->''"[[ItAmusedMe I... did it... for the lawls]]."''

In the ending moments of the [[FateZero Fourth Holy Grail War]], certain people took a different tack to resolve the problem of the tainted grail. As a result, there was no fire that consumed Fuyuki City.

Ten years later, Shirou Urobuchi finds himself having the most harrowing day of his life. He is chased by a blue haired spearman for no reason, and his attempt to counterattack gets the school burnt down. After his life was saved by a white haired man dual wielding swords, he manages to get home, only to find Illyasviel von Einzbern nee Emiya waiting for him. She's giving him an early birthday present, her virginity. The red haired, internet savvy, hungry for Sakura Matou, teenaged boy accepts, and soon finds his fate tied to the Emiya family, just as the Fifth Holy Grail War begins...

''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6859461/1/I_Put_On_My_Robe_And_Wizard_Hat I Put On My Robe And Wizard Hat]]'' is a FateStayNight FanFic written by Ol'Velsper. It is an attempt to reimagine the Fifth Holy Grail War [[FollowTheLeader in the same vein]] as the [[Fanfic/TheKeyToASuccessfulInterview Interview-verse]] [[Fanfic/BeautifulDestroyerSailorMoon fics]] of The Sage of Toads. That means making people GenreSavvy, OneOfUs, and most importantly CrazyAwesome.

The {{Sequel}}, ''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7083560/1/ Apostles in Leather Pants]]'', takes place not long after the first story and reimagines Tsukihime. Let's not forget the side story, ''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6931474/1/Reflections_of_the_Kaleidoscope Reflection of the Kaleidoscope]]'', contain some what ifs and some crossovers.

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!!'''This fanfic contains examples of:'''
* {{Badass}}: [[TakeALevelInBadass Shirou is shaping up to be one]]. Then there are the Servants, Kiritsugu, and [[{{Merlin}} Myrddin]] [[ChildMage Emrys]].
* [[BigDamnHeroes Big Damn Summon]]: Miyu accidentally triggered a servant summoning spell, just in time to call forth a replacement Rider-class who took down the zombies after her. [[spoiler:And not just any Rider class, but [[FateZero Iskander-Rider from the Fourth Grail War.]]]]
* BrainBleach: Well... Lancer was certainly {{squick}}ed by what he found out when Shirou asked his last question.
* [[BrokeYourArmPunchingOutCthulhu Broke Your Arm Punching Out Angra Mainyu]]: [[spoiler:Type 1. Shirou Urobuchi (The Younger) [[HeroicSacrifice sacrificed]] himself to stop Angra Mainyu's manifestation, but ended up trapped in the Holy Grail and finding out he only delayed the Evil Divine Spirit.]]
* CameBackWrong: Shinji Matou, after his grandfather merged what remained of Shinji's body with one of his worm familiars.
* CanonImmigrant: Kuro-Ilya isn't the only FateKaleidLinerPrismaIllya character to join the fun. Miyu Edelfelt exists in the story as Miyu Inui, Shirou's half-sister on his mother's side, [[{{Tsukihime}} sibling to Arihiko Inui and Ichiko Inui]], and [[spoiler:an unintended Master of Iskander-Rider.]]
* CarFu: Medusa-Rider and Saber duel on motorbikes, and then later, Rider tries to run Shirou and Saber down with a train!
--> '''Shirou''': [[MultiTrackDrifting Multi-Track Drifting!]]
* ClapYourHandsIfYouBelieve: Rin believes that [[{{Slayers}} Lina Inverse]] is real. Thus, when she finds the info on TheOtherWiki, she can't help but laughs as she finds the MagicalIncantation to the [[FantasticNuke Dragon Slave]]. She then uses the spell to blow up the Matou household after Archer rescues Sakura.
* CombinationAttack: Medea and Cú Chulainn combine their powers to use the [[{{Suikoden}} True Sun Rune]] on a horde of zombies.
* CrossOver: Half of the {{Nasuverse}} so far. [[spoiler:Also, [[Anime/PuellaMagiMadokaMagica Homura Akemi]] appears in the epilogue.]] WordOfGod says this is a prequel to her appearance in his other work, ''Lyrical Chronicles''.
* DeconstructionFic.
* [[DemotedToExtra Demoted To Not Appearing At All]]: Servant Assassin. [[spoiler:However, Assassin finally appears in the sequel]].
* [[DidYouJustFlipOffCthulhu Did You Just Flip Off Alaya?]]
--> '''Archer''': 'Fuck your bullshit, Gaia.'
* [[DiskOneFinalBoss Easy Mode Final Boss]]: Zouken.
--> According to WordOfGod: "Zouken was easy mode as a villain. I want to try to brush my dialogue for the harder ones."
* EquivalentExchange: Archer-Urobuchi's ability seems limited to exchanging artifacts with similar histories. He can trade up for more potent Noble Phantasms by offering his personal Noble Phantasm [[spoiler: The Jewel Sword Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg]].
* EvilTwin: The Einzberns send in a [[FateKaleidLinerPrismaIllya dark skinned version of Ilya]] as their representative of the Fifth Holy Grail War.
* ExplosiveOverclocking: How Shirou defeats Worm!Shinji. He flooded one of Kirutsugu's Origin Bullets with prana and shot Shinji with it. This caused [[MySkullRunnethOver Shinji's mind to experience more information than he could handle]] and nearly drove him insane. Shirou specifically compares it to a DDOS attack.
* ForWantOfANail: Archer-Urobuchi picks up the slack when Rin Tohsaka misplaces the gem stone that would serve as the catalyst to call Archer-Emiya.
* GoodCostumeSwitch: When Medusa-Rider becomes Medusa-[[FateEXTRA Saver]], she's wearing white.
* GuileHero: Taiga's grandfather [[BadassGrandpa Raiga]] [[CoolOldGuy Fujimura]]. When asked for help with the ZombieApocalypse he says that he can't take direct action because of the Tohno. After Taiga and company leave he fires 15 of his guards along with his assistant of 15 years. When the assistant asks about his severance pay Raiga tells him to help himself to anything in the armory and that Taiga is currently recruiting "workers."
* HappilyMarried: Kirutsugu and Taiga.
* HeroicSacrifice: Caster, Lancer, and Berserker during the final battle. (They may survive) [[spoiler: Archer and Shirou at the end.]]
* IdiosyncraticEpisodeNaming: All chapters except for the first and the last three are named after DungeonsAndDragons spells; specifically, Wizard or Sorcerer spells.
* InSpiteOfANail: Despite no fire, Avalon is inserted into Shirou [[spoiler:in order to keep him from being overwhelmed by the awakening of his magic circuits.]]
* {{Merlin}}: While hallucinating during his Reinforcement training, Shirou encounters Myrddin Emrys in the guise of a cute 12-year-old boy.
* MurderTheHypotenuse: Shinji orders Medusa-Rider to kill Shirou after Ilya dumps him. Too bad for him he didn't know that Shirou was a Master, and that Archer made use of Medusa for his own plans.
* NiceJobBreakingItHero: Kiritsugu sabotaged Fuyuki's ley lines to prevent the Grand Holy Grail from manifesting. Unfortunately, he neglected to tell anyone else he did. So when Archer enacted his plan to ascend Medusa and exorcise Zouken from Sakura, the damaged ley lines overloaded, causing the [[ApocalypseHow earthquake]] that nearly leveled Fuyuki and [[ZombieApocalypse unleashing Zouken's familiars]] into the populace.
* RousingSpeech: Shirou adapts the [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6wRkzCW5qI 40 Inspirational Speeches in 2 Minutes video]] to convince Kuro-Ilya to fight against Zouken's plot.
* [[spoiler:SealedEvilInADuel: Implied to be Shirou Urobuchi's fate in the epilogue.]]
--> '''[[spoiler:[[BadassBoast Shirou]]]]'''[[spoiler:[[BadassBoast : "All of Mankind's Evils...do you have enough trolls?"]]]]
* SetRightWhatOnceWentWrong: [[spoiler:Heroic Spirit UROBUCHI's goal, even though his original timeline would still exist. Apparently Fuyuki City was totally destroyed in the Fifth Holy Grail War, and Rin died at the hands of Zouken.]]
* SheIsAllGrownUp: Ilya has a teenage body in this storyline.
* ShoutOut: The other main ingredient besides RuleOfCool.
** The third chapter starts right out with Archer saying [[MyLittleSisterCantBeThisCute My little Master can't be this lame!"]]
** Archer demonstrating his Reality Marble to Rin has him adapting the [[Advertising/TheManYourManCouldSmellLike Isaiah Mustafa Old Spice commercials]].
** Shirou's family name is from Gen Urobuchi, the writer from {{Nitroplus}} responsible for FateZero.
** Shirou's father Ren often mutters something about [[Anime/PuellaMagiMadokaMagica heat death]] for some reason.
** Medusa-Rider stumbles upon a [[{{FLCL}} yellow Vespa]] in her search for a motorbike.
** While executing his plan to rescue Sakura, Archer uses [[Franchise/MetalGear the codename Snake and has a cardboard box with him]].
** ''[[MyImmortal What the hell are you doing, you motherfuckers?!]]'' Used twice.
** ''[[{{Queen}} Queen Sign: We will... we will... ROCK YOU!]]''
*** ''[[VideoGame/{{Touhou}} Hax Sign]]: [[Webcomic/TouhouNekokayou You Just Plain]] [[PrecisionFStrike Fucking]] [[Webcomic/TouhouNekokayou Lose]]''
** [[LeeroyJenkins “LEEEEEERRRROOOY JEEEEEEENNNKKKIINNS!”]]
** While defending his reasons for holding back on his Reality Marble, Archer-Urobuchi laments on how some of his friends would react. [[VideoGame/{{Touhou}} The Witch]] would flay him alive, [[Literature/{{Discworld}} The Librarian]] would sic the worms on him, and the last would [[Anime/ReadOrDie slice him to pieces with paper]].
** [[RanmaOneHalf "I'm...um...Shirou Urobuchi,"]] The white haired man nervously chuckled. He closed his eyes as he dipped his head. [[TheStationsOfTheCanon "Sorry about this?"]]
** To convince Saber to fight with him (and not stab him in the back), Shirou says that Saber shouldn't believe in Kititsugu, but to [[TengenToppaGurrenLagann "Believe in me that believes in Kiritsugu!"]] To emphasize the shout out, Shirou then copies what Simon said when he declared that he wasn't Kamina.
-->"Who the hell do you think I am? My name is Shirou Urobuchi!" His hands lashed out and grabbed onto the king's own, causing a spark to run up Arturia's hands. Only Irisviel had really been touchy with her during the Fourth War. "Not Kiritsugu Emiya! I'm me! Shirou the Wizard!"
** After shirou tells Caren about his life, Caren asks what answer Shirou got from it. His answer? [[Franchise/TheHitchhikersGuideToTheGalaxy Forty-]][[JustForFun/FortyTwo Two]]
** After Kuro-Iliya mentions to Miyu that her water magic hasn't developed enough to heal people, Miyu asks if Kuro-Iliya [[Manga/FullmetalAlchemist "ever thought of clapping and then slamming your palms into the gro-"]]
--> "Alchemy. Does. Not. Work. That. Way."
** "[[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} Drive me closer, I want to hit them with my sword!]]''
** In chapter 19, After Iskander leaves Waver in charge to make sure things run smoothly, Waver says "...well, I'll be over here trying to get us a [[BattleMoonWars Battle Mastery]]."
*** And in the Epilouge
--> [[VideoGame/SuperRobotWars "Super Servant Wars" stage – Battle Mastery attained!]]
*** It should be noted that ''VideoGame/BattleMoonWars'' is a fan-made Fate/Stay Night game, based on ''VideoGame/SuperRobotWars'', among other things, so this is a double reference.
** "[[Webcomic/{{Hiimdaisy}} And no one ate dinner that night]]."
* ShownTheirWork: The author gives appropriate nods throughout the FanFic to the Servants' respective legends, as well as [[WordOfGod Nasu's]] [[AllInTheManual data books]].
* SparedByTheAdaptation: Bazette is still alive, and still Lancer's master.
* ThisWasHisTrueForm: [[spoiler:Turns out Heroic Spirit UROBUCHI was using the Jeweled Sword of Zelretch in order to take the form of Counter Guardian EMIYA. When it became a Broken Phantasm due to the overflow of mana, he reverted to his natural form, and lost access to numerous abilities.]]
* TitleDrop: In the final chapter.
* WhatTheHellHero: [[spoiler: Rin's reaction to finding out Archer's backup plan is to use Medusa-Saver to purify the grail by killing her and letting her cancel out Angra Mainyu.]]
* [[MafiaPrincess Yakuza Princess]]: Taiga Fujimura-nee-Emiya
* ZombieApocalypse: The result of Zouken's familiars spreading across Fuyuki through the sewer system.
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