'''[[http://www.fimfiction.net/story/75631/the-conversion-bureau-cold-war The Conversion Bureau: Cold War]]''' is a canceled ''WesternAnimation/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagic'' fanfic written by [[http://www.fimfiction.net/user/An+A10+Warthog An A10 Warthog]] on Website/FimfictionDotNet. It's one of several responses to the controversial fanfic ''Fanfic/TheConversionBureau''.

On [[UsefulNotes/ColdWar September 7th, 1986]]. Equestria arrives on Earth and [[HumansAreTheRealMonsters declares humanity 'evil' and 'unfit']] behind the scenes. About a week and a half later [[FirstContact talks between the races begin]]. The ruler, Princess Celestia declares that the entire human race shall be ponified or face the consequences. Quickly, the [[SovietRussiaUkraineAndSoOn Soviet Union]] and the [[UsefulNotes/TheUnitedStates United States]] [[EnemyMine must join forces]] to save humanity. The rest of Humanity decides to pull together to fight the equine "threat", however a group of [[LesCollaborateurs traitors]] known as the PER (Ponification for Earth's Revival) conduct terrorist operation and stage protest across the US and West Germany. With the threat of assimilation at hand, two superpowers who have been stockpiling weapons for years, now must fight as one to combat the Pony threat and wipe it clean off of Earth. However sometimes, things are not as they seem....

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!! The Conversion Bureau: Cold War contains the following tropes:

* ANaziByAnyOtherName: Xenolestia.
* AdvancingWallOfDoom: The barrier. [[spoiler: Once Equestria has confirmed itself as a threat, it doesn't last long]].
* AlienAbduction: When Equestria popped up on Earth, a Chinese cruise ship with 2,000 passengers were taken and turned into newfoals.
* AliensAreBastards: Subverted. Xenolestia comes off as a complete bitch, but by chapter 7: Stalemate, we have Pony resistance against her and even [[spoiler: the Elements of Harmony]] are doubting her. [[spoiler:Justified since Xenolestia is really Queen Chrysalis.]]
* AlienInvasion: Oh no, the Ponies never invaded us... we invaded them.
* TheAlliance: The United States and the Soviet Union team up to stop the Ponies.
* AllohistoricalAllusion: After [[spoiler: the barrier is destroyed,]] the Soviets and the Americans invade a country ruled by a mad dictator from the east and the west respectively. [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarII Wonder when that has been done before?]]
* AllYourBaseAreBelongToUs: [[spoiler: Queen Chrysalis has been in control of Canterlot castle for about a month and a half before making contact with humanity.]]
* AlternateHistory: A xenocidal alien race attempts to invade Earth in the final years of the Cold War.
* AmericaSavesTheDay: The US play a huge role in the invasion.
* ArmorPiercingQuestion: Xenolestia is at a loss for words when UsefulNotes/RonaldReagan asks her a simple question at the UN meeting.
--> Ronald Reagan: "Then why don't you let people decide for themselves? Why do you have to do this against their will?"
* AssInAmbassador: Xenolestia, when she speaks to UsefulNotes/RonaldReagan, UsefulNotes/MikhailGorbachev, and other world leaders at a UN meeting.
* AssimilationPlot: Xenolestia's plan for humanity.
* AwesomePersonnelCarrier: From LAV-25s to [=BTR=]s, the [=APC=]s are in no short supply here.
* {{Badass}}: Ronald Reagan for having the balls to punch a xenocidal leader right in the face.
* BadassArmy: The American and the Soviet invasion force.
* BeatThemAtTheirOwnGame: After losing some men to Ponification potion (having been declared a chemical weapon), the Soviets respond in kind when the request to use VX nerve gas is approved.
* BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor: During Reagan's term in office, he had several speeches ready in the case of an alien invasion due to seeing as a way to obtain world peace, needless to say he gets his wish.
* BerlinWall: Briefly visited in chapter 3: Escalation, where a patrol squad in West Germany gets ambushed by PER terrorist.
* BerserkButton: Mr. Gorbachev is visibly angry when Xenolestia tries to justify the forced conversion of over 2,000 Chinese civilians.
* BigBad: Xenolestia [[spoiler: aka Queen Chrysalis.]]
* [[spoiler: BrainwashedAndCrazy: It is implied that the Royal Guard has been brainwashed by Xenolestia.]]
* BritsWithBattleships: The British assist in the American theater of the invasion by sending an Invincible class aircraft carrier and a SAS team to help out.
* BullyingADragon: Xenolestia's way of letting the world know of her plan? [[WhatAnIdiot Threatening]] [[UsefulNotes/TheUnitedStates the]] [[SovietRussiaUkraineAndSoOn most]] [[Analysis/RedChina powerful]] [[UsefulNotes/{{France}} nat]][[UsefulNotes/{{Britain}} ions]] during the Cold War.
* UsefulNotes/ColdWar
* CoolPlane:
** Fighter jets such as the F/A-18, AV-8B Harriers, and SU-24s make appearances.
** Likewise for helicopters, we get UH-1 Hueys, AH-1 [=SuperCorbra=]s, CH-47 Chinooks, Mi-28 Havocs, Mi-24 Hinds, and many more.
* CurbStompBattle: Human weaponry ''destroys'' the Royal Guard in battle, with Human casualties being incredibly light in comparison.
* DayOfTheJackboot: [[spoiler: Chapter 7: Stalemate reveals the Queen Chrysalis has been in control of Equestria for about a month and a half before making contact with humanity.]]
* DeadFic
* DeadlyGas: The Soviet forces are given authorization to use [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/VX_%28nerve_agent%29 VX nerve gas]] on a large platoon of Royal Guards in chapter 7: Stalemate.
* [[spoiler: TheDeadliestMushroom: When the Russians nuke the Barrier, the story mentions that ponies not killed outright fall to radiation poisoning many years after.]]
* DeathFromAbove: Human fighter jets are able to outmaneuver even the fastest of Pegasi and shoot them down with ease.
* DefconFive: Averted. After the failed FirstContact meeting with Xenolestia, Reagan correctly raises the DEFCON level to DEFCON 2 for Marines stationed in the Pacific and DEFCON 3 for the USAF stationed in Hawaii.
* DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu: After Xenolestia refuses to agree to peace with Humanity and threatens to potion bomb everyone at the UN meeting, Reagan has finally had enough of her shit and punches her right in the face.
* EasilyThwartedAlienInvasion: Except for the UN meeting, the Ponies never once set hoof on human soil and Human forces are already closing in on Canterlot after only ''a week''.
* TheEighties
* EnemyMine: America and the Soviet Union put aside their differences to fight the Ponies.
* ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin: Xenocidal ponies planing to wipe out humanity during the Cold War.
* ExtremelyShortTimeSpan: Everything from the failed FirstContact to the invasion of Equestria has happened in the span of one week.
* FirstContact: Xenolestia meets with some of the most influential leaders of the Cold War... to announce her plan to wipe out humanity.
* FromBadToWorse: For Equestria. First, [[spoiler: the humans manege to break the barrier]], then the two most powerful countries on Earth lead invasions from the west and the east respectively which puts them in a two front war. This should be good.
* GasMaskMooks: The invading human forces are decked out in full NBC (Nuclear Biological Chemical) gear, which helps great against the potion throwing guards. Though the suits can still be torn by arrows.
* GodSaveUsFromTheQueen: [[spoiler: Queen Chrysalis [[DayOfTheJackboot took over Canterlot]] and disguised herself as Princess Celestia about a month and a half before making contact with humanity.]]
* HarmlessVillain: The Royal Guard get crushed by human weaponry and the only real problems humanity faces are the pony sympathizing PER. Plus, the notable casualties on our side were due to arrogance because some Soviet soldiers were lead into an ambush.
* HazmatSuit: All human forces wear NBC (Nuclear Biological Chemical) gear to protect them from the potion.
* [[spoiler: HiddenVillain: Only Major Frolov and the ''real'' Princess Celestia are aware that Queen Chrysalis is the one responsible for the Humans declaring war on Equestria.]]
* HoldTheLine: Most of the Royal Guards stationed in Dodge Junction refuse to give into the Soviet forces surrounding them.
--> The ponies attempted to fight back, only inflicting minor amounts of damage on some infantry units, as these units were damaged, others would cover them. They were surrounded; one platoon against a division, but to them it didn't matter- Celestia had ordered them to hold, and they would do so with their lives, even if there was no hope for them.
* HopelessWar: For Equestria, who are horribly outmatched by the humans in both numbers and war technology.
* HotLine: [[spoiler: Prime Minister Gorbachev calls Reagan on the Moscow–Washington hotline to inform him of the Soviet nuclear ICBM about to be launched at the barrier.]]
* HumansAreTheRealMonsters: Xenolestia's main reason for wanted to wipe out Humanity.
--> Xenolestia: "I want to fix your greed, and your corruption, and fix the mistakes your people have made damaging your lands, for there is still hope! You can take a potion, be free of your greed corruption and blood lust, as well as your physically inferior forms and come to live in Equestria!"
* HumanityIsSuperior: The Royal Guard are easily crushed by human weapons.
* InsufficientlyAdvancedAlien: Thanks to [[spoiler: the barrier being destroyed]], the Royal Guard are beaten easily thanks to only being armed with spears and bows and arrows.
* ItsRainingMen: The VDV are deployed after the Soviets invade Equestria from the east.
* JustPlaneWrong: The end of Chapter 5 - Soviet Assault mentions the [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yakovlev_Yak-40 Yakovlev Yak-40]] being used by the Soviet Air Force in the middle of an active warzone.
* KilledMidSentence: A San Francisco police officer in chapter 3: Escalation.
* LaResistance: Ponies in Equestria provide Intel to the Americans and help them sneak into the Cloudsdale weather factory in the hopes to bring down Xenolestia.
* LeaningOnTheFourthWall: In chapter 6, it is mentioned that one of the reasons for critics objecting to the attack on Equestria is that "these aliens looked like something out of a little girl's cartoon."
* LesCollaborateurs: The PER.
* LightIsNotGood: Xenolestia.
* [[spoiler: MnogoNukesIntercontinentalMissiles: The USSR launches the only nuke used in the Cold War - on the barrier that is.]]
* MoreDakka: [[spoiler: The barrier is destroyed thanks to naval artillery and a Soviet nuke]].
* MugglesDoItBetter: [[spoiler: Naval artillery and a nuke beats the barrier.]] Bullets beat magic. Fighter Jets beat Pegasi.
* MultinationalTeam: The Americans, the British, and the Soviets, all team up to invade Equestria.
* MutagenicGoo: The potion. Even simply slipping in a puddle of it will turn you instantly.
* [[NoCelebritiesWereHarmed No World Leaders Were Harmed]]: Averted. Aside from Mr. Reagan and Mr. Gorbachev, MargaretThatcher, [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Li_Xiannian Li Xiannian]], and [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fran%C3%A7ois_Mitterrand François Mitterrand]] meet Xenolestia at the UN conference.
* NuclearOption: [[spoiler: A Soviet nuclear ICBM is used to destroy the barrier]].
* OhCrap: Rarity after spotting some American helicopters preparing to land outside of Ponyville.
* RainOfArrows: A small shower of arrows injures some Soviet soldiers and tears the NBC suits on others, which leads to the potion actually getting a hit.
* RageBreakingPoint: After Xenolestia has the audacity to threaten the council at the UN meeting, Reagan immediately goes to her and punches her in the face.
* RedsWithRockets: The Soviets invade Equestria from the east.
* RefugeInAudacity: Some of the characters still can't believe that America and the Soviet Union pulled an EnemyMine just to fight some Ponies.
--> Mager put his hand over his forehead. Ponies.... It felt stupid to part of him, having to team up with the Americans just to fight some dumb ponies. But the other part of him knew looks could be deceiving, and both the Americans and Russians knew that the quicker they wiped that cyka off the face of the Earth, the less problems they would have.
* RockBeatsLaser: Averted for the most part, however some Royal Guards and their weapons are able to do some damage:
** A very lucky spear throw lands into a Sukhoi SU-24's jet engine, forcing the pilot to eject.
** Some [[RainOfArrows raining arrows]] launched by a squad of Guards tear into Soviet NBC suits and give an opening for the potion to hit.
* [[spoiler: SaveThePrincess: Major Frolov captured by the Changelings as a [=POW=] finds the ''real'' Princess Celestia in the Canterlot caverns, who has been replaced by Queen Chrysalis, and decides to escort her out.]]
* ScrewThisImOuttaHere:
** In ''Chapter 2: Viewpoint'', when Xenolestia failed to potion one of the world leaders at the UN meeting, she quickly teleports out of there before nearby guards can open fire on her.
** When squads of Royal Guard ponies start getting their asses handed to them by the invading humans, some just start running away to save themselves.
* [[ScrewYouElves Screw You Ponies]]: The world acts appropriately to Xenolestia's plan for humanity.
* SemperFi: In the American theater, Marines are deployed for most combat operations such as the capture of the Cloudsdale weather factory.
* ShownTheirWork: The author has done his homework on the military equipment the US and the Soviets had in 1986.
* ShoutOut: The NATO forward base in Equestria is nicknamed Series/MisterEd.
* [[spoiler: SlaveMooks: Implied to be the case for the Royal Guards.]]
* SoleSurvivor: Specialist John Richardson is the only survivor of his patrol squad that was ambushed at the Berlin Wall by PER terrorist.
* SovietInvasionOfAfghanistan: Lieutenant Ivan Averin of the VDV is mentioned to have seen action in Afghanistan two years before the Equestrian invasion.
* SuperweaponSurprise: WMD's, specifically Soviet [[spoiler: nukes]] and VX Nerve Gas, both of which completely devastate the Equestrian military. Surprise!
* SympathyForTheDevil: Some characters can't help but feel bad for the Ponies equipped with weapons not used since the times of AncientRome getting slaughtered by fighter jets, tanks, and modern infantry.
* TakeThat: With the aliens looking "like something out of a little girl's cartoon", Reagan is amazed that Hasbro hasn't sicked their lawyers on the Equestrian government yet.
* TankGoodness: Want to see T-72s and T-80s? Yup, they're here to.
* TheMagicVersusTechnologyWar
* TheReasonYouSuckSpeech: Once Xenolestia reveals her intentions for humanity, she is given one by every present member at the meeting.
* ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill: The invasion force sent to Equestria once the barrier is broken.
--> From the [[RedsWithRockets East]], Equestria faced the threat of [[ZergRush hundreds]] of Russian paratrooper aircraft and amphibious assault vehicles, all of which were launched the second they received word [[spoiler: the barrier had fallen]]. [[CoolPlane YAK-38's, KA-25's and Mi-8's]] were all launched from their ships as they began their massive assault. In the skies above, a fleet of Il-76TD aircraft, belonging to the VDV, were ready to drop [[ItsRainingMen thousands of paratroopers]] deep into Equestria immediately.

--> Their odds from the [[YanksWithTanks West]] were just as grim, if not more so. Six American amphibious assault ships, two American Nimitz-Class Carriers, one [[BritsWithBattleships British Invincible class]], two battleships, twelve destroyers and an American Air Base in Hawaii only three hundred miles away, with the 101st United States Airborne Ready to deploy. American [=LCACs=] were being launched to deploy [[TankGoodness M1 Abrams tanks]] onto the shore of Equestria the second they made landfall, Harriers were already bombing positions that were now incredibly exposed after the strike.

--> [[{{Understatement}} All in all, Equestria was about to have a really bad day]].
* ThisMeansWar: Plans for an invasion of Equestria are drawn up as soon as the UN meeting goes to shit.
* TranshumanTreachery: Once the transformation is complete, the former human will attempt to ponify any human they encounter.
* TrappedBehindEnemyLines: What happens to Major Alaxander Frolov, whose SU-24 crashed due to a spear landing in his jet engine.
* [[spoiler: UnwittingPawn: Implied to be everypony in the Royal Guard.]]
* WarFic
* WarIsHell: Well more for the Royal Guard. For the humans, its more like hunting season because of how easy their opponents are.
* [[WhamEpisode Wham Chapter]]: Chapter 6: Common Enemy reveals that [[spoiler: the ''real'' Celestia was kidnapped and imprisoned underground by Queen Chrysalis and the Changelings. There is a reason shes been referred to only as Xenolestia throughout this article.]]
* WhamLine: In Chapter 6: Common Enemy:
--> [[spoiler: Celestia: [[WhamLine Changeling queen - she tricked everypony.]] I can't believe nopony caught what she did. It's crazy she [[Recap/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagicS2E25ACanterlotWeddingPart1 got away with it]] [[Recap/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagicS2E26ACanterlotWeddingPart2 with Cadence]] - but with me immediately after the first time? My guards were supposed to be the best of the best. [[AllYourBaseAreBelongToUs But Chrysalis now controls this palace]], [[DayOfTheJackboot and this country.]] It's been that way for a month and a half now - I don't know what she's doing. [[YouHaveToBelieveMe You've got to believe me]]."]]
* WhatTheHellHero: Some of Reagan's critics considered declaring war on the Ponies "warmongering" [[TooDumbToLive because apparently the threat of complete xenocide wasn't enough of a reason.]]
* WesternTerrorists: Currently, the PER have only been conducting terrorist operations in the US and West Germany.
* WouldHitAGirl: Ronald Reagan. Quite understandable considering the situation he was in at the time.
* YanksWithTanks: The Americans lead the charge into Equestria from the west.
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