can read ''Hitman: Miami'' [[http://web.archive.org/web/20070506172844/http://www.hitmanforum.com/category.php?catid=42 on the hitmanforum.com website]][[note]]note that this section has been deleted in the site redesign, so the link goes to the Internet Archive[[/note]], or [[http://www.hitmanforum.com/index.php/topic/6379-hitman-miami/ directly on the forums where it originated]].

Not to be confused with ''VideoGame/HotlineMiami''.
!!The fic exhibits the following tropes:
* AffectionateParody: The author is a fan of the ''Hitman'' games, naturally.
* AirVentPassageway: Used to access the target's office in chapter 8.
* BestialityIsDepraved: The target in chapter 3 is involved in illegal ferret smuggling, and uses the ferrets for a... specific purpose.
* BoxedCrook: 47 is made this in chapter 6, after being caught by the police. "If you can drop him, we'll drop the charges."
* CoolShades: Worn by 47 throughout chapter 1.
* DeadFic
* DisproportionateRetribution: Parodying this trope from the original game:
-->... if 47 walks in, a metal detector will be set off, and an army of guards will shoot 47 on sight, as is standard procedure in the event someone sets off a metal detector, anywhere, in the entire world.
* GayBar: The Bad Times Cafe in chapter 2, [[CampGay so much]].
* KillerGorilla: Chapter 8 has 47 up against genetically engineered, gun-toting gorilla assassins.
* NeverSuicide: Taken to the extreme in chapter 4, where 47 has to forge suicide notes for every single dead body in the villa (and there are a lot). Then he blows up the entire villa anyway.
* OriginalFlavour: Well, as close as a text fic can emulate a video game. The fic is trying to, more or less, convey the feeling of playing an actual ''Hitman'' game.
* ProductPlacement: For Coca-Cola throughout chapter 3.
* PunnyName: The first chapter has 47 receive an email from a "Vladimir Cutzurnutzov".
* RhymesOnADime: Mr. Pi during fights, much to 47's frustration.
* ScannableMan: 47's barcode tattoo becomes a liability when he visits a supermarket. He needs to run his head across the barcode scanner before leaving.
* WaitingPuzzle: The ending of chapter 2 has 47 wait at a bus stop "for thirty-five real-time minutes".
** Chapter 5 has the player "watch the warehouse for hours on end", preferrably while reading an interesting novel.
* WouldHurtAChild: In chapter 7, the only way for 47 to get the money for the supermarket shopping is to garrotte the children in the toy section and steal their cash.
* YouAllLookFamiliar: A RunningGag is for many bit characters to look identical to minor characters from ''Hitman 2''.
Hm. That's a lot of numbers.