Line #1 Website/ChuckNorrisFacts


1	->'''[[Creator/SylvesterStallone Barney Ross]]:''' I heard another rumor. That you were bitten by a king cobra.\
2	'''[[Creator/ChuckNorris Booker]]:''' Yeah, I was. But after five days of agonizing pain... the cobra died.
3	-->-- ''Film/TheExpendables2''
4
5	The first well-known MemeticBadass site, which makes up tall tales about the actor Creator/ChuckNorris, especially based on clips from the series ''Series/WalkerTexasRanger''. The site is a spin-off of the Creator/VinDiesel Facts site, which focused as much on bizarre and improbable facts about its target actor as badassery. Both trace their lineage to the "Bill Brasky" sketches on ''Series/SaturdayNightLive'' in which four men would take turns relating facts and anecdotes about their cartoonishly larger-than-life friend Bill Brasky.
6
7	The site has been noted elsewhere, such as on ''Series/TheDailyShow'' and ''Website/ChannelAwesome''. It's influenced the long-running "Advertising/TheMostInterestingManInTheWorld" ad campaign for Dos Equis beer. Chuck Norris himself has taken the site with good humor and seems to enjoy the extra media attention.
8
9	[[https://chucknorrisfacts.net/ Click here for the website]].
10	----
11	!!Chuck Norris provides examples of:
12	* AlwaysSomeoneBetter:
13	** Why does Chuck Norris have a beard? Because his chin was less manly than Creator/BruceCampbell's.
14	** Creator/BruceLee defeated Chuck Norris in ''Film/WayOfTheDragon'' - and [[HumbleHero Chuck has claimed]] that [[GracefulLoser Bruce could have defeated him in real life as well]].
15	** One popular meme reveals that only 1 person has made Chuck Norris afraid. And that person was...''Creator/BettyWhite''.
16	* AntiHumor: "[[https://www.reddit.com/r/CroppedNorrisJokes/ Cropped Norris Jokes]]", which take out half the joke, resulting in them turning into TriviallyObvious statements or complete nonsense.
17	* AnArmAndALeg: Chuck Norris lost both legs in a car accident but was still able to WalkItOff. When [[InvokedTrope listing this fact in his book]], Chuck admits that it may come across as [[DudeNotFunny insensitive to actual limb amputation victims]].
18	* AnotherDimension: Chuck Norris once gave a roundhouse kick to Mr. T's chin at the exact moment Creator/MrT punched Chuck Norris in the face. The resulting implosion created an alternate dimension where Mr. T gives people roundhouse kicks to the face and Chuck Norris pities fools.
19	* AscendedMeme: The real Chuck is well aware of the jokes, and finds them hilarious.
20	** Chuck Norris has published ''The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book: 101 of Chuck's Favorite Facts and Stories'', which lists 101 facts and adds anecdotes from Chuck's RealLife relating to those facts.
21	** One of the Chuck Norris facts (specifically, the one where a snake died after biting him) is mentioned in ''Film/TheExpendables2''.
22	* AsskickingLeadsToLeadership: America is not a democracy. It is a Chucktatorship.
23	* AtopAMountainOfCorpses: ''Film/BrokebackMountain'' is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
24	* AwardSnub: [[InvokedTrope Justified]]. Chuck Norris never won an Academy Award for acting in any of his action movies - because he's not acting.
25	* AwesomenessIsVolatile: When Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar, the place exploded due to not being able to contain that much awesomeness.
26	* BadassBiker: Chuck Norris can ride a motor without the cycle.
27	* BadassBookworm: Chuck Norris knows every word in the dictionary except for "mercy."
28	* BeatStillMyHeart: On Valentine's Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still-beating heart of one of his enemies. (Being the romantic type, Chuck believes every day should be Valentine's Day.)
29	* BeyondTheImpossible:
30	** Chuck Norris expected UsefulNotes/TheSpanishInquisition, which says something about his abilities. For other examples, see the other tropes. The nutshell is "It's only impossible until Chuck Norris tries."
31	** He also found the end of a rainbow. At night.
32	** Chuck Norris can strangle you to death with a cordless phone.
33	* BigEater: Chuck Norris eats three 16-oz. steaks for every meal. Sometimes he forgets to kill the cow first.
34	* BigFancyHouse: Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
35	* BlasphemousBoast:
36	--> TheThreeWiseMen stepped forward to approach the manger containing the baby UsefulNotes/{{Jesus}}. The first Wise Man, Caspar, offered Jesus a gift of gold; the second Wise Man, Melchior, offered Jesus a gift of frankincense; and the third Wise Man, Balthasar, offered Jesus a gift of myrrh.\
37	Then Chuck Norris stepped forward, and he gave baby Jesus the gift of [[ManlyFacialHair beard]], which Jesus would carry with him all the days of his life. The three Wise Men were so outraged by the preference given to his gift over theirs that they conspired to have Chuck written out of Literature/TheBible. All three were later found to have died of mysterious roundhouse-kick-related injuries.
38	* BlazingInfernoHellfireSauce:
39	** Chuck Norris invented napalm as a cure for heartburn.
40	** Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce for eye drops.
41	* BornLucky: Chuck Norris once broke a mirror over the head of a black cat while standing under a staircase on Friday the 13th. The next morning he won the lottery.
42	* CharlesAtlasSuperpower: When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.
43	* CheckAndMate: Chuckmate! You lose!
44	* CheeseEatingSurrenderMonkeys:
45	** When an episode of ''Series/WalkerTexasRanger'' was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris, just to be on the safe side.
46	** Remember the Soviet Union? They disbanded after watching a ''[[Film/TheDeltaForce Delta Force]]'' marathon on satellite TV.
47	* CureForCancer: Chuck Norris' tears. [[MenDontCry Too bad he never cries]].
48	* DealWithTheDevil: Chuck Norris once made a deal with the Devil to receive some of his best attributes in exchange for his soul. He then roundhouse-kicked the Devil in the face and took his soul back. The Devil admitted that he should have seen it coming, [[GracefulLoser accepted his defeat gracefully]], and now plays poker with Chuck once a week.
49	* {{Determinator}}: Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
50	* DidYouJustPunchOutCthulhu: Chuck Norris did and Cthulhu died.
51	* TheDreaded: Even TheGrimReaper and the {{Bogeyman}} are afraid of him!
52	-->''"Chuck Norris died 20 years ago; Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet."''\
53	''"When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."''
54	* DudeNotFunny: InvokedTrope in his book, where he mentions that some of the facts are "inappropriate" and specifically notes the example listed under AnArmAndALeg as potentially offending actual military veterans disabled by war wounds. He's also not a fan of the facts which are [[BlasphemousBoast Blasphemous Boasts]].
55	* ElvisImpersonator: Inverted. Elvis never lived. He was just another manifestation of Chuck Norris.
56	* TheFourthWallWillNotProtectYou: Chuck Norris is right behind you.
57	* FrivolousLawsuit: Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming [[Series/LawAndOrder "Law" and "Order"]] are trademarked names for his left and right legs[=/=]fists.
58	* FinalBattle: Subverted. One time Chuck Norris invited all of TV's badasses to an all-out brawl-for-all to determine who was the supreme badass. Unfortunately, only two of them dared showed up: Series/{{MacGyver\|1985}} and [[Series/TwentyFour Jack Bauer]]. And when they saw who the competition was, they scampered.
59	* FingerGun: Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger by yelling, "Bang!"
60	* GagPenis: A variant. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong to a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by five. There are, however, many jokes which ''do'' involve his penis.
61	** Chuck Norris is responsible for the invention of the "yard", as it was easier than saying, "Hi, my name is Chuck Norris, and my dick is three feet long".
62	** He also once walked down a street with an erection. There were no survivors.
63	* {{God}}: In the beginning, there was nothing. Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked that nothingness in the face and said, "Get a job." That is the origin of the universe.
64	** When God said: "Let there be light", Chuck Norris answered: "Say "please"."
65	* GodModeSue:
66	** The whole site [[InvokedTrope invokes]] this InUniverse as a [[ParodiedTrope parody]].
67	** In his appearance on ''{{VideoGame/MUGEN}}'', he is quite literally invincible — nothing short of a character that uses a registry modifier to make him automatically lose will kill him.
68	* GooGooGodlike: Chuck Norris delivered himself and afterwards drove his mother home.
69	** When Chuck Norris was born, the only one who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
70	* GreenAesop: Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
71	* TheGrimReaper: Chuck Norris portrayed Death in ''Franchise/FinalDestination''. That's why everytime someone cheats Death, they're dead. Because nobody cheats Chuck Norris and lives.
72	* GroundPunch: There were no nuclear bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
73	* HoistByHisOwnPetard: Chuck Norris was once bitten by a king cobra. After five days of agonizing pain, [[BaitAndSwitch the cobra died]].
74	* HollywoodEvolution: There is no evolution — it's just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. Chuck Norris himself [[ConversationalTroping used this fact]] to explain his own creationist views.
75	* HollywoodHeartAttack: Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't foolish enough to attack him.
76	* HurlItIntoTheSun:
77	** Once per year Chuck Norris selects one lucky kid to be thrown into the sun.
78	** In ''VideoGame/{{MUGEN}}'', he does [[ColonyDrop the opposite]]- he drops the sun on you for a OneHitKill.
79	** In his appearance in ''WebAnimation/DeathBattle'', this actually happens to Chuck courtesy of ''Advertising/SegataSanshiro'' (Whom is widely considered to be the one man who can match him). He comes out just fine, however.
80	* IdealizedSex: When Chuck Norris has sex, he is always on top. Chuck Norris never fucks up.
81	* IDontLikeTheSoundOfThatPlace: Downplayed. There used to be a bridge named after Chuck Norris. Although it didn't really sound bad, it still had to be renamed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
82	* ImmuneToBullets:
83	** If Chuck Norris gets shot today, tomorrow will be the bullet's funeral.
84	** Chuck Norris blocks bullets with his beard. UsefulNotes/AbrahamLincoln prefers [[AlwaysSomeoneBetter instead]] to [[WebVideo/EpicRapBattlesOfHistory catch them]] with [[DeathAsComedy his skull]].
85	* InSpiteOfANail: Chuck travelled back in time and saved John F Kennedy by catching all the bullets with his beard. JFK was so surprised, his head exploded.
86	* IntimidatingRevenueService: Inverted. On tax day, Chuck Norris sends the IRS blank forms and includes [[SeanConneryIsAboutToShootYou a photo of himself crouched down and ready to attack]]. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes. Ever.
87	* LamarckWasRight: Chuck Norris fathered [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Greatest_Generation the Greatest Generation]]. That's why they were so tough.
88	* LanternJawOfJustice[=/=]MultiArmedAndDangerous: There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
89	* LightEmUp: Chuck Norris can cast [[Franchise/HarryPotter Patronus]]. His Patronus' form? Neville Longbottom.
90	* LogicBomb:
91	** Chuck Norris doesn't divide by zero — Zero divides by Chuck Norris.
92	** Chuck Norris has counted to infinity ''thrice''. The last time he did it backwards.
93	** Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
94	** Chuck Norris holds all records in the Guinness Book (with those mentioned in the articles being the runners-up) — meaning, among other things, that he is simultaneously the world's tallest and shortest man (and woman).
95	** For some men, one testicle is larger than the other. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the others.
96	** He's also found the square root of the color yellow.
97	** He also knows the last numeral of pi.
98	** Chuck Norris doesn't move a muscle to go places. The universe moves for him.
99	** He takes 20 minutes to pass one hour.
100	** If it were possible for Chuck Norris to [[MirrorMatch fight himself]], he would win. Period.
101	* MadeOfIron: When Chuck Norris wants to shave, he gives himself a roundhouse kick to the face — because only Chuck Norris can cut Chuck Norris.
102	* ManlyFacialHair: As a symbol of masculinity, Chuck's beard is referenced by many Chuck Norris facts.
103	* MemeticBadass: [[InvokedTrope The whole purpose]] of the site is to make jokes about how Chuck Norris is badass.
104	* MoonwalkDance: Chuck Norris invented the Moonwalk, and it went forward. When Music/MichaelJackson used a backward version in one of his performances, Chuck threatened to roundhouse kick him off the stage if he tried it again. Michael got so scared, he [[DiseaseBleach turned white]].
105	* MoreDakka: Chuck Norris can fire five machine guns at the same time - one in [[GunsAkimbo each hand]], one in [[ArmedLegs each foot]], and he roundhouse kicks the fifth into the air so it sprays bullets in all directions.
106	* MortonsFork: If you can see Chuck Norris, then he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, then you may be only seconds away from death.
107	* MotherOfAThousandYoung: Gender-inverted. Chuck Norris is single-handedly responsible for the overpopulation of China. He attended a martial arts tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles spontaneously became pregnant.
108	* MustHaveCaffeine: Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his rage.
109	* MyOwnGrampa: It is an accepted impossibility for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The current scientific consensus is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
110	* NearDeathExperience: Inverted. [[TheGrimReaper Death]] once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
111	* {{Ninja}}: All ninjas want to grow up to be like Chuck Norris, but most grow up only to be killed by Chuck Norris.
112	* NothingIsScarier: [[DefiedTrope Defied]]. When Chuck Norris learned that [[LiteralMetaphor nothing can kill him]], he tracked down nothing and killed ''it''.
113	* NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer: Chuck Norris sang the theme song to ''Series/WalkerTexasRanger''. This is not a joke. He actually [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] sang it.
114	* {{Omniglot}}: Spoofed in one entry, which states "Chuck Norris can speak Russian... in Chinese."
115	* OnceKilledAManWithANoodleImplement:
116	** In an average room, there are 1,217 objects that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.
117	** One day, Chuck Norris plucked a hair from his beard and [[ImpaledWithExtremePrejudice skewered three men through the heart]] with it.
118	* OneManArmy:
119	** Plenty of jokes are about how Chuck can take on armies without breaking a sweat.
120	** When Chuck Norris first visited Iraq in 2006-2007, a RealLife [[UsefulNotes/YanksWithTanks American soldier]] was filmed holding a sign that read, "The War Is Over - Chuck Norris Is Here" - Chuck Norris mentions this man and the sign[[labelnote:Note]]He [[BeamMeUpScotty misquotes the sign]] as reading, "Chuck Norris is here! We can go home now!"[[/labelnote]] in ''The Official Chuck Norris Fact Book'', with the comment, "[[WarIsHell I wish that were true]]."
121	* PaintingTheMedium: One Chuck Norris fact is written in upside-down letters, saying that Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked this fact.
122	* PillowPistol: Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
123	* PopularSayingBut:
124	** When the going gets tough, the tough get Chuck Norris.
125	** ThePenIsMightier than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.
126	* {{Portmanteau}}: Someone once made a videotape of Chuck Norris getting pissed off. The title? ''[[Series/WalkerTexasRanger Walker]]: [[Film/TheTexasChainsawMassacre Texas Chainsaw Massacre]]''.
127	* PowerSource: A Chuck Norris roundhouse kick, if tapped, could provide enough electrical energy to power all of UsefulNotes/NewYorkCity for 45 minutes.
128	* PreAsskickingOneLiner: Ask Chuck Norris what time it is and he'll always say "Two seconds 'til." When you ask "Two seconds 'til ''what''?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
129	* TheProblemWithFightingDeath: Averted. Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He defeats it fair and square.
130	* ProductPlacement:
131	** Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
132	** Chuck Norris CAN eat just one Lays potato chip.
133	** Chuck Norris CAN see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
134	** Chuck Norris CAN hear you now.
135	** The new ad campaign for Era detergent uses Chuck Norris Facts, labeling the detergent as "Chuck Norris approved."
136	** The memetic Chuck Norris appears in a ''VideoGame/WorldOfWarcraft'' commercial as a Hunter (except he doesn't hunt because the word "hunt" implies the possibility of failure). He spends the entire commercial hanging out with a tiger and roundhouse-kicking everything in sight. The only reason there are 10 million ''WOW'' players is because he allows them to live.
137	** Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a [[RecursiveFanfiction Total Gym]].
138	* ReadingYourRights: When the police stop Chuck Norris, they say "We have the right to remain silent."
139	* RealityWarper: Chucktanium, a substance found in Chuck Norris' legs, allows him to warp reality whenever he kicks someone.
140	* RefugeInAudacity: It would not be unreasonable to assume the site is not meant to be taken seriously.
141	* RoundhouseKick: Many jokes make it one of Norris' most almighty moves.
142	* RuleOfCool: Basically, every joke is either RuleOfCool or RuleOfFunny.
143	* RushmoreRefacement: Subverted. They wanted to put Chuck Norris on Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't tough enough for his beard.
144	* RussianReversal:
145	** In Soviet Russia, [[ZigZaggingTrope roundhouse kick Chuck Norrises you]].
146	** When Chuck Norris is bitten by a zombie, he doesn't turn into a zombie. The zombie turns into Chuck Norris, instead.
147	* SentientCosmicForce: Chuck Norris appears in every ''Franchise/StarWars'' media, from both ''[[Franchise/StarWarsLegends Legends]]'' and [[Franchise/StarWarsExpandedUniverse canon]]. He is the Force itself.
148	* ShoutOut:
149	** Chuck Norris shaves using [[Franchise/FridayThe13th Jason's]] machete, combs his hair using [[Franchise/ANightmareOnElmStreet Freddy's]] glove, and flosses his teeth using [[Franchise/{{Hellraiser}} Pinhead's]] chains.
150	** Chuck Norris is [[Series/DiffrentStrokes what Willis was talkin' 'bout]].
151	** Chuck Norris is the reason [[Literature/WheresWally Waldo]] is hiding.
152	* SignatureMove: Just try to count how many times Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicks someone. By the time you finish, he'll have added at least a dozen to the tally.
153	* TheSleepless:
154	** Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
155	** Chuck Norris once ate many sleeping pills just to try to sleep. The pills only made him blink.
156	* SmokingHotSex: {{Parodied}}. Rather than having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle.
157	* SociopathicHero: Many of the Chuck Norris facts involve him giving people roundhouse kicks to the face for little if any reason.
158	* SpinAttack: The power of Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is powerful enough to break the time-space barrier, knock out Amelia Earhart, and crash her plane, probably because the amount of energy released in one of his kicks is equivalent to the amount released in the Big Bang.
159	* StaringDownCthulhu:
160	** Chuck Norris stared evil in the eye, and it went into hiding.
161	** Chuck Norris once had a staring contest with {{Medusa}}, and won.
162	* StealingTheHandicappedSpot: The handicapped sign does not indicate a parking space reserved for handicapped people. It indicates that the space is reserved for Chuck Norris, and if you park there, he will make you handicapped.
163	* SuperSenses: Chuck Norris ''can'' [[MemeticMutation see]] Wrestling/JohnCena when {{Muggles}} can't.
164	* SuperSpeed:
165	** Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
166	** Chuck Norris once had a race against time. The result? Time is still running.
167	* SuperStrength: When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he isn't pushing himself up. He's pushing the Earth down. Chuck actually put together [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9Eo-TbivU4 a video demonstrating this fact]] as a gift to [[DelicateAndSickly a hospitalized boy]].
168	* SwissArmyTears: Chuck Norris's tears can [[CureForCancer cure cancer]]. Too bad he never cries.
169	* TankGoodness: Subverted. The [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M4_Sherman Sherman tank]] was originally going to be called the Norris tank, but Chuck ordered them to change the name because he found the tank to be weak and fragile. The U.S. Army officially apologized and promised to run future projects by him before using his name again. To date, no military weapon has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.
170	* TakeThat:
171	** Chuck Norris ordered [[WrongRestaurant a Big Mac at Burger King]] — and they gave it to him! ''And'' they got it '''right'''!
172	** Chuck Norris walked up to a Burger King at midnight and placed an order. When they told him (at the time) that they closed at ten, he roundhouse-kicked it so hard it became a Wendy's.
173	** A StrawFeminist once invited Chuck Norris to her house and challenged him to a duel. Not even 5 minutes later, he left her house [[StayInTheKitchen with a sandwich and his shirt ironed]].
174	* TestosteronePoisoning: Many of the jokes are about how impossibly manly he is, like never crying, ever.
175	* ThereAreTwoKindsOfPeopleInTheWorld:
176	** People who suck, and Chuck Norris.
177	** Alternately, women who want to have sex with Chuck Norris, and women who want to have sex with Chuck Norris ''again''.
178	** There are two kinds of bad guys, the ones who live, and the ones who meet Chuck Norris.
179	* TheThreeCertaintiesInLife: Nothing is certain in life except death, taxes, and a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
180	* ToiletHumor:
181	** Chuck Norris doesn't have to flush the toilet. He scares the shit out of it.
182	** They wanted to make a Chuck Norris-brand toilet paper. It was rough, it was tough, and it would not take shit from anyone.
183	* TongueTwister: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...[[HowManyAllOfThem All of it]].
184	* TouchedByVorlons: There are no steroids in baseball; only players that Chuck Norris has breathed on.
185	* TopTenList: Supposedly chosen by Chuck himself (at least a few were), and read by the man himself [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TA_hMq-JUOE here]].
186	* UnusualUserInterface: Chuck Norris' computer keyboard does not have a Ctrl button. Chuck Norris is always in control.
187	* WalkIntoMordor: [[Film/TheLordOfTheRings One does not simply walk into Mordor]], unless he's Chuck Norris.
188	* WalkingArmory: Chuck Norris doesn't need a weapon. He is one.
189	* WhiteCollarWorker: If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, [[ShmuckBait do not ask him for his three-hole punch]].
190	* WorthyOpponent: Creator/MrT and Advertising/SegataSanshiro.
191	* WrongRestaurant: Orders Whoppers from [=McDonalds=]. He usually gets them, but when denied, he kicks the place so hard it becomes a Taco Bell.
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Context Website / ChuckNorrisFacts