Statler: So this guy likes to break the fourth wall with his comics?

Waldorf: Makes sense, they sure broke the budget with them!

Me: Hey, that's actually pretty funny!

Both: ...

Me again: You guys wanna get an ice cream or something while everyone else browses the index?

Waldorf: Just when you think this page can't get any worse, something wonderful happens!

Statler: What's that?

Waldorf: It ends!

Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: Why do you think this trope shows up in so many video games?
Statler: I think the developers must be Compensating For Something.
Waldorf: A low budget?
Statler: No, a lousy game!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: Someone should put a stop to all this insensitive comedy.
Statler: You said it, abort the jokes!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: Hey, some of these puns aren't half bad!
Statler: I know. They're ALL bad.
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: Hey, they left us out of this entry!
Statler:I think they were trying to improve the page.
Waldorf: Only blanking it would do that!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh! Because they were in The Muppet Show, not Statler And Waldorf.

Statler: It looks like they're sorry for creating this page.
Waldorf: Yeah, and I'm sorry for reading it!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Statler: I don't think that Muppet Show example was fair to Miss Piggy.
Waldorf: Why not?
Statler: She was doing her best with what she had. It was either that or be her usual large ham. Dohohohoho... um... ho.
Waldorf: (purses his lips, non-plussed)

Waldorf: I can't believe I'm saying this, but this page isn't really that bad.
Statler: Must be a Self Demonstrating Article.
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: This is an excellent page!
Statler: I have absolutely nothing to criticize here!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: Seems like a lot of people are plotting to take over the world.
Statler: This world? Who would want it?
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Statler: Someone should send the Grim Reaper to the writer of this page!

Death: I visit the writer of every page.

Statler: Do-ho-ho... huh?

Statler: Say, why is it that we always have to show up at the end of these articles?
Waldorf: They're Tropers! They wouldn't shut up otherwise!
Both: Do-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho!

Waldorf: These entries aren't getting finished!
Statler: Who cares? They never should have been started!
Both: Do-ho-h

Waldorf: Хе Статлер, почему мы говорим в плох переведенном русском?

Statler: Я думаю, кто-то использовал Бабелфиш для бедного юмором!

Waldorf: Так я угадываю мы не даже нужный в советском Россия.

Statler: Почему это?

Waldorf: В советском Россия, тропэры делают дурачков себя!

Both: До-хо-хо-хо-хо-хо-хо!

Waldorf: That Nomura guy puts way too many zippers on his characters.
Statler: I don't know, I think they could still use a few more.
Waldorf: You do?
Statler: Yeah. Over their mouths!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Statler: Say Waldorf, why do they call 'em pot holes?

Waldorf: Probably because if you're not careful when you run into one you'll be there for hours!

Waldorf: You know, this isn't a bad page these kids have here.
Statler: Well, I think it's a real pain in the ass!
Both: Doh-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: You know, after reading that Cricket isn't really that hard to understand.
Statler: Indeed, I now understand perfectly why we fought a war to get away from people who would find it entertaining.
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: Was it as good for you as it was for me?
Statler: No, it was equally bad for both of us!
Waldorf: That's what she said!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Statler: Say, Waldorf, do you think this Web site counts as edutainment?

Waldorf: Don't see why not. After all, it encourages people to get off the Internet and read books.

Together: Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Waldorf: Why do you suppose Tropers like zombies so much?
Statler: Because they don't have lives either.
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Statler: Well they got something right for once. We are the best things on this website.

Waldorf: Actually we're the ONLY good things on this website

Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Waldorf: You know, they seem to chronicle the various forms of sexiness to a very large extent.
Statler: Well, we all like what we can't have!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Statler: I wonder why they keep mentioning life on other planets.
Waldorf: Why should they care? They don't have lives on this one!
Both: Dohohohoho

Statler: Come to think of it, all finales are grand!
Waldorf: Yeah, because they always mean the stupid show's finally over!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!\\

Statler: You know why Paul had to name his book "Instrument of God"?
Waldorf: Because getting people to finish it would require Divine Intervention!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: So this man's a comedian and a criminal?
Statler: Why not? They're one and the same anyway!
Both and a third voice: Doh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Statler and Waldorf: Ho-ho? Ho-Ho-h...no-OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-*hurk*
Joker: (still Laughing) Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! Hee-hee-hee. Heh.

Waldorf: Well, living forever looks pretty good.

Statler: You know what'll be the best part?

Waldorf: Why, making fun of everything!

Both: Doh-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Statler: We raised "Take That" "to an art form?"
Waldorf: It looks to me like they "took that" and ran with it.
Statler: If only we'd done the same, eh?
Both: Dohhhhh-ho-ho-ho-ho!''

Statler: Nederland. Wat vind je er nu van?  ^*

^{So, what do you make of the Netherlands?}

Waldorf: Het is koud, nat en druk. De mensen mopperen, zijn onbeschoft en stinken naar kaas.  ^*

^{It's cold, wet and crowded. And the people there are grumpy, rude, and stink of cheese.}

Statler: Ja! Ik voel me er helemaal thuis!  ^*

^{Yeah! We'd be right at home, there!}

Beiden: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Statler: Wait, so this fella delivers biting, negative criticism to everything he hates?

Waldorf: Yep.

Statler: What gives him the right to judge things so harshly?

Waldorf: Yeah, that's our job!

Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Statler: 'Ah, the beauty of live-action. Makes you feel like you're really there, doesn't it?

Waldorf: Yeah, I can be bored to death from the comfort of my own home!

Both: Doh-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Statler: I can't believe we haven't visited this page before!

Waldorf: I don't want to believe we have!

Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Statler: Imagine, people spending so long complaining about something they dislike.

Waldorf: I know! It usually only takes us a few seconds!

Both: Doh-ho-ho-ho!

Statler: You think there'd still be war if dames were in charge?
Waldorf: Sure, but only for one week of the month!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: They seem to be using this page to discuss dead fads.
Statler: Hey! Do you remember TV Tropes?
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: Personally, I never could get behind Japanese comedy.
Statler: Why not? Better than being in front of it!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Statler: Hey, Waldorf, do you know what the name of this page is?
Waldorf: Candle Jack? Oh no... Well I guess he's not here.
Statler: I don't blame him. If I had a name like 'Candle Jack', I wouldn't want to show up either!
Both: Do-ho-h You were saying?

Waldorf: So I hear this guy is always looking for the Anti-Life Equation.
Statler: He sure came to the right place. Nobody has a life around here!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: Tropers sure seem to like the word "egregious".
Statler: That's because it describes this whole website!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Statler: You know what I would do if I were an Evil Overlord?
Waldorf: Oh? What's that?
Statler: Quit. They always try to rule over everything. Would you want to rule this site?
Waldorf: Nah. It's more fun to make fun of it.
Both: Doh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Statler: So, you got anything pithy to say about this page?
Waldorf: What, and give it more thought than they did?
Both: Dohohohohohohoho!

Waldorf: This is the first Death I've ever seen with an hourglass figure!
Statler: Y'know, at our age, jokin' about The Grim Reaper probably isn't a good idea...
Waldorf: Huh. Ya got a point there. Guess it's not that bright to tempt Death.
Statler: ...of course, I might not mind if it was her!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Statler: You think these guys have ever had a moment killer?
Waldorf: I don't think they've ever had a...
Khârn: SKULLS FOR KHORNE! RAAAAGH!

MiTD: Wait, what gate?!
Waldorf: It seems as though he hasn't been paying any attention through the whole existence of the comic!
Statler: Well, I stopped paying attention to this very wiki a long time ago!
All 3: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: Hey Statler? Why is this page so jumbled up?

Statler: To make it just like tropers' minds.

Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Waldorf: This TV Tropes article is a well-written, informative and witty description of a widely used media trope.
Statler: Do you really mean that?
Waldorf: No, but that was something noone has ever said before!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: You know who I'd like to Ret Gone?

Statler: Whoever came up with this website!

Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: These people sure get worked up about fictional relationships!
Statler: Well, it's not like they'd have any of their own to get worked up about in the first place!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Statler: What do you do to exercise a dog with no legs?
Waldorf: Take him out for a drag!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Statler: And us!

Waldorf: Saying something funny!

Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Waldorf: So, what happens if you read The King in Yellow? Do you go insane?
Statler: Worse! You become a TV tropes editor!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: Do you know of any real-life cases of division by zero?
Statler: Do measurements of the I.Q. of TV Tropes editors count?
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Statler: Can you think of anything that would make TV Tropes something other than completely worthless?
Waldorf: I don't know, Statler, I just don't know!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: I can think of one thing worse than death.
Statler: What?
Waldorf: Being forced to read this site!
Both: Doh-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: Do you think we should read this article again, Statler?
Statler: *puts his hand out towards the article* NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: Sad how many people are turning into shut-ins these days, isn't it?
Statler: Not really. Would you want to run into any of those freaks out on the street?
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: You know, I just realized something. Everyone has the Idiot Ball.
Statler: Yeah. If they didn't, they wouldn't view this website!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Statler: "You know, Waldorf, this 'dialogue joke' format appears to be very useful!".

Waldorf: "Why is that?"

Statler: "Because on TV Tropes, it takes two people to come up with a lame joke!"

Both: "D'oh-hohohohoho!"

Waldorf: Hey, it sounds like these MST 3 K guys are a lot like us!
Statler: Yeah, but there's one difference though!
Waldorf: What's that?
Statler: We're actually funny!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: Excuse me sir, do you have any Sealed Good In A Can?
Statler: Why yes I do.
Waldorf: Well then you better let the poor thing out.
Both:Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh

Statler: These sites are terrible!
Waldorf: Horrendous!
Statler: Offensive!
Waldorf: I'm appalled!
Statler: So, what're we gonna do?
Waldorf: What else? Email 'em to everyone we know!
Statler: Why not just send them to this page to save time?
Waldorf: That's going a bit too far, don't you think? We're trying to gross them out, not ruin their lives.
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: They really blow the budget making these battles don't they?
Statler: Quite so, they certainly blew it when they made this website.
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Statler: You know, Waldorf, there's only one thing worse then being in the Imperium of Man.
Waldorf: What's that?
Statler: Being on this website!
Both: Do-hoh-do-ho-
Khârn: BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! RAAAAGH!

Waldorf: I can't believe it. An entire page, and we don't get mentioned once!
Statler: Yeah... should you thank them or should I?
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: Why do they think this bad English is funny?
Statler: What makes you think their own English is good?
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Waldorf: Hey, do you think we could get on this show?

Statler: Hm. They only let Muppets on if they're in Guantatamo Bay... or Republicans!

Waldorf: Uh... well, I best start packing for Cuba then!

Both: Doh-ho-ho-ho-ho!

Statler: Finally, we've seen that horrendous character do a good show!
Waldorf: Good, can he be dropped out of the series now?
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: Say, take a look at this! They've used Stylistic Suck on the list of tropes!
Statler: Oh? Where've they put it?
Waldorf: Everywhere!
Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Statler: Are we gonna end with that stinger?

Waldorf: No, we're going to steal a joke from the first volume; that'll help.

Statler: But not much!

Waldorf: Not much, no...

Both: Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!

Waldorf: I think a screw just fell out of this seat.
Statler: Well, put it back in, then.
Waldorf: You know, that's word-for-word what Astoria said last night.
Statler: Dohohohoho!