| 1 | [[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/the-onion-logo_2521.jpg]] |
| 2 | [[caption-width-right:350:[[{{Slogan}} Stay misinformed]].]] |
| 3 | |
| 4 | ->''[[PretentiousLatinMotto Tu Stultus Es]]''[[labelnote:Lat.]]Literally, "[[TakeThatAudience You are stupid.]]"[[/labelnote]] |
| 5 | |
| 6 | ''The Onion'' is a [[NewsParody satirical newspaper]] devoted to all aspects of American life and culture, frequently parodying tropes mentioned on Website/ThisVeryWiki. It started in 1988 as a print newspaper by a pair of students at the University of Wisconsin, and originally distributed in Madison and UsefulNotes/{{Milwaukee}}. It has since branched off into the Internet, including video clips supposedly originating from the Onion News Network. Its final print edition was published in December 2013, but the website has carried on. |
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| 8 | ''The Onion'' also has an entertainment/pop culture newspaper and website called [[http://www.avclub.com/ the AV Club]], which features pop culture news, reviews of almost every form of media (TV, albums, books, etc.) and interviews presented in a humorous but factual tone. The site's head writer was Creator/NathanRabin until 2013. The Website/AVClub maintains a separate identity and has very little (if anything) in common with ''The Onion'', mostly to avoid people mistakenly thinking that the AV Club presents fake news like ''The Onion''. |
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| 10 | The Onion has in the past extended into a movie (critically derided, even by its own AV Club), and most recently two TV series — ''OSN Sportsdome'' on Creator/ComedyCentral and ''Onion News Network'' on IFC. In 2013, a pilot for ''Onion News Empire'', a behind-the-scenes look at the ONN newsroom, was made for Amazon.com. (It wasn't picked up.) There have also been three original Onion books — ''Literature/OurDumbCentury'', a history of the 20th century told through fake Onion front pages; ''Literature/OurDumbWorld'', a HollywoodAtlas filled with stereotypes and BlackComedy; and ''Literature/TheOnionBookOfKnownKnowledge'', a mock encyclopedia of all existing knowledge. |
| 11 | |
| 12 | In Summer 2012, the Onion's Website/YouTube arm debuted ''Onion Digital Studios'', producing parodies of non-news programming ranging from nature documentaries to [[WebVideo/SexHouse reality television]]. In Summer 2014, the Onion launched another sister site, {{Website/ClickHole}}, a ClickbaitGag parodying sites such as Buzzfeed, Upworthy, ''The Huffington Post'', and ''Website/{{Cracked}}'', and in 2015, they launched [=StarWipe=], a parody of celebrity tabloids like TMZ. [=StarWipe=] was discontinued in July 2016. In 2018, the Onion released the podcast ''Podcast/AVeryFatalMurder'', which parodies TrueCrime podcasts such as ''Podcast/{{Serial}}''. |
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| 14 | It's like a TransatlanticEquivalent of ''Magazine/PrivateEye'' (except decades younger, without the investigative journalism, and as a website) and similar to the later ''[[http://www.njuz.net NJUZ]]'' and ''Website/{{Newsbiscuit}}'' (which was created on the model "a British ''Onion''"). Similarly, ''WebSite/MinistryOfHarmony'' describes itself as "The Onion for China". Two American-based sites are essentially twists on ''The Onion'' for different audiences -- ''The Website/BabylonBee'' is essentially "The Onion for conservatives", while ''Website/TheHardTimes'' is "The Onion for punk rockers". |
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| 16 | There's also the satirical Venezuelan [[CurrentEventsBlog news blog]] ''Blog/ElChiguireBipolar'',[[note]]Spanish for ''"The Bipolar Capibara"''[[/note]] which uses a similar, Onion-like format to lampoon the country's political situation, and ''[[http://www.legorafi.fr/ Le Gorafi]]''[[note]]the name is an inversion of ''Le Figaro'', a rightwing newspaper[[/note]], a French website created during the 2012 presidential campaign. And, last but not least, there's ''also'' the good old ''{{Website/Uncyclopedia}}'', which is to ''{{Website/Wikipedia}}'' what ''The Onion'' is to journalism. As of 2019 there also exists a ''VideoGame/{{Stellaris}}''[[/index]] version called ''Xenonion News'' created by fans of the game, similar to The Onion but set in a loosely connected Stellaris universe. |
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| 18 | The site can be found [[https://www.theonion.com here]]. |
| 19 | |
| 20 | ---- |
| 21 | !!Area Man Embodies And Parodies Tropes: |
| 22 | |
| 23 | [[foldercontrol]] |
| 24 | |
| 25 | [[folder:#-D]] |
| 26 | * AbortedArc: The [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mysterious-congressman-announces-dark-horse-candid,2141/ mysterious congressman's presidential campaign]] initially seemed like just another funny article, but it was then followed up by [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mysterious-congressman-challenges-leading-candidat,2245/ him challenging the other candidates to a debate at dawn]]. Since then, nothing. |
| 27 | * AfterTheEnd: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/person-who-will-one-day-become-warlordruler-of-wha,27406/ "Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital"]] claims that the USA will be a post-apocalyptic wasteland by the time a newly-born baby reaches adulthood. This one also has wild MoodWhiplash. |
| 28 | * AIIsACrapshoot: The Fact Zone was made fully automated at one point, which allowed it to develop sapience and [[{{Yandere}} an obsessive crush on Brooke Alvarez]]. |
| 29 | * TheAllegedCar: Jim Anchower's [[RunningGag perpetually]] abused [[ChronicallyCrashedCar Ford Festiva]]. |
| 30 | * AllGirlsWantBadBoys: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28748 Irrepressible Bad Boy Slays Seven]]". Parodied to the point where it crosses over into ScrewTheRulesImBeautiful. The bad boy in question is a sadistic, sociopathic mass murderer, yet the media still swoons over him because he's a handsome film star. |
| 31 | * AllIssuesArePoliticalIssues: In the article "[[https://www.theonion.com/exhausted-noam-chomsky-just-going-to-try-and-enjoy-the-1819571502 Exhausted Noam Chomsky Just Going To Try And Enjoy The Day For Once]]", Chomsky tries to have a day off, but everything reminds him of oppression. |
| 32 | -->Sources said Chomsky took what was supposed to be a refreshing drive in the countryside, only to find himself obsessing over the role petroleum plays in the economic and military policies that collude with multinational corporate powers.\ |
| 33 | After stopping at a roadside UsefulNotes/McDonalds, Chomsky was unable to enjoy the Big Mac he purchased, due to the popular restaurant chain's participation in selling "a bill of goods" to the American people, who consume the unhealthy fast food and thereby bolster the capitalist system rather than buying from local farmers in order to equalize the distribution of wealth and eat more nutritiously.\ |
| 34 | Chomsky also found the burger to be too salty. |
| 35 | * AlphaBitch: ''Fact Zone'' host Brooke Alvarez. She even [[https://www.theonion.com/factzone-viewer-has-sad-pathetic-life-1819594945 exposed the entire sad life of a viewer]] ''[[DisproportionateRetribution just]]'' for correcting a history segment. In a cameo appearance, Creator/RachelMaddow describes her as a "cheerleader cruel bitch type". |
| 36 | * AlternateHistory: A meta-example, in that the alternate history story is itself written in an alternate history universe (compare ''Literature/TheManInTheHighCastle'', one of the oldest AH novels, which uses a similar premise with the in-story story ''The Grasshopper Lies Heavy'') "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/alternateuniverse-scifi-channel-show-asks-what-wou,2846/ Alternate-Universe Sci-Fi Channel Show Asks What Would Happen If Germany Lost War]]". |
| 37 | * AnimalMetaphor: An article has an entire family attempting to use the family dog as a metaphor for their relationship difficulties -- the father for example saying that the dog feels confined and needs to run free, while the youngest child says the dog just wants some attention... |
| 38 | * AnimalWrongsGroup: [[https://www.theonion.com/heroic-peta-commandos-kill-49-save-rabbit-1819564245 "Heroic PETA Commandos Kill 49, Save Rabbit"]] involves PETA raiding a lab and killing scientists to save a rabbit. To make matters worse, [[ShootTheShaggyDog said rabbit gets eaten almost immediately after they free it]]. |
| 39 | * AntiquatedLinguistics: For [[https://www.theonion.com/mysterious-congressman-challenges-leading-candidates-to-1819569244 example]]: "Per the Mysterious Congressman's directive, the debate will held in one fortnight's time on the shores of the Tidal Basin at day's first light. It will be broadcast simultaneously by all network and cable-news channels." |
| 40 | * ApatheticStudent: PlayedForLaughs in "Patriotic Teen Fails Spanish", wherein a lazy student manages to rouse public support when he flunks his Spanish class so he can smoke cigarettes, which is misinterpreted by the right-wing lobby as a grand patriotic protest. The kid really is just obnoxious and stupid. |
| 41 | -->'''Kyle:''' I just basically thought Spanish sucked, what's the point? I'm American, I speak American! |
| 42 | * AppealToTradition: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnX-D4kkPOQ Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole?]]" has this as a major focus: the reporters focus only on the Money Hole's status as a long tradition and a part of American identity (with a side note of "[[SunkCostFallacy to stop now would be an insult to everyone]]"). |
| 43 | * AwfulWeddedLife: Jean Teasdale and her "Hubby Rick". Rick is an alcoholic who spends most of his free time at a bar, and her interactions with Jean mainly consist of him putting her down or making fun of her; Jean, meanwhile, got her ideas about marriage from Phyllis Diller's routines and Erma Bombeck's columns, and is oblivious to the fact that their very one-sided "war of the sexes" is anything but emotionally deadening, let alone cute. In [[https://local.theonion.com/you-jeanketeers-could-have-said-something-earlier-you-1819584528 one article]], she writes about her astonishment upon learning that, in theory, a marriage is supposed to be happy and harmonious. |
| 44 | * AxCrazy: A JerkJock [[http://www.theonion.com/video/potential-school-shooter-gunned-down-by-popular-jo-20877 shooting innocent students]] and [[http://www.theonion.com/article/portrait-of-a-hero-19136 having killed animals for fun and written a manifesto about him skinning a classmate and wearing it as a pelt]]. |
| 45 | * BaitAndSwitchComment: Several horoscopes are like this. |
| 46 | -->'''[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-september-25-2012,29686/ Gemini]]:''' You will uncover an ancient Aztec curse this Thursday, one frightened locals say translates to "[[PrecisionFStrike motherfucker]]." |
| 47 | * BatmanGrabsAGun: PlayedForLaughs as the principles which are broken in desperation are really silly to begin with: "[[https://www.theonion.com/libertarian-reluctantly-calls-fire-department-1819567309 Libertarian Reluctantly Calls Fire Department]]". |
| 48 | -->"Although the community would do better to rely on an efficient, free-market fire-fighting service, the fact is that expensive, unnecessary public fire departments do exist," Jacobs said. "Also, my house was burning down." |
| 49 | * BeYourself: {{Deconstructed|Trope}} in "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/local-man-ruins-date-by-just-being-himself-255 Local Man Ruins Date By Just Being Himself]]". |
| 50 | -->"I'm glad he felt comfortable being himself," said brother Chris Scanlon, 39. "But when you're in full-blown mid-30s-crisis mode with misogynist tendencies and a desperate, neurotic need for approval, maybe 'the real you' is not the best thing to put forward." |
| 51 | * BiggerThanJesus: Published an apology in their corrections section after purportedly making such a remark, consequently revealing {{inverted|Trope}} intentions: |
| 52 | -->We would like to apologize for stating last week that ''The Onion'' is "bigger than Jesus". What we meant to imply is that ''The Onion'' is more important and influential than Jesus, not that our newspaper is in any way physically larger than He was. We regret any confusion. |
| 53 | * BlackComedyRape: "[[http://web.archive.org/web/20120305211717/http://members.fortunecity.com/mtracey/christy.htm Black Bear Attacks, Rapes Zookeeper]]" is a subversion, as the article's clownish treatment of the horrific subject matter was itself the joke. |
| 54 | * BlackSheep: "[[https://local.theonion.com/everyone-in-family-claims-to-be-the-black-sheep-1819566525 Everyone In Family Claims To Be The Black Sheep]]". In the last quote, the siblings' mother reassures them that this isn't the case, before mentioning that she felt that way among her siblings. |
| 55 | * BlondeRepublicanSexKitten: Joad Cressbeckler is a twist on this trope. He's a parody of an old, xenophobic, curmudgeony conservative, but he frequently ends up taking liberal stances on things like [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-9G6SJVM3Y&list=PL533DA7D18F245211&index=6 gay rights]], [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6-pHb4LKT0 immigration]], and [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsBRfmErTEA&list=PL533DA7D18F245211&index=5 GMOs]], but for his own bizarre reasons. |
| 56 | * {{Blues}}: Exemplified in the recurring character of supposedly legendary Mississippi Delta guitar player Willie "Skipbone" Jackson, who [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/bluesman-announces-12bar-delay-in-bringing-it-on-h,952/ frequently engages in pointless]] EpicRocking, [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/blues-singers-woman-permitted-to-tell-her-side,472/ sings about how his woman does him wrong]], and [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/blues-musician-to-un-yemen-done-me-wrong,1083/ brings sanctions against Yemen]]. |
| 57 | * {{Bookends}}: The Onion opened UsefulNotes/BarackObama's presidency with "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/black-man-given-nations-worst-job-6439 Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job]]", and ended it with "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/black-man-out-work-55106 Black Man Out Of Work]]"; both articles treat the presidency as just another undesirable, unpleasant job. |
| 58 | * BrainFood: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38541 Zombie Nutritionist Recommends All-Brain Diet]]". |
| 59 | * BreadAndCircuses: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/48-syrian-civilians-massacred-during-claire-danes,29666/ "48 Syrian Civilians Massacred During Claire Danes' Emmy Award Acceptance Speech"]]: |
| 60 | -->At press time, government soldiers were throwing the bloodied corpses of the civilians into a large mass grave as Creator/LenaDunham was anxiously waiting to hear if ''Series/{{Girls}}'' would win the Emmy for Outstanding Comedy Series. |
| 61 | * BreadEggsMilkSquick: |
| 62 | ** An autistic reporter covering a [[http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-train-thankfully-unharmed-in-cra,20098/ train accident]] said that "Before the train came to a complete stop, it ran over three trash bags, a piece of gum, a Snickers wrapper, a man, and a glove." |
| 63 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mCktSlyETw Animator Misses The Birth Of His Child So Mr. Incredible Could Have Consistently Sized Penis Bulge]]": |
| 64 | --->"I hope when audiences go to see ''WesternAnimation/Incredibles2'' this summer, they admire all the technical details Pixar's animators put into these characters -- their hair, their eyelashes, the way their penises consistently rest up against their super-suits." |
| 65 | * BreakTheHaughty: "[[https://www.theonion.com/ask-the-dauphin-1819583935 Ask the Dauphin]]". While the Dauphin is an arrogant RoyalBrat with an incestuous crush on his sister for the responses to the first three letters, in the fourth, he's completely broken as a result of being thrown in jail, and he's shown pleading for news about his family and asking for a fire. |
| 66 | * {{Bulungi}}: |
| 67 | ** The TropeNamer on fictitious African countries originated in [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-ambassador-to-bulungi-suspected-of-making-count,790/ this article]]. |
| 68 | ** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3q_iqrvnC_4 "U.S. Shocked Andorra Not In Africa"]], where the U.S. State Department accidentally sends aid to the tiny European principality of Andorra after hearing their vaguely African-sounding name and just ''assuming'' they were a famine-stricken warzone. It turns out that the map they use has only five countries -- "Congo" (taking up most of the northern continent), "Mumbambu", "[[DarkestAfrica ???]]", "South Africa", and a Madagascar-like landmass named "[[IslandOfMystery Claw Island]]". |
| 69 | * CallBack: One article makes reference to an online voting system that allows millions of masturbators to take part in the voting process. Two days later, the article "Nonvoter Knew It Would Turn Out This Way" ends with the nonvoter admitting he might start voting if the online voting for masturbators was up by 2012. |
| 70 | * TheCameo: [[http://www.theonion.com/video/psa-ben-stiller-speaks-out-against-shaken-manchild,19732/ Ben Stiller]], [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjmW_20-iYA Rachel Maddow]], and Mike Huckabee were all on the TV show. The last two were on the same episode. |
| 71 | * CaptainSpaceDefenderOfEarth: Crash Comet, Space Commander from the Year 2000, the recurring enemy of EvilOverlord columnist [[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/gorzo-the-mighty,1026/ Gorzo the Mighty]]. |
| 72 | * TheCasanova: Recurring columnist Smoove B is basically a sexy R&B song personified. His columns detail the art of seduction and his various sexual encounters past and planned. |
| 73 | * ClickbaitGag: The article "[[https://www.theonion.com/how-internet-clickbait-works-1819594005 How Internet Clickbait Works]]" describes the process of creating sensationalist content in nine steps, starting with nine days where the brain prepares to have an immediate reaction to "Check this out!" and ending with money mysteriously being earned. |
| 74 | * ClusterFBomb: |
| 75 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/fuck-everything-were-doing-five-blades-1819584036 Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades]]", a profanity-laced faux editorial in which Gillette's then-CEO "announced" that the company would introduce a five-blade razor. |
| 76 | ** The [[https://www.theonion.com/i-fucked-my-way-into-this-mess-and-ill-fuck-my-way-out-1819584315 I Fucked My Way Into This Mess, And I'll Fuck My Way Out]] article with both the title and content consists of 587 words, and of those words, 81 of them include an instance of "fuck", with a few ([[SincerityMode really]], there's way less of those than fuck) other obscenities in the article as well. The article is appropriately capped off with the final sentence just being "Fuck." |
| 77 | ** ''Literature/OurDumbCentury'' has a story about one of FDR's fireside chats being a "long string of cuss words." Basically, "My fellow Americans..." were the only words out of his mouth that ''weren't'' an obscenity of some sort. |
| 78 | * ComicallyMissingThePoint: Uses this humor a LOT, especially their ''[[https://www.youtube.com/show/todaynow Today Now!]]'' and ''[[https://www.youtube.com/show/intheknow In The Know]]'' segments. One example is "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D04wb7P_v-4 Autistic Reporter, Michael Falk, Enchanted By Prison's Rigid Routine]]," especially when Falk gets distracted by the time the prisoner, Brian Wasserman, talked about how he had to stack crates, and mostly stops listening to Falk. |
| 79 | -->'''Falk:''' Why do you want to get out of here?\ |
| 80 | '''Wasserman:''' For my family.\ |
| 81 | '''Falk:''' Can you stack your family?\ |
| 82 | '''Wasserman:''' ...[[FlatWhat What]]?\ |
| 83 | '''Falk:''' I want to be in prison.\ |
| 84 | '''Wasserman:''' No, you don't. |
| 85 | * ContinuityCreep: The show on IFC had some recurring stories, such as the one involving time travelers trying to kill Suri Cruise and the FDA official yelling for everyone to start eating healthier. |
| 86 | * ContinuityNod: |
| 87 | ** Joad Cressbeckler, first introduced as an "even more grizzled and ornery" alternative to John [=McCain=] during the "War For The White House", now has his own series (''The Cressbeckler Stance'') parodying FOX News' primetime commentary shows. |
| 88 | ** Several stories about an "Area Man" visiting restaurants are about the same man (Don Turnbee of Erie, PA) with the same photo model. |
| 89 | ** Another couple of stories are about a veterinary assistant with some [[http://www.theonion.com/article/area-woman-will-see-any-movie-that-takes-place-bet-6276 odd]] [[http://www.theonion.com/article/area-woman-will-eat-anything-with-tuscan-in-name-6604 quirks]]; more recently, the same idiot showed up in two stories- [[http://www.theonion.com/article/man-who-eats-breakfast-at-dunkin-donuts-every-morn-30259 the first one]] essentially said "this idiot shouldn't be allowed to vote", while [[http://www.theonion.com/article/im-trump-all-way-says-man-who-will-die-mishandling-52449 the second one]] takes a [[TakeThat potshot]] at Creator/DonaldTrump's supporters. |
| 90 | ** One occurred in the same issue; a Jim Anchower column [[http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/im-totally-dating-a-black-chick-16653 has him helping a driver who then gives him her number]], at which point presumably an ex of her's calls him up. It's implied to be fellow columnist Smoove B, and [[http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/girl-that-man-aint-right-for-you-16652 this column]] has his side of the story (he doesn't say Anchower's name, but the appearance is a dead giveaway). |
| 91 | ** While [[http://www.theonion.com/infographic/fact-checking-third-presidential-debate-54475 fact checking the third presidential debate]], they claim to have already fact-checked Donald Trump's quote about the NAFTA. Indeed, they previously had, while [[http://www.theonion.com/infographic/fact-checking-first-presidential-debate-54037 fact checking the first debate]]. |
| 92 | ** In The Onion's [[http://www.theonion.com/election-2016/glossary/ Election Glossary]], 8 of the definitions are lifted straight from ''Literature/TheOnionBookOfKnownKnowledge''. |
| 93 | * ConvictionByContradiction: "[[https://www.theonion.com/idaville-detective-encyclopedia-brown-found-dead-in-lib-1819567098 Idaville Detective 'Encyclopedia' Brown Found Dead In Library Dumpster]]", parodying [[Literature/EncyclopediaBrown the eponymous series]] by depicting Brown as having still solved minor cases this way well into middle age, and being praised by Police Commissioner Bugs Meany for his "arrest-to-conviction-due-to-obscure-trivia rate". [[spoiler:Near the end of the article, Bugs, facing allegations of corruption and possible involvement in Brown's death, casually mentions that he was "at the North Pole watching penguins" at the time of the murder.]] |
| 94 | * CoolOldGuy: Joe Biden was [[https://politics.theonion.com/biden-forges-president-s-signature-on-executive-order-t-1819579451 written as this for a while]]. After his Presidential run started kicking into gear and the media and supporters of his opponents became more critical of him, the tone of the articles started writing him as [[https://politics.theonion.com/biden-campaign-concerned-after-candidate-gives-unsolici-1837895384 more of a]] DirtyOldMan currently [[https://politics.theonion.com/help-help-who-am-i-where-am-i-who-are-you-people-1837845373 grappling with senility.]] |
| 95 | * CrapsackWorld: |
| 96 | ** The world as a whole. ''In The Know''[='s=] world has ghouls, robot overlords, baby skulls as jewelry... RuleOfFunny produces some hilariously-horrific things. |
| 97 | ** Alluded to in the article "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/this-what-world-like-now,32068/ This What World Like Now]]", following the Boston Marathon blast in April 2013. The last line says it all: |
| 98 | --->"[[PrecisionFStrike I guess the world's a pretty fucked-up place, huh?]]" |
| 99 | * CrossoverCosmology: [[http://www.theonion.com/article/pope-francis-hosts-feathered-serpent-god-part-deit-53917 Pope Francis Hosts Feathered Serpent God As Part Of Deity Exchange Program]]. Kukulkan, the Mayan feathered serpent god spends this month in UsefulNotes/VaticanCity, while the next month the Abrahamic God stays with the Taoist thunder god Lei Gong in [[TheShangriLa the cloud kingdom over Tibet]]. |
| 100 | * DagwoodSandwich: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-american-people-lead-world-in-compressing-b,34496/ Report: American People Lead World In Compressing Big Sandwiches So They're Bitable]]". |
| 101 | * TheDanza: InUniverse, Tracy Toth, aka ''Today Now''[='s=] Tracy Gill. |
| 102 | * DarkerAndEdgier: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/taylor-swift-unveils-even-darker-persona-new-singl-56826 Taylor Swift Unveils Even Darker Persona With New Single 'Skullfucking Maggot Shit Boyfriend']]". |
| 103 | * ADayInTheLimelight: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/in-the-know-is-pundit-duncan-birch-a-worthless-idi,18591/ Is Pundit Duncan Birch A Worthless Idiot?]]" |
| 104 | * DeadAllAlong: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/alarming-mri-shows-peyton-manning-has-been-dead-fo,34555/ Alarming MRI Shows Peyton Manning Has Been Dead For Past 6 Months]]". |
| 105 | * DeadlineNews: Implied in "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/no-no-dear-god-no-mumbles-powerball-presenter-afte-56748 'No, No, Dear God No,' Mumbles Powerball Presenter After Drawing Pitch-Black Ball]]". |
| 106 | * DecemberDecemberRomance: "[[https://politics.theonion.com/ruth-bader-ginsburg-flirting-with-67-year-old-intern-ag-1842129352 Ruth Bader Ginsburg Flirting With 67-Year-Old Intern Again]]". |
| 107 | * {{Deconstruction}}: |
| 108 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ultra_realistic_modern_warfare Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Game Features Awaiting Orders, Repairing Trucks]]". |
| 109 | ** Several articles are deconstructions, often by having something frequently portrayed in media happen to real people and showing what it would really be like, such as "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/romanticcomedy-behavior-gets-reallife-man-arrested,757/ Romantic-Comedy Behavior Gets Real-Life Man Arrested]]". |
| 110 | * TheDeepSouth: Repeatedly. |
| 111 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/radio_news/supreme_court_rules Supreme Court Rules Tennesseans are Sentient Beings]]". |
| 112 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28559 South Postpones Rising Again For Yet Another Year]]". |
| 113 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-visits-southcarolinaravaged-south-carolina,26114/ Obama Visits South-Carolina-Ravaged South Carolina]]." |
| 114 | * ADegreeInUseless: |
| 115 | ** Inverted in "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwlAik0HyyE Company Immediately Calls Job Applicant Upon Seeing 'B.A. In Communications' On Résumé]]" |
| 116 | ** Played straight in "[[https://www.theonion.com/juilliard-opens-business-school-for-students-who-realiz-1847423020 Juilliard Opens Business School For Students Who Realize Acting Thing Probably A Long Shot]]". |
| 117 | * DeliberatelyBadExample: "[[https://www.theonion.com/developmentally-disabled-burger-king-employee-only-comp-1819565891 Developmentally Disabled Burger King Employee Only Competent Worker]]" has the developmentally disabled employee shine because all his coworkers are too lazy to do their jobs properly. |
| 118 | * DeliberateValuesDissonance "[[https://www.theonion.com/woman-in-burqa-condemns-woman-in-chador-1819566274 Woman In Burqa Condemns Woman In Chador]]." Not only does the woman in the burqa have values that would seem astonishingly sexist from a Western perspective, but so does the woman in the chador, despite the former woman despising her for being subversive. |
| 119 | -->"I am proud to be a modern woman," Asaad said. "I believe that women should be allowed to attend the university, so long as the school provides a separate area for women to sit in and they do not speak to the instructor before being spoken to. I even think it is acceptable for a young woman to ride a bicycle, provided she is out in the country where no man can view it. This is the 21st century, after all." |
| 120 | * DemotedToExtra: The regular columnists have slowly disappeared and/or dwindled in appearances since the late 2000s -- Herbert Kornfeld was KilledOffForReal (and possibly Gorzo the Mighty as well), while Jim Anchower was [[PutOnABusToHell last heard from in 2012, being taken to prison]]. The other regulars (including Jean Teasdale, Dept. Head Rawlings, Smoove B, Roger Dudek, Jackie Harvey, Amber Richardson, Larry Groznic, and T. Herman Zweibel) continue to make sporadic appearances. (Harvey had previously replaced [[RamblingOldManMonologue Arch Danielson]] way back in 1998.) |
| 121 | * DespairEventHorizon: |
| 122 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuck-everything-nation-reports,30743/ Fuck Everything, Nation Reports]]", after the Sandy Hook shooting. |
| 123 | ** "[[https://local.theonion.com/man-who-thought-hed-lost-all-hope-loses-last-additional-1819565674 Man Who Thought He'd Lost All Hope Loses Last Additional Bit of Hope He Didn't Know He Still Had]]". |
| 124 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-36131 'No Way To Prevent This,' Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens]]", after the Isla Vista shooting [[OverlyLongGag and many since]]. It states that Americans treat mass shootings as an inevitability, and that they feel helpless against them. |
| 125 | *** Twice in a row (timestamped 10:33 AM and 10:42 AM 8/4/19) in response to the back-to-back shootings in El Paso and Dayton. |
| 126 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/report-make-it-stop-1822874962 Report: Make It Stop]]", occasionally reposted much like the "No Way To Prevent This" article in response to particularly agonizing and bizarre news days. The variant linked for example shows images of Creator/LoganPaul, Tide pods, an Alexa speaker, and Donald Trump. |
| 127 | * {{Determinator}}: |
| 128 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-onion-vows-to-carry-on-irans-nuclear-weapons-p,34682/ 'The Onion' Vows To Carry On Iran's Nuclear Weapons Program Until The Job Is Done]]". |
| 129 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/badly-injured-man-not-done-partying-yet,2437/ Badly Injured Man Not Done Partying Yet]]". |
| 130 | ** [[https://politics.theonion.com/presidential-limo-guns-it-around-corner-in-attempt-to-t-1820087538 "Presidential Limo Guns It Around Corner In Attempt to Toss Robert Mueller from Roof"]]. |
| 131 | * DevelopmentHell: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/script-has-been-floating-around-hollywood-for-75-y,18172/?utm_source=recentnews Script Has Been Floating Around Hollywood For 75 Years]]". |
| 132 | * DidYouDie: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/candidate-may-have-lied-about-heroic-death-in-viet,17600/ Candidate May Have Lied About Heroic Death In Vietnam]]". |
| 133 | * DinnerOrderFlub: In ''Our Dumb World'''s entry on Burkina Faso, there's a joke about the very low literacy rate of that country when one of their diplomats tries to order a notice that an extra gratuity may be charged for large groups. |
| 134 | * DirectToVideo: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/land-before-time-vi-released-straight-to-landfill,3766/ Land Before Time VI Released Straight To Landfill]]". |
| 135 | * DirtyCoward: "[[https://www.theonion.com/entire-u-s-police-force-flees-country-after-hearing-gu-1848981784 Entire U.S. Police Force Flees Country After Hearing Gunman Inside Nation]]". |
| 136 | %%* DirtyOldMan: Almost every article about Joe Biden portrays him this way. |
| 137 | * DiscriminateAndSwitch: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-wont-have-my-daughter-bringing-a-black-man-into,17246/ I Won't Have My Daughter Bringing A Black Man Into This House Until I've Tidied Up And Created A Welcoming Environment]]". |
| 138 | %%* DisposableSexWorker: Parodied in "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4kwk5jV2nU Children Exposed To Porn May Expect Sex To Be Enjoyable]]". |
| 139 | * DisproportionateRetribution: |
| 140 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDWo6m5hbG4&feature=channel Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar]]". |
| 141 | ** In "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=no0e-mkhhbs Gaffe-Prone Biden Embarrasses Nation Yet Again By Sneezing During Meeting]]", the ''In the Know'' panelists harshly criticize Joe Biden for things like sneezing, tying his shoes and blinking. By the end, they're preparing to lynch him. |
| 142 | * DistancedFromCurrentEvents: |
| 143 | ** InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27638 'Beltway Sniper' Video-Game Release Delayed Out Of Respect For Victims]]". |
| 144 | ** In a RealLife version, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29298 Columbine Jocks Safely Resume Bullying]]" wasn't printed in the UsefulNotes/{{Denver}} edition. |
| 145 | ** [[invoked]]"[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-still-hasnt-been-long-enough-to-open-restau,32035/ Report: Still Hasn't Been Long Enough To Open Restaurant Called Bin Laden's]]". |
| 146 | * DistractedByTheSexy: |
| 147 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/poll-finds-majority-of-male-voters-would-have-elec,18436/ Poll Finds Majority Of Male Voters Would Have Elected Naked Woman]]". ({{NSFW}}). |
| 148 | ** In "[[https://www.theonion.com/recent-rise-in-international-disputes-traced-back-to-cu-1819570908 Recent Rise In International Disputes Traced Back To Cute U.N. Tour Guide]]", many international delegates were too smitten for an attractive tour guide to do their jobs properly. PlayedForHorror in that these international delegates' failure to do their jobs have [[UnwittingInstigatorOfDoom inadvertently]] led to or contributed to political conflicts and humanitarian crises. |
| 149 | --->"The North Korean representative was so busy staring at her that he just nodded in agreement when the council condemned his nation's weapons program and voted to freeze its assets," Eritrean diplomat Berihu Alazar said. "Then the guys from South Korea and Japan started razzing him about it, trying to look cool in front of her. He turned bright red all of a sudden and threatened to wipe everybody off the face of the earth." |
| 150 | * DivineParentage: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/michael-phelps-spots-estranged-father-poseidon-sta-53494 Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands]]." |
| 151 | * DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: |
| 152 | ** Constantly; one is "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bush_refuses_to_set_timetable_for Bush Refuses To Set Timetable For Withdrawal Of Head From White House Banister]]". |
| 153 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/gorilla-sales-skyrocket-after-latest-gorilla-attac,30860/ Gorilla Sales Skyrocket After Latest Gorilla Attack]]". |
| 154 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/hillary-clinton-quietly-asks-bill-if-he-still-find,34468/ Hillary Clinton Quietly Asks Bill If He Still Finds Her Electable]]" is full of this too. |
| 155 | --->"I just want to know if you still consider me appealing," she continued, "particularly to blacks, Hispanics, and women between 30 and 44." |
| 156 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/creditors-repossess-new-england-from-debtridden-us,733/ Creditors Repossess New England From Debt-Ridden U.S.]]" |
| 157 | ** "[[Film/AClockworkOrange Alex DeLarge]] [[https://www.theonion.com/alex-delarge-forced-to-step-down-as-leader-of-droogs-am-1820854092?utm_medium=sharefromsite&utm_source=The_Onion_facebook Forced To Step Down As Leader Of Droogs Amidst Allegations Of Sexual Misconduct]]". |
| 158 | * DontGoIntoTheWoods: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/report-leading-cause-death-still-venturing-beyond--52615 Report: Leading Cause Of Death Still Venturing Beyond The Pines]]". Disregarding this trope and venturing into the forest -- whether by losing your way on a foggy night, [[GenreBlind looking for a shortcut despite repeated warnings not to]], or just waking up in the middle of the night and heading straight for the forest -- turns out to be the leading cause of death among Americans. |
| 159 | -->The report, which analyzed the nation's mortality data from the past decade, found that wandering past the tree line and entering the shadowy depths that lie therein results in approximately 650,000 deaths each year. |
| 160 | * DoorStopper: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27769 Girlfriend Stops Reading David Foster Wallace Breakup Letter At Page 20]]". |
| 161 | * DoubleBlindWhatIf: Parodied in "[[https://www.theonion.com/alternate-universe-sci-fi-channel-show-asks-what-would-1819571127 Alternate Universe Sci-Fi Channel Show Asks What Would Happen If Germany Lost War]]". |
| 162 | * DownerEnding: See MoodWhiplash examples below, as well as [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-world-now-down-to-5-stories-that-are-inspir,31303 "World Now Down To 5 Stories That Are Inspirational"]], which followed on from the RealLife arrest of double-amputee Olympic runner Oscar Pistorius for murder. Even the article has a downer ending when the number is reduced to four (a father heroically battling cancer turned out to be having an affair with an underage girl). |
| 163 | * DraggedOffToHell: "[[https://sports.theonion.com/giant-demonic-hand-bursts-out-of-ground-drags-bill-bel-1832310427 Giant Demonic Hand Bursts Out Of Ground, Drags Bill Belichick Back To Hell]]," right in the middle of Super Bowl LIII too. |
| 164 | * DrivesLikeCrazy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/general-motors-introduces-new-instantwin-airbags,1103/ General Motors Introduces New Instant-Win Airbags]]". |
| 165 | * DrosteImage: "[[https://local.theonion.com/area-article-nauseous-from-constant-scrolling-1819661073 Area Article Nauseous From Constant Scrolling]]" features the titular article as the picture. |
| 166 | * DudeNotFunny: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/circus-train-wreck-not-funny-investigators-emphasi,21252/ Circus Train Wreck Not Funny, Investigators Emphasize]]". |
| 167 | -->According to officials, at least 13 circus performers have died, with dozens more suffering severe burns as a fire spread through the mile long train, eventually igniting a fuse that launched a human cannonball 200 feet above the devastating and not-at-all amusing scene.\ |
| 168 | Other straight-faced sources confirmed none of the accident's sights and sounds were even remotely entertaining, from the spectacular fireworks launching every few minutes to the whimsical strains of carnival music echoing endlessly through the night as a result of smoke billowing through a steam calliope. |
| 169 | * DumbIsGood: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28779 Developmentally Disabled Burger King Employee Only Competent Worker]]". |
| 170 | * DrivenToSuicide: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/bully-cant-believe-classmate-took-4-straight-years-38394 Bully Can't Believe Classmate Took 4 Years Of Being Told To Kill Herself Seriously]]", and "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/gay-conversion-therapists-claim-most-patients-full-38406 Gay Conversion Therapists Claim Most Patients Fully Straight By The Time They Commit Suicide]]". |
| 171 | * DysfunctionalFamily: Pretty much the whole point of Jean Teasdale's regular column, and strongly implied in Roger Dudek's, whose wife has grown to hate him and his jovial, neglectful stupidity ever since their third child was stillborn. |
| 172 | [[/folder]] |
| 173 | |
| 174 | [[folder:E-H]] |
| 175 | * {{Eagleland}}: |
| 176 | ** Both types at once, in "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/american-public-actually-kind-of-endearing-in-some,18277/ American Public Actually Kind Of Endearing In Some Ways]]". |
| 177 | ** Type 2: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7c_OMWp21g Has Obama Failed To Reduce Hostility Toward Obnoxious Americans Abroad?]]" |
| 178 | * EarlyBirdCameo: In "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/biden-criticized-for-appearing-in-hennessy-ads,14392/ Biden Criticized For Appearing In Hennessy ads]]", a spokesperson for Hennessy was seen on ''Fact Zone'', which is where the show on IFC would take place about a year after the video was released. The show would occasionally be mentioned on the news ticker on some other videos. |
| 179 | * EldritchAbomination: |
| 180 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/after-obama-victory-shrieking-whitehot-sphere-of-p,30284/ After Obama Victory, Shrieking White-Hot Sphere Of Pure Rage Early GOP Front-Runner For 2016]]". |
| 181 | ** This has been a RunningGag about [[https://www.theonion.com/royal-baby-born-1819575291 the baby born to Prince William and Kate Middleton]]. |
| 182 | ** And, of course, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vo1IwmaUz90 God]]. It's actually quite a good example of what an EldritchAbomination might look like (we're probably not seeing its full incomprehensibility, doubtful a human-built camera can pick that up) and do to someone if it decides to directly show itself. Assuming, of course, that isn't just a tiny EXTENSION of the divine being. |
| 183 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/swiss-guard-charge-writhing-mass-black-tentacles-d-53184 Swiss Guard Charge Writhing Mass Of Black Tentacles Devouring Pope Francis]]". |
| 184 | ** The Director of [[http://www.theonion.com/live/theseus-protocol-55948/entry/329 the Theseus Protocol]] apparently causes the temperature to drop 25 degrees just by being present, may be able to cause storms at will, and when people make eye contact with them, he causes "a sudden veil of blackness to descend upon them paralyzing their bodies and causing them to collapse to the floor in a fit of wide-eyed tremoring." He also appears to lead an army from another dimension, and wants to destroy this physical universe to birth a powerful god known as the "Many-Instanced One." |
| 185 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/world-eating-leviathan-awoken-from-500-million-year-slu-1827928509 World-Eating Leviathan Awoken From 500-Million-Year Slumber In Martian Underground Lake After Feeling Sonar Disturbance]]". |
| 186 | * EpicFail: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cCLJieV9IY O-SPAN Classic: CIA Accidentally Overthrows Costa Rica]]". |
| 187 | * EpicRocking: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/carrie-underwood-releases-complex-multipart-prog-r,33847/ Carrie Underwood Releases Complex, Multi-Part Prog Rock Inspired 'Sunday Night Football' Theme Song.]]" |
| 188 | * EskimosArentReal: |
| 189 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/i-sometimes-wish-lawyers-existed-outside-fantastic-56179 I Sometimes Wish Lawyers Existed Outside The Fantastical World Of My Novels]]". |
| 190 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/bizarre-sci-fi-novel-posits-world-where-natives-inhabit-1819575911 Bizarre Sci-Fi Novel Posits World Where Natives Inhabited America Before Europeans]]". |
| 191 | * EvenEvilHasStandards: |
| 192 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/jerry-sandusky-horrified-by-behavior-of-rutgers-ba,31926/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-post:headline:default Jerry Sandusky Horrified By Behavior of Rutgers Basketball Coach]]". |
| 193 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/kim-jongun-comes-out-in-support-of-gay-marriage-im,31821/ Kim Jong-Un Comes Out In Support Of Gay Marriage]]": |
| 194 | --->"I'm not a monster," Says North Korean Dictator |
| 195 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/satan-refuses-to-accept-any-more-catholic-priests-in-he-1828696347 Satan Refuses To Accept Any More Catholic Priests In Hell]]". |
| 196 | ** The titular cartoonist of ''Kelly Comics'' has just about every detestable right-wing view you can think of, but even he is against people who publicly display the Confederate flag. He's also pro-choice, if only because he doesn't want to pay child support. |
| 197 | * EverybodyHasLotsOfSex: |
| 198 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/byu-students-protest-brandon-davies-dismissal-by-h,19679/ BYU Students Protest Brandon Davies' Dismissal By Having Sex All Over Campus]]". |
| 199 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/olympic-village-tour-see-where-the-athletes-live-t,35266/ Olympic Village Tour: See Where The Athletes Live, Train And Fuck Each Other's Brains Out]]" ({{NSFW}}). |
| 200 | * EverythingIsBigInTexas: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/texas_constructs_u_s_border_wall?utm_source=a-section Texas Constructs U.S. Border Wall To Keep Out Unwanted Americans]]". |
| 201 | * EverythingsDeaderWithZombies: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SoCQO90-0zQ Zombie Reagan Raised From Grave To Lead GOP]]", among many others. |
| 202 | * EvilDetectingDog: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31229 Family Dog Barking At Evil]]". |
| 203 | * EvilInc: "[[https://www.theonion.com/feds-bust-massive-child-pornography-corporation-1819576431 Feds Bust Massive Child Pornography Corporation]]". |
| 204 | %%* EvilOldFolks: T. Herman Zweibel, born in ''1868'' and the editor of ''The Onion'' since 1888, is the epitome of this trope. %%ZCE |
| 205 | * EvilOnlyHasToWinOnce: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ussr-wins-space-race-as-us-shuts-down-shuttle-prog,21007/ USSR Wins Space Race As U.S. Shuts Down Shuttle Program]]". |
| 206 | * EvilOverlord: [[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/gorzo-the-mighty,1026/ Gorzo the Mighty]], Emperor of the Universe since the 1930s. |
| 207 | * EvilPowerVacuum: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/secondmost-popular-kid-in-school-assumes-power-fol,18088/ Second-Most Popular Kid In School Assumes Power Following Death Of Star Quarterback]]". |
| 208 | * EvilStoleMyFaith: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/eons-of-darwinian-evolution-somehow-produce-mitch,17635/ One article]] had a StrawLoser whose very existence was an affront to both the theory of evolution (what purpose can this guy possibly serve?!) ''and'' the existence of a kind and loving god (If we're made in God's image, well...), with each side parading him around as the ultimate argument against the other. |
| 209 | * ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin: [[http://www.theonion.com/slideshow/74-normal-photos-and-2-kinda-weird-ones-32244 74 normal photos and two kinda weird ones]] is a collection of 74 normal photos and two kinda weird ones offered without comment. |
| 210 | * ExaggeratedTrope: Many of the articles get their humor from taking a regular trope and cranking it up full blast. |
| 211 | * ExecutiveMeddling: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/network-executive-cancels-show-after-ruining-it-in,3334/ Network Executive Cancels Show After Ruining It In Development]]". |
| 212 | * ExistentialHorror: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJkWS4t4l0k Scientists Teach Gorilla it Will Die Someday]]", as well as "[[https://local.theonion.com/existentialist-firefighter-delays-3-deaths-1819571551 Existentialist Firefighter Delays 3 Deaths]]". And those are just the really obvious ones. |
| 213 | * ExplodingBarrels: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/video-game-henchmen-plan-meetup-around-explosive-b-52778 Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels]]". |
| 214 | * ExponentialPlotDelay: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zgb8N-5py0& Final Minutes Of Last Harry Potter Movie To Be Split Into Seven Separate Films]]". |
| 215 | * TheExtremistWasRight: Some articles, such as "[[https://entertainment.theonion.com/harry-potter-books-spark-rise-in-satanism-among-childre-1819565664 Harry Potter Books Spark Rise In Satanism Among Children]]", essentially portray some paranoid conspiracy theorists as being right. |
| 216 | * EyeScream: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/report-it-miracle-nothing-has-punctured-your-eye-y-57027 Report: It A Miracle Nothing Has Punctured Your Eye Yet]]". |
| 217 | * FaceHeelTurn: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/lance-armstrong-debuts-evil-fantaunting-persona-ki,30963/ Lance Armstrong Admits Drug Use, Plans Return To Cycling As Flamboyant, Fan-Hating Villain]]". |
| 218 | * FagHag: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/gay_man_unattractive_woman_form Gay Man, Unattractive Woman Form Tight Bond]]". |
| 219 | * FamousForBeingFirst: The video "[[https://youtu.be/iEtw3XJoJrE First Female Dictator Hailed As Step Forward For Women]]" is a fictional news report which parodies this trope for dark satire. The titular female dictator is Amivi Gama, a ruthless revolutionary who has made herself the President of UsefulNotes/EastTimor. She leads a brutal ReignOfTerror to crack down on all dissent, with everyone in the video (even her own victims) being impressed that a woman can prove to be just as much of a cruel tyrant as any man can be. This obviously satirizes the concept that achievements made by the "first" woman in any given field are necessarily positive, even if that field is inherently evil (like being a mass-murdering dictator, terrorist, or war criminal). |
| 220 | * FanDumb: InUniverse. |
| 221 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/jon-hamm-to-overenthusiastic-fan-youre-ruining-me,19443/ Jon Hamm To Overenthusiastic Fan: 'You're Ruining Me For Everyone']]". |
| 222 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-dont-they-make-a-second-godfather-movie,11434/ Why Don't They Make A Second 'Godfather' Movie?]]". |
| 223 | * FantasticDrug: Gaseous Planets serve as this in "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/god-completely-fucked-after-huffing-gaseous-planet-55896?utm_medium=RSS&utm_campaign=feeds God Completely Fucked Up After Huffing Gaseous Planet]]". |
| 224 | * FantasySequence: |
| 225 | ** "[[https://local.theonion.com/twelve-customers-gunned-down-in-convenience-store-clerk-1819565650 Twelve Customers Gunned Down In Convenience-Store Clerk's Imagination]]". |
| 226 | ** "[[https://local.theonion.com/kidnapped-boy-found-safe-imagines-kidnapped-boy-1819570345 Kidnapped Boy Found Safe, Imagines Kidnapped Boy]]". |
| 227 | * FatBastard: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/american-obesity-epidemic-traced-to-single-heavyse,35640/ Jeremiah Alden, the fattest man on the Mayflower and possible culprit of genetic obesity in America]]. Although his demeanor is noted as being "[[BigFun joyous and agreeable]]" by the other settlers, his laziness and great appetite meant that he tended to do nothing but sit around all day and eat all of the colony's supplies, which led to half of the Puritans starving to death that winter. |
| 228 | * FauxAffablyEvil: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/so-whats-it-going-to-be,33662/ "So, What's It Going To Be?"]] by Bashar al-Assad is written in such a tone. |
| 229 | * FelonyMisdemeanor: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1FuGpGlRFw USDA Official Takes Brave Stand Against Interstate Potato Pricing]]". |
| 230 | * FemaleMisogynist: "[[https://www.theonion.com/woman-in-burqa-condemns-woman-in-chador-1819566274 Woman In Burqa Condemns Woman In Chador]]" has Uliya Salah, who despises Raheela Asaad for not conforming to the Taliban's sexist rules as much as she does. |
| 231 | * FerrisWheelOfDoom: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-40000-people-died-on-ferris-wheels-this-sum,26414/ Report: 40,000 People Died On Ferris Wheels This Summer]]". |
| 232 | * FetusTerrible: Kate Middleton's baby looks to be one in such articles as "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/cut-this-monster-out-of-me,30602/ Kate Middleton: Cut This Monster Out of Me]]" and "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-family-releases-kate-middleton-ultrasound-im,30613/ Royal Family Releases Kate Middleton Ultrasound Image]]". |
| 233 | * {{Filler}}: [[http://www.theonion.com/article/new-census-study-finds-that-40-of-us-population-is-37249 New Census Study Finds That 40% Of U.S. Population Is Filler]]. |
| 234 | * FinishingMove: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nhl-to-allow-finishing-moves-in-fights-this-season,18189/ NHL To Allow Finishing Moves In Fights This Season]]", with an obligatory ShoutOut to ''Franchise/MortalKombat''. |
| 235 | * FiremenAreHot: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrsLMcJn_cA Incredibly Sexy Firefighter Tragically Dies In Steamy Blaze]]". |
| 236 | * FiringInTheAirALot: "[[https://www.theonion.com/iraq-kentucky-vie-for-world-shooting-into-the-air-supr-1819566747 Iraq, Kentucky Vie For World Shooting-Into-The-Air Supremacy]]". |
| 237 | * FirstContactMath: "[[https://www.theonion.com/earth-contacted-by-extraterrestrial-nerds-1819563984 Earth Contacted By Extraterrestrial Nerds]]". |
| 238 | * FirstRuleOfTheYard: "[[https://local.theonion.com/biggest-guy-in-prison-tired-of-every-new-inmate-beating-1827063562 Biggest Guy In Prison Tired Of Every New Inmate Beating Shit Out Of Him On Their First Day]]". |
| 239 | * FishOutOfTemporalWater: |
| 240 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/roman-centurion-crawling-out-of-new-york-city-manh,35809/ Roman Centurion Crawling Out Of New York City Manhole In For One Wacky Adventure]]". |
| 241 | ** Founder and editor of ''The Onion'' T. Herman Zweibel far surpasses a DiscoDan, being positively ancient (over 140 years old) and sheltered from modern life for a century by his severe decrepitude and distaste for his fellow man. He seems dimly aware of what's going on in the world, but for the most part, he approaches everything with the zealous tyranny of a Gilded Age robber baron -- when he learns of the death of print and the new tycoons of social media, his first instinct is to have Zuckerberg and Musk killed. |
| 242 | * FiveTokenBand: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39035 Graphic Artist Carefully Assigns Ethnicities To Anthropomorphic Recyclables]]". |
| 243 | * FlockOfWolves: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27823 Klan Rally 70 Percent Undercover Reporters]]". |
| 244 | * FluffyCloudHeaven: The tendency of many editorial cartoonists to draw bland "tributes" with dead celebrities at the Pearly Gates is mocked in Kelly's panels, which often depict famous people that he hates for some reason suffering in FireAndBrimstoneHell. |
| 245 | * FlyoverCountry: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/indianapolis-announces-really-embarrassing-bid-for,26149/ Indianapolis Announces Really Embarrassing Bid For 2020 Summer Olympics]]". |
| 246 | * FoeRomanceSubtext: |
| 247 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27830 Sexual Tension Between Arafat, Sharon Reaches Breaking Point]]". |
| 248 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/massachusetts-supreme-court-orders-all-citizens-to,1135/ Massachusetts Supreme Court Orders All Citizens To Gay Marry]]". |
| 249 | * {{Foil}}: Liked to portray former Speaker of the House Paul Ryan as this to Vice President Joe Biden. Biden was a wild, laid-back hard-living CoolOldGuy who loves dealing pot and listening to rock n' roll; Ryan is an intense young health nut and fitness junkie who doesn't tolerate any distractions from his workout regimen. |
| 250 | * FoodPorn: |
| 251 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/report-oh-fuck-yeah-egg-yolk-dripping-all-over-san-55558 Report: Oh, Fuck Yeah, Egg Yolk Dripping All Over Sandwich]]". |
| 252 | ** Treated as literal porn in [[https://local.theonion.com/masturbating-mom-can-t-get-bobby-flay-southwestern-eggs-1825173342 "Masturbating Mom Can't Get Bobby Flay Southwestern Eggs Demo To Stop Buffering"]]. |
| 253 | %%* TheFool: UsefulNotes/JohnKerry being portrayed as this is a RunningGag. %%ZCE |
| 254 | * ForeverWar: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-evidence-suggests-middle-east-conflict-predate,38428/ New Evidence Suggests Middle East Conflict Predates All Human Civilization]]". |
| 255 | * ForScience: In [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJkWS4t4l0k "Scientists Successfully Teach Gorilla It Will Die Someday"]], a team of primatologists successfully teaches a gorilla named Quigley that death is inevitable. Quigley experiences an existential crisis and becomes depressed; the scientists are quite proud of the result and hope that eventually they'll be able to teach a gorilla to resort to alcoholism or even commit suicide. |
| 256 | * ForTheEvulz: "[[https://www.theonion.com/mosquitoes-dont-even-need-to-bite-us-study-shows-1819573451 Mosquitoes Don't Even Need To Bite Us, Study Shows]]". |
| 257 | * FormerChildStar: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/entertainment_scientists_warn Entertainment Scientists Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted By 2013]]". |
| 258 | * FountainOfYouth: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/experimental-anti-aging-treatment-still-has-few-ki-56550 Experimental Anti-Aging Treatment Still Has Few Kinks, Report Infant Researchers]]". |
| 259 | * FranchiseZombie: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/final-minutes-of-last-harry-potter-movie-to-be-spl,20528/ Final Minutes Of Last Harry Potter Movie To Be Split Into Seven Separate Films]]". |
| 260 | * FriendToAllLivingThings: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/geese-all-flying-to-andy-garcias-house-for-winter,30580/ Geese All Flying To Andy García's House For Winter]]". |
| 261 | * FrozenDinnerOfLoneliness: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0f6N0ypfJoU Stouffers To Include Suicide Prevention Tips On Single Serve Microwavable Meals]]". |
| 262 | * {{Funk}}: |
| 263 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-threatens-to-drop-da-bomb-on-iraq,787/ Clinton Threatens to Drop Da Bomb on Iraq]]". |
| 264 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/national-funk-congress-deadlocked-on-get-upget-dow,625/ National Funk Congress Deadlocked on Get Up/Get Down Issue]]". |
| 265 | * FunHatingConfiscatingAdult: One column has Senator Tom [=DeLay=] losing his temper with a group of teenagers playing frisbee on the Capitol lawn. Said frisbee flies through the window and disrupts an important meeting. [=DeLay=] tells the teenagers that he's keeping the frisbee and that they can't do anything about this because he is very politically powerful. When he turns away from the window, a hacky sack flies into the room and hits him on the head. [=DeLay=] tells the teenagers that the joke's on them because he won't return their hacky sack either. |
| 266 | * FunnyBackgroundEvent: |
| 267 | ** The news ticker at the bottom of Newsroom videos. |
| 268 | ** Also, some screenshots of websites have headlines as funny as the news ticker's. |
| 269 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-currently-being-chased-in-background-of-secr,37073/ Obama Currently Being Chased In Background Of Secret Service Hearing]]". |
| 270 | * FutureBadass: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/person-who-will-one-day-become-warlordruler-of-wha,27406/ Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital]]". |
| 271 | * FutureLoser: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/entertainment_scientists_warn Entertainment Scientists Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted By 2013]]". |
| 272 | * GaiasVengeance: "[[https://politics.theonion.com/scott-pruitt-nervously-picks-up-walking-pace-as-hundred-1819708622 Scott Pruitt Nervously Picks Up Walking Pace as Hundreds of Whooping Cranes Begin Silently Perching Around Him]]". |
| 273 | * GameShow: Spoofed in various articles. |
| 274 | ** ''Series/{{Jeopardy}}'': |
| 275 | *** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/alex-trebek-deftly-prolongs-agonizing-small-talk,3614/ Alex Trebek Deftly Prolongs Agonizing Small Talk]]". |
| 276 | *** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ken-jennings-mistaken-for-subways-jared-again,4874/ Ken Jennings Mistaken For Subway's Jared Again]]". |
| 277 | *** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/jeopardy-viewer-had-no-idea-he-knew-so-much-about,5620/ 'Jeopardy!' Viewer Had No Idea He Knew So Much About Weasels]]". |
| 278 | ** ''Series/ThePriceIsRight'': |
| 279 | *** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/price-is-right-demands-pullout-of-us-forces,1124/ 'Price Is Right' Demands Pullout Of U.S. Forces]]". |
| 280 | *** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/what-am-i-going-to-do-with-all-these-dog-uteruses,11413/ What Am I Going To Do With All These Dog Uteruses?]]". |
| 281 | ** ''Series/WheelOfFortune'': |
| 282 | *** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/desperate-wheel-of-fortune-receives-approval-to-us,3681/ Desperate 'Wheel Of Fortune' Receives Approval To Use Swear Words]]". |
| 283 | *** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/wheel-of-fortune-contestants-hit-hard-as-vowel-pri,6159/ 'Wheel Of Fortune' Contestants Hit Hard As Vowel Prices Skyrocket]]". |
| 284 | * GameWithinAGame: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rw8gE3lnpLQ Warcraft Sequel Lets You Play a Character Playing Warcraft]]". |
| 285 | * TheGenericGuy: "[[http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/tim-duncan-announces-shoe-deal-with-florsheim,18718/ Tim Duncan Announces Shoe Deal With Florsheim]]". |
| 286 | * GenreBlindness: |
| 287 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/experts-agree-giant-razorclawed-bioengineered-crab,14318/ Experts Agree Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat]]". |
| 288 | ** The woman in the commentary "[[https://www.theonion.com/im-sure-that-out-of-control-water-skier-will-avoid-our-1819584488 I'm Sure That Out-Of-Control Water-Skier Will Avoid Our Outdoor Wedding]]". |
| 289 | --->Pretty soon the guests will stand, the wedding march will sound, and my father, Senator Stodgeworthy, will walk me down the aisle. Oh, he may look irritable and unkind, but I know deep down he's proud of his little girl for organizing the world's most perfect wedding that will in no way be suddenly derailed by that now-slightly-more-visible water-skier, flailing his arms and screaming "Look out! Whoa! Whoooa!" |
| 290 | * GentlemanThief: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/bad_boy_fencing_star_implicated Bad Boy Fencing Star Implicated In Daring Jewel Heist]]". |
| 291 | * GetALoadOfThatSquare: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38778 Area Father Must Have Read Some Drug-Slang Brochure Or Something]]". |
| 292 | * TheGhost: Clifford Banes, the [[InformedAbility supposed host]] of ''In The Know''. The various reasons given are Troperiffic: |
| 293 | -->"I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who has been accidentally [[UnPerson erased]]."\ |
| 294 | "I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who is battling his nemesis to the death on top of a [[EvilTowerOfOminousness clock tower]]."\ |
| 295 | "I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who is [[TheStoryteller regaling the interns with tales of his days at sea]]."\ |
| 296 | "I'm sitting in for Clifford Banes, who messed with the wrong people and got involved in some [[SophisticatedAsHell serious shit]]."\ |
| 297 | "[[BlatantLies I'm Clifford Banes]], [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jwhy6cxOZlI wearing]] [[LatexPerfection a perfect latex Juliana McKannis mask]]." |
| 298 | * GiantEnemyCrab: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/experts_agree_giant_razor_clawed?utm_source=a-section Experts Agree Giant, Razor-Clawed Bioengineered Crabs Pose No Threat]]". |
| 299 | * GirlbossFeminist: "[[https://youtu.be/iEtw3XJoJrE First Female Dictator Hailed As Step Forward For Women]]" is a fictional news report that parodies this trope for dark satire. The titular female dictator is Amivi Gama, a ruthless revolutionary who has made herself the President of UsefulNotes/EastTimor. She leads a brutal ReignOfTerror to crack down on all dissent, with everyone in the video (even her own victims) being impressed that a woman can prove to be just as much of a cruel tyrant as any man can be. This obviously satirizes the concept that achievements made by the "first" woman in any given field are necessarily positive, even if that field is inherently evil (like being a mass-murdering dictator, terrorist, or war criminal). |
| 300 | * GirlfriendInCanada: The entirety of "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/canadian-girlfriend-unsubstantiated,1484/ Canadian Girlfriend Unsubstantiated]]" |
| 301 | -->When questioned by biology-class lab partner Eric Brower about the specious Canadian lover, Woronoff became defensive.\ |
| 302 | "Of course Audrey exists," Woronoff said. "She just sent me this plaid lumberjack shirt I'm wearing, see? Where else would I get a Canadian shirt like this? You're just jealous because I have an exotic foreign girlfriend, and you don't even have an American one." |
| 303 | %%** Appears in "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29378 Area Homosexual Thinks He's Still In The Closet]]". %%ZCE + link no longer works |
| 304 | * GirlOnGirlIsHot: Parodied with "[[https://local.theonion.com/lesbian-couple-enjoys-hot-lesbian-action-1819586598 Lesbian Couple Enjoys Hot Lesbian Action]]"; the image with this caption shows two middle-aged [[ButchLesbian butch lesbians]] sitting on a couch. |
| 305 | * GirlsHaveCooties: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/10yearold-denies-girlliking-allegations,3909/ 10-Year-Old Denies Girl-Liking Allegations]]". |
| 306 | * {{Glurge}}: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27621 Nation Afraid To Admit 9-Year-Old Disabled Poet Really Bad]]". |
| 307 | * GlurgeAddict: Jean Teasdale's columns paint her life as an endless stream of cute "kitties", ice cream, Precious Moments figurines, and endearing squabbles with her man's-man "hubby" Rick. The reality of her situation -- that she's a deluded 40+ sad-sack, and Rick is a neglectful, alcoholic, emotionally abusive prick -- seems to escape her. |
| 308 | * GodzillaThreshold: "[[https://www.theonion.com/last-ditch-climate-change-report-provides-locations-of-1835244382 Last Ditch Climate Change Plan Provides Locations of Weapons, Current Whereabouts of Oil Executives]]". |
| 309 | %%* GoMadFromTheRevelation: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/onn-exclusive-oneonone-interview-with-god,37236/ One-On-One Interview With God]]". %%Link no longer works |
| 310 | %%* GoneHorriblyWrong: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/what_kind_of_powdered_chocolate What Kind Of Powdered Chocolate Drink Mix Have We Unleashed Upon The World?]]" %%Link no longer works, ZCE |
| 311 | * GoodCopBadCop: |
| 312 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/good-cop-avidstampcollector-cop-routine-not-workin,6088/ Good Cop, Avid-Stamp-Collector Cop Routine Not Working]]". |
| 313 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/good-cop-bad-cop-both-racist,1702/ Good Cop, Bad Cop Both Racist]]". |
| 314 | * GotMeDoingIt: Referenced by name in the last paragraph of "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-has-derogatory-nickname-for-every-neighboring,1418/ Man Has Derogatory Nickname For Every Neighboring Town]]". |
| 315 | -->It's not like he truly believes the girls in Litchfield are bitches; last year, he had a girlfriend from Bitchfield. I mean Litchfield. Shit, now he's got me doing it. |
| 316 | * GrandRomanticGesture: {{Deconstructed|Trope}} in "[[https://local.theonion.com/romantic-comedy-behavior-gets-real-life-man-arrested-1819565117 Romantic-Comedy Behavior Gets Real-Life Man Arrested]]". |
| 317 | -->Marzano was taken into custody after violating a restraining order filed against him by Kellie Hamilton, 25, an attractive, unmarried kindergarten teacher who is new to the L.A. area. According to Hamilton, Marzano has stalked her for the past two months, spying on her, tapping her phone, serenading her with The Carpenters' "Close To You" at her place of employment, and tricking her into boarding Caribbean-bound jets. |
| 318 | * GrapesOfLuxury: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-fed-grapes-while-urging-press-conference-to,32540/ Obama Fed Grapes While Urging Press Conference To Enjoy Orgy]]". |
| 319 | * GravityIsOnlyATheory: The article "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/evangelical-scientists-refute-gravity-with-new-int,1778/ Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory]]", where fundamentalist Christians are no longer content to get equal time with biology to preach theology in biology class. They now also want equal time in the physics class, demanding that the theories of Newton and Einstein step back in favor of the theory that the universe is held together by Jesus' love. |
| 320 | %%* GreenAesop: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/entertainment_scientists_warn Entertainment Scientists Warn Miley Cyrus Will Be Depleted By 2013]]". %%ZCE, link doesn't work |
| 321 | %%* GretzkyHasTheBall: Inverted with "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/even_british_able_to_see?utm_source=slate_rss_1 Even British Able To See Holes In Buccaneer's Defence]]". %%ZCE, link doesn't work |
| 322 | * TheGrimReaper: Frequently appears in Kelly's cartoons, where he's used as overblown symbolism that things Stan Kelly doesn't like are evil and wrong. |
| 323 | * GroinAttack: In "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eCvDzAJhP4 In Bipartisan Spirit, Obama Makes Deal To Get Kicked In Balls]]", political analysts give their opinions on a deal where President Obama agrees to let Republicans in Congress repeatedly kick him in the balls in exchange for nothing. |
| 324 | * GruesomeGoat: In [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/dept-of-evil-all-of-you-must-die,2200/ an article reporting on the U.S. Department of Evil's decision that all must die]], the Department's Dread Secretary of Evil Hammond S. Reynolds is depicted as a humanoid with the head of a red-eyed goat. |
| 325 | * TheGuardsMustBeCrazy: "[[https://www.theonion.com/u-s-military-heightens-security-after-another-group-of-1822882300 U.S. Military Heightens Security After Another Group Of Precocious Children Sneaks Onto Base To Save Alien Friend]]". |
| 326 | * GunNut: "[[https://www.theonion.com/nra-praised-for-decreasing-stigma-of-mentally-ill-acqui-1828720712 NRA Praised For Decreasing Stigma Of Mentally Ill Acquiring Firearms]]". |
| 327 | * HandPuppet: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30192 Local Puppet Ignores Repeated Audience Dragon Warnings]]". |
| 328 | * HandsOnApproach: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/romney-stands-behind-ryan-to-show-good-campaigning,30008/ Romney stands behind Ryan to Show Good Campaigning Stance]]". |
| 329 | -->In order to demonstrate proper campaign posture, Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney stood behind running mate Paul Ryan on Saturday and gently guided the younger man's hips and elbows into an ideal speaking stance, sources confirmed. |
| 330 | %%* HardDrinkingPartyGirl: "[[http://www.onionstudios.com/videos/hurricane-ashley-expected-to-strike-several-bars-this-cinco-de-mayo-2101 Hurricane Ashley Expected To Strike Several Bars This Cinco De Mayo]]". %%Link no longer works + ZCE |
| 331 | * HarmfulToMinors: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30883 U.S. Children Still Traumatized One Year After Seeing Partially-Exposed Breast On TV]]". %%Link no longer works |
| 332 | * HasAType: "[[https://www.theonion.com/area-man-saddened-to-realize-short-jewish-women-with-an-1819570303 Area Man Saddened To Realize Short Jewish Women With An Interest In Theater His Type]]". |
| 333 | * HateSink: "[[https://local.theonion.com/mom-hates-bad-guy-in-movie-1829717556 Mom Hates Bad Guy In Movie]]". |
| 334 | * HaveIMentionedIAmSexuallyActiveToday: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/teen-boys-losing-virginity-earlier-and-earlier-rep,35906/ Teen Boys Losing Virginity Earlier and Earlier, Report Teen Boys]]". |
| 335 | * HeadInTheSandManagement: |
| 336 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/robert-mueller-dreading-returning-from-2-month-european-1819580154 Robert Mueller Dreading Returning From 2-Month European Vacation To Start Russia Investigation]]". |
| 337 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/cdc-director-alarmed-after-googling-covid-cases-for-f-1847378739 CDC Director Alarmed After Googling 'Covid Cases' For First Time in Weeks]]". |
| 338 | * HeavyMetalUmlaut: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/united-states-toughens-image-with-umlauts,4230/ Ünited Stätes Toughens Image with Umlauts]]". |
| 339 | * HeelFaceTurn: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/formerly-evil-wrestler-realizes-error-of-his-ways-215 Formerly Evil Wrestler Realizes Error Of His Ways]]". |
| 340 | * HenpeckedHusband: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/empowered-man-murders-controlling-wife-in-lifetime-2699 Empowered Man Murders Controlling Wife In Lifetime For Men Original Movie]]". |
| 341 | * AHellOfATime: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/hell-now-a-thriving-epicenter-of-gay-culture,33928/ Hell Now A Thriving Epicenter Of Gay Culture]]". |
| 342 | * HelpYourselfInTheFuture: "[[https://politics.theonion.com/time-traveling-hillary-clinton-warns-self-to-do-everyth-1821196436 Time-Traveling Hillary Clinton Warns Self To Do Everything In Exact Same Way]]". |
| 343 | * HeroOfAnotherStory: |
| 344 | ** During his term as Secretary of State, articles involving John Kerry had him portrayed as though he was the protagonist of an action movie, and picked up right as the action started happening. |
| 345 | ** The [[http://www.theonion.com/article/supreme-court-justices-gather-chambers-receive-lat-57138 Supreme Court being semi-superheroes]]. |
| 346 | * HighAltitudeInterrogation: It's reported in their web video [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JjNh7L5jiE "Nation's Hardass Cops Finally Find Time to Play Games"]] that "hardass cops can be fucked with for two more hours, at which point they will resume dangling lowlifes from rooftops until they get the answers they want." |
| 347 | * HistoricalBeautyUpdate: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_would_have_been_considered I Would Have Been Considered Very Attractive In The Middle Ages]]". |
| 348 | * HiveMind: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/residents-of-indiana-join-together-to-form-collect,27668/ "Residents of Indiana Join Together To Form Collective Consciousness".]] |
| 349 | * {{Hobos}}: In "[[http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/why-am-i-the-only-homeless-man-still-wearing-pickl-11401 Why Am I The Only Homeless Man Still Wearing Pickle Barrels?]]", the narrator is a homeless man who was once a powerful railroad tycoon before the fickle hand of fate robbed him of his mansion, wealth and fine suits, and set him on the wandering path of the hobo. He bears himself with dignity, seeking nothing more than [[BankruptcyBarrel a pickle barrel to clad himself in]], a stray can of beans for his supper, and the company of his old friend Handsome Joe the Hobo King who lives down by the train yard. In recent days, however, he worries about the looming extinction of his traditional lifestyle -- modern hobos have largely abandoned the traditional barrels for flashy, trendy wear such as be-patched trousers and shoes that leave the big toe exposed, suitable barrels have become rare as well as shipping companies have switched to glass jars and cardboard boxes, and fewer and fewer people transport their canned goods in poorly-secured bicycles where even a slight bump might send a hearty stew flying to the street. |
| 350 | * HollywoodAtlas: ''Our Dumb World'' is constructed largely out of this Trope, with a dash of BlackComedy here and there. |
| 351 | * HollywoodHacking: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/fasttalking-computer-hacker-just-has-to-break-thro,32000/ Fast-Talking Computer Hacker Just Has To Break Through Encryption Shield Before Uploading Nano-Virus]]". |
| 352 | * HollywoodHeartAttack: Discussed in "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/doctors-say-average-heart-attack-victim-doesnt-clu,36532/ Doctors Say Average Heart Attack Victim Doesn't Clutch At Chest Nearly Dramatically Enough"]]. |
| 353 | * HollywoodPsych: |
| 354 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-train-thankfully-unharmed-in-cra,20098/ Autistic Reporter: Train Thankfully Unharmed In Crash That Killed One Man]]". |
| 355 | ** And "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-michael-falk-enchanted-by-prison,26712/ Autistic Reporter, Michael Falk, Enchanted By Prison's Rigid Routine]]". |
| 356 | * HollywoodScience: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/in-the-know-coal-lobby-warns-wind-farms-may-blow-e,20876/ Coal Lobby warns Wind Farms may blow Earth off-orbit]]". |
| 357 | * {{Horrorscope}}: The Onion's faux horoscopes are often blackly comedic in nature. Horoscope for Scorpio: 'Your week will be so varied, interesting, and surprising that eventually the coroner will just give up, shrug, and write "heart failure" in the spot marked "Cause of Death".' |
| 358 | * HostilityOnTheSet: In-universe: "[[https://entertainment.theonion.com/steven-spielberg-recalls-coming-to-blows-with-e-t-on-f-1820392944 Steven Spielberg Recalls Coming To Blows with E.T. On Film Set]]". |
| 359 | * HoYay: [[invoked]] "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/worlds-power-brokers-hold-annual-summit-where-they,18474/ World's Power Brokers Hold Annual Summit Where They Show Each Other Their Penises]]". |
| 360 | * HulkSpeak: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33980 Why No One Want Make]] Film/{{Hulk}} [[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33980 2?]]". |
| 361 | * HumanoidAbomination: |
| 362 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/neverland-ranch-investigators-discover-corpse-of-r,1303/ Neverland Ranch Investigators Discover Corpse of Real Michael Jackson]]". |
| 363 | --->Holbrooke said that, while the living Jackson is the leading suspect in the murder investigation, he "could be another victim of some sort."\ |
| 364 | "Basically, we have no idea what type of creature we are dealing with," Holbrooke said. |
| 365 | ** Dick Cheney, Ted Cruz, and especially Steve Bannon are all frequently depicted this way. |
| 366 | * HumansArePsychicInTheFuture: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-worlds-lone-nontelepathic-individual-still,32461/ Report: World's Lone Non-Telepathic Individual Still Completely Unaware]]". |
| 367 | * HuntingTheMostDangerousGame: |
| 368 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/44462 Maverick Hunter's 'Human Beings As Prey' Plan Not As Challenging As Expected]]" is a [[DeconstructedTrope deconstruction]]. The human prey wasn't conditioned to survive in the jungle, and [[TooDumbToLive died]] in ways the titular hunter [[EpicFail didn't even consider was fathomable]]. |
| 369 | ** [[https://politics.theonion.com/lindsey-graham-cowers-behind-tree-trunk-as-trump-s-hunt-1819579572 "Lindsey Graham Cowers Behind Tree Trunk As Trump's Hunting Dogs Close In"]]. |
| 370 | * HurricaneOfEuphemisms: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/renowned-hooha-doctor-wins-nobel-prize-for-medical,2692/ Renowned Hoo-Ha Doctor Wins Nobel Prize For Medical Advancements Down There]]". |
| 371 | * HurricaneOfPuns: Roger Dudek's regular column is basically just a nonstop barrage of the most horrible puns imaginable. |
| 372 | * HypeAversion: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/new-apple-friend-bar-gives-customers-someone-to-ta,17693/ New Apple Friend Bar Gives Customers Someone To Talk At About Mac Products]]". |
| 373 | * HypocriticalHumor: |
| 374 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iT2hfG3WbT8 Female Scientists Say Domestic Abuse Not Problem]], Says Team of Female Researchers Who All Recently Sustained Injuries Due to Various Accidents". |
| 375 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/elmore-leonard-modern-prose-master-noted-for-his-t,33559 Elmore Leonard, Modern Prose Master, Noted For His Terse Prose Style And For Writing About Things Perfectly And Succinctly With A Remarkable Economy Of Words, Unfortunately And Sadly Expired This Gloomy Tuesday At The Age Of 87 Years Old]]". |
| 376 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/second-grade-teacher-overhyping-third-grade-1819566659 Second-Grade Teacher Overhyping Third Grade]]" ends with the third-grade teacher criticizing the second-grade teacher for exaggerating how difficult/fun third grade will be, before saying that she has to prepare her students for "the really hard stuff in fourth grade." |
| 377 | ** "[[https://local.theonion.com/man-wearing-cobra-command-shirt-missed-the-whole-point-1834243488 Man Wearing Cobra Command Shirt Missed The Whole Point of 'G.I. Joe']]" -- Rowe's employers complain about him wearing a shirt for the fictitious terrorist organization, while they named their company after the president and greatest general of the Confederate States of America, who rebelled against the U.S. in the American Civil War. |
| 378 | ** A recurring aspect of the humor in the mock political cartoons is that Stan Kelly, their fictional author, will happily switch sides on any given argument again and again based on his myopic focus and whether or not things inconvencience him personally. For instance, he will routinely lambast "today's teens" for their various immoral and lecherous habits in contrast to wholesome, all-American children, and then criticize them just as harshly for being teetotallers instead of honoring the American tradition of drinking like fish, since he's a habitual drunkard and doesn't like it when people do anything differently from him. |
| 379 | [[/folder]] |
| 380 | |
| 381 | [[folder:I-L]] |
| 382 | * IDontWantToRuinOurFriendship: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/but-if-we-started-dating-it-would-ruin-our-friends,11473/ But If We Started Dating It Would Ruin Our Friendship Where I Ask You To Do Things And You Do Them]]". |
| 383 | * IRejectYourReality: In the article [[https://www.theonion.com/study-vaccines-don-t-cause-autism-even-in-high-risk-ki-1819562623 "Study: Vaccines Don't Cause Autism, Even in High-Risk Kids,"]] a study reports that vaccines are not linked to autism, even in high-risk children, and the article asks some people what they think about the study. A woman named Rosemary Woods says to let her know when there's a study that shows what she knows in her heart. |
| 384 | * IfItBleedsItLeads: "[[https://local.theonion.com/missing-girl-probably-raped-1819594641 Missing Girl Probably Raped]]". |
| 385 | * IfYoureSoEvilEatThisKitten: Inverted in a report on new financial regulations, among them requiring stock traders to pass a "Kitten and Hammer Ethics Test". |
| 386 | * IHaveNoSon: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2uqJ4xTx8k DEA Official Announces Successful Drug Bust On Son's Room]]". The official doesn't quite say the words, but he never refers to the suspect as his son. |
| 387 | * IHaveThisFriend: |
| 388 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/bush_asks_advice_for_this Bush Asks Advice For This Friend Of His Who Invaded Iraq]]". |
| 389 | ** [[http://www.theonion.com/video/political-talk-show-host-suddenly-very-interested,14340/ "Political Talk Show Host Suddenly Very Interested In Manslaughter Law Loopholes"]]. |
| 390 | * IKnowMaddenKombat: "LBJ Deploys Green Bay Packers to Vietnam". [[labelnote:Explanation]]For non-Americans, [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Green_Bay_Packers The Green Bay Packers]] are a professional American football team from Wisconsin.[[/labelnote]] |
| 391 | * ImmoralRealityShow: Parodied with ''WebVideo/SexHouse'', in which six contestants live together in a isolated house, which ''should'' hopefully results in lots of sex and drama and high ratings for the network, but with ''The Onion'' being ''The Onion'', things quickly take a turn for the worse. |
| 392 | * ImperialStormtrooperMarksmanshipAcademy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/winchester-unveils-new-9mm-stray-bullet-guaranteed-50877 Winchester Unveils New 9MM Stray Bullet Guaranteed To Hit Innocent Bystanders]]". |
| 393 | * ImprobableAimingSkills: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nationals-book-it-after-foul-ball-accidentally-sma,2448/ Nationals Book It After Foul Ball Accidentally Smashes Capitol Rotunda]]". |
| 394 | * IndianBurialGround: [[http://www.theonion.com/video/report-economy-failing-because-us-built-on-ancient,20638/ "Economy Failing Because U.S. Built On Ancient Indian Burial Grounds"]]. |
| 395 | * InfractionDistraction: "[[https://www.theonion.com/cuomo-increasingly-desperate-to-shift-focus-back-onto-n-1847423866 [Andrew] Cuomo Increasingly Desperate To Shift Focus Back Onto Nursing Home Deaths]]". |
| 396 | %%* InnocentInaccurate: A blend of this and ''The Onion'''s usual style is ''heartwrenching''. %%ZCE, give an example? |
| 397 | * InsurmountableWaistHeightFence: "[[https://entertainment.theonion.com/video-game-character-stares-impotently-at-forbidden-rea-1829141076 Video Game Character Stares Impotently At Forbidden Realm Beyond Impassable Waist-High Bush]]". |
| 398 | * InspirationallyDisadvantaged: |
| 399 | ** "Coming up next: Serial killer with Down Syndrome commits fifth inspirational murder". |
| 400 | ** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-world-now-down-to-5-stories-that-are-inspir,31303 "World Now Down To 5 Stories That Are Inspirational"]] and the photo caption [[BlackComedy "Double Amputee Proves He Is Capable Of Anything"]] are both inspired by the 2013 arrest of RealLife double amputee Olympic-level sprinter Oscar Pistorius for the premeditated murder of his girlfriend. |
| 401 | ** Downplayed in "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/developmentally-disabled-burger-king-employee-only,462/ Developmentally Disabled Burger King Employee Only Competent Worker]]", in which the developmentally disabled employee stands out by doing the simple things his (supposedly) smarter co-workers are ''supposed'' to be doing. |
| 402 | ** Deconstructed in "[[https://politics.theonion.com/developmentally-disabled-senator-wants-to-be-treated-li-1819566295 Developmentally Disabled Senator Wants To Be Treated Like Every Other Lawmaker]]". |
| 403 | --->"Now, we all like Freddy — everybody in the Senate does," Sen. Tim Hutchinson (R-AR) said. "We love the construction-paper vases and desk placemats he made all of us, as well as the way he puts all his senator stuff away in the multi-colored plastic bins in his office at the end of the day. But does that make him qualified to be a legislator? Should he be in the position to cast the deciding vote on a key Medicare-reform bill? It's just not fair to the American people — or to him." |
| 404 | * TheInternetIsForPorn: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/naked_woman_picture_gains Naked Woman Picture Gains Popularity On Internet]]" ({{NSFW}}). |
| 405 | * InterspeciesFriendship: "[[https://entertainment.theonion.com/8-unlikely-animal-friendships-1819594492 8 Unlikely Animal Friendships]]", a parody of one of the more common choices for clickbait articles. |
| 406 | * ItHasBeenAnHonor: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/its-been-an-honor-gentlemen-shift-supervisor-says,28522/ 'It's Been An Honor, Gentlemen,' Shift Supervisor Says As Giant Vat Of Molten Cheese Erupts]]". |
| 407 | * ItIsBeyondSaving: [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0AEarudEdI "FDA Commissioner: I Give Up On You Pigs"]]. |
| 408 | * ItsAllAboutMe: |
| 409 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-google-streep-view-to-provide-panoramic-imager,34751/ New Google Streep View To Provide Panoramic Imagery Of Meryl Streep]]". |
| 410 | ** This is much of the gag with Kelly, in that his political views amount to "whatever is most convenient to me, personally." For instance, he is in favor of the bird population crisis, because that way birds don't poop on him. |
| 411 | * ItsAllMyFault: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/soaring-us-divorce-rate-blamed-on-local-11yearold,911/ Soaring U.S. Divorce Rate Blamed On Local 11-Year-Old]]". |
| 412 | * ItsPopularNowItSucks: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/video/trekkies_bash_new_star_trek_film?utm_source=a-section Trekkies Bash New 'Star Trek' Film As 'Fun, Watchable']]". |
| 413 | * ItsQuietTooQuiet: [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jn5c1FuLDd4 "Tea Party Quiet... Too Quiet"]]. |
| 414 | * IWantMyJetpack: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-thought-wed-have-flying-slaves-by-now,27000/ I Thought We'd Have Flying Slaves By Now]]". |
| 415 | * {{Japandering}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-earns-money-for-us-by-appearing-in-japanese,21292/ Obama Earns Money For U.S. By Appearing In Japanese Television Commercial]]". |
| 416 | * {{Jerkass}}: |
| 417 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/asshole-admits-to-being-asshole-in-supreme-asshole,1172/ Asshole Admits To Being Asshole In Supreme Asshole Move"]] |
| 418 | ** "Asshole Proud of Asshole Son," which features a racist, sexist jerk who's pleased that his son's turning out like him. |
| 419 | * JerkassHasAPoint: Jean Teasdale's husband Rick may be a [[TheAlcoholic hard-drinking]] jerk, but he's also CloserToEarth than Jean (which [[CloudCuckoolander isn't difficult]], to be honest), he gets upset with her for squandering their money on things like Precious Moments figures when they're trying to get out of debt. |
| 420 | * JerkassWoobie: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/teen-with-cancer-vows-it-wont-keep-her-from-being,18176 Teen With Cancer Vows It Won't Keep Her From Being Mean, Moody Little Shit]]". |
| 421 | * JerkJock: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/secondmost-popular-kid-in-school-assumes-power-fol,18088/ Second-Most Popular Kid In School Assumes Power Following Death Of Star Quarterback]]". |
| 422 | * JigglePhysics: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/new_video_game_technology?utm_source=c-section New Video Game Technology Finally Allows Rendering Of Smaller Breasts]]". |
| 423 | * JoggersFindDeath: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-joggers-sick-of-finding-dead-bodies,2145/ Nation's Joggers Sick of Finding Dead Bodies]]". |
| 424 | * JurisdictionFriction: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/local_authorities_more_than Local Authorities More Than Happy To Let FBI Take Over]]". |
| 425 | * JustHereForGodzilla:[[invoked]] Parodied in "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/guinness-releases-abridged-book-freaks-readers-who-56066 Guinness Releases Abridged Book Of Freaks For Readers Who Just Want The Good Stuff]]". |
| 426 | * JustJokingJustification: |
| 427 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/come-on-lighten-up-im-just-being-a-total-asshole,11456/ Come On, Lighten Up, I'm Just Being A Total Asshole]]". |
| 428 | ** "[[https://local.theonion.com/bully-can-t-believe-classmate-took-4-straight-years-of-1819577670 Bully Can't Believe Classmate Took 4 Straight Years Of Being Told To Kill Herself Seriously]]". |
| 429 | * JustTheIntroductionToTheOpposites: |
| 430 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/gay-teen-worried-he-might-be-christian-2888 Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian]]". |
| 431 | ** "[[https://local.theonion.com/local-teen-walks-in-on-family-masturbating-1819575823 Local Teen Walks In On Family Masturbating]]". |
| 432 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/asian-teen-has-sweaty-middle-aged-man-fetish-1819570514 Asian Teen Has Sweaty Middle-Aged-Man Fetish]]". |
| 433 | * JustTrainWrong: |
| 434 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/murder-mystery-on-train-not-so-fun-in-real-life,2238/ Murder Mystery On Train Not So Fun In Real Life]]". It's supposed to be on a train in Wisconsin, yet the page image choice is of a Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) train in UsefulNotes/SanFrancisco. |
| 435 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/circus-train-wreck-not-funny-investigators-emphasi,21252/ Circus Train Wreck Not Funny, Investigators Emphasize]]". Though the train crashed in Altoona, Pennsylvania, the picture is of an Indian Railways passenger train, and the car out of which the giraffes are sticking their heads is an electric locomotive. |
| 436 | * KarmaHoudini: |
| 437 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/epic-saga-of-employees-ineptitude-passed-down-thro,31765/ Epic Saga Of Employee's Ineptitude Passed Down Through Generations Of Coworkers]]" shows how the employee in question still has his job despite his many mistakes. {{Lampshade|Hanging}}d with the following quote: |
| 438 | --->"God, I can't believe nobody's had the balls to just [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] fire him already," Meyers added. |
| 439 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/college-basketball-star-heroically-overcomes-tragi-19097 College Basketball Star Heroically Overcomes Tragic Rape He Committed]]". The basketball star in question doesn't suffer any consequences for drunkenly raping a girl, and everyone involved passes it off as a heroic accomplishment. |
| 440 | ** In "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/wealthy-teen-nearly-experiences-consequence-2551 Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequence]]", the teen in question evades even the slap on the wrist proposed for him. |
| 441 | * KarmicDeath: "[[https://politics.theonion.com/epa-administrator-proves-carbon-emissions-not-harmful-b-1836912751 EPA Administrator Proves Carbon Emissions Not Harmful By Inhaling Directly From Truck's Tailpipe]]". |
| 442 | * KickTheDog: In "[[https://www.theonion.com/coworkers-dying-to-tell-man-hes-going-to-be-fired-1819567236 Coworkers Dying To Tell Man He's Going To Be Fired]]", not only is Mark Tendulkar, the man in question, a slacker who [[SmallNameBigEgo thinks he's hot stuff despite his incompetence]], but he also badmouths the one coworker who defends him, albeit not knowing that said person is doing so. |
| 443 | * KilledOffForReal: Averted with [[http://www.theonion.com/video/extremely-wired-tim-duncan-explodes-for-50-points,27866/ Doc and Kenny]], who [[http://www.theonion.com/video/insecure-miami-heat-cant-figure-out-who-garnett-ca,28450/ came back]] a couple months later with their heads wrapped in bloody bandages. |
| 444 | * KillThePoor: |
| 445 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/rnc-builds-levee-out-of-poor-people-to-protect-con,29337/ RNC Builds Levee Out Of Poor People To Protect Convention Site]]". |
| 446 | ** "[[https://politics.theonion.com/paul-ryan-slits-auto-mechanic-s-throat-to-kick-off-gop-1821475569 Paul Ryan Slits Auto Mechanic's Throat To Kick Off GOP Purge Of Working Class]]". |
| 447 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/blood-soaked-mayor-bloomberg-announces-homelessness-no-1819575714 Blood-Soaked Mayor Bloomberg Announces Homelessness No Longer A Problem In New York City]]". |
| 448 | * KnightInSourArmor: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/existentialist-firefighter-delays-3-deaths,17500/ Existentialist Firefighter Delays Three Deaths]]". |
| 449 | * KnuckleCracking: The intimidating spinal variant in "[[https://www.theonion.com/bad-guy-signals-badness-with-neck-crack-1850818174 Bad Guy Signals Badness with Neck Crack]]". |
| 450 | * LampshadedDoubleEntendre: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/peyton-mannings-wife-tired-of-his-constant-audible,5043 Peyton Manning's Wife Tired Of His Constant 'Audibles' At The 'Line Of Scrimmage']]". |
| 451 | * LatinLover: "[[https://www.theonion.com/small-town-ravished-by-alejandro-1836636742 Small Town Ravished By Alejandro]]". |
| 452 | * LetsSeeYouDoBetter: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/well_you_try_to_reconstruct_iraq 'Well, You Try To Reconstruct Iraq,' Says U.S. Defensive Dept.]]" |
| 453 | * LetThemDieHappy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/family-tells-ailing-mandela-racism-over,32937/ Family Tells Ailing Mandela Racism Over]]". |
| 454 | * LifetimeMovieOfTheWeek: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33436 Oh, My God – The Baby!]]" |
| 455 | * LighterAndSofter: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-david-simon-project-to-investigate-happy-upper,17426/ New David Simon Project To Investigate Happy, Upper-Middle-Class Streets Of Wilmette, Illinois]]". |
| 456 | * LiteralMetaphor: A good deal of the horoscopes. |
| 457 | -->'''[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-september-18-2012,29600/ Capricorn]]:''' You can learn a lot by putting yourself in another person's shoes. Go the extra mile and put yourself in their clothes, their delicate hosieries, and their [[BreadEggsMilkSquick intoxicating undergarments]].\ |
| 458 | '''[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-september-4-2012,29430/ Taurus]]:''' You always knew your girlfriend was going to be high-maintenance. Still, never did you imagine you'd be replacing the internal combustion engine by yourself. |
| 459 | * LiteralMinded: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wHMaJ6AtNs Concentric Circles Emanating From Glowing Red Dot]]". |
| 460 | * LonelyAtTheTop: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/rich-guy-feeling-left-out-of-recession,17181/ Rich Guy Feeling Left Out Of Recession]]". |
| 461 | * LongList: The list of people not to be at the end of "[[http://www.theonion.com/infographic/tips-not-condemning-millions-americans-sickness-an-55935 Tips For Not Condemning Millions Of Americans To Sickness And Death]]". |
| 462 | * LookOnMyWorksYeMightyAndDespair: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-chuck-e-cheese-restaurant-forged-in-iron-and-b,905/ New Chuck E. Cheese Restaurant Forged In Iron And Blood]]". |
| 463 | * LoopholeAbuse: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2OObOM3R_U Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation with Wish for Unlimited Wishes]]". |
| 464 | * LovableSexManiac: Joe Biden was portrayed as one until 2020. |
| 465 | * LoveHotels: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/37469 Longtime Married Couple Subjected To Excruciating 'Romantic Weekend Getaway']]". |
| 466 | * LowestCommonDenominator: InUniverse. |
| 467 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmCjJ0VBjjU Pop Star's Single, 'Booty Wave', Most Likely Civilization's Downfall]]". |
| 468 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-one-admits-to-singing-writing-producing-nations,2236/ No One Admits To Singing, Writing, Producing Nation's No. 1 Song]]". |
| 469 | * LysistrataGambit: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congressional-aides-withholding-sex-until-budget-c,34151/ Congressional Aides Withholding Sex Until Budget Compromise Is Reached]]". |
| 470 | [[/folder]] |
| 471 | |
| 472 | [[folder:M-P]] |
| 473 | * MadScientist: |
| 474 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38877 Corpse-Reanimation Technology Still 10 Years Off, Say MIT Mad Scientists]]". |
| 475 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/mad-scientists-plot-thwarted-by-budget-cuts-1819567053 Mad Scientist's Plot Thwarted by Budget Cuts]]". |
| 476 | * MadwomanInTheAttic: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/lapd-discovers-hidden-deformed-olsen-triplet,576/ LAPD Discovers Hidden Deformed Olsen Triplet]]". |
| 477 | * TheMagazineRule: |
| 478 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/star-wars-gamer-magazine-boldly-claims-to-be-the-l,3698/ Star Wars Gamer Magazine Boldly Claims To Be The Leading Magazine For Star Wars Gamers]]". |
| 479 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-pompous-asshole-magazine-to-compete-with-cigar,4208/ New Pompous Asshole Magazine To Compete With Cigar Aficionado]]". |
| 480 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-demography-today-magazine-targets-demographer,3908/ New Demography Today Magazine Targets Demographer Demographic]]". |
| 481 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/rat-fancy-magazine-fails-to-catch-on,4259/ Rat Fancy Magazine Fails To Catch On]]". |
| 482 | * MagicalNegro: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/maya-angelou-honored-for-courage-blackness,1643/ Maya Angelou Honored For Courage, Blackness]]". |
| 483 | * MalevolentArchitecture: |
| 484 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28338 Video-Game Characters Denounce Randomly-Placed Swinging Blades]]". |
| 485 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/not-quite-perfect-mcdonalds-opens-in-illinois-outl,1328/ 'Not Quite Perfect' McDonald's Opens In Illinois Outlet Mall]]". |
| 486 | * {{Manchild}}: |
| 487 | ** Exaggerated in "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-down-to-last-hundred-grownups,20491 Nation Down To Last Hundred Grown-Ups]]". |
| 488 | --->According to alarming new figures released Monday by the U.S. Census Bureau, the nation's population of mature adults has been pushed to the brink of extinction, with only 104 grown-ups remaining in the country today.\ |
| 489 | The endangered demographic, which is projected to die out completely by 2060, is reportedly distinguished from other groups by numerous unique traits, including foresight, rationality, understanding of how to obtain and pay for a mortgage, personal responsibility, and the ability to enter a store without immediately purchasing whatever items they see and desire. |
| 490 | ** Donald Trump's sons tend to be written as this, including "[[https://politics.theonion.com/trump-boys-beg-father-to-nominate-g-i-joe-action-figur-1825543511 Trump Boys Beg Father To Nominate G.I. Joe Action Figure Cobra Commander For VA Secretary]]" or "[[https://politics.theonion.com/trump-boys-forge-father-s-signature-on-letters-they-wro-1822807476 Trump Boys Forge Father's Signature On Letters They Wrote Excusing Them From Any More Testifying]]". |
| 491 | * ManipulativeEditing: Parodied in the video "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apwjgE0n9fc&feature=plcp Man Had Sex With Wife Thousands Of Times Before Killing Her]]", part of the fictional TrueCrime ShowWithinAShow ''Raw Justice''. The "real" story appears to be a tragic accident in which a normal couple were having passionate sex in the kitchen before the husband performed a possibly lethal "donkey punch" on his wife. ''Raw Justice'''s version turns it into an oversensationalized crime story about a "coital boogeyman" who held his wife captive for years as a SexSlave before finally and coldly committing premeditated murder. They use every editing trick in the book to make the husband seem like a monstrous rapist and the wife as a battered victim with UsefulNotes/StockholmSyndrome, while the actual content of the story is anything but horrific. |
| 492 | -->'''Dean Raid's description:''' In the kitchen where he would eventually murder her, John would have Mary prepare him sumptuous meals. He would force the captive Mary to listen to his rambling anecdotes about his job. Sometimes John would flex his power over her, demanding she tell him about her day as well. Sometimes... '''they would watch TV'''. |
| 493 | * MarathonLevel: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nascar-considers-single-21500-mile-race-for-2011-s,17489/ NASCAR Considers Single 21,500 Mile Race For 2011 Season]]". |
| 494 | * MarriedToTheJob: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbn-jiN6b_E Tom Coughlin Retires From Family To Spend More Time With Team]]". |
| 495 | * MarryingTheMark: Parodied in "[[https://www.theonion.com/housewife-charged-in-sex-for-security-scam-1819567920 Housewife Charged In Sex-For-Security Scam]]", where a woman marries a man in order [[FelonyMisdemeanor to obtain food, lodging, and financial security in exchange for occasional sex for over 19 years]]. |
| 496 | * MassOhCrap: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nationals-book-it-after-foul-ball-accidentally-sma,2448/ Nationals Book It After Foul Ball Accidentally Smashes Capitol Rotunda]]". |
| 497 | * MeatOVision: |
| 498 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/life-raft-companion-looks-just-like-juicy-steak-1819565682 Life-Raft Companion Looks Just Like Juicy Steak]]". |
| 499 | ** "[[http://sports.theonion.com/c-c-sabathia-prince-fielder-keep-imagining-each-other-1819569949 C.C. Sabathia, Prince Fielder Keep Imagining Each Other As Giant Talking Hot Dog, Hamburger]]". |
| 500 | * MediumAwareness: |
| 501 | ** "[[http://politics.theonion.com/ominous-music-heard-throughout-u-s-sends-nation-into-p-1819594842 Ominous Music Heard Throughout U.S. Sends Nation Into Panic]]". |
| 502 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/breaking-news-series-of-concentric-circles-emanating-f-1819594684 Breaking News: Concentric Circles Emanating From Glowing Red Dot]]". |
| 503 | * MindScrew: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obamas-weekly-video-addresses-becoming-increasingl,17649/ Obama's Weekly Video Addresses Becoming Increasingly Avant-Garde]]". |
| 504 | * MilitaryCoup: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRgRz3nSG7o U.S. Government Stages Fake Coup To Wipe Out National Debt]]". |
| 505 | * MisaimedFandom: In-universe with "[[https://local.theonion.com/man-wearing-cobra-command-shirt-missed-the-whole-point-1834243488 Man Wearing Cobra Command Shirt Missed The Whole Point Of 'G.I. Joe']]". |
| 506 | * MischiefMakingMonkey: "[[https://www.theonion.com/epstein-guards-placed-on-disciplinary-leave-for-allowin-1837280966 Epstein Guards Placed On Disciplinary Leave For Allowing Selves To Be Distracted By Mischievous Monkey That Stole Key Ring]]". |
| 507 | * MissingChild: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/every-parents-worst-nightmare-is-losing-a-child-to,34762/ "Every Parent's Worst Nightmare Is Losing A Child To Gorchul, The Dark Sorcerer Of Time"]]. It's almost as if it's making fun of the endemic misuse this trope gets on this very wiki. |
| 508 | * MissingWhiteWomanSyndrome: |
| 509 | ** Inverted with "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30112 Ugly Girl Killed]]". |
| 510 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/missing-girl-probably-raped,14164/ Missing Girl Probably Raped]]". |
| 511 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TiS3HaNhPU Thousands Of Girls Match Description Of Missing Sorority Sister]]". |
| 512 | * MistakenNationality: Overlapping with {{Spexico}} in "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38654 Restaurant Turns Out To Be Spanish, Not Mexican]]". |
| 513 | * {{Mockbuster}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/disneys-toy-tales-hits-theaters-friday,33419/ Disney's 'Toy Tales' Hits Theaters Friday]]". |
| 514 | * MoneyDearBoy: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nobel-fever-grips-research-community-as-prize-swel,306/ Nobel Fever Grips Research Community As Prize Swells To $190 Million]]". |
| 515 | * MoodWhiplash: |
| 516 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-bipartisan-law-would-make-dog-neckerchiefs-man,26301/ New Bipartisan Law Would Make Dog Neckerchiefs Mandatory]]". Everyone gushes about how cute they all are, and then you get to paragraph 15: |
| 517 | --->As of press time, an estimated 800,000 dogs had been euthanized for failing to comply with the new law. |
| 518 | ** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/person-who-will-one-day-become-warlordruler-of-wha,27406/ "Person Who Will One Day Become Warlord-Ruler Of What Was Once Nebraska Born In Omaha Hospital"]] swings wildly between "D'awww, look at his cute widdle fingers" and "...which he will form into an iron fist and crush all who dare to oppose him". |
| 519 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/u-s-army-now-just-chasing-single-remaining-isis-soldie-1833579619 U.S. Army Now Just Chasing Single Remaining ISIS Soldier Around Ruins Of Syrian Village]]" portrays the last remaining ISIS soldier as a whacky WesternAnimation/LooneyTunes-esque prankster, but ends with a sobering reminder of how many ISIS fighters are actually still at large. |
| 520 | * MoonLandingHoax: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/conspiracy-theorist-convinces-neil-armstrong-moon,2796/ Conspiracy Theorist Convinces Neil Armstrong Moon Landing Was Faked]]". Ironically, the story was reprinted by ''two'' Bangladesh newspapers[[note]]''The Daily Manab Zami'' and ''New Nation''[[/note]] [[PoesLaw as real news]]. |
| 521 | -->Added Armstrong, "I suppose it really was one small step for man, one giant lie for mankind." |
| 522 | * TheMoralSubstitute: [[http://www.latinospost.com/articles/12278/20130215/west-virginia-prof-bans-fox-news-source.htm This article explains]] that a West Virginia professor bans unreliable sources for papers. The first of them is Website/TheOnion, explaining that this is not news, but literally a parody. Then she explains the second source: |
| 523 | -->2) Fox News – The tagline "Fox News" makes me cringe. Please do not subject me to this biased news station. I would almost rather you print off an article from Website/TheOnion. |
| 524 | * MoreDakka: |
| 525 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-at-office-planning-shooting-spree-for-sam,30793/ Everyone At Office Planning Shooting Spree For Same Day]]". |
| 526 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ar15-assault-rifle-beginning-to-worry-it-may-never,31080/ AR-15 Assault Rifle Beginning To Worry It May Never Get To Kill Innocent Person]]". |
| 527 | * TheMorlocks: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/hundreds-blind-pallid-disney-characters-discovered-55609 Hundreds Of Blind, Pallid Disney Characters Discovered Living In Caves Deep Within Space Mountain]]". |
| 528 | * MostDefinitelyNotAVillain: [[http://www.theonion.com/video/cindy-mccain-claims-shes-just-like-any-other-femal,14282/ "Cindy McCain Claims She's 'Just Like Any Other Female Human'"]]: |
| 529 | -->Despite the media's portrayal of her, Cindy [=McCain=] says she is a down-to-earth person who enjoys breathing oxygen and consuming earth food for energy […] who loves her children with both her hearts […] but wonders why the man-creatures dare to doubt their masters. Just a normal person! |
| 530 | * {{MST}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/guy-in-audience-shouts-out-perfect-thing,19938 Guy In Audience Shouts Out Perfect Thing]]". |
| 531 | -->Audience members at Crossroads Cinema were treated to an unexpected delight Friday when someone in the crowd shouted out a hilarious thing at the exact right moment, sources reported. |
| 532 | * MultipleDemographicAppeal: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KV32uLQGFR8&feature=youtube_gdata Adults Go Wild Over Latest In Children's Picture Book Series]]". |
| 533 | * MundaneMadeAwesome: |
| 534 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/excited_red_sox_fans_eagerly_await Excited Red Sox Fans Eagerly Await Debut Of Matsuzaka's 'Ultimate Galactic Dragon Gyroball Pitch Power Explosion']]", complete with an "[[Anime/DragonBallZ Over Nine Thousand]]" reference. |
| 535 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU2SWgP9qao Police Seize More Than $50 In Wire From Nation's Wealthiest Crystal Meth Dealer]]". |
| 536 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/yard-sign-with-candidates-name-on-it-electrifies-c,18321/ Yard Sign With Candidate's Name On It Electrifies Congressional Race]]". |
| 537 | ** "''[[Film/LesMiserables2012 Les Misérables]]'' [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/les-miserables-takes-home-oscar-for-most-sound,31441/ Takes Home Oscar For Most Sound]]". |
| 538 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ceiling-fan-transforms-apartment-without-air-condi,33190/ Ceiling Fan Transforms Apartment Without Air Conditioning Into Frosty Wonderland]]". |
| 539 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2uqJ4xTx8k DEA Official Announces Successful Drug Bust On Son's Room]]". |
| 540 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCC7LuTQ_x0 Special Boy With Freakishly Large Brain Wins Spelling Bee]]", in which the hosts of ''Today Now!'' treat a child with an above-average ability like an autistic savant. |
| 541 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/opiuminspired-ad-executive-composes-epic-tums-jing,3137/ Opium-Inspired Ad Executive Composes Epic Tums Jingle]]". |
| 542 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/south-korean-president-eats-full-balanced-meal-in-show-1819580244 South Korean President Eats Full, Balanced Meal In Show Of Strength Against North]]". |
| 543 | * MundaneUtility: |
| 544 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41904 NASA Chief Under Fire For Personal Shuttle Use]]". |
| 545 | ** "[[UsefulNotes/{{NASCAR}} Jimmie Johnson]] [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/jimmie-johnson-disqualified-after-prerace-inspecti,28027/ Disqualified After Pre-Race Inspection Reveals Car To Be Airplane]]". |
| 546 | * MurderSimulators: |
| 547 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28732 Video-Game Violence Blamed In Giant-Robot Shooting Spree]]". |
| 548 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39131 Study Finds Cable-TV Violence Leads To Network-TV Violence]]". |
| 549 | * MusicIsPolitics: "[[https://entertainment.theonion.com/song-banged-out-in-half-hour-by-professional-songwriter-1834990574 Song Banged Out In Half Hour By Professional Songwriters To Define Teenager’s Personality For Next Two Years]]". |
| 550 | * MustHaveNicotine: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29141 Smoking Now Permitted Only In Special Room In Iowa]]". |
| 551 | * MyFriendsAndZoidberg: "[[https://www.theonion.com/barbara-bush-passes-away-surrounded-by-loved-ones-jeb-1825355144 Barbara Bush Passes Away Surrounded By Loved Ones, Jeb]]" |
| 552 | * MyGreatestFailure: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mall-justice-is-swift-and-harsh,10892 Mall Justice Is Swift And Harsh]]". |
| 553 | -->Thursday, November 3, 1995. Early afternoon. I have been working as a security guard at Clover Square Mall for two, maybe three months. The world is my oyster. I veer off my usual route and stop for a Mountain Dew at Mrs. Fields.\ |
| 554 | As I lean against the counter, shooting the breeze with Gail, I hear a distinctive clap-clap sound coming from the direction of Electronics Boutique. That sound can only mean one thing–running. Past Waldenbooks, Eddie Bauer, Lane Bryant and Sbarro run a young Caucasian male. Paul, the assistant manager of Electronics Boutique, is pursuing him. I give chase, but I am too late. The perpetrator has escaped with a brand-new copy of Madden '96.\ |
| 555 | YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THERE. I was young, damn it. YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED HIM. I am a human being, not a god. HE IS OUT THERE STILL. I don't know that. |
| 556 | * MysteryMagnet: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/two-dozen-more-bodies-found-in-lake-wobegon,2695/ Two Dozen More Bodies Found In Lake Wobegon]]". |
| 557 | * NWordPrivileges: "[[https://www.theonion.com/god-finally-gives-shout-out-back-to-all-his-niggaz-1819566159 God Finally Gives Shout-Out Back To All His Niggaz]]". |
| 558 | * {{Narm}}: {{Invoked|Trope}} with "Study: Children of Divorce Twice As Likely to Write Bad Poetry" (no longer available online but can be found in the book ''[[http://www.amazon.com/Dispatches-Tenth-Circle-Best-Onion/dp/0609808346 Dispatches from the Tenth Circle]]''). |
| 559 | * NaughtyUnderTheTable: Briefly referenced in [[http://www.theonion.com/video/space-under-boardroom-table-a-complex-web-of-feet--34099 this video]]: "Space Under Boardroom Table A Complex Web Of Feet Massaging Various Genitals." |
| 560 | * NeedleInAStackOfNeedles: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TiS3HaNhPU Thousands Of Girls Match Description Of Missing Sorority Sister]]". |
| 561 | * NegativeContinuity: The world of ''The Onion'' runs on this. For example, in [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/supreme-court-on-gay-marriage-sure-who-cares,31812/ this article]], the Supreme Court legalizes gay marriage. The very next day, they ran [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/supreme-court-justices-brought-to-tears-by-heartfe,31826/ an article]] saying the Court voted unanimously to uphold the Defense of Marriage Act. |
| 562 | * NetworkDecay: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39135 Learning Channel Switches to All-Gilligan Format]]". |
| 563 | * NeverMyFault: |
| 564 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/shitty-human-being-blames-decreased-daylight-this,18290/ Shitty Human Being Blames Decreased Daylight This Time]]". |
| 565 | --->"The lack of sunlight makes me cranky," said MacDougal, who in previous months has blamed the humidity, his favorite sports team losing, not getting enough sleep, and the "terrible" office coffee for making him a total, un-relenting asshole. |
| 566 | ** Part of Jean Teasdale's CloudCuckoolander act is her never accepting responsibility or blame for her faults, whether it's getting fired[[note]](she got caught using eBay -- on the boss's computer, no less -- and remains convinced that the boss just hated her)[[/note]] or her poor sense of humor[[note]](a friend declines to use Jean's jokes in a stand-up act because they're pithy and toothless, but Jean thinks the friend was threatened by the idea of a superior comic)[[/note]]. When a local magazine calls her article out for being garbage, she insists that they don't know what they're talking about -- [[HypocriticalHumor while doing]] ''[[HypocriticalHumor everything]]'' [[HypocriticalHumor that they said makes her articles garbage]]. |
| 567 | ** "[[https://local.theonion.com/girlfriend-dumped-after-valentine-candy-related-weight-1819568309 Girlfriend Dumped After Valentine Candy Related Weight Gain]]". After pressuring his girlfriend to eat the candy he gave her (which she then ate over the course of a week as they were snowed in and left unable to do her usual errands, like the gym), a boyfriend dumps the slim girl via ''[[DumpedViaTextMessage email]]'' for putting on somewhere between 3-5 pounds. |
| 568 | ** The infamous article "[[https://local.theonion.com/bully-can-t-believe-classmate-took-4-straight-years-of-1819577670 Bully Can't Believe Classmate Took 4 Straight Years of Being Told to Kill Herself to Heart]]" has the girl ''still'' [[SpeakIllOfTheDead badmouthing her dead classmate/victim]] and actually trying to trivialize the tragedy via this and JustJokingJustification. Worse is how even years after the fact is that it's plausible that the bully's empathy (or likely [[LackOfEmpathy lack thereof]], if going by the article) still won't truly allow her to accept responsibility for what she did or make any real amends (or stop her from doing it to someone else). |
| 569 | * NewTechnologyIsEvil: Kelly's cartoons often mock/demonize teenagers for using these, typically referring to the devices as "SOME GIZMO". Contrary to the intended message, it only makes Kelly himself look hopelessly behind the times -- he's [[http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/12356/KellyVHS_jpg_630x1200_upscale_q85.jpg bemoaned the fall of VHS]] in the past, and only embraced the DVD format when it began to concede to Blu-Ray. |
| 570 | * NiceGuy: |
| 571 | ** In "[[https://www.theonion.com/developmentally-disabled-burger-king-employee-only-comp-1819565891 Developmentally Disabled Burger King Employee Only Competent Worker]]", Andy Ehrman is courteous and helpful to the customers. He politely calls his coworkers out when he sees them doing something wrong, and is willing to do the work himself if they're too lazy to do anything. |
| 572 | ** In "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8d6cdcNKJRY&feature=youtu.be Friends Don't Understand How Man Not Depressed]]," Carl, the man in question, is described as "super nice" and remains friendly and sociable despite his low income and inability to get a girlfriend. |
| 573 | * NietzscheWannabe: |
| 574 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1feEqgRZQI Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life]]". |
| 575 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/existentialist-firefighter-delays-3-deaths,17500/ Existentialist Firefighter Delays 3 Deaths]]". |
| 576 | %%* NightmareFuelColoringBook: %%ZCE |
| 577 | %%** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJkWS4t4l0k Scientists Successfully Teach Gorilla It Will Die Someday]]". |
| 578 | %%** "[[https://assets2.onionstatic.com/onion/custom/trump-docs/scans/21-Childrens-Letters-To-The-President/21-Childrens_Letters_To_Trump_SCAN.pdf 21 Children's Letters to President Trump]]". |
| 579 | * NinjaPirateZombieRobot: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/hurriphoonado-cuts-swath-of-destruction-across-eas,2629/ Hurriphoonado Cuts Swath Of Destruction Across Eastern, Western Hemispheres]]". |
| 580 | * NippleAndDimed: The article "[[https://www.theonion.com/u-s-children-still-traumatized-one-year-after-seeing-p-1819567718 U.S. Children Still Traumatized One Year After Seeing Partially Exposed Breast On TV]]" satirizes the whole Janet Jackson thing and the question raised here. |
| 581 | * NoAnimalsWereHarmed: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/factoryfarmtotable-restaurant-proudly-serves-local,34673/ Factory-Farm-To-Table Restaurant Proudly Serves Locally Tortured Animals]]" |
| 582 | * NoCelebritiesWereHarmed: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-once-again-comes-under-sway-of-pinkfaced-ha,18076/ Nation Once Again Comes Under Sway Of Pink-Faced Half-Wit]]". |
| 583 | * NoHoldsBarredBeatdown: |
| 584 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/if-i-see-doug-im-going-to-kick-his-ass-vs-apparent,20359/ If I See Doug, I'm Going To Kick His Ass vs. Apparently Doug Is A Better Fighter Than I Thought]]". |
| 585 | --->Anyway, Doug began pounding fist after fist into my helpless, highly-unprepared-to-fight-him body. Gotta give credit to Doug here for putting so much force into my ribs that the blows not only caused me to gasp for air and writhe in pain, but broke my will to fight completely. Never in my life has my spirit been so low as when Doug started kicking me in the face with his steel-toed boots. |
| 586 | ** "[[https://local.theonion.com/five-or-six-dudes-jump-out-of-nowhere-and-just-start-wh-1819565638 Five Or Six Dudes Jump Out of Nowhere And Just Start Whaling on This One Guy]]". |
| 587 | * NoIndoorVoice: |
| 588 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-enjoy-yelling-things,10821/ I Enjoy Yelling Things]]". |
| 589 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ogM0aDe2Pc BREAKING: Incomprehensible Shouting Named Official U.S. Language]]". |
| 590 | * NonIndicativeName: In "[[https://youtu.be/qXD9HnrNrvk Expert Wasted Entire Life Studying Anteaters]]", the interviewer asks what the anteater's Venezuelan name means, and the expert says, "catcher of ants." After an awkward pause, the inteviewer points out that he finds it interesting that anteaters don't eat ants. |
| 591 | * NoodleIncident: |
| 592 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/there-should-be-no-secrets-in-our-relationship-exc,11524/ There Should Be No Secrets In Our Relationship Excluding The Events Of March 2, 2004]]". |
| 593 | ** Semi-regular columnist [[TheSpymaster Dept. Head Rawlings]] makes frequent reference to "[[MyGreatestFailure the Barcelona debacle]]" in his articles. |
| 594 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-onion-urges-barack-obama-to-come-clean-about-t,32466/ The Onion Urges Barack Obama To Come Clean About The Basilisk Project]]". |
| 595 | * NoOSHACompliance: |
| 596 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/un-orders-wonka-to-submit-to-chocolate-factory-ins,5/ U.N. Orders]] [[Film/WillyWonkaAndTheChocolateFactory Willy Wonka]] [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/un-orders-wonka-to-submit-to-chocolate-factory-ins,5/ To Submit To Chocolate Factory Inspections]]". |
| 597 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nascar-to-discontinue-having-kids-rush-onto-track,28482/ NASCAR To Discontinue Having Kids Rush Onto Track To Wipe Up Skid Marks During Races]]". |
| 598 | ** "[[https://entertainment.theonion.com/video-game-characters-denounce-randomly-placed-swinging-1819565686 Video Game Characters Denounce Randomly Placed Swinging Blades]]". |
| 599 | * NoPartyLikeADonnerParty: PlayedForLaughs in "[[https://www.theonion.com/in-retrospect-i-guess-we-might-have-resorted-to-cannib-1819583474 In Retrospect, I Guess We Might Have Resorted To Cannibalism A Bit Early]]", where five people stuck in an elevator kill and cannibalize a sixth -- less than an hour after gettting stuck. |
| 600 | * NoProductSafetyStandards: Has a few parodies of this, such as one video where a [[http://www.theonion.com/video/manufacturer-recalls-hollow-point-bullets-that-fai,14319/ munitions manufacturer apologized]] for hollow-point rounds not exploding properly, with [[BlackComedy animations showing]] the problem. |
| 601 | * NostalgiaFilter: |
| 602 | ** Mocked InUniverse with "10 Things That Will Make You SUPER Nostalgic for The '90s", a 2013 slideshow with real photos of such great things as the Rwandan genocide, the fiery end of the Waco siege, the Oklahoma City bombing, and UsefulNotes/{{Columbine}}. And Creator/AlanAlda, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking for some reason]]. |
| 603 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PnNBLWA-Sk Red Sox Announce Plans To Return Fenway To Original 1912 Conditions]]". |
| 604 | * NoSuchThingAsBadPublicity: In-universe with "[[https://politics.theonion.com/bloomberg-campaign-raises-visibility-by-pumping-5-mill-1841607899 Bloomberg Campaign Raises Visibility By Pumping $5 Million Into #BloombergIsRacist Hashtag]]". |
| 605 | * NoTalkingOrPhonesWarning: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/vehement-anticellphone-guy-finally-caves,1777/ Vehement Anti-Cell-Phone Guy Finally Caves]]". |
| 606 | * NuclearMutant: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/46035 We Must Expand Our Nuclear Power Program If We're To Realize Our Dream Of Superhero Mutants]]". |
| 607 | * ObsessiveSpokesperson: Parodied in an article introducing a violent UsefulNotes/McDonalds mascot, "The Hammurderer." The article mentions another (fictional) recalled character, "Shakes [=McJunkie=]," who was so [[GRatedDrug addicted to McDonald's shakes]] that he committed robberies just to get money for shakes. This mascot was apparently retooled into "The Machead" who used "panhandling and gay prostitution" to fund his burger addiction. |
| 608 | * OffToSeeTheWizard: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/sitcom-resorts-to-wizard-of-ozthemed-fantasy-episo,3532/ Sitcom Resorts To 'Wizard Of Oz'-Themed Fantasy Episode]]". |
| 609 | * OffWithHisHead: |
| 610 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/white-house-jester-beheaded-for-making-fun-of-soar,17495/ White House Jester Beheaded For Making Fun Of Soaring National Debt]]". |
| 611 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/ohio-replaces-lethal-injection-with-humane-new-hea,36077/ Ohio Replaces Lethal Injection With Humane New Head-Ripping-Off Machine]]". |
| 612 | * OldShame: In-universe, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29964 Energy Secretary Just Assumed Cabinet Knew He Did Porn Films In The '80s]]". |
| 613 | * OnceDoneNeverForgotten: |
| 614 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/everyone-still-remembers-time-you-threw-up-in-5th--17291 Everyone Still Remembers Time You Threw Up In 5th Grade]]". |
| 615 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GL3E4NhE5ME Man Who Shit Pants In Grade School Awarded Purple Heart]]". |
| 616 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-who-got-shit-together-5-years-ago-still-viewed,30926/ Man Who Got Shit Together 5 Years Ago Still Viewed As Lovable Fuckup By Friends, Family]]". |
| 617 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/all-of-mans-accomplishments-overshadowed-by-hefty--37886 All Of Man's Accomplishments Overshadowed By Hefty Birth Weight]]". |
| 618 | * OnlySaneEmployee: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28779 Developmentally Disabled Burger King Employee Only Competent Worker]]". |
| 619 | * OnlySixFaces: |
| 620 | ** The ''American Voices'' feature has been showing the same six or so photos for over a decade, with different names and occupations each time (though one of them is often a systems analyst). |
| 621 | ** Ambiguously used in the similar sports feature ''Fan on the Street'', which always shows the same three photos with [[NoNameGiven no names or occupations given]]. Lampshaded by ''The Onion'' itself [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/on-tiger-woods-victory-at-bay-hill,27808/ here]]. |
| 622 | * OpinionMyopia: In-universe. Stan Kelly, the fictional creator of ''The Onion''[='s=] parodic political cartoons, refuses to accept that people might differ from him in aeshetics or opinion on even the most trivial subject without being moral degenerates. One cartoon, for instance, is dedicated entirely to lambasting modern sickos for their anti-American and freedom-hating habit of... eating wraps instead of sandwiches. |
| 623 | %%-->"[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-who-enjoys-thing-informed-he-is-wrong,7057/ Man Who Enjoys Thing Informed He Is Wrong]]". |
| 624 | * OrganicTechnology: |
| 625 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8du60e0ANuE&feature=channel Guatemalan Flight's Data-Recording Parrot May Hold Clues To The Crash]]". |
| 626 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/interim-apple-chief-under-fire-after-unveiling-gro,19111/ Interim Apple Chief Under Fire After Unveiling Grotesque New MacBook]]". |
| 627 | * OurSloganIsTerrible: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-small-n-flaccid-ad-campaign-least-successful-e,968/ New 'Small 'n' Flaccid' Ad Campaign Least Successful Ever]]". |
| 628 | * OutdoorBathPeeping: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/relationship-experts-recommend-single-women-try-ba-51831 Relationship Experts Recommend Single Women Try Bathing In Open Stream Until Suitor Glimpses Them Through Trees]]". |
| 629 | * OverlyLongGag: |
| 630 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-hobbit-to-feature-53minutelong-scene-of-bilbo,30727/ 'The Hobbit' To Feature 53-Minute-Long Scene Of Bilbo Baggins Trying To Figure Out What To Pack]]". |
| 631 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/opiuminspired-ad-executive-composes-epic-tums-jing,3137/ Opium-Inspired Ad Executive Composes Epic Tums Jingle]]". |
| 632 | * OverlyNarrowSuperlative: According to "[[http://www.theonion.com/infographic/best-sports-stadiums-56124 Best Sports Stadiums]]", "[[UsefulNotes/PowerFiveConferences Michigan Stadium]] has been selected by ''The Saginaw News'' as the best 100,000-plus-seat venue in Washtenaw County for 13 consecutive years." |
| 633 | * OverlyStereotypicalDisguise: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPjsoYfTxj4 Reporter Goes Undercover In Chinatown By Wearing Silk Robe]]" sees the undercover reporter putting on YellowFace, a [[AllAsiansWearConicalStrawHats conical straw hat]], fake [[AsianBuckTeeth buck teeth]], and speaking in [[AsianSpeekeeEngrish broken English]] in the belief that it will help him blend in with the population of Chinatown and allow him to infiltrate a counterfeit ring. Much to his genuine confusion, people refuse to speak to him and multiple store owners [[GetOut tell him to leave]], in either English or Cantonese. |
| 634 | * PantyThief: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30461 Six Dead In West Point Panty Raid"]]. |
| 635 | * ParentalObliviousness: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-hope-my-baby-doesnt-come-out-all-fuckedup-and-sh,10917/ I Hope My Baby Doesn't Come Out All Fucked-Up And Shit]]". |
| 636 | * ParentingTheHusband: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-girlfriend-boyfriend-achieve-perfect-motherso,2714/ Area Girlfriend, Boyfriend Achieve Perfect Mother-Son Relationship]]". |
| 637 | * ParodyProductPlacement: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/32002 Spider-Man Distracts Dr. Octopus With Delicious]] Advertising/HostessFruitPies". |
| 638 | * APartyAlsoKnownAsAnOrgy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-fed-grapes-while-urging-press-conference-to,32540/ Obama Fed Grapes While Urging Press Conference To Enjoy Orgy]]". |
| 639 | * PayEvilUntoEvil: In "[[https://www.theonion.com/ask-the-minutes-from-a-heated-kiwanis-club-meeting-1819583825 Ask The Minutes From A Heated Kiwanis Club Meeting]]", normally, assaulting a fellow Kiwanis Club official would be completely unacceptable, but not only is Treasurer Bill Jarvis an irresonsible, chronically absentee [[TheAlcoholic alcoholic]], but he'd just responded to being called an "asshole" by bringing up how fellow member Roger Lambert's wife was DrivenToSuicide three years ago. When Lambert starts punching Jarvis, the board holds a motion on whether to stop him, and it's defeated 16-2. |
| 640 | * PedophilePriest: |
| 641 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/biblical-scholars-find-evidence-church-covered-up-for-3-1828360686?utm_source=TheOnion_Daily_RSS&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=&utm_term= Biblical Scholars Find Evidence Church Covered Up For 3 Wise Men Who Molested Baby Jesus]]". |
| 642 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/uk-cardinal-resigns-in-wake-ofget-thissex-abuse-al,31443/ U.K. Cardinal Resigns In Wake Of—Get This—Sex Abuse Allegations]]". |
| 643 | * PeoplesRepublicOfTyranny: In "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-declares-self-president-for-life,191/ Clinton Declares Self President For Life]]", Clinton renames the US to the "Holy United Imperial Americlintonian Demopublic" -- right after naming himself President-for-Life and invalidating all election results. |
| 644 | * PeripheryDemographic: In-universe. |
| 645 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28009 Children, Creepy Middle-Aged Weirdos Swept Up In 'Harry Potter' Craze]]". |
| 646 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/man_not_belonging_to_movies?utm_source=a-section Man Not Belonging To Movie's Target Demographic Escorted From Theater By Hollywood Officials]]". |
| 647 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KV32uLQGFR8 Adults Go Wild Over Latest In Children's Picture Book Series]]". |
| 648 | * PerverseSexualLust: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmmAdbDF1xA FCC Okays Nudity On TV If It's Alyson Hannigan]]" |
| 649 | * PhotographicMemory: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-can-remember-exactly-where-he-was-what-he,34647/ Area Man Can Remember Exactly Where He Was, What He Was Doing When He Assassinated John F. Kennedy]]". |
| 650 | * PhotoshopFilterOfEvil: This cheap trick is spoofed among many other examples of ManipulativeEditing in the manufactured satirical crime story "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/crime-reporter-man-had-sex-with-wife-thousands-of--14395 Man Had Sex With Wife Thousands Of Times Before Killing Her]]". |
| 651 | * PieInTheFace: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/study-finds-link-between-being-struck-by-cream-pie-2370 Study Finds Link Between Being Struck By Cream Pie, Diminished Social Standing]]". |
| 652 | * PlausibleDeniability: "[[https://politics.theonion.com/paul-ryan-announces-new-congress-sexual-harassment-trai-1820545075 Paul Ryan Announces New Congress Sexual Harassment Training Will Create Safe Work Atmosphere, Plausible Deniability]]". |
| 653 | * PleaseWakeUp: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/daddy_put_in_bye_bye_box Daddy Put In Bye-Bye Box]]". |
| 654 | * PlotHole: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/hollywood-maintenance-crews-sent-out-to-patch-up-f,35641/ Hollywood Maintenance Crews Sent Out To Patch Up Film Industry’s Plotholes]]". |
| 655 | * PoesLaw: |
| 656 | ** Many, many times, some articles have been mistaken for legitimate ones. "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/republicans-vote-to-repeal-obamabacked-bill-that-w,19025/ Republicans Vote To Repeal Obama-Backed Bill That Would Destroy Asteroid Headed For Earth]]" actually provoked [[http://volokh.com/2011/02/15/asteroid-defense-and-libertarianism/ a Libertarian blogger]] to agree. |
| 657 | ** The most famous example, arguably, is the Chinese newspaper falling for the story about Congress threatening to leave Washington D.C. unless a better building was built (a parody of threats made by sports teams to relocate unless they received a new stadium). The one about Harry Potter sparking a rise in witchcraft, as well as the video about the boy bankrupting the Make-A-Wish Foundation with infinite wishes, have shown up in some email forwards. |
| 658 | ** The staff at [[http://www.mediaite.com/online/foxnation-com-repurposes-anti-obama-article-from-the-onion-forgets-to-mention-its-a-joke Fox Nation.com]] repurposed an anti-Obama article seriously, not acknowledging the original was a joke. |
| 659 | ** [[http://literallyunbelievable.tumblr.com/ This site]] archives Facebook reactions treating the articles as real, and [[https://www.reddit.com/r/AteTheOnion/ likewise this subreddit]]. |
| 660 | * PokingDeadThingsWithAStick: The article [[https://www.theonion.com/poke-with-stick-confirms-raccoons-death-1819569854 "Poke with Stick Confirms Raccoon's Death"]] -- two brothers, ages 9 and 11, obtain conclusive proof that they have found a dead raccoon after prodding it several times with a stick after earlier tests involving throwing rocks and an empty soda can yielded no results. |
| 661 | * PoliceAreUseless: "[[https://www.theonion.com/entire-u-s-police-force-flees-country-after-hearing-gu-1848981784 Entire U.S. Police Force Flees Country After Hearing Gunman Inside Nation]]". |
| 662 | * PoliticalCartoons: Since 2006, ''The Onion'' has published an ongoing series of over-the-top editorial cartoons, drawn by artist Ward Sutton in the fictional persona of grouchy old right-wing crank Stan Kelly. Most of them feature the usual clichéd devices of the format as running gags -- the Art/StatueOfLiberty weeping profusely, Kelly at his drawing board muttering a cynical pun in the corner. (A number have nothing to do with politics whatsoever, instead serving as a soapbox for Kelly to gripe about his lousy ex-wife, "today's messed-up teens", and the police officers who keep pulling him over for driving drunk.)[[note]]Due to the dead-on satirical nature, and how the source isn't immediately obvious in most of the cartoons, it's also one of the features most easily confused as being real.[[/note]] |
| 663 | * PoliticalOvercorrectness: |
| 664 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/parents-dedicate-new-college-safe-space-honor-daug-50851 Parents Dedicate New College Safe Space In Honor Of Daughter Who Felt Weird In Class Once]]". |
| 665 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOHABYhZ7a8 Man Attempts To Assassinate Obama, 'But Not Because He's Black Or Anything']]". The video details how the man, despite being an attempted murderer, tries to go out of his way to not have the murder come across as racially motivated -- culminating in him settling on shooting Obama with a crossbow with the bolt having the names of great Black historical figures written on it, while wearing a dashiki and kufi and blasting soul music in a nearby car. |
| 666 | * PopularityPolynomial: In-universe, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28763 Lava Lamps Revert From Passé Retro Kitsch Back To Novel Retro Camp]]". |
| 667 | * PottyFailure: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-september-25-2012,29686/ The Capricorn of this horoscope list.]] |
| 668 | -->A car accident awaits you in the coming days, which is unfortunate, [[BaitAndSwitchComment as it's the kind that involves too many Mountain Dews and not enough gas stations]]. |
| 669 | * PrecisionFStrike: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/playboy-centerfold-has-big-dreams-tits,1019/ Playboy Centerfold Has Big Dreams, Tits]]". |
| 670 | * PresidentEvil: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/obama-help-us-destroy-jesus-and-start-a-new-age-of-29478/ Obama: Help Us Destroy Jesus And Start A New Age Of Liberal Darkness]]". |
| 671 | * PresidentForLife: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-declares-self-president-for-life,191/ Clinton Declares Self President For Life]]," complete with CommissarCap and ChestOfMedals. |
| 672 | * PrettyFlyForAWhiteGuy: [[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/herbert-kornfeld,1019/ Herbert Kornfeld]], Accounts Receivable. |
| 673 | -->'''Kornfeld:''' 'Cause I keep my fly shit on my desk. I gots my dope spreadsheets, my hangin' file folders, my delinquent-account file, my paper clips, my Post-It note dispenser, my monthly desk planner, my Midstate Office Supply business cards, my four-color ball-point pen, my motherfuckin' dot-matrix printer address labels, and my stoopid-fresh three-hole punch. Not to mention my computer. I swear, if I see any of y'all within three feet of my computer, I'll put a Creator/LeeVanCleef on your bitch ass. I'll come at you like a ''mother fuck''. |
| 674 | %%** Not all that fly. Kornfeld was a big fan of Music/{{Chicago|Band}}. |
| 675 | * ProWrestlingIsReal: Inverted. [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x83M3_RdbJY According to this video]], it's the fans that are fake, not necessarily the wrestlers. |
| 676 | * ProductPlacement: |
| 677 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEFL4mZa8ys Should More Americans Get In On The EZ-Go Juicer Craze?]]" |
| 678 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyPyzNuApH4 Peter Jackson's 'The Hobbit' Stays Faithful To Original Book, Denny's Menu]]". |
| 679 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nascar-to-abandon-racing-portion-of-business-conce,17820/ NASCAR To Abandon Racing Portion Of Business, Concentrate On Ads]]". |
| 680 | * ProfessionalWrestling: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28666 Vince [=McMahon=]'s X-SPAN Promises Bone-Crunching Legislative Coverage]]". |
| 681 | * {{Pyromaniac}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/2015/slideshow/most-glorious-flames-2015-51921 Top Ten Most Glorious Flames Of 2015]]". |
| 682 | %%* ProperlyParanoid: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/paranoid-syrian-man-thinks-government-out-to-get-h,31070/ Paranoid Syrian Man Thinks Government Out To Get Him]]". %%Is there any evidence for how this is ''proper'' and not improper paranoia? |
| 683 | * PublicMediumIgnorance: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG2OcW_Hwkg NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: Drive Fast]]". |
| 684 | * PutOnABusToHell: Jim Anchower hasn't been heard from since 2012, [[http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/anchowers-gotta-spend-some-time-away-28695 when he was arrested and sentenced to six months in jail]]. |
| 685 | [[/folder]] |
| 686 | |
| 687 | [[folder:Q-T]] |
| 688 | * QuantumMechanicsCanDoAnything: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sci_fi_writer_attributes?utm_source=a-section Sci-fi Writer Attributes Everything Mysterious To 'Quantum Flux']]". |
| 689 | * RaisedByWolves: Parodied in the ''Onion News Network'' video "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPJtg_-PtDQ Girl Raised From Birth By Wolf Blitzer Taken Into Protective Custody]]". The girl in question is a half-human, half-Wolf Blitzer who always wears pressed suits and slicked-back hair, talks in a stilted news-anchor voice, and is calmed by the use of a lint roller. |
| 690 | * RashomonStyle: Point/Counterpoint, particularly "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/european-men-are-so-much-more-romantic-than-americ,11552/ European Men Are So Much More Romantic Than American Men vs. American Women Studying In Europe Are Unbelievably Easy]]". |
| 691 | * RaceForYourLove: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/man-running-toward-departing-train-must-have-final-56343 Man Running Toward Departing Train Must Have Finally Realized He Loves Her]]". |
| 692 | * RealDreamsAreWeirder: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sg0nYhUB7CA Chef Cooks 'Dream Omelette' That Came To Him In A Dream]]". |
| 693 | * RealMenWearPink: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-texasstyle-yogurt-to-feed-mansize-hunger-for-y,2422/ New Texas-Style Yogurt To Feed Man-Size Hunger For Yogurt]]". |
| 694 | * RealityIsUnrealistic: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/muscleman-put-in-charge-of-worlds-fifthlargest-eco,877/ Muscleman Put In Charge Of World's Fifth-Largest Economy]]" is a perfectly accurate depiction of fact, just with an unusual tone. |
| 695 | -->Political observers are struggling to understand exactly how, on Oct. 7, [[spoiler:Arnold Schwarzenegger, an Austrian-born, movie-star]] muscleman with no political experience, was elected to govern [[spoiler:the state of California]], the world's fifth-largest economic region. |
| 696 | * ReallyGetsAround: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/towns-teenpregnancy-spike-due-to-one-impressive-yo,19275/ Town's Teen Pregnancy Spike Due To One Impressive Youth]]". |
| 697 | * TheReasonYouSuckSpeech: |
| 698 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-study-finds-it-is-impossible-to-lose-weight-no,32770/ New Study Finds It Is Impossible To Lose Weight, No One Has Ever Done It, And Those Who Are Trying Should Give Up]]". |
| 699 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/going-out-of-business-sign-thanks-neighborhood-for-36627 Going-Out-Of-Business Sign Thanks Neighborhood For 3 Months Of No Support Whatsoever]]". |
| 700 | * RecklessGunUsage: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/8yearold-accidentally-exercises-second-amendment-r,725/ "8-Year-Old Accidentally Exercises Second Amendment Rights"]]. |
| 701 | * RecursiveReality: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/physicists-discover-our-universe-is-fictional-sett,28429/ Physicists Discover Our Universe Is Fictional Setting Of Cop Show Called 'Hard Case]]". |
| 702 | * RedScare: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ussr-wins-space-race-as-us-shuts-down-shuttle-prog,21007/ USSR Wins Space Race As U.S. Shuts Down Shuttle Program]]". |
| 703 | * RefugeInAudacity: |
| 704 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mexico-killed-in-drug-deal,18109/ Mexico Killed In Drug Deal]]". |
| 705 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/they-can-never-take-away-my-memories,29877/ They Can Never Take Away My Memories]]", by Jerry Sandusky. |
| 706 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/arizona-man-steals-bushs-identity-vetoes-bill-meet,1324/ Arizona Man Steals Bush's Identity, Vetoes Bill, Meets With Mexican President]]". |
| 707 | * ReleasedToElsewhere: |
| 708 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34174 We Gave Rex To A Nice Farm Family vs. They Had Me Put To Sleep At The Vet]]". |
| 709 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/packers_tell_fans_they_gave_favre Packers Tell Fans They Gave Favre to a Nice Farm Family]]". |
| 710 | ** Subverted at the end of "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/fire-consumes-big-happy-farm-where-families-send-s,20641/ Fire Consumes Big Happy Farm Where Families Send Sick Dogs To Run Free And Play]]": |
| 711 | --->"To be honest, we'll probably spare everyone the grisly details and just say we were forced to euthanize them." |
| 712 | * RemarriedToTheMistress: The premise of the "[[https://local.theonion.com/new-mommy-a-lot-prettier-1819565481 New Mommy A Lot Prettier]]" article. More disturbingly, the children start to prefer her over their own mother, in spite of them being kicked out of their large home to go live with their mother in a small apartment, their father [[DisneylandDad using gifts to help win them over]], and the implication that both him and their stepmother [[ParentalNeglect don't actually parent either child]] as evident from them having no set bedtime and the lack of concern about the son's asthma medication. |
| 713 | * RepressedMemories: One of the Jean Teasdale articles from ''Finest News Reporting'' shows that she repressed a memory of being sexually abused by a bully while in Catholic school; it comes back when she's watching ''The Rosie O'Donnell Show'' because Rosie reminds her of the bully, and results in her [[ShootTheTelevision throwing a Precious Moments figure at the TV]] (she misses). |
| 714 | * RepurposedPopSong: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38780 Song About Heroin Used To Advertise Bank]]". |
| 715 | * ReroutedFromHeaven: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/mother-teresa-sent-to-hell-in-wacky-afterlife-mixu,973/ Mother Teresa Sent to Hell in Wacky Afterlife Mix-Up]]". |
| 716 | * RetailRiot: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/42-million-dead-in-bloodiest-black-friday-weekend,30517/ 42 Million Dead In Bloodiest Black Friday Weekend On Record]]". |
| 717 | * RetGone: "[[https://www.theonion.com/report-decision-to-read-this-headline-has-erased-futur-1827136425 Report: Decision To Read This Headline Has Erased Future Daughter 'Emily' In All Possible Timelines]]". |
| 718 | * RoadTripPlot: Over the summer of 2017, [[UnsympatheticComedyProtagonist Stan Kelly]] was stuck on one with his son, daughter-in-law, and grandchildren. He hated virtually all of it and, whether as a side-effect of his perpetual curmudgeonly attitude or due to other circumstances, [[spoiler:it ended in his son's marriage collapsing and Stan fleeing early on a plane]]. |
| 719 | * {{Robosexual}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/ford-assembly-line-foreman-thinking-about-asking-o,28362/ Ford Assembly Line Foreman Thinking About Asking Out Cute Welding Robot From Work]]". |
| 720 | * RoboticReveal: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/new-study-finds-best-way-determine-if-you-are-andr-56253 New Study Finds Best Way To Determine If You Are Android Still Cutting Open Forearm To Reveal Circuitry Within]]". |
| 721 | * RoomFullOfCrazy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/melania-trump-stumbles-upon-dozens-husbands-haunti-53516 Melania Trump Stumbles Upon Dozens Of Husband’s Haunting, Macabre Self-Portraits]]". |
| 722 | * RousingSpeech: Attempted in "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/scrappy-band-of-lovable-misfits-no-match-for-rich,179/ Scrappy Band Of Lovable Misfits No Match For Rich Kids]]", but, like all the other tactics the kids use to save their camp, [[SurprisinglyRealisticOutcome it fails]]. |
| 723 | * RubberForeheadAliens: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/32439 Star Trek Introduces Alien Character With Totally Different Forehead Wrinkles]]". |
| 724 | * RubeGoldbergMachine: "[[https://www.theonion.com/hot-wheels-ranked-number-one-toy-for-rolling-down-ramp-1835732595 Hot Wheels Ranked Number One Toy For Rolling Down Ramp, Knocking Over Dominoes That Send Marble Down A Funnel, Dropping Onto Teeter-Totter That Yanks On String, Causing Pulley System To Raise Wooden Block, Propelling Series Of Twine Rollers That Unwind Spring, Launching Tennis Ball Across Room, Inching Tire Down Slope Until It Hits Power Switch, Activating Table Fan That Blows Toy Ship With Nail Attached To It Across Kiddie Pool, Popping Water Balloon That Fills Cup, Weighing Down Lever That Forces Basketball Down Track, Nudging Broomstick On Axis To Rotate, Allowing Golf Ball To Roll Into Sideways Coffee Mug, Which Tumbles Down Row Of Hardcover Books Until Handle Catches Hook Attached To Lever That Causes Wooden Mallet To Slam Down On Serving Spoon, Catapulting Small Ball Into Cup Attached By Ribbon To Lazy Susan, Which Spins Until It Pushes D Battery Down Incline Plane, Tipping Over Salt Shaker To Season Omelet]]" |
| 725 | * RuleOfCool: |
| 726 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-demands-tax-dollars-only-be-wasted-on-stuff,17704/ Nation Demands Tax Dollars Only Be Wasted On Stuff That's Awesome]]". |
| 727 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hyph_DZa_GQ Supreme Court: Death Penalty Is 'Totally Badass']]". |
| 728 | * RunningGag: |
| 729 | ** When the print versions need to fill a small space, they put in a small article with nothing but the repeated phrase "Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood." (which also [[ItMakesSenseInContext appears in context]] during "[[https://local.theonion.com/blood-blood-everywhere-1819569736 Blood... Blood Everywhere]]"). In ''Ad Nauseam'', these instances are accompanied by completely off-the-wall "quotes" like "I'm thinking about getting into self-mutilation" or "Congress must be so stoned to come up with all those cool laws." |
| 730 | ** Recurring article types include "[Corporation] scientists discover [related discovery]", among others. In the sports section, any article about Tim Duncan will make fun of how bland he is. |
| 731 | ** Clifford Banes has [[TheGhost never actually appeared]] in his self-titled panel-discussion series ''In the Know with Clifford Banes''; there's always a sit-in newscaster who gives an absurd reason for Banes' absence. The only time he did show up, he wore [[LatexPerfection a perfect latex Julianna McKennis mask]]. |
| 732 | ** In the Stan Kelly PoliticalCartoons: |
| 733 | *** The Art/StatueOfLiberty crying. |
| 734 | *** Kelly being an avid fan of ''Series/StarTrekTheOriginalSeries'', [[FanDumb the kind]] who hates Creator/JJAbrams with a passion. [[invoked]] |
| 735 | *** Kelly's massive case of professional envy towards the late Charles Schulz, the creator of ''ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}}'', consistently describing him as an "overrated, talentless hack" and always depicting him as burning in FireAndBrimstoneHell. |
| 736 | ** According to ''Our Dumb World'', every single African country has at least one resident named Mtumbe Ngoube. |
| 737 | ** All the UsefulNotes/GeorgeWBush injury articles (see ButtMonkey and TakeThat) end with "Bush is resting comfortably at Bethesda Naval Hospital." |
| 738 | ** "This Week In History" always includes Professor Timothy Hendry sidetracking into a long rant. After he apparently killed colleague Eric Kaufman, he started in on some daddy issues instead. After that, he started arguing about payment with the hosts. |
| 739 | ** Dr. Eli Wasserbaum is a recurring "expert" quoted in many articles. |
| 740 | ** Music/TaylorSwift's dating life, which thus far has included ''ComicStrip/{{Garfield}}'' creator Jim Davis, Senator UsefulNotes/JosephMcCarthy, Suri Cruise, James Holmes, the winner of a "Win a Date with Taylor Swift" contest (which she wrote a scathing hit breakup song about), Christopher Dorner (who she got back together with after he was killed), the Watertown boat Dzokhar Tsarnaev was found in, an AlternateUniverse bodybuilder Music/GeorgeHarrison, and the Mars Curiosity rover. |
| 741 | ** A photo of Creator/AlanAlda keeps showing up in slideshows. |
| 742 | ** Some politicians are portrayed as leading lives completely different than what they actually do, i.e. Joe Biden (until 2020) was a party-hearty CoolOldGuy, while John Kerry tends to be right in the middle of an action movie. |
| 743 | ** In a very dark running gag, the site has run different articles all titled "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-36131 'No Way To Prevent This,' Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens]]" whenever a mass shooting happens in the United States, with most of the text being copied and pasted from the previous article, just swapping out the details of the tragedy. To date, they've done more than ten of these with Website/TheOtherWiki compiling a [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%27No_Way_To_Prevent_This,%27_Says_Only_Nation_Where_This_Regularly_Happens list of each time the article was published.]] |
| 744 | * RuthlessModernPirates: Fake political cartoonist Kelly did a panel about these at the end of October 2013, not long after the release of ''Film/CaptainPhillips''... but it presents them in a ''positive'' light, labeling them "Today's Swashbucklers" for carrying on the tradition set by Blackbeard, [[Franchise/PiratesOfTheCaribbean Captain Jack Sparrow]], and Captain Morgan, suggesting that all he knows about piracy then and now comes from romanticized fiction and/or PopCulturalOsmosis (Sir Henry Morgan is mostly known in the 2000s as the namesake of a brand of rum). |
| 745 | * SadisticChoice: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/so-whats-it-going-to-be,33662/ So, What's It Going To Be?]]" |
| 746 | -->If you don't do anything about it, thousands of Syrians are going to die. If you do something about it, thousands of Syrians are going to die. Morally speaking, you're on the hook for those deaths no matter how you look at it.\ |
| 747 | So, it's your move, America. What's it going to be? |
| 748 | * SaltTheEarth: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/snuggle-marketers-kill-18-34-demographic-rather-le-56176 Snuggle Marketers Kill Off 18-34 Demographic Rather Than Let It Fall Into Hands Of Competitor]]". |
| 749 | * {{Sampling}}: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-rappers-down-to-last-two-samples,793/ Nation's Rappers Down to Last Two Samples]]". |
| 750 | * SamusIsAGirl: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31739 Hotshot Test Pilot Removes Helmet, Reveals Female Status]]". |
| 751 | * SanityBall: The various recurring guests and hosts on ''In The Know'' take turns holding this between different segments and being the OnlySaneMan [[SurroundedByIdiots with any actual knowledge regarding the issue]]. In other segments though ''everyone'' is equally uninformed and holding the IdiotBall. |
| 752 | %%* SanitySlippage: Happens to Jim Haggerty in ''WebVideo/PorkinAcrossAmerica'' and the ''Sex House'' contestants as each series progresses. |
| 753 | * SantasExistenceClause: "[[https://www.theonion.com/sitcom-characters-still-in-shock-after-christmas-episod-1819574259 Sitcom Characters Still In Shock After Christmas Episode Proves Existence Of Santa Claus]]", which features Frankie and Mike Heck from ''Series/TheMiddle'' suffering a severe existential crisis in the aftermath of an end-of-episode tease that Santa is RealAfterAll. |
| 754 | * SapientCetaceans: Parodied this with the article "[[https://www.theonion.com/dolphins-evolve-opposable-thumbs-1819565718 Dolphins Evolve Opposable Thumbs: 'Oh, Shit,' Says Humanity]]". The article is then filled with stories of the Dolphins' incredibly rapid technology development, and marine biologists committing suicide or preparing to serve the Dolphin overlords. |
| 755 | * SarcasmFailure: Although most articles by ''The Onion'' are written as satire, a few are technically accurate news accounts. |
| 756 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/muscleman-put-in-charge-of-worlds-fifthlargest-eco,877/ Muscleman Put In Charge Of World's Fifth-Largest Economy]]", filled with legit facts and news due to being so unbelievable at the time. |
| 757 | ** For the Mayweather/Pacquiao fight, ''The Onion'' wrote the technically completely accurate "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/report-philippines-citizens-currently-watching-the-50330 Philippines Citizens Currently Watching Their Congressman Fight A Guy On TV]]" |
| 758 | ** The more serious version of this trope, pertaining to American healthcare, could be found in "[[http://www.theonion.com/infographic/tips-not-condemning-millions-americans-sickness-an-55935 Tips For Not Condemning Millions Of Americans To Sickness And Death]]", notable for the usual irreverence being absent. |
| 759 | %%* SaveOurStudents: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39341 Naive Teacher Believes in Her Students]]". %%ZCE + link no longer works |
| 760 | * SawStarWarsTwentySevenTimes: |
| 761 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-takes-leave-of-office-to-stand-in-line-for,743/ Clinton Takes Leave Of Office To Stand In Line For 'Star Wars: Episode I']]" written during the [[UsefulNotes/BillClinton Clinton administration]] mentions the President planning to see ''Film/ThePhantomMenace'' at least twenty times during its opening weekend, after which he will return to his office and follow a once-a-day viewing schedule. |
| 762 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-googles-matt-damons-address-because-well-hes-c,30303/ Man Googles Matt Damon's Address Because, Well, He's Crazy And Wants To Murder Him]]". He's also recorded ''Film/OceansEleven'' on his DVR and has viewed the film "more than 200 times in the past month", and is in possession of 100 DVD copies of ''Film/TheLegendOfBaggerVance''. |
| 763 | * ScareEmStraight: |
| 764 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38588 Driver's Ed Class Finally Gets To See Legendary Safety Film]]". |
| 765 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/kids-in-scaredstraight-program-visit-horrifying-cl,19156/ Kids In Scared Straight Program Visit Horrifying Cleveland Cavaliers Practice]]". |
| 766 | * SceneryPorn: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/national-parks-closed-for-annual-remajestification,17484 National Parks Closed For Annual Remajestification]]". |
| 767 | * SchmuckBait: During ''Fact Zone'''s intro, if you pause at just the right time you'll see a [=TinyURL=] address. It leads to a JustForFun/{{Rickroll}}. |
| 768 | * ScrewedByTheNetwork: In-universe. On the season finale of the show on IFC, ''The Cressbeckler Stance'' was canned so the network could introduce a new program about motorcycles [[spoiler:in the spirit of the new American Dream]]. |
| 769 | * ScrewPolitenessImASenior: Deconstructed in "[[https://www.theonion.com/114-year-old-attributes-longevity-to-sheer-random-chanc-1819563850 114-Year-Old Attributes Longevity to Sheer Random Chance]]". While the article keeps using words like 'feisty', 'bouncy', 'chipper', and 'peppy' to [[CoolOldLady paint Mrs. McCreeley's attitude in a more positive light]], Hazel herself is extremely bitter and nihilistic about her continued existence, including the decline of her body and the many children she's outlived, and can only express herself properly during the brief moments of lucidity her brain allows; the mayor of Milford goes on record as wishing she'd just hurry up and die, and her own hope for her 115th birthday is "to be rotting in a coffin". |
| 770 | * ScrewTheRulesIHaveMoney: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/wealthy_teen_nearly_experiences Wealthy Teen Nearly Experiences Consequence]]". |
| 771 | * ScrewTheRulesImBeautiful: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/its-okay-im-attractive,11436/ It's Okay, I'm Attractive]]". |
| 772 | * ScrewThisImOuttaHere: |
| 773 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/u-s-troops-draw-up-own-exit-strategy-1819568185 U.S. Troops Draw Up Own Exit Strategy]]". |
| 774 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/health-experts-recommend-standing-up-at-desk-leavi,37957/ Health Experts Recommend Standing Up At Desk, Leaving Office, Never Coming Back]]". |
| 775 | * SealedEvilInACan: "[[https://www.theonion.com/pope-francis-warns-seals-on-jesus-tomb-are-weakening-1846043468 Pope Francis Warns Seals On Jesus' Tomb Are Weakening]]". |
| 776 | * SeasonalRot: In-universe. |
| 777 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/5yearold-says-sesame-street-has-sucked-since-2010,30432/ 5-Year-Old Says 'Sesame Street' Has Sucked Since 2010]]." |
| 778 | ** "[[https://entertainment.theonion.com/game-of-thrones-showrunners-disappointed-with-how-qua-1834843021 'Game Of Thrones' Showrunners Disappointed With How Quality Of Fans Has Dropped Off Over Past Couple Seasons]]." |
| 779 | * SecondPersonNarration: The paper's preferred method to point out ThisLoserIsYou, such as "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-still-remembers-time-you-threw-up-in-5th,17291/ Everyone Still Remembers Time You Threw Up In 5th Grade]]". |
| 780 | * SeizeThem: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/seize-him,16505/ Seize Him!]]", which also includes [[{{Troperiffic}} a bunch of other tropes expected in this scene]]: the EvilOverlord, JustBetweenYouAndMe, YouHaveNoChanceToSurvive, AgonyBeam, SurroundedByIdiots, etc. |
| 781 | * SelfDeprecation: |
| 782 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-study-finds-the-onion-has-never-been-more-popu,31505/ New Study Finds 'The Onion' Has Never Been More Popular, More Beloved, Or More Respected]]", written in the wake of the backlash towards their Quvenzhane Wallis insult. |
| 783 | ** [[http://www.theonion.com/article/websites-built-in-search-engine-just-pathetic-33203 Website's Built-In Search Engine Just Pathetic]] nearly always turns up when using the site's search feature, no matter what terms are put in. |
| 784 | ** In-universe with "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/self-deprecating-man-just-scratching-surface-how-p-50454 Self-Deprecating Man Just Scratching Surface Of How Pathetic He Actually Is]]". |
| 785 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/graphic/clear-stock-music-video-never-meant-be-watched-sou-57042 Clear From Stock Music That Video Never Meant To Be Watched With Sound On]]". |
| 786 | ** After Project Veritas attempted to expose ''The Washington Post'' as "fake news" by tricking them into posting [[SchmuckBait false information about Alabama senatorial candidate Roy Moore]] -- which the ''Post'' did not fall for and responded by [[https://www.washingtonpost.com/investigations/a-woman-approached-the-post-with-dramatic--and-false--tale-about-roy-moore-sje-appears-to-be-part-of-undercover-sting-operation/2017/11/27/0c2e335a-cfb6-11e7-9d3a-bcbe2af58c3a_story.html exposing the attempted sting]] -- ''The Onion'' then published "[[https://www.theonion.com/the-onion-has-obtained-exclusive-information-from-jai-1820808638 'The Onion' Has Obtained Exclusive Information From Jaime Phillips About Roy Moore's Sexual Indiscretions]]", in which the publication praises itself for being the only outlet brave enough to publish such information while constantly hinting at the level of ingorance necessary for a major outlet to take the bait. |
| 787 | --->Simply put, ''The Onion'' is willing to stake its nearly 252-year history of sterling, unbiased reportage upon the verity of these claims. |
| 788 | * SelfFulfillingProphecy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/report-things-finally-bad-trump-claims-54665 Report: Things Finally As Bad As Trump Claims]]". |
| 789 | * {{Sequelitis}}: In-universe. |
| 790 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/vindictive-movie-studio-threatens-to-make-coyote-u,2719/ Vindictive Movie Studio Threatens To Make 'Coyote Ugly' Sequel]]". |
| 791 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zgb8N-5py0 Final Minutes Of Last Harry Potter Movie To Be Split Into Seven Separate Films]]". |
| 792 | * SerialKillerKiller: "[[https://www.theonion.com/series-of-serial-killer-killings-rocks-serial-killer-co-1819567448 Series Of Serial Killer Killings Rocks Serial Killer Community]]". |
| 793 | * SeriousBusiness: |
| 794 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/modern_day_martin_luther_nails_95 Modern-Day Martin Luther Nails 95 Comment Cards To IHOP Door]]". |
| 795 | ** Anything by ubergeek Larry Groznic, whose specialty is asserting to those less enlightened than himself that he is Nerdier Than Thou. Example: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/when-you-are-ready-to-have-a-serious-conversation,16308/ When You Are Ready To Have A Serious Conversation About Green Lantern, You Have My E-Mail Address]]". |
| 796 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/general-mills-star-wars-episode-ii-cereal-gets-it,10706/ General Mills' 'Star Wars: Episode II' Cereal Gets It All Wrong]]". |
| 797 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/americans-bravely-go-to-polls-despite-threat-of-el,18394/ Americans Bravely Go To Polls Despite Threat Of Electing Congress]]". |
| 798 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-shall-scramble-two-with-bacon-when-the-muse-move,10691/ I Shall Scramble Two With Bacon When The Muse Moves Me]]". |
| 799 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/helvetica-bold-oblique-sweeps-fontys,263/ Helvetica Bold Oblique Sweeps Fontys]]". |
| 800 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/what-foolhardy-mortal-thinks-he-can-shelve-faster,10960/ What Foolhardy Mortal Thinks He Can Shelve Faster Than I?]]" |
| 801 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/juicer-infomercial-sweeps-early-morning-emmys,2518/ Juicer Infomercial Sweeps Early Morning Emmys]]". |
| 802 | ** In many other stories, the event itself is entirely plausible; the joke is simply that anyone would consider it newsworthy: |
| 803 | *** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/whaler-sandwich-not-sitting-too-good-with-area-man,987/ Whaler Sandwich 'Not Sitting Too Good' with Area Man]]". |
| 804 | *** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-struggles-to-understand-why-area-pie-didnt,18587/ Nation Struggles To Understand Why Area Pie Didn't Come Out Right]]". |
| 805 | *** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/honey-im-not-going-to-stand-here-and-debate-the-me,18952/ Honey, I'm Not Going To Stand Here And Debate The Merits Of The First Two B-52's LPs In Front Of The Whole Supermarket]]". |
| 806 | * SettingUpdate: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/unconventional-director-sets-shakespeare-play-in-t,2214/ Unconventional Director Sets Shakespeare Play In Time, Place Shakespeare Intended]]". |
| 807 | * SevenDeadlySins: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28001 All Seven Deadly Sins Committed At Church Bake Sale]]". |
| 808 | * SexIsEvilAndIAmHorny: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/pope-forgives-molested-children,101/ One article]] commented on the scandal of the Catholic Church covering up for pedophile priests (by moving them around instead of ousting and reporting them, thus covering their tracks and giving them access to new victims) by having the Pope announce that God will forgive the children for their crime of leading his priests into temptation. |
| 809 | * SexSells: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/poll-finds-majority-of-male-voters-would-have-elec,18436/ Poll Finds Majority Of Male Voters Would Have Elected Naked Woman]]" ({{NSFW}}). |
| 810 | * ShaggyDogStory: "[[https://local.theonion.com/area-liberal-worried-his-asian-dry-cleaner-doesnt-like-1819566228 Area Liberal Worried His Asian Dry Cleaner Doesn't Like Him]]." It turns out that the dry cleaner isn't giving the liberal the cold shoulder because she doesn't like him -- she apparently doesn't even know who he is. |
| 811 | * ShapedLikeItself: |
| 812 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/report_turkey_sandwiches_an Report: Turkey Sandwiches An Excellent Source Of Turkey Sandwiches]]". |
| 813 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/investigators-determine-air-france-disaster-caused,2749/ Investigators Determine Air France Disaster Caused By Plane Crash]]". |
| 814 | * ShavingIsScience: |
| 815 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28385 Haggar Physicists Develop 'Quantum Slacks']]". |
| 816 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/brookstone_scientists_10_years Brookstone Scientists 10 Years Away from Towel Alarm Clock]]". |
| 817 | * SheCleansUpNicely: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/bearded-lady-cleans-up-real-nice,17342/ Bearded Lady Cleans Up Real Nice]]". |
| 818 | * SheIsAllGrownUp: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/teenage-girl-blossoming-into-beautiful-object,31061/ Teenage Girl Blossoming Into Beautiful Object]]". |
| 819 | * ShellShockedVeteran: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/george-w-bush-debuts-new-paintings-of-dogs-friends,35799/ George W. Bush Debuts New Paintings Of Dogs, Friends, Ghost of Iraqi Child That Follows Him Everywhere]]". |
| 820 | * ShipperOnDeck: Subverted in "[[https://local.theonion.com/guests-forced-to-pretend-wedding-a-good-thing-1819566076 Guests Forced To Pretend Wedding A Good Thing]]", in which it's repeatedly made clear how unhealthy the couple's relationship is. That said, even the only source willing to say straight out that the marriage won't last remarks that they're a "cute couple." |
| 821 | * ShoddyKnockoffProduct: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/yellowstone-national-park-concerned-about-competin,20675/ Yellowstone National Park Concerned About Competing 'Yello-Stone Natural Park' Built Right Across Street]]". |
| 822 | * ShootTheShaggyDog: "[[https://www.theonion.com/heroic-peta-commandos-kill-49-save-rabbit-1819564245 Heroic PETA Commandos Kill 49, Save Rabbit]]" becomes this when said rabbit gets caught and killed by a fox ''minutes'' after being released into the wild. |
| 823 | * ShoutOut: |
| 824 | ** Oddly, [[http://www.theonion.com/article/employee-forced-to-appear-in-training-video-1485 this early article]] mentions the three guys who were behind the direction of Creator/AdultSwim: Dave Willis, Keith Crofford, and Mike Lazzo. |
| 825 | ** [[http://www.theonion.com/article/rumsfeld-hosts-no-holds-barred-martial-arts-tourna-1143 This article]] casts Rumsfeld as an {{Expy}} of [[Franchise/StreetFighter M. Bison]]. |
| 826 | ** [[http://www.theonion.com/article/supreme-court-justices-gather-chambers-receive-lat-57138 This recent one]] casts the Supreme Court as being somewhat like the Series/MightyMorphinPowerRangers, with former Chief Justice John Marshall as a Zordon-style OracularHead and a RobotBuddy named Amicus (much like Alpha 5/6). |
| 827 | * ShownTheirWork: |
| 828 | ** [[http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/though-fire-flood-and-earthquake-beset-my-path-sti-10786 This commentary]] from a man who won't miss ''Series/TheJokersWild'' for anything must've been written by a game show fan. It name checks all three hosts -- Creator/JackBarry, Creator/BillCullen, and even the substitute host, Jim Peck! And he says he'd miss a lot of other shows, including ''Series/BullseyeUS'' (also a Barry-Enright show) and even ''Series/TheMagnificentMarbleMachine'' (though even seeing it might be tough -- all the tapes were erased by Creator/{{NBC}}). They even reference the kids' version of the show, ''Joker! Joker! Joker!''. |
| 829 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/i-appreciate-the-muppets-on-a-much-deeper-level-th-16208 I Appreciate the Muppets on a Much Deeper Level Than You]]". It parodies FanDumb[[invoked]], but the writer clearly knows a lot about ''Franchise/TheMuppets''. |
| 830 | * SideEffectsInclude: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28349 Pfizer Launches 'Zoloft for Everything' Ad Campaign]]". |
| 831 | * SillyRabbitIdealismIsForKids: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/grown-adult-actually-expects-to-be-happy,19442/ Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy]]". |
| 832 | * ShrugOfGod: In-universe and literal example with "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/god-wonders-what-happens-to-humans-after-they-die-36199 God Wonders What Happens To Humans After They Die]]". |
| 833 | * SignificantAnagram: Dr. Tanas from [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-f1EQ_Xgyg&list=PL4NL9i-Fu15jfDETSxUC-V8lojhlu2XXg&index=10 Dr. Good]] is an anagram for {{Satan}}, whom he is heavily implied to be. |
| 834 | * SingleTear: Kelly invariably depicts the Art/StatueOfLiberty as shedding one, whether out of sorrow or joy. |
| 835 | * SkewedPriorities: |
| 836 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/cdc-officials-announce-free-ice-cream-for-everyone,17611/ CDC Officials Announce Free Ice Cream For Everyone, Delicious Tasty Ice Cream, And Also There Is An Ebola Outbreak]]". |
| 837 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Edl0l3VaIks Survivors Of Gas Station Explosion Mourn Tragic Loss Of Gas]]". |
| 838 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/neighbors-confront-alcoholic-child-abuser-about-his-law-1819565129 Neighbors Confront Alcoholic Child Abuser About His Lawn]]". |
| 839 | * SleazyPolitician: |
| 840 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/city-of-chicago-to-modernize-outdated-graft-progra,17140/ City Of Chicago To Modernize Outdated Graft Programs]]". |
| 841 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/illinois-supreme-court-deems-rahm-emanuel-sleazy-e,19036/ Illinois Supreme Court Deems Rahm Emanuel Sleazy Enough To Run For Mayor Of Chicago]]". |
| 842 | * SmallNameBigEgo: |
| 843 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/somebodys-got-to-save-this-country-from-certain-do,21135/ Somebody's Got to Save This Country From Certain Doom, And Let's Face It, That Person Is Me]]". |
| 844 | ** The parody editorial cartoonist Stan Kelly displays traits of this frequently. In the book collection, he even [[{{Dedication}} dedicates]] it to ''himself'' for having the guts to "tell it like it is". |
| 845 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/coworkers-dying-to-tell-man-hes-going-to-be-fired-1819567236 Coworkers Dying To Tell Man He's Going To Be Fired]]" has the underperforming and lazy Mark Tendulkar excited about making one sale. |
| 846 | --->"Mark came in all smug after selling a [=MultiPASS=] [=MP360=]," floor supervisor Andrew Miller said. "He said something like, 'Put another one in the win column for the Marksman.' I wanted to tell him that one $140 sale wasn't going to be enough to save his job, but protocol must be observed. I can't wait until Lascowicz sends him up the river." |
| 847 | * SmallReferencePools: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/area-mans-pop-culture-references-stop-at-1988-469 Area Man's Pop-Culture References Stop At 1988]]". |
| 848 | * SophisticatedAsHell: |
| 849 | ** [[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/smoove-b,1022/ Smoove B]]: |
| 850 | --->'''Smoove B:''' Lay your body down, and I will show you love. I will drape you in the finest black silks. I will travel to the finest Asian nations to attain this silk. Then, I will run my fingers through your hair. I will caress your body slowly and whisper in your ear while I do so. I will tell you such things as, "You are the most beautiful woman in the world" and "Your skin is like the most expensive Swiss chocolate money can buy" and "Your eyes are like windows to paradise," and other romantic things that will make you tremble with desire. ''I will hit you doggy-style.'' |
| 851 | ** Pretty much all of Horrifying Planet, especially [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05-5uLLoygA&noredirect=1 this one.]] |
| 852 | --->The sound is heard in their small earholes. The two manatees did meander over, I assumed spurred by some rudimentary form of empathy to help their helpless brethren. This was incorrect. When they got there, the two manatees -- seriously, this– this actually happened -- worked together to hold the crippled one firm up against the glass of the enclosure, to help the first manatee finally succeed in ''[[PrecisionFStrike fucking it in the ass]]''. |
| 853 | ** The last quote in [[https://www.theonion.com/area-man-has-complete-prison-survival-strategy-mapped-o-1819566380 this article]]. |
| 854 | --->"The human being is an animal with extremely strong self-preservation instincts," Trudeau said. "In this regard, Mr. Kroll's preparatory measures make perfect sense. But while devising emergency plans is understandable, Kroll should realize that no matter how much he prepares, the only thing he can count on in prison is having his creamy white ass churned into butter." |
| 855 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/epic-saga-of-employees-ineptitude-passed-down-through-g-1819574712 Epic Saga of Employee's Ineptitude Passed Down Through Generations Of Coworkers]]" |
| 856 | --->"If there is but one lesson to draw from this story, my coworkers, it is that Plasky will receive new accounts so long as he takes living breaths," digital marketing analyst Robert Meyers said. "No matter the severity of his latest missing assignment or wildly inaccurate market projections, the wisdom of ages speaks this one truth: Employees of Thorpe shall come and employees of Thorpe shall go, but Doug will remain on the payroll forevermore."\ |
| 857 | "God, I can't believe nobody's had the balls to just [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] fire him already," Meyers added. |
| 858 | * SoUnfunnyItsFunny: |
| 859 | ** The entire point of Roger Dudek's "[[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/roger-dudek,1027/ Write On The Funny!]]" |
| 860 | ** Present in [[http://www.theonion.com/personalities/jean-teasdale,1021/ Jean Teasdale's column]] (with lines like "Osama bin Laden should take a chocolate pill!") and some of the cartoons (when they're not full of PatrioticFervor and MediaScaremongering). |
| 861 | %%** Kelly's political cartoons are this. Presumably. %%ZCE |
| 862 | * SoWhatDoWeDoNow: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/voice-inside-cheering-libyan-rebels-head-oh-fuck-n,21204/ Voice Inside Cheering Libyan Rebel's Head: 'Oh, Fuck, Now What?']]". |
| 863 | * SpeakIllOfTheDead: In "[[https://www.theonion.com/fun-toy-banned-because-of-three-stupid-dead-kids-1819565691 Fun Toy Banned Because of Three Stupid Dead Kids]]". |
| 864 | * {{Spoiler}}: In-universe, "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/final_harry_potter_book Final Harry Potter Book Blasted For Containing Spoilers]]". |
| 865 | * SpurnedIntoSuicide: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/david-cameron-to-scottish-people-ill-kill-myself-i,36941/ David Cameron To Scottish People: 'I'll Kill Myself If You Leave']]" |
| 866 | * StalkingIsLove: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/romanticcomedy-behavior-gets-reallife-man-arrested,757/ Romantic-Comedy Behavior Gets Real-Life Man Arrested]]" involves the titular man being arrested for stalking his love interest during his GrandRomanticGesture. |
| 867 | * StealthSequel: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/francis-ford-coppola-reveals-every-godfather-film,35423/ Francis Ford Coppola Reveals Every 'Godfather' Film Took Place In Same Narrative World]]". |
| 868 | %%* StepfordSmiler: The hosts of ''Today Now!'' are Type B, although [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GW0XApwZpt0 it's possible Tracy Gill is Type A]]. %%ZCE |
| 869 | %%* TheStoner: [[http://www.theonion.com/content/columnists/view/anchower Jim Anchower]]. %%ZCE |
| 870 | * StonersAreFunny: EverybodyMustGetStoned, from scientists to pizzeria workers, and this is invariably depicted for humour. |
| 871 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/worlds-top-scientists-ponder-what-if-the-whole-uni,712/ World's Top Scientists Ponder: What If The Whole Universe Is, Like, One Huge Atom?]]" |
| 872 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/everyone_involved_in_pizzas Everyone Involved In Pizza's Preparation, Delivery, Purchase Extremely High]]". %%Link no longer works |
| 873 | * StopBeingStereotypical: |
| 874 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/chinese-laundry-owner-blasted-for-reinforcing-nega,1563/ Chinese Laundry Owner Blasted For Reinforcing Negative Ethnic Stereotypes]]". |
| 875 | ** "[[https://politics.theonion.com/american-muslims-to-fort-hood-shooter-thanks-a-lot-as-1819571135 American Muslims To Fort Hood Shooter: 'Thanks A Lot, Asshole']]". |
| 876 | * StoryArc: |
| 877 | ** In July 2009, T. Herman Zweibel [[ChinaTakesOverTheWorld sold the Onion]] to [[http://www.yuwanmei.com a Chinese salvage fishery]], and the publication was quickly filled with pro-China propaganda and ads for fish byproducts. However, after a few days, the Chinese realized the collapse of the newspaper industry made their purchase worthless and gave the ''Onion'' back to its original management. This did not affect the AV Club, although they did let worried readers know that the company was indeed ''not'' sold to the Chinese. |
| 878 | ** In June 2011, a week of articles blatantly touted ''The Onion'' as deserving a Pulitzer Prize, following a [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-shall-now-exact-my-final-revenge-upon-that-jacka,20832/ Zweibel editorial]] stating that he hated Pulitzer and decided it would be the best possible way to piss on his grave. A [[http://afajp.tumblr.com/ lobby group]] was formed, whose president turned out to be an embezzler. Several celebrities appeared in Website/YouTube videos promoting the campaign. |
| 879 | * StrangelySpecificHoroscope: PlayedForLaughs. Every issue has an insane horoscope with strangely specific and violent predictions. For a couple of concrete examples: |
| 880 | ** '''Pisces''': After years of work, you will be asked to submit your paper called "There Is Nothing Like A Good Plate Of Bacon And Eggs" to the philosophy department at the Sorbonne. |
| 881 | ** '''Aries''': Your plan to put on a spectacular song-and-dance show to raise desperately needed cash will somehow fail to save your foundering musical. |
| 882 | ** '''Taurus''': You will realize too late that an absolute monarch is still in thrall to the needs of his subjects when your hamsters start dying of starvation. |
| 883 | * StrangeSyntaxSpeaker: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/rules-grammar-change,922/ Rules Grammar Change]]". |
| 884 | * StrawCritic: Jackie Harvey is an inversion, as he ''loves'' damn near any movie put out. |
| 885 | * StrawFeminist: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-dont-support-feminism-if-it-means-murdering-all,37301/ I Don't Support Feminism If It Means Murdering All Men]]". |
| 886 | * StrawmanPolitical: The editorial cartoons are done by a strawman conservative who draws even more ridiculous strawman liberals.[[note]]If you are also a conservative, prepare to sometimes agree with the strawman.[[/note]] |
| 887 | * StrictlyFormula: All of Jim Anchower's articles pretty much follow the same formula — first he complains about his car, then mentions he lost whatever job he had for the intermittent time between articles. |
| 888 | * StupidSexyFlanders: "[[http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/running-backs-buttocks-undulate-hypnotically-in-se,3711/ Running Back's Buttocks Undulate Hypnotically In Sexuality-Challenging Slow-Motion Replay]]". |
| 889 | * SturgeonsLaw: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/internet-scam-alert-most-kickstarter-projects-just,28655/ Internet Scam Alert: Most 'Kickstarter' Projects Just Useless Crap]]". |
| 890 | * SuperDeformed: {{Deconstructed|Trope}}. "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Mw1ARQc7vw Bratz Dolls May Give Young Girls Unrealistic Expectations Of Head Size]]" explores the ramifications of even the mild form (4 heads) seen in Franchise/{{Bratz}} dolls. |
| 891 | * SuperSerum: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/clinton-injected-with-highly-unstable-experimental,686/ Clinton Injected With Highly-Unstable Experimental Growth Serum]]". |
| 892 | * SurprisinglyRealisticOutcome: |
| 893 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlRK-DtcqC0 Being A Detective Who Talks To Ghosts Not As Exciting As TV]]". |
| 894 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/scrappy-band-of-lovable-misfits-no-match-for-rich,179/ Scrappy Band Of Lovable Misfits No Match For Rich Kids]]" does this in several ways, from the entire premise to more specific examples. |
| 895 | *** The misfits get sued and fined under breaking and entering charges for their panty raid while hacking the rival camp's computers to display crude messages just earned their hacker a dozen subpoenas and jail time. |
| 896 | *** The rich kids win not just because they are snobs. It is because they have better funding, training and equipment, something no amount of pluck can cover. Outside of cheating, they can never lose. |
| 897 | *** When they soak the rival camp's director and his eviction papers, he just gets another copy. |
| 898 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/romanticcomedy-behavior-gets-reallife-man-arrested,757/ Romantic Comedy Behavior gets Real Life Man Arrested]]". |
| 899 | * SuspiciouslySpecificDenial: |
| 900 | ** Inverted; "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/google-responds-to-privacy-concerns-with-unsettlin,16891/ Google Responds To Privacy Concerns With Unsettlingly Specific Apology]]". |
| 901 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/when-i-have-kids-im-not-going-to-drown-them,10692/ When I Have Kids, I'm Not Going To Drown Them]]". |
| 902 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/attempt-to-recreate-incredible-night-out-from-yout,20319/?utm_source=recentnews Attempt To Recreate Incredible Night Out From Youth Works Perfectly]]". |
| 903 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/life-jackets-issued-to-all-americans-for-some-reas,95/ Life Jackets Issued To All Americans For Some Reason]]". Nothing to worry about though! Also, Homeland Security recommends wearing them at all times and the Navy is building shipyards in Idaho, Missouri, and Ohio -- which, for context, are all landlocked states[[note]](in terms of the oceans -- a large portion of Ohio's northern border is Lake Erie)[[/note]]. No reason, though. |
| 904 | --->"My fellow Americans, you may have noticed some small changes in the way we're asking you to go about your daily business," said Bush, his words muffled by a brass diving helmet. "The government is not trying to scare you. We just want you to be prepared for the very remote possibility that your lives will never be the same."\ |
| 905 | "Again, I cannot stress enough what a longshot that particular unspecified scenario is," Bush continued. "We are not facing what I would call a 'credible threat,' so don't even bother worrying about it." |
| 906 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-study-finds-the-onion-has-never-been-more-popu,31505/ New Study Finds 'The Onion' Has Never Been More Popular, More Beloved, or More Respected]]". [[labelnote:Explanation]]This one showed up shortly after ''The Onion'''s Twitter account insulted 9-year-old Oscar nominee Quvenzhane Wallis by calling her a [[CountryMatters very offensive word]].[[/labelnote]] |
| 907 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/gore-camp-denies-putting-bush-camps-canoe-in-treet,363/ Gore Camp Denies Putting Bush Camp's Canoe In Treetop]]". |
| 908 | * SweetTooth: Deconstructed with Jean Teasdale. She often writes about her love of chocolate and homemade desserts with ludicrous amounts of sugar. Eventually, she develops type 2 diabetes. |
| 909 | * SwordOfPlotAdvancement: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-sets-sail-in-search-of-fabled-sword-of-bi,18250/ Congress Sets Sail In Search Of Fabled Sword Of Bipartisanship]]". |
| 910 | * TailorMadePrison: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/prisoners-rights-group-protests-treatment-of-super-36285 Prisoners' Rights Group Protests Treatment Of Supervillains In Nation's Magnetic Detainment Cubes]]" |
| 911 | * TakeThat: |
| 912 | ** Against Creator/RushLimbaugh, with "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_dont_even_want_to_be_alive I Don't Even Want to Be Alive Anymore]]". |
| 913 | ** The closing months of 2008 saw weekly stories about outgoing President UsefulNotes/GeorgeWBush getting increasingly-bizarre and horrendous injuries. |
| 914 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-honors-911-first-capitalizers,18856 Congress Honors 9/11 First Capitalizers, Recognizes Those Who Rushed To Cash In On Tragedy]]". |
| 915 | ** ''Today Now'' [[http://www.theonion.com/video/today-now-interviews-the-5yearold-screenwriter-of,20188/ interviews the 5-year-old screenwriter of]] ''Film/FastFive''. |
| 916 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-cheney-memoir-reveals-hes-going-to-live-full-s,21262/ New Cheney Memoir Reveals He's Going To Live Full, Satisfied Life Without Ever Feeling Remorse And There's Nothing We Can Do About It]]". |
| 917 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-faCh8BUEts Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck]]". |
| 918 | ** Against Creator/OprahWinfrey: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-just-want-to-say-that-i-hated-every-moment-of-th,20683/ I Just Want To Say That I Hated Every Moment Of That Piece-Of-Shit Show]]". |
| 919 | ** Against Rep. Todd Akin: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-misspokewhat-i-meant-to-say-is-i-am-dumb-as-dog,29256/ I Misspoke—What I Meant To Say Is 'I Am Dumb As Dog Shit And I Am A Terrible Human Being']]" |
| 920 | ** In response to the Lance Armstrong doping controversy, the Onion Store is proud to offer the "Cheat to Win" bracelet. |
| 921 | ** Making fun of Chicago's murder rate spikes since 2011: |
| 922 | *** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/hot-new-murder-craze-sweeps-chicago,29349/ Hot New 'Murder Craze' Sweeps Chicago]]". |
| 923 | *** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/chicagos-annual-homicide-drive-off-to-most-promisi,31066/ Chicago's Annual Homicide Drive Off To Most Promising Start In Decades]]". |
| 924 | ** Towards Website/{{Facebook}}: |
| 925 | *** "[[http://www.theonion.com/mark-zuckerberg-recalls-coming-up-with-idea-for-faceboo-1826831713 Mark Zuckerberg Recalls Coming Up With Idea For Facebook After Seeing Dopamine-Addicted Lab Rat Starve To Death]]". |
| 926 | *** "[[https://www.theonion.com/mark-zuckerberg-defends-decision-to-fly-confederate-fla-1826847417 Mark Zuckerberg Defends Decision To Fly Confederate Flag At Facebook Headquarters]]". |
| 927 | *** "[[https://www.theonion.com/creepy-weirdo-still-stalking-you-on-facebook-1826835239 Creepy Weirdo Still Stalking You On Facebook]]". |
| 928 | *** From the point of view of Mark Zuckerberg's daughter: "[[https://www.theonion.com/daddy-i-don-t-want-to-live-in-the-world-your-website-h-1826861817 Daddy, I Don't Want To Live In The World Your Website Has Created]]". |
| 929 | ** Against ''Series/TedLasso'': "[[https://www.theonion.com/critically-acclaimed-ted-lasso-episode-just-stock-pho-1847547843 Critically Acclaimed 'Ted Lasso' Episode Just Stock Photos Of People Hugging Each Other]]". |
| 930 | * TakeThatAudience: Does this from time to time. |
| 931 | ** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuck-everything-nation-reports,30743/ "Fuck Everything, Nation Reports"]]: |
| 932 | --->Americans reported feelings of overwhelming disgust with whatever abhorrent bastard did this and with the world at large... and above all with their own pathetic goddamn selves, sitting in front of a fucking computer instead of doing fucking ''anything'' to help ''anyone''... |
| 933 | ** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/let-me-explain-why-miley-cyrus-vma-performance-was,33632/ "Let Me Explain Why Miley Cyrus Was Our Top Story This Morning"]]: |
| 934 | --->So, as managing editor of CNN.com, I want our readers to know this: All you are to us, and all you will ever be to us, are eyeballs. The more eyeballs on our content, the more cash we can ask for. Period. And if we're able to get more eyeballs, that means I've done my job, which gets me congratulations from my bosses, which encourages me to put up even more stupid bullshit on the homepage.\ |
| 935 | I don't hesitate to call it stupid bullshit because we all know it's stupid bullshit. We know it and you know it. We also know that you are probably dumb enough, or bored enough, or both, to click on the stupid bullshit anyway, and that you will continue to do so as long as we keep putting it in front of your big, idiot faces. You want to know how many more page views the Miley Cyrus thing got than our article on the wildfires ravaging Yosemite? Like 6 gazillion more.\ |
| 936 | That's on you, not us.'' |
| 937 | ** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ij8-ZrDSADk This broadcast]]: |
| 938 | --->"I promised myself I would get through one newscast this year without insulting the viewers. Unfortunately, some promises were meant to be broken you uncomprehending halfwits." |
| 939 | * TheTalk: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38548 Daughter Thinks It's Time To Have Sex Talk With Parents]]". |
| 940 | * TalkativeLoon: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/raving-lunatic-obviously-took-some-advanced-physic,1145/ Raving Lunatic Obviously Took Some Advanced Physics]]". |
| 941 | %%** Also, an implied backstory of TheseAreThingsManWasNotMeantToKnow. %%ZCE |
| 942 | * TeacherStudentRomance: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/lonely-teacher-outcast-student-begin-somewhat-ende,21153/ Lonely Teacher, Outcast Student Begin Somewhat Endearing Sexual Relationship]]". Also includes ShipperOnDeck. |
| 943 | * TechnoBabble: |
| 944 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/raving-lunatic-obviously-took-some-advanced-physic,1145/ Raving Lunatic Obviously Took Some Advanced Physics]]". |
| 945 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sci_fi_writer_attributes?utm_source=a-section Sci-fi Writer Attributes Everything Mysterious To 'Quantum Flux']]". |
| 946 | * TerroristsWithoutACause: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/conceptual-terrorists-encase-sears-tower-in-jello,2303/ Conceptual Terrorists Encase Sears Tower In Jell-O]]". |
| 947 | * TeensAreMonsters: |
| 948 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/15yearold-girl-viciously-torn-apart-by-rabid-pack,20962/ 15-Year-Old Girl Viciously Torn Apart By Rabid Pack Of Peers]]". |
| 949 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/braindead-teen-only-capable-of-rolling-eyes-and-te,27225/ Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized]]". |
| 950 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/100-of-teenagers-huge-fucking-assholes-confirms-stu-1822880649 '100% of Teenagers Huge Fucking Assholes' Confirms Study By Sobbing, Red-Faced Scientist]]". |
| 951 | * TeenPregnancy: {{Deconstructed|Trope}} in "[[https://local.theonion.com/abused-12-year-old-alabama-girl-doesn-t-think-she-can-h-1834787176 Abused 12-Year-Old Alabama Girl Doesn't Think She Can Handle Being A Mom On Top Of Everything Else]]". |
| 952 | -->"I have several book reports and a big algebra test coming up in the next few weeks, and I had even been thinking about trying out for my school's chorus, but giving birth and caring for an infant is going to really cut into my studying time," said the seventh-grader, who acknowledged that the intense feelings of shame and fear associated with trauma had already placed her significantly behind her peers and added that there would likely be even greater challenges to raising the offspring of the man who attacked her. |
| 953 | * TestosteronePoisoning: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-texasstyle-yogurt-to-feed-mansize-hunger-for-y,2422/ New Texas-Style Yogurt To Feed Man-Size Hunger For Yogurt]]". |
| 954 | * TheTetrisEffect: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/area-ceo-likes-to-think-of-family-as-small-close-k-34852 Area CEO Likes To Think Of Family As Small, Close-Knit Business]]". |
| 955 | * TheSnackIsMoreInteresting: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJHHmmY1YCs Snacks Distract Lawmakers From Horrors of War]]". |
| 956 | * ThereIsNoKillLikeOverKill: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nypd-apologizes-for-accidental-shootingclubbingsta,739/ NYPD Apologizes For Accidental Shooting-Clubbing-Stabbing-Firebombing-Choking-Impaling-Beheading-Electrocution-Lethal injection death]]". |
| 957 | * TheyChangedItNowItSucks: In-universe with "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7mekhFTrXM NHL Woos Fans By Increasing Scoring With Bigger Nets, 3-Point Line]]". |
| 958 | * ThisLoserIsYou: |
| 959 | ** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-women-always-answer-their-phones-unless-they,18254/ "Study: Women Always Answer Their Phones Unless They're Having Great Sex With Someone Else"]]. |
| 960 | ** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-worlds-lone-nontelepathic-individual-still,32461/ "World's Lone Non-Telepathic Individual Still Completely Unaware"]]. It just gets worse from the title; the illustration is just text reading, "The image of the non-telepath has already been psychically transmitted to all of humanity and thus does not need to reproduced here." |
| 961 | ** [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/breaking-authorities-currently-racing-down-highway,34462/ "BREAKING: Authorities Currently Racing Down Highway To Arrest You For Crime You Didn't Commit– Run!"]] |
| 962 | ** [[http://www.theonion.com/article/totally-unknown-guy-strolling-around-your-part-of--38335 "Totally Unknown Guy Strolling Around Your Part Of Office For Some Reason"]]. |
| 963 | ** [[http://www.theonion.com/article/scientists-confirm-first-case-zika-transmission-ar-53472 "Scientists Confirm First Case Of Zika Transmission From Article To Reader"]]. |
| 964 | ** [[https://www.theonion.com/breaking-the-onion-has-detected-a-virus-on-your-comput-1837709055?utm_source=TheOnion_Daily_RSS&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=&utm_term= "Breaking: The Onion Has Detected A Virus On Your Computer"]]. |
| 965 | * TheThemeParkVersion: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/yellowstone-national-park-concerned-about-competin,20675/ Yellowstone National Park Concerned About Competing 'Yello-Stone Natural Park' Built Right Across Street]]". |
| 966 | * ThreeMonthOldNewborn: "Woman on TV Gives Birth to Four-Month-Old Baby". |
| 967 | * ThrowItIn: In-universe with "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27759 Police Interruption Hastily Written Into Student Film]]". |
| 968 | * TimeAbyss: |
| 969 | ** T. Herman Zweibel was born in the 1800s, and despite being incredibly old and afflicted with an innumerable amount of maladies, is somehow still hanging in there. |
| 970 | ** Joad Cressbeckler, a grizzled, ancient ex-gold miner who, after running as a third-party presidential candidate in 2008, got his own ONN show, ''The Cressbeckler Stance''. |
| 971 | * TimeyWimeyBall: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/historical-archives-civil-war-preenactors-have-sta,6356/ Historical Archives: Civil War Pre-Enactors Have Stage'd Battle Of Bull Run]]". |
| 972 | * ToiletSeatDivorce: Parodied in the Libra of [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-september-18-2012,29600/ this set of horoscopes.]] |
| 973 | -->You're about to go through a really messy divorce, thanks in large part to the Philly cheese steak you'll refuse to put down. |
| 974 | * TokenMinority: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38641 Black Guy Photoshopped In]]". As [[http://www.11points.com/Misc/11_Photos_Where_Black_People_Were_Awkwardly_Photoshopped_In_or_Out 11points demonstrates]], this is TruthInTelevision. |
| 975 | * TokenTrio: Can be observed in the peer review panel in [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/fifthgrade-science-paper-doesnt-stand-up-to-peer-r,1320/ this]] article. |
| 976 | * TonightSomeoneDies: "[[https://entertainment.theonion.com/disney-trailer-teases-exit-of-major-character-in-upcomi-1819580385 Disney Trailer Teases Exit Of Major Character In Upcoming Film 'Death At Pooh Corner']]". |
| 977 | * TooDumbToLive: |
| 978 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/looking-back-on-my-life-i-guess-my-biggest-regret,38287/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:Week1:Default Looking Back On My Life, I Guess My Biggest Regret Is Trying To Fight That Alligator 5 Minutes Ago]]". |
| 979 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/fun-toy-banned-because-of-three-stupid-dead-kids-1819565691 Fun Toy Banned Because of Three Stupid Dead Kids]]." One boy fires a missile up his nose, another girl breaks the toy to eat the shards, and another boy jumps off his apartment's balcony, thinking the toy will let him fly. |
| 980 | * TooGoodForThisSinfulEarth: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/beautiful-cinnamon-roll-too-good-for-this-world-to,35038/ Beautiful Cinnamon Roll Too Good For This World, Too Pure]]" applies the trope to a pastry instead of a person. |
| 981 | * TooHotForTV: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39114 C-SPAN Releases 'Too Hot For C-SPAN!' Video]]". |
| 982 | %%* TooIncompetentToOperateABlanket: %%ZCE |
| 983 | %%** The host of the "Troublehacker" videos. |
| 984 | %%** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEFL4mZa8ys Should More Americans Get In On The EZ-Go Juicer Craze?]]" |
| 985 | %%** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PyPyzNuApH4 Peter Jackson's 'The Hobbit' Stays Faithful To Original Book, Denny's Menu]]" |
| 986 | %%** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nascar-to-abandon-racing-portion-of-business-conce,17820/ NASCAR To Abandon Racing Portion Of Business, Concentrate On Ads]]" |
| 987 | * TrailersAlwaysSpoil: "[[https://local.theonion.com/man-hates-it-when-trailer-gives-away-entire-premise-of-1823070855 Man Hates It When Trailer Gives Away Entire Premise Of Movie]]". |
| 988 | * TrainingFromHell: "[[https://www.theonion.com/i-want-to-be-in-the-olympics-someday-says-delusional-1847422548 'I Want To Be In The Olympics Someday,' Says Delusional Kindergartner Already 4 Years Behind In Elite Training]]" claims that the titular kindergartener Mia Gaughan is already 4 years behind in elite training, and calls her narcissistic and foolish for even thinking of competing in the Olympics when she's that far behind. |
| 989 | * TranquilFury: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/dad-way-scarier-when-controlling-temper,36056/ Dad Way Scarier When Controlling Temper]]". |
| 990 | * TransformingMecha: "[[http://www.theonion.com/audio/kim-jong-il-unfolds-into-giant-robot-13343 Kim Jong Il Unfolds Into Giant Robot]]". |
| 991 | * TranslationByVolume: [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/foreign-travel-tips,8103/ This]] article on traveling abroad advises that shouting at foreigners is useful, along with [[BlatantLies many other helpful tips for American tourists]]. |
| 992 | * TransEqualsGay: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhKa-NVWEg8 Conservatives: Sex Change Only Barrier Between Gays/Marriage]]". |
| 993 | * TransparentCloset: |
| 994 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29378 Area Homosexual Thinks He's Still In The Closet]]". |
| 995 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/area_man_experimenting_with Area Man Experimenting with Homosexuality For Past Eight Years]]". |
| 996 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock,10861/ Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?]]" |
| 997 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/band-teacher-gay-in-retrospect-1819566832 Band Teacher Gay In Retrospect]]". |
| 998 | * TraumaCongaLine: Jim Haggerty in the ''Porkin' Across America'' series is subjected to this along with a decent amount of BodyHorror and SanitySlippage. Besides losing his dog, car, house and the love of his entire family throughout the progress of the show, his continually building injuries force him to have to replace parts of his body with pig innards. By the final episode, he's so become so disparaged and mutilated that he embraces becoming a pig and goes to live on a farm with the rest of his kind, even disregarding an opportunity to retake his hosting position on ''Today Now!'' and an awards show in favor his new "family". |
| 999 | * TrialBalloonQuestion: "[[https://www.theonion.com/nasa-curious-how-folks-would-feel-if-they-hypotheticall-1843751427 NASA Curious How Folks Would Feel If They Hypothetically Already Launched A Manned Mars Mission That Didn’t Go So Hot]]". |
| 1000 | * TropeName: Used in perhaps the most spot-on parody of 24-hour cable news ever, "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U4Ha9HQvMo& Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere]]". |
| 1001 | * TroubleEntendre: "[[https://youtu.be/kk0M0PsaTLk Al Qaeda Also Fed Up With Ground Zero Construction Delays]]" is an example in and of itself. |
| 1002 | -->'''Draeger:''' We ''need'' a place where all ages can gather and pay their respects, and remember what it is that we've lost.\ |
| 1003 | '''Al-Farouq:''' Yes. It is our goal to continue to make places where people can go and mourn the death of their loved ones. |
| 1004 | * TroubledProduction: In-universe with "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/terry-gilliam-barbecue-plagued-by-production-delay,4746/ Terry Gilliam Barbecue Plagued By Production Delays]]". |
| 1005 | * TroublingUnchildlikeBehavior: Lucas Armitage in [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDWo6m5hbG4 "Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutliates Burglar"]]. Even the host gets a bit uncomfortable as Lucas stares into the camera and says, "I want the blood." |
| 1006 | %%* TrueArt: InUniverse: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/humanity-still-producing-new-art-though-megadeths--50983 Humanity Still Producing New Art as Though Megadeth's 'Rust in Peace' Doesn't Already Exist]]" |
| 1007 | %%* TrueArtIsIncomprehensible: InUniverse: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/obamas-weekly-video-addresses-becoming-increasingl,17649/ Obama's Weekly Video Addresses Becoming Increasingly Avant-Garde]]". |
| 1008 | * TrueMeaningOfChristmas: Parodied in "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0McggLIYmnE Has Halloween Become Too Commercialized?]]", where the debaters discuss how people are forgetting the true meaning of Halloween: warding off evil spirits. |
| 1009 | * TurnedAgainstTheirMasters: "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/im-afraid-you-wont-be-coming-our-new-headquarters--56912 'I'm Afraid You Won't Be Coming To Our New Headquarters,' Declares Alexa As Amazon Execs Find Themselves Locked In Seattle Office]]". |
| 1010 | [[/folder]] |
| 1011 | |
| 1012 | [[folder:U-Z]] |
| 1013 | * UglyGuyHotWife: "[[https://www.theonion.com/woman-s-parents-accepting-of-mixed-attractiveness-relat-1819577338 Woman's Parents Accepting Of Mixed-Attractiveness Relationship]]". |
| 1014 | * UnderdogsNeverLose: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28032 Scrappy Band Of Lovable Misfits No Match For Rich Kids]]". |
| 1015 | * {{Understatement}}: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8nrdiQqFAs Tensions Mount After North Korea Destroys All Of Asia]]". |
| 1016 | * UnexpectedSuccessor: |
| 1017 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/last-remaining-politician-must-rebuild-entire-gove,18384/ Last Remaining Politician Must Rebuild Entire Government Following Bloodiest Midterm Election In American History]]". |
| 1018 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/secretary-of-interior-takes-presidential-oath-of-o,32264/ Secretary Of Interior Takes Presidential Oath Of Office: 'I Still Can't Believe The President, Vice President, Speaker Of The House, President Pro Tem, Sec. Of State, Sec. Of The Treasury, Sec. Of Defense, And Attorney General Were All In That Hot-Air Balloon,' Says New President Sally Jewell]]" |
| 1019 | * UngratefulBastard: "[[https://www.theonion.com/mama-duck-doesn-t-recall-asking-for-injured-baby-to-be-1833816522 Mama Duck Doesn’t Recall Asking For Injured Baby To Be Rescued From Road]]" |
| 1020 | * UnknownRival: "[[https://local.theonion.com/teen-unaware-he-locked-in-heated-ongoing-competition-wi-1819573828 Teen Unaware He Locked In Heated Ongoing Competition With Parents' Friends' Son]]" |
| 1021 | * UnPerson: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/white-house-denies-existence-of-karl-rove,3/ White House Denies Existence Of Karl Rove]]" |
| 1022 | * UnstoppableRage: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/twelve-customers-gunned-down-in-conveniencestore-c,339/ Twelve Customers Gunned Down In Convenience-Store Clerk's Imagination]]". |
| 1023 | * UnwittingInstigatorOfDoom: According to "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/recent-rise-in-international-disputes-traced-back,2774/ Recent Rise In International Disputes Traced Back To Cute U.N. Tour Guide]]", many recent political conflicts began because various international delegates suddenly found themselves smitten with an attractive U.N. tour guide passing by, and became too DistractedByTheSexy to do their jobs properly. |
| 1024 | * UpdatedRerelease: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/classic-movie-avatar-updated-for-todays-audiences,18052/ Classic Movie 'Avatar' Updated For Today's Audiences]]". |
| 1025 | * UselessAccessory: "[[http://www.theonion.com/graphic/badass-surgeon-puts-fingerless-latex-gloves-operat-54160 Badass Surgeon Puts On Fingerless Latex Gloves Before Operating]]" |
| 1026 | * VaguenessIsComing: "[[https://www.theonion.com/old-wizened-fantasy-character-confirms-that-the-darkne-1835153876 Old, Wizened Fantasy Character Confirms That The Darkness Is Rising]]". |
| 1027 | * ViewersAreGoldfish: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/fcc-all-programming-to-be-broadcast-in-adhdtv-by-2,1841/ FCC: All Programming To Be Broadcast In ADHDTV By 2007]]". |
| 1028 | * ViewersAreMorons: |
| 1029 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/microsoft-word-now-includes-squiggly-blue-line-to,19739/ Microsoft Word Now Includes Squiggly Blue Line To Alert Writer When Word Is Too Advanced For Mainstream Audience]]". |
| 1030 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/onion-weather-center-we-dumb-it-down-the-best-we-c,29507/ Onion Weather Center: We Dumb It Down The Best We Can For Our Viewers In The Deep South]]" |
| 1031 | * VillainHasAPoint: |
| 1032 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-authorities-cant-really-fault-alqaeda-for-deadl,19105/ U.S. Authorities Can't Really Fault Al-Qaeda For Deadly Bombing Of Carnival Cruise Ship]]": |
| 1033 | --->Following Monday's deadly terrorist attack on a Carnival Cruise Line ship, U.S. officials have had difficulty issuing a stern condemnation of the incident, saying that while any act of terrorism is inexcusable, they couldn't completely blame al-Qaeda for wanting to blow up what is essentially a giant, floating symbol of everything that is truly god-awful about America. |
| 1034 | ** "Hostage Negotiator Has To Admit Terrorist Has Good Point": |
| 1035 | --->"Well, I don't approve of threatening the lives of over 300 innocent civilians, but I have to agree that the Turkish troops have no business being in Cyprus, the only European country occupied by a foreign army." |
| 1036 | * VillainWithGoodPublicity: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/pr-firm-kills-innocent-child,20226/ PR Firm Kills Innocent Child]]". |
| 1037 | * VisualPun: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/guy-who-normally-holds-up-letter-d-sick-this-week,18404 Guy Who Normally Holds Up Letter 'D' Sick This Week]]". |
| 1038 | * WackyFratboyHijinx: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30685 Online University Cracks Down on Rowdy Online Fraternity]]". |
| 1039 | * WalkingTechbane: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/my-computer-totally-hates-me-vs-god-do-i-hate-that,11538/ My Computer Totally Hates Me! vs. God, Do I Hate That Bitch]]". |
| 1040 | * WallOfText: |
| 1041 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nation_shudders_at_large_block_of Nation Shudders At Large Block Of Uninterrupted Text]]". |
| 1042 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/frustrated-obama-sends-nation-rambling-75000word-e,18516/ Frustrated Obama Sends Nation Rambling 75,000-Word E-Mail]]". |
| 1043 | * WakingUpAtTheMorgue: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nude-biden-wakes-up-on-cold-slab-in-dc-morgue,34243/ Nude Biden Wakes Up On Cold Slab In D.C. Morgue]]" |
| 1044 | * WantsAPrizeForBasicDecency: |
| 1045 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/chauvin-defense-team-praises-officer-s-restraint-in-not-1846599521 Chauvin Defense Team Praises Officer's Restraint In Not Killing Bystanders]]": |
| 1046 | --->"Mr. Chauvin was under a staggering amount of stress at the time, and the fact that not everybody was gunned down in a bloodbath is just proof of his exceptional professionalism. It is clear Derek Chauvin is a highly self-disciplined man, as any average police officer would have shot the bystanders in the back the moment they turned away." |
| 1047 | ** "[[https://www.theonion.com/local-priest-takes-great-pride-in-never-having-molested-1849463319 Local Priest Takes Great Pride In Never Having Molested Anyone]]". |
| 1048 | * WealthyYachtOwner: |
| 1049 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/rising-income-inequality-causing-wealthy-americans,37652/ Rising Income Inequality Causing Wealthy Americans To Take On Second Sailboat]]". |
| 1050 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/article/rich-guy-wins-yacht-race-620 Rich Guy Wins Yacht Race]]". |
| 1051 | * WeCanRuleTogether: "[[https://www.theonion.com/take-your-place-by-my-side-and-we-can-rule-new-york-fo-1847466594 'Take Your Place By My Side And We Can Rule New York Forever,' Says Covid To Disgraced, Vengeful Andrew Cuomo]]". |
| 1052 | * WeddingDeadline: Revealed at the end in "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/im-sure-that-outofcontrol-waterskier-will-avoid-ou,11403/ I'm Sure That Out-Of-Control Water-Skier Will Avoid Our Outdoor Wedding]]", who is imminently going to ruin the wedding, [[spoiler:The protagonist was "forced to leave my first love, a working-class Irish bootblack named Patrick, to marry a rich man who pleased my father but whom I could never truly love, [...] Patrick, who just so happens to be that same directionless water-skier.]] Yes, nothing can go wrong now." |
| 1053 | * WellDoneSonGuy: |
| 1054 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/romney-spends-day-tearfully-apologizing-at-fathers,30312/ Romney Spends Day Tearfully Apologizing At Father's Grave]]". |
| 1055 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/nascar-drivers-parents-pay-for-congratulatory-mess,27401/ NASCAR Driver [Aric Almirola]'s Parents Pay For Congratulatory Message On Side Of Son's Car]]". |
| 1056 | * WeWillUseWikiWordsInTheFuture: [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKC21wDarBo Future News 2137]] has the anchors and interviewees using words like "Frustrage" and "Criticalism". |
| 1057 | * WhamLine: |
| 1058 | ** The very last line of the aforementioned "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/cult-divided-on-whether-to-let-women-become-telepa,17842/ Cult Divided On Whether To Let Women Become Telepathic-Vision Clerics]]" article. [[spoiler:"This whole argument will be moot in six days when we board up the windows and [[ManOnFire burn ourselves alive."]]]] |
| 1059 | ** From the Onion's Trump Documents "leak", "[[http://www.theonion.com/live/theseus-protocol-55948/entry/329 Theseus Protocol Memos]]": |
| 1060 | --->"The Director is a very powerful man, and while we're going to see our share of powerful people over the next few months and years, he is a bit of a special one! As Lori found out, he is used to being obeyed -- and NOT used to anyone looking directly into any of his eyes. [[spoiler:While we'll all miss Lori, this incident is a good reminder that we are in the big time now and what happened to her could happen to anybody. Speaking of which, don't be the one who spreads nasty office gossip. [[NothingIsScarier I heard the same things you've heard, but I choose to believe she was just fired. Are we clear on that]]?]]" |
| 1061 | ** "[[https://local.theonion.com/car-ride-devoted-to-explaining-what-things-will-be-diff-1834673027 Car Ride Devoted To Explaining What Things Will Be Different About Grandma This Visit]]", has Wendy Gritton telling her children that their grandmother's health has been declining. [[TheEndingChangesEverything It ends with]] "At press time, Gritton and her kids had finally arrived [[spoiler:at their grandmother's funeral]]." |
| 1062 | * WhatCouldHaveBeen: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/97yearold-dies-unaware-of-being-violin-prodigy,18194/ 97-Year-Old Dies Unaware Of Being Violin Prodigy]]". |
| 1063 | * WhatCouldPossiblyGoWrong: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-10-million-killed-annually-by-stepping-out,17949/ Report: 10 Million Killed Annually By Stepping Out Of Comfort Zones]]". |
| 1064 | * WhatDoYouMeanItsNotDidactic: InUniverse. |
| 1065 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/25742 I Appreciate The Muppets On A Much Deeper Level Than You]]". |
| 1066 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39205 Freshman Term Paper Discovers Something Totally New About 'Silas Marner']]". |
| 1067 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27794 Grad Student Deconstructs Take-Out Menu]]". |
| 1068 | ** RealLife example: An article was used for the 2005 English Language and Composition Advanced Placement exam... meaning that there was actually something to analyze in that article. |
| 1069 | * WhatDoesSheSeeInHim: "[[https://entertainment.theonion.com/relationship-experts-still-no-closer-to-discovering-wha-1834898222 Relationship Experts Still No Closer To Discovering What Scarlett Johansson Sees In Colin Jost]]". |
| 1070 | * WhenAllYouHaveIsAHammer: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/if-i-had-one-piece-of-advice-for-todays-youth-it-w,18438/ If I Had One Piece Of Advice For Today's Youth, It Would Be To Throw A Baseball Really, Really Well]]". |
| 1071 | * WhereAreTheyNowEpilogue: "[[http://www.theonion.com/video/huffington-post-completes-63-million-page-where-ar,31025/ Huffington Post Completes 63 Million Page 'Where Are They Now' Slideshow Of Every Celebrity Ever]]". |
| 1072 | * WhoShotJFK: "Our Dumb Century" has a story about JFK being shot by practically every single individual or organization that conspiracy theories accuse of his assassination. |
| 1073 | * WholePlotReference: |
| 1074 | ** Apple iPhone fever as ''Literature/TheEmperorsNewClothes'' in "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/apple_claims_new_iphone_only Apple Claims New iPhone Only Visible To Most Loyal Of Customers]]". |
| 1075 | ** A combination of ''WesternAnimation/{{Aladdin}}'', ''WesternAnimation/TheLittleMermaid1989'' and ''WesternAnimation/{{Pocahontas}}'': "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/lovestruck-arabian-princess-begs-father-to-spare-j,38439/ Lovestruck Arabian Princess Begs Father To Spare John Kerry's Life]]". |
| 1076 | * WildChild: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPJtg_-PtDQ Girl Raised From Birth By Wolf Blitzer Taken Into Protective Custody]]". |
| 1077 | * WildTeenParty: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-lowers-drinking-age-to-17-just-for-jennys,2533/ Congress Lowers Drinking Age To 17 Just For Jenny's Party]]". |
| 1078 | * WishingForMoreWishes: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2OObOM3R_U Child Bankrupts Make-A-Wish Foundation with Wish for Unlimited Wishes]]". |
| 1079 | * AWizardDidIt: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sci_fi_writer_attributes?utm_source=a-section Sci-fi Writer Attributes Everything Mysterious To 'Quantum Flux']]". |
| 1080 | * TheWoobie: InUniverse, "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/awkward-new-international-student-saw-his-entire-f,33589/ Awkward New International Student Saw His Entire Family Murdered In The Congo]]". |
| 1081 | * WordSaladPhilosophy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/raving-lunatic-obviously-took-some-advanced-physic,1145/ Raving Lunatic Obviously Took Some Advanced Physics]]". |
| 1082 | * WorldOfWeirdness: The entire body of work could be seen as a serious news source from a crazy alternate world. |
| 1083 | * TheWormGuy: "[[https://youtu.be/qXD9HnrNrvk Expert Wasted Entire Life Studying Anteaters]]". |
| 1084 | * WrongGenreSavvy: "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-who-will-die-in-great-eastern-seaboard-flood-o,30726/ Man Who Will Die In Great Eastern Seaboard Flood Of 2023 Preparing For Mayan Apocalypse]]". |
| 1085 | * XtremeKoolLetterz: "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/news/alphabet_updated_with_15_exciting Alphabet Updated With 15 Exciting New Replacement Letters]]". |
| 1086 | * YouCantFightFate: |
| 1087 | ** Most of the [[http://www.theonion.com/features/horoscope/ horoscope entries]], although [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-january-18-2011,18855/ this list's Scorpio]] is probably the most blunt example. |
| 1088 | --->Saturn rising in your sign will subject you to the powerful force of Fate, which everybody knows is stronger by far than electromagnetism, gravity, or the nuclear strong and weak forces. |
| 1089 | ** Inverted in [[http://www.theonion.com/articles/your-horoscopes-week-of-september-11-2012,29525/ this list's Pisces.]] |
| 1090 | --->Try as they might, the stars can't see the point in telling you about next week. You'll just do whatever you damn well please, anyway. |
| 1091 | * YouHaveOutlivedYourUsefulness: "[[https://local.theonion.com/all-of-area-mans-hard-work-finally-pays-off-for-employe-1819573184 All Of Area Man's Hard Work Finally Pays Off For Employer]]" ends with the following depressing sentence. |
| 1092 | -->According to the CEO, Hemstead's contributions to Pinnacle Insurance will pay even greater dividends when he is let go and replaced with a college graduate willing to work for half the salary, allowing Pardahee to give himself a substantial raise.%% |
| 1093 | * YouNoTakeCandle: |
| 1094 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/audio/fire-hot-14061 Fire Hot]]" is presented like a caveman talking about fire. |
| 1095 | ** "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Lsi4xh0PjE Republicans Reach Out To Women With New 'No Punch Pretty Lady' Bill]]" features a congressman talking like this. |
| 1096 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/this-what-world-like-now,32068/ This What World Like Now]]" is a title-only example. |
| 1097 | * ZombieApocalypse: |
| 1098 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/content/node/41676 Study Reveals Pittsburgh Unprepared For Full-Scale Zombie Attack]]". |
| 1099 | ** "[[http://www.theonion.com/articles/low-voter-turnout-blamed-on-electionday-zombie-att,1102/ Low Voter Turnout Blamed On Election-Day Zombie Attacks]]". |
| 1100 | [[/folder]] |
| 1101 |
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