[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6047478/1/How_to_Hire_a_Ninja_Maid How To Hire a Ninja Maid]] is the brainchild of @/{{Liangnui}} and entirely too many seasons of ''{{Naruto}}''. Originally conceived more as a series of oneshots than as a coherent story, it's essentially designed to answer one question: "What would ''Anime/YuGiOh'' have been like if Mokuba had actually had a competent bodyguard?" Answer: A lot more surreal than it already was.

After Mokuba's been kidnapped one too many times, Seto decides that something has to change. So, using the suggestions of his recently-rescued younger brother (courtesy of Yugi, of course), Seto decides to get a new bodyguard with entirely different criteria. The candidate must be [[NinjaMaid strong, smart, experienced, and...willing to dress up as the family maid]]?

What follows is a madcap adventure more in line with what a universe running on card games and crack should really look like--otherwise known as a complete and utter farce. Join Mokuba ([[BigBrotherWorship the world's only dedicated Seto Kaiba fanboy]]), Seto (also known as the [[UnclePennybags richest]] [[TeenGenius sixteen-year-old]] [[HeelFaceTurn ex-psycho]] [[GadgeteerGenius supergenius]] ever), and their newest hires, the deadly ninja Sonozaki Kotone/[[spoiler:Akiko]] ([[TheStoic who has all the personality of a brick]]) and her sister Houjou Setsuna (the resident [[MadScientist crazy engineering]] [[ChildProdigy student]] and [[YaoiFangirl yaoi fangirl]]) on their journey to thwart kidnappers, ancient Egyptian laser beams, and the starfish-haired Chosen One himself.

Because to do otherwise would be boring.

The story is best described as {{Troperiffic}} at best and TropeOverdosed at worst. And strangely funny.

[[Characters/HowToHireANinjaMaid The cast list is here.]]

!!''How To Hire a Ninja Maid'' includes examples of:
* TheAce: Sonozaki. Or, she would be, since she seems capable of solving every problem with ease. The only problem is that she has functionally no personality of her own and everyone thinks she's the antichrist.
* BlackHumor: Mostly coming from Setsuna, but it's not considered a big deal when Jounouchi wonders about the legality of defenestrating Yami Malik. On the airship.
* TheCameo: Various.
** [[VideoGame/{{Prototype}} Alex Mercer]].
** [[VideoGame/InFamous Cole [=McGrath=]]].
** [[{{Slayers}} Naga]].
** [[VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII Cloud Strife]].
** [[CodeGeass Kururugi Suzaku]].
** [[SoulSeries Ivy Valentine]].
** [[TengenToppaGurrenLagann Kamina]].
** [[{{Naruto}} Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke]].
** [[StreetFighter Chun Li]].
** [[TalesOfMonkeyIsland Guybrush Threepwood]] (and his wife).
** [[Manga/FullmetalAlchemist Alex Louis Armstrong]].
** [[Franchise/EvilDead Ash Willaims]].
** [[{{Tekken}} Mishima Heihachi]].
* CerebusSyndrome: Around chapter four, little bits of comedy start bleeding away.
* ChandlersLaw: Spoofed.
* ChekhovsGun: Variously; Seto's brief shock, Kotone/[[spoiler: Akiko]] and Setsuna's matching accessories (even though they've never met before), Kaiba's secretary's phone call, the fact that both Yami and Sonozaki both see the other as a freak of nature, Hale's comments, the mention of contract magic, and so on.
* ChekhovsGunman: Hale and Setsuna, at different points in time.
* CloudCuckooLander: Setsuna can come off as one sometimes to the other characters, mostly because she thinks out loud so much--her sister also has her moments.
* ConflictKiller: Noah is treated as one by the characters. They'd much rather he didn't exist so they could get on with things.
* DeadpanSnarker: Everyone, really. Yami takes the cake, though.
* EnemyMine: Between Sonozaki and Yami Malik.
* {{Expy}}: Two.
** Sonozaki Kotone/[[spoiler: Akiko]]: [[VideoGame/{{Xenosaga}} KOS-MOS]].
** Houjou-Sonozaki Setsuna: [[RosarioToVampire Sendou Yukari and/or Shuzen Kokoa]].
* ExtremeDoormat: Sonozaki, up until chapter four.
* GadgeteerGenius: In addition to Seto, Setsuna is also a ludicrously skilled technical engineer. The only difference is that he specializes in electronics and she specializes in mechanics.
* HarmlessVillain: Hale.
* HeroicLineage: Lampshaded a bit and subverted. According to Setsuna, she is descended from a long line of demon-fighting warriors and holy men and women and has inherited exactly [[AuraVision one ability]]. Kotone/[[spoiler: Akiko]] is also descended from a family of [[HigurashiNoNakuKoroNi crime bosses]] and is almost [[CharlesAtlasSuperpower unbelievably strong]].
* HighlyVisibleNinja: Aside from the opening scene, Sonozaki never bothers with real camouflage.
* HyperCompetentSidekick: Sonozaki to Seto.
* KungFuWizard: The nearest trope to what Sonozaki usually acts as.
* ImprovisedWeapon: Mokuba, Watanabe, and Sonozaki take out a special ops squad using the contents of the Kaiba mansion's kitchen.
* LemonyNarrator: Doesn't seem to be particularly fond of any of the characters.
* MagiBabble: Do not get the maid started on the technical aspects of magic or different systems thereof.
* MoodSwinger: Setsuna, which explains why she seems to have so many mutually contradictory tropes to her name.
* MysteriousPast: What, exactly, is up with Kotone/[[spoiler:Akiko]]?
* NinjaMaid: Duh.
* NoodleImplements: In Mokuba's occasional prank wars against staff, he has variously used lubricant, chicken feathers, and household vegetables.
* NoodleIncident: Whatever ''did'' happen to Hideyoshi?
* OnlySaneMan: Split between Mokuba and Setsuna.
* {{Otaku}}: Mokuba. The ninja maid thing was his idea.
* RedEyesTakeWarning: One of the things in-universe that creeps people out. Naturally, both Kotone/[[spoiler: Akiko]] and Setsuna have them. Yami also seems to, but it's not commented on as much as his sheer threat level is.
* ShoutOut: To pretty much everything.
** [[MagicalGirlLyricalNanoha Starlight Breaker]].
** [[HigurashiNoNakuKoroNi The Sonozaki sisters]] (or rather, one Sonozaki and one Houjou-Sonozaki).
** Dr. Taylor Hale, from the ''VideoGame/{{Prototype}}''/''Franchise/ResidentEvil'' fanfic by Dark Gidora.
** [[Franchise/{{Pokemon}} Digletts]].
** [[WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries Ancient Egyptian Laser Beams!]]
* SpannerInTheWorks: Sonozaki to Malik and Setsuna to Hale. At least once, Malik to Hale as well.
* TheStoic: Seto and Kotone/[[spoiler:Akiko]].
* SurroundedByIdiots: Hale thinks so, anyway.
* TeenGenius: Seto and Setsuna.
* ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill: Sonozaki to the Ghouls. In one shot, Malik's original private army was gone.
* ThirdLineSomeWaiting: There are three plots going on at any one time--Seto and Mokuba versus the canonical plot of ''Anime/YuGiOh'', Sonozaki and her mysterious past (and Setsuna), and finally Hale's plots to kidnap and ransom Mokuba.
* UncannyFamilyResemblance: Kotone/[[spoiler: Akiko]] and her younger sister, Setsuna. They have the same face.
* WiseBeyondTheirYears: Setsuna.
* YouGottaHaveBlueHair: In addition to the ''Anime/YuGiOh'' casts' original hair eccentricity, the resident ninja has blue hair and her sister has green.
* YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe: Setsuna's reaction to nearly everything in the story.