[[quoteright:250:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/rjagnjar_6952.png]]
[[caption-width-right:250:Dwarf Bard Rjägnjär Hjëllstjürm. (#629: Just because they are all into rock, metal and axes, dwarves are not all headbangers.)]]

->''"If given a choice of options, always take the crazy one. Nobody ever plans for crazy."''
-->--'''Mr. Welch''' answering a question at Con-Jour II about roleplaying

''Things Mr. Welch Is Not Allowed to Do in an RPG'' is ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin - a list of things Mr. Welch, poster boy for TheLoonie, has been banned from doing in TabletopGames. It is ''[[ArchivePanic long]]'' (2,595 items at last count), imaginative, full of {{Defied Trope}}s (as in the {{Game Master}}s doing the defying to him), and often really funny.

The original list of 25 debuted in 2005 on a Livejournal entry by [=TheGlen=], but has since been updated every few weeks in blocks of 25. According to the author, the list contains jokes related to over 50 different roleplaying games, the majority of which regard the various editions of ''TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons''. Other games that appear frequently include the ''Franchise/StarWars'' tabletop games, ''TabletopGame/{{Deadlands}}'', ''TabletopGame/Cyberpunk2020'', ''TabletopGame/SeventhSea'', ''TabletopGame/WerewolfTheApocalypse'', ''TabletopGame/{{Aeon}} Trinity'', ''TabletopGame/IronClaw'', ''TabletopGame/IronKingdoms'', ''Anime/{{Robotech}}'', and ''TabletopGame/{{GURPS}}''.

Read the full list here:
* [[http://theglen.livejournal.com/16735.html Numbers 1 - 500]]
* [[http://theglen.livejournal.com/89715.html Numbers 501 - 1000]]
* [[http://theglen.livejournal.com/131998.html Numbers 1001 - 1500]]
* [[http://theglen.livejournal.com/282764.html Numbers 1501 - 2000]]
* [[http://theglen.livejournal.com/389635.html Numbers 2001 - 2500]]
* [[https://theglen.livejournal.com/460649.html Numbers 2501 - 2550]]
* [[https://theglen.livejournal.com/461413.html Numbers 2526 - 2550]]
* [[https://theglen.livejournal.com/461795.html Numbers 2551 - 2570]]
* [[https://theglen.livejournal.com/462215.html Numbers 2576 - 2595]]
* If you want to see it broken down by game system, start [[http://theglen.livejournal.com/262011.html here]] or [[http://theglen.livejournal.com/402080.html here]] and click the right arrow. In some cases, this reveals jokes that wouldn't otherwise be obvious.

Compare ''Literature/SkippysList'', "Things Runs-Like-Hell is not allowed to do in the Garou Nation" (which is ''TabletopGame/WerewolfTheApocalypse'' specific). It turns out Skippy and Mr. Welch knew each other in real life but didn't know that each of them had written these lists they were both fans of until they were invited to attend a convention together.

Compare and contrast the ''EvilOverlordList'', which is more about becoming GenreSavvy. Another, earlier list by Mr. Welch can be found [[http://www.librarium-online.com/forums/off-topic/35334-00-ways-annoy-wargamers.html here]]: ''100 Ways to Annoy War Gamers.''
----
!!Tropes:

[[foldercontrol]]

[[folder:A-E]]
* AbhorrentAdmirer:
--> 461. Tasha's [[{{Gonk}} Uncontrollably Hideous]] Sister is not a real spell.
* AbnormalAmmo:
--> 601. If we run out of cannonballs armadillos will not do in a pinch.
--> 616. Even if they are the same clichéd acid for blood aliens, can't load my shotgun with baking powder.
--> 798. Not allowed to use guppies as buckshot.
--> 1695. Can't [[TruthInTelevision load the shotgun just with rock salt]] [[KickTheDog because I'm feeling mean]].
--> 1815. Can't have [[CatapultToGlory a gun capable of]] [[FastballSpecial using other PC's as ammo]].
--> 2016. While extremely cool, my superhero needs something more than just a gun that fires badgers at people.
--> 2076. If I'm commissioned to build an artillery [[ShapedLikeItself gun]], they don't mean a gun [[RecursiveAmmo that fires howitzers]].
* AbsurdPhobia:
--> 2369. If the villain doesn't have a phobia of the blue footed boobie, I can't give him one.
--> 2386. There is no such thing as gnomeophobia.
---> 2387. [[NoodleIncident I will not give anybody an unreasonable fear of gnomes.]]
* AbsurdlySharpBlade: Requires ''a'' blade.
--> 591. Defibrillators do not allow me the use of the Cleave feat.[[note]](This is odd, since the name of the Cleave feat is [[NonIndicativeName slightly non-indicative]]; it works just fine with any physical weapon. {Touch spells or spells in general, not so much.})[[/note]]
--> 1372. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot have a monofilament sledgehammer.
* AbsurdlySpaciousSewer:
--> 2100. No matter how big these sewers seem to be, we aren't finding a Shipley's Donuts down here.
* ActionGirl: Cannot be the sole criterion for dating.
--> 1310. I will pick my character's girlfriend based on something more than how much fire support she can provide.
* AdamAndEvePlot[=/=]PeopleFarms:
--> 1874. Even if elves are a {{dying race}}, can't start a [[BreedingSlave forced breeding]] program.
* AddedAlliterativeAppeal: [[AvertedTrope Averted.]] At least for the one-letter variant.
--> 711. If almost all the words in my character's background start with the same letter, he's vetoed.
* AgainstMyReligion:
--> 222. Druids are not against my religion.
--> 1902. Playing a Gamorrian doesn't violate anybody's religion.[[note]]In the ''Star Wars'' franchise, a Gamorrean (spelling checked on [[https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Gamorrean/Legends WookieePedia]]) is a pig-like alien, so this is likely a reference to how Jews and Muslims cannot eat pork.[[/note]]
* AlienBlood:
--> 1477. If I'm playing an alien, I can't have alkaline for blood.
* AllAnimalsAreDogs:
--> 2355. Can't bribe a dragon with belly rubs.
* AllAnimeIsNaughtyTentacles:
--> 1601. Cephalopods do not get bonuses to attack Japanese women.
* AllJustADream:
--> 598. Any adventure that ends up with my character being worshiped as an orc god was just a dream. [[{{Retcon}} Retroactively if need be.]]
--> 1007. That whole Expedition to the Barrier Peaks? Dream Sequence.
* AllMenArePerverts:
--> 482. No [[{{Frameup}} uploading porn to my CO's HUD]].
---> 483. No downloading porn from my CO's HUD.
--> 695. [[{{Fanservice}} Buying the Elf Babe a trampoline]] and telling her it boosts her Dexterity isn't [[JigglePhysics fooling anybody]].
* AllMonksKnowKungFu:
--> 2348. I will stop asking the Jesuit to teach me kung fu moves.
* AllWomenLoveShoes:
--> 877. Even if I am playing a chick, I can't spend all my starting cash on shoes.
--> 2441. My Rogue Trader's crew will notice if she left out Savior Pods to make room for a bigger shoe closet.
* AlwaysIdenticalTwins:
--> 1999. The evil twin flaw doesn't count if he's fraternal.
* AmbiguousGender[=/=]{{Elfeminate}}:
--> 550. Dwarves can indeed tell the difference between their genders.
--> 1207. There is no such thing as "ambiguously elven".
--> 1218. Elves do not have to go to the bathroom in groups.
--> 1418. The Elvish language is not just English with a hell of a lot of lisping.
--> 1474. The concept of puberty is not alien to the elves.
--> 1689. 1/3 of the elf homeland's GDP does not go to hair care products.
--> 1720. Contrary to popular opinion, the girdle of masculinity/femininity does have a noticeable effect on elves.
--> 1850. [[LanguageEqualsThought There is also an elven word for "heterosexual".]]
--> 1932. I will stop telling people the elf is [[{{Pun}} openly]] [[TheFairFolk fey]].
--> 1953. A lifetime subscription to [[Magazine/{{Cosmopolitan}} Cosmo]] is not an elven racial bonus.
--> 2030. Elves do not get a racial bonus to the skill Trade: Interior Design.
--> 2373: The name for a group of elves is not the fagot.
* AnArmAndALeg:
--> 1769. I can't disarm the monk. At least not literally.
--> 2202. When I take watch, everybody must wake up with the same number of limbs as they went to sleep with.
* AnimalMotifs: For Mr. Welch, it's wombats.
--> 1342. There is no god of Wombats, no matter how much I pray.
--> 1646. I am not Wombatman.
--> 2102. I will not make any plan that hinges on the medicinal value of dire wombats.
* AnimalThemedSuperbeing:
--> 2063. Despite ComicBook/{{Hawkman}}, ComicBook/{{Batman}}, [[ComicBook/AntMan Antman]] and [[ComicBook/SpiderMan Spiderman]], Red Snapperman is not a legitimate superhero name.
* AnimalsHateHim:
--> 971. I cannot take the flaw Enemy: Random packs of wild dogs.
* {{Antidisestablishmentarianism}}:
--> 129. Not allowed to name my ship The Antidisestablishmentarianism.
--> 701. Cannot take the moniker "the Hyperpolysyllabicsesquipedalinist."
* ArbitraryWeaponRange: Enforced by this item:
--> 868. I cannot have a gun with an area of effect larger than its range.
* ArchaicWeaponForAnAdvancedAge: Inverted.
--> 2117. I will not buy skills for weapons that don't exist yet.
* ARealManIsAKiller:
--> 1336. Even if we are told to pick a manly name for the game, [[TestosteronePoisoning Genocidicles is a bit much]].
* ArsonMurderAndJaywalking:
--> 207. The following weapons are not legal choices in a duel: [[SquashedFlat Steamroller]], [[DeadlyGas Nerve Gas]], [[LandmineGoesClick Landmine]], [[GrievousHarmWithABody Midget]].
* ArtisticLicenseEngineering:
--> 2352. Can't clear out the dungeon with just engineering checks.
* AsLethalAsItNeedsToBe:
--> 71. There is no 'annoy' setting on a phaser.
--> 328. I cannot keep my phaser on disintegrate just because it's the coolest setting.
--> 1138. [[KillItWithFire Fire]][[StuffBlowingUp balls]] don't have a non-lethal option. I will ponder this after I've cast one at that guy we needed alive.
--> 1989. Can't set the Death Star [[SlapOnTheWristNuke to stun]].
* AssShove:
--> 150. Not allowed to create recreational drugs in suppository format.
--> 520. Under no circumstances is my medical droid allowed a groin mounted rectal thermometer.
* AttackItsWeakPoint:
--> 176. I cannot make called shots to the plectrum, [[EarAche anvil, stirrup, hammer]] or Isle of Langerhans.
--> 388. Pursue means chase after, not just [[{{Kneecapping}} make called shots to the knees]].
--> 517. I cannot make called shots to their self esteem.
--> 563. I can't [[GroinAttack make anyone Jewish]] with a called shot.
--> 682. Can't make a called shot with a flamethrower.
--> 731. No matter how many called shots to the neck I make, I'm still not going to cause [[Franchise/{{Highlander}} a cool pyrotechnics display]].
--> 2028. Even if the rules allow it, a called shot to the eyes with a sledgehammer isn't very practical.
--> 2312. You can only make [[CombatPragmatist so many called shots]] [[GroinAttack to the groin]] until it's an alignment check.
* AttackOfThe50FootWhatever:
--> 2004. Just because I took the large advantage does not let me rampage through Tokyo at will.
* AttackReflector:
--> 2043. If I knock out [[Franchise/StreetFighter Ryu]] while I'm blocking, it's time to retire the character.
* AttentionDeficitOohShiny:
--> 1091. In the middle of a Black Ops, if a character dies I will not [[Series/MissionImpossible disavow knowledge of him]] until after the mission is over.
--> 1155. Thri-keen do not have the flaw Obsession: Pretty lights.
* AwesomeMcCoolname: Invoked.
--> 1336. Even if we are told to pick a manly name for the game, Genocidicles is [[TestosteronePoisoning a bit much]].
--> 1579. No one in the party gets to name their character Kurgen [=McAsskicker=].
* AxCrazy: On a number of occasions.
--> 11. Not allowed to berserk for the hell of it, especially during royal masquerades.
--> 240. Any character with more than three skills specializing in [[ChainsawGood chainsaw]] is vetoed.
--> 416. I will not [[ATeamFiring substitute accuracy with enthusiasm]].
--> 417. The solution to all my problems is not [[TabletopGame/WerewolfTheApocalypse Crinos]].
--> 652. My fighter cannot take the flaw: Addiction - stabbing things.
--> 680. My axe doesn't [[ShurFineGuns go off accidentally]] when [[EpicFail I'm cleaning it]].
--> 1015. Despite what the rules say, berserking does not improve my aim.[[note]]While berserking doesn't ''explicitly'' improve the berserk character's aim, it ''does'' do so ''implicitly''. A barbarian's rage improves his/her Strength and Dexterity, which improve the accuracy of melee and ranged attacks, respectively. Barbarian rage does ''not'' impose a penalty to the barbarian's attack rolls to compensate for the improved stats; thus, according to the rules as written, berserking ''does'' improve a character's aim.[[/note]]
--> 1912. No more surprise parties for the berserker.
--> 2214. Deer hunting season is restricted to rifles or bows, not [[GoodOldFisticuffs brass knuckles]].
** There's also a few things he's done that are downright ''psychotic'' (but [[RefugeInAudacity typically all the more hilarious for it]]):
---> 1889. Slapping a meltabomb on the Emperor's Children marine and [[InstantHumiliationJustAddYouTube putting his resulting efforts to get it off on YouTube]] gets me a Corruption Point.
* BackupTwin:
--> 1436. In case of premature termination, the dungeon boss has an identical twin brother on standby.
* BadPowersBadPeople:
--> 1041. Doesn't matter if I'm [[MundaneUtility just using to spot weld]], force lightning still gets me a dark side point.
* BadPowersGoodPeople:
--> 460. I'd better have a real good excuse for being a {{Necromancer}} if I'm LawfulGood.
* BananaInTheTailpipe:
--> 1061. In the middle of a Black Ops I do not have time to put a banana in the exhaust port of their AV-9.
* BarbieDollAnatomy:
--> 1369. Elves do too have [[NippleAndDimed nipples]].
* BattleCry:
--> 64. My paladin's battle cry is not "[[TabletopGame/Warhammer40000 Good for the Good God]]".
--> 74. My thief's battle cry is not "[[DirtyCoward Run And Live]]".
---> 75. Nor is it "You take care of the orcs, [[UtilityPartyMember I take care of the traps]]".
--> 317. My battlecry is not '[[Film/ReturnOfTheJedi Now young Skywalker you will die]]'.
--> 355. My monk's battlecry is not "[[Franchise/MortalKombat Round 1: Fight!]]"
--> 420. "For the King" is an example of a good battle cry. "Smoke the Mother" is not.
--> 485. My Mossad agent's battlecry is not "[[Film/ToraToraTora Torah, Torah, Torah]]".
--> 490. Quoting [[ParodyReligion Bob Dobbs]] while charging into battle is unusual. Quoting [[Series/TheBobNewhartShow Bob Newhart]] is right out. Quoting [[Music/BobDylan Bob Dillan]] is just silly.
--> 909. Dual wielding spike chains does not let me use the battlecry [[Series/LostInSpace "DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!"]]
--> 991. "[[WesternAnimation/WhatsOperaDoc Kiww the Wabbit]]" is not a proper viking battlecry.
--> 1011. Even if we are facing [[SnakePerson Yuan]] [[ReptilesAreAbhorrent Ti]], my battlecry cannot be [[Franchise/GIJoe "COBRA!"]]
* BavarianFireDrill: He tried it, but [[LiteralMinded he appears to have missed the point...]]
--> 1540. Can't lure out [[TabletopGame/BattleTech House Laio mechwarriors]] by announcing a Chinese Firedrill.
* BeardOfEvil:
--> 1382. Growing a goatee will not give me a bonus for sneaking into the villain's lair.
* BeastOfBattle:
--> 2001. A Saber tooth tiger is not an acceptable second in a duel.
* BeethovenWasAnAlienSpy:
--> 1918. No using the time machine to give Nostradamus a sneak peek at the future. [[NoodleIncident Again.]]
* {{BFG}}:
--> 29. I cannot have any gun that requires me to continue the damage code on back.
--> 112. If the gun can't fit through the x-ray machine, it doesn't go on the plane.
--> 192. If the gun is best fired using the artillery skill, my character is not allowed to have it.
--> 217. If the weapon is capable of staking vampires hiding behind engine blocks, I can't have it.
--> 393. If I can fit my head down the gun's barrel, I can assume it doesn't have [[AsLethalAsItNeedsToBe the non-lethal option]].[[note]]Webcomic/SchlockMercenary actually has one... A "goober" gun, with sticky ammo that could dissolve in spots to make sure the target's mouth was unblocked for breathing; used for immobilization efforts. An uplifted gorilla was able to stick ''his'' head down the barrel, and described it as "On a cold night, you could take a bath[.]" It's still not a good idea to give one to Mr. Welch, though.[[/note]]
--> 589. If my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it's vetoed if that's the Richter scale.
--> 868. I cannot have a gun with [[ArbitraryWeaponRange an area of effect larger than its range]].
--> 1144. I cannot have any gun that lets me kill the villain without being in at least an adjacent county.
--> 1216. I can't have a gun that treats buildings as light cover.
--> 1587. There is no way the [[TabletopGame/MageTheAscension Iteration X mage]] is going to make it through airport security.
--> 1666. If if takes more than five minutes for the debris to stop falling, I need to pick a smaller gun.
--> 2003. Any gun whose damage is best described in scientific notation is vetoed.
--> 2067. Can't have a gun that can inflict lethal damage with just the bullet's windshear.
* BestialityIsDepraved: {{Defied}}.
--> 2153. The "fur" and "lust" domains shall never meet.
* BigBadFriend[=/=]VitriolicBestBuds:
--> 1444. My Ally advantage and Arch Enemy flaw can't both represent the same person.
* BilingualBonus:
--> 10. Just because my character and I can speak German, doesn't mean the GM can.
--> 140. The Dutch language does not exist in the Forgotten Realms.
* BishieSparkle:
--> 988. Music/DavidBowie cannot [[{{Film/Labyrinth}} cast glitterdust at will]]. This issue is also closed.[[note]](See FanDisservice below for the ''[[BrickJoke first]]'' issue that was closed.)[[/note]]
* BlackMagic:
--> 880. Searching the dead PC for spell components is ok. Using him for spell components is not.
* BlatantLies:
--> 1023. The bluff skill is no substitute for actually knowing the spell.
--> 1179. No matter how well I make my bluff check, the Star Destroyer crew isn't going to believe I'm the new captain.
--> 1818. Can't make a bluff check to convince the monster I actually hit him.
* BloodyMurder:
--> 616. Even if they are the same clichéd acid for blood aliens, can't load my shotgun with baking powder.
* BoomHeadshot:
--> 2066. Snipers don't appreciate their spotter [[SoMuchForStealth yelling out]] "BOOM HEADSHOT!"
* BondageIsBad:
--> 28. The Goddess of Marriage's chosen weapon is not the whip.[[note]](As a comment so helpfully points out, the GM was wrong about this one. It ''is'' in fact a whip.)[[/note]]
--> 302. [[{{Stripperiffic}} A gimp suit]] does not count as leather armor.
--> 1904. Prepping for the adventure means memorizing spells and buying gear, not coming up with a [[SafeWord safety word]].
* BoobBasedGag:
--> 2232. When discussing examples of target sizes, there will be no mention of [[NippleAndDimed areolas]].
* BottomlessBladder:
--> 1185. Paladins do too urinate.
* BreadEggsMilkSquick:
--> 309. I cannot cast invisibility on random household items like car keys, tea sets, and [[AgonyOfTheFeet bear traps]].
* BreakingTheFourthWall:
--> 1934. Breaking the fourth wall doesn't require a strength check.
* BringMyBrownPants:
--> 287. When asked for advice before a fight "Don't wet yourself in public" is not what they were looking for.
--> 1345. I don't get a drama die just because the GM pees.
--> 2019. Even if the elf fails his willpower check, we don't need to change him.
--> 2195. "Bladder Control" is not an appropriate super hero power.
* BrickJoke: There are ''several'' examples.
--> 22. There is no such thing as a Gnomish Pygmy War Rhino.
---> 1284. There is no such thing as a Gnomish Pygmy Seeing Eye Rhino either.
--> 106. I do not have weapon proficiency in cat.
---> 345. I don't have weapon proficiency in elf, either.
--> 161. I will not nail every single female party member except for the elf chick played by that creepy guy.
---> 246. I cannot keep selling that creepy guy's always naked elf chick to nomads every chance I get.
--> 190. Duel wielding small animals is strictly forbidden.
---> 519. Dual wielding party members is also frowned upon.
--> 394. If the light spell expires, no lighting the dwarf.
---> 1638. Using the dwarf as a battering ram is expected. Other siege weapons not so much.
---> 2286. Can only pick two of the following for my character: dwarf berserker, battering ram, fireproof, light source.
--> 502. If my name isn't [[Franchise/{{Transformers}} Grimlock]], can't start every sentence with "[[HulkSpeak Me Grimlock]]".
---> 516. [[ObviousRulePatch Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock.]]
--> 1112. I will stop referring to the Eladrin as just the Elf Mk II.
---> 1379. I will not threaten to glue the old rules for gnomes over the new rules for Elves Mk II.
---> 2296. My gnome won't drunk call the Elf [=MkII=] that didn't make the cut in the new edition.
* BrownNote:
--> 1128. I cannot JustForFun/{{Rickroll}} people with any video that increases their [[TabletopGame/CallOfCthulhu Mythos Lore]]. [[note]](Mythos Lore [[TheseAreThingsManWasNotMeantToKnow is generally]] [[GoMadFromTheRevelation inversely proportional]] [[SanityMeter to Sanity]].)[[/note]]
* BulletCatch:
--> 1446. Even if the rules allow it, can't catch bullets with my pecs.
* BumperSticker:
--> 432. Cannot put anything featuring [[ComicStrip/{{CalvinAndHobbes}} Calvin]] on my starfighter.
* ByNoIMeanYes:
--> 1432. [[{{Metagame}} Using my prior knowledge of the adventure to force the game along]], while encouraged, is discouraged.
* TheCaligula:
--> 1762. If my character causes [[Myth/ArthurianLegend Camelot]] to look like Theatre/KingLear he dies.
* CallingYourAttacks:
--> 640. There is a limit to the number of adjectives I can attach to an uppercut.
--> 1094. My wizard does not need to [[Anime/PokemonTheSeries shout out the name of what he's summoning every time he picks a creature]].
* {{Calvinball}}:
--> 781. My tribe's trial by combat ritual is not best described as "Calvinball with axes."
* CampStraight:
--> 90. My swashbuckling fop cannot take the flaw DarkSecret: Not Gay.
* CaptainObvious:
--> 720. Don't have to include the line "And then stab them a lot" in the plan; it's already assumed.
* CarFu:
--> 687. I cannot {{backstab}} anybody with a Buick Skylark.
--> 1789. Doesn't matter what the map says, can't drive a sports car through the villain's lair.
** There's also an attempt at ''Train'' Fu:
---> 2192. The villain will eventually notice [[RammingAlwaysWorks the train tracks are starting to point]] [[DynamicEntry straight at his front door]].
* CarryABigStick:
--> 1372. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot have a monofilament sledgehammer.
--> 2028. Even if the rules allow it, [[EyeScream a called shot to the eyes]] with a sledgehammer isn't very practical.
* TheCasanova[=/=]ReallyGetsAround:
--> 362. It is very unlikely my half-ogre and the half-elf, half-dragon, tiefling and aasimar have the same dad.
--> 1849. [[LanguageEqualsThought There is too an elven word for "monogamy".]]
--> 1908. No matter what the rules say, my psychotic racist character doesn't get a permanent persuasion bonus just because she puts out.
* CastFullOfGay:
--> 1756. Despite what the module says, not every woman in this campaign is a closeted lesbian.
--> 1850. [[LanguageEqualsThought There is also an elven word for "heterosexual".]]
* CatapultToGlory:
--> 843. It doesn't matter how high his {{hit points}} or {{damage reduction}} are, we aren't sending the dwarf into battle via catapult.
* CatsHateWater:
--> 2169. Can't use a water gun to make the [[TabletopGame/{{Traveller}} Aslan]] follow orders.
--> 2344. Every time the catgirl fails a skill check, I won't spritz her with the water bottle as punishment.
* CelebrityCameo:
--> 952. [[Film/DarkCity Kiefer Sutherland does not make numerous cameos in my character's background telling him he's destined for greatness.]]
--> 1199. Creator/StanLee does not have to make a cameo appearance in every single adventure.
* ChainsawGood:
--> 240. Any character with more than three skills specializing in chainsaw is vetoed.
--> 618. No matter how much my humanity loss, a chainsaw is not [[VideoGame/GearsOfWar a substitute for a bayonet]].
* CharacterAlignment:[[invoked]]
--> 122. The paladin's alignment is not [[LawfulStupid Lawful Anal]].
--> 218. No matter my alignment, organizing halfling pit fights is a violation.
--> 413. The ChaoticNeutral alignment [[ChaoticStupid is forever closed to me]].
--> 460. [[BadPowersGoodPeople I'd better have a real good excuse for being a necromancer]] if I'm {{lawful good}}.
--> 476. The alignment of [[KidsAreCruel 2 years olds]] is not automatically NeutralEvil.
--> 863. Even if there is no alignment in TabletopGame/{{Traveller}}, giving feuding [[TechnologyLevels TL]]1 tribes [[TechnologyLevels TL]]12 weapons and putting the results on PPV is just wrong.
--> 1059. Even if the villain is LawfulEvil, slapping a cease-and-desist order on him isn't going to work.
--> 1420. Doing 50 in a 45 does not cause an alignment check for the paladin.
--> 1592. If the Solar [[WhatTheHellHero cringes]], it's time to reassess my alignment.
--> 1683. Killing the orc horde by drowning them [[AMillionIsAStatistic all at once]] is heroic. Killing them by drowning them [[ForcedToWatch one at a time]] is an alignment check.
--> 1929. Creator/AynRand has no effect on my alignment.
--> 2103. Even if he is LawfulEvil, the villain isn't going to respond to a jury summons.
--> 2312. You can only make so many [[GroinAttack called shots to the groin]] until it's an alignment check.
* CheeseEatingSurrenderMonkeys:
--> 637. German characters do not get a +4 racial bonus to intimidate French characters.
--> 1555. No matter how well I roll on my Intimidate check, France won't surrender.
* CherryTapping: Acceptable in and of itself, but...
--> 82. Victory laps after killing the dragon with my 1d2 bow is considered in poor taste.
* ChessWithDeath:
--> 1859. No challenging Death to a game of TabletopGame/TicTacToe until he gets bored and quits, ensuring my immortality.
--> 2309. If I challenge Death to a game, picking ''TabletopGame/CampaignForNorthAfrica'' doesn't ensure immortality.
--> 2383. When challenging Death to a game, [=GMing=] ''TabletopGame/{{Paranoia}}'' doesn't grant immortality.
* ChronicBackstabbingDisorder:
--> 1816. The Druid doesn't [[StupidNeutral have to change sides every time the tide changes]].
* ChurchOfHappyology:
--> 2260. My [[Franchise/DragonAge Qunari]] cannot join the Church of Giantology.
* CombatMedic: Plan A - don't get hurt.
--> 233. If I am the medtech [[NotThatKindOfDoctor it is generally assumed I am going to have skill in medicine]].
--> 271. [[InstantDramaJustAddTracheotomy Tracheotomies]] are best left to characters with skills in medicine.
--> 498. A firefight is not the best time to tell the party my Medtech has a fear of blood.
--> 520. Under no circumstances is my medical droid allowed [[NotWhatItLooksLike a groin-mounted rectal thermometer]].
--> 1159. If I don’t have any points in medtech, I can’t try faith healing.
--> 1349. I will not program the medical droid for "aggressive dentistry."
--> 1909. Combat boots don't give bonuses to CPR checks.
* CombatPragmatist:
--> 80. When accepting a challenge for a duel, I must allow the other guy time to find a pistol.
--> 194. When the other guy picks swords for the choice of weapons, that does not leave me pistols.
--> 363. When challenged to a showdown, I'm meant to face him at 10 paces with pistols, not 10 blocks with a [[{{BFG}} Sharpe's Big .50]].
--> 633. When told to choose my weapon in a duel with the assassin, can't pick his weapon.
--> 692. The [[Film/RaidersOfTheLostArk Dr. Jones]] [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim School of Swordfighting]] is not an appropriate Swordsman's School.
--> 767. When challenged to a high noon shoot-out, that means in the time zone I'm currently in.
--> 1753. No challenging sleeping people to a duel.
--> 2339. When providing pistols for a duel, they both can't be fingerprint locked just to me.
* CombiningMecha:
--> 130. I am not authorized to [[{{Anime/Voltron}} form the head]].
--> 1462. Dwarves do not have the racial ability [[FusionDance to merge into a larger, more powerful dwarf.]]
* CompanionCube: There are limits.
--> 2209. My techpriest will refrain from developing emotional attachments to the ordnance.
* ComplainingAboutRescuesTheyDontLike:
--> 523. When I'm rescued the correct response is "thank you" not "took your freaking time!"
* ConservationOfNinjutsu:
--> 714. I do not get a bulk discount on ninjas.
* ConspicuouslyPublicAssassination:
--> 1779. Using [[NukeEm nuclear weapons]] in assassinations is [[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill just being lazy]].
* ContagiousPowers:
--> 950. The ability to give superpowers to characters is acceptable. Naming the character Captain Franchise is not.
* ContractualBossImmunity:
--> 1062. Even if I think of something the Demi-lich isn't immune to, he's immune to it.[[note]]As an undead, a demilich is subject to ReviveKillsZombie. This usually doesn't matter due to a demilich's phenomenal spell resistance and other defenses, but none of the demilich's spells or innate qualities provide any protection from a paladin's HealingHands. (On the other hand, a paladin is limited in just how much damage they can heal (or deal to undead) per day with their HealingHands, so a single paladin probably can't wipe out a demilich on their own unless their healing pool is unusually massive.)[[/note]]
--> 1790. Can't find the villain just by casting [[http://dnd-wiki.org/wiki/SRD:Power_Word_Stun power word stun]] in the bar [[ExploitedTrope and seeing who's still standing]].
* CoolAndUnusualPunishment:
--> 604. If my alignment forbids torture, that includes [[SuckinessIsPainful Gnomish Poetry Slams]].
* CountingBullets:
--> 1528. I can't ask the bad guy if I fired 40,000 rounds or just 39,999.
* CPRCleanPrettyReliable: Minus the Clean, Pretty, and Reliable part, of course.
--> 1909. Combat boots don't give bonuses to CPR checks.
* CrazyCatLady:
--> 1632. I will not blow all my starting cash on just house cats.
* CreatorsPet: [[invoked]]Knows how to take advantage of them.
--> 1982. If the GM's pet NPC has tons of PlotArmor, can't use her for cover.
* CripplingOverspecialization:
--> 1480. I will not add the restriction "only to cook eggs" to any of my super powers.
--> 1723. My martial arts style is vetoed if it's just thirty different ways to [[GroinAttack hit a guy in the jewels]].
* {{Crossover}}:
--> 21. No longer allowed to recreate the [[Film/ANewHope Death Star Trench Run]] out of genre.
--> 280. Thermonuclear hand grenades do not exist in any genre except ''TabletopGame/{{Paranoia}}''.
* CrowdSong:
--> 940. I will not abuse the Exemplary virtue to set up highly choreographed dance routines with random crowds.
* CutenessProximity:
--> 2053. If the GM is a woman, can't play a space otter to gain cute points.
* CuttingTheKnot: To think outside of the box, it seems he cuts his way out with a chainsaw.
--> 367. No using excessive firepower to force the plot along.
--> 400. Check the door means to listen at it, not put several rounds through it.
--> 417. The solution to all my problems is not [[TabletopGame/WerewolfTheApocalypse Crinos]].
--> 580. A sledgehammer does not give any bonus to my search for secret doors roll.
--> 608. The answer to 'who's got point?' is not the [[KillItWithFire fire]][[StuffBlowingUp ball]].
--> 694. Search the old castle means enter it, not level it with artillery and dig through the rubble.
--> 840. Even if it would have immediately solved the last six adventures, I won't throw dynamite in every well I come across.
--> 1019. Even if we have more ammo than fuel, I still have to cut down the tree with the chainsaw, not the HMG.
--> 1267. The lockpicking kit must be more than a [[ShootOutTheLock sawed off shotgun.]]
--> 1439. If the top floor is too well defended, can't just blow off the next to top floor.
--> 1843. Can't [[DeathFromAbove land the drop pod]] [[SquashedFlat on the villain]].
--> 1845. I will use the security skill to open the door, even if it's easier to just rip it off its hinges.
--> 1907. No putting the villain's fake bio on Match.com and letting [[StalkerWithACrush the stalkers]] do my work for me.
* CyberneticsEatYourSoul:
--> 348. The rest of the party appreciates it if I don't start the game in Cyberpsychosis.
--> 369. Not supposed to stop the soon to be cyberpsycho by disassembling him earlier in the adventure.
--> 1515. The Pope does not have cyberpsychosis.
* DamselInDistress: As if being a damsel in distress wasn't humiliating enough, Mr. Welch has a tendency to take away what little remains of their dignity.
--> 1151. Our mission is to rescue the princess. Not to [[Music/JustinTimberlake bring Sexy back]].
--> 1735. "Come here often?" is not what you say when rescuing the princess from the necromancer's dungeon.
* TheDandy:
--> 90. My swashbuckling fop cannot take the flaw DarkSecret: Not Gay.
* DatingCatwoman:
--> 1673. I will not start dating another character's archenemy.
* DeadGuyPuppet:
--> 813. Taking the orc warlord's skull as a trophy is acceptable. Not as a hand puppet.
* DeaderThanDead: He's been threatened with this penalty for some of his... ''exceptionally'' outlandish antics.
--> 552. If my character's drow wife finds I let my niece appear in a Gnomes Gone Wild Video, [[UnstoppableRage my death will not even warrant a saving throw]].
--> 2032. If I ever trick the DM into telling us the only way to make money mining is [[DoubleEntendre to work the shaft]], all my characters die. Not just in this game either.
* DeadpanSnarker:
--> 2072. Power Word Sarcasm is not a real spell.
* DealWithTheDevil:
--> 1570. No signing infernal contracts in disappearing ink.
--> 1597. Devils don't appreciate natural 20's on a bargain check.
* DefiedTrope[=/=]EnforcedTrope: The [=GMs=] to what he does. (We're not putting examples here because we'd pretty much just be copy-pasting the rest of this page.)
* DeliberatelyBadExample: Mr. Welch is this to the standard role player, and even by murderhobo/chaotic-player-[[ForTheLulz seeking-fun-at-any-cost]] standards he [[InsultToRocks is occasionally taking it too far]].
--> 1683. Killing the orc horde by drowning them all at once is heroic. Killing them by drowning them one at a time is an alignment check.
* DespairEventHorizon: Caused one in the players themselves.
--> 1903. No ruining the game by informing the DM [[Series/MightyMorphinPowerRangers the Yellow Power Ranger]] is dead.
* DestinationDefenestration:
--> 272. No skill allows specializing in defenestration.
* DepravedDentist:
--> 2178. Despite what you think, the profession: Dentist can't [[JackBauerInterrogationTechnique substitute for the interrogation skill]].
* DidWeJustHaveTeaWithCthulhu: The DM does not recommend invoking this trope.
--> 1327. Just because [[StarfishAliens the Great Race of Yith’s]] effect on sanity is minimal, doesn’t mean I should invite them over for dinner with the folks.
* DidYouJustFlipOffCthulhu:
--> 411. It is bad form to shoot a god while he's monologuing.
--> 1513. I will not shoot a Great Old One just to say I did it.
* DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu:
--> 1421. Gods don't tap out.
* DigitalPiracyIsEvil: Exploited.
--> 1206. In the middle of a Black Ops I can't [[{{Frameup}} download several thousand songs on the target's computer and then call the RIAA]].
* DireBeast:
--> 163. Not allowed to try and make a dire version of any dog of the toy breeds.
* DistractedByTheSexy:
--> 2134. Before resorting to burlesque, we will explore all other options on how to sneak past the security camera.
* DivideByZero:
--> 1871. No tricking the techpriest into dividing by zero.
* DodgeballIsHell:
--> 277. My half-ogre cannot surprise the halflings with spontaneous games of dodgeball.
* DoppelgangerSpin:
--> 1501. I will not take the mirror image spell literally and just shoot the wizard that's not left-handed.
* DoubleEntendre:
--> 45. My character names are not allowed to be double entendres.
--> 2032. If I ever trick the DM into telling us the only way to make money mining is to work the shaft, all my characters die. Not just in this game either.
--> 2370. I will keep the amount of sexual innuendos to a minimum in [[TheFunInFuneral the autopsy report]].
* DreadfulMusician:
--> 52. My bard does not know how to play Inna Godda Davida on marachas.
--> 139. My bard is required to take levels in the perform skill and cannot 'just play by ear'.
--> 202. Character descriptions cannot contain two of the following words: Slavic, Tonedeaf, Karaoke, Musician.
--> 1028. My character has mastery level in singing. I do not.
* DrenchCelebration:
** In Mr. Welch's list of ''100 Ways to Annoy Wargamers,'' #48 is dumping a glass of Gatorade on your commander model when you win.
** Some of Welch's spins on this trope are downright frightening:
---> 963. After [[CriticalHit critting]] with a cannon, we can't dump a barrel of gunpowder over the gunner's mate.
---> 1733. Dousing a character in beer is acceptable after a victory. [[ManOnFire Then setting him on fire]] is not.
* DrivenToSuicide: Apparently, this happens ''far'' too easily.
--> 316. My character is not allowed to commit suicide five minutes into the campaign.
* DropTheCow: Attempted and shot down.
--> 1549. The totalitarian government tends to notice large purchases of cows, trebuchets and surveying gear.
* DungeonBypass: A good number of the entries on the list. These include but are certainly not limited to...
--> 38. When investigating evil {{cult}}ists not allowed to just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside.
--> 50. Not allowed to use thermodynamic science to asphyxiate the orcs' cave instead of exploring it first.
--> 694. Search the old castle means enter it, not level it with artillery and dig through the rubble.
--> 1661. Cleaning out the dungeon means more than just backing up a cement truck to the window.
--> 1715. Can't just wizard lock the villain's throne room and come back in two weeks after he's starved to death.[[note]]Granted, [[VillainTeleportation this isn't very likely to work if the villain is magically inclined...]][[/note]]
--> 2096. We aren't looking at the various kingdoms' tax rates before deciding where to dungeon crawl.
--> 2114. I can't clear out a dungeon by just throwing a ball down the entrance and telling the Nomad warjack to fetch.
--> 2470. If ordered to see if anybody is in a building, no setting it on fire and seeing if anybody runs out.
* DungeonmastersGirlfriend: Apparently the cause of strife more than once.
--> 421. I will not convince the GM's noob GF to play a [[AxCrazy psychotic]] [[BloodKnight combat monster]].
--> 435. No bribing the DM's new GF with chocolate so he'll go easy on us.
--> 1066. If the GM's wife is in the party, I'm not allowed to hunt anything cute.
--> 1347. Hooking up with the gamer chick the Storyteller was angling for gets me banned from the game.
--> 1905. No nailing the GM's girlfriend's character.
** [[InvertedTrope It works in favor of the players as well]]:
---> 2077. If I abandon the game for alone time with my fiance, my PC dies. Ask me if I freaking care.
----> 2078. Just because the DM prefers D&D to alone time with a smoking hot fiance doesn't mean the party gets to question his gender preference.
* DugTooDeep:
--> 2376. The Dwarven work ethic is not just "Dig until we hit evil."
* DynamicEntry: [[SurprisinglyRealisticOutcome Uh]], [[AwesomeButImpractical nope.]]
--> 2192. The villain will eventually notice the train tracks are starting to point [[RammingAlwaysWorks straight at his front door.]]
* DysfunctionJunction:
--> 690. Mordenkainen's Dysfunctional Family is not a real spell.
* TheEasyWayOrTheHardWay: He tends to get them mixed up.
--> 1633. If Plan A was 'Beat it out of him', Plan B can't be 'Just ask nicely'.
* EatMe:
--> 2093. Can't trick the dragon into swallowing a shrunken dire porcupine and then ending the spell while he swallows.
* ElmuhFuddSyndwome:
--> 991. "Kiww the Wabbit" is not a proper viking battlecry.
* EnemyToAllLivingThings:
--> 688. Even if the rules allow it, my Paladin cannot have the flaw: Hatred- All living things.
* EpicFail:
--> 1708. No bringing up the time we were nearly [[TotalPartyKill TPK'd]] by a jerboa.
** Someone else provided an example in the comments:
--->[[ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy If you attack a whale with a shotgun and miss, from the inside, you probably should re-roll your character.]]
* EpicFlail:
--> 1139. My weapon is a +3 Flaming Flail. Not my Great Balls of Fire.
* EpilepticFlashingLights:
--> 1188. Flash Bangs are not to be handed out to trick or treaters.
--> 2231. The spell is called Dancing Lights, not Detect Epilepsy.
* EstablishingCharacterMoment: The very first entry lets you know just what sort of person Mr. Welch is.
--> 1. Cannot base characters off Music/TheWho's drummer [[AllDrummersAreAnimals Keith]] [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keith_Moon#Destructive_behaviour Moon]].
* EvenEvilHasStandards:
--> 231. I am not allowed to do anything that would make a Sith Lord cry.
** He also seems to have a particular dislike for pedophiles:
---> 1520. I will tell the noobs the storyteller wasn't joking about [[GroinAttack kicking people in the jewels]] for macking on {{Jailbait|Taboo}}.
---> 1665. [[WhatADrag I will not forget to uncuff the pedophile from outside the car before driving back to the station.]]
---> 1823. Despite what you'd think, [[PaedoHunt taking out a child molester with extreme prejudice]] doesn't restore my humanity.
* EveryBulletIsATracer:
--> 545. No going 100% tracer round on the HMG just because I like the pretty colors.
* EveryCarIsAPinto:
--> 1482. Even if Detroit can do it, I can't add the trait "Randomly bursts into flame" to my car.
* EverythingMakesAMushroom: Especially his fireball spells.
--> 1606. If my fireballs always form a mushroom cloud, time to tone it down a bit.
* EverythingsDeaderWithZombies: Don't get bitten when he's around.
--> 27. I am not to shoot every corpse in the head to make sure they aren't a zombie in TabletopGame/{{Twilight 2000}}.
--> 443. Zombies are not infectious in D&D. So I should stop shooting [=PCs=] in the head if they are bitten.
* EvilCounterpart: Inverted.
--> 325. Even if he was a [[TheParagon paragon]] [[AllLovingHero of]] [[BigGood humanity]] in his alternate dimension, Good [[UsefulNotes/AdolfHitler Hitler]] is not an appropriate superhero concept.
* EvilLawyerJoke:
--> 931. There are no alignment restrictions on becoming a lawyer.
* ExcuseMeWhileIMultitask:
--> 2033. Even if the rules allow it, I can't conduct a television interview and maintain a choke hold at the same time.
* ExperiencePoints: Has more than a few ideas of how to earn more.
--> 108. No, I do not get XP for every single crewman on that Star Destroyer.
--> 299. I do not get any XP for anyone I kill by stampeding sheep.
--> 358. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot make a character that gets double XP per game for showing up.
--> 530. I cannot earn bonus XP for 'catching air' with an MBT. So stop trying.
--> 643. Even if the rules allow it, I can't gain 1,000,000 XP with one forged check.
--> 676. My character's primary purpose in the party is not to just leech 1/6 of all the XP.
--> 809. I don't earn the bonus XP for a written background if it's just a summary of the plot to Dig-Dug.
--> 1132. There will be no more debating how much XP [[Literature/TheLionTheWitchAndTheWardrobe Mr. Tumnus]] would be worth.
--> 1177. I will stop asking {{NPC}}s how much XP they are worth.
--> 1215. If I'm just a few XP from 16th level, I can't just cast fireballs at random forests until I hit something.
--> 1678. I don't get any XP for anything I killed in a flashback.
--> 1690. I don't get double XP if I kill the monster with explosive decompression.
--> 2174. If another PC dies, no bonus xp for going through all 7 stages of grief before the end of the session.
* ExpertInUnderwaterBasketWeaving: {{Exaggerated|Trope}} and overlapping with MasterOfNone:
--> 5. Not allowed to blow all my skill points on 1pt professional skills.
* ExplosiveLeash: More like "booby-trapped weapons", actually.
--> 1067. I do not get to put remote detonation switches into the weapons of any PC’s I build them for.
* {{Expy}}: The #1 entry prevents him from basing characters on [[Music/TheWho Keith Moon]].
--> 303. I cannot gradually describe my character more and more until it's obvious I'm describing Creator/BurtReynolds.
--> 452. Not allowed to convince the entire party to base the group only off Gary Oldman characters.
--> 493. I will not base any Media character off [[ComicStrip/BloomCounty Milo Bloom]].
--> 1721. The minute the GM figures out my Inquisitor is [[Series/LawAndOrder Lennie Briscoe]], he dies.
--> 2124. The DM will notice if the entire party is named after the Houston Texans offensive line.
--> 2157. Doesn't matter if we all have different costumes and names, the group is vetoed if it's clear we're all Film/{{Thor}}.
* ExtremeOmnisexual:
--> 1529. There is no such thing as a Thirty-Sevensexual.
* ExtremeOmnivore: Besides his ImAHumanitarian tendencies, Mr. Welch's characters like stretching the definition of "food".
--> 275. I must remember at dinner time Rock is not a dwarven delicacy.
---> 276. I must remember at dinner time Log is not an elven delicacy.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:F-J]]
* FailedASpotCheck:
--> 722. Can't intentionally fail all my secret door checks so I don't have to play TabletopGame/TombOfHorrors again.
* FanDisservice:
--> 366. Female minotaurs do not have udders. This issue is closed.
--> 1024. Slings make poor thongs. [[JokeWeapon And vice versa.]]
--> 1278. An elf wardancer chick in nothing but body paint is totally hot. A Vesten berserker in nothing but body paint not so much.
--> 1283. For the last time, the elf wears the [[{{Meido}} maid]] disguise and the troll wears the bouncer disguise.
--> 1328. The very concept of a Hutt lap dancer will earn me a dark side point.
--> 1378. We will limit the total amount of conversation on the topic of "Hot Gnome on Gnome action."
--> 1813. My troll's biography will not include the phrase 'sweet, sweet love'.
--> 2163. Before starting an underwear clad pillow fight, I must first make sure the party is not all dwarves.
* FanonDiscontinuity: [[invoked]]
--> 1297. There is a 100xp penalty every time we remind the GM of the WesternAnimation/BionicSix.
--> 1559. Any mention of [[Film/TheStarWarsHolidaySpecial Life Day]] gets everybody a dark side point.
* FantasticRaceWeaponAffinity: PlayedForLaughs in some entries, mostly stating that a given race or culture does not, in fact, have a racial proficiency in some absurd or highly specific weapon.
* {{Fartillery}}:
--> 177. Stinking Cloud is a privilege, not a right.
--> 1812. Not using any emission from the barbarian as flamethrower fuel.
* FatBastard:
--> 53. Not allowed to start a drow character weighing more than a quarter ton.
* FearlessFool:
--> 374. I am not to combine the advantage Fearless and the disadvantage Curious in the same character again.
* FencePainting:
--> 592. No matter how well I roll, other [=PCs=] cannot be haggled into paying me to perform errands for me.
* {{Fetish}}:
--> 2009. I will make sure when the GM asks what my fetish is if he means voodoo bag or brunettes with short hair.
* FlippingTheBird:
--> 862. Bigby's Offensive Finger is not a real spell.
* FluffyTamer:
--> 2113. I can't saddle break: A dire troll, a Kodiak warjack, or the Butcher.
* ForeignCussWord: Not banned in and of itself, but...
--> 2407. I can't save points on learning a new language by just learning only the profanity.
* FootballHooligans:
--> 512. The nationality of my favorite soccer team does not add to my Brawl Skill.
* {{Frameup}}: Mr. Welch is fond of adding insult to injury on black-ops missions.
--> 266. At the end of a black-ops, I cannot crank call C-SWAT on the target's phone.
--> 1206. In the middle of a Black Ops I can't [[DigitalPiracyIsEvil download several thousand songs on the target's computer and then call the RIAA]].
** Of course, Mr. Welch doesn't limit invoking this trope to black-ops missions:
---> 482. No uploading porn to my CO's HUD.
* FridgeLogic:[[invoked]]
--> 1355. [[LogicBomb Pointing out the massive plothole in the villain's plan]] [[VillainousBreakdown is not going to stop her from attacking.]]
* FullBoarAction: [[NoodleIncident Not allowed anymore.]]
--> 93. I am to remind my [[GameMaster DM]] that he must never, ever give my [[ThePaladin paladin]] a [[DireBeast dire boar]] for [[HorseOfADifferentColor a mount]] again.
* FullFrontalAssault:
--> 554. Even though armor gives him no benefit, my monk still has to wear something.
--> 1278. An elf wardancer chick in nothing but body paint is totally hot. A Vesten berserker in nothing but body paint not so much.
--> 1768. My monk can't convince the bad guys to go streaking with him just so they're easy to beat up later.
* GagPenis: Possibly implied.
--> 301. "Well Hung" is not a physical, social or mental trait.
--> 1367. Gnomes are not [[GagPenis nature's tripods]].
* GameBreaker: Numerous times In-Universe.
--> 69. There is more to wizardry than magic missile. Even if I can do 200 damage [[AlwaysAccurateAttack automatic]] with [[NoSavingThrow no save]].
--> 1452. Despite its phenomenal success rate, a multi-melta is not the solution to all my problems.
--> 2082. No matter how successful, our party has to be more than a wizard and 5 pikemen.
* GameplayAndStorySegregation: Subverted.
--> 360. I must remind the GM that my Blessed can Raise Dead before he runs another murder mystery again.
* GangstaStyle: The page quote.
--> 1033. Holding the hand crossbow sideways 'gangsta style' does not add to my intimidate check.
* GargleBlaster:
--> 2047. Dwarven ale does not double as jet fuel, industrial solvent or colic medicine.
* GatlingGood:
--> 160. I will not load any gatling weapon with [[NerfArm nothing but paint rounds]].
--> 1257. No, the answer to the problem is not [[MoreDakka to make a gatling gun]] [[StuffBlowingUp out of bazookas.]]
--> 1722. No building a Gatling Gatling gun.
--> 2104. They don't make civilian models of chain guns.
* GenderBender: [[{{Hermaphrodite}} Restricted to male or female.]]
* GenderBlenderName:
--> 2011. There is no easy way to tell a guy he named his genetically engineered uber space Mongolian after Genghis Khan's wife.
* GeniusDitz: Mr. Welch knows a myriad of ways to bypass the dungeon, [[RulesLawyer can take advantage of the rules in multiple ways]], is apparently skilled enough to get a whole lot of damage out of his weapons/spells, is implied to be smart enough to solve most plots in a matter of minutes, can wish his way past any genie, and is incredibly GenreSavvy and capable of easily solving grand plots. He is also a huge loonie who has [[AbnormalAmmo strange ideas about ammo]], is completely AxCrazy, seems to think that all elves are gay (and [[ScrewYouElves holds a grudge against them]]), [[ChaoticStupid has a near-pathological need]] to [[OffTheRails derail games]], and is [[ExtremeOmnivore quite happy to eat anything the party comes across, including dead party members]]. Basically, the only defense a GM has against him is Rule Zero and the List.
* GeniusBruiser:
--> 181. I cannot quote Shakespeare in [[TabletopGame/WerewolfTheApocalypse Crinos]].
--> 2180. Even if I can justify a Viking with a maxed out legal skill, that doesn't give him a law degree. [[note]]This is actually TruthInTelevision, as the Vikings had an incredibly advanced legal system for their time. However, given that they were [[ProudWarriorRaceGuy a culture of]] {{Blood Knight}}s, they tended to reserve their legal system for petty disputes and used TrialByCombat to decide major cases.[[/note]]
--> 2525. I will stop putting all my [[DumbMuscle Ogryn]]'s XP into buying advanced mathematics skills.
* GenkiGirl[=/=]{{Keet}}: This seems to be how he plays elves.
--> 48. The elf is restricted to decaf for the rest of the adventure.
* GenreSavvy: For his [=GMs=], at least.
--> 336. Cannot start a [[TabletopGame/CallofCthulhu Cthulu]] character with a pre-existing hatred of [[TomeOfEldritchLore books]], [[HumanSacrifice altars]] and [[ArsonMurderAndJayWalking cutlery]].
--> 840. Even if it would have immediately solved the last six adventures, I won't [[StuffBlowingUp throw dynamite in every well I come across]].
--> 977. Disable plot device is not a real skill.
--> 1046. We can't [[SaveTheVillain stabilize the dying villain]] before we make our escape just in case he was [[LoadBearingBoss a load bearing villain.]]
* GiantFlyer:
--> 2122. The reason elves live in forests is not to protect them from [[DeathFromAbove eagles that swoop down]] and [[KidnappingBirdOfPrey grab them up]].
* GirlOnGirlIsHot:
--> 1366. I will not use the mass suggestion spell to make the elf babes to make out.
* TheGMIsACheatingBastard: A lot of the entries on the list imply that the GM Mr. Welch plays with is this, and some of the rules are there to keep him from wrecking campaigns.
--> 2056. Can't stealthfully follow the villainous wizard and backstab him every time he tries to cast a spell, even if every rogue in the world does it to our wizard.
* {{GMPC}}: Mr. Welch refuses to give these any respect.
--> 13. Must not murder canon {{NPC}}s in their sleep, no matter how cliche they are.
--> 832. I will not run up my bar tab and then skip out leaving the DM's super {{NPC}} to foot the bill.
--> 1982. If the GM's pet NPC has tons of PlotArmor, can't use her for cover.
* GoMadFromTheRevelation: Or from witnessing pure depravity, apparently.
--> 2357. Website/FourChan does not cause more sanity loss than Cthulhu.
* AGodIsYou:
--> 158. I will not declare myself a god just so I can grant myself spells.
--> 169. I am neither the pagan god nor goddess of fertility.
--> 575. Even if I'm a near immortal demi-god with the power to create entire worlds with a thought, still bad to throw a party when Dad's away without permission.
--> 723. If my character is related to a god, it can't be as a parent.
* GodTest: Inverted.
--> 1959. No using the time machine to make Christ the keynote speaker at an atheist convention.
* GodzillaThreshold: Extra care must be taken not to cross it with this guy around...
--> 1192. My last wish cannot be for [[UltimateShowdownOfUltimateDestiny a cage match between Cthulhu, Godzilla, Galactus and the Tarrasque]].
* GoingCommando:
--> 88. My bard does not get a bonus to perform if she is obviously not wearing anything under her tabard.
* GoldenMeanFallacy:
--> 1339. If unsure of what side of the road we drive on, the middle of the road is not a healthy compromise.
* {{Golem}}: Adds a few more that the Monster Manual "forgot".
--> 455. Styrofoam is not an appropriate component for golems.
--> 691. No matter what the kids say, animated balloon animals is a poor use of the Create Golem feat.
--> 967. There is no such thing as a Tequila Golem.
--> 2061. Note to self: Pinata golems are a bad idea.
* GoodOldFisticuffs:
--> 2214. Deer season is restricted to rifles or bows, not brass knuckles.
* GrapplingWithGrapplingRules:
--> 999. I can't train squirrel mobs to abuse the grapple rules. [[labelnote:Explanation]]This is primarily a reference to 3rd ed. [[TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons Advanced Dungeons & Dragons]], which allowed dozens of tiny creatures to gang up on large ones, each one gaining a significant bonus for every other combatant. Or at least, allowing sixteen grapple rolls, one of which will inevitably be a CriticalHit. Granted, the latter doesn't help on a grapple check if their modifier is too low to win even then, which is why the true {{Munchkin}} trains the squirrels to use the Aid Another action. Those that make a successful attack against a flat AC of 10 (probably about three out of four squirrels) each grant a stacking +2 bonus on the character's grapple check (or attack roll or armor class, at the squirrel's option).[[/labelnote]]
* GratuitousForeignLanguage: German, Dutch, Japanese(-sounding [[AsLongAsItSoundsForeign gibberish]])...
* GrievousHarmWithABody:
--> 106. I do not have weapon proficiency in cat.
--> 190. Duel wielding small animals is strictly forbidden.
--> 207. The following weapons are not legal choices in a duel: [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking Steamroller, Nerve Gas, Landmine, Midget]].
--> 345. [[BrickJoke I don't have weapon proficiency in elf, either.]]
--> 519. [[BrickJoke Dual wielding party members is also frowned upon.]]
--> 1880. Elves are not piercing weapons by default.
--> 1963. If I can't use the dwarf to beat a guy to death, that includes beating him against the dwarf.
--> 2494. [[SnakeWhip Gaining weapon mastery in the whip and earning a venomous snake as my animal companion are mutually exclusive achievements.]]
* GroinAttack:
--> 248. There is no Halfling god of groin shots.
--> 541. When prompted for a target by the guided missile "the naughty bits" is not a valid choice.
--> 1457. I will remember the Japanese response to uncomfortable situations is to giggle, not a kick in the kiwis.
--> 1723. My martial arts style is vetoed if it's just thirty different ways to hit a guy in the jewels.
--> 2311. No matter what it would do to his spell casting chances, I can't cast shrink on the necromancer's undies.
--> 2312. You can only make so many called shots to the groin until it's an alignment check.
* GroundhogDayLoop:
--> 1193. I will avoid making wishes that lock the game in an infinite time loop.
* TheGuardsMustBeCrazy:
--> 1947. Can't use teleport to [[{{Gaslighting}} convince the villain's henchmen he's seeing things]].
* GunFu: [[AvertedTrope Averted.]]
--> 1308. Everybody was not [[{{Pun}} gun-fu fighting]].
* HairMetal:
--> 910. I will not convince the entire party to play rockerboys so we can be a [[Music/{{Europe}} Europe cover band]].
* HairTriggerTemper:
--> 34. I am not allowed to base any Droid off any character played by Creator/JoePesci.
--> 876. If I want to play a rampaging nordic warrior and get handed a treehugging elf hippie instead, I can't play her like a rampaging nordic warrior.
* HalfHumanHybrid:
--> 224. I cannot insinuate elf chicks are all easy, even though you never hear about a half gnome do you?
* HardDrinkingPartyGirl:
--> 1749. If my character is a hard drinking, hard partying Muslim chick, it's vetoed if she's clearly my Ex.
* HealingHands: Which are apparently rather... ''naughty''.
--> 1272. My Paladin can be charged with sexual harassment if he doesn't watch exactly where he lays on hands.
* HealingShiv:
--> 1702. Even if it's historical[ly] accurate, can't try to heal someone by cutting them.
* HellBentForLeather:
--> 822. If everybody in the room is in black leather, we're in the thieves' guild. Not a fetish club.
* HeroInsurance:
--> 17. Collateral Damage Man is not an appropriate name for a super hero.
--> 1792. Let's keep the collateral damage to under a billion dollars.
* HeWhoMustNotBeHeard:
--> 201. My thief is prohibited from speaking solely in Cant.
* HighlyVisibleNinja:
--> 1189. A stagehand does not get a better sneak bonus than ninjas.
--> 1839. Even if the rules say otherwise, a huge back banner with an arrow pointing down at me causes a penalty to stealth checks.
* HitlersTimeTravelExemptionAct:
--> 228. I cannot use my time machine to [[YouNeedToGetLaid hire Hitler a hooker]] in 1920, thus avoiding [=WW2=].
--> 1317. My character will refrain from appearing with Hitler in any history books. Especially if I'm chasing him with a wheat thresher.
* HitPoints:
--> 31. The backup trap handler is not whoever has the most HP at the time.
---> 824. The back up trap handler is not the guy with the lowest INT.
* HiveMind: Ninjas do not have them.
--> 1043. Ninjas do not have a hive mind.
* HoistByHisOwnPetard:
--> 612. Every time [[YetAnotherStupidDeath a PC takes himself out through his own stupidity]] does not let me sing [[Film/WillyWonkaAndTheChocolateFactory the Oompa-Loompa song]].
--> 2332. When asked why the Feywild isn't in the campaign, "self inflicted nuclear holocaust" isn't the right answer.
* HollywoodTourettes:
--> 189. Tourette's is not a flaw, it is a reason to kill the character at creation.
* HongKongDub:
--> 9. My monk's lips must be in sync.
* HorseOfADifferentColor:
--> 22. There is no such thing as a Gnomish Pygmy War Rhino.
---> 1284. There is no such thing as a Gnomish Pygmy Seeing Eye Rhino either.
* HotBloodedSideburns:
--> 1465. My sideburns cannot earn their own fear rating.
* HulkSpeak: Banned.
--> 502. If my name isn't [[Franchise/{{Transformers}} Grimlock]], can't start every sentence with "Me Grimlock".
---> 516. [[ObviousRulePatch Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock.]]
* HumanChess:
--> 1944. Even if the King is represented by a miniature, I can't put him in checkmate.
** There's also a case of human TabletopGame/{{checkers}}:
---> 1887. If I use the leap skill to individually jump over every goon in the room, when I reach the other side I can't demand to be made royalty.
* HumanSacrifice: Not appreciated by good gods.
--> 1700. Even if the rules allow it, LawfulGood deities don't appreciate human sacrifices to them.
* HumanShield:
--> 376. The barbarian must remember that 'human shield' is a figure of speech.
--> 546. Dead party members, while effective, are not [[JumpingOnAGrenade appropriate anti-grenade measures]].
* HypocriticalHumor: Welch apparently hates [[{{Munchkin}} powergamers]] enough to get told not to do various things that horribly mess up their game plans... and then just a bit further on he'll get admonished against using a horrifying GameBreaker build/weapon/tactic/etc. of his own. (Granted, those tactics are usually [[RefugeInAudacity highly imaginative]].)
--> 897. Any action causing the powergamer to storm off, while actually appreciated, is frowned upon.
** He's also "not allowed to call the power run game 'generic dungeon hack and slash 7'", so presumably he more or less hates playing a tabletop game just for the statistics rather than role-playing.
** A few items on his list qualify as well:
---> 268. Mr. Welch is not allowed to speak in third person.
---> 506. Mjy Vjikjing Skjald wjill njot tjake ljibjertjies wjith thje rjunjic ajlphjabjet.
---> 1455. Like a cow who goes to the well too often, I will stop speaking only in metaphors.
---> 1784. Some grizzfarb says I have to stop making up gnomish profanities.
* IfYouDieICallYourStuff: Nope.
--> 1435. The "Dibs" system is not [[KlingonPromotion a recognized method of promotion]] in the Ordo Malleus.
--> 1637. 'Dibs' is not a term of bereavement.
* ICallItVera:
--> 73. Not allowed to name my cudgel Ceremonial Whoopass Stick.
--> 524. I will not ask my gun for advice.
--> 1359. I can't call my gun by a stupid nickname, even if it's the one that the game suggested.
* IKnowKungFaux:
--> 777. Tai Kwan Doberman is not a real martial art.
* IKnowYourTrueName:
--> 1438. You can't find true names in a phone book.
* ImAHumanitarian: Apparently, Mr. Welch finds every playable race tasty to some degree. That, or he's played too much ''VideoGame/NetHack''.
--> 14. Ogres are not kosher.
--> 19. Drow are not good eating.
--> 55. Before facing the dragon, not allowed to glaze the elf.
--> 156. When one person forgets to buy rations eating the half-elf is not our first option.
--> 162. What ever monster we just killed is not to be tonight's dinner.
--> 1433. [[Anime/{{Macross}} Zentradi]] are not good eating.
--> 1585. Vegipygmies are not a part of this complete breakfast.
--> 1649. I can't free the cannibals' prisoners by starting a food fight with them.
--> 1671. Before entering the dungeon I will take off the "I'm with tasty -->" tabard.
--> 2125. No matter how close to lunch is it, halflings don't have to save vs. cannibalism.
** Although there are some limits:
---> 855. I will not keep reincarnating that bugbear until he comes back as something we can actually eat.
* ImMelting: He seems to want to invoke it, but the GM shut him down before he could try.
--> 1910. I don't need to know the melting point of orcs.
* ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy:
--> 431. We will not implement any battle plan that includes the underlined words "And hope they miss a lot."
* ImpossiblyCoolWeapon:
--> 1058. When I get to the custom weapons creation section, I will keep turning those pages.
* ImprobableAimingSkills: Apparently, the GM's WillingSuspensionOfDisbelief was shattered by the skills of one of Mr. Welch's characters.
--> 1034. Even if I wait for the ninja to jump at me, I can’t crucify him with a repeating crossbow in a single round.
* ImprobableHairstyle:
--> 2127. The following haircuts are forbidden to Ogrun: Pompadour, Flock of Seagulls, [[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 TV's Frank]].
* ImprobableWeaponUser[=/=]ImprovisedWeapon:
--> 91. A wet towel does not constitute an improvised weapon.
--> 425. Chainsaws and butter churns filled with bees do not use the same weapon skill.
--> 591. Defibrillators do not allow me the use of the Cleave feat.
--> 1680. The point of the Improvised Weapon Skill is not to see how many different things I can kill people with.
--> 1915. The following are not acceptable specialties for a weapon master: Mustard Gas, Cheese Grater, Sardonicism.
--> 2290. Even if the rules allow it, my gladiator's starting weapons cannot be the trident and [[InstrumentOfMurder bagpipes]].
* ImprovisedLockpick:
--> 1635. Even if the lock is made entirely out of stone and scaled for a Titan I will not have my Dwarf Wizard attempt to pick the lock with the blunt end of his warhammer/staff.
* ImTakingHerHomeWithMe:
--> 114. The Demilich only falls for getting stuffed in the bag of holding once.
--> 786. No I cannot keep the drow priestess we just found as a pet.
* INeedAFreakingDrink:
--> 349. Power Word: Beer Me is not a real spell.
* InescapableAmbush: Even if he casts Glassee on the door.
--> 1293. I can't avoid plot mandated ambushes no matter how hard I try.
--> 1404. I will not spoil the adventure's mandatory ambush by using the cheesy tactic of a "scout".
* InexplicablyIdenticalIndividuals:
--> 35. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to play R2 units.
--> 954. I will not convince the entire party to play identical copies of the same character on the grounds we're sextuplets.
* InsistentTerminology: This is generally not appreciated.
--> 1266. I will stop referring to my rogue as a freelance subterranean locksmith.
--> 2071. Even if the Corporation prefers PC terminology, an interrogation is not 'kinetic information retrieval'.
* InstrumentOfMurder:
--> 1447. My Bard will not take a trombone just so he can attack and use his bard song at the same time.
* InterrogatingTheDead: Mr. Welch knows how to take the mystery out of murder mystery.
--> 360. I must remind the GM that my Blessed can Raise Dead before he runs another murder mystery again.
* ISurrenderSuckers:
--> 18. When surrendering I am to hand the sword over HILT first.
* ItBelongsInAMuseum:
--> 674. When deciding what to do with the ancient alien artifacts we discovered, EBAY is not an option.
* JustForFun/IThoughtThatWas:
--> 1333. I will tell the noob [[TabletopGame/Twilight2000 the game]] is about post nuclear Europe and not [[Literature/TheTwilightSaga love struck vampires]] before we start.
--> 2148. When asking if I'm [[CrossPlayer cross playing]], they didn't mean if my character was [[MessianicArchetype Christ]].
* ItMakesSenseInContext: The alternate link in the main article that sorts the list by game makes certain jokes and certain prohibitions more obvious. For example:
--> 346. I most certainly don't have weapon proficiency in a Phased-plasma rifle in the forty watt range.
** ...Makes more sense when you know that he tried it in a 3.5 ''Dungeons and Dragons'' game. [[note]]In his defense, the Dungeon Master's Guide does contain rules for a limited selection of sci-fi weapons just in case the DM wants to humor this type of request or incorporate them as strange artifacts into a game.[[/note]]
* JackassGenie: He has no patience for them.
--> 568. My first wish cannot be 'I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish.'
* JackBauerInterrogationTechnique:
--> 1078. If 48 straight hours of {{pistol whipping}} doesn’t convince the terrorist to spill his guts, another 48 hours probably won’t either.
--> 2071. Even if the Corporation prefers PC terminology, an interrogation is not 'kinetic information retrieval'.
--> 2178. Despite what you think, the [[DepravedDentist profession: Dentist]] can't substitute for the interrogation skill.
* JokeItem:
--> 47. They do not make Nair in wookie sizes.
* JokeWeapon:
--> 1024. [[FanDisservice Slings make poor thongs.]] And vice versa.
--> 1911. Even if the rules allow it, I can't [[OneHitKill one shot]] guys with a feather duster.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:K-O]]
* KarmaMeter:
--> 174. There is no use of [[Creator/WilliamShatner Shatner's]] spoken word album that doesn't require a humanity check.
--> 218. No matter my alignment, organizing halfling pit fights is a violation.
* KickThemWhileTheyAreDown: In addition to what is already listed under BananaInTheTailpipe and {{Frameup}}, Mr. Welch has pulled [[FromBadToWorse a double-whammy]] of KillItWithFire:
--> 631. Medicine cabinets are not the best place to stash spare squeeze tubes of explosive putty.
--> 2467. If we have to hide our weapons, no dumping the napalm into the fire sprinkler reserve tanks.
* KidsAreCruel:
--> 476. The alignment of 2 years olds is not automatically NeutralEvil.
* KillItWithFire:
--> 1138. [[StuffBlowingUp Fireballs]] don’t have a non-lethal option. I will ponder this after I’ve cast one at that guy we needed alive.
--> 1212. Even if they’d never suspect it, my Jedi can’t have a flamethrower.
--> 1611. Even if she started it, no setting the princess on fire.
--> 1656. Starting a {{flame war}} on the internet is bad. Starting a flame war not on the internet is much, much worse.
--> 1669. [[WeNeedADistraction When told to distract the bad guy]] they didn't mean by setting him on fire.
--> 2350. Step one of every plan can't just be "Set them all on fire".
* KillItWithIce:
--> 1080. [[AnIcePerson The Cryokinetic]] is forever banned from water balloon fights.
* KillItWithWater:
--> 1071. I will go take out the villain’s dungeon the old fashioned way, and not use magic to reroute a river into it instead.
--> 1131. Summoning a Water Elemental right above the Fire Elemental doesn't work.
--> 1683. Killing the orc horde by drowning them all at once is heroic. Killing them by drowning them one at a time is an alignment check.
* KillTally:
--> 617. [[MookHorrorShow The forehead is not an appropriate place for a killcount holo-tattoo.]]
* KnightInSourArmor:
--> 688. Even if the rules allow it, my paladin cannot have the flaw: Hatred- [[HatesEveryoneEqually All living things]].
* KonamiCode:
--> 403. My rigger does not get a bonus if his log in code is up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, A, B, Start.[[note]][[ComicallyMissingThePoint Because the correct code is]] ''Up, Up, Down, Down,'' Left, Right, Left, Right, ''B, A'', Start.[[/note]]
* KungFoley:
--> 784. Monks do not make [[ThreeStoogesShoutOut 3 Stooges]] sounds in combat.
* LamePunReaction: In a meta sense - many Things are disallowed just because they're a terrible pun, with seemingly no effect on gameplay (like saying you take the "un" out of "undead").
* LampshadeHanging: Also disallowed.
--> 262. [[{{Railroading}} When the GM forces the plot, I cannot make choo-choo noises.]]
* LastWords: Abused.
--> 171. My character's dying words are not allowed to be "[[Literature/TheKingInYellow Hastur]], [[FanFic/OldManHenderson Hastur]], [[TakingYouWithMe Hastur]]."
--> 1335. I can not [[HoldingTheFloor filibuster in the middle of my dying speech]] to buy the cleric more time.
* LeastRhymableWord:
--> 46. Sliver rhymes with silver because the computer frelling says so.
--> 1428. No spending half the game session seeing what rhymes with Nyarlathotep.
* LethalChef:
--> 2107. Tharn aren't allowed to take cooking skills.
--> 2595. If the word thermite appeara anywhere in the cake recipe I will lose all the points I put into the cooking skill.
* LinearWarriorsQuadraticWizards:
--> 69. There is more to wizardry than magic missile. Even if I can do 200 damage [[AlwaysAccurateAttack automatic]] with [[NoSavingThrow no save]].
--> 1493. No metamagic feat lets me add fragmentation to my spells.
* LiteralGenie: He's got a backup plan for this guy.
--> 744. My second wish can't be for a new, more open minded genie to grant my remaining wishes.
* LoadBearingBoss:
--> 1046. We can't stabilize the dying villain before we make our escape just in case he was a load bearing villain.
* LogicBomb: [[{{Wishplosion}} Back to the genie.]]
--> 199. My third wish cannot be 'I wish you wouldn't grant this wish.'
* LongestPregnancyEver:
--> 1616. Despite what the math says, elves do not gestate for an entire decade.
* TheLoonie: If only fictional examples of this kind of player could be quite so dedicated to it... but he doesn't seem to like competition.
--> 635. Arguments cannot end with the statement 'Alright, we'll settle this like penguins!'
--> 1088. I cannot try and throw large blunt objects at [[TabletopGame/VampireTheMasquerade Malkavians]], [[TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons kobolds]] or [[TabletopGame/{{Dragonlance}} kender]]. [[InAndOutOfCharacter Or their players.]]
--> 1385. Even if I couldn't attend the session when everything went to hell, it's still my fault.
--> 1426. I am not "He who must not be named only in passing."
* LoopholeAbuse: Mr. Welch loves to try this. The [=DMs=], however, are rarely cooperative. Note that there is no actual rule that Mr. Welch must follow these rules. (Well, aside from RuleZero.)
--> 24. Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to summon 50,000 Blue Whales.
--> 311. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot start the game as pope.
--> 337. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot control 20,000 pigeons and use them as flying piranha.
--> 423. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a duck.
--> 527. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot spend $64,000 to get the vorpal option for [[ForkliftFu a forklift]].
--> 572. Even if the rules say otherwise, I cannot carry 100lbs of styrofoam without encumbrance penalties.
--> 623. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a Dire Gummi Bear.
--> 643. Even if the rules allow it, I can't gain 1,000,000 XP with one forged check.
--> 675. Even if the rules allow it, I can't take the identical twin advantage 22 times.
--> 688. Even if the rules allow it, my Paladin cannot have the flaw: Hatred- All living things.
--> 713. Even if the rules allow it, can't [[CherryTapping sink a battleship]] with [[ImprobableWeaponUser a stapler]].
--> 715. Even if the rules allow it, I can't invent the strip joint.
--> 754. Even if the rules give no maximum encumbrance, still can't [[StealTheSurroundings pick up the bank and walk away with it]].
--> 785. Even if the rules allow it, can't shoot 20 guys in one round with a musket.
--> 820. Even if the rules allow it, my Paladin can't serve the god of obituaries.
--> 930. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot circumnavigate the world on foot in one turn.
--> 948. Even if the rules allow it, I can't catch dropped cannonballs with my teeth without drawbacks.
--> 985. Even if it isn't in the rules, I have to use the same scale miniature as everybody else.
--> 1015. Despite what the rules say, berserking does not improve my aim.
--> 1197. Even if the rules allow it, I can't put a spinal mounted weapon on a bicycle.
--> 1289. Even if the rules allow it, a laser sight doesn’t add to my chaingun’s accuracy. Yes, even if I have one on each barrel.
--> 1290. I will refrain to take character roles that the game forgot to make any rules for.
--> 1335. I can not filibuster in the middle of my dying speech to buy the cleric more time.
--> 1408. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot fence [[KatanasAreJustBetter with a katana]].
--> 1472. No matter what the rules say, I can't chase the villain around the map indefinitely.
--> 1491. Even if the rules allow it, can't add the High Speed Pursuit Option to a steamroller.
--> 1583. Even if the rules allow it, can't take a prestige class at level 4.
--> 1600. Even if the rules allow it, I can't mount a flamethrower on a knife.
--> 1642. No matter what the rules say, antibiotics can't [[YourHeadAsplode make a man's head explode]].
--> 1807. Even if the rules allow it, I can't have a saber toothed walrus.
--> 1821. Even if the rules allow it, the Soviet National Anthem doesn't qualify for the inspirational music ability.
--> 1839. Even if the rules say otherwise, a huge back banner with an arrow pointing down at me causes a penalty to stealth checks.
--> 1862. Even if the rules allow it, I can't hip shoot a cannon.
--> 1883. Even if the rules allow it, my fighter can't carry a clan of halfings in his pack without penalty.
--> 1908. No matter what the rules say, my psychotic racist character doesn't get a permanent persuasion bonus just because she puts out.
--> 1911. Even if the rules allow it, I can't one shot guys [[ImprobableWeaponUser with a feather duster]].
--> 1914. Can't abuse the boggan's weakness to get free babysitting.
--> 1924. Despite what the rules say, shooting other PC's in the head [[VillainousDemotivator does not improve morale]].
--> 1939. Even if the rules allow it, can't parry an artillery barrage with my fists.
--> 1966. Even if the rules allow it, can't play a viking MadScientist.
--> 2028. Even if the rules allow it, a called shot to the eyes with a sledgehammer isn't very practical.
--> 2033. Even if the rules allow it, I can't conduct a television interview and maintain a choke hold at the same time.
--> 2140. Even if the rules allow it, you can't slip an object into a person's pocket if the object is larger than the person.
--> 2290. Even if the rules allow it, my gladiator's starting weapons cannot be [[MusicalAssassin the trident and bagpipes]].
--> 2292. Even if the rules allow it, I can't have proficiency in every skill by level 6.
--> 2301. Even if the rules allow it, the entire party can't be all [[RaisedByWolves raised by the same wolf]].
--> 2308. Even if the rules allow it, no using plaid colored light spells [[{{Gaslighting}} to mess with the guard's perception of movement]].
--> 2318. Even if the rules allow it, no dual wielding lances.
--> 2333. Even if the rules allow it, I can't have a clockwork kidney.
--> 2334. This goes double for a steam powered liver.
--> 2338. Even if the rules allow it, we can't be [[NinjaPirateZombieRobot Space Ogre Ninjas]].
--> 2340. Even if the rules allow it, I can't spend my xp to turn the crapsack setting into a functional Randian utopia.
* LostHimInACardGame: He's not even allowed to make the bet.
--> 1794. Can't use party members for ante.
* LostInTranslation: On purpose.
--> 61. The Barbarian's name does not translate into [[ScreamsLikeALittleGirl "Screams like little sissy girl"]] in my language.
--> 76. [[TrollingTranslator I am not allowed any artistic license while translating.]]
* LovableSexManiac: Quite possibly Welch himself, given the number of sex-related things.
--> 51. No longer allowed to use the time machine for booty calls.
--> 125. Lingerie can only snap coincidentally so many times per day.
--> 172. At no point can I justify spending force points on a seduction check.
--> 264. I cannot use the time machine to go to Ancient Greece where all the women were leather clad, oiled down with big bosoms.
--> 576. I cannot use my sneak attack opportunity to cop a feel.
--> 661. The line on my character sheet for 'Sex' is not for keeping score.
--> 972. "Threesome" is not a specialty of the seduction skill.
--> 1082. There is no such thing as a brothel crawl.
--> 1240. No matter what the dice say, I didn’t just seduce [[VideoGame/StreetFighterII Chun Li. And Cammy.]]
--> 1663. There is no such thing as a 'bad touch attack'.
--> 1950. Not allowed to start the campaign having sex, especially with another PC.
--> 2241. "Fantastic in the sheets" is not an appropriate character focus.
--> 2273. Can't pick a religion based solely on the greatest number of sexual positions allowed.
--> 2343. I can't spend all my starting points on concubines.
---> 2347. I also can't spend all my character points on one just really awesome concubine.
--> 2370. I will keep the amount of sexual innuendos to a minimum in the autopsy report.
* LordBritishPostulate: Mr. Welch has attempted to kill '''weather patterns.'''
--> 1086. Tornadoes don’t have hit points.
--> 1401. I will stop shooting at natural disasters.
* LudicrousGibs:
--> 510. After a bloody battle, I will not celebrate by lying down and making carnage angels.
--> 1662. No starting a mosh pit in a leper colony.
--> 1690. I don't get double XP if I kill the monster with explosive decompression.
--> 1867. Can't have a gun that reduces people to Rorschach tests.
* LyingFingerCross:
--> 1681. Just crossing his fingers behind his back is not an option for my paladin.
* MadeFromRealGirlScouts:
--> 1933. No part of the elven cloak is actually made out of elves.
* MakeAWish: Not with this guy.
--> 97. My one wish cannot be 'I wish everything on this piece of paper was true'.
--> 227. My last wish cannot be "I wish we were playing another game."
--> 257. I cannot wish nobody else gets wishes.
--> 567. I cannot consult my lawyer before making my wish.
--> 568. My first wish cannot be "I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish'.
--> 569. All 3 of my wishes cannot involve Alpacas.
--> 653. [[OnlySaneMan Cannot wish]] [[SanityBall for the party]] [[OnlySaneEmployee to have common sense.]] Even the wish spell has its limits.
--> 745. Can't wish I was the GM.
--> 924. Before I make my next wish I have to ask myself: "Is this going to shatter the very fabric of reality [[NoodleIncident again]]?"
--> 981. My last wish cannot be for [[ApocalypseWow Ragnarok]].
--> 1100. I cannot [[WaxingLyrical wish that someone else was an Oscar Meyer weiner.]]
--> 1130. I cannot wish we were playing the previous edition of the game.
--> 1153. I can't wish to change my vote on what module we're playing.
--> 1192. My last wish cannot be for [[UltimateShowdownOfUltimateDestiny a cage match between Cthulhu, Godzilla, Galactus and the Tarrasque]].
--> 1193. I will avoid making wishes [[GroundhogDayLoop that locks the game in an infinite time loop]].
--> 1242. I can't wish that somebody competent wrote this module.
--> 1346. I will not waste wishes on professional sporting events.
--> 1502. My first wish can't be to invalidate the previous character's last wish.
--> 1516. I will not wish we were still playing Torg.
--> 1553. [[Music/PussycatDolls I can't wish my girlfriend was hot like you.]]
--> 1658. The words "Rock Opera" will not appear in any of my wishes.
--> 2064. The wish spell can't affect the order of the alphabet.
--> 2143. Wishes have no effect on errata.
--> 2325. Before making my last wish, I will make sure everybody in the party actually wants patagia.
* MakeWrongWhatOnceWentRight:
--> 145. I cannot go back in time to cut in line at the Declaration of Independence so everybody now is asked for their Terrence E. Woczinski when signing documents.
--> 1479. Using the time machine to put 'W' at the front of the alphabet is silly.
--> 1511. No using the time machine to set the "Star Spangled Banner" to anything by White Zombie.
--> 1634. If it's revealed Shakespeare was the author of Funky Cold Medina my time machine privileges are revoked.
--> 1703. The time machine is not for finding ringers for our baseball team.
--> 1705. If my boss wakes up to find a young Creator/FrankSinatra won ''Series/AmericanIdol'', no more time machine for me.
* ManOnFire:
--> 1126: Cannot start the campaign on fire.
--> 1733. [[DrenchCelebration Dousing a character in beer is acceptable after a victory.]] Then setting him on fire is not.
* MasterOfNone:
--> 5. Not allowed to blow all my skill points on 1pt professional skills.
--> 44. Not allowed to spend all 100 character points on 100 1pt skills.
--> 917. Have one point in every single skill in the game doesn't count as a super power.
--> 1917. "The ability to do anything, as long as it's not that hard" is not a real superpower.
* TheMatchmaker:
--> 648. Can't marry off another PC more than half a dozen times.
* MediumAwareness:
--> 269. My character cannot hear the soundtrack.
* MesACrowd:
--> 675. Even if the rules allow it, I can't take the Identical Twin advantage 22 times.
--> 954. I will not convince the entire party to play identical copies of the same character on the grounds we're sextuplets.
* MidBattleTeaBreak: Defied.
--> 116. Not allowed to take a coffee break during the final super villain showdown.
--> 2250. Even if I haven't had anything to do for several hours, no updating Facebook in the middle of a Black Ops.
* MilkingTheMonster:
--> 2277. If the king says he will reimburse our expenses, no turning the mission into an epic continent spanning quest.
---> 2278. Especially if the original mission was "kill all the goblins in this cave."
* AMillionIsAStatistic:
--> 1683. Killing the orc horde by drowning them all at once is heroic. Killing them by drowning them [[ForcedToWatch one at a time]] is an alignment check.
* MindScrew: Severely frowned upon.
--> 1341. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot become famous for not being famous.
--> 2428. Not allowed to see if it's possible to drown someone in a barrel filled with healing potions.
* TheMinionMaster:
--> 24. Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to summon 50,000 Blue Whales.
--> 299. I do not get any XP for anyone I kill by stampeding sheep.
--> 337. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot control 20,000 pigeons and use them as flying piranha.
--> 999. I can't [[Literature/CharlieAndTheChocolateFactory train squirrel mobs]] to [[GrapplingWithGrapplingRules abuse the grapple rules]].
--> 1512. My canine officer can't spend his animal requisition cash to buy two dozen chihuahuas.
--> 1884. If a PC gets taken out by a deer, can't recruit the deer to replace him.
--> 2207. We are not stopping the villain with small mammals armed with power tools.
* MinmaxersDelight:
--> 1800. I will not point out any loophole that arouses the powergamer.
* MirrorUniverse:
--> 325. Even if he was a paragon of humanity in his alternate dimension, Good Hitler is not an appropriate superhero concept.
* MisplacedAccent:
--> 26. Valley speak has no place in a fantasy setting. Especially if you're the paladin.
--> 1286. My Buddhist monk will lose the cockney accent.
--> 1741. Klingons don't have a French accent.
--> 1970. Even If I need to practice it, if I'm playing Batman, I lose the Russian accent.
--> 2211. If I have to change my samurai's voice, I will pick something that doesn't make him sound like a native of Guadalajara.
* MomentKiller:
--> 928. The Flaw: Odious Personal Habit- Teleports into romantic moments is only available at the maximum penalty.
* MoneySpider:
--> 1045. We will not gut every animal we kill to see if they have treasure inside like in video games.
* MookChivalry: Averted!
--> 932. Nowhere in the bible does it say ninjas have to line up in a straight line to fight me.
* MookHorrorShow:
--> 617. The forehead is not an appropriate place for a killcount holo-tattoo.
* MoreDakka:
--> 15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
--> 440. I am forbidden from trying to merge the best features of automatic weapons and manual transmissions.
--> 557. If they get a bonus to spot my gun with a geiger counter, I can't have it.
--> 589. If my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it's vetoed if that's the Richter scale.
--> 603. I cannot have any gun mentioned in the Geneva Convention by name.
--> 803. If my personal carried firepower exceeds that of the Battleship Texas, there's a problem.
--> 868. I cannot have a gun with an area of affect larger than it's range.
--> 872. Any gun that sets off the metal detector before I even pass through it is vetoed.
--> 925. Any gun that can fire more rounds in one shot than I can physically carry is vetoed.
--> 1034. Even if I wait for the ninja to jump at me, I can’t crucify him with a repeating crossbow in a single round.
--> 1044. No matter how much ammo I start with, I can't impact the total world supply.
--> 1528. I can't ask the bad guy if I fired 40,000 rounds or just 39,999.
--> 1533. Even if the rules allow it, can't have a belt fed pistol.
--> 1722. No building a Gatling Gatling gun.
--> 2076. If I'm commissioned to build an artillery gun, they don't mean [[RecursiveAmmo a gun that fires howitzers]].
* MostCommonSuperpower: Doesn't actually count as a superpower, no.
--> 1314. Gravity defying breasts, while impressive, do not count as a super power.
** Enforced by at least one of his Dungeonmasters:
---> 1481. The Island of [[MediaNotes/{{Pettanko}} Small Breasted Fantasy Females]] does not exist.
* MsFanservice: Defied.
--> 88. My bard does not get a bonus to perform if [[GoingCommando she is obviously not wearing anything under her tabard]].
* {{Munchkin}}: He can be one at times.
--> 1647. Any character requiring the GM to tab more than 10 pages of rules for reference is vetoed.
** As stated above, he likes pissing off other munchkins, as well:
---> 1653. The power gamer would appreciate me not bringing the book with the rule he is grotesquely abusing.
** Just as often, he deliberately makes himself as useless as possible - [[RuleOfFunny whichever is funny.]]
---> 1730. No putting all my weapon points in the blowgun.
----> 1731. If I take the blowgun, I at least have to poison the darts.
* MundaneSolution: Forbidden in at least one case.
--> 1404. I will not spoil the adventure's mandatory ambush by using the cheesy tactic of a "scout."
--> 1937. Not my fault if you can defeat the labyrinth by just making right turns.
* MundaneUtility:
--> 7. Not allowed to use psychic powers to do the dishes.
--> 183. There are no rules for cooking corn dogs in any d20 supplement.
--> 500. My superhero will not spend points to fly just because he's too lazy to walk.
--> 544. I will not cast Gate to bind an infernal creature of power to my bidding and make him mow the lawn.
--> 566. When confronted with a haunted house with bleeding walls, no converting it into a self supporting blood bank.
--> 850. Doesn't matter how practical, we aren't reanimating the dead dragon and having him haul that horde back for us.
--> 1041. Doesn't matter if I'm just using to spot weld, force lightning still gets me a dark side point.
--> 1142. I will not use the mage’s Staff of Wizardry in lieu of a pool cue.
--> 1194. I will not go to FTL just to avoid the red lights.
--> 1329. [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M203_grenade_launcher The M203]] is not for long range [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bocce bocce ball]].
--> 1416. The guy with the meltagun doesn't automatically have to carry the popcorn.
--> 1620. I will not use the druid's [[DeadlyDisc chakram]] to play frisbee with his dire wolf.
--> 1621. No using the Reduce spell to only to buy a child's ticket at the movies.
--> 1697. Can't use the Decanter of Endless Water for water skiing, the Jacuzzi, or a wet tabard contest.
--> 1717. The spell Summon Vacuum Elemental is not for household chores.
--> 1897. Assist Other actions helps in combat, not with crossword puzzles.
--> 1948. Having an electrotech in the party doesn't mean I get to leave my phone charger at home.
--> 2031. Even if the kids love it, the Cone of Cold spell is not for making toboggan rides possible in August.
--> 2070. The spell is "Heat Metal", not "Detect Piercings".
--> 2150. The cryokinetic's default job is not to protect the cooler.
--> 2230. Even if we were told to use all of it, can't use the extra explosives for public displays of affection to my girlfriend.
--> 2238. The Returning ability on magical weapons doesn't let me make a fortune at pawn shops.
--> 2249. Even if I take the Total Recall trait, I can't remember all quarter million crew on my ship by their first name.
--> 2469. The AV-9 is for air support, not beer runs.
--> 2559. Can't wish for the genie to get me the best possible refund on my taxes every year.
* MultipleHeadCase:
--> 2062. Even if I have enough rope and have nine attacks a round, can't garrote a hydra.
* MustHaveCaffeine:
--> 2413. The barbarian can still berserk even if he hasn't had his morning coffee.
* MyFriendsAndZoidberg:
--> 219. In formal introductions to royalty, I must not introduce my companions as just "The Other Guys".
* NakedPeopleAreFunny:
--> 258. There is no such thing as Skyclad Armor +5.
--> 672. [[TheNudifier Teleport Without Pants]] is not a real spell.
--> 893. Invisibility is all or nothing, can't just target their clothes.
--> 2263. The rune stones did not just say [[{{Fanservice}} the princess needs to get naked]].
* NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast:
--> 17. Collateral Damage Man is not an appropriate name for a super hero.
--> 1860. Summary Execution Man is not an appropriate name for a super hero, even if it is accurate.
* NeverFoundTheBody: Does not equal a PacifistRun.
--> 649. Zero bodycount does not mean just the ones they can find.
* NeverMessWithGranny: His characters can come from some seriously deadly ancestors.
--> 111. I did not pick the garrote skill last week from my grandmother.
--> 642. My character's grandma was not, is not and will never be a contract killer.
* NinjaMaid:
--> 141. My maid does not [[IKnowKarate know kung fu]].
* NobodyLovesTheBassist:
--> 2244. On second thought, rhythm guitar isn't an appropriate focus for a bard.
* NoCelebritiesWereHarmed:
--> 1. Cannot base characters off the Who's drummer Keith Moon.
--> 94. I cannot base my ancient kung fu master on neither [[Music/{{KISS}} Gene Simmons]] or [[Film/AnimalHouse Bluto Blutarski]].
* NoHoldsBarredBeatdown:
--> 997. [[Series/Roots1977 I can't beat on the drow until he admits his name is Toby.]]
--> 1078. If 48 straight hours of pistol whipping [[JackBauerInterrogationTechnique doesn’t convince the terrorist to spill his guts]], another 48 hours probably won’t either.
--> 2328. Just because damage is non-lethal doesn't mean I can keep beating him for hours.
* NoManOfWomanBorn:
--> 2126. There will be no more arguing on whether Eowyn could have killed [=MacBeth=] or [=McDuff=] could have killed the Witch King.
* NonIndicativeName:
--> 378. I can cannot give my character the moniker "Tim the Barbarian". Especially since he's the bard.
--> 1494. When playing a teleporter, I will buy the ability to actually teleport.
--> 1714. My martial artist has to actually know a martial art.
* NoodleIncident[=/=]NoodleImplements: ''The entire list.'' A few examples:
--> 63. No, I cannot buy [[Film/AnimalHouse 10,000 marbles even if I say please]].
--> 93. I am to remind my DM that he must never, ever give my paladin a dire boar for a mount again.
--> 101. I am not allowed to pave ''anything''.
--> 114. The demilich only falls for getting stuffed in the bag of holding once.
--> 226. Troll bubblegum...bad idea.
--> 572. Even if the rules say otherwise, I cannot carry 100lbs of styrofoam without encumbrance penalties.
--> 598. Any adventure that ends up with my character being worshiped as an orc god was just a dream. Retroactively if need be.
--> 647. Any answer to a question involving the words 'wizard', 'station wagon' and 'wood paneling' is no.
--> 1007. That whole Expedition to the Barrier Peaks? Dream Sequence.
--> 1313. I will do nothing that tarnishes Franchise/HelloKitty's memory.
--> 1549. The totalitarian government tends to notice [[DropTheCow large purchases of cows, trebuchets and surveying gear]].
--> 1708. No bringing up the time we were nearly [[TotalPartyKill TPK'd]] by a jerboa.
--> 2206. Create a distraction doesn't mean with walruses trained in ballroom dance.
--> 2207. We are not stopping the villain with small mammals armed with power tools.
--> 2208. My favored enemy must be more than just "Claire".
--> 2375. The rulebook was not kidding about needing 5,000 people to hijack a Star Destroyer.
* TheNudifier:
--> 672. Teleport Without Pants is not a real spell.
--> 893. {{Invisibility}} is all or nothing, can't just target their clothes.
* NukeEm: Mr. Welch is not allowed to interact with nuclear weapons, for good reason.
--> 1270. [[MadBomber Weapon Focus:]] [[NukeEm Nukes]] is not a real feat.
---> 1352. Even if we are issued a nuke, I'm not allowed to touch it.
--> 1779. Using nuclear weapons in assassinations is just being lazy.
* ObviousRulePatch: Some of the rules are obvious attempts to close loopholes established by earlier rules. For instance:
--> 502. If my name isn't [[Franchise/{{Transformers}} Grimlock]], can't start every sentence with "[[HulkSpeak Me Grimlock]]".
---> 516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock.
* OddJobGods:
--> 3. There is no Gnomish god of heavy artillery.
--> 248. There is no Halfling god of groin shots.
--> 1342. There is no god of Wombats, no matter how much I pray.
* OffTheRails: He's tried. The [=DMs=] don't like it.
--> 38. When investigating evil {{cult}}ists, not allowed to just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside.
--> 182. No figuring out the plot and killing the actual villain five minutes into the adventure.
--> 270. I cannot derail the adventure for a two hour in character discussion on the qualities of rope.
--> 360. I must remind the GM that my Blessed can Raise Dead before he runs another murder mystery again.
--> 621. No offering [[Franchise/StarWars the old man and the farm kid]] a better rate to [[EarthShatteringKaboom Alderaan]].
--> 840. Even if it would have immediately solved the last six adventures, I won't throw dynamite in every well I come across.
--> 922. No matter how much we look, we're not finding the secret door leading to the back of the villain's hideout.
--> 1217. No matter what the dice just said, I didn't kill the villain with the first shot of the combat.
* OldSoldier:
--> 1304. Even if they are better in combat [[StatisticallySpeaking according to character generation]], the USMC frowns on octogenarians in front line combat.
* {{Omniglot}}: Only allowed if the character could conceivably be one. So anyone without an education is right out.
--> 1169. If even the rules allow it, I can’t have my uneducated peasant start with every known language.
* OneHitPolykill:
--> 1269. Even if [[UsefulNotes/SimoHayha the guy]] I based my character off was famous for doing it, I can’t kill eight guys with one bullet.
* OneStatToRuleThemAll:
--> 951. The most important stat in Call of Cthulhu is not [[ScrewThisImOuttaHere movement]].
* OneSteveLimit:
--> 288. I cannot name my character after another PC already in this game.
--> 882. I will not convince the party to name all the characters the same thing.
* OnlySmartPeopleMayPass: He can be a bit ''too'' smart.
--> 1164. I will wait for the GM to finish his incredibly complicated riddle before answering correctly.
--> 1534. I will raise my hand if I've already heard the DM's riddle.
* OurDwarvesAreAllTheSame: No, not really.
--> 126. Dwarves do not count as burrowing animals.
--> 188. I cannot play an elf with a Scottish accent, nor a Cajun dwarf.
--> 211. If at any point if my dwarf takes on the mannerisms of Macho Man Randy Savage, he dies.
--> 294. My dwarf is not claustrophobic, likewise, my elf is not agoraphobic.
--> 503. Dwarves do not get Beard Cancer.
--> 550. Dwarves can indeed tell the difference between their genders.
--> 626. Dwarves are not proper substitutes for pufferfish.
--> 890. Dwarves do not get Roto-Rooters as racial weapons.
--> 1268. Dwarves are physically incapable of performing the Dance of the Seven Veils.
--> 1368. Dwarves do not groom themselves like cats. Or baboons.
--> 1406. The primary dwarf subraces are [not] Sedimentary, Igneous and Metamorphic.
--> 1462. Dwarves do not have the racial ability [[FusionDance to merge into a larger, more powerful dwarf]].
--> 1958. Dwarven breast milk is not 180 proof.
--> 2081. 'Horn Dog' is not a real Dwarven caste.
--> 2083. '{{Literature/Fifty Shades of Grey}} [[{{Pun}} Dwarves]]' is not the new Duergar sourcebook.
--> 2167. The answer is never "Dwarven River Dance".
--> 2226. The concept of vowels are not alien to dwarves.
--> 2376. The Dwarven work ethic is not just [[DugTooDeep "Dig until we hit evil."]]
* OurElvesAreDifferent: Even less so than OurDwarvesAreAllTheSame, this doesn't count.
--> 188. I cannot play an elf with a Scottish accent, nor a Cajun dwarf.
--> 294. My dwarf is not claustrophobic, likewise, my elf is not agoraphobic.
--> 677. Elves do not have the racial trait: No Gag Reflex.
--> 826. Elves do not respond to chainsaws the same ways dogs react to vacuum cleaners.
--> 886. Elves are not deciduous.
--> 964. Elves aren't marsupials.
--> 983. Elves do not take 1d3 1 minutes for their entire menstrual cycle.
--> 1018. Elves do not get Viking Funerals.
--> 1474. The concept of puberty is not alien to the elves.
--> 1616. Despite what the math says, elves do not gestate for an entire decade.
--> 1689. 1/3 of the elf homeland's GDP does not go to hair care products.
--> 2120. Elves do not squirt ink out of their nipples as a defense mechanism.
---> 2121. Elves also do not secrete a foul tasting oil when threatened.
--> 2122. The reason elves live in forests is not to protect them from eagles that swoop down and grab them up.
--> 2373. The name for a group of elves is not the fagot.
--> 2393. The natural enemy of the elf is not the common cold.
* OurGnomesAreWeirder: Very much weirder! He explained in an interview that he has an affinity for gnomes specifically because the archetypes for their race aren't as clearly defined as the other standard fantasy races (basically because they weren't in ''Literature/TheLordOfTheRings''.)
--> 39. Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'can lick their eyebrows'.
--> 40. Gnomes do not have the racial ability to hold their breath for 10 minutes.
--> 41. Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'impromptu kickstand'.
--> 128. Polka Gnomes exist only in my mind.
--> 260. Gnomes do not have a racial bonus in bobsled.
--> 553. No matter how well I make my disguise check, my gnome cannot convincingly pass for any member of Music/{{Rush|Band}}.
--> 559. Even if [[Film/TheLordOfTheRingsTheFellowshipOfTheRing the Ranger offers his sword, the elf his bow and the dwarf his axe]], my gnome can't offer his accordion.
--> 693. There is no conspiracy to write out the gnome's contribution to the Fellowship of the Ring.
--> 748. [[VorpalPillow Holding a pillow over a sleeping person's face]] is not a gnomish expression of affection.
--> 1367. Gnomes are not [[GagPenis nature's tripods]].
* OurVampiresAreDifferent:
--> 318. Vampiric cows are not the fast food innovation of the future.
* OurWerebeastsAreDifferent:
--> 107. There is no such game as Wereshark the Buffet.
--> 2431. A mandingo is not an Australian lycanthrope.
* OverusedCopycatCharacter: Mr. Welch seems to have an extreme dislike of these.
--> 13. Must not murder canon {{NPC}}s in their sleep, no matter how cliche they are.
--> 214. There is no prestige class Drizzt Slayer.
--> 405. I will not name my character for the power gaming campaign Generic Cleave Path Fighter #7.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:P-T]]
* PaedoHunt: See "EvenEvilHasStandards" above for examples of how Mr. Welch treats pedophiles. In addition, there are plenty of pedophile jokes...
--> 1879. The halfling's natural enemy is not the pedophile.
* PaperThinDisguise:
--> 1180. Dressing up the wizard as the monk still won’t stop monsters from appearing beside him and [[ShootTheMageFirst attacking him first.]]
* PardonMyKlingon:
--> 178. There are no profanities in Celestial.
--> 1784. Some grizzfarb says I have to stop making up gnomish profanities.
* PatronSaint:
--> 213. I am not the patron saint of common sense.
--> 1238. No making up Patron Saints.
---> 1527. There is no Patron Saint of the Dodecahedron.
* PerfectlyCromulentWord:
--> 333. I cannot fistinate anybody, whatever the hell that means.
--> 1682. Snufficate is not a real way to kill somebody.
* {{Perfumigation}}:
--> 2571. I can't detect the mimic by just putting on copious amounts of cologne and waiting to see which piece of furniture starts gagging.
* PitTrap:
--> 1136. Doesn’t matter how big we make it, a pit trap isn’t going to take out the Tarrasque.
--> 1483. There is more to stopping a zombie horde than [[SpikesOfDoom punji pits]].
* PlayerKilling:
--> 104. Nor is there a +1 Longsword +5 against party members.
* PlayingAgainstType: Funnily enough, Mr. Welch has even [[InvokedTrope used this trope]] to its full advantage. (Presumably, he did this during the one-shot, then went back to normal when the new DM started a full scenario just to create dissonance.)
--> 1870. If I'm invited to play a one shot with a new DM, can't play a serious straight laced character.
* PlotArmor:
--> 447. If the {{NPC}} is critical to the plot later, I cannot crit him 4 times in one round.
--> 1982. If the GM's pet NPC has tons of plot armor, can't [[HumanShield use her for cover]].
* PoliticallyCorrectHistory: Sort of.
--> 146. Not allowed to play an Australian in any game set before 1600.
--> 1459. Even if the game is set in 1912, the female characters get a vote on the party's action.
* PostModernMagik:
--> 1117. Can't strangle a werewolf with a roll of [[Creator/EastmanKodak Kodak]] film, [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silver_halide no matter what we all know it's made out of.]]
--> 2520. At no point in the ritual do I get to ask Siri to read the rest of the exorcism for me.
* PowerPerversionPotential:
--> 301. "Well Hung" is not a physical, social or mental trait.
--> 595. I cannot pick a race with a prehensile ANYTHING.
--> 966. Using precog on the personals to find out who puts out on a first date is abusing the power.
--> 1659. Just because he has specialization in observation skills does not mean '[[Film/BeingThere he likes to watch]]'.
--> 2256. I cannot play anything with a blowhole.
* PregnantBadass:
--> 324. I cannot start the game pregnant.
* PrettyFlyForAWhiteGuy:
--> 734. My character's background cannot be a Wikipedia biography with "[[Music/{{Falco}} Falco]]" crossed off and my character's name written in.
* ProfessionalWrestling: Apparently, his campaign takes the concept of "gimmick infringement" very seriously.
--> 211. If, at any point, my dwarf takes on the mannerisms of "Macho Man" Randy Savage, he dies.
* PsychoKnifeNut:
--> 1644. Even if it fills the mission parameters, no machete killing sprees dressed like Carmen Miranda.
* PublicServiceAnnouncement:
--> 1160. We will not end every adventure with a public service announcement.
* {{Pun}}: Guilty so many times.
--> 92. The name of the weapon shop is not "Bloodbath and Beyond".
--> 205. My 3rd ed. Red Wizard is not allowed to start a business named Thay Co.
--> 485. My Mossad agent's battlecry is not "Torah, Torah, Torah"
--> 751. If the party has to pose as classical German composers, I will not declare "I'll be Bach".
--> 783: The following are not acceptable Ironclaw characters: Mortal Wombat, Dalai llama, Boom Orangutan.
--> 1458. The ability to mimic other people's luck powers does not make me a [[Music/CultureClub karma chameleon]].
--> 1573. Attempting to woo the Space Elf Clown does not turn the adventure into a Harlequin romance.
--> 1657. My halberdier is not guisarmed and dangerous.
--> 1660. Even if we just stole all their alkaline chemicals, that does not mean [[AllYourBaseAreBelongToUs all their base belongs to us]].
--> 2237. Creator/ChristianBale[[ForcedTransformation ful Polymorph]] is not a real spell.
--> 2392. The teleporting spiders attacking us are not just going through a phase.
--> 2438. Not starting the adventure until we have exactly one elf in the party is not [[Creator/JRRTolkien Tolkienism]].
* PunchedAcrossTheRoom:
--> 1755. Calling my shot means 'Where I want to hit him' not 'Where I want him to land.'
--> 1899. The target's current zip code has no bearing on my called shot.
* RaginCajun:
--> 4. My 7th Sea character Boudreaux is not 'Southern' Montaigne.
--> 188. I cannot play a elf with a Scottish accent, nor a Cajun dwarf.
* {{Railroading}}:
--> 262. When the GM forces the plot, I cannot make choo-choo noises.
--> 1449. Any plan that would quickly, logically and safely defeat the module early [[YouCantThwartStageOne is doomed to failure.]]
* RaisedByWolves:
--> 1053. I was not raised by a pack of feral Ironclads.
--> 2301. Even if the rules allow it, the entire party can't all have been raised by the same wolf.
* RammingAlwaysWorks:
--> 2005. Can't just program a probe droid to go at light speed through the Star Destroyer.
--> 2192. The villain will eventually notice [[DynamicEntry the train tracks are starting to point straight at his front door.]]
* RazorFloss:
--> 1032. Monofilament does not automatically make the world a better place.
--> 1372. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot have a monofilament sledgehammer.
* RecoilBoost:
--> 1437. High recoil guns and roller skates are not an accepted method of transportation.
* RedemptionEqualsSex:
--> 1775. Just because I spared the villain's life doesn't mean she owes me a first date.
* RedShirt:
--> 134. The King's Guards official name is not "The Royal Order of the Red Shirt."
* ReferenceOverdosed: Just about anything is liable to be mentioned: other games, books, music bands, construction of analog film, etc.
* ReligionOfEvil:
--> 314. Under 'Religion' I cannot put '[[ChurchOfHappyology Xenu]]'.
--> 842. When handed Dieties and Demigods and told to pick a god for my druid, I will skip right by the Cthulhu Mythos.
* ReligiousRussianRoulette:
--> 95. I must not put the Thunder God on the spot again.
* RequiredSecondaryPowers:
--> 606. If my power is super growth, that includes my skin.
--> 1564. Superspeed gives immunity to friction.
* RestingRecovery:
--> 913. After casting my one first level spell, can't leave the dungeon to go sleep.
* {{Retcon}}:
--> 305. Anything my character does that ends up as errata I am retroactively prohibited from doing.
--> 598. Any adventure that ends up with my character being worshiped as an orc god was just a dream. Retroactively if need be.
--> 2138. If the game retcon's my character's god, I will not start the orthodox faith of the old version of the god.
* ReversePsychology:
--> 704. No using my hideously low Charisma to get the villain to do the opposite of what I suggest.
* RhymesOnADime: Usually done for the sake of a {{pun}}.
--> 1332. Even if silence is required for the entire adventure, we are not naming the Black Ops [[OperationBlank Operation: Mimecrime]].
* RulesLawyer: Too many items on the list begin with the phrase "Even if the rules allow it" to be listed here. See LoopholeAbuse above.
* RuleThirtyFour: Mr. Welch may be keeping a meticulous list of things that he's been banned from doing, but [[TheInternetIsForPorn the internet is full of people with less restraint]]. (Yes, there are actually examples of ''that'' kind of picture of The List floating around on the web. No, you won't find links to them here. If you're really that keen, [[Website/{{Google}} you know what to do]].)
* RuleZero: The GameMaster's only defense against Mr. Welch is the GM Veto, because the rules will more often than not allow his craziness.
* RushmoreRefacement:
--> 542. No, I do not have time to carve that mountain in the shape of anything.
* SailorEarth:
--> 526. If an {{NPC}} is known as the "One," I cannot volunteer to be the "Two."
* SanityMeter:
--> 138. If the mere thought of it costs the others sanity, I'm forbidden from doing it.
--> 829. Despite the song's claim, [[Film/TheRockyHorrorPictureShow a pelvic thrust does not cause Sanity loss]].
--> 879. Buying a bigger gun does not restore sanity.
--> 998. The script for the Baywatch movie does not [[SuckinessIsPainful cause more Sanity loss than the Necronomicon]].
--> 1427. It is not a race to 0 SAN.
--> 2357. Website/FourChan does not cause more sanity loss than Cthulhu.
* SarcasmBlind:
--> 470. Sarcasm is wasted on Imperial Stormtroopers.
* SceneryCensor:
--> 532. Despite being a staple of comic books everywhere, I cannot teleport objects in front of naked people.
* ScoobyDooHoax:
--> 513. Trying to rip the face off the villain will not get the Scooby-Doo ending.
* ScrewDestiny: Denied.
--> 339. Can't avoid going on an epic quest with the excuse "Can't find a sitter."
* ScrewThisImOuttaHere:
--> 951. The most important stat in Call of Cthulhu is not movement.
--> 1209. Even if the boss monster has 100% magic resistance, my wizard can’t go catch a movie.
--> 1232. “Head, Heart, Run” is not our posse’s motto.
* ScrewYouElves: Mr. Welch seems to relish in tormenting the pointy-eared folk and their players.
--> 55. Before facing the dragon, not allowed to glaze the elf.
--> 89. The elf's name is not [[Literature/BoredOfTheRings Legolam]].
--> 156. When one person forgets to buy rations eating the half-elf is not our first option.
--> 224. I cannot insinuate elf chicks are all easy, even though you never hear about a half gnome do you?
--> 229. Not allowed to spontaneously check if the elf can take a punch.
--> 379. I am to stop asking the elf to put in a good word for me with Santa.
--> 472. When my cleric is told to "Buff the Elf," I know exactly what it means and may not miscontrue it in any way.
--> 826. Elves do not respond to chainsaws the same ways dogs react to vacuum cleaners.
--> 942. We do not need an elf on this dungeoncrawl for the same reason miners need canaries.
--> 997. [[Series/Roots1977 I can't beat on the drow until he admits his name is Toby.]]
--> 1054. I will call the elf druid by his real impossibly long elf name, and not just [[TabletopGame/MagicTheGathering Llanowar]] Leafblower.
---> 1055. I will also not simply refer to the elf druid as that dirty, dirty hippie.
--> 1112. I will stop referring to the Eladrin as just the Elf Mk II.
--> 1250. I will address the other PC as Lord Tyrion, Eldritch Knight of the Winter Court. And not just as the Sidhe Male. [[note]](Sidhe is correctly pronounced "Shee".)[[/note]]
--> 1410. Bleaching the drow won't help.
--> 1500. I will not convince the dragon to eat the elf instead because he's organically grown.
--> 1619. If the elf is rolling badly doesn't mean we need to water him.
--> 1874. Even if elves are a dying race, can't [[AdamAndEvePlot start]] [[BreedingSlave a]] [[MateOrDie forced]] [[PeopleFarms breeding]] [[BabyFactory program]].
--> 1877. I will stop asking the high elf for a hit.
--> 1878. Elves are not all backstabbing, untrustworthy weasels, but you never hear about a dark gnome do you?
--> 1880. [[GrievousHarmWithABody Elves are not piercing weapons by default.]]
--> 1933. No part of the elven cloak is actually made out of elves.
--> 2019. Even if the elf fails his willpower check, [[BringMyBrownPants we don't need to change him]].
--> 2120. Elves do not squirt ink out of their nipples as a defense mechanism.
---> 2121. Elves also do not secrete a foul tasting oil when threatened.
--> 2122. The reason elves live in forests is not to protect them from [[KidnappingBirdOfPrey eagles that swoop down and grab them up]].
--> 2228. No asking the elf how they make it to 1000 years old with [[SquishyWizard such a crappy fortitude save]].
--> 2373. The name for a group of elves is not the fagot.
--> 2381. Just because they can't be the target of raise dead spells doesn't mean elves have no soul.
* SdrawkcabName:
--> 170. I cannot name my character [[Creator/GaryGygax Xagyg]] or any anagram thereof.
--> 1230. It's okay if you name your Kindred {{Alucard}}. But I still can't name my Garou Namflow.
* SelfImposedChallenge:
--> 1394. I will not take on the entire dungeon [[ExtremityExtremist using only one body part to attack]].
* SensitivityTraining:
--> 23. Any character who has a sensitivity training center named after him will be taken away.
* {{Seppuku}}:
--> 389. My {{samurai}} is not required to commit seppuku if he fails to hit the monster.
* SexSignalsDeath: The quintessential slasher movie example is parodied when Mr. Welch attempts to exploit it.
--> 835. I cannot lure out the [[SerialKiller Psycho Killer]] into an ambush by having sex with another character.
* ShakeSomeoneObjectsFall: Not an acceptable substitute for a pickpocket roll.
--> 1108. Picking his pocket means more than just turning him upside down and shaking him vigorously.
* ShamuFu:
--> 798. Not allowed to use guppies as buckshot.
--> 1777. No using goldfish as improvised weapons just to get the dual weapon bonus.
* ShapedLikeItself:
--> 1785. I can't play an anthropomorphic homo sapiens.
* ShotgunsAreJustBetter:
--> 99. Not allowed to see if Jedi can parry a shotgun blast with their lightsaber.
--> 619. No matter what the dice say, I can't kill a 4th gen vampire with a pump action loaded with buck in a single round.
--> 958. No matter how practical, I can't have shotgunchucks.
--> 973. Shotguns are not a traditional part of Texas funerals.
--> 1916. Even if the rules allow it, sniper scopes don't give bonuses to shotguns.
* ShoutOut: ''Tons'' of these.
--> 8. How to serve Dragons [[Series/TheTwilightZone1959 is not a cookbook]].
--> 25. The green elf [[{{VideoGame/Gauntlet}} does not need food badly]].
--> 36. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to [[ComicStrip/KnightsOfTheDinnerTable sit on the same side of the table]].
--> 40. Gnomes do not have the racial ability to [[VideoGame/MonkeyIsland hold their breath for 10 minutes]].
--> 42. Having a [[Theatre/CyranoDeBergerac big nose]] adds nothing to my [[PlayingCyrano seduction check.]]
-->63. No, I cannot [[Film/AnimalHouse buy 10,000 marbles even if I say please.]]
--> 64. My paladin's battle cry is not "[[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} Good for the Good God]]".
--> 83. My gnome does not [[WaxingLyrical like big butts]] [[Music/SirMixALot and he cannot lie]].
--> 124. I cannot insert the words [[Film/ShaunOfTheDead "Kill Phil, Sorry Phil"]] into any list of instructions.
--> 130. I am not authorized to [[{{Anime/Voltron}} form the head]].
--> 132. There is no such feat called "[[Film/TheLastStarfighter Death Blossom]]".
--> 143. [[Film/TheMummy1999 Not allowed to buy a holy symbol for every god just in case one of them is right.]]
--> 168. I was also not recruited by [[Literature/TheHobbit 12 dwarves and a wizard to rob a dragon]].
--> 180. [[WesternAnimation/TheTransformersTheMovie I have neither the touch nor the power.]]
--> 252. I can not order the Druid to [[Franchise/{{Transformers}} transform and roll out]].
--> 259. My Franchise/{{Highlander}}'s name cannot be [[Music/MCHammer McHammer]].
--> 267. I cannot [[Music/LynyrdSkynyrd yell "FREEBIRD"]] every time the bard makes a perform roll.
--> 330. The Halfling Paladin does not [[Film/TheWizardOfOz represent the Lollipop Guild.]]
--> 336. Cannot start a Cthuhlu character with [[Fanfic/OldManHenderson a pre-existing hatred of books, altars and cutlery]].
--> 398. No matter what popular media says, [[Franchise/MortalKombat harpoons are not proper ninja weapons.]]
--> 409. I will not [[RussianReversal cast darkness at the magic missile]].
--> 469. If I wake up to find [[Film/TheLordOfTheRings black cloaked figures]] in my room, I will not immediately point them to the halflings' room.
--> 479. As a matter of fact, Dwarven Battlegarb in no way resembles [[Music/{{ACDC}} Angus Young's stage costume.]]
--> 529. My character is not from [[Franchise/{{Dune}} Duncan, Idaho]].
--> 610. I cannot name my character [[Film/ThePrincessBride Dwead Piwate Woberts]].
--> 640. Even if he loves me too, [[Film/ChittyChittyBangBang Chitti-Chitti-Bang-Bang]] is not an appropriate choice for the romance background.
--> 730. No part of the plan includes: [[Film/RaidersOfTheLostArk You give me the idol, I give you the whip.]]
--> 731. No matter how many [[OffWithHisHead called shots to the neck]] I make, [[Film/{{Highlander}} I'm still not going to cause a cool pyrotechnics display]].
--> 871. My halfling cannot take the flaw Obsession: [[Literature/TheLordOfTheRings Ring of Invisibility]].
--> 909. Dual wielding spike chains does not let me use the battlecry [[Series/LostInSpace "DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!"]]
--> 936. [[Film/TheExorcist 'The power of Christ compels me']] does not justify my Blessed's actions.
--> 965. Even if we're freezing to death, I won't [[Film/TheEmpireStrikesBack cut open the half-orc and shove the elf inside him.]]
--> 996. [[Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick Dwarves can't take trees as favored enemies.]]
--> 997. I can't beat on the drow until he admits [[Series/Roots1977 his name is Toby.]]
--> 1012. Note to self: [[Franchise/StarWars Lightsaber]][[Webcomic/EightBitTheater chucks]]...BAD IDEA
--> 1014. I will stop blaming every massacre we come across on [[Franchise/{{Transformers}} Decepticons]].
--> 1111. There is no such thing as a [[WesternAnimation/TheVentureBros Magic Murder Bag]] of Holding.
--> 1129. I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every [[Series/DoctorWho police box]] we pass.
--> 1151. Our mission is to rescue the princess. Not to [[Music/JustinTimberlake bring Sexy back.]]
--> 1187. It's okay to feed the Ewok [[Film/{{Gremlins}} after midnight]].
--> 1287. Let's not taunt the minotaur with "[[VideoGame/MonkeyIsland How appropriate]], YouFightLikeACow".
--> 1332. Even if silence is required for the entire adventure, we are not naming the Black Ops [[Music/OperationMindcrime Operation: Mimecrime]].
--> 1356. Before we start, let's make sure whether everybody blows up if I [[Franchise/{{Dune}} shoot a shield with a lasgun]].
--> 1405. It's obvious I'm just playing a skald so I can sing "Bjeorning, Bjoerning, Disco Inferno".
--> 1454. The paladin does not appreciate us painting [[WesternAnimation/HeManAndTheMastersOfTheUniverse1983 his dire tiger green and orange]].
--> 1484. Just because I can, doesn't mean I should [[Film/TheWizardOfOz drop a house on the witch]].
--> 1489. My bard will not stop every passing minstrel for a round of [[Film/{{Deliverance}} Dueling Banjos]].
--> 1509. No part of the Constitution is written in [[Film/NationalTreasure invisible ink]].
--> 1541. While highly effective, [[Film/RepoTheGeneticOpera grabbing a man by his small intestine and making him talk like a ventriloquist dummy is frowned on]].
--> 1618. Any character even remotely resembling Film/MrBNatural is dead before the first dice are rolled.
--> 1643. Despite [[Film/MontyPythonAndTheHolyGrail precedent]], if the travel gets rough, we can't eat the bard.
--> 1710. "Mooning [[Franchise/StreetFighter M. Bison]]" is not an appropriate stunt action.
--> 1716. [[Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick Summon Para-Legal Elemental]] is not a real spell.
--> 1736. Can't name my rabbit familiar [[Literature/WatershipDown Watership]].
--> 1853. I can't [[Literature/SkippysList chew gum during chapter briefings, even if I brought enough for the entire Space Marine Chapter]].
--> 1854. TSR is not hiding [[Literature/CharlieAndTheChocolateFactory Golden Tickets]] in Mystara Gazetteers.
--> 1864. Even if paladin [[Theatre/TheMusicMan starts with P and that rhymes with T, it doesn't stand for trouble.]]
---> 1865. No wasting Music Man references on a 10th grader.
--> 1868. Playing Music/TheWho doesn't give me a bonus to [[Series/CSIMiami forensics checks]].
--> 1936. You don't have to be lawful evil to be sentenced to [[Music/{{Megadeth}} Devil's Island]].
--> 1960. I will not use the commune spell to find out [[Literature/AtlasShrugged who is John Galt]].
--> 1980. The druid can't transform into a sports car. Even if we [[WesternAnimation/TurboTeen douse him]] [[Manga/RanmaOneHalf with hot water]].
--> 2011. There is no easy way to tell a guy he named his [[TabletopGame/Warhammer40000 genetically engineered uber space]] [[http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/White_Scars Mongolian]] after UsefulNotes/GenghisKhan's wife.
--> 2035. [[Series/BattlestarGalactica2003 Cylons]] don't have a [[Film/BladeRunner four year life span]].
--> 2105. Infravision no longer works like thermographic vision, so I can stop trying to hide from the elf by [[Film/{{Predator}} smearing myself with mud]].
--> 2166. [[Series/DoctorWho The Weeping Angels]] natural enemy is not the goldfish.
--> 2245. Ammunition is not just [[Theatre/GlengarryGlenRoss for closers]].
--> 2254. [[Film/{{Predator}} Covering myself in mud]] doesn't make me invisible to the elf.
--> 2280. We aren't starting 5th edition by finding [[TabletopGame/ForgottenRealms Elminster]] [[Series/{{Dallas}} in the shower wondering about 4th edition]].
--> 2300. It's cute when you train [[VideoGame/BaldursGate your hamster to attack their eyes]]. Your weasel not so cute.
--> 2356. There is no such thing as medicinal [[Franchise/{{Dune}} melange]].
--> 2398. The Fereldan rules of succession are not just [[Film/MadMaxBeyondThunderdome "Two men enter, one man leaves."]]
--> 2400. Just because I have the technology, doesn't mean I need to [[Series/TheSixMillionDollarMan make him better]].
--> 2403. [[DefiedTrope Can't give a shout out]] in a ransom note.
--> 2462. My paladin does not have [[Film/RoboCop1987 fourth, classified, oath known only to Omnicorp]].
* SignificantAnagram: Has done this so often he is explicitly required to note ''aversions''.
--> 2068. If my character's name is not an anagram, I will tell the DM before he spends 30 minutes rearranging letters.
* SillyReasonForWar:
--> 625. I must remember before the next time I shave off the sleeping dwarf's beard and glue it to the sleeping elf, wars have been started that way.
* SimilarlyNamedWorks: Invoked.
--> 1333. I will tell the {{noob}} the [[TabletopGame/Twilight2000 game]] is about [[WorldWarIII post nuclear Europe]] and not [[Literature/TheTwilightSaga love struck vampires]] before we start.
* SmellySkunk:
--> 1036. My druid can't summon or change into a skunk. No seriously, it's not allowed in the rulebook.
* SpannerInTheWorks: He has a knack for playing this role.
--> 329. Not allowed to spoil the plot by simply removing the hinges on the door.
* SpareBodyParts: Denied.
--> 68. Bring him back intact includes redundant organs.
* SpitTake:
--> 2375. I will remember the whole acid spray ability before I cause the Company Chaplain to spit take.
* StalkerWithACrush:
--> 556. Even though I'm the ranger, I can't stalk the elf babe.
--> 1805. I won't mention a celebrity that causes another gamer to go all stalker. Sorry in advance Jeannie Mai.
* TheStarscream: Not for the sake of ambition, mind you. He just doesn't like having an idiot for an employer.
--> 1103. Just because I was paid in advance doesn’t mean I can let the incompetent expedition leader die.
* STDImmunity:
--> 588. Paladins are immune to [=STDs=], but if I take advantage of this ability, I lose it. Wonderful paradox, isn't it?
* StealthPun:
--> 2259. Even if I am allowed to design my own gun, I can't make a .314 Magnum Pistol.
* StealthyColossus:
--> 1837. I won't ask how a 9' combat monster with no concept of subtlety starts with a +1D in stealth.
* {{Stripperiffic}}:
--> 1765. Even if my CO does it, a unitard is not an appropriate SAS uniform.
* UsefulNotes/StockholmSyndrome:
--> 399. When I have to pick a starting dementia, Stockholm Syndrome is not appropriate.
* StuffBlowingUp:
--> 15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
--> 1270. [[MadBomber Weapon Focus:]] {{Nuke|Em}}s is not a real feat.
--> 1352. Even if we are issued a nuke, I'm not allowed to touch it.
--> 1356. Before we start, let's make sure whether [[RocksFallEveryoneDies everybody]] [[StuffBlowingUp blows up]] if I shoot a [[DeflectorShields shield]] with a [[EnergyWeapon lasgun]].
--> 1925. Can't disguise a nuclear bomb to look like me.
* SubvertedRhymeEveryOccasion:
--> 46. Sliver rhymes with silver because the computer frelling says so.
* SummonBiggerFish:
--> 583. Can't intimidate the evil wizard just by constantly summoning bigger versions of what he's just summoned.
* SurpriseParty:
--> 1912. No more surprise parties for [[TheBerserker the berserker]].
* SuperNotDrowningSkills: [[OrdinaryDrowningSkills Uh, no.]]
--> 1251. Even the rules disagree, my character can still drown.
--> 2428. Not allowed to see if it's possible to drown someone in a barrel filled with healing potions.
* SweetTooth: Not an inherent quality of halflings.
--> 1214. I will stop trying to put the Halfling in a diabetic coma.
* SwordAndSorcerer: Has its limits.
--> 2082. No matter [[GameBreaker how successful]], our party has to be more than a wizard and 5 pikemen.
* TakeThat: Almost all of his 4th edition ''Dungeons and Dragons''-related entries [[http://theglen.livejournal.com/272808.html are him taking potshots at that game.]]
--> 1089. Even if the game is a crappy rip-off of ''VideoGame/WorldOfWarcraft'', my character can't [[LeetSpeak speak in Leet.]]
--> 1243. Even if the game is dreadfully repetitive, our party's motto can't be 'Wash, Rinse, Repeat'.
--> 1464. Cannot use the requisition skill to get a beach house in the Virgin Islands, even if Congress can.
--> 1773. Can't use a wish spell to make the last ''Franchise/StarWars'' trilogy not suck.
--> 1782. I will remember we're playing 4th edition and stop using my imagination.
--> 2026. I will not try to bring back [[Film/BatmanAndRobin nipples as a superhero fashion statement]].
--> 2159. Just because my media only put the bare minimum into his journalistic skills doesn't mean he starts at MSNBC.
--> 2297. When asked for typical barbarian settings, I can't suggest Camden N. J.
--> 2357. Website/FourChan does not cause more sanity loss than Cthulhu.
* TakingYouWithMe: Instead of a bomb, he uses a Great Old One.
--> 171. My character's dying words are not allowed to be [[FanFic/OldManHenderson "Hastur, Hastur, Hastur."]]
* TalkingIsAFreeAction:
--> 411. It is bad form to shoot a god while he's monologuing.
--> 1335. I cannot filibuster in the middle of my dying speech to buy the cleric more time.
* TalkingTheMonsterToDeath: Not appreciated by the [=DMs=] that Mr. Welch plays with.
--> 433. I will not find a peaceful solution to the adventure just to piss off the power gamer.
--> 859. I will concede we're on a dungeon crawl and stop trying to talk to the monsters.
* TalkingYourWayOut: Also not appreciated by the [=DMs=].
--> 1101. I will not cut the vault guards in on the haul instead of fighting them.
* TalkToTheFist:
--> 707. A throat punch does not give a bonus in a contested philosophy check.
--> 1148. No matter how long his speech is, my sniper will not shoot the speaker introducing the target.
* TankGoodness:
--> 1986. When asked to be the party tank, they didn't mean an Abrams.
* {{Telefrag}}: Implied on a massive scale.
--> 368. My teleporter cannot stop the alien invasion with just the law of displacement, laws of motion, and a huge freakin' asteroid.
* TestosteronePoisoning:
--> 1336. Even if we are told to pick a manly name for the game, Genocidicles is a bit much.
* ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill:
--> 383. It is not ok to use 10,000 rounds to kill two sentries.
--> 589. If my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it's vetoed if that's the Richter scale.
--> 808. Covering fire does not include nuclear weapons.
--> 901. In the middle of the Black Ops a diversion is not blowing off the top twenty floors of the building.
--> 1016. Even if spells are [[VancianMagic use them or lose them]], I will not waste Meteor Swarms on a goblin.
--> 1167. I can stop rolling at 7x dead.
--> 1257. No, the answer to the problem is not to make a gatling gun out of bazookas.
--> 1357. Preliminary saturation carpet bombing is not automatically Plan A.
--> 1517. [[MakeSureHesDead Checking to see if the Mad Slasher is dead is ok,]] dismembering him with a shotgun is overkill.
--> 1537. My Rogue Trader does not need to announce his arrival with eight hours of orbital bombardment.
--> 1595. We aren't raising the villain from the dead because we haven't killed him enough yet.
--> 1606. If my fireballs [[EverythingMakesAMushroom always form a mushroom cloud]], time to tone it down a bit.
--> 1819. Strapping dynamite to an arrow is an acceptable cliche. Not the whole keg of gunpowder.
--> 2139. You can't [[CriticalHit critically hit]] with a nuclear weapon.
--> 2473. Even if the rules allow it, I don't get a sustained fire bonus for nuclear weapons.
* {{Theremin}}:
--> 238. My bard cannot play or has ever heard of the theremin, didgeridoo or glass harmonica.
--> 239. My rockerboy cannot play or has ever heard of the theremin, didgeridoo or glass harmonica.
* ThreateningShark: Implied, given the [[NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast title]].
--> 107. There is no such game as Wereshark the Buffet.
* ThrowAwayGuns:
--> 1532. If it's cheaper to buy a new gun than reload the old one, there's a problem.
* ThrowingDownTheGauntlet:
--> 2335. While it is customary to initiate a duel by striking with a gauntlet, it is also customary to do it at subsonic speeds.
* ThrownOutTheAirlock:
--> 159. Airlocks do not double as trash disposals.
--> 536. If a powergamer joins our crew, I will not billet him in the newly furnished auxiliary airlock.
--> 1201. 'Just blow them out the airlock' is not a backup First Contact Protocol.
--> 1650. Venting non-essential crew to the void before payday is not an acceptable cost cutting measure.
* TokenMinority:
--> 518. Affirmative Action does not require me to play a drow.
* TooImportantToWalk:
--> 315. My gnome cannot save points on the ride skill simply by asking for piggyback rides everywhere.
* TrailersAlwaysSpoil: Is required to notify the DM about it.
--> 2419. I am required to tell the DM if the secret villain of the adventure is revealed on the back synopsis of the module screen.
* TranslationConvention: Unsurprisingly, this only happens in movies.
--> 10. Just because my character and I can speak German, doesn't mean the GM can.
* TrojanHorse:
--> 1231. No matter how low Orc intelligence, they aren't going to fall for a large wooden horse outside the gates of Mordor.
* TrailOfBreadCrumbs:
--> 712. When told to leave a trail for the rest of the party to follow, they didn't mean with cigarette butts.
* TrainingFromHell:
--> 632. When asked to tutor someone on his defense trait, can't keep punching him until he gets it.
* TrueArtIsIncomprehensible: Welch is not allowed to invoke it in-universe.
--> 1396. [[LudicrousGibs No matter]] [[ChunkySalsaRule his condition]], we aren't selling the villain's corpse as modern art.
* TruthSerums:
--> 738. Though highly educational, no more slipping the anti-paladin sodium pentathal.
[[/folder]]

[[folder:U-Z]]
* UltimateShowdownOfUltimateDestiny: In-Universe.
--> 1192. My last wish cannot be for a cage match between Cthulhu, Godzilla, Galactus and the Tarrasque.
* UnconventionalAlignment:
--> 122. The paladin's alignment is not Lawful Anal.
--> 651. My alignment is not Sarcastic Good.
--> 742. Apparently Chaotic Angry and Neutral Hungry aren't real alignments either.
* UnfortunateNames: Lampshaded.
--> 1305. No amount of background will allow me to name the character Biff Buttoms.
--> 1639. No giving a character a dumb name so he can pick fights over it later.
* TheUnpronouncable:
--> 459. The [[TabletopGame/VampireTheMasquerade vampire clan]] with vicissitude [[note]]The Tzimisce[[/note]] is not pronounced 'Karl'.
--> 561. I can't play a deep gnome just to make the rest of the party have to pronounce Svirfneblin.
--> 716. I cannot play a race the GM can't pronounce.
--> 740. Not allowed to give my character a name from a bushman click language.
--> 2257. Even if my character is Welsh, his name has to include vowels.
* UnsettlingGenderReveal:
--> 2222. The Find Traps spell doesn't work on dating websites.
* UnsportsmanlikeGloating: During character creation, apparently.
--> 1977. If I managed to roll up a half ogre knight errant on 3d6 straight down, no gloating.
---> 1978. Naming the half ogre Sir Loin of Beef is gloating.
* UnusualEuphemism: Not allowed to use them.
--> 1684. No making up euphemisms for death.
* UpliftedAnimal:
--> 273. No matter how smart I make my animal companion, he still can't take the tax accountant skill.
--> 2294. I will stop casting Awaken on the other party members' horses.
* UselessUsefulSpell:
--> 12. Must learn at least one offensive or defensive spell if I'm the sorcerer.
* UseYourHead:
--> 1882. The monk counts as adamantine when attacking, not when being used as a battering ram.
* ValleyGirl:
--> 26. Valley speak has no place in a fantasy setting. Especially if you're the paladin.
* VampireHunter: He hunts bloodsuckers with extreme prejudice, it seems.
--> 30. I am not to kill off all the vampires in the LARP, even if they are terminally stupid.
--> 109. Not allowed to kill a vampire with any part from a DC-10 larger than my car.
--> 193. Not allowed to kill vampires with seismic charges.
--> 217. If the weapon is capable of staking vampires hiding behind engine blocks, I can't have it.
--> 454. No staking a vampire with anything larger than his chest cavity.
--> 565. My vampire hunter can't have anything he saw on an infomercial at 3am on Creator/{{PBS}}.
--> 619. No matter what the dice say, I can't kill a 4th gen vampire with a pump action loaded with buck in a single round.
--> 660. Walmart is not my one stop shopping place for hunting vampires.
--> 686. My vampire hunter does not take the "un" out of "undead".
--> 1113. I will not shoot vampires in the chest with a large pistol just so they have to explain the embarrassing sucking chest wound.
--> 1116. Add Bulldozers to the list of things vampires are allergic to.
--> 1403. Can't use dominate to make vampires forget to change their clocks for Daylight Savings Time.
--> 1521. While not lethal, Ferris Wheels aren't exactly healthy to vampires.
--> 1851. Can't use woodchippers as shotguns against vampires.
* VerbalTic:
--> 478. Castillians do not always end their sentences with the word "Ariba!"
--> 502. If my character is not named "[[Franchise/{{Transformers}} Grimlock]]," I cannot start every sentence with "[[HulkSpeak Me Grimlock!]]"
---> 516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock.
* VirginSacrifice:
--> 401. When a virgin sacrifice is demanded I will not look knowingly at the paladin, netrunner or Hermetic.
* VorpalPillow:
-->748. Holding a pillow over a sleeping person's face is not a gnomish expression of affection.
* WalkingShirtlessScene:
--> 313. My British Superspy does not get a reroll on his seduction check if his shirt gets ripped off.
* WastefulWishing: Over a dozen, including...
--> 227. My last wish cannot be "I wish we were playing another game."
--> 257. I cannot wish nobody else gets wishes.
--> 568. My first wish cannot be "I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish".
--> 569. All 3 of my wishes cannot involve Alpacas.
--> 653. Cannot wish for the party to have common sense. Even the wish spell has its limits.
--> 1100. I cannot wish that someone else was an Oscar Meyer weiner.
* WaxMuseumMorgue:
--> 2223. [[TakenForGranite Stone to flesh]] spells are banned in all major art galleries.
* WaxingLyrical:
--> 390. My character's background must be more indepth than a montage of Queen lyrics.
--> 987. After the battle, my Astartes is to spend his time training and in meditation, not choreographing Gilbert and Sullivan numbers.
* WeaponizedAnimal:
--> 37. They do not make black market illegal cyberweapons for rodents.
--> 2207. We are not stopping the villain with small mammals armed with power tools.
--> 2420. You can't teach a parrot Power Word Kill.
* WeaponOfXSlaying:
--> 104. Nor is there a +1 Longsword, +5 against party members.
--> 206. I cannot forge a +1 sword of Brad's Min/Maxed Paladin/Monk Slaying.
* WeightAndSwitch:
--> 1727. When facing the classic weight balance trap, can't use the halfling for ballast.
* WeNeedADistraction: Greatly limited.
--> 450. When told to distract the villainess, they didn't mean with a surprise marriage proposal.
--> 678. Distract the bad guy does not mean with a recreation of the Apollo landing.
--> 1667. When told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean by playing Wham over their commlinks.
--> 1668. When told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean by shooting the guy standing next to him.
--> 1669. When told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean [[ManOnFire by setting him on fire]].
--> 1783. Distracting the bad guy does not mean with an aztec bar mitzvah.
--> 1942. Can't distract the villain by sending him a text.
--> 2183. Distract the bad guy does not mean with a called shot to his appendix.
--> 2206. Create a distraction doesn't mean with walruses trained in ballroom dance.
--> 2475. When told to distract the enemy, they didn't mean with a called shot to their flamethrower.
* WhatDidIDoLastNight:
--> 597. The party does not need to know about that time I woke up duct taped to the back of a Drow Matron Mother.
--> 654. If the party goes into my room and finds a Deva wearing only baby oil, oven mitts and spurs, they can start the module without me.
* {{Whatevermancy}}:
--> 334. Pinball is not a specialization [[Music/TheWho for wizards]].
--> 578. Rectomancy is not a school of magic.
--> 888. Breast enhancing spells gain no benefits from meta-magic feats.
* WhatKindOfLamePowerIsHeartAnyway:
--> 250. Superfluous Man is not a viable superhero concept.
--> 1191. Super powers that are only useful to art majors are vetoed.
--> 1210. I will keep rolling until I get a superpower I can actually use.
--> 1565. Shapechanging is an acceptable super power. Shapechanging [[CripplingOverspecialization only into the '93 San Diego Padres]] is not.
* {{Whoring}} / CripplingOverspecialization:
--> 69. There is more to wizardry than magic missile. Even if I can do 200 damage automatic with no save.
--> 381. Min/Max for combat=good. Min/Max for accounting=bad.
--> 1195. I will not min/max the appraise skill just to clean up on ''Series/ThePriceIsRight''.
--> 1730. No putting all my weapon points in the blowgun.
--> 2082. No matter how successful, our party has to be more than just a wizard and 5 pikemen.
** Incidentally, yes, most variations of [[TheOldestProfession the other kind]] are banned too.
* WishingForMoreWishes:
--> 97. My one wish cannot be 'I wish everything on this piece of paper was true'.
* WithCatlikeTread:
--> 1584. Even if the rules allow it, you can't sneak with a running chainsaw.
--> 1624. It is bad form to sing along with the elevator music in a Black Ops.
* WizardMode:
--> 334. Pinball is not a specialization for wizards.
* WoobieDestroyerOfWorlds:
--> 1751. [[Literature/{{Dragonlance}} Lord Soth]] just does not need a hug.
* WrestlerInAllOfUs: Denied.
--> 1842. You can't suplex a [[TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}} lictor]].
* YouAllMeetInACell:
--> 1798. Can't start every game breaking out of jail.
* YouAllMeetInAnInn: Not good enough for him.
--> 212. If the party always starts the adventure in a tavern, I cannot opt to start in a brothel.
--> 1688. Just because he starts every game in a tavern doesn't mean the Barbarian needs rehab.
* YouCanLeaveYourHatOn:
--> 351. I cannot take skill Profession: Ecdysiast.
--> 739. Can't make the Black Ops super easy by sending a couple of strippers to the guardroom first.
--> 814. Sending the villain a Nymph stripper only works once.
--> 1244. I will not point out the Drow Matron would make more money as an exotic dancer. Even if it's true.
* YouCantThwartStageOne:
--> 1449. Any plan that would quickly, logically and safely defeat the module early is doomed to failure.
--> 1881. No shooting the Quarren at the start of the adventure, even if it would have immediately solved the last four adventures instantly.
* YouNeedToGetLaid:
--> 228. I cannot use my time machine to hire Hitler a hooker in 1920, thus avoiding [=WW2=].
--> 1898. No hiring [[Franchise/StarWars Anakin Skywalker]] some Twi'lek hookers, thus removing his reason to become Vader.
* YouPutTheXInXY:
--> 686. My vampire hunter does not take the "un" out of "undead".
--> 865. I do not put the "cad" in "decadent" or the "rave" in "depraved".
* YourDaysAreNumbered:
--> 1022. Can't start the game with 24 hours to live.
* YourHeadAsplode:
--> 344. No matter how much I make my IQ roll by, I can't make the other guy's head explode.
--> 1642. No matter what the rules say, antibiotics can't make a man's head explode.
--> 1791. Can't make the genie's head explode until everybody else has had their wish.
--> 1846. If the Ork makes his check to solve higher mathematics, his head doesn't explode.
* YourMom:
--> 322. My bard knows more songs than just "I Saw Your Mommy".
[[/folder]]
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