[[caption-width-right:256:Art by Tim [=McLees=], text by Alex Fauth.]]

Oh brother, where do we begin?

Maybe with a disclaimer: it's important to note that [[PoesLaw this character is NOT a parody or satire]] on MarySue characters. If it were, it would be pure and absolute genius... but sadly, the author is actually ''serious.''

With that being said, on to our story...

In late 1993, one Stephen Ratliff wrote a ''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration'' FixFic to rescue the alternate-timeline Tasha Yar and redeem her half-Romulan daughter Sela, and posted it to the Website/{{Usenet}} group alt.startrek.creative. As a B-plot, Ratliff took several of the [[IncrediblyLamePun minor]] preteen characters who appeared in single episodes of the series--notably including Marissa Flores and Jay Gordon from the episode "[[Recap/StarTrekTheNextGenerationS5E5Disaster Disaster]]", Clara Sutter of "Imaginary Friend", and Worf's son Alexander--and gave them the keys to the saucer while the grown-ups were away.

...No, really. Yes, still serious. It seems that since their canonical appearances these ambitious kiddies have been playing at being Starfleet officers in the holodeck, and it turns out they all had fantastic survival times in the ''Kobayashi Maru'' simulation -- better even than Data's -- so no less than Spock himself gives the plan the A-OK.

They managed to singlehandedly defeat Cardassian Gul Dukat trying to invade Earth (with exactly one ship), humiliating him by [[ZorroMark burning "I was beaten by a bunch of kids" on the hull of his disabled invasion fleet]]. Picard & company bring Tasha and Sela back after swinging by [[Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries The Original Series]], and that's the end.

Except that Ratliff took a shine to his "Kid's Crew", and brought them back to headline his other fanfic. His favorite was the captain of the crew, Marissa Flores. He renamed her (probably not intentionally) 'Marrissa Floras', cured her canonical timid diffidence ''really'' quick, had Captain Picard adopt her after her real parents met the fate of all redshirts, and sent her rising swiftly through the ranks until she became a fully commissioned starship captain while still a preteen. Shortly before which she had been discovered to be the long-lost princess and heir of a small planet (itself apparently a colony of the United Kingdom).

''And'' she was placed in charge of Starfleet by the time she was twenty-one. ''And'' won the [[strike:Kentucky Derby]] Triple Crown. ''And'' was instrumental in finally bringing Picard and Doctor Crusher together. ''And''... well, Marissa doesn't like overly long titles.

Just read the stories. Most of them can be found {{MST}}ed [[http://home.netcom.com/%7Emblackwl/mst.html here]] and [[http://www.svamcentral.org/ewic/ms-mar.html here]]. WebVideo/TheFanFictionCritic has reviewed Field Trip and Enterprized.

Absolutely no relation to [[FanFic/{{ITSMYLIFE}} Marrissa Roberts.]] [[note]]Insane Guy of DOOM claims that his Marrissa was named after Stephen's Marissa, but otherwise the two girls are different.[[/note]]

!!List of stories

# The Field Trip
# To Go the Distance (replacement for Enterprized and Battle for Bajor (a replacement for A Gul's Revenge))
# All the King's Horses
# Cadet Cruise
# Who Q? Where Q?
# Looking for Something in Red
# The Away Mission (currently unavailable)
# The Captain and the Doctor
# Chasing Marrissa
# Worlds in Collusion (replacement for A Royal Mess)
# Memorial Day
# Home for Christmas
# I Regret to Inform You
# Royal and Prime Directives
# Athena Prospects
# Premier Marquis
# The Only Constant
# The Walls of Jellico
# The Seventh Fleet
# Not Indefatigable
# Endeavor's Beginning
# Far Above Our Poor Power
# A Royal Wedding
# A New Generation
# Falling Into Command
# Return to Glory


* AdultsAreUseless: Although, technically, anybody not named Marissa is useless. People over the age of twenty-one might as well be marooned on ice-floes. Or simply euthanized, [[{{Metaphorgotten}} like in]] the novel version of ''Literature/LogansRun''.
* BabiesEverAfter: After a hefty dose of PairTheSpares, everyone (including Marissa and Dr. Crusher) gets busy cranking out as many offspring as they can.
* CaptainObvious: In chapter four of "Enterprized", it's stated repeatedly that two members of the landing party with the same last name as Marissa (spelled wrong, but hey) have been killed and Picard even tells Riker he'll be the one to tell Marissa the news. Apparently, Ratliff thought the subtext wasn't obvious enough, so he ends the chapter with an author's note helpfully explaining that "Lt. and Ensign Floras" were Marissa's parents. And no, it's not explained which was her father and which was her mother.[[note]]Though, given the number of babies women seem to crank out in the Ratliffverse, and the greater downtime that maternity leave normally engenders when compared to paternity leave, we can probably guess.[[/note]]
* CelebrityParadox: Averted. In "Time Speeder", we find out that all records of the ''Franchise/StarTrek'' franchise were classified as Top Secret once "reality" started following "fiction".
* CharacterNameAlias: In "Time Speeder", two bad guys from the future check into a hotel under the names of James Kirk and Jean-Luc Picard. Because of the situation under CelebrityParadox, this falls under this trope, though they may not have been aware of it. (Though you'd expect the hotel staff to be suspicious.)
* ChewbaccaDefense: In "Premier Maquis" (the one with the Ratliff Gas), Marissa gets assigned to defend Ro Laren in her court martial for defecting to the Maquis[[note]]in the TNG episode "Preemptive Strike"[[/note]]; Marissa's main argument is that Ro ''[[InsaneTrollLogic resigned from Starfleet]]'' before defecting[[note]]in the sense of sabotaging the mission she was on and holding Riker at phaser-point before leaving, but nevermind[[/note]], and should therefore be tried as a civilian. She wins the case.
* CrossOver: One short involves Marissa and friends playing [[Franchise/SailorMoon Sailor Scouts]] in a Holodeck simulation. Wesley is Tuxedo Mask. [[{{Squick}} Remember, in these stories he's her stepbrother.]]
** Also, the BigLippedAlligatorMoment mentioned on the [[YMMV/MarissaPicard YMMV page]].
* TheDanza: the name "Flores" was simply the last name of the actress originally portraying the character in the ''Series/StarTrekTheNextGeneration'' episode "Disaster," presumably since it was a one-time appearance and so there was no need to invent a fully-fictitious name. (Little did they know....)
** The actress, [[http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0282810/ Erika Flores]], later played Colleen Cooper for the first two-and-a-half seasons of ''Series/DrQuinnMedicineWoman'', and appeared in an episode of ''Series/{{House}}'' and of ''[[TheLoveBoat Love Boat: The Next Wave]]''. Coincidentally, her sister is named ''Melissa'' Flores.
** Someone familiar with the fanfic has listed the character on IMDB as Marissa Flores (although this is how it appears at the end of the episode)
* [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything Does This Remind You Of Anything]]/[[SignificantAnagram Significant Anagram]]: [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balkans The Naklab system]], with M-class planets Nevolsia, Troac, Sobnia, and Bresa. Troac and Bresa are fighting over Sobnia. Marissa, aged fourteen, negotiates a system-wide 'tready' by locking the ambassadors into the conference room and refusing to let them out until they behave.
** There's also a rather pathetic enemy race called the Trakce. Ratliff has claimed that they're Eckart spelled backwards, because they're the exact opposite of a real-life person named Eckart whom he respects.
* EternalSeptember: {{Averted}}; posted before the Internet became mainstream in 1996.
* EverythingsBetterWithPrincesses: At the same time it's discovered that Marissa is the Princess and Heir to the Throne of the planet Essex, her best friend Clara is also revealed as a Princess of the same planet. Note that until then, these two have absolutely no connection beyond both their families just happening to serve aboard the same starship.
* FairytaleWeddingDress: In "A Royal Wedding", the train on Marissa's wedding dress is 45 feet long. (And she doesn't have time to take the dress off before she has to get back in her starship's command chair and blast some Romulans.)
* FeudalFuture: In case you missed it the first time, Marissa Amber Flores Picard Gordon is Princess and Heir to the Throne of Planet Essex.
** Takes a massive level in hilarity when you realise (as Ratliff evidently didn't) that the actual county of Essex is otherwise considered basically the UK version of UsefulNotes/NewJersey. Especially [[TheDitz in terms of blonde teen girls]].
*** And from there, [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Essex_County,_New_Jersey the joke comes full circle.]]
** Ratliff seems to have a heavy obsession with noble titles, focusing heavily on them in the stories where they come up.
* FixFic: The fanfic that started it all, "Enterprized", mainly revolved around rescuing the alternate-universe Tasha Yar who was Sela's mother; Marissa and the Kids' Crew were the B plot.
* ForgottenPhlebotinum: In "A Gul's Revenge", and again in "A Battle for Bajor", a Cardassian ship fires torpedoes at Marissa's ship. She grabs the torpedoes with her ship's tractor beams and ''hurls them back at the Cardassian ship'', disabling it. Needless to say, the Cardassians never adapt to this game-changing tactic, and no other Starfleet captains ever use it.
** Probably because torpedoes have such powerful shields that they glow brightly, otherwise it would be simply smarter to blast them with phasers. But Mary Sues make their own laws.. of physics.
* HateFic[=/=]DarkFic: Ratliff's stories have inspired a few full-fledged Hate Fics, including one written by Creator/AdamCadre where Marissa embraces the role of the EldritchAbomination "[[FanNickname Manat]]". (See also: OffingTheOffspring, ImAHumanitarian.)
** A great number of Ratliff parodies, HateFic and otherwise, can be found [[http://home.netcom.com/~mblackwl/trib.html here]]. The Manat hate-fic is "Dark Marissa #1: The Master Builders." An even more disturbing hate-fic titled ''Marissa Pays Off Karma'' used to be linked from that site, too, but has since been removed at the author's request.
* HumiliationConga: Carving graffiti into a Cardassian ship with the Enterprise's phasers. Also, routinely the fate of any adult who dares question why the hell a bunch of kids are allowed access to the most sophisticated equipment Mankind has ever devised, in the most dangerous milieu possible.
* IdiotBall: The very first instance was a Cardassian attacking Earth (as in, declaring war on the entire Federation) in a single ship with a single phaser bank. If we went on, we'd be here all month.
* ImprobableAge
* InThePastEveryoneWillBeFamous: Yes, Marissa gets to meet UsefulNotes/BillClinton and Prince William...
* KidHero: Boy, is she ever!
* LittleMissBadass: Marissa first took command of the Enterprize ''[sic]'' at, what, age 10 or 11?
* MandatoryMotherhood: At least half of the saga is devoted to domestic SoapOpera, in which Ratliff, with all the dedicated enthusiasm of a [[TheFifties 50's]] women's magazine writer, sets about pairing up his characters and starts them popping out kids ''just'' as soon as they finish puberty themselves.
* MeaningfulName: Guess what happens to Ensign Throwaway?
** Though certainly a coincidence, the name "Marissa" sounds remarkably like "Mary Sue."
* {{MST}}ing: The format most new readers find them in. Ratliff himself has {{MST}}ed some of these fics...
* NoCelebritiesWereHarmed: Averted in "Time Speeder," in which Wesley Crusher courts Chelsea Clinton. Chelsea then becomes the first captain of NASA's first manned interstellar mission, falls through a wormhole and arrives in the 24th century, where she and Wes marry. After she purchases a suitable wardrobe, of course. She shows up later as a Starfleet captain, new daughter in arms, joking that "Wes" doesn't like her spending so much time on the bridge now that she's a mom. Not making ''any'' of this up, folks.
* OCStandIn, PossessionSue: The original "Marissa Flores" character and several of her compatriots were in only one episode ("Disaster") and didn't get that much development there. Clara, her [[strike: sycophant toady]] loyal best buddy, was featured in the episode "Imaginary Friend".
* OldShame: Ratliff has since admitted he regrets writing "Time Speeder". Unfortunately, he chose to try to revise it rather than totally erasing it from existence.
* OnlyFatalToAdults: The trope frequently invoked to let the Kids' Crew into action. Most infamously, a sleep gas the Maquis used which didn't affect anyone under the age of fifteen, [[FanNickname a.k.a. "Ratliff Gas"]].
* OutOfCharacter: Oh boy howdy yes. Does Picard of the source material look like the kind of fella who would adopt? Also, does Riker strike you as the type who would constantly let himself be pwned by a twelve-year-old? Would Worf really be that concerned about ensuring 'Alex' gets his 'Uncle Kurn' a birthday present?
** Last but not least, did the original shy, timid Marissa Flores ''herself,'' seem ''anything'' like Ratliff's MarySue bastardized homunculus of her? Are we supposed to believe that one incident of coping with a difficult and dangerous situation would turn her into a teenage superhero, rather than simply landing her in trauma-therapy?
* OverrankedSoldier: Guess who?
* PairTheSpares: Picard marries Dr. Crusher. Marissa marries Jay Gordon. Alex Rozhenko (Worf's son) marries Clara Sutter. Wesley marries ''Chelsea Clinton.''
* UsefulNotes/ThePope: In "A Royal Mess, Part 2", The Pontiff shows up in his own starship and blasts some Romulans. He later makes a few other appearances along the same lines.
* RedShirt: Ensign Throwaway, in both Ratliff's original draft of ''Enterprized!'' and his later rewrite.
** Notably subverted in the same story. When Ratliff lists off the people boarding the Romulan ship, he ends the list with "and another security officer". The nameless security officer survives, but Lieutenant Floras eats a phaser blast.
* RougeAnglesOfSatin: Abandon hope, all ye grammar nerds who venture in here. Ratliff's defensive disclaimer -- 'All spelling errors are to be ingored' -- has reached near-MemeticMutation status in certain circles.
** His first story, "Enterprized" (yes, he even misspelled the name of the ship), actually declares in the header that "Spell checker is down," as if a spell checker were an independent piece of hardware and Ratliff's was on the fritz.
** Ratliff did eventually get a spelling checker, but there's a big difference between a spelling checker and a grammar checker. More than once, a character answered yes by saying "of coarse."
* SdrawkcabName: The ''Naklab'' system. And the Trakce race.
* SpinOffBabies: Eventually, the Enterprise and the rest of Starfleet get entire "back-up" crews of preteens.
* TimeTravel: In "Time Speeder".
* TrademarkFavoriteFood: Marissa loves anything strawberry-flavored, particularly strawberry juice.
* TryToFitThatOnABusinessCard: She is Mar[r]issa Amber Flores Picard Gordon, Princess and Heir to the Throne of Planet Essex, Captain of the U.S.S. Essex/Nova/whatever ship she's gotten her grubby mitts on this time around, Lord High Commander of All Kids' Crews, Supreme Commander of all Starfleet, winner of the Triple Crown, and holder of the longest Kobayashi Maru survival time ''evar''. Look upon her works, ye mighty, and despair.
* YouMeddlingKids: According to one of Ratliff's stories, the minimum age to join the Kids Crew is ''five years old.'' (This is the same Kids Crew that frequently has to take command of the starship and engage in firefights with Romulans.)