-> '''Moist:''' Why will anyone want to kill me?\\
'''Vetinari:''' I couldn't say, Mister Lipwig. But there was at least one attempt on your life when you were innocently delivering letters, so I expect your career in banking will be an exciting one.

The 31st book in the ''Literature/{{Discworld}}'' series, ''Making Money'' returns us to Moist von Lipwig, who has taken to breaking into his own building and stealing his own possessions to alleviate the boredom of living a more virtuous life. Since ''Discworld/GoingPostal'', he has become a major figure in the city and is tipped to become the next chairman of the Merchant's Guild. Vetinari, realizing that Moist would be much more useful if he redirected this bored energy towards a new project, offers him the chance to revamp the Royal Mint in much the same fashion as he revived the Post Office.

Topsy Lavish, the current majority shareholder of the Royal Bank of Ankh Morpork, spies Moist for what he is immediately -- a dirty, scheming crook. Naturally, when she dies not long after meeting him, she leaves all of her shares to her pet dog... and leaves her pet dog to Moist. Her family, objecting to the bank falling into the hands of a non-relative, go to great lengths to bribe, torment and even attempt to kill Moist.

Meanwhile, Moist's fiancee Adora Belle Dearheart has been away on a dig, and Moist has been fighting off the advances of Gladys the golem. While both of these seem relatively innocent, they will eventually evolve into much bigger problems, which could cause Moist even bigger issues should things go wrong...

Preceded by ''Discworld/{{Thud}}'', followed by ''Discworld/UnseenAcademicals''. Preceded in the Moist series by ''Discworld/GoingPostal'', followed by ''Discworld/RaisingSteam''.
----
!!''Making Money'' provides examples of:

* AboveGoodAndEvil: Justifying necromancy... Er, [[InsistentTerminology Post-Mortem Communications]].
* ActuallyNotAVampire: [[spoiler: Mr. Bent]]
* ActualPacifist: Moist is more comfortable being threatened with a sword than he is holding one.
* AllergicToRoutine: After making the Post Office feasible again and outwitting the bad guy of the last book, Moist quickly realizes that VictoryIsBoring. If he isn't doing something insanely risky - such as flirting with [[{{Tsundere}} Adora]] - he can't cope.
* AltumVidetur: Vetinari's claim that his actions in appointing Moist to government positions are justified under the legal grounds of "''Quia ego sic dico''". [[note]] roughly, "Because I say so."[[/note]]
* ArmorPiercingQuestion: Vetinari asks [[spoiler:Mr. Bent, currently in his clown getup, a difficult math question]] to see if he is still him. With some discomfort, reverting back to a more middle ground from [[spoiler: the super-uptight old Bent was and the super-silly clown Bent]], he is able to answer the question.
* ArmyOfLawyers: There's one surrounding the Lavish family.
* ArrowCatch: Gladys catches one of the Assassin's Guild "warning shots", stopping it so suddenly that it catches fire.
* ArtisticLicenseEconomics: Averted, Pratchett did quite a bit of research into economic theory before writing the book, and it shows (the British gold hullabaloo notwithstanding). The book goes over a number of flaws of the gold standard, though it doesn't mention any flaws of a floating currency such as manipulation of the supply. [[spoiler:This is largely excused from the move to a golem standard only happening at the end of the book.]]
* BattleOfWits: Moist battles several.
** When testing out the idea of paper currency, Moist engages the most shrewd business minded men in the city, the poorer vendors who could spot a wooden nickel a mile away, and are slower to come around to certain new ideas because upsetting the status quo could cause them to lose a substantial amount of money and suffer greatly for the loss. So, Moist knows if he wants to win over people with this new paper money currency, these are the men to beat.
** Later, [[spoiler:in the courtroom, Moist is up against the blackmailing Cosmo and Cribbins on one side and the law with Mr. Slant on the other. He fears trying to fight both so he can stay out of jail and deal with his blackmailers as it is a tricky situation. One CourtroomAntic later, and Moist sees the only truly smart move to play is to come clean and confess to his past crimes. Cosmo, Cribbins, and Slant act like he sucker punched them in different ways]].
* BavarianFireDrill: Moist loves doing this, but most notably, [[spoiler:busting an expert stamp forger out of prison to design his paper money for him]].
* BerserkButton:
** While [[TranquilFury he doesn't actually go berserk]], Vetinari is not happy that Moist thinks he's the kind of man who would poison harmless old ladies in order to further his schemes.
** In an involuntary variant, Aimsbury the dog-food chef has an "allergy" that makes him throw knives and scream in Quirmish if he hears the word "garlic".
** Mr. Slant hates it when a simple legal trial ends up getting him confused and flustered [[spoiler:especially in front of all those who are attending Moist's trial]]. He ends up giving such a DeathGlare, it makes plenty of people agree to not do anything.
* BewareTheNiceOnes: Lady Deidre Waggon, the author of an old fashioned book on etiquette and household management, has a section in said book on disposing of dead bodies "so as to avoid Scandal".
* BigScrewedUpFamily: The Lavishes hate each other only slightly less than they do the lower classes.
* BilingualBonus: Mr. Bent's absence of a sense of humor is called "Nichtlachen-Keinwortz" syndrome, literally "not laughing - no joke".
** Any bits of conversation in ancient Umnian, the golem language, are actually just English written out in the Enochian alphabet. It's perfectly possible for a reader to "translate" them.
* BodyHorror:
** As a part of Cosmo's attempts to mimic Lord Vetinari, he wears a copy of the Patrician's ring that is much too small for him. [[spoiler:His finger eventually becomes gangrenous because it can't get any blood, and in the end Moist tricks him into exposing the ring to direct sunlight, which due to the special properties of the metal it's made of, causes it to get superhot and burn his finger clean off (saving his life from further gangrene and resulting septicaemia). We [[TakeOurWordForIt don't get a proper description]], but it has "green mushrooms" and Moist notes the "colors" and the "wriggling things".]]
** And then there's [[spoiler:Cribbins' exploding dentures.]] "He made a noise like someone trying to scream, except that even screaming was too painful".
* BoxedCrook: Moist, of course. He tries to set this up with Owlswick, only to realize that Vetinari would have given him the same offer Moist got anyway.
* BreadEggsMilkSquick: ''Lady Waggon's Book on Household management'' has many tips for the aspiring lady, including "Any bodies found during a week-end party should be disposed of discreetly, in case of scandal."
* BringThemAround: Moist needs to convince the highly traditional Mint to print paper money, Mr. Bent off the gold standard, and the public to accept paper money as worth its printed value.
* BroughtHomeTheWrongKid: Moist's mother sometimes brought the wrong child home from school, he's so nondescript.
* ButterflyOfTransformation: Cosmo invokes this.
* CanisLatinicus: As noted above, Lord Vetinari justifies his appointment of Moist with ancient and venerable legal precedent of ''Quia ego sic dico''.
* ContestWinnerCameo: Dr. Hicks' name and a bit of his description come from a charity auction winner.
* CircularReasoning: The Department of Post Mortem Communications can't be called necromancy:
--> '''Moist''': So what you are saying is that necromancy is a very bad form of magic performed only by evil wizards, and since you are ''not'' evil wizards, what you are doing cannot possibly be called necromancy?\\
'''Dr. Hicks''': Yes.\\
'''Moist''': And what defines an evil wizard?\\
'''Dr. Hicks''': Well, for a start, doing necromancy.\\
'''Moist''': And because you're not evil wizards, what you're doing can't be called necromancy.\\
'''Dr. Hicks''': ''Exactly!''
* [[StrawFeminist Clay Feminist]]: [[RoboSpeak Gladys Becomes One Of These After Reading Books Written By Other Straw Feminists]].
* ConsequenceCombo: Topsy delivers an awesome one of these. "The sum of $20,000 annually will be paid for performing this duty, which I beg you to accept. If you do not... [[SophisticatedAsHell your arse will belong to the Guild of Assassins]]."
* ConspicuousGloves: Cosmo Lavish wears gloves to hide the ring he wears, both because it's stolen property and because it's made of stygium, a metal that glows white-hot in sunlight.
* ConsultingMisterPuppet: Moist is obligated to do this with Mr Fusspot, since he's the actual chairman (chairdog?) of the bank.
* ContinuityNod: Stanley's favorite Pin Emporium, mentioned in ''Discworld/GoingPostal'', is briefly mentioned as becoming a Pin and Stamp Emporium. One of the subplots is Vetinari's use of [[spoiler:the Device]] from ''Discworld/{{Thud}}''. And Moist wonders why [[Discworld/FeetOfClay an axe is stuck in the table in the Rats Chamber...]]
** The jobs Moist gets at the start of this book are the exact same jobs that were offered to his EvilCounterpart at the end of ''Discworld/GoingPostal'', which he... refused.
** Mrs. Cake from ''Discworld/ReaperMan'' makes an appearance, as does her daughter.
** Owlswick Jenkins, startled by something Moist says, asks if there are people who commit suicide professionally. In ''Discworld/TheTruth'', William de Worde interviewed and was rescued by a former steeplejack who ''threatens'' to commit suicide professionally.
** At one point, the numbers-obsessed Mr. Bent thinks to himself that he'll get pi to even out eventually. In Moist's first adventure, a large part of the post office's problems were caused by an invention which contained a small, alternate universe where pi was exactly three.
* CoolOldLady: Topsy. Moist's internal monologue offers a fairly in-depth [[InvokedTrope description of the type]].
* CourtroomAntic: [[spoiler:During Moist's trial, [[ItMakesSenseInContext Mr. Fusspot is propelled across the courtroom floor by a vibrating dildo he's using as a chew toy.]] Moist quickly decides that a world where something like that can actually happen can handle someone like him being in charge of a bank, and [[HonestyIsTheBestPolicy confesses to everything]].]]
* CrazyPrepared: If Moist ever needs to leave town under a different name (again) he has a ''wide'' range of options.
* CypherLanguage: Adora Belle's use of "golem language" is phonetic English rendered in Hebrew-style characters.
** [[spoiler:Something close to it, anyway: "Why", for instance, is spelled "U/V/W"-"H"-"I/Y", which would mean the pool of letters is similar to Latin, except for some reason R and M are the same.]]
* DidntSeeThatComing: By the end of the book, [[spoiler:Cosmo and Cribbins plan on blackmailing Moist with his dirty past if he survives the trial. So, after seeing Mr. Fusspot's antics with his new "toy", Moist decides to just confess to his previous crimes, robbing those two of any ammunition.]]
* DirtyOldMan: Topsy's late husband, who had whole ''closets'' of unusual sex toys that amuse Adora Belle and trouble Moist. [[spoiler:And provide Mr. Fusspot with a chew toy]].
--> '''Moist:''' Did he often 'work late'?\\
'''Vetinari:''' With astonishing regularity for his age, I understand.
** Also Professor Flead, former head of the Necromancy Department at Unseen University. Shamelessly perverted and incapable of being much older for the same reason he's the ''former'' head -- he's dead. [[spoiler:At the end of the book Moist makes a deal with him that sees him bound to the Pink Pussycat Club for the rest of time, which is like paradise for him - when he was alive, he thought seeing a woman's ''ankles'' was saucy.]]
* EvenEvilHasStandards:
** Mr. Fusspot is safe from guild Assassins, because killing a little lap-dog looks really bad on one's resumé.
** The Assassins also won't accept a contract on someone who already has one, so by hiring them to kill Moist if he fails to protect Mr. Fusspot, Topsy [[ThanatosGambit was actually protecting him]] from her murderous in-laws.
** Vetinari does a lot of morally ambiguous things for the good of the city, but killing old ladies isn't among them. To imply that he would commit such an act [[BerserkButton is a very dangerous move indeed]].
** Moist will [[spoiler: admit to his crimes in a courtroom]], but takes umbrage at being compared to the Lavishes, who have [[CorruptCorporateExecutive committed far worse atrocities]] than he ever did.
** Moist notes he learned a lot from his old partner-in-crime [[SmugSnake Cribbins]], and then spent a good many years trying to unlearn it.
* EverythingSoundsSexierInFrench: Moist gets rather excited about the sound of Adora Belle speaking the language of the golems.
* ExactWords[=/=]MetaphoricallyTrue: Adora Belle sees nothing wrong with [[spoiler:the golden golems leaving the dig site without her telling the dwarfs who are supposed to check everything she is taking with her because, technically, she isn't ''taking'' them. They just happen to be following her golems out of the site, underground.]]
* FantasticNuke: It's mentioned that "if you don't think of building [[AttackOfTheFiftyFootWhatever fifty-foot high killer golems]] first, someone else will", and later Moist points out that "[[MutuallyAssuredDestruction if you don't think of ]]''[[MutuallyAssuredDestruction not ]]''[[MutuallyAssuredDestruction using fifty-foot high killer golems first]], someone else ''will''."
* FieryRedhead: Topsy Lavish was apparently one in her youth. In her old age, she tries to shoot Death with crossbows.
* {{Foreshadowing}}:
** "Joshua liked to be in control. Oh yes, didn't he just." Moist later discovers [[spoiler: a closet full of S&M equipment in Joshua Lavish's room.]]
** When trying to find out about Mr Bent's mysterious past, Moist discovers a diary entry saying that some 'funny looking men' appeared at the bank asking about him. [[spoiler: Probably meant to be taken quite literally, as Bent used to be a clown.]]
** Bent's strange manner of walking. And his unnaturally large feet.
* FormallyNamedPet: Topsy Lavish's dog [[spoiler: and eventual chairman of the bank]] is named Mr Fusspot.
* GratuitousJapanese: Vetinari does a sudoku-equivalent in the ''Times'' which is called ''Jikan no Muda'' -- rough Japanese for "waste of time".
* GroinAttack: Owlswick kicks Moist in the crotch and does a runner, not realizing Moist is just ''disguised'' as a watchman and is trying to help him break out of prison.
* HatOfAuthority: Moist gets a top hat upon being made bank manager. He promptly covers it with glitter and gold leaf.
* HollywoodRestrainingOrder: After Pucci has pushed into Cosmo's study:
--> '''Cosmo:''' ... and you are forbidden to come within fifteen yards of me. I have an injunction.\\
'''Pucci:''' And you're not allowed to be within twenty yards of ''me'', so you broke it first.
* HonestyIsTheBestPolicy: [[spoiler: Moist gets out of being blackmailed by Cosmo Lavish and Cribbins by shamelessly admitting that he's a former con-artist.]]
* HoneyTrap: [[{{Gonk}} Pucci]] tries to be one; Moist sees her and takes off in the other direction at top speed. Turns into a BrainBleach moment, as his appalled memory cells try to die.
* HowManyFingers: Igor - with an actual jar full of them.
* IdiotBall: Moist calls himself on holding it because [[spoiler:he did not check out the vault on day one with a lawyer, an (al)chemist and a guard to check on the status of the gold.]] Also for getting into the first cab he saw without thinking. A year ago he [[GenreSavvy never would have made that mistake]].
* IJustWantToBeYou: Cosmo towards Vetinari (see below).
* IKnowKungFaux: There's a reference to ''sloshi,'' the art of Martial Arts Clowning.
* ImprobableHairstyle: Hubert's hair extends straight up five inches to a perfect flattop. Moist wonders in passing if he uses glue to keep it upright.
* ImprobableWeaponUser: [[spoiler: Bent uses a pink balloon animal to strangle a would-be assassin]].
* InfractionDistraction: In the opening, Moist breaks into the Post Office. He conceals the evidence by broadly implying that he's not alone in bed.
* InsistentTerminology: The Department of Postmortem Communications are ''not'' necromancers. (Technically true, since necromancy officially means consulting the dead to learn about the ''future.'' Contacting them to figure out what's going on in the past or present doesn't count.)
* IrritationIsTheSincerestFormOfFlattery: Cosmo Lavish is plotting to overthrow Lord Vetinari by ''becoming'' Lord Vetinari. His plans to achieve this go as far as to steal the patrician's boots and jewelry and copy his manner of dress and facial hair at all times. Later, we find there is [[spoiler:an entire wing of a hospital devoted to [[NapoleonDelusion people who think they're Vetinari]].]]
* ITakeOffenseToThatLastOne: Moist, when the Lavishes denounce him for stealing the bank's gold, accuse him of being a fraud, and [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking insult his fashion sense]].
* ItsAllAboutMe: [[spoiler:Pucci, whose ScrewTheRulesIHaveMoney remarks incriminate her entire family.]]
* JustTestingYou: When Mr. Bent has a paper corrected by one of his younger employees and suffers a breakdown, Moist initially wonders why he simply didn't claim he was testing them.
-->"Even school teachers know that one!"
* KillMeNowOrForeverStayYourHand: A mild form: [[spoiler:Vetinari hands Moist a sword while questioning him, so he can confirm that Moist is more afraid when he's holding a sword than he is when Vetinari is.]] A subtle but brilliant ContinuityNod back to ''Discworld/GuardsGuards!'', in which the maddened Lupin Wonse screamed at Vetinari "You think you're in control just because I've got a sword and you haven't!"
** Could be considered as a ContinuityNod for Moist, to the scene in ''Discworld/GoingPostal'' where [[spoiler: Moist kills a banshee and pukes right after he does so, showing to the reader that he hates violence, even when it is done in order to save his own life]].
* LastDisrespects: Topsy Lavish's funeral is attended by her relatives, a family of rich, selfish, squabbling assholes who do nothing but glare at each other throughout the ceremony, waiting for each other to start something so they can sue each others' pants off. Nonetheless, Cosmo considered it a "decently dignified occasion" spoiled only by Hubert, who was the only one actually ''mourning'' and blubbering all over the place.
* MadArtist: Owlswick Jenkins, who is a genius at recreating images he observes, but is wracked with emotional problems and doesn't seem to understand the consequences of his actions.
* MadMathematician: Mavolio Bent, who can see the answer to an equation just by looking at it and considers a mistake to be the worst of sins one could commit, is noted by Moist to be a little unstable, especially in regards to his obsession with the gold standard. [[spoiler: After making a mistake himself, Bent [[SanitySlippage briefly goes completely over the edge]].]]
* MadScientist: Topsy's nephew Hubert Turvy, a Mad Economist, who built a hydraulic computer to calculate the flow of money.
** Although, in the same style as many of Discworld's da Quirm inventions, the computer is based on a real-world device -- the MONIAC, devised in 1949.
* MartialArtsAndCrafts: Some of the fundamentals of martial clowning, such as lethal balloon animals and "[[PlankGag battle-planking]]".
* MaybeMagicMaybeMundane: Those dentures... cursed, or just malfunctioning? [[spoiler:FridgeBrilliance: Anoia, goddess of Things Stuck in Drawers, is in great debt to Moist for the increase in publicity he's given her. A badly-fitting pair of dentures, stuck in Cribbins' "drawers" for years, may very well be within her domain...]]
* MeaningfulName: Mild, in-universe case; Moist reflects that you never see a tall, slim Hubert, and Hubert Turvy is no exception.
* MemeticMutation: One occurs InUniverse: Vetinari's "I do believe it is pineapple". Barely a chapter later, a political cartoon references the line, with Vetinari saying "THIS does NOT taste of pineapple!"
* MenAreGenericWomenAreSpecial: Moist has to remind himself that non-Gladys golems aren't really men any more than she's actually a woman.
* TheMistress: Topsy was the mistress, became the wife, and was aware that newer models were coming along. She explained that keeping this all open made it very convenient for everyone's schedules.
* MultilayerFacade: Topsy discusses [[ILoveYouBecauseICantControlYou Moist's relationship with Adora]] in these terms.
-->"I suspect you like her because she can see your inner self. Or at least an inner self you've left inside just in case."
* MundaneMadeAwesome: ''Sloshi'', the clown martial-arts, as demonstrated by [[spoiler: the maddened Mr. Bent.]]
* NapoleonDelusion: [[spoiler: In the end, Cosmo is taken to a lunatic asylum which has a whole ward full of people who think they're Vetinari.]]
* NothingButSkulls: The Department of Post-Mortem Communications is full of these. They're fake, though. Except for old [[OracularHead Charlie]], who will remind you, [[TomSwifty a shade proudly]], that he's [[{{Pun}} the backbone of the department]].
* NotMyDriver: Moist has two nasty run-ins with a Lavish due to getting in the first black coach he sees. [[GreekChorus Nobby and Colon]] are there to point out how GenreBlind he's getting the second time.
* [[NotWithTheSafetyOnYouWont Not With The Cap On You Won't]]: Moist prevents Owlswick Jenkins from committing suicide by eating a tube of highly toxic paint because he made the same mistake as a lot of amateurs.
* ObliviousToLove: Mr Bent.
* OOCIsSeriousBusiness: [[spoiler:Mr. Bent's clerical mistake is treated akin to a genuinely pious man blaspheming. It takes all the senior clerks working together, double-checking and triple-checking the work, before they come to the frightening conclusion that it has actually happened.]]
* OutWithABang: Topsy Lavish's husband. Topsy was not actually present at the time.
* ThePerryMasonMethod: Used ''accidentally''. When [[spoiler:Mr. Bent and Miss Drapes reveal how the gold was really stolen, the arrogant Pucci Lavish goes on an epic tangent that not only confirms it but confesses to several other crimes her family has committed. The watch can't get a word in edgewise to tell her she has the right to remain silent, and end up writing it down and waving it at her.]]
* PetHeir: Mr. Fusspot.
* PinkMeansFeminine: Used to determine that an item wasn't made by a young girl, due to the lack of any pink on it.
* PlankGag: [[spoiler:Mr. Bent]] uses this with a ladder when he barges in on Moist's hearing.
* PostClimaxConfrontation[=/=]DragonTheirFeet: Cribbins.
* PrayerIsALastResort: Moist actually resorts to prayer at one point. [[spoiler:He prays to Anoia, one of the gods he claimed gave him inspiration to locating the funds in ''Going Postal''. She rules over things getting stuck in drawers. If one considers a "mouth" a "drawer", then it could be she answered by the end of the book.]]
* PrettyInMink: Pucci shows up wearing furs at one point. Whether it's FurAndLoathing isn't clear though.
* RealityChangingMiniature: The Glooper becomes this, much to the distress of its creator.
* RedHerring: We are repeatedly told that everyone suspects Mr. Bent of being a vampire. So often that the GenreSavvy reader knows he ''must'' be something else, and is perhaps thinking of other unusual Discworld races like Mr. Gryle [[spoiler:the banshee]] from ''Discworld/GoingPostal''. In the end, Mr. Bent turns out to be [[spoiler:a clown]].
* RefugeInAudacity: The whole concept of paper money is RefugeInAudacity itself. Which makes Moist von Lipwig the perfect man to run a bank.
* RememberTheNewGuy: The Lavish family is an influential and prolific family but they never made an appearance before this book. For the most part it's justified since not a lot of Discworld characters operate on the same level of society as them but even in later Watch books when Vimes in rubbing elbows (or butting heads as the case may be) with Ankh Morpork's elite they never receive a single mention.
* RoomFullOfCrazy: Cosmo's journal full of attempted signatures looks a lot like one: [[spoiler:"Vetinari Vetinari Vetinari Vetinari Vetinari Vetinari Vetinari Vetinari Vetinari Vetinari Vetinari"]].
* RunningGag:
** Moist stealing Drumknott's pencil.
** When the Lavish's lawyers do something, a note of how much it costs their employer pops up.
* ScrewThisImOuttaHere: Heretofore, when Cosmo's madness reaches critical mass.
* SequelHook: Vetinari outlines his plan to move Moist into the business of taxation once he's gotten the bank and mint running properly.
** Which is actually averted. Because the next time Moist appears he's dealing with steam trains not taxes.
* ShoutOut:
** We've got Moist making ''paper money'' that is noted to be worth only what we think it is. We've got a man who's obsessing over a pair of ''boots''. We've got a little ''dog''. We've got Moist revitalizing his ''top hat''. We've got a lady golem that does the ''ironing''. Mr. Jenkins considers a ''battleship'' as a motif for the bills he's designing. Adora Belle gives Moist a golem ''horse'', which he rides. Dibbler asks for enough money for a ''barrow''. All of these are pieces in ''TabletopGame/{{Monopoly}}'', a finance-based boardgame.
** The scene where Moist and Adora briefly believe Gladys the Golem has killed Mr. Fusspot is based on the "bunny boiler" scene from ''Film/FatalAttraction''.
** [[spoiler:Mr Bent's]] {{backstory}} may be inspired by JohnMajor, who was said to be the only person who ran away from the circus to become an accountant.
** The artist Owlswick's assumed name "Clamp" might be a shout-out to Creator/{{CLAMP}}.
** Moist's notion that "food will get you through times of no gold better than gold will get you through times of no food" is a ShoutOut to ComicBook/TheFabulousFurryFreakBrothers' philosophy that "dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no dope."
* ShroudedInMyth
* SoUnfunnyItsFunny: The actual ''purpose'' of clowns, at least in Vetinari's opinion. "They are tragic, and we laugh at their tragedy as we laugh at our own. Life is but a banana peel propelling us toward the open manhole cover of doom, and all we can do is sing as we go."
* TheStoic: Vetinari reacts to everything in a restrained and dignified manner. When forced to enter a clown college, he gravely warns his companions that "there might be... fun."
* SummonBiggerFish: When Moist explains to Vetinari why there are Mongooses in the letter boxes. Arguably more of a "swallowed a spider to catch the fly" type thing...
* SummoningRitual: The Professor of Necromancy... Er, Post-Mortem Communications makes great use of dribbling candles, and pentagrams, because he knows the spirits they are trying to summon won't come if it doesn't ''look'' right.
* SuspiciouslySpecificDenial: One of Moist's tricks is to invoke this trope as a BaitAndSwitch -- covering up the fact there's a woman in his bed ''just subtly enough'' that the hearer will assume that there is one and that they've seen through him... when in fact there isn't one at all, he just wants to keep them out of his room.
* SwordCane: Vetinari's walking stick is widely considered to be one (specifically, one [[MemeticBadass forged from the iron in the blood of his enemies]]) but it's fairly ambiguous as to whether it actually ''is'' (fairly unlikely, since he favors stilettos as personal weapons). Although it's almost certainly not made out of the blood of his enemies even if it is one.
* TakingTheBullet: Moist saves Vetinari from [[spoiler:public humiliation by taking a ''PieInTheFace'' for him.]] Of course, this being Vetinari, the chances of him getting hit were near non-existent in the first place. [[spoiler:[[MagnificentBastard Because he knew Moist]] [[FridgeBrilliance would jump in front of it.]]]]
* TastesLikePurple: As a side effect of Igor transferring all of Owlswick's neuroses into a turnip: "It sounded like the smell of raspberries tastes."
* ThanatosGambit: Mrs. Lavish's will hands her money to Mr. Fusspot, makes Moist his guardian... and sets up a contingency contract on him with the Guild of Assassins if the dog doesn't live out its natural life. Which, the book notes, prevents ''anyone else'' from [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim simply taking out a contract on Moist.]]
* ThatMakesMeFeelAngry: Justified by Vetinari's unflappable nature -- if he didn't say it out loud, there'd be no way for anyone else to tell.
-->'''Vetinari:''' But now the city works, Mr Lipwig. We progress. We would not do so if the ruler was the kind of man who would [[EvenEvilHasStandards kill elderly ladies]], do you understand?\\
'''Moist:''' I never said -\\
'''Vetinari:''' I know exactly what you never said. You refrained from saying it very loudly. [[TranquilFury I am extremely angry, Mr Lipwig.]]
* TheyCalledMeMad: Igor has to ask Hubert to say this.
* TurnOutLikeHisFather: [[spoiler:Mr. Bent, probably to his mother's disappointment.]]
* UnderNewManagement: Moist Von Lipwig as the new management of the Mint.
* UnfortunateNames: Apparently, Topsy Lavish's maiden name was ''Turvy''. As it is implied that she used to be either an exotic dancer or music-hall girl, Topsy could quite probably be a stage name (or pole name as the case may be). On the other hand, this is Ankh-Morpork, where people are regularly given names such as Legitimate First. It's entirely possible that was her real name.
* VomitingCop: An unnamed guardsman on the removal of Cosmo's glove.
* WalkOnTheWildSideEpisode: In a ShoutOut to ''Theatre/TwelfthNight'', the austere and humourless bank clerk ''Mavolio'' Bent, [[spoiler:a man who ran away from the circus to join a bank, suddenly re-asserts his destiny and heritage as a circus clown.]]
* TheWindowOrTheStairs: Moist is given the same choice as he was at the start of ''Discworld/GoingPostal'', only to discover that the "bottomless pit" room is now perfectly normal. When he asks what happened to it, Vetinari claims to have no idea what he's talking about.
* WorryingForTheWrongReason: The drink Splot, a sort of KlatchianCoffee UpToEleven. People are often reassured when they hear Splot is nonalchoholic...until they're told it's because "alcohol wouldn't survive."
* WroteTheBook: Mr. Slant wrote half of the impressive-looking books in any lawyer's office.
* YouDoNotWantToKnow: Dr. Hicks mentions a [[NoodleIncident squid in the corridor]]. When Moist asks him about it, he says "You would ''not'' want to know about the squid."
* YouFool: [[spoiler:Bent is having some trouble with his clown inner self and it calls him YouFool, doubly troublesome to him because he doesn't want to be an idiot ''or'' a literal Fool]].
* YouHaveOutlivedYourUsefulness: Anyone involved in Cosmo's obsession with Vetinari.

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