Line #30 WebVideo/TheHorriblySlowMurdererWithTheExtremelyInefficientWeapon


1	[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/a1cc49b67b1a939702be903087e1d314.jpg]]
2	[[caption-width-right:350:Yes, a knife would be faster, but this was the only cutlery he could find.]]
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4	''The Horribly Slow Murderer With the Extremely Inefficient Weapon'' started as a parody trailer that pokes fun at the {{horror}} genre, particularly the "TorturePorn" movies like ''Franchise/{{Saw}}'' and ''Film/{{Hostel}}'', which focused on, [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin well, see the title]]. It stars Paul Clemens as a man who is suddenly attacked by a supernatural being (Brian Rohan) for a (possibly imagined) slight against the Powers That Be. This attack is made with a normal spoon, the bowl struck sharply against the target's body, and is seldom ceased. The victim is sent spiraling past the brink of insanity from the constant flogging, and resorts to continually, and comedically, extreme lengths to get rid of his tormentor, all ending in failure, and in some cases even [[HoistByHisOwnPetard backfiring immensely]].
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6	After the immense success of [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VDvgL58h_Y the original parody trailer]] in October 2009, ''The Horribly Slow Murderer With the Extremely Inefficient Weapon'' (abbreviated HSMWEIW) has become a Website/YouTube series, including an "Ask Jack" featuring an interview with the victim, an interactive adventure [[FailureIsTheOnlyOption which cannot be won]], and a new mini-series called "Ginosaji Vs. Ginosaji".
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8	A ''real'' movie version, titled ''Ginosaji'', is currently in pre-production. [[https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/richardgale/ginosaji-the-horribly-slow-murderer-movie-project Here is the Kickstarter page for it.]] The campaign ended with 155.71% funding[[note]]That's $77,855 pledged of its $50,000 goal[[/note]], but additional funding for the movie can still be made through [[https://ginosaji.backerkit.com/hosted_preorders the Backerkit shop]], which has currently made more than $7,000 as of March 2017. In February 2020, Gale announced that the film is currently on hold due to a myriad of family emergencies, but has reassured people that it will still happen.
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10	----
11	!!Tropes featured in ''The Horribly Slow Murderer With the Extremely Inefficient Weapon'' include:
12	* AllJustADream: [[spoiler:[[Franchise/StarWars Spoon Wars]]]]. Even in his dreams, Jack can't fight off the Ginosaji.
13	* AlienBlood: The Ginosaji has black blood.
14	* AHandfulForAnEye: In Spoon Wars, Jack impales the Ginosaji with a lightsaber. The Ginosaji then spits a mouthful of black blood into Jack's eyes, blinding him.
15	* AwesomeButImpractical:
16	** All the Ginosaji does to bring Jack into this misery is whack him with a spoon; it does not use the spoon for any other methods of killing, such as [[CutHisHeartOutWithASpoon cutting his heart/eyes out with a spoon]]. The awesome part is... [[DontExplainTheJoke care to explain]]?
17	** The slow, slow, sloooow mental and physical torture.
18	* TheBadGuyWins: In all the videos so far.
19	* BeatThemAtTheirOwnGame: [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9-faa56l-s In this follow up.]] [[spoiler:It [[GoneHorriblyWrong doesn't work out]] for Jack.]]
20	* BigBad: The Ginosaji, an evil spirit who torments Jack for some unexplained reason.
21	* BigEater: Jack, because the fat tissue makes for a little protection from the spoon blows, and because he's developed an eating disorder for his torture.
22	* BilingualBonus: The victim in the story is Jack Cucchiaio. The murderer is called the Ginosaji. "Cucchiaio" and "Gin no saji" are Italian and Japanese, respectively, for "spoon" and "silver spoon". The seal that appears in the video repeatedly also says spoon as the English pronunciation (スプン, pronounced su-pu-n) in Japanese katakana. (It is not the native term for spoon, though.)
23	* BizarreAlienBiology: The Ginosaji has black blood and is filled with worms.
24	* BreakingTheFourthWall: At the end of the ''Kick Him in the Crotch'' interactive video, Jack's vomit repeatedly covers up the superimposed Try Again image. The narrator replaces the graphic each time, only for it to get covered in vomit again.
25	* CerebusSyndrome: By Ginosaji vs. Ginosaji, Jack's situation is so pitiful that it's becoming hard to find it funny, culminating in him being dragged an indeterminate amount of miles by a bus (while still being hit with a spoon) and then suffocated (while still being hit with a spoon) to the point that he hallucinates about a "happy place," only to wake up in a full body cast [[RuleOfThree (while still being hit with a spoon)]]. He attempts to kill himself by jumping off a building... which still fails. It's hard not to feel sorry for him, even though his plight is PlayedForLaughs.
26	* CherryTapping: It's hard to imagine a less effective and more humiliating way to kill somebody.
27	* CruelAndUnusualDeath: Jack will die by being hit by a spoon... eventually. It's especially cruel since the Ginosaji actually prevents Jack from killing himself at different points in the trailer. Not only will the killer eventually kill Jack, he won't allow him any opportunity to cheat the Ginosaji of delivering the death blow.
28	* CutHisHeartOutWithASpoon: Or being beaten to death by one. The story manages to explore how this can be PlayedForLaughs (it's the epitome of CoolButInefficient) and PlayedForHorror (the spoon is wielded by an ImplacableMan, so it doesn't matter how stupid it looks, death ''will'' happen, and it ''won't'' be pretty. At one point Jack even [[DrivenToSuicide tries to kill himself]] because [[MercyKill it's the only way he can see his torment ending]] -- [[InescapableHorror but the Ginosaji denies this to him]]).
29	* CutPhoneLines: Spoofed; it takes a long time when you try cutting it with a spoon, but Jack can't get through anyway, because the police hang up once he mentions that his attacker is only hitting him with a spoon.
30	* DeathOfAThousandCuts: The Ginosaji does this to Jack, though replace "cuts" with "billions upon billions of whacks with a spoon". Worse? Jack starts vomiting actual blood after being hit in the same spot a thousand times too many.
31	* {{Determinator}}: The Ginosaji will not stop. Ever. The dark energies animating his body will not allow rest... neither for him, nor Jack.
32	* DrivenToSuicide: Jack tries to shoot himself at one point. The Ginosaji knocks the gun out of his hand...with a spoon.
33	* DualWielding: In the sequel, [[spoiler:Jack gets a spoon to fight against the swatter and he winds up losing the spoon to him]].
34	* EpicMovie: "A major motion picture event, twelve years in the making, filmed on five continents, with a running time of ''[[EndingFatigue over nine hours]]''."
35	* EvenEvilHasStandards: At least to the extent that even the Ginosaji seems to visibly cringe when Jack saws through his own crotch. Not that it changed anything in the end.
36	* ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin: The plot is about Jack suffering an excruciatingly slow death by spoon over the course of years.
37	* FaceHeelTurn: [[spoiler:Jack decides to "become" a Ginosaji to stop the torment. [[HilarityEnsues It doesn't work. At all.]]]]
38	* FailureIsTheOnlyOption: All of Jack's attempts to escape his fate whether it be killing the Ginosaji, killing himself, or trying to trick the Ginosaji usually backfire horribly and only cause him more pain.
39	* FromBadToWorse: The result of pretty much anything Jack tries to fight the Ginosaji.
40	* FunWithAcronyms: Chaotic Rampage American Pictures.
41	* FunnySpoon: Funny to the audience, that is. Not so much for Jack.
42	* {{Glamour}}: The Ginosaji has some sort of supernatural effect that prevents it from being witnessed by anyone other than its victim. Jack tries to photograph it but it comes out as a blurry picture, Jack runs across a crowded beach with no one noticing the Ginosaji chasing him, and a piece of art early on in the second trailer has the Ginosaji attacking someone to an indifferent crowd.
43	* GoneHorriblyWrong: In "Save Jack: The Interactive Adventure", the [[spoiler:"Wear Protective Clothing" option backfires on Jack since the noise from his helmet being whacked with a spoon drives him to madness. It's so horrible that he ''begs'' the Ginosaji to go back to beating the rest of his body. The Ginosaji, realizing the [[FateWorseThanDeath helmet beating is more effective torture]], ignores him and even [[ColdBloodedTorture puts the helmet back on Jack when he tries to take it off]].]]
44	* GroinAttack:
45	** Inverted, as the Ginosaji throws the spoon at Jack, armed with a buzzsaw... and Jack winds up cutting his own testes off.
46	** In "Save Jack: The Interactive Adventure", if the "Wear Protective Clothing" option is picked, the Ginosaji hits Jack in the groin before he can put on his cup. If the "Kick him in the Crotch" option is picked, [[spoiler:it [[{{Squick}} backfires horribly]]]].
47	* HiddenAgendaVillain: It's never revealed why the Ginosaji has it in for Jack.
48	* HoistByHisOwnPetard: Hilariously [[AvertedTrope averted]] (yet also played straight) in the follow-up video ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9-faa56l-s Spoon vs Spoon]]'', in which Jack decides to attack the Ginosaji with its own weapon: a spoon. [[spoiler:The Ginosaji merely knocks it out of his hand, picks it up, and starts beating him up with both spoons.]]
49	* HopeSpot:
50	** At the end of the original trailer, [[spoiler:the spoon breaks and Jack looks relieved that his torment has finally ended, then the Ginosaji unzips his hoodie and reveals he has at least a dozen more spoons strapped to his chest]].
51	** In "Save Jack: The Interactive Adventure", picking the Giant Magnet option will lead to this. The magnet actually works and stops the Ginosaji from using his spoons [[spoiler:until he pulls out a ''wooden'' spoon. To Jack's dismay, being beaten with a big wooden spoon is even more painful than being hit with a small metal one]].[[note]][[spoiler:Arguably, though, it's the best possible ending, since it at least gives Jack a moment of hope and a break from the spoon. He even ''kisses'' the magnet after realizing that it temporarily stops the Ginosaji.]][[/note]]
52	* HumanoidAbomination: The Ginosaji, of course. He's an ImplacableMan with AlienBlood, apparently a different nervous system (or at least one that allows him to shrug off [[GroinAttack groin strikes]]), and a HammerSpace arsenal of spoons, and the implication that he was sent to torture and kill Jack as some kind of curse makes him a parody of vengeful spirits like Sadako.
53	* ImmortalAssassin: The Ginosaji takes a knife to the throat, gunshots, and [[spoiler:two explosions]] without any harm done.
54	* ImplacableMan: Again, the Ginosaji takes a knife to the throat, gunshots, and [[spoiler:two explosions]] without any harm done.
55	* InformedAbility: Jack is supposedly a forensic pathologist, though we never get to see him at work.
56	* InTheHood: The Ginosaji sports a black hoodie.
57	* InteractiveNarrator: In "Save Jack: The Interactive Adventure", getting Jack to give the Ginosaji a hug requires some persistent encouragement from the narrator.
58	* KarmaHoudini: So far, the Ginosaji has avoided karmic retribution for his torture of Jack. Then again, it's implied that he ''is'' LaserGuidedKarma being meted out against Jack — for what, we have no idea.
59	* LodgedBladeRecycling: [[spoiler:Subverted.]] Jack stabs the Ginosaji in the neck with a knife. The Ginosaji pulls it out, points it at Jack... [[spoiler:and discards it so he can keep using the spoon]].
60	* MickeyMousing: Parodied during the first part of Spoon Wars. The music swells every time their weapons meet... except the battle starts dragging on and the music direction has nowhere to go.
61	* MundaneMadeAwesome:
62	** Jack arms himself with all types of guns to beat the spoon-wielding Ginosaji. [[spoiler:The Ginosaji wins anyway.]]
63	** Another scene that would qualify is that [[spoiler:when the Ginosaji's spoon finally breaks, [[HopeSpot he backs off for a moment]], then ominously opens his hoodie to reveal that his shirt has a dozen more spoons hanging from it. The maker confirms that the Ginosaji has an infinite number of spoons hanging from it]].
64	* NeverendingTerror: The Ginosaji attacks his victims with a blunt spoon. They typically die of terror and/or boredom when they realize that [[ImplacableMan he just.]] [[TheCatCameBack Won't.]] ''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis Stop.]]''
65	* OhCrap: The ending of the original where Jack realizes the Ginosaji has dozens of back-up spoons after the original breaks.
66	* OnceIsNotEnough: Jack shot the Ginosaji down. The Ginosaji simply continued to hit Jack's hand with a spoon.
67	* OutOfTheInferno: The Ginosaji does this [[spoiler:after Jack tried to blow him up with a ton of TNT]].
68	* OverlyLongGag: The Ginosaji will hit you with a spoon again, and again, and again... and again, and again, and again... and again, and again, and again... and again... and again... and again... and again. And again. And again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again... Well, you get the picture.
69	** The Interactive Adventure also becomes this if you don't make a choice, as it has Jack being beaten with a spoon by the Ginosaji non-stop while the narrator chides the viewer for not picking an option for Jack to try and stop the Ginosaji.
70	* PoliceAreUseless: Somewhat justified, as the movie suggests that Jack is never able to get any solid enough evidence for police assistance.
71	* PsychoShowerMurderParody: Except instead of being stabbed to death, it's being hit with a spoon.
72	* RealTrailerFakeMovie: Though one could argue the trailer ''is'' the movie.
73	* ScratchDamage: The spoon is more irritating than actually harmful, but over the course of 10 years, it does some serious damage.
74	* ShoutOut: ''Film/{{Psycho}}'', complete with being DeliberatelyMonochrome.
75	* SimpleSolutionWontWork: Wearing protective clothing? Running away? [[JustShootHim Grab a gun and fight back?]] Against [[ImplacableMan the Ginosaji]], [[InescapableHorror it's completely worthless]]. Jack also tries at one point to call the police, and not only [[YouHaveToBelieveMe is his situation too stupid to be considered anything other than a prank call]], after everything Jack does to end the situation himself, it's easy to tell that [[PoliceAreUseless having police protection would do]] ''[[NoPoliceOption nothing]]''. [[DrivenToSuicide Trying to kill himself]] so as to [[MercyKill get a less painful demise]] is also out -- the Ginosaji will make sure Jack survives just to make damned sure [[TheOnlyOneAllowedToDefeatYou he will die by spoon]].
76	* TheSlowWalk: Subverted. The Ginosaji actually runs if Jack runs.
77	* SternChase: The Ginosaji and Jack equally try to hit each other, with the latter usually failing and being harmed in the process.
78	* SuddenlyShouting: The OverlyLongGag montage of the Ginosaji chasing and beating up Jack with the spoon (anywhere, even underwater and to Japan, and most importantly at one point smacking the gun Jack was going to blow his brains out with out of his hand) ends with Jack screaming "STOOOP IIIIT!"
79	* ThrowingYourSwordAlwaysWorks:
80	** A rare instance where the villain uses this trope, though with a spoon, of course.
81	** Twice; he used it again in Spoon Wars. And it was ''epic.''
82	* TooDumbToLive: In Ginosaji vs. Ginosaji, Jack tries to become a Ginosaji and go around hitting someone with a spoon. As he is not in fact a NighInvulnerable demon like the real Ginosaji, it doesn't work out too well.
83	* TookALevelInBadass: Near the start of the trailer, Jack is able to gun down the Ginosaji with a handgun, if only momentarily. Later on, it's able to shrug off point-blank assault rifle fire, a direct hit from an RPG, and small minefield rigged to blow. Its glamour also improves, as it initially only attacked Jack when he was alone, but later on it's chasing him in broad daylight across a crowded beach with no one noticing.
84	* SuperPersistentPredator: The Ginosaji never stops.
85	* UltimateShowdownOfUltimateDestiny: Jack ends up traveling the galaxy to find something to kill the Ginosaji. He ends up finding a [[LaserBlade lightsaber]]. [[spoiler:[[FailureIsTheOnlyOption It doesn't work.]] And it was AllJustADream anyway. Poor Jack.]]
86	* WhatTheHellPlayer: If no choice is selected during "Save Jack: The Interactive Adventure", the narrator and Jack call out the viewers on enjoying Jack's torment when all they have to do to help him is to push a button. [[spoiler:Not that it matters, since FailureIsTheOnlyOption.]]
87	* TheWormThatWalks: [[spoiler:What the Ginosaji seems to be, if ''Kick Him In The Crotch'' is anything to go by.]]
88	* YouCantFightFate: The Ginosaji has to kill Jack, meaning all his attempts to take himself out will fail.
89	* YouHaveToBelieveMe: At one point Jack calls the police. He manages to finish his statement of "someone is trying to kill me with a spoon" before the cops laugh at him and hang up.

Context WebVideo / TheHorriblySlowMurdererWithTheExtremelyInefficientWeapon