Strangely Specific Horoscope
A horoscope that is either oddly specific, downright strange or both
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(permanent link) added: 2014-01-15 15:29:59 sponsor: GuesssWho edited by: jormis29 (last reply: 2014-06-30 15:03:47)

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This week, all Aquariuses will turn into mermaids, Taurus has some funny stories about a guy named Jimmy, and Leos will be eaten by gigantic land shrimp.

Usually, horoscopes are about as broad as possible, so that anyone can feel like it applies to them. In fiction, however, it's often more entertaining to have horoscopes that describe something totally insane, either to prove how accurate the horoscope is or just to keep people on their toes.


  • Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency has a horoscope writer for the local paper who knew Dirk at university, and always aims his horoscopes at Dirk.
  • In Good Omens, the local newspaper serving Tadfield has a surprisingly specific horoscope for Libra, on the day the apocalypse begins. This is just after a discussion of late medieval Bishop Usher's great contribution to Creationism, in which he conclusively worked out from Biblical revelation that God created Earth in October, 4004 B.C. Which makes the Earth a Libra...
  • In The Light Fantastic, the University's astrologer reads Rincewind's horoscope in hope of tracking down his location. It rambles a bit, but warns those born under the Small Boring Group of Faint Stars not to annoy any druids twice, which is very good advice for someone in Rincewind's circumstances that day.

Live-Action TV
  • Black Hole High. Lucas shoved off a school assignment and submitted silly horoscope predictions to the school paper instead of a serious article and made them obviously about his friends. Because the school sits on a do-anything-black hole they came true. And he made a typo saying one of them would die rather than diet.
  • In the first episode of the Dirk Gently TV show, one of the cases involves a man whose horoscopes are always coming true. Gently tries to convince him that it's a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy - he had an affair because the horoscope said he would, not because he wanted one.
  • One episode of Psych has Shawn going semi-undercover at the local paper as a horoscope writer. When Gus criticizes his horoscopes for being too specific, Shawn replies that he wrote them with specific people in mind.
  • A skit on the 80s UK sketch show Little and Large had Eddie Large impersonating 80s UK fortune-teller Russell Grant, with increasingly specific and bizarre horoscopes, including "And tomorrow, you will die".

  • "Weird Al" Yankovic's song "Your Horoscope For Today" is about a series of horoscopes including bizarre events and random insults.

  • Episode six of Welcome to Night Vale features a horoscopes section where each of the zodiac signs are given increasingly odd/hilarious horoscopes. Among other things, Cecil warns Capricorns that "those were not contact lenses you put in this morning", announces that its Taurus's "annual crime day" where they're exempt from all laws, and simply curses Scorpios and their families and calls them "vile" for no understandable reason.

Web Sites
  • The Onion loves this one. Every issue has an insane horoscope.

Western Animation
  • The Simpsons: "Treehouse of Horror XI - G-G-Ghost D-D-Dad" involves Homer's horoscope saying that he will die today. Worried, Marge looks at her horoscope, which says that her husband will die!
  • An episode of Family Guy has a criminal robbing a convenience store, but he's told that the cash register won't open unless he makes a purchase.
    Crook: Alright, give me one of those Horoscope scrolls! ..."Financial transaction benefits you today." Ooooh!
    Clerk: Weirrrrrd.

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