[[quoteright:150:http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Hans_Von_Hozel.jpg]]
[[caption-width-right:150: The German flag. Also is Hans von Hozel's avatar on Fanfiction.net]]

->''"Hallo there, my name is Hans von Hozel.''
->''I like to write stories [[BlatantLies to make an improve of my English]].''
->''Please read and enjoy! :)"''

->''"I had idea when one day, I going in Berlin. Suddenly, everything in English! I could not understand it. [[CaptainObvious It was like it in another language]], so I make English and do stories in it. : D"''
-->-- '''Hans von Hozel'''

Hans von Hozel is one of many writers on FanfictionDotNet, though his original account and fanfics are no longer on the website, having been removed by the site without explanation. Probably the most notable thing about Hans' collection of fics is that he had a fic for just about everything. Well, maybe not everything, but chances are if there's a huge fanbase (e.g. ''Literature/{{Twilight}}''), there will be a fic for that sooner or later. Although, [[InNameOnly the plot might not have to do with the storyline at all...]]

You can find a steadily-building archive of his old work [[http://hans-von-hozel.tumblr.com/ here]]. Additionally, his new account is available [[https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5440582/Hans-von-Hozel-2013 here]], though it hasn't been nearly as prolific as his old account was.
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!!Hans von Hozel's works provide examples of:

* AdaptationSpeciesChange: In his Literature/LittleRedRidingHood fic, the [[TheBigBadWolf Wolf]] is replaced by a [[BearsAreBadNews bear]].
* AllDesertsHaveCacti: Zig-zagged in ''World Cup 2010''.
* AnyoneCanDie: Most of his fics end on a melancholy note. For example: He kills all of the [[spoiler: Ninja Turtles and Splinter in his story ''Ninja Turtles'' and in his ''Series/DoctorWho'' fic, the Doctor gets eaten by raptors]].
* ArtisticLicenseAstronomy: in ''Werewolves'', executives on earth successfully ''harpoon the sun''.
* ArtisticLicenseBiology:
** In ''The Raven'', the titular raven is being hunted for its ''fur coat''.
** Also, the ''Series/{{Glee}}'' fanfic involves a banana forest growing as a result of ProducePelting. Edible bananas have no seeds.
* ArtisticLicenseNuclearPhysics: "Suddenly, his potion solution constructed nuclear in its half life and opened up a black wormholee!!!!!!"
* ButterflyOfDoom: ''Series/DoctorWho'' has a time travel related accident with a feather duster which causes the world's population to turn into dinosaurs... [[CrossesTheLineTwice who eat him]]... [[EpicFail and conquer the world]]...
* CatchPhrase: His usage of "Danube" as a verb, usually to indicate someone or something moving.
* {{Crossover}}
--> "One day, Manga/{{Naruto}} was sit on a beach.
-->It was many suns in the sky.
-->Suddenly, [[Manga/DragonBall Vegeta]]!"
** ''World of Danube: A Mamma Mia/Harry Potter crossover''.
* DarkerAndEdgier: [[Anime/{{Pokemon}} Pikachu]] [[spoiler: gets made into a coat by Team Rocket, causing Ash to [[DrivenToSuicide kill himself]]]], Film/MaryPoppins [[spoiler: gets hit by an airplane while flying with her umbrella]], [[Literature/AliceInWonderland Alice]] [[spoiler: accidentally poisons herself when she drinks from the "Drink Me" bottle]], just to name a few of the fates of famous popular characters.
* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment:
--> One day, [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5134296/1/House House]] was [[WhosOnFirst walk into his House]].
--> "It is good to have House House!" say House, as he walk into House House.
* DieForOurShip: Invoked in ''Valentine's Day'', [[Literature/HarryPotter Harry]] [[MurderTheHypotenuse sets a dragon on Ron]] so he can have Hermione for himself.
* DisproportionateRetribution: In ''Pikachus Umbrella'', Pikachu is locked in a prison cell for all eternity for stealing a TV set.
* TheDogBitesBack: "The animals had had enough of being used by Panda, and gave humans location."
* DownerEnding: Nearly every story he has written.
* FlashFiction: Most of his works are quite short.
* FunnyForeigner: Hans himself.
* GenreShift: ''Manga/{{Axis Powers Hetalia}}'' and ''Film/TheRoom'' abruptly turn to sci-fi in midstream.
* GreenAesop: The ''WesternAnimation/KungFuPanda'' story. Maybe.
* HumansAreBastards: ''Warhammer''.
* HypocriticalHumor: In the summary for his ''Film/TheRoom'' fic, he mentions that he thinks the movie must be [[PoesLaw a joke]] because it's not very good.
* IncrediblyLamePun: Yugi becomes an Franchise/YuGiOh card in ''Card Quest''.
* InNameOnly: His works often do this almost literally, since some only reference the title of the work they are based on.
** His ''Manga/{{Gravitation}}'' and ''Film/TheDayAfterTomorrow'' fics are particularly blatant examples.
** His ''Film/RushHour'' fic is actually about the ''board game'' of the same name.
** Also, his ''Film/AcrossTheUniverse'' fics are essentially about wars between the Beatles (who can only say "Liverpol") and ABBA.
* InTheStyleOf: if one is ''very'' charitable, ''Glitch City'' is ''Pokemon'' in the style of ''Metal Gear Solid 2''.
* IntentionalEngrishForFunny. [[PoesLaw Probably]].
* KillEmAll:
** His [[spoiler: ''Film/TheRoom'']] fic.
** Also in his ''Franchise/YuGiOh'' fics.
** Happens repeatedly in his [[Literature/TheBible Bible]] fic; God getting either angry, or bored.
* LighterAndSofter: "Ok so I saw a horrible scary movie call ''Film/TheHumanCentipede'' and is was horrible but I make [[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6255487/1/Centipede_Crufts this version]] [[LampshadeHanging where it is not so scary and of the happy ending!]]"
* MoneyToThrowAway: In ''Eurovision Song Contest 2010'' Switzerland makes gold rain from the ceiling. [[{{ArtisticLicenseEconomics}} This somehow fixes Greece's economy]].
* MurderTheHypotenuse: See the comment for DieForOurShip about the ''Literature/HarryPotter'' story ''Valentine's Day''.
* OurVampiresAreDifferent: Hozel's ''Literature/{{Twilight}}'' and ''LetTheRightOneIn'' stories use his own vampire mythos.
* {{Pastiche}}: His... ''distinctive'' style has inspired these from other authors, particularly by way of [[http://fanfictioncdn-fictionpressllc.netdna-ssl.com/u/3042496/TheWeeklyHansvonHozelChallenge The Weekly Hans von Hozel Challenge]].
* PokemonSpeak: Music/TheBeatles can only say "Liverpol".
* ProducePelting:
** The ''Series/{{Glee}}'' club gets pelted by bananas. See ArtisticLicenseBiology.
** ''Series/HannahMontana'' gets pelted by tomatos in another of his fics.
* RealPersonFic: And in a site where it's supposedly forbidden, although it's sometimes a result of confusion caused by IAmNotLeonardNimoy and TheDanza. This doesn't stop reviewers from threatening to report him, though.
* RougeAnglesOfSatin: His ''Film/{{Tron}}'' fanfic is listed as a ''Film/{{Troy}}'' fanfic.
* SayingSoundEffectsOutLoud: In ''Spain Wins the World Cup'' the referee says "Toot."
* ShockAndAwe: How WesternAnimation/{{Thomas the Tank Engine}} dies in one of his stories.
* StealthParody[=/=]PoesLaw: One can only hope.
* TogetherInDeath: [[spoiler: Edward and Bella, in ''Twilight'']].
* TheUnintelligible: In Hans's fics, Music/TheBeatles can only say "Liverpol".
* WhosOnFirst: "One day, House was walk into his House."
* WomanScorned: in ''Benjamin Button'', [[spoiler: Daisy has the deaged-to-fetus Benjamin Button aborted [[FridgeLogic despite him not being inside anyone's uterus at the time]] as revenge after Benjamin has the gall to dump her]].
* YouKeepUsingThatWord:
** As mentioned, he seems convinced that the word "Danube" is a rather vaguely-defined ''verb''.
** He also likes to take verbs and change them to "make a (verb)ing". For example, from the fanfiction ''Strawberry Fields Forever'':
--->"LOOK!" shout Fans, "THE BEATLES ARE MAKING A STEALING!"
** He also thinks that the plural of "broom" (which he consistently spells "[[TheInheritanceCycle Brom]]", and uses as if it were a name) is "bromine". "Brom", however, is German for "bromine" he seems to have the two confused. [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bromine Bromine]] just so happens to be a periodic element; an odd thing to get confused with a [[http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/broom broom of the sweeping kind]].

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