->''"A gah-lah bala to you too, laddie."''

''[[http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/Scotsman/ A Scotsman In Egypt]]'' is an ''epic'' LetsPlay of ''[[VideoGame/MedievalIITotalWar Medieval II: Total War]]'' written by SomethingAwful forum member Jerusalem, and according to the [[http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/ Let's Play Archive]] it "sets the gold standard for narrative [=LPs.=]"

The year is 1080. Europe is slowly emerging from the grip of the Dark Ages, but two Scottish princes are only just emerging from the grips of their hangovers. Edward and Edmund Canmore have awoken to find themselves leading an army to Egypt in an act of drunken daring, and follow through on the idea, seizing the city of Alexandria, waging war on the armies of Egypt, and setting the stage to rewrite history, one angry, drunken, kilt-wearing brawl at a time.

The story of ''A Scotsman in Egypt'' covers nearly two centuries of war and intrigue surrounding the Canmore clan (Starting with Edward and Edmund, but then moving to their sons Domnall, Nectan, and Aodh, and ending with Adam Canmore's son Kirk and Aodh's daughter Joan Canmore) as they fight their way across Europe, Africa, and the Middle East, using guile, trickery, assassins, massive armies, copious amounts of alcohol and sheer Scottish stubbornness to forge the mightiest empire in history, while defeating the ambitions of rival empires, intrigue within their own ranks, and the invading hordes of the Mongols and Timurids.

Also has a prequel, in the form of ''[[http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/Egyptian/ An Egyptian In Scotland]]'', a ''Rome: Total Realism'' LP that tells how [[spoiler: the Ptolemic Empire were the ancestors of the Scots in ''A Scotsman In Egypt'', and how Edward and Edmund were fulfilling the ancient promise that the Ptolemics would return.]]

----

!!'''Tropes for''' '''''A Scotsman In Egypt''''':

* AbusiveParents: Hew Mar's father evidently never thought much of his son.
* ActuallyPrettyFunny: Several soldiers take jibes directed at them in good humor, one laughing louder than the rest of the army... before booting the speaker up the arse.
* AFatherToHisMen: King Edward. The reigning Scots in general try to impress this on their potential heirs.
* AlternateHistory: While the most obvious part is how two drunken Scots rewrote history by storming Alexandria, ''An Egyptian In Scotland'' posits that [[spoiler: the Scots are actually descendants of the Ptolemic Empire, displaced by war and forced to settle in Britain,]] which helps to explain [[spoiler: the Canmore crest inside Egypt's pyramids.]]
** Then there's the alternate timeline beginning with [[spoiler:Domnall Canmore's death at the hands of Istok, the slow self-destruction of the Scottish Empire and the plague that nearly finishes it off in time for the Timurids to finish the job. Too bad it was an ''extremly'' long-planned gambit oon the Scots' part.]]
* AnAesop: played with in-story:
-->''"Have ye worked out the point of the tale I told ye yet, mighty Warlord? Even when it seems impossible.... Scotland always overcomes."''
* AndTheAdventureContinues: The story ends [[spoiler:with Kirk Canmore starting a conquest of the Aztecs]].
* ArcWords: "Domnall is [[FunetikAksent nae]] Edward Canmore."
* ArtifactTitle: The conquering campaign of Egypt is is the beginning of the Scottish Empire, but it doesn't really have that much bearing on the later parts of the story. Also, technically speaking, it's ''two'' Scotsmen in Egypt.
* AcousticLicense: Boasts and speeches are often audible to the entire army no matter how far away the are, as are orders given in very noisy condinitons.
* AristocratsAreEvil: Zigzagged, with people like Duke Puccio and Angus the Mauler falling on the evil side but most others averting it.
* ArtisticLicenseGeography: One character mentions wanting to remain in Toulouse due to it being near the sea. In RealLife, Toulouse is hundreds of kilometers away from sea or ocean.
* ArrowsOnFire: The Scots use them to great effect, especially when unshielded rams and siege towers are involved.
* AssInAmbassador: Gordon of Edinburgh is short-tempered, arrogant, and religiously intolerant.
* AndZoidberg:
--> The Scottish stretched out through the night outside the walls of Novgorod, 1378 strong.\\
\\
And 40 Mongols.
* AxeCrazy: People who stay around Angus the Mauler see him as this.
* BabiesMakeEverythingBetter: In [[spoiler:Adam Canmore's]] case they do. The birth of a male heir gets him to love his wife, dump his mistress and be a better man.
* {{Badass}}: [[WorldOfBadass Pretty much every Scot is one]], but Angus the Mauler takes the cake. [[spoiler:"ELEPHAAAANTS!"]]
* BadassArmy: The Scottish, who [[CurbStompBattle utterly curb-stomp]] many of the foes they go to battle with, though part of this is down to the competence of the [=LPer=] and AI, or lack thereof in the AI's case. The Milanese are this in their first fight with the Scottish, but become pushovers afterwards.
* BadassBoast:
** The Scots have an endless supply of foul-mouthed taunts detailing the gruesome ends of their enemies. Sometimes, their enemies even have a counter to them.
** When the Sicilians lay siege to Cairo, Edward, Edmund, and Nectan Canmore roll out a series of increasingly insulting tunts, until Edward finally gets pissed off that the Sicilians are still around, at which point:
-->''"ENOUGH! YE ARE STILL HERE? THEN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! TOMORROW I LED MY MEN OUT OF THE WALLS INTO YE MIDST! I WILL RIDE THROUGH YE AS IF YE WERE WATER! I WILL CUT YE DOWN AS IF YE WERE WHEAT AND I A SCYTHE! I WILL BRING DEATH AND HELL WITH ME, MY BROTHER AND NEPHEW AT MY SIDE, MY MEN BEHIND ME, SCOTLAND WILL RIDE OVER YE AND YE'LL DIE! AYE, AND THEN YE'LL RUN, AND I WILL CHASE YE, AND EVEN IF YE FLED OVER THE OCEANS I WOULD COME FOR YE, AND YE'D HIDE BEHIND YE WALLS AND I WILL STILL COME, AND KILL YE, YE WIVES, YE CHILDREN, YE ANIMALS, AND I'D TEAR DOWN YE HOMES, AND BURN THE TREES AND GRASS AND SALT THE EARTH, AND STILL MY FURY WILL NAE BE QUENCHED! YE WILL HAVE UNLEASHED DEATH ON YE AND EVERYTHING YE LOVE, AND THE FAULT WILL BE ALL YE OWN!"''
-->''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis "NOW. GET. OUT. OF. MY. EMPIRE!"]]''
* BadassGrandpa: Edward. [[spoiler:He manages to defeat Subatai in single combat. He's pushing seventy, and Subatai is only twenty-six]].
* BashBrothers: Angus and Hew Mar, by the end.
* BatmanGambit: [[spoiler:Aohd's final gambit is to keep Kirk, Angus and a few others cooped up in Russia, specifically forbidding them to go to war to expand Scotland's borders until they get fed up and go anyway, discovering and dominating a foreign civilization (the Aztecs), just like Edward and Edmund did.]]
* BattleDiscretionShot: Unlike every other battle resulting in the death of a general, [[spoiler:Prince Alexander's]] death in battle is represented by a series of increasingly darkened screenshots, the last one being completely black. Nor does he get the usual "A Noble Death" message telling you of a general's death.
** [[spoiler:Domnall]] gets one too... or so it seems.
* BattleInTheRain: The start of the showdown between the Scottish and Timurid armies.
* BecauseYouWereNiceToMe: Inverted, Angus the Mauler specifically sends for a commander he used to bully as a child specifically because he'd stood up to him (read: kicked him in the balls).
* TheBerserker: Both Edward and Domnall have elements of this.
** Angus the Mauler is definitely this.
* BestServedCold: Nevin of Shetland, a nobleman's bastard, gets his revenge on the legitimate half-brother who lived the life he'd always wanted by arranging his marriage to a complete bitch.
* BilingualBonus: One short sequence, set in Rome, has the characters speak entirely in Latin.
* BlackScreenOfDeath: Deaths in battle are represented by the character surrounded by enemies and slowly fading to black, ending on a completely black screen.
* BloodKnight: [[NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast Angus the Mauler.]]
* BoisterousBruiser: The classic Scottish [[PlanetOfHats hat]], well-worn from beginning to end.
* BondOneLiner:
** Frequently. [[spoiler:When Duncan Colison kills Farquar, he pulls a Prototype Handgun out. Farquar goes "And what in the devil is that, then?" before Colison shoots him.]]
-->'''Colison:''' [[spoiler:(smiling) That? That, my friend, is progress.]]
** The death of [[spoiler:Duke Puccio. "Milan surrenders." (Domnall cuts his head off.) "Scotland accepts."]]
* BookEnds: The story opens with Edward and Edmund piss-drunk, cursing their father, and leading an army on a drunken lark to conquer Egypt. The story ends with [[spoiler: Kirk Canmore, Angus the Mauler, Edward of Shetland, and Edmund Besat getting piss-drunk, cursing Aodh Canmore, and leading an army on a drunken lark to America.]]
* BritishTeeth: Angus is noted as having horrible dental hygiene, not helped by his combative lifestyle.
* TheCaligula: King Nene the Lewd, last king of Sicily, definitely qualifies. After being unexpectedly ascended to king, he becomes apathetic and delusional. His behavior ruins his country. He indulges in all forms of debauchery, sleeps entire days away, and starts having trouble telling the difference between dreams and reality. He also becomes incredibly paranoid, believing that Venice is plotting against him, having anyone who says otherwise executed as a spy. His campaign against Venice is an utter joke, and results in him losing his African and island holdings to Spain and Scotland. Nene's strategy comes more from astrologers than generals. After he gets lynched by Venetian soldiers, Sicily is finally put out of its misery, and its pieces end up absorbed by Spain, Venice, and Scotland.
** Averted by Domnall, who acquires the same epithet in good-humored jest.
* CainAndAbel: Alexander and David are perfectly fine with the idea of offing their wayward brothers... but the opportunity never arises.
* ChurchMilitant: Early chapters see a lot of Religious Fanatics being used, showing zeal that would do the [[Warhammer40K Imperium of Man]] proud.
* CombatByChampion:
** King Istok of Hungary challenges King Domnall of Scotland to this, after [[spoiler:the Scottish annex the Papal States]].
** Harry the Merciless, last king of England, tries to stave off the Scottish horde storming his city by telling them they're being thrown away in battle by their rulers, that they don't need to shed each others' blood, and then challenging Hew Mar, the general of the Scottish force, to combat by champion. [[spoiler: One Scotsman replies by telling him that he's ''English'', which is all the reason a Scotsman needs to kill him, and then lops off his head with a claymore.]]
* CruelMercy: King Domnall [[spoiler:lets Doge Tusco live... as the leader of a tiny, broken Venice reduced to him, his horse, and his bodyguards]]. And even then he promises him safety while on Scottish territory [[spoiler: with an assassin pushing them over the Hungarian border]].
* CurbStompBattle: You'd be amazed how often this happens. Usually with someone who isn't Scotland on the receiving end.
* DeadpanSnarker: Edmund.
** Duke Puccio as well.
* DecapitationPresentation: When Edward [[spoiler: kills the leader of the Mongols]] he presents the man's head, and then chucks it aside, calling it "shit."
* DefeatMeansFriendship: Angus the Mauler. Being punched in the face by Domnall makes him want to follow the man even through the gates of Hell.
** He and Hew Mar only get along after Angus hits him with a chair leg... and Hew, [[RunningGag following his father's advice]], retaliates with a chair.
* DeliberateValuesDissonance: See DoWrongRight. A city guard is perfectly willing to excuse [[spoiler:a noble dragging a whore's body, as it's not the first time a man has gotten carried away with a whore.]]
* DepravedHomosexual: Duke Puccio of Milan. He even says LieBackAndThinkOfEngland to a handsome English ambassador.
* {{Determinator}}:
** The [[PlanetOfHats hat]] of the Scots.
** The Russians as well, as shown in their first battle with Angus the Mauler's troops.
* DisasterDominoes: For Spain, starting with [[spoiler: Nevin of Shetland's infiltration of Zaragoza]] and ending with [[spoiler: King Mallobo giving himself a heart attack from paranoia that a Scottish assassin is in the room. There ''is'', but he dies just before he finds him]].
* DownerEnding: [[spoiler: Domnall is slain by King Istok, Scotland suffers under the ravages of the Black Death, Poland, Hungary, and Portugal take chunks out of Scottish territory, and the Timurids invade.]] Man, that's ''depressing''. [[spoiler: [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome And then subverted, because it's all a massive]] BatmanGambit [[CrowningMomentOfAwesome to get the Timurids to walk into an ambush involving 15,000 Scots]].]]
* DoWrongRight: A city guard stops [[spoiler:Robert the Younger]] as he's dragging the body of [[spoiler:Cassandra]] to dispose of it... and tells him he's headed the wrong way, he wants to dump her in the river, not the city walls, and even helps him carry the corpse, no questions asked.
* TheDreaded: They call Domnall "The Merciless" for a ''reason.''
* DreamingOfThingsToCome: Aodh experiences prophetic dreams. Partially justified, in meta terms, as the LP itself shows Aodh picking up this character trait on his unit card.
* DrillSergeanNasty: Angus the Mauler becomes this when training officers.
* TheEmpire: Scotland.
* EpicFail: Byzantine soldiers manage to commandeer a bombard, get in a lucky shot, reload and fire at the charging Scots now in point-blank range... and miss.
* EyeScream: [[spoiler:Jebe the Tyrant]] takes a flaming arrow to the eye.
* [[FacingTheBulletsOneLiner Facing The Swords One Liner]]: A Scottish general gets one at Nicea, "BASTARDS! COME AND TAKE ME THEN! I'LL HAVE A PITCHFORK WAITING FOR YE ARSE IN HELL!"
* FrontlineGeneral: The Scottish generals hold themselves to this standard. It results iin more casualties among their leaders, but is excellent for morale.
* FunetikAksent: The Scots, of course. The Mongols pronounce the name as Skot-tish.
** AngusTheMauler, BookDumb brute that he is, writes like this.
* GameBreaker: the Scot's Highlanders are pretty much unstoppable. Later on they get [[[spoiler:bombards and a hwacha]], and are ''even more'' unstoppable.
* GameplayAndStorySegregation: In a way. What the occasional character sheet screenshots show sometimes seems to contradict what happened in-story. There's the fact that the story starts in 1080, with Edward and Edmund in their mid-twenties. They're still around to fight in the Mongol Invasions, which begin in ''1220''. [[note]]This latter part can be attributed to the odd way aging and the passage of time is handled in ''Medieval II'', where characters only age one year every other turn, and every turn involves ''two'' years passing. Thus, a character whose age is listed as forty would have been born a hundred and sixty years earlier in game-time.[[/note]]
** GameplayAndStoryIntegration: The character traits given in-game are built upon in the dialogue, as are random events (the pope recalling an excommunication against Scotland after a diplomat delivers an ''enormous'' bag of money to the pope in person, assassins getting to look absolutely badass instead of merely reporting success).
* GenderBlenderName: Averted: although two male characters are named Maria, it ''can'' be used as a male name.
* GrayAndGreyMorality: Though the Scots have the sympathetic viewpoint and generally are heroes, at the same time the enemies they're fighting against get their own sympathetic moments as well, and in the case of the Scottish war on the Danes, the Scots actually come off as the villains. The Scots themselves are also pretty merciless, and in some cases commit shockingly brutal acts - usually against enemies like the Mongols or Timurids.
* GunsAreWorthless: One army uses handgunners, but the Scots simply wait in a dip where the guns can't reach and fire arrows.
** Averted with the assassins' guns, which prove to be the undoing of [[spoiler: Farquar the Killer.]]
* HeartbrokenBadass: Edward and Domnall Canmore do not angst much. But when they do angst - usually when a close family member dies - they angst ''hard,'' usually locking themselves in the royal chambers for days or weeks.
* HeirClubForMen: The royal line adopts more sons than they actually sire, and while the throne always goes to a Canmore, the rulers themselves never have sons.
* HistoricalHeroUpgrade / HistoricalVillainUpgrade: Malcolm III was an actual king of Scotland, and had sons by the name of [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malcolm_III_of_Scotland#Issue Edward, Edmund, Alexander and David]].
* HoldTheLine:
** The Scottish troops under Gawain, fighting the Mongol hordes using a combination of pikes, archers, catapaults, and a narrow bridge to trap them in a meatgrinder. Later followed up by King Edward and Edmund Canmore doing the same thing to destroy an even larger Mongol army.
** Later, the Hungarians try to pull this same trick on the Scots. It fails, ''hard.''
* TheHorde: The Mongols, of course.
** The Scots themselves often come across as this to their enemies. Timurids invading with 9000 men? [[spoiler: The Scots bring ''15000''.]]
* HuskyRusskie: The people of Russia are known for their toughness, [[spoiler:as the Scots find out the hard way]].
* IDidWhatIHadToDo:
** Nevin of Shetland, while on a mission for the Scottish crown, fell ill of plague and was cared for by a friendly farmer and her family. [[spoiler: He finds out that while delirious from the plague, he spoke secrets that the family overheard, and subsequently had to kill them all.]] Naturally, he is deeply wracked by guilt as a result of this.
** There's also [[spoiler:Aodh forging the documents necessary to start a war with Denmark, just because he felt Domnall was losing respect. Thousands of innocent soldiers die, and their King commits suicide as a last-ditch effort to end the war, which ''doesn't work''.]]
* InadequateInheritor: ''Everyone'' thinks this of Domnall, including Domnall.
** PlayedForDrama ''much'' later, when King Istok of Hungary starts a war with Scotland, taking it as a personal insult that Edward had died before Istok could serve under him and been replaced by Domnall.
* InstantMessengerPigeon: A few show up to move the plot along, but the most painful case would have to be James Bunnock receiving and sending messages using the ''same bird''.
* ImpededMessenger: Several messengers get delayed over the course of the series, including a few who "lose" their messages in a campfire. This becomes a plot point later on when Aodh reveals to Domnall that Denmark had delayed a number of Papal messengers, which delayed a warning of impending excommunication, triggering a RoaringRampageOfRevenge by Domnall against Denmark.
* ImpossibleThief: The Scottish spies in general, but Eoin Makartane takes the cake, managing to escape from a sealed, windowless room after the guards watched him walk in there and locked it behind him, and then managed to snatch Aodh Canmore's personal orders to him from his locked office without the guards ever seeing him or even unlocking the door. Of course, [[spoiler:given that the whole thing may have been a setup...]]
* IncendiaryExponent: [[spoiler:''"ELEPHAAAANTS!"'']]
* InsultToRocks: "Castle Caernarvon can be easily defended by six sheep and a simpleton... and the English might even be able to do it too."
* IShallTauntYou: King Istok of Hungary uses this against Domnall. [[spoiler:It doesn't work against Domnall, though it hacks off his officers rather well.]]
* {{Jerkass}}: The Scots seem like this at times. The entire plot is kicked off when they attack a city that was perfectly peaceful towards them for no other reason than they wanted to prove themselves.
* KickedUpstairs: The ultimate fate of [[spoiler:the Papacy]], thanks to Aodh's scheming.
* KilledMidSentence:
** [[spoiler:Prince Gawain]]
** Almost every villain
* KissingCousins: Aed Canmore marries his cousin Muriel. It causes a bit of a stir, but in fact, they're only related due to the vast family that the Canmore Clan has become through political marriages and adoptions, so not even by blood. And they end up HappilyMarried.
* KlingonPromotion: Assassins apparently follow this logic, [[spoiler:as Duncan Colison replaces Farkar as the Scots' best assassin.]]
* LastStand: The siege of Rennes for the Scottish, and Antwerp for the English.
* LeeroyJenkins: Edward and Edmund [[BatmanGambit take advantage of the Mongol leaders' tendency to do this]]. They confront the Mongols at a bridge that had been carefully prepared as a killzone, and the Mongol leaders' vicious pride and rage caused them to lead a charge straight across into the Scottish pikes, archers, and catapaults.
* LetUsNeverSpeakOfThisAgain: The Scottish survivors of the farcical disaster of Nicae, which featured a lot of confusion, generals charging to the front by mistake, archers refusing to advance because they're out of arrows, their bombard being turned against them then missing at point-blank range, ending with both their generals dead and a grand total of ten living Scotsmen, agree to this.
* TheLoinsSleepTonight: Alexander and Adam are believed to be impotent, but each eventually manages to sire an heir.
* LowFantasy: Though the majority of the story is set in a fairly realistic medieval world, the presence of Aodh's prophetic visions and the fortune teller in Egypt who manages to perfectly recite, word for word, the plot of a group of conspirators who had planned to assassinate Edward and Edmund decades earlier indicates some low-key supernatural elements.
* ManBitesMan: Angus the Mauler kills Voislav Miloslavov by biting his throat out.
* MasterActor: Gille Calline the Balleol
* MeaningfulName: ''Everyone'' is afraid of Fearghus Campbell.
* MoralDissonance: Justified and repeatedly lampshaded. A lot of time is spent explaining how Aodh reconciles his religious piety and love for his family with [[spoiler:being Scotland's third Spymaster.]]
* MotherRussiaMakesYouStrong: The Russian troops are incredibly tough. [[spoiler:During the Scottish campaign against Novgorod, they find out that the Russians can shrug off wounds that would normally be fatal. Too bad Angus is stronger.]]
* NoArcInArchery: Averted in one battle where the Scots wait in a slight depression so the enemy's handguns can't hit, and use arrows to shoot over the hill.
* NonActionGuy: Prince David is a sickly man who fears the sight of blood. [[spoiler:When he suffers a fatal HeroicBSOD for it, one commander stabs his corpse so it can be claimed he died fighting.]]
* NonIndicativeName: Hilariously, Princess Deredere is apparently a total shrew ([[{{Tsundere}} go see what it means in Japanese]]).
* TheNotSoHarmlessPunishment: Nevin "punishes" his half brother Rory by having him married to Princess Deredere. This may not seem like much of a punishment, except for the fact that Deredere is a total shrew.
* OhCrap: A common response when the Scots show up to kick someone's ass.
-->"Are they wearing.... kilts?" asked Knud in disbelief,"The Scottish are here?"
-->"The Scottish are here," nodded the man beside him,"You know what this means, Captain?"
-->"Oh yes," nodded Knud grimly,"We're fucked, aren't we?"
* OldSoldier: Rory and Angus become two of these after a while.
* [[OneWorldOrder One World SCOTTISH Order]]: The end goal of the Scottish throughout the story.
* OneSteveLimit: Averted (there are like half a dozen Anguses running around in this story) and PlayedForLaughs at one point, where a captain calls out his Second's name to warn him as he is about to be stabbed by an enemy, who is then distracted as it turns out he and the Second are both named Donald. Then they have a short conversation before going back to killing each other.
* UsefulNotes/ThePope: A number of popes play major roles in the story.
* ProfessionalKiller: The various assassins commanded by the Scots.
* ProtagonistCenteredMorality: Some ''very'' morally questionable actions are justified by the Scots as being directed against non-Scots.
* RealityEnsues: In [[http://lparchive.org/LetsPlay/Scotsman/chapter52.html Chap 52,]] [[spoiler:Cassandra, Robert the Elder of Edinburgh's former mistress, tries to talk Robert the Younger into murdering Adam Canmore's family and friend, by blackmailing Robert Senior's memory. He stares at her for a second before hysterically choking her to death with his bare hands.]]
* ReassignedToAntarctica: A particularly arrogant and annoying Scottish diplomat ends up being assigned to the ass-end of nowhere on the west coast of Africa.
* RedOniBlueOni:
** Edward and Edmund Canmore, respectively, setting up a great dynamic between the two brothers.
** Domnall and Aodh Canmore. The former is the aggressive, brutal warrior, while the latter is the calculating [[TheChessmaster chessmaster]].
** Angus the Mauler and Hew Mar as well.
** Among the Scottish diplomats, Gordon of Edinburgh and Gille Calline the Balleol, respectively.
* TheRemnant: One chapter features a large battle between Scottish troops and a force of former English soldiers united under an English general, many years after England itself was formally destroyed.
* RisingEmpire: Scotland
* RoaringRampageOfRevenge: Domnall Canmore engages in one of these against [[spoiler: the Danes]], and by association, [[spoiler: Venice for aiding the Danes.]] And [[spoiler: Milan.]] And [[spoiler: Sicily.]] And [[spoiler: Spain.]] In short, you go to war with Scotland, Scotland kicks your ass.
* RousingSpeech: Most Scottish generals start the battle with one which boils down to "Let's get them, lads!". Angus the Mauler doesn't bother, since he only cares about getting to the enemy first (and there's a thunderstorm anyway).
* RunningGag:
** Domnall is nae Edward Canmore.
** Also Hew Mar always quoting the...questionable advice of his father at every oppurtunity. Played with when falling back to his father's advice [[spoiler: supposedly]] ends up getting him captured ("Fuck you, father!") and later he realizes in the FinalBattle that the only thing he doesn't have advice from his father to fall back on is fighting elephants ("HOW THE HELL DO YOU FIGHT ELEPHANTS!?! YE NAE TOLD ME THAT, FATHER!")
** "A gah-lah bala to you too, laddie."
** "Like, like a boat!"
* ScrewTheRulesIHaveMoney: When a Pope hostile to Scotland gets elected, the Scots buy his favor. Literally. With a giant sack of florins.
* ShutUpHannibal: [[spoiler:The last king of England tries to convince the Scots that their king thinks of them as disposable, and they should rebel. They say "You're English. That's all we need to know to kill you."]]
* SmugSnake: Duke Puccio of Milan.
** Cassandra also qualifies.
* SophisticatedAsHell: Most of the Scots, but Edward is king of this.
-->''Edward stared wide-eyed at his men, of such a number that they stretched the entire length of Jerusalem's city wall. He felt euphoria now before the battle that he usually only felt at its climax, which he put down to being the infectious religious euphoria of the bulk of his new troops. They were itching with excitement, eager to kill heathens, and his original Scottish troops seemed to be getting caught up in the religious fervor too, and Edward knew he had to be careful to ignite that smoldering flame with just the right words. He lifted his sword high, and felt the hairs on the back of his head raise up as the entire force suddenly went quiet, waiting to hear him speak.''
-->''"Okay lads!" he roared,"Let's get the bastards!"''
* TheSpymaster: Fearghus Campbell.
* StarterVillain: Egypt
* StealthHiBye: The stock in trade of Scotland's spies and assassins.
* AStormIsComing: At one point, a huge storm sweeps across the Atlantic. This foreshadows [[spoiler:King Mallobo's campaign against the Scottish Empire]].
* SuperweaponSurprise: a minor version: the Mongols were ''not'' expecting the Scots to use [[spoiler:bombards]], nor were the Russians expecting themto use a [[spoiler:hwacha from a mercenary mongol unit.]]
* TalkativeLoon: Prince Augustine, the last prince of England, is "quite mad."
* ThanatosGambit: Fearghus Campbell manages to [[spoiler: assassinate the Milanese spymaster]] after he dies this way. He knows the man will become bolder and more aggressive after Campbell dies, so he [[spoiler: set up an assassin as an informant for the Milanese, and once said assassin got in his good graces he killed him.]] The best part is that Campbell [[spoiler: actually sent the enemy spymaster a letter telling him he was never as good as he thought he was]] as [[MagnificentBastard the signal to kill him]].
* TheReasonYouSuckSpeech: King Istok gives one to Domnall Canmore after [[spoiler:the Papal States become a ''de facto'' vassal of Scotland]].
** Aodh Canmore gives one to a Papal Inquisitor who [[spoiler:put him on trial inside an Egyptian pyramid where he had just buried his brother Nectan]].
* ThoseTwoGuys:
** Hew Mar and Angus the Mauler. King Istok even refers to them as Domnall's lap dog and his hound dog, respectively.
** Earlier in the story, Rory and Angus, who are cousins in King Edward's army.
* ThrowingYourSwordAlwaysWorks: [[spoiler:Gawain]] dies when the enemy general throws his sword into his neck.
* TranquilFury: Domnall displays a terrifying example of this in his dealings with Councilor Tusco.
* TrustPassword: "I am Scotland's greatest friend and servant".
* UnreliableNarrator: [[spoiler:James Bunnok]], as well as the main narrator.
* UnstoppableRage: Micheil flies into one during the Battle of Nicea, after [[spoiler:Dougall]] is killed. [[spoiler:This turns into a subversion, as it gets him killed as well.]]
* ThatManIsDead:
-> He watched the death of [[spoiler:Domnall Canmore.]] And he watched the birth of King [[spoiler:Domnall, true heir of Edward Canmore.]]
* TheUsualAdversaries: The ''Scottish'' earn this reputation throughout Europe. To the Scottish, the Timurids and Mongols best manage this.
* VillainousBreakdown: Quite a few examples. Aradai, a rather brutal Mongol general, has a pretty spectacular one when the Scots defeat his army in open desert, after [[HumiliationConga a series of]] [[CurbStompBattle crushing defeats]] which led to the deaths of most of the Mongol horde. He devolves into a screaming animal and begins ''slaughtering his own men''.
* VictoryIsBoring: Midway through the story, Scotland has defeated everyone who challenged them, and Domnall starts to relax. His authority begins to erode as a result, with the world in general and the citizens of Scotland in particular viewing him as less of a powerful ruler and more of an eccentric king. [[spoiler: Aodh arranges for the war with Denmark to break this.]]
* ViolationOfCommonSense: Angus decides to invade Russia in the winter. With less than 500 men.
* WellDoneSonGuy: Edward. The entire story starts with him trying to impress his father by conquering Egypt, and his brothers are able to manipulate him by forging a letter where Malcolm admits his mistakes (not that it matters much).
* WhamEpisode: A double whammy with the death of [[spoiler:Domnall Canmore, which is later revealed to have been faked to allow the destruction of the invading Timurids.]]
** Given Scotland's long string of CurbstompBattle after CurbstompBattle, the death of any named character becomes this.
* WorldOfHam: What with the BadassBoasts and roaring enthusiam of the Scottish and their enemies, this is hardly surprising.
* WorthyOpponent: Thomas Weste, a very skilled English cavalry general who managed to keep his master's fragmenting empire together as the Scots endeavored to rip it apart, simultaneously holding off the full brunt of the entire Holy Roman Empire and Scottish Armies. Eventually, he was killed when his short-tempered King forced him to defend an indefensible position, with even the Scotsmen who defeated him noting his great skill and chivalry after his death.
** Averted with Chaghatai Khan. When Edward Khanmore first rides out against the Mongols, he asks which of them is Genghis Khan. On learning Genghis is dead, he insults and turns his back on them.
** When hunting down Khanzadai Kublai's remaining troops, the Scottish commander is disgusted that they outnumber the Mongols more than ten to one. So when they capture Kublai, he gives him a sword and lets him die in a quick duel. Kublai thanks him as he falls... As does Aed, for now his men have seen that he's a capable warrior.
* YourApprovalFillsMeWithShame: Averted. After Aodh [[spoiler:slowly kills the Timurid khan by breaking all his bones and stuffing snow into his mouth]], he stands up and glares at all his generals, daring them to challenge him. None do, only turning various shades of green... except of course for Angus, who admires Aodh as much as he did [[spoiler:Domnall]].
* ZergRush:
** A common Scottish tactic when dealing with higher-quality enemy troops is to throw hordes of angry Scotsmen at them. Most notable during the war with Spain, where a small force of elite Spanish knights goes up against a massive force of Scottish militia and gets buried under their numbers. Also notable in the post-battle casualty reports; the Scots usually lose equal or greater numbers of men than their enemies, but they have plenty more where they came from. Also acknowledged in-story, where one Scotsman notes that the only thing Scots do better than fighting is making ''more'' Scotsmen.
** When the Spanish king and his generals are discussing how to defeat Scotland, Mallabo points out that the Scots ''always'' move their armies in large numbers specifically to dominate the enemy in terms of manpower.

!!'''Tropes for''' '''''An Egyptian In Scotland''''':

* AlternateHistory: Of course!
* [[AncestralWeapon Ancestral Armour]]: [[spoiler:Philopater Ptolemy offers expertly crafted armour made before the fall of Egypt in return for the head of Ivomagus]].
* AncientGrome: On account of the game being played with the famous [[GameMod Europa Barbarorum]] mod, the Egyptians look like this. Note that this is more historically accurate than the vanilla depiction.
* AwesomeMomentOfCrowning: [[spoiler:Heruben is named "King of Britannia"]].
* {{Badass}}: Just like the Scots, the Ptolemy's have their fair share.
** Heruben, after he takes a level in badass.
** Khu Eng The Deceiving. The most badass spy the Egyptians have.
* BadassArmy: The Ptolemics. They initially struggle against the native Britons in unfamiliar territory, only winning by the skin of their teeth due to clever tactics, but [[TookALevelInBadass they slowly grow out of it]]. In their first real battle against the Brits, they absolutely ''slaughter'' them.
* BadassBoast:
-->'''Heruben''': We've told them to submit. We've told them that if our armies entered their lands, the consequences would be dire for them. Have they any response to that?
-->'''Messenger''': Their written response was one word, my lord: "If".
* [[spoiler:BittersweetEnding]]: [[spoiler:The Ptolemics secure the entire British isles as their new kingdom, but King Heruben is killed in the final battle with Vortigern. The Ptolemy name is eventually lost to history, but the bloodline survives and spreads throughout Britain. A millennia later, the descendants of the Ptolemy return to their ancestral homeland... with a vengeance]].
-->'''Narration''': [[spoiler:Before leaving the sands of Egypt, Heruben Ptolemy had uttered the words "we will return". Fourteen centuries later, his oath was finally fulfilled when his descendants, unbeknownst to them, once more occupied the complete ancestral lands of the Egyptian Empire. And they finalized their return, their fulfillment of the Pharaoh's oath, with the following words:]]
-->[[spoiler:'''Angus The Mauler''': "A gah-lah bala to you too, laddie. Jerusalem is Scotland's!".]]
* BraveScot: The native Caledonian highlanders are tough bastards.
* ChekhovsGunman: [[spoiler:Ivomagus, a seemingly throwaway scout, is let free by the Ptolemy. In a way similar to ''Film/SavingPrivateRyan'', Ivomagus returns as a general and is responsible for the death of Auletes and several Ptolemic warriors]].
* CoolHorse: Sort of. [[spoiler:For the final battle, Vortigern rides in a chariot made from the skull of a slain Ptolemic war elephant]].
* TheDreaded: The Gaelic general Vortigern.
* DefiantToTheEnd: an Egyptian general, captured for information, not only says nothing, but his last insult is to ''fart'' at the enemy.
* DyingMomentOfAwesome: Meryre Ptolemy. Dies in Alexandria's city square, allegedly bristling with arrows and wounds, clutching the spines of two Seleucids in his hands.
** [[spoiler:Heruben.]] Having killed the enemy general, waits until the enemy have deserted to collapse, revealing he'"d been holding his own guts in with his shield.
* FaceDeathWithDignity: [[spoiler:Euergetes, after he is captured by the Britons]].
* AFatherToHisMen: Heruben.
* FieryRedhead: Many of the native Britons. A Ptolemic general even comments on it.
* FightingForAHomeland: The Ptolemic empire is destroyed by the Seleucids, forcing a mass exodus of Egyptian survivors. They land in the British isles, and the first few chapters is this.
* GreyAndGrayMorality: The Ptolemics are FightingForAHomeland, while the native Britons are fighting to defend their homeland from the "invaders". They both want the same bit of real-estate, and have legitimate reasons for fighting. That said, the Ptolemics have their share of bastards, and the Britons commit some shockingly brutal atrocities.
* GrowingTheBeard: [[invoked]] ''Literally''. Heruben grows a beard over the first British winter, and is more {{badass}} from then on in.
* HalfTheManHeUsedToBe: [[spoiler:The Gaelic general Glasobrin. He gets rolled over by an Egyptian war chariot]].
* [[spoiler:TheHeroDies]]: [[spoiler:Heruben]].
* HeroicSacrifice: Meryre Ptolemy and the Alexandria garrison, who hold off the Seleucid hordes long enough to buy time for the Egyptian Pharaoh and his followers.
* HistoricalInJoke: Quite a few.
** The Ptolemics want to call the new country "Eng's Land", after their greatest spy, Khu Eng. Khu responds by saying "[[CrowningMomentOfFunny Eng-land is a stupid name for a country]]".
** Arrhidaeos invents the hinged phalanx.
* LegendFadesToMyth: By the time of ''A Scotsman in Egypt'', the story of Heruben has been corrupted almost beyond recognition.
* LighterAndSofter: Still rather violent and brutal, but not as much so as ''A Scotsman in Egypt''.
* MightyGlacier: Ptolemic phalanxes. Heavily armed and armored, but slow and inflexible. The more mobile Britons often take advantage of this.
* RainOfArrows: Acestes uses Machamoi archers to deadly effect.
* RoaringRampageOfRevenge: Heruben, against [[spoiler:Vortigern. Heruben gets to defeat him in the end.]]
** [[spoiler:Ivomagus against Auletes]].
* SirSwearsALot: He's called "Euergetes the Profane" for a good reason, you know.
* SociopathicHero: Auletes enjoys killing Britons a little ''too'' much. Not to mention his first line:
-->'''Auletes''': I don't know about you, Sekoundos, but [[RapeIsASpecialKindOfEvil I'm looking forward to the next generation of my line having red hair]].
* StarfishLanguage: Gaelic. [[http://lparchive.org/An-Egyptian-in-Scotland/Update%208/blaaarg.gif Just look at it]].
* TokenEvilTeammate: Auletes Ptolemy.
* TrueCompanions: The Ptolemic refugees. All they have in the world is each other, after all.
* WarIsHell: Heruben's experiences in Britannia change him quite a lot.

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