Romance And Sexuality Separation YKTTW Discussion

Romance And Sexuality Separation
The character is emotionally unable to love and have sex with the same person.
(permanent link) added: 2011-06-14 05:27:24 sponsor: Xzenu (last reply: 2011-11-04 08:44:16)

Add Tag:
Rolling Updates * Needs More Examples
  • Former title: Love And Lust Separation

The character is emotionally unable to love and have sex with the same person. This is often caused by a deep sexual self-loathing where they consider their own sexuality to be dirty and may be a dysfunctional way of getting over a Paralyzing Fear of Sexuality.

For a male character, it often comes with a mindset of My Girl Is Not a Slut: Either in the form of "I don't want to make my girl a slut by sleeping with her" or in the form of "she's a slut for sleeping with me, so I don't want her". This phenomenon was fomerly popularly called the Madonna-Whore Complex, back before that other Madonna's frank sexuality made the old term a bit too confusing.

For a female character, the same problem may apply through Internalized Categorism. It may also be about being overly concerned with avoiding the Sex for Services trope: If a guy does nice things for her, she might be afraid of coming across as paying for his services with her body, and thus she'd rather have sex with some random Jerk she's not even as attracted to.

Of course, for both genders, the portrayal may very well limit itself to the character being messed-up in general. Or simply portrayed as inherently incomprehensible.

Since most people are capable of being emotionally and/or sexually attached to more than one person, it's not an example when a character simply has sex with someone other than the Love Interest. For this trope to come into effect, the separation between lust and love has to become a problem. If not emotionally, so at least socially.

Compare/contrast Can't Have Sex, Ever. For cases where a woman falls for a man other than the Protagonist-Centered Morality dictates that she ought to, see instead Dogged Nice Guy or All Girls Want Bad Boys.


Comic Books
  • In the Swedish strip Rocky, one of the titulat character's friends fall in love with some random woman and doesn't even want to have sex with her because he consider her "too pure" for that. The whole thing is Played for Laughs, with him portrayed as delusional and her portrayed as a total skank.


  • In the Dresden Files, Harry's half-brother is a white court vampire who loves this woman, but BECAUSE of that love, they can't touch each other without him getting burned...
  • Victor, a sex addict, in the Chuck Palahniuk novel Choke (as well as The Film of the Book starring Sam Rockwell) can't sleep with his mother's doctor Paige, for this reason.

Live-Action TV
  • On an episode of The Jersey Shore, The Situation points out that Angelina regularly has sex with various men while denying sex for the man who dates her, gives her gifts, etc. The guys tell her she's a whore for cheating on the guy she's dating and that she should have sex with him because he has done so much for her.
  • In Bones, we have one Ambiguous Situation episode where the titular character dating two guys while being either this trope or simply not enjoying everything about either guy - finding only one physically attractive and finding only the other to have an interesting personality. She was regularly having sex with one man while going out to museums and whatnot with the other. She enjoyed the one guy's physicality and the other's brain. The whole thing got blown when they found out about each other in a Two-Timer Date situation. Sex Guy wanted to hang out with her and Hang Out Guy wanted to have sex with her. She refused to compromise for either, so they both dumped her.

Replies: 24