How to describe ''Imma Wiserd''? Well, as one dramatic reader said, it's basically the gangsta version of ''MyImmortal''—or at least that's what was said.

[[OverlyLongName Soulja Spirit Buu Jackson]], otherwise known as Turtle, starts the story on the porch of his mothers house without any food to eat. At this point, he suddenly finds out that he can make food appear by saying the name of the desired food. Upon discovering this, his mom abandons him, threatening to shoot him if comes back. After this, he leaves for Hogwarts in the second chapter, after which the story is essentially a chaotic sequence of events that (mostly) center around making Turtle into a MartyStu of almost unbelievable proportions, including beating three Quidditch teams, the Death Eaters & the Klu Klux Klan simultaneously, meeting god & being sent back to Earth after dying & summoning a dragon patronus.

In the midst of this, something of a plot emerges when it turns out that there is a [[RougeAnglesofSatin profasi]] that he must kill 'da dark lord [[StarWars Vader]]mort', who is initially supposed to want to [[OmnicidalManiac destroy the world]], which is later changed when his back story is revealed - he was born as the twin brother of Shieqwan, who is black, & has hated [[NWordPrivileges black people]] ever since. It's revealed that he & Snape are the same person around the same time. Eventually, he goes back in time to uninvent fried chicken, which, due to fried chicken being the cause of Soulja's magic powers, results in Soulja becoming muggle, & therefore ineligible to be at Hogwarts. To resolve this, Turtle goes to the distant past in order to reinvent fried chicken, which is revealed to be inhabited by characters from The Bible, but finds out that Vadermort followed him. At this point, what little plot it had to begin with disintegrates rapidly, firstly with Jesus giving Turtle his powers back, but still intending to reinvent fried chicken, & then forgetting that entirely after a single attempt, in favour of what becomes more of a team grudge between Turtle & his new friends (including Jesus, Judas, Mary Margerine & a [[CampGay homosexual reinterpretation of]] [[SpotlightStealingSquad The Old Testament Joseph]]) & Snape & his original Death Eaters (including Herod & [[FemmeFatale Jezebel]]). Needless to say, the story is almost universally considered to be TrollFic by those who have read it.

Unfortunately, being like ''My Immortal'', Fanfiction.Net took it down. It's been re-uploaded yet again and even ''then'' it was taken down. At the moment, the whole story up to Chapter 69 can be found at [[http://immawiserd.weebly.com this website]]. Several dramatic readings can also be found on Website/{{Youtube}}, one of the most popular being [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stXRdvd9h7M this one]].
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!!! Tropes

* AnachronismStew: The Hogwarts 10000 years in the past definitely counts, having various bible figures, crucifixion, chemistry labs, Ancient Egypt, musical theater, pirates, classical music & a picture of AbrahamLincoln all present at the same time, far before when they actually existed (except for possibly the pirates, & even they play on much more recent stereotypes).
* AnatomicallyImpossibleSex: There is never any mention of lubricants being used at all during the story, even where they clearly should be.
* ArtisticLicenseBiology: Jezebel laughs so hard that she ''has a baby''. This occurs several times in a couple of days.
* ArtisticLicenseChemistry: Turtle, at Jesus's suggestion, tries to reinvent [[TrademarkFavoriteFood fried chicken]] using a chemistry lab instead of an actual kitchen, & during the entire (brief) process is never as much as hinted as even being near any chickens at all.
* ArtisticLicenseReligion: Hoo boy... the author claims to have talked to a preacher so he could learn enough about biblical times to write about it. He must not have been paying very much attention.
* AsLongAsItSoundsForeign: UsefulNotes/AdolfHitler says many phrases in Mock-German, [[CriticalResearchFailure none of which are even remotely accurate to the translations given by the author]].
** "gutantof gutantof chocolate choclate gutantof" sed hitler wich wuz german 4 "i agree we shud kill him"
*** "Gutantof" is a misspelling of "Gutentag", which means "Good day" or "Hello". The real translation should be "Ich stimme zu, wir sollten ihn töten."
** "KINDERGAREN" he sed wich wuz german 4 "deres sumden rong wit mi baby"
*** "Kindergarten" means "Children Garden" and [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin is one of the first years of schooling]]. Again, the proper German for the above English phrase should be "Es ist etwas mit meinem baby."
* AuthorFilibuster: If it wasn't a TrollFic, it would probably qualify.
* AwesomeMcCoolname: The main character's full name is "Soulja Spirit [[DragonBall Buu]] Jackson", but everyone else calls him "Turtle" for some reason.
* BedTrick: Joseph is tricked into having sex with Jezebel, which is traumatic for him considering how he is portrayed as CampGay and wants nothing to do with women sexually.
* BeigeProse: The story tends towards the undescriptive at best.
* BibleTimes: The main character goes back in time to this time period to re-invent fried chicken.
* BigNo:
-->"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!11111111" sed herman but she was 2 busy sewing 2 do anyting.
* BlackComedy: Solomon's math lesson involves cutting up babies with chainsaws. Several of the story's villains eat babies.
* BloodyMurder: One of the dragons Turtle fights shoots fire from the neck when decapitated and has acid blood.
* CampGay: The portrayal of Theatre/{{Joseph|AndTheAmazingTechnicolorDreamcoat}}.
** It eventually turns out that, during the time when Biblical figures were present at Hogwarts at least, the entire Hufflepuff house was composed of [[AllGaysArePromiscuous highly]] [[AllGaysLoveTheatre obvious]] gay stereotypes.
* CatchPhrase: Bradberry and Steven, Joseph's gay friends, say "fabulos" far too often.
* CrackFic: Whoever wrote this [[ExcusePlot story]] must surely have a highly active imagination.
* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment:
-->"how can dey still see us!1" sed hary pottr. it wuz bcuz da ski wuz wit and we wuz da only blak guys on da feild. "it is bcuz da ski is wit and we is da only blak guys on da feeld" i sed.
* DramaticReading: For a while, they were [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6992033/14/imma-wiserd-Special-Commentary-by-Kaylyne-Morgan the]] [[http://www.youtube.com/user/Andjealous/videos?query=wiserd only]] [[http://www.youtube.com/user/Temascos/videos?query=wiserd way]] to find anything past chapter 14, at least until an [[http://immawiserd.weebly.com this enterprising fellow]] posted a backup of most of the story.
* EatsBabies: As noted above, the villains of the story do this.
* GratuitousGerman: Hitler, natch. However, it's very obvious that the person writing this [[AsLongAsItSoundsForeign never took a German language class in their life.]]
* GreedyJew: How Snape is portrayed. He even rides a giant dollar bill like a flying carpet.
* IKEAErotica: Unsurprisingly, the sex scenes here are ridiculously simplistic.
* InNameOnly: The fic's connection to canon was tenuous at best from the start, but once Turtle goes back in time to the Biblical era, the story pretty much ceases to resemble a Harry Potter fic at all, outside of a couple of retained characters.
* JesusWasWayCool
* JiveTurkey: Pretty much how the whole story is written.
* LudicrousGibs: Happens to the monsters that Turtle and [[Literature/TheBible David]] fight.
* MagicalNegro: The story's alternative title is the... [[NWordPrivileges less polite]] form of this phrase.
* ModernMinstrelsy: Oh, where to begin?
* NWordPrivileges: That word is used a ridiculous number of times throughout the story, yet a white cop who uses it gets a dragon Patronus set on him.
* PersonalRaincloud: Joseph gains one after falling victim to the BedTrick.
* RaceLift: Harry is black in this story, but mentions that [[DanielRadcliffe a white guy]] was cast to play him in the movies.
* RougeAnglesOfSatin: Oh so very much. He claimed that he was going to improve his spelling to 'give u da best reedin experiants', but any degree of noticeable improvement was marginal. Notable examples include:
** he went ova to da closet an opned in. an out came... A KLUKKLUCKSKLANMAN!1111
** den snap cam up and sed "cum 2 mi oriface"
** "dis is my new friend turtle" sed jesus "turtle, let me introduce you to my 2 best friends. mary margerin and judas."
* SerialEscalation: The story starts off crazy from Chapter 1 and it just gets crazier chapter after chapter.
* StayInTheKitchen: "Herman" (Hermione) wants to go back in time with the male characters, but is told that she shouldn't because they didn't have sewing machines, pretty dresses, or vacuum cleaners back then.
* StatlerAndWaldorf: Make appearances in the story.
* TitleDrop: Turtle does this after relating his depressing life before Hogwarts to LeonardoDaVinci.
--> " i wuz so sad. but den one day dat all changed. all of a sudden i found out someden dat changed my life 4eva... imma wiserd."
** He also does this in the [[FakeOutFadeOut supposed final chapter]] during an epic battle with "Vadermort"
-->"no" i sed "a yeer ago i mite have been a failure. i wud just sit on da porch an dreem. but now... im a frend... im a hero... IMMA WISERD!111"
* TrollFic: Whereas people still to this day don't know whether or not ''MyImmortal'' is a TrollFic or not, they know very well that ''Imma Wiserd'' is a 100% trollfic.
* UnexplainedRecovery: Turtle supposedly dies after being knocked off his broom by [[StarWars Vader]][[BigBad mort]] in an early chapter, but wakes up in the hospital wing the next day and quickly recovers as if nothing has happened.
* WhereDaWhiteWomenAt: Turtle's relationship with "Herman".
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