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A list of the actual ''[=AD&D=] Character Sheets'' for many of the characters in these stories can be found [[http://www.rogermwilcox.com/ADnD/ here]].

!! Ringman
* BabiesEverAfter: He fathered two successive families, one of which didn't even feature kids that raised themselves.
* TheBait: When Omnion wants to draw Sick Sword out into the open. Involves torture via [[Franchise/TheHitchHikersGuideToTheGalaxy Vogon poetry]].
* BreakoutCharacter: Before the author began writing the first story, his characters were just AD&D characters. Ringman was the lesser of his two paladins: Lower ability scores, less magic treasure, and one experience level lower, than Peter Perfect. Except that he happened to find a better holy sword. In essence, the first scene in the first story was the author's excuse for transferring Prometheus from his lesser paladin to his more powerful paladin. But in the process, Ringman became the ultimate foil for all the munchkinism going on around him, and eventually entered the limelight.
* HappilyMarried: In the 3rd story, to [[spoiler:Izabella]].
* HealingHands: But only once a day, per the paladin rules. He uses this to aid his rallied militia against a zombie invasion, and again on Danny under potentially [[ToughLove disturbing circumstances]].
* TheHero: Ringman ''finally'' becomes this in the 3rd story. Even though he's still the weakest character by far, and has to have his life saved repeatedly by his offspring.
* IncorruptiblePurePureness: He'll never take unfair advantage of the rules, even if it means being a wimpy 9th-level by-the-book paladin for the rest of his life.
* TheLancer: To Sick Sword in the 1st story, and to his daughters in the 2nd.
* LovedINotHonorMore: After living an idyllic life of semi-retirement with his wife [[spoiler:Izabella]], Tiamat decides to crash the party. His wife is flabbergasted that he'd throw away his life fighting a dragon he couldn't possibly beat. His response:
-->"You knew when you married me that I am, first and foremost, a paladin. That means I have a duty to protect my village from evil. We were lucky; over the eighteen years since I've been here, no invaders attacked. But now our luck's run out. And now, this paladin almost literally has to [[Theatre/ManOfLaMancha march into hell for a heavenly cause]]."
* OnlySaneMan: He is the series' Voice of Reason where everyone else takes RefugeInAudacity. More often than not, this makes him the StraightMan.
* ThePaladin: Oddly, averted. He's less TheHero than the male version of a DamselInDistress.
** Played straight in the 3rd story, though, when he frees a billion doomed centaurs.
* TheEveryman: Almost to the point of being a RidiculouslyAverageGuy. At least on Central Earth.

!! Peter Perfect
* AlliterativeName
* BloodKnight
-->'''Wierd Dough:''' "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go mug a centaur and take his four one-million-gold-piece gems!"
-->'''Peter Perfect:''' "''Kill'' a centaur and take his four 1 000 000 g.p. gems."
* DePower: At the end of the first book, the anti-disgusting characters strip him (and the rest of the IUDC hangers-on) of all psionic powers. Now he's just a plain old non-psionic 20th level paladin with a sentient holy sword, three artifacts, and about fifty other magic items. He gets his psionics back in the 3rd book, thanks to the big Rules Change.
* HorseOfADifferentColor: As of 2nd Edition, a paladin's warhorse doesn't have to be an actual horse. Peter Perfect takes full advantage of this clause.
* KnightTemplar: Technically LawfulGood. Technically.
* MoralEventHorizon: When he [[spoiler:killed Ringman and [[KilledOffForReal annihilated his soul]].]] Even his sentient Holy Sword, Prometheus, thought this was going too far and refused to play along.
* NamedAfterSomebodyFamous: His name comes from a character on ''The WesternAnimation/WackyRaces''.
* RulesLawyer: He can decapitate a random peasant, and attack another paladin without provocation, and still retains his paladinhood -- because he knows how to find a loophole excuse.
* SociopathicHero: And we're still not sure about the "hero" part.
* TautologicalTemplar: He's a paladin, so anything he does must automatically be lawful and good. Conversely, if Ringman doesn't do what Peter Perfect would, this is proof that Ringman ''isn't'' a [[NoTrueScotsman True Paladin]].

!! Prometheus
* BloodKnight
-->"Whoo!" the longsword cheered. "''Man'', did that ever feel good! We oughta hack something up like that ''every'' day!"
* [[EvenEvilHasStandards Even a Blood Knight Has Standards]]: Even Prometheus, who can never resist an opportunity to hack something to death, refuses to [[spoiler: annihilate Ringman's soul]]. It accomplishes this refusal, over Peter Perfect's objections, by [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything going limp]].
* HolyHandGrenade: It does +10 damage against ChaoticEvil opponents, after all.
* TalkingWeapon

!! Sick Sword
* ActionGirl: The made-up Weapons Master class operates on agility rather than toughness, allowing her to be lithe and quick -- and not have to hide her body inside armor.
* ActionMom: In ''The Sick Kids''.
* AlliterativeName
* TheHero: Only in the 1st story, though.
* MsFanservice: Paticularly when she appears in another plane totally naked, and later gets her [[ClothingDamage clothes burned off]] by a fire-breathing dragon. If you've got an 18 Charisma, you might as well flaunt it.
* SheWhoFightsMonsters: In order to defeat the Intercontinental Union of Disgusting Characters, Sick Sword had to become disgusting herself.
* TheyCallHimSword: Or her, in this case.

!! Omnion
* BigBad: In the 1st story.
* FighterMageThief: She is literally all three at once.
%%* HalfHumanHybrid%%zce
* AHellOfATime: She dies and goes to hell, and her unspeakably horrific punishment is ... to do laundry. True, she's surrounded by searing hellfire, but she's got so much fire resistance she hardly notices it.
* LawfulEvil: It was the only alignment not already spoken for at the time.

!! Homer the Brownie
* {{Familiar}}: It seems to be a brownie's lot in life.

!! Koenieg
%%* {{Druid}}%%zce
* IceCreamKoan: Practically every line he utters. He even uses it as a weapon against Rango during the penultimate battle in the 1st story:
-->Koenieg had been spouting Zen Druid Bhuddism to Rango continuously under his hail of 25 ineffective sword hacks, and evidently it was getting to him. Upon telepathically hearing 'One to change it and one not to change it' for the twelfth time, Rango threw down his weapons, threw up his arms, and cried, "No more! No more! Get this tree brain away from me! [=AAaaagghh=]!"
* TrueNeutral

!! Wierd Dough
* TheArchmage: He ''is'' over level 18, after all.
* ChaoticGood
* PunnyName
-->"I didn't misspell it by accident," Wierd Dough explained, "I just spelled Wierd weird to be weird."
-->"And your last name?" Peter asked.
-->"My father was a dough maker and I handled his shipments, all right?"
* ReallyGetsAround: At least in the 2nd story.
-->'''Wierd Dough:''' "Er, um, yes, well, ahem, you see, I haven't had . . . uh . . . much time for family life recently. Yeah, that's it, not much time."
-->'''Middle Monk:''' "Oh? You seemed to have plenty of time for that cute blond apprentice sorceress last —"
-->'''Wierd Dough:''' "That's different! She needed help learning her . . . um, somatic technique."
-->'''Middle Monk:''' "I'll bet. What did you teach her to cast, a sleep spell?"
-->'''Wierd Dough:''' "Well, you're just jealous because ''you'' couldn't score with any of the female recruits in your monastery."

!!Clerasil
* ChurchMilitant: What good is being a cleric if you can't smash 'em with a magic war hammer?
* DeskJockey: ''Some''body had to do the bookkeeping for the IUDC. It gave him an opportunity to exercise his clerical skills. <{{Rimshot}}>
%%* NeutralGood%%zce
* OminousPipeOrgan: He carries Heward's Mystic Organ around with him in a portable hole. It's not so much ''ominous'' as ''poorly played.''
-->"I'm a cleric. Of ''course'' I can play the organ." ... followed by imitating the melody line in parallel fifths.[[note]]Which was fine for early medieval parallel organum, but come ''on.''[[/note]]
* PunnyName: As a cleric, I'm sure he has at least one spell that can cure acne.
* ThunderHammer: His Hammer of Thunderbolts is even ''named'' Mjolnir. It's a wonder Thor doesn't sue him for trademark infringement.

!!Rango
* ChaoticGood
%%* {{Ranger}}

!!Da Bad Dude
* MasterOfIllusion: It's more or less an InformedAbility.
%%* NeutralEvil%%zce
* DungeonMaintenance: In the 3rd story, he invests all of his money in building a miles-long dungeon, so that he won't have enough gold or gems left to be worth killing for the x.p..

!!Wild Max
* ChaoticEvil
%%* HalfHumanHybrid

!!Middle Monk
* AlliterativeName: '''M'''iddle '''M'''onk
%%* LawfulNeutral
%%* BareFistedMonk
%%* TotallyRadical

!!Dirk the Destructive
%%* AlliterativeName
* BlackKnight: He ''is'' an anti-paladin, after all.

!!Melnic the Loud
%%* ChaoticNeutral%%zce
* MindControlMusic: Planting a ''suggestion'' spell in a song is a standard bard power, y'know.
%%* QuirkyBard

!! Izabella
* TheDitz:
-->'''Sick Sword:''' "Well, you said yourself that the broom doesn't work. I'm only interested in the handle." [pries the bristles off the end of the broom]
-->'''Izabella:''' "But won't that violate the warranty?"

!! Disgusting Sword and Ridiculous Sword
* BareFistedMonk: When they're not wielding their artifact weapons. (They even have +6 holy gloves for such an occasion.)
* [[LikeFatherLikeSon Like Mother Like Daughter]]: Their mom was, in her time, the most powerful character on Central Earth.
* LittleMissBadass: Disgusting Sword became the most powerful character on Central Earth when she was 10-and-a-half. Then Ridiculous Sword took that crown away from her ... at age 9.
* TheHero: Ridiculous Sword is this in ''The Sick Kids''.

!! Gross Sword
* MoralEventHorizon: When he [[spoiler:[[MommyIssues kills his mother]] and annihilates her soul, making her KilledOffForReal.]]
** This is played against convention, as when he finally has his [[spoiler:HeelFaceTurn at the end, he doesn't have to [[RedemptionEqualsDeath die for his sins]]]].

!! Jimmy
* TheCallKnowsWhereYouLive: He became an adventurer only because his parents got turned into zombies. His gaining straight 18s in all stats, and instantly jumping to experience level 5, were partly due to Ridiculous Sword's conniving.
%%* ConvenientlyAnOrphan%%zce
* LittleJimmy: At least at first. Then his parents turn into zombies and he gets disgusting characterhood rammed down his gullet.

!!Unbelievable Sword
* NinjaPirateZombieRobot: Some 1st and 2nd Edition humans are satisfied with being a Character With Two Classes. Not Unbelievable Sword. He's a Character With Thirty-Two Classes.[[note]]Assassin, Monk, Druid, Barbarian, Oriental Barbarian, Bushi, Fighter, Thief, Bard, Wu Jen, Thief-Acrobat, Sohei/Ninja, Cleric, Illusionist, Abjurer, Conjurer, Diviner, Enchanter, Necromancer, Transmuter, Invoker, Weapons Master (a fake class made up entirely for the IUDC stories), Yakuza, Ranger, Shukenja, Cavalier, Anti-Barbarian (identical to a Barbarian except lawful instead of chaotic), Kensai, Paladin, Samurai, and Magic-User.[[/note]] This gets cut down to a paltry 18 classes when the pure Second Edition Revised rules are imposed.

!! Danny
%%* RebelliousSpirit%%zce
* ChaoticNeutral

!! Josephus
* OurDwarvesAreAllTheSame: He even has to explain to Ringman that the whole "dwarves hate horses" notion is just a myth made up by [[Film/DungeonsAndDragons2000 the movie]].
* WhileYouWereInDiapers: Josephus knew Ringman when he was just a tike.