-> ''Terrance's mother once told him that you should be able to sense when people were bad for you. Terrance never could. He used to be too trusting, now he was completely unable to fully trust anyone. He didn't know if he should be wary of Eric or not. He had no sense, no internal gauge, nothing but a bruised, misshapen lump of a frozen heart.''

[[https://archiveofourown.org/works/659649/chapters/1202880 The Ballad of Stoot and Argyle]] is a ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'' HighSchoolAU fanfiction written by Satine89, focusing on an alternate universe where Terrance Stoot and Phillip Argyle are teenaged students at South Park High preparing for their senior year of schooling. Jump-starting the story is a giant party being thrown by the most popular girl in school, Bebe Stevens, which ends with Terrance confessing to Phillip that he's gay after Cartman plays a rather nasty prank on him.

As it turns out, Eric is just [[CannotSpitItOut very bad at]] [[StalkerWithACrush expressing his]] [[GoodIsNotNice true feelings]] - he's attracted to Terrance. Terrance, though he might [[DistractedByTheSexy stare at Cartman all the time in Bio lab]], isn't sure he returns those feelings, so the two of them consent to a "trial dating period" with each other. They have the summer to determine whether or not they might like each other enough to date... and to keep their arrangements a secret from South Park at large.

This fic is on permanent hiatus.
----
!! The Ballad of Stoot and Argyle provides examples of:
* AboveTheInfluence: Pretty much the only reason Cartman is able to pull off his prank at Bebe's party. Also the only reason Terrance is so hurt by it - neither of them are drunk enough to laugh it off, like everyone else.
%%* TheAllegedCar: Terrance's Chevy Cavalier.
* AlternateCharacterInterpretation: {{Invoked}}. The page quote is Terrance weighing an alternate character interpretation of Cartman in the aftermath of agreeing to a "trial dating period" with him.
* BerserkButton: Cartman's very good at pissing off Kyle.
* BigBrotherInstinct: Kenny is still very protective of Karen, even as she prepares to enter high school. She suggests this instinct becomes even stronger when dating comes into play.
-->'''Karen:''' My brother says the older boys are off-limits. They're not… he says none of them will be interested in relationships, per se.
%%* BilingualBonus: ''Hundiste mi barco.''
%%* {{Bookworm}}: Terrance. [[CreepyChild With true-crime books.]]
%%* BoyNextDoor
%%* BrokenBird: [[spoiler: Heavily implied to be the case with Terrance's time in Canada.]]
%%* BrutalHonesty: The Goths.
%%* CannotSpitItOut: A frequent problem with Terrance, regarding just about everything.
* CannotTalkToWomen: Terrance, at the party. This is more because Terrance finds their inebriation awkward, and less because they're women. [[AvertedTrope Later on, he's shown to be close to, among others, Wendy.]]
* CantActPervertedTowardALoveInterest: Terrance made this, essentially, one of the three rules for his trial relationship with Cartman.
%%* CantHoldHisLiquor: Bebe Stevens.
* ChildProdigy: As in the show, Ike Broflovski: twelve years old and already about to finish his tenth-grade year.
* {{Cloudcuckoolander}}: Most of the school thinks Terrance lives in his own universe. Lexus is also the resident Cloudcuckoolander of the Raisins girls.
* CluelessChickMagnet: Terrance and Phillip, to the point where they think they have only one female fan.
* ClusterFBomb: Jenny Simons' and Georgie's speech. On occasion, Terrance, Phillip, Kyle, and Cartman veer into this.
%%* ComingOfAgeStory: For the two titular characters.
* ContemplateOurNavels: It happens a few times in the fic. Terrance does it the most; the page quote comes from one particular navel-gazing session.
* DarkAndTroubledPast: Terrance keeps alluding to one, but not explaining it; [[BrutalHonesty Eric flat-out tells Terrance he killed a guy]], which is certainly enough to qualify him.
%%* DeadpanSnarker: A few characters.
* DistractedByTheSexy: The girls while watching [[ShowWithinAShow The Terrance and Phillip Show]].
* DoubleEntendre
-->'''Phillip:''' [[ItMakesSenseInContext Don't swallow.]]
-->'''Terrance:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Do I ever?]]
* DoorStopper: The first eighteen chapters cover a month in time. Nineteen starts off a new month, thankfully...
%%* DramaQueen: The Raisins girls.
%%* EeriePaleSkinnedBrunette: Terrance.
* FacePalm: In its famous WesternAnimation/SouthPark counterpart form, the nose pinch.
* FlatWhat: Phillip's reaction to Terrance's retelling of his first outside-Terrance's-house confrontation/non-sequitir-filled existential conversation with Cartman.
* FormerlyFat: Cartman, by virtue of taking up lacrosse. Everyone still calls him a fatass anyways.
%%* FromBadToWorse: Terrance's last week of school, until the trial relationship comes about.
* FunnyForeigner: True in a technical sense, as Terrance and Phillip are aspiring foreign comedians. As far as the trope definition goes, averted.
* GayBestFriend: Terrance is technically this to Phillip. It doesn't get brought up much.
* {{Gayngst}}: Terrance gets hit with this hard. None of the other gay characters (Phillip, Cartman) are even remotely close to his level of Gayngst.
* GoodIsNotNice: The Goths embody this in differing ways. And as Terrance finds out, Cartman [[TheAtoner has a bad reputation because of his past]], and is still extremely rough around the edges because of it.
* GreenEyedMonster: [[spoiler: Terrance can tell Cartman is jealous of Phillip, and doesn't quite get why. Apparently he's immune to [[MrFanservice Phillip's looks]].]]
* HeterosexualLifePartners: Terrance and Phillip. Except they're both gay. [[spoiler: And Phillip is unsure if he wants more from the relationship or not.]]
* HeWhoFightsMonsters / KnightTemplar: Stan is pretty sure Kyle is getting to this level of insanity regarding Cartman.
%% * HighSchoolAU: Clearly. This is a Zero Context Example. Please do not uncomment until further context has been added.
* HormoneAddledTeenager: A few characters, most notably Ferrari of the Raisins Girls and Bebe.
* HorribleJudgeOfCharacter: Terrance definitely was in Canada, judging from his thoughts; judging from the page quote and his burgeoning relationship with Cartman, he might still be.
* [[spoiler: IncompatibleOrientation: Poor Karen has no idea...]]
* InTouchWithHisFeminineSide: Butters, who just wants to tell people about his new cat.
* ItRunsInTheFamily: Terrance got his love of comedy from his father, and his looks from his mother. According to Ondine, the smarts got lost somewhere along the way.
%%* JadeColoredGlasses: '''Terrance.'''
* JerkJock: Cartman. Terrance comes to view it more as [[JerkWithAHeartOfGold Jerk Jock with a Heart of Gold]].
* JewsLoveToArgue: Illustrated fairly well in Chapter 20, after being heavily implied for most of the fic.
* LastNameBasis: Cartman. [[spoiler: Which is why Terrance calling him Eric is a huge deal.]]
* LateArrivalSpoiler: It's the Cartman/Terrance fanfic!
* LoonyFriendsImproveYourPersonality: Terrance and Phillip.
* LoveDodecahedron: With the two title characters alone, [[spoiler: Karen is in love with Terrance, who is currently pseudo-dating Cartman, who is jealous of Phillip. Phillip has a large fan contingent with the females at the school, and is himself in love with Bebe Stevens and Terrance, stuck in his own mental LoveTriangle.]] In addition, Wendy thinks she might be stuck in one involving her and the Goth Kids, though Stan and Adam assure her that's just her own paranoia.
* LoveHurts: Everyone's a teenager. It happens. Terrance gets this dumped on him a lot.
* LoveRedeems: {{Lampshaded}} and discussed a few times.
-->'''Terrance:''' You can’t become a better person with one kiss.
* MasterOfTheMixedMessage: Terrance. Justified; this is Cartman he's dealing with, in addition to [[BrokenBird working through his past being abused in Canada.]]
* MrFanservice: Everyone, from [[GreenEyedMonster Cartman]] to [[SingleWomanSeeksGoodMan Bebe]], thinks Phillip is this.
* MysteriousPast: Terrance. Eric's hiding a few things of his own, and the reasons Ondine left Terrance's father are pretty vague as well.
* NewMediaAreEvil: Terrance apparently only owns a cell phone. Cartman's extremely bothered by his lack of a Website/{{Facebook}}, among other social media.
* [[spoiler: NoAntagonist: Once you realize Cartman is just really bad at making himself appealing to Terrance, and is not actually trying to kill/exploit him, the idea of what might happen if the two of them actually come to care about each other, in addition to what might happen if anyone they couldn't trust was to find out about them trying to care for each other, becomes the main antagonistic force.]]
* NoodleIncident: Terrance and Phillip are banned from TGI Friday's for something they broadcast on television.
* OnlySaneMan: Wendy thinks that Dylan might be this for the Goths.
* OpenMindedParent: Ondine. [[spoiler: She knew Terrance was gay for a long time before basically handling his coming out for him. It's the possibility of sex, though, that she's less okay with.]]
* OppositesAttract: Introverted, nerdy, mysterious Terrance... with loud, open, creepy Eric Cartman.
* PhraseCatcher: Any time Terrance tries out a new expletive-laden insult, the recipient (usually Phillip or Eric) will invariably say "That's a new one" or something similar.
%%* RotatingProtagonist
* ScrewThisImOuttaHere: A pretty dark variation of it, at the library.
* SecurityCling: Phillip's attempts to comfort Terrance after the party.
* ShowWithinAShow: The Terrance and Phillip Show, now on South Park Public Access!
* ShoutOut: A mistake on Terrance's part about ''WesternAnimation/BeavisAndButthead'' leads him to believe the duo is from Newfoundland. Music/FleetwoodMac is also extensively discussed during a pivotal scene, and Cartman apparently [[WesternAnimation/AvatarTheLastAirbender mastered Firebending at some point in the past.]]
** In addition, each chapter title is a song lyric.
** Eric came to a pretty significant conclusion about himself while reading ''Theatre/OedipusTheKing'' in junior high.
* SonOfAWhore: As in canon, Cartman.
* SorkinRelationshipMoment: Terrance pulls one out after [[spoiler: Eric suggests the two of them date, plainly outlining why this is a bad idea. They end up agreeing to a trial relationship anyway, [[DistractedByTheSexy because Cartman is a good kisser.]]]]
%%* StalkerWithACrush: Cartman is really, REALLY bad at dating.
%%* StraightGay: Cartman.
* SympatheticMurderer: [[spoiler:Cartman admits to Terrance that he killed Scott Tenorman's parents without much prodding. He also admits that it was a fucked-up thing to do, and he's been trying to atone for those things since middle school.]]
* TakeThat: Terrance apparently hates {{Music/Skrillex}}, and both he and Cartman have a hard time watching WesternAnimation/AdventureTime.
* TakingTheKids: Ondine did this with Terrance, to escape her husband for unknown reasons.
* TeenPregnancy: How Ondine gave birth to Terrance AND ended up married to her ex-husband for more than a decade.
* ThisIsGonnaSuck: Spin the Bottle at Bebe's party, as presented by Drunk Bebe.
--> '''Cartman''': Kiss me.
* ThoseTwoGuys: Terrance and Phillip. [[ShipperOnDeck Cartman thinks they're dating.]] [[spoiler: [[GreenEyedMonster He hates that]].]]
* TroubledButCute: [[CastFullofPrettyBoys Basically the entire male cast]], excepting Stan. Exaggerated with Cartman, Terrance, and Kenny.
* VolleyingInsults: Kyle and Cartman, in addition to Wendy and Georgie the Kindergoth.
* VulgarHumor / ToiletHumor: It's heavily implied that Terrance and Phillip's cable access show is fueled by this, the two of them playing the role of MrFanservice, and {{Squick}}. The show is likened in-text to {{Series/Jackass}}.
* WhamLine:
** [[spoiler: "Well, you are a fag. Like me."]]
** [[spoiler: Terrance's "...I think I'm falling for you" counts as one for Cartman.]]
* WhatDoesSheSeeInHim: [[spoiler: In an inversion of what everyone on earth would assume, Kenny thinks Terrance is too crazy for Cartman.]]
* WhereDidWeGoWrong: Phillip's parents, regarding Phillip. Considering the entire family besides him is made up of RichBitch snobs, it's probably good Phillip rebelled against them.
* WildTeenParty: Bebe's party that kicks off the entire plot.
----