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1'''''[[IncomingHam WELCOME]]''''', '''[[LadiesAndGerms ladies, gentlemen, and tropers]], to DarthWiki/DarthWiki's Favorite GameShow'''...
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3'''''[[PowerEchoes WARP... THAT... AESOP!!!!!]]'''''
4
5'''TV Round! Ready.... GO!'''
6
7Visit entries from: [[DarthWiki/WarpThatAesop Main Page]] || WarpThatAesop/AnimeAndManga || WarpThatAesop/ComicBooks || WarpThatAesop/FanWorks || [[WarpThatAesop/AnimatedFilms Film - Animation]] || [[WarpThatAesop/LiveActionFilms Film - Live Action ]] || WarpThatAesop/{{Literature}} || '''Live-Action TV''' || WarpThatAesop/{{Music}} || WarpThatAesop/MusicVideos || WarpThatAesop/ProfessionalWrestling || WarpThatAesop/TabletopGames || WarpThatAesop/{{Theatre}} || WarpThatAesop/{{Toys}} || WarpThatAesop/VideoGames || WarpThatAesop/{{Webcomics}} || WarpThatAesop/WebOriginal || WarpThatAesop/WesternAnimation || WarpThatAesop/{{Tropes}} \
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16%% NOTE: Due to the sizable nature of the page, and the fact that it will keep growing, please try to keep them in alphabetical order by series on this page so it doesn't delve into chaos & confusion.
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26Shows that have their own pages:
27
28[[index]]
29* ''WarpThatAesop/BuffyTheVampireSlayer''
30* ''WarpThatAesop/DoctorWho''
31* ''WarpThatAesop/GameOfThrones''
32* ''WarpThatAesop/TheGoodPlace''
33* ''WarpThatAesop/StarTrek''
34[[/index]]
35----
36[[foldercontrol]]
37
38[[folder: In General]]
39* Showing someone getting disemboweled and decapitated? A-okay! Showing a female nipple for a split second? '''The apocalypse is upon us and everyone under 18 who sees it will have their eyes melt out of their sockets!'''
40* '''Every high school show ever:''' Don't tell that girl about the feelings you have for her just yet. Wait weeks, months, hell even years, and then drop it on her when you feel comfortable. She will not feel betrayed for any real interval and you will eventually end up with her.
41* '''Every other cop show ever''':
42** [[SubcultureOfTheWeek You're some kind of psychopath if you're part of a non-mainstream subculture or have any kind of fetish]].
43** If someone is mentally challenged, they're 100% faking it and guilty as sin.
44** Protocol is bad becuase it allows criminals to get away and frame innocent people. It's therefore ''your'' duty, as an officer of the law, to ignore it as much as you can.
45** Sometimes? You have to break the law to enforce the law.
46** Forensics are magic.
47* '''Every Legal Drama ever''':
48** All prosecutors are evil people. ''No'' exception.
49** Also, the judges ''hate'' the prosecutor 100% of the time.
50** Defence attornies ''never'' have to defend an obvious-as-day guilty person. They also never have to juggle more than one case.
51** The quirkier you are? The better a defence attorney you will be.
52** Divorce, environmental, and patent attornies do ''not'' exist unless it crosses into criminal or the very rare civil cases out there.
53** Inheritance disputes never appear, meaning estate lawyers only appear if they are a witness for a murder that happened.
54** If you're innocent, all you need to do is have faith that the system will do its work because you are innocent and you know it.
55** There are no such things as mistrials.
56** DNA evidence is 100% ''accurate''.
57* Every VerySpecialEpisode ever: ''Any'' addiction, bad habit, or other self-destructive behavior, no matter how dangerous, can be cured in less than a half hour with a hug from your friends or family, or anybody who really cares about you. Nobody ever needs to go through therapy or rehab, or needs to worry about relapse. Once you're cured, you're cured!
58** Now let's be fair: the hugs often only work once you have uncovered the ''one single reason'' that caused your maladaptive behavior.
59*** The roots of your problem are never complex, multifaceted, or undeterminable.
60*** It is very possible that this is a trauma that you've repressed so completely, or hidden so well, you've never shown any sign of neurosis to your family, friends, or even yourself.
61*** Uncovering the causal factor will sometimes (but not always) require a single therapy session, intervention, or encounter with a wise and magical guest star played by a recognizable actor.
62*** Once you know the reason for your problem, no more work or therapy is required. All trouble vanishes, leaving you the well-adjusted character you and everyone else thought you were. Logic, reason, and the love of family and friends will instantly triumph over deep psychological scarring every time.
63** If someone you love dies as a result of an addiction or reckless behavior, feel really sad about it. For like a day. [[MoodWhiplash Then it's]] [[HilarityEnsues back to craaaaazy hijinks!]]
64* '''Every sitcom ever:'''
65** If you're a woman of child-bearing age, your character arc will require you to get pregnant. Even if you're already a mother, not in a committed relationship or even interested in having kids, a baby is in the cards for you.
66** A suburban-dwelling nuclear family is an attainable goal for a dumpy oaf of a man and a boring/naggy woman who is definitely out of his league and doesn't have a full-time job.
67** Everybody knows at least one celebrity. Not the ones that are working on big projects at the time of the episode's airing, mind you. Just the ones who peaked years ago and are reliant on cameos in sitcoms to get by.
68[[/folder]]
69
70[[folder: Television Channels]]
71* Creator/AnimalPlanet: Animals are pests that will either kill you or infest your home. [[NetworkDecay So screw them; let's build treehouses.]]
72* CNN: Being balanced means ''not'' to challenge either political party's claims, Just stay TrueNeutral.
73** GoldenMeanFallacy is great reporting.
74** Viewers ''care'' about what the [[NetworkDecay people on facebook and twitter think about news stories]].
75** It's fantastic to maintain an office in a country ruled by a dictator, because the perception of having special insider information is worth the cost of squashing negative coverage of that country and its poor, maligned leader.
76** Not only is [[AllAnimeIsNaughtyTentacles all anime naughty tentacles]], but specifically '''child naughty tentacles'''! Including, but not limited to scandalous... [[OldTimeyAnkleTaboo legs]]?! And cultural ValuesDissonance is not an excuse!
77** If somebody makes a meme out of you in jest, then you have every right to blackmail and dox the maker.
78* ESPN ''[=SportsCenter=]'': It doesn't matter how many games you win, if you lose once, '''you suck'''.
79* Creator/DisneyChannel: Vapid focus on fame is all that matters in life!
80* Fox News and many of the right-wing pundits associated with it: StatusQuoIsGod; liberals are always bad because [[TheyChangedItNowItSucks they always want to change things]]. So bashing them is okay!
81** Sorry, that's the intended Aesop.
82** If you're going to be different when the majority of your competitors have a strong liberal slant, why bother doing something boring like being balanced, when you can just go with an extreme conservative slant?
83** Every major news outlet besides Fox is liberal, anti-business and communist... [[TheManIsStickingItToTheMan despite the fact that they're all owned by huge capitalist corporations]].
84** If you see a group of people misbehaving then mirror their behavior to balance things out.
85** Series/{{Mister Rogers|Neighborhood}} was an evil, evil man. Want proof? [[FelonyMisdemeanor He told children they were special]]. [[SarcasmMode That bastard.]] [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29lmR_357rA Seriously.]]
86** Trying to warp a Fox News moral is impossible. Every time you try, it's just something they actually said.
87* Creator/{{Lifetime}}: A female-oriented channel can only be the realm of incurably bitter and misandric {{Straw Feminist}}s or the GirlShowGhetto channel.
88** Women '''''hate''''' women who are prettier than them with every fiber of their bodies. Let's enable their desire for revenge by making every beautiful woman a complete and utter bitch who dies a brutal death, preferably at the hands of the plain-looking heroine.
89* MSNBC: The only reason Fox News Channel is bad is because it is extremely conservative. Acting just like them, but with an extreme liberal slant instead is A-OK! Just don't mention the fact that you're only as liberal as the corporate giant that owns you allows you to be.
90** Having an extreme slant is perfectly fine and not really a slant as long as you mention it occasionally.
91* Creator/{{MTV}}: Music just isn't cool or popular anymore.
92* Creator/TheHistoryChannel: UsefulNotes/WorldWarII was the only historical event of interest ever to happen. The rest of history was too boring to garner any ratings, [[Series/AncientAliens unless you throw some aliens in for fun]]. [[NetworkDecay So screw history, let's watch truckers deliver things in the arctic and check out pawn shops and stuff]].
93* Creator/TVLand: The sitcoms that were on TV when you were a kid are now old enough to be on a classic TV network. Welcome to being an old fart, everyone over 20.
94** For a show to be considered classic it just has to not be producing new episodes anymore. It can even be less than ten years old.
95* Creator/USANetwork: You can have a (one-time) slogan of "Characters Welcome" while at the same time only giving attention to characters of [[Series/LawAndOrderSpecialVictimsUnit one particular show]] ad nauseam no matter how unnecessary, nonsensical or gruesome it may be.
96* The Hallmark Channel:
97** A single man with children must be a widow. Divorced men are inherently immoral.
98** If you meet a random guy during a visit to your hometown while you already have a boyfriend, chances are your current boyfriend is a total douchebag and you should break up with him in favor of the guy you just met.
99** Single moms need to get remarried ASAP.
100** There is no such thing as a child out of wedlock. You either lost your partner or they divorced you.
101** The only relationships worth mentioning are Cis-Het White relationships between 2 Christians. There are other kinds of couples, but they aren't worth mentioning.
102** You need to leave your successful job in the big city and move to a small town in order to achieve true happiness.
103* Creator/CartoonNetwork:
104** Cartoons only exist to [[MerchandiseDriven sell toys and other such merchandise]].
105** When people are looking for live action shows? They often think that the best pace to look is on a channel called the ''CARTOON'' Network. [[NetworkDecay It's not like they flopped the last time we tried it, right?]]
106** Girls don't watch cartoons - they watch live action shows. So we should put them... on a channel called the ''CARTOON'' Network. [[SarcasmMode Because they'll check here, right?]]
107* Creator/{{Netflix}}:
108** If it's not an instant hit by one season, it's a flop. Cancel it.
109** If it's animated? Don't market it then say you cancelled the show because nobody watched it.
110** "Gay" is a personality trait.
111** It is perfectly fine to show the genitals of people in your animated shows if they are on a streaming service. Screw censorship laws. Streaming services don’t have to answer to the FCC the way cable television does.
112* Creator/{{Nickelodeon}}:
113** If a new show/cartoon isn't immediately as popular as one of [[WesternAnimation/SpongebobSquarepants the most successful cartoons in the world]], it's a horrible failure that should get cancelled as soon as possible.
114** On the topic of ''[=NickRewind=]''. You have a channel block dedicated to airing shows from the 90s? Great! Now all you have to air is nothing but air [[Series/ICarly a show]] from the late 2000s and nothing else. It's not like anyone will ''actually'' watch shows from the 90's anymore!
115[[/folder]]
116
117''[[folder: 24]]''
118* It doesn't matter who it ''looks'' like the bad guy is; it's always someone American, probably [[CorruptCorporateExecutive a bigwig in a corporation]]. So leave those damn terrorists and their constant chants of Death To America alone!
119** Alternately: [[JackBauerInterrogationTechnique Torture works, and anyone who says otherwise is a preening pansy!]]
120*** [[http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2007/02/19/070219fa_fact_mayer That was the intended aesop]]
121** The Bill of Rights and Due Process just get in the way and can be ignored without consequence
122** There is never time for a bathroom break when you only have 1 day to save the world.
123** It's perfectly alright to threaten your coworkers and even your superiors at gunpoint to get your way, [[IDidWhatIHadToDo so long as you prove you were right]].
124** Go ahead and slap your co-worker/love interest who was just tortured, [[GetAholdOfYourselfMan he was moping anyway]].
125** Season 8:
126*** If terrorists steal a nuclear bomb and threaten a city with millions unless one person is turned over to them, anyone who considers sacrificing one to potentially save millions is a traitor and is dead wrong, with absolutely no discussion. The real heroes are the ones who would rather see New York a smoking crater than sacrifice a controversial political figure (even when said political figure is willing to sacrifice himself) and muck up a Peace Treaty.
127*** If you actually do give the above terrorists what they want, they'll keep their end of the bargain and return the nuclear bomb they stole.
128*** Disobeying the president and going rogue to potentially save millions of lives? NEVER! Disobeying the president and going rogue to avenge a killed girlfriend? HELL YEAH!!!
129*** If, against all logic and reason that exists in the universe, torture actually doesn't work, the next logical step is to literally tear the guy open and search his internal organs for what you want!!!
130[[/folder]]
131
132''[[folder: America's Next Top Model]]''
133* There's nothing wrong with giving a person hypothermia or a series of neck pain that requires a chiropractor to fix in the name of fashion.
134* If you're "The World's First Supermodel", be sure you remind everyone else of this week after week.
135* Yelling at a person for not being too upset about rejection is completely acceptable.
136* [[InsistentTerminology "Cycle" is just a fancy word for "season".]]
137* Blackface and brownface are totally fine if it equals a decent picture.
138* If you're not going to cut your hair, [[GetOut then you're going to have to get off my set.]]
139* You are the only redhead that is allowed to exist: any other ones around will either have it dyed a different color or [[ManipulativeEditing given a "no personality" edit.]]
140* There's no story on Earth that you somehow can't turn around and make all about yourself.
141* Swan-diving into a puddle of water [[BlatantLies will not backfire on you whatsoever.]]
142* Bullying a girl for being too short for a model is suddenly whitewashed if you end up doing a cycle featuring nothing ''but'' girls too short for models.
143* Similarly, you can both harass a girl for not getting surgery to close her gap and bully another in order to make her own gap bigger.
144* Crying about being late for an interview is absolute {{Wangst}} because some people have war in their countries.
145* If you're sick of saying the phrase "Smiling with my eyes", just morph it into the word "smize".
146* If you want a plus-size model to actually win, let her! Nevermind her mediocre pictures, bad attitude, inferiority to other, more deserving plus-size competitors of cycles past and overall being unmarketable.
147* Foreign accents are adorable. American accents are ugly or annoying.
148* You can have bright pink hair and [[StopHavingFunGuy still be a total stick-in-the-mud.]]
149[[/folder]]
150
151''[[folder: Babylon 5]]''
152* When people, who are much more experienced and well-educated than you are, offer you ways to ensure your rapid intellectual and cultural development, you should yell at them to fuck off and whine that they just want to control your life. It's not immature at all.
153* Remember kids, openly and violently opposing your government is called treason and incitement to civil war ''only'' if the government is "good". Once you feel it doesn't cater to your arbitrary and dupable moral beliefs anymore, your subversive actions qualify as a "rebellion" and are perfectly legitimate. It's just as fine to pronounce some tactic improper (like involving a huge alien fleet in said showdown with your government or sending people on suicide missions) but then stoop to it without a second thought when you sorta really need it. Of course you should take care to make the pronouncement as loud and public as possible and reserve the actual authorization of the trick to your inner circle.
154* It's perfectly acceptable to have your ships strafe the headquarters of a world's government just as you offer them the chance to join an inter-governmental organization which will severely limit their sovereign rights.
155* Trying to cooperate with other cultures will bring demonic monsters upon you.
156* Diplomats should personally conduct dangerous missions.
157* All fat people are secretly in league with the dark forces.
158* Being a faithful servant to an idealistic princess makes you do penance for the rest of your life. Being the faithful servant of a SleazyPolitician however, will make you Emperor.
159* Democratic governments are obviously inferior to culturally hidebound, caste-ridden, oligarchies. They prove this by such wicked and foolish policies as setting up an organization for the twofold purpose of protecting their citizen's privacy and encouraging gifted children, by being wary of foreign threats, and avoiding being drawn into conflict, and especially by seeking technological assistance from another nation. By contrast, it is obvious that the only moral and sane policy is to wage a gigantic war of extermination against a foreign culture for the crimes of having a strange appearance, a strange philosophy and the unusual custom of asking others what they want. This political position is in fact so obvious that any disagreement causes it to become morally imperative to make oneself a military dictator with the support of the GunboatDiplomacy of a foreign power.
160[[/folder]]
161
162''[[folder: The Big Bang Theory]]''
163* When your grown friend starts having a breakdown because your fighting is reminding him of a traumatic childhood, it is [[HilariouslyAbusiveChildhood HILARIOUS]], and you should just buy him a toy.
164* Falsifying scientific data to get desired results is OK if it gets your obnoxious colleague to shut up.
165* If someone is arrogant and demanding, you should let them have their way. Because that isn't reinforcing negative behavior at all.
166* The most brilliant scientific minds of any generations will inevitably be nerds who collect comic books and act shy around girls.
167** It's okay to breach national security if it helps you get a date. If someone finds out, you'll just get a slap on the wrist.
168** Hilarity will always Ensue.
169* As long as you're a superiorly intelligent guy, it is perfectly acceptable and understandable to be a contemptuous, gloating cross between a SpoiledBrat and an InsufferableGenius. Your entourage should just deal with it.
170* Is your friend going through a bad breakup? Hire a Las Vegas prostitute for him, and he'll be better in no time!
171* It's not a real relationship if you're not having sex (of all shows to get that from...).
172** If you're asexual but your girlfriend wants sex, the right thing to do is give it to her, never mind how you feel about it. In fact, asexuals don't really exist, they're just people who want sex and haven't realised it yet.
173* It's not possible for two men to have a close relationship with any degree of seriousness.
174* It's okay to act like a jerk if you have a roommate who is also a jerk. Or are friends with somebody who has a roommate who is also a jerk. Either or.
175* Nerds are pathetic losers, and that's HILARIOUS!
176* Tricking a [[TheTeetotaler teetotaller]] into drinking alcohol so they publicly humiliate themselves is funny and comes with no repercussions- they won't even be angry at you the next day!
177* Collecting nerd paraphernalia is a pathetic waste of money. Nerds should just man up and get themselves a proper hobby.
178* It's impossible for any female character to be a member of the main cast if she is not involved in a relationship, or at least some UnresolvedSexualTension, with one of the male members of the main cast.
179* It is also impossible for a woman to be a geek unless it's as a one-off joke.
180* If a guy tells you "No" because he is asexual and not interested in romance or affection? Keep on pushing. Eventually he will love you when you start implying you will go after other guys.
181** Storing nightclothes and toothbrushes in your love interest's house in hopees that he invites you to sleep over eventually is not creepy - it's ''HILARIOUS''.
182[[/folder]]
183
184''[[folder: Cold Case]]''
185** There must be either hallucinogens or certain types of gases in the air in Philadelphia, since it allows its citizens to see ghosts.
186** [[TheSmurfettePrinciple The lone female detective is special...]] until another one joins the squad, then she's either just known as the White one or the older one.
187** {{Gold Digger}}s tend to have {{Alliterative Name}}s.
188** Stealing glue is a crime that is punishable by death.
189** Killing your spouse will cause you to someday be diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, and yes, regardless of your age, you will still be arrested for the murder.
190** It ''really'' does not pay to be Black in Philadelphia, especially prior to 1970.
191** [[RecycledScript Baseball players tend to get beaten to death with their bats throughout several generations.]]
192** Euthanasia is a crime if you're a man, [[DoubleStandard but not if you're a woman.]]
193** The best gift to give a long-term coma patient is a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine.
194** Child molesters have a tendency to be drowned.
195** Prom night is the perfect night to run down a teenager; there is guaranteed to be no witnesses causing the case to go unsolved for years.
196** If you're a male detective, then the younger and more impulsive that you are, the less likely you are to get in trouble for your illegal or otherwise dubious actions. Unless, of course, you're fat, then the even younger, good-looking Hispanic detective can even go as far as to orchestrate a ''murder'' and get away with it (at least until [[Series/LawAndOrderSpecialVictimsUnit he gets transferred to New York)]].
197** The average 12-year-old is capable of driving.
198** Killing your love interest's family member(s) is bound to get them to fall for you.
199** Sometimes a ghost will still appear to confirm that yes, their accidental death was indeed an accident.
200[[/folder]]
201
202''[[folder: Degrassi: The Next Generation]]''
203* Boyfriend-stealers ''always'' get what they want.
204* As [[spoiler:Paige]] proves, getting date raped will totally turn you into a better person.
205* Of course the school deserves an applause for expelling the {{jerkass}} bully AFTER a serious incident leading to a guy getting crippled, when punishing said boy BEFORE the incident could have prevented all that.
206* It doesn't matter how hypocritical, self-righteous or otherwise unpleasant a person is. If they're the protagonist, then they are not only right, but automatically the best character on the show.
207* (specific episodes):
208** General: If you're into the environment, then you're [[CreatorsPet always right]].
209** Mother and Child Reunion [[ThereAreNoGirlsOnTheInternet There are no teenagers on the Internet.]]
210** "Jagged Little Pill": If you do everything right, you'll still get blamed. Right, Sean? Also, if you don't want to have sex (The Mating Game), your girlfriend will cheat on you. Right, Jimmy?
211** "When Doves Cry": That guy you saved from his abusive father, saved from suicide, was your best friend? Yeah, he'll forget you in a year.
212** "Karma Chameleon": If a relationship interferes with a CreatorsPet relationship, it will end spontaneously. And she'll end up with his best friend.
213** "White Wedding": It's okay to invite someone to your friend's mom's wedding, because even if she hates him, they'll get back together.
214** "Message In A Bottle": DefeatMeansFriendship never works.
215** "Don't Believe The Hype": [[YouAreWhatYouHate If you hate Muslims, you must be a Muslim.]] Therefore, [[FridgeBrilliance right-wing talk radio hosts are secretly Muslims!]]
216** "Dressed In Black": If you have an opinion about your girlfriend's clothing, you're trying to change her.
217** "Father Figure": It's a-ok to be prejudiced against the brain-damaged.
218** "Gangsta Gangsta": [[TruffautWasRight Crime is a good way to get your crazy girlfriend to dump you.]]
219** "This Charming Man": It's okay to be a vigilante and commit perjury.
220** "Accidents Will Happen": [[strike:The "N" in The-N stands for Nazis.]] Also, cheating on your boyfriend (in the season 1 finale)? Awesome. Helping a guy cheat on his girlfriend? Slut!
221** "Rock and Roll High School": There is nothing that cannot be solved by a shitty song.
222** "Take On Me": Detention is fun! Also, computer crime is less serious than telling someone to go to hell.
223** "Don't Dream It's Over": You beat your girlfriend? Well, you ruined her self-esteem so she'll [[WhoWouldEverTakeHimBack take you back]].
224** "Power Of Love": Once you execute a HeelFaceTurn, everyone will forgive you. Except your ex-girlfriend. But you'll still be one of the villains.
225** "Ghost In The Machine": If you rape a girl, she won't tell anyone until all the evidence is destroyed.
226** "Time Stands Still": BewareTheQuietOnes. Also, if you actively campaign against a bullying campaign that causes a kid to snap, you ''will'' be the one designated to kill him. And fist beats freedom of the press.
227** "Back In Black": Even if everything you say is confirmed true, your girlfriend will think you're a liar.
228** "Voices Carry": Turning a wedding into being about you and your girlfriend, embarrassing her in the process is okay, if you're [[strike:crazy]] bipolar.
229** "Secret": Having sex with a guy who just broke up with his girlfriend? Slutty. Having sex with a guy who still has a girlfriend and you don't even like? Okay, as long as it's not 'real' sex.
230** "Goin Down The Road": Don't vacation; your stalker boyfriend will go homeless!
231** "Venus": Filming one girl stripping will just make her best friend like you more.
232** "The Lexicon Of Love": Bisexuals exist. [[NoBisexuals Oh, wait, no.]] They're always either IfItsYouItsOkay or totally gay.
233** "I Against I": Christians are an evil cult. Most Canadians aren't Christian.
234** "Here Comes Your Man": Guys act crazy around girls. Cheating on your boyfriend is fine. Helping your girlfriend cheat on her DomesticAbuser who [[HoYay idolizes you]] is fine and in fact heroic.
235** "True Colours": The [[BigBad guy who is obviously evil]]...is.
236** "Crazy Little Thing Called Love": Setting up a plan that caused a boy to snap and your best friend had to kill him resulting in a HeroicBSOD? He'll forgive that. Sleeping with a girl he later dates? [[BerserkButton Hell no!]]
237[[/folder]]
238
239''[[folder: Glee]]''
240* Singing in public is neither antisocial nor annoying for anybody in earshot.
241* Being heterosexual and/or able-bodied is more important than singing ability in determining who will get the solos from week to week. Because we have to make our routines ''accessible,'' guys! (Truer with the guys than with the girls. Rachel is honestly the best singer on the show and probably deserves her frequent solos, and Mercedes does get a lot of time in the sun. But Artie and Kurt can easily sing circles around Finn, yet they've each gotten about 2 solos tops where Finn is singing opposite Rachel in nearly every ensemble number.)
242* Being raised by gay parents means dance/acting/voice lessons from day one and Barbara Streisand/Liza Minnelli worship. All the stereotypes you've ever heard about gay behaviour are completely true.
243* Straight guys: If you're nice to the gay kid, he'll fall in love with you. And he'll try to turn you gay as well! So you should probably keep pushing him into lockers and dumpsters, or else!
244* Evil people are inherently more popular. Also, being unrepentantly, unremittingly villainous and dastardly in pursuing your goals will net you a successful career and a throng of fans as long as you're incredibly snarky or awesome while doing it.
245* CampGay is the only kind of gay allowed. Also, if you're conflicted about your sexual identity, you're ''evil'' and there's no hope for you. And having ''no'' personality is a good thing.
246** And there are NoBisexuals. EVER.
247* If you're a bullied gay teenager, never stand up for yourself! When you try to stand up for yourself, it'll just turn your bully into an absolute creeper who's going to give you death threats! Instead, just change schools at the drop of a hat, your new school will be absolutely perfect for you anyway.
248** And if you're bullied early in life, just change everything about your ''hideous'' appearance as well as your name--and then bully others as much as possible. Once the losers find out you were once "one of them," they'll love you.
249* Asians should only date other Asians, and protect themselves from people of other ethnicities wilt cabal-like zeal. Jews should do the same, until it gets boring.
250* Abstinence and asexuality are inherently stupid concepts that only the disturbed, naive or people who can't get any believe in. Also applies to ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy''.
251[[/folder]]
252
253''[[folder: The Golden Girls]]''
254* The "I-Can't-Believe-That-This-Is-Cheese" Diet allows you to eat nothing but rice.
255* Dorothy may not look like she just fell off of a turnip truck, but she certainly looks like the woman who used to drive it.
256* You can lead a herring to water, but you'll have to walk fast or it'll die!
257* It's possible to kill a rock garden.
258* Not too many home burglars have hot flashes and indigestion.
259* If you lived to old age, lie about your past exploits and are antagonistic to virtually everyone you encounter, than you are considered to be wise instead of an asshole.
260* A nudist colony may be clothing optional, but they ''always'' wear clothes at dinner.
261* Your sister will only ask for your kidney to feed the cat.
262* It's perfectly alright to have implied that you have cheated on your husband multiple times, but it's not okay to find out that he did it, especially his cheating resulted in an out of wedlock child.
263* The average person won't look forward to having Scandinavian crap on a cracker as refreshments at their funeral.
264* In any store, condoms are located within the same vicinity of Nestle's Crunch bars, enema bags and [=DentuGrip=].
265* "Blanche Devereaux" is French for "Blanche Devereaux".
266* Only the best sex ends up getting named.
267[[/folder]]
268
269''[[folder: House]]''
270* Medical ethics are for wusses. Besides, you can't treat anyone without throwing said ethics out of the window before. No exceptions.
271* Patients who don't believe their doctors' every word are idiots, even if their doctors have already lied to, misdiagnosed and almost killed them multiple times.
272* If you're trying to diagnose a patient suffering from a mysterious, potentially life-threatening disease, remember: don't waste your precious time examining the symptoms and analyzing test results. It never works. Instead, go straight to your best friend to gossip about his love life, your coworkers' secrets, your boss' butt or anything else you can come up with. That way, the correct diagnosis is guaranteed to pop right into your head out of nowhere!
273** Skip the first three diagnoses, the fourth one is going to be right.
274** Which would make it the ''first'' diagnosis. It's better to risk the patient's life with dramatic, [[RuleOfPerception highly-visual]] symptoms until you reach that fourth one.
275* Ordering major, invasive surgery can be justified by a hunch even if you wind up removing a perfectly healthy organ.
276* Practicing medicine while under the influence of narcotics is neither illegal nor unethical.
277* Hippocratic Oath? What's that?
278* Anyone who is admitted to a hospital (for any reason) will experience catastrophic failure of at least one major organ system within the hour
279* It's perfectly OK to trip a cripple just as long as he's a jackass.
280* it's OK if you're really obnoxious as long as you're smart, handsome, witty, very good at your job and play a mean piano...wait a minute....
281* Breaking and entering is the most reliable diagnostic method.
282* The only medical professionals capable of treating or curing anybody are those who are toxic, verbally/emotionally abusive, and damn near impossible to work with.
283* A hostile bedside manner won’t ever affect a patient in any way whatsoever. Any doctor worth their salt knows stress can only do wonders for someone in an already dire condition.
284* Your reason to seek treatment better be a challenging, mysterious ailment that baffles all known medicine or it’s not worth anyone’s time.
285[[/folder]]
286
287''[[folder: How I Met Your Mother]]''
288* It is perfectly acceptable for a married man to tell his children all about his sexual history.
289** As well as that of his womanizing friend ([[ReallyGetsAround parts of it, anyway]]) and loads of irrelevant crap that has nothing to do with how he met the mother of his children, because he wants the story to go into syndication.
290** Also, incredibly hot women in their twenties are the most gullible people on Earth. If you repeat the plot of any well-known movie with yourself as the protagonist, they will not be able to resist the desire to sleep with you. In fact, they're better off if you lie to get her into bed because you've given her the chance to live out her fantasy! And that's Awesome!
291** Lying to women in order to have one-night stands with them is perfectly fine, as long as you do it in an amusing way.
292** It's even better when you wrap up that tale of your sexual exploits with your kids realizing that their mother was your second choice.
293* Sabotaging your best friend's love lives is perfectly fine if your sole piece of evidence is that their girlfriends give off a bitchy vibe. At no point should you ever consider that maybe you're just being paranoid.
294* Physical attraction=Love, no matter how little you know about them or how often you date hot girls.
295** Unless you're a flamboyant yuppie, in which case you're incredibly shallow and immature compared to the somewhat boring friend who's sex life is just a few conquests behind your own.
296* [[spoiler: All your relationships will end in tears.]]
297* [[spoiler: That one person you've been pining for who's going to marry some other guy, flat-out admits she doesn't love you in a romantic sense and was from Day One never ever right for you? Don't give up on her, no matter who you meet or how badly you've been burned before.]]
298* [[http://yogurtpo3.tumblr.com/post/81770563196/life-lessons-i-learnt-from-how-i-met-your Babies will solve all your problems.]] No matter if you never actually wanted one. No matter if you only have one because you accidentally knocked up a chick you don’t even know the name of nor have any feelings towards. You should have one.
299[[/folder]]
300
301''[[folder: [=iCarly=]]]''
302* ExecutiveMeddling will ''ruin your life''. The CorruptCorporateExecutive ''never'' has your best interests in mind, and anyone who is interested in your success simply wants to overtake and/or ruin it. [[HypocriticalHumor This message brought to you by the wonderful folks at]] {{Creator/Nickelodeon}}.
303* On the episode "iNevel": You should care about what a random 11-year old reviewer says about your work. And anyone who claims not to like your work really has a crush on you.
304* "iMeetFred": If you share your opinion and it makes everyone overreact, you're wrong and deserve to be beaten up with a tennis racket.
305** It is perfectly okay to ostracize others for [[OpinionMyopia their unpopular opinions]] [[InternetJerk just ask anyone on the Internet]].
306* The episode "iTake on Dingo": If someone is copying your material, you should drive hundreds of miles to confront them and threaten their most valuable possession. Cease and desist letters? Intellectual property lawsuits? What are those?
307* The Seddie story line: It's perfectly ok to date someone who beats the crap out of you and publicly hummilates you on almost a daily basis for no good reason.
308* Hey kids! If you're unhappy with yourself, just become a bully, it's not like [[KarmaHoudini you'll get punished for it.]]
309* [[HardWorkHardlyWorks Don't bother putting hard work in your projects.]] Your teacher will only find a minor detail and flunk you and praise the Jerkass who winged her project. Helps if said teacher is a NewAgeRetroHippie (like dropping a letter grade because you used to wrong kind of paper).
310* If a parent or guardian forbids you from going to a dangerous place, just disobey them anyways! If they were to catch up with you, then someone will beat the shit out of them. And you [[KarmaHoudini will not be punished.]]
311* Hey girls! If your [[AllGirlsWantBadBoys "bad boy" boyfriend]] has [[RealMenWearPink a non-manly hobby]], then dump his ass!
312* Making a little girl cry makes you the scum of the earth and [[RoleEndingMisdemeanor ruin your career]]. Running an underground sweatshop is perfectly acceptable and you will not be arrested.
313* If someone's a jerk, it's acceptable to film them in secret when they're in the privacy of their own sanctuary and broadcast it live on your web show. Privacy violation? What's that and who cares? Doxxing them is also A-OK.
314[[/folder]]
315
316''[[folder: Law & Order]]''
317* If your defendant claims to have connections to Middle Eastern terror groups, cut any deal you can, as fast as you can, or the federal government will yank your perp out from under you.
318* Alternately, if you're a perp - cry "I KNOW TERRORISTS" as soon as you're caught. If the DA doesn't cut you a sweet deal, the Feds will.
319* If you have a mental illness or are mentally disabled, you have a free pass to wantonly break the law or otherwise be an unpleasant asshole to others, up to and including murder, harassment, rape, assault or abuse of your children. Anyone who tries to punish you for your crimes is automatically the bad guy and you will eventually have compassion that allows you to either get off scot-free or go into a psych ward.
320* If you're a disgruntled black professional, just play the race card....it still won't help you though.
321* All defense attorneys are amoral mustache-twirling villains. The cops and DA are salt of the earth crusaders.
322** Not all defense counsel: just those who aren't crusaders more concerned with political agendas than their client's best interests.
323* Judges, juries, and defense attorneys only exist to delay the course of justice. The obvious solution is to just remove them all, because 99% of the time the guy is guilty anyway.
324* Judges only exist to dick with the prosecution at the beginning of a trial and deliver witty one-liners when setting bail.
325* Conservatives are always wrong. Always.
326* There's nothing wrong [[DislikesTheNewGuy with being an asshole or otherwise indifferent to the new member of your detective team:]] it's their fault for apparently being "too green" for the position in spite of coming from another division and usually being competent at the overall job at hand.
327* Niagara Falls, Ontario is a hick town.
328* ''Series/LawAndOrderSpecialVictimsUnit'':
329** It is perfectly okay for detectives who have intense personal reasons to get emotionally involved in highly emotive and complex cases involving rape and other forms of sexual assault, violence or perversion to be assigned to investigate these cases. If their intense personal involvement causes them to make errors in judgement or exercise undue force against a suspect, it's okay because they're perverts and have it coming.
330*** Better yet, virtually anything is morally acceptable if it will lead to the arrest of a pervert. Or a suspected pervert.
331** The episode "Clock": ThereShouldBeALaw against adults with medical conditions that make them look younger than they are having sex. Because it's just creepy.
332** The episode “Conscience”: Sociopathic children should never undergo due process in court because no matter how strict the court is on them, they will get out when they are older and kill other kids again and again. Because of this, feel free to kill those brats in court in front of their parents as surely the law will acquit you of all the charges that come from it.
333** The aptitude and ability of a lawyer is directly proportional to how hot she is. Bonus points for glasses.
334** By the way, everyone is trying to rape you. Kthnxbai.
335*** Except when it turns out that [[RedHerring they aren't]]; they just clearly have other psychological issues. On a related note, if you're a part of the unit that deals specifically with one type of crime, it's okay to dabble outside of your jurisdiction if it initially seems like the type of crime you deal with during the beginning of the investigation.
336** There's always an excuse that makes female on male abuse and rape okay, justifiable even.
337** Crimes involving children and crimes involving sex are handled by the same handful of people simply because they're considered [[AndThatsTerrible "especially heinous."]]
338** Gamers are not just violent psychopaths, but [[RapeIsASpecialKindOfEvil they're rapists too!]]
339*** Or to put it another way: The only good video games are non-violent ones and have names that suspiciously share the name of a [[Literature/BraveNewWorld dystopian classic]]. And anyone who '''DARES''' to say otherwise is a misogynistic, psychopathic '''[[CrossingTheLineTwice terrorist]]'''!
340** There's nothing wrong with airing a show about raped women and molested children on a Sunday afternoon, especially in a marathon form.
341* ''Series/LawAndOrderCriminalIntent'':
342** There is no such thing as a corrupt police officer or city official. Anyone that says otherwise is covering up for a murder.
343*** Except for judges, prosecutors, court psychiatrists, prison guards & wardens, cops (at all ranks), governors, and [[spoiler: criminal profilers]]. But other than those...
344** Gay men and lesbians are either sociopaths or [[UnwittingPawn dupes]]. [[DepravedBisexual Bisexuals]] are ''always'' sociopaths, and generally {{Manipulative Bastard}}s to boot.
345** Once somebody's committed a crime of any sort, or behaved in a hostile or distrusting way toward a police officer, then they aren't people and shouldn't have any rights.
346** Taking a woman to a family restaurant is a way for a man to tell her that he's not interested in her romantically.
347** The female, regardless if she's a cop or not, is always MoreDeadlyThanTheMale.
348** Getting your child into a preschool is worth killing over.
349** Also, if you don't go down the right path early in life and be doted on by your overbearing grandmother, your future will have you sitting on a couch, eating potato chips and watch ''Jerry Springer'' all day.
350[[/folder]]
351
352''[[folder: Magnificent Century / Magnificent Century Kosem]]''
353* It’s okay to keep hundreds of young women locked up and have sex with them so long as you’re a decent ruler.
354* It’s also okay to murder the best candidate to the throne and his seven-year-old son.
355* If you don’t want to share your husband with hundreds of other women, you’re evil.
356* It is fine to murder your half-brother for your political goals.
357* Locking up children in a GildedCage is a good idea.
358* If your son is mad, don’t seek professional help. Instead, dethrone and murder him.
359* All daughter-in-laws are evil and plotting to kill you.
360* Suicide is the solution to any of your problems.
361* Teenage girls, if you fall in love with an older NumberTwo, it isn’t a childish crush, but true love and you should steal him from your sister who actually loves him.
362* If your cousin mocks your crush, the best course of action is to have her LockedAwayInAMonastery.
363* It’s okay to tell a woman her husband will execute her if you’re his true love.
364* Remember, AllPropheciesAreTrue, so if you are predicted to die within a year, your son is out to get you.
365* All [[MamaBear mama bears]] are evil and want to kill your son.
366* Marrying off your teenage daughter to an older man is okay.
367* It’s okay to castrate children and force them to work as slaves for you.
368* Cheating on your wife is acceptable if she is whiny and annoying.
369* Give your son a harem when he is 16 or 17, but don’t let him get any women pregnant. If he does, then it’s the concubine’s fault and she should have a risky abortion.
370* All romantic rivals are secretly spying for your enemies.
371* If you want to kill yourself, you should kill your two young children as well.
372* If you are enough a {{Woobie}}, it’s okay to abort your romantic rival’s unborn baby.
373* If you are the lead character, killing your nine-year-old grandson is okay. However, if you are the rival to the lead character, killing your grandson is a major crossing of the MoralEventHorizon.
374[[/folder]]
375
376''[[folder: Married... with Children]]''
377* All women are awful. Fat women are obnoxious food tubes. Skinny women are unattractive wimps. Feminists are shrill, butch and misandrist. Sexy women are slutty and dumb as rocks. Working women are ball-busters. Housewives are lazy. Young women are {{Gold Digger}}s. Old women are desperate for any man's attention. And ''God'' help you if you happen to be a redhead.
378* If you were a JerkJock and AlphaBitch in high school, [[LaserGuidedKarma you will wind up miserable, impoverished and stuck in a dead-end job with a spouse you hate.]]
379* No one is quite sure why your older child lacks intelligence. [[ContinuitySnarl Various reasons include her hitting her head as a child to gaining an inadequate amount of weight while you were pregnant with her.]]
380* Anyone who has smelly feet is only because of an ancient curse put on a ancestor of theirs.
381* A lazy, gold-digging gigolo is more valid as a husband, best friend and purveyor of advice than an intelligent but snobbish and materialistic banker.
382* You shouldn't have any worries if the same man who scavenges your garbage for food is going to break the bank in Vegas.
383* You can grow ham, shrimp, butter and pizza with extra cheese in a vegetable garden.
384* The older you get, the more of a {{Flanderized}} loser you become.
385* You can't ruin a shoe salesman; it's like dropping dirt on dirt.
386* Of course the Soviet Union was bound to fall; [[LiteralMinded it was on the edge of the map.]]
387* Norwegian foods can only be found in Norwegia.
388* April Fools Day and Labor Day are celebrated more often than Halloween and Thanksgiving.
389* The opera isn't over until the last heterosexual falls asleep.
390* The surname "Bundy" can be easily misheard as "Boondy", "Bindy" and "Budny".
391* It's every professional athlete's dream to see how badly they can hurt a non-pro.
392* If Peg could nag in sign language, she wouldn't need a head at all.
393* Being a garbage salesman is a very lucrative profession.
394* Crying only works on men.
395* Even Elvis would sneer at a shoe salesman.
396* It's considered an honor to sit on your father's lap while he's getting the chair.
397* $10,000 in the shoe business is just like Bigfoot; people claim to have seen it, but no one has ever actually laid their hands on it.
398* [[{{Squick}} Seven-day underwear is a practical invention.]]
399* Dodge is the car that tells the public, [[TakeThat "Damn right I failed!"]]
400* [=BundyLand=] is the most depressingest place on Earth.
401* You can replace a shoe salesman's brain with a sock filled with popcorn and he would still be able to work.
402* A man's home is his coffin.
403* An elbow and a forehead with a zit on it are easy to confuse with breasts.
404* [[EpicFail The average woman would rather sleep]] [[Series/{{ALF}} with a piece of cloth with a man's hand inside of it]] [[EpicFail than with Al Bundy.]]
405[[/folder]]
406
407''[[folder: NCIS]]''
408* Gibbs is always right.
409* Adorable girls that are obsessed with death make the best detectives.
410* All Israeli women are ruthless killing machines.
411** No matter who it ''looks'' like the terrorists are, they always turn out to be Israeli agents at the end. So leave those damn terrorists and their constant chants of Death To America alone!
412* Smacking subordinates on the head is hilarious and endearing!
413* It's perfectly acceptable to blackmail a female co-worker with a photo of her winning a wet t-shirt contest in her wild college days.
414** Likewise, if your male co-worker is blackmailing you with a wet t-shirt contest photo from your wild college days, then it's perfectly acceptable to photoshop his face into a gay bondage scene to blackmail ''him''. Don't even bother filing a sexual harassment complaint against him.
415* Search warrants, sexual harassment complaints, IT specialist, consulting other agencies, [[TherapyIsForTheWeak therapy]], sleep, assistants, lawyers, and professional behavior is for WEAKLINGS!
416* If you stab the man you thought was responsible for murdering your brother, but it turns out he wasn't the man you thought he was and that you didn't know the full story, forgive him for any part he did have and go home. However, you're under no obligation yourself to apologize for trying to murder him in return.
417* ''Series/NCISLosAngeles'': There is no such thing as a perfectly honest and good agent from another agency who genuinely wants to help. Nope, they're all either bad guys or they've got grudges against the good guys. (No, seriously, I don't think there's been a single episode where someone from another agency has turned up and they haven't turned out to be either the bad guy or having a grudge.)
418[[/folder]]
419
420''[[folder: Once Upon a Time]]''
421* Anyone can roll into a random town and within a few days become a deputy or a sheriff, regardless of whether or not they're really qualified or have any experience in law enforcement, even if you have a criminal record. They just need to make the right friends. Forget months of rigorous training at a police academy, that's for suckers.
422* The {{Cloudcuckoolander}} child is always right.
423* Adoptive parents are always cruel and uncaring. An adopted kid will always gravitate toward their biological parent no matter what.
424* Never give your kid up for adoption, no matter how unfit you are to be a parent. That is tantamount to abandoning them. Better to have them living with you in a car than give them up to a lonely single mom who lives in a mansion.
425* The Disney versions of fairy tales are of course the true, canon versions.
426* Even power-hungry despots with death counts that would get them tried in the international court for war crimes in the real world deserve happiness, if they can change.
427* You should be happy if your true love happens to be your late wife's murderer.
428* Since Walt Disney was "the Author" at one point, Walt Disney was basically God. Therefore you should only buy products owned by Disney.
429* If all you do is undo some mess you caused in the first place, then it makes you a hero who deserves to be rewarded for your brave redemption, and never have to pay for your past crimes, even if they include murder, torture, rape, mind control, kidnapping, and other horrible, depraved acts for which the victim did nothing to deserve it. You'll also get forgiven by the person you spent decades torturing so long as you and they develop a shared goal, even if you continue to do horrible things to them later.
430** Also, if you can make a sad face every so often and whine about how the world is ruining your life, you deserve sympathy, no matter how many decades you spent doing the above horrible crimes.
431* Black women can't be trusted. They're all secretly plotting your demise.
432* Masculine and tomboyish women are ''scum.'' You have to become the kindest, sweetest, matronly, most stereotypical perfect paragon of 1950's womanhood to better yourself.
433* It's okay to demand your crush to kiss you as a reward for saving their father's life. A "thank you" isn't enough, you did something heroic, therefore, they owe you a kiss.
434* Stay with your monster boyfriend, no matter how bad he is, it's your responsibility to make him good.
435* If you leave your rapist, they'll kill you.
436* You can only have a happy ending if you get into a romantic relationship.
437* The best way to get your son back is to manipulate a string of tragic events in a young girl's life so she we'll become twisted enough to cast a curse that will inevitably fail so you can go out in the world and find him. Also did I mention the thousand of other ways to get to said world with ease.
438** In this string of tragic events you also indirectly wage war against another young girl who crossed your first one leading to her missing the first 28 years of her daughter's life.
439* Casting a curse that will take away everyone's happy endings will give you yours back.
440* A ten year old girl manipulated to tell vital information of your plans to run away is the real murderer even though the person who actually murdered was also a master manipulator who took advantage of the girls lost mother.
441* Committing a massacre against your own kingdom to find one girl then condemning them to eternal suffering is totally okay.
442* Sending your infant out to a world that was described as hell is totally okay as long as you have hope
443* Cheating on your wife is okay if it is true love, they'll totally understand.
444** Cheating with a married man is okay if it's true love even if he chose said wife and she is currently in a coma, they'll give you their blessing
445* Raping your sister's boyfriend is a-okay if you fall in love with someone else and apologize.
446* Dying isn't a problem because you can just go to the underworld to get them back.
447* If you fall in love with one girl, you will die.
448* The wish realm is real & fake
449* True love negates all the real life troubles of a loving, functioning, healthy relationship, such as; arguments, talk about what you want, professional life balance, and any turmoil whatsoever.
450* If your ex-boyfriend moves on the girl he is with is a demon with ulterior motives
451* Marrying a girl barely older than your own daughter is totally fine, and it counts if their mother, your ex fiancee, accepts on their behalf.
452* Killing countless people and manipulating many more is okay if it's for your daughter's sake even if they told you they dont want it.
453* Killing the Queen's guards doesn't make you any less pure of heart, neither does killing her mother, or separating a child and her mother
454* The shattered sight curse tells your deepest darkest desires and secrets, so everyone was telling each other what they thought of them on the inside
455* Having no regrets is a good thing even if you are a murderer or rapist or child abuser.
456* As long as you think your better than everyone else morally, life will treat you that way even if your sins rival your so called enemy
457* Endangering a whole kingdom for just your life is totally okay
458* Sacrificing your life for a girl you don't know and is causing countless deaths elsewhere is honorable, it doesn't put more of the kingdom in jeopardy.
459[[/folder]]
460
461''[[folder: Passions]]''
462* Never trust an elderly woman, especially one that lives alone; she's probably a witch with a sentient dummy that is secretly plotting your demise or ruin.
463* Are you beautiful and have men interested in you? Then you should endlessly pursue and cling onto that one guy who isn't interested in you and thinks you're crazy. He'll eventually be worn down by your advances and fall for you.
464* [[BlindSeer A blind priest sees all.]]
465* If the Harmony P.D. were any dumber, they would be in [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons Springfield.]]
466* Using BedTrick is a surefire way to ensnare your soulmate. The universe [[KarmaHoudini (and the law)]] will reward you by winding up HappilyMarried to that person!
467* Becoming a paraplegic will turn you into one of the following: a manipulator, a burden, a bad parent or combination of all of the above.
468* If you know someone who is being abused by their spouse, don't try to get the law involved; just run away with them! Your respective young families can just live in shit and hand-to-mouth for all you care!
469* Repeatedly telling your suspicious, female significant other "you're my wife" is a bonafide way to prove your loyalty to them, until it doesn't.
470* No one likes Tomato Soup Cake other than you and your husband.
471* You can spend six years away at "college" and come back with virtually no skills to speak of.
472* Blonde women are always victims.
473* [[PillowPregnancy A bag of sugar is the perfect covering to use in order to fake a pregnancy.]]
474* A man's wife, girlfriend or fiance should never get in between you and your raging libido, particularly if you two have history or FATE.
475[[/folder]]
476
477''[[folder: Power Rangers]]''
478* Try to prevent a bloody and difficult war and you'll end up killing even more people than the war would have.
479** Alternatively, it doesn't matter how hard you try, how many allies you have, or how well you think you're doing. You're doomed to fail. Might as well give up now, everyone's going to die, whether you try and save them or not. The most you could do is prolong their suffering, anyway.
480* Whatever you weapon is (giant robot, blaster, or your power suit), its strongest movement is self-destruction.
481* Good guys will fight for months, the best they can do is to maintain the [[StatusQuoIsGod Status Quo]]. On the other hand, the wrath of one monster against another can easily wreck an evil galactic empire in 10 minutes.
482* ''Series/PowerRangersSPD'': It's bad to discriminate against others for where they come from, but discriminating ''for'' them is fine! People who have been bullied all their lives or who have suffered horrible losses are inherently trustworthy, as are freaks and foreigners, but normal natives might turn on you.
483* ''Series/PowerRangersSamurai'': DON'T YOU DARE CRY!
484** If you're a girl, you should feel bad if you get part of the MechaExpansionPack over the only guy who didn't. So bad, that you should hand it over to him, even though he's been a total {{Jerkass}} about the whole ordeal all day. [[SarcasmMode Because, you know, there's no way a GIRL could ever be good enough for a new mech.]]
485* No matter how much your teammates insist that teamwork is essential and that everyone in the group has something to contribute, you're not important unless you wear red. If you ''do'' wear red, you're instantly more qualified to lead a team of heroes than anyone else, even if someone else in your team is a former air force officer, martial arts master, a trained police officer or basically anyone with more experience, expertise, maturity or authority than you.
486[[/folder]]
487
488''[[folder: Saved by the Bell]]''
489* Remember kids, [[MemeticMutation there is no hope with dope]]. But treating nerds like subhuman organisms? Nothing wrong with that.
490* You can tear cartilage in your knee simply from falling on your backside, and when you do be sure that you not only guilt your principal into thinking it was his fault but force him to do your homework, too.
491* [[AnimalWrongsGroup If someone is a crusader for animals, chances are they're terrible with people, especially men.]]
492* Bayside High only honors the person with the highest grade in the graduating class. If you even ended up being beat by a ''10th'' of a grade point average, then hard cheese! [[Film/WillyWonkaAndTheChocolateFactory You get nothing! Good day, sir!]]
493* The key to happiness is easy: marry a cheerleader and live at the beach!
494* After 60, women get frisky.
495* It's incredible what you can hear standing on a toilet.
496* Even Screechman needs nourishment.
497* Parents don't care to see their children in the hospital or graduate.
498* America is Zack Morris country.
499* It takes days to get a body like Mr. Belding's.
500* Inga is a ten.
501* No one looks good in Spandex.
502* Never let ants hear the phrase "Let's step on it".
503* Principals don't have secretaries: anyone can just waltz into their office on short notice.
504* When in doubt, vote for [[Series/GilligansIsland Gilligan.]]
505* Cheerleaders are bright: the have to jump and yell at the same time.
506* Homeless people require a lot of boxes of tools.
507* Picketing a oil company is a activity best saved for your honeymoon.
508* That is ''not'' Mrs. B. That's Shamu.
509* If you try to surf on cardboard, it'll sink.
510* The best way to make a disabled person feel included is to constantly remind them and others of their disability.
511* Don't mention the yearbook!
512[[/folder]]
513
514''[[folder: Supernatural]]''
515* Familial attachment will involve either unhealthy obsession that subsumes all other emotional connections, or severing all ties. There is no middle ground.
516* Only psychologically unbalanced people ever really care about helping others.
517* The best way to dealing with your crippling psychological problems is to project them onto loved ones, drink copious amounts of alcohol, and flirt with suicide constantly.
518* If you make a [[DealWithTheDevil stupid bargain]], you can get out of it with a new, inventive types of violence --if not, somebody will come rescue you.
519** [[OurAngelsAreDifferent If that somebody happens to be a member of your own sex and acts like s/he is romantically interested in you]], and you profess to be straight, there's absolutely nothing wrong with stringing him/her along . You will probably be able to convince them to do virtually anything you ask them to, happily sacrifice their own well-being for yours and happily act as surrogate for any ailing or absent personal relationships you might have. That is, until you can find somebody more suitable or until they can find a way to deal with the terrible restrictions your relationship has placed on them, and escape to their old life. There's nothing manipulative or unhealthy about any of this.
520* Girls and women are boring and whiney. Watching them get involved in relationships ( especially heterosexual relationships) is just gross. And homosexual relationships between men should play out in a ways that mirror the heterosexual relationship dynamic, in ways most likely to turn girls and women on.
521* Gay men are just so adorable, kind of like puppies. Puppies that want to reenact female fantasies! [[{{Metaphorgotten}} Except not quite like that, probably something a lot less sick.]]
522* No matter what you do, things will get worse.
523* If a good friend of yours happens to be a member of a different race/species, then it's totally acceptable to continuously insult that race/species in front of him/her, because it's not like s/he's people. And if they happen to get involved in a hazardous and difficult situation (for instance, a civil war) which only involves their race/species, then it's wrong of them not to want to drop everything to come help you. Can't they see that members of your group are more important?
524* Violence is an excellent way to resolve your issues in your interpersonal relationships, particularly if you combine it with alcohol - preferably a liquor store's worth. But if you happen to be in a relationship, the girl (or surrogate girl) should be the one throwing punches. Otherwise it would just be abusive.
525* It's totally okay for you to do bad things, but if your brother or your best friend in all the world does bad things, you should immediately come down on them like a thunderbolt. It won't damage your relationship at all--your brother is convinced he needs you, and your best friend is probably in love with you, so they'll come back in the end.
526* If you're in love with someone, never, ever tell him. Just put aside all of your own needs so that you can be constantly available, give up your home and family for him, take up his political affiliations, and wait on him with quiet faith. Someday, just maybe, you'll be more important to him than his machismo, but until then you can subsist on the crumbs of affection and openness that he deigns to throw your way. After all, it's not his fault he withers at the mere thought of tender emotions, and he certainly can't be expected to treat you with any sort of respect. He has other, more important things on his mind than you.
527* Always, always read romance and/or sex into interpersonal relationships. Deep and meaningful platonic love doesn't really exist.
528[[/folder]]
529
530
531''[[folder: Whale Wars]]''
532* Likewise, terrorism is bad...unless it's Eco-Terrorism. After all, everyone knows that environmental problems are not solved through peaceful diplomatic means but rather through violence.
533* Japan is always evil. We should never hear their side of the story because then it would make our one-sided propaganda look bad.
534** They totally deserved that [[http://www.japannewstoday.com/?p=1534 earthquake]].
535* The crazy guy who has NO regard for human life is the hero. He's always right even if he's endangering the lives of others. After all, what's the death of a few measly people in exchange for saving a single whale?
536* Considering Paul Watson's time with the Makah, you can be a racist bastard who falsely claims to have been in AIM (among other 70s-era activist groups), lead a whole bunch of groups committing hate crimes that aren't considered hate crimes because everyone knows racism against Indians is dead, and Animal Planet will portray you as a hero. God, pass the beluga sushi.
537* Who gives a [[WhatMeasureisANonCute rat's ass about overfishing?]] It's the whales that deserve our attention!
538** Or alternatively (as Viking Shore is an indicator), the lives of fish are just more important as the lives of whales. They're definitely more important than the lives of human beings.
539[[/folder]]
540
541[[folder:#-J]]
542* ''Series/ThirteenReasonsWhy'': If you commit suicide, your enemies deserve an explanation. Your loving parents on the other hand deserve nothing.
543** Suicide is the best revenge.
544** If people can't read between the lines and realize you mean just the opposite when you yell at them to "fuck off", it's their fault when you kill yourself.
545** If you kill yourself, you get to stick around as your ex-boyfriend's imaginary friend and ensure that justice over your death is carried out to the fullest. In short, death is impermanent and suicide is the pathway to justice.
546** Someone you like being wrongfully accused of murder is horrible. Framing someone you don't like for murder is okay, though.
547** You can get away with murder, if the person you kill is a {{Jerkass}}. Don't worry, you only have to put the blame on another {{Jerkass}} who is already in jail for other crimes, so who cares.
548
549* ''Series/OneThousandWaysToDie'':
550** [[ParanoiaFuel EVERYTHING is out to kill you.]] Answering your cell phone? [[YourHeadAsplode A faulty battery will blow your brains out.]] Mowing the lawn? You might run over a power cord and [[ShockAndAwe zap!]] About to have sex with your lover for the first time? [[SexSignalsDeath It may just be your last.]]
551** The only people who ever suffer cruel & unusual deaths are idiots, jerkasses, or smoking-hot women.
552
553* ''[[Series/ThirtyRock 30 Rock]]'': If you aren't a star, you never will be, even if you ''did'' write a successful book giving relationship advice. That's because it's impossible to transition from comedy writer to star, even if the actress playing you did just that in RealLife.
554** Also, after a point, you really should just settle.
555** Stuff happens that it is out of your control. This is why should you shouldn't bother to control your destiny at all.
556** Putting your audience at risk with hallucinogenic gas is justified to save your show. Even if this would just result in [[FridgeLogic alienating and confusing]] the audience watching at home.
557** If your show is in danger of getting stale, just exploit a washed up film star's mental illness.
558
559* ''48 Hours Mystery'': Don't ever get into a romantic relationship. It'll start out good enough, but they'll eventually turn AxeCrazy and kill you.
560
561* ''Series/AdamRuinsEverything'': Being smug and condescending is perfectly okay if: One, you acknowledge the fact you're smug and condescending, and two, you are right about literally everything.
562
563* ''Series/AdventuresInWonderland'': The episode "Rip Roaring Rabbit Adventures": NEVER look for excitement or adventure in your own lives, always get it from a BOOK instead!
564** "Christmas in Wonderland": If you just wish hard enough you can make it snow anywhere, even in the Sahara.
565*** Christmas is celebrated everywhere, even in bizarre fantasy worlds that should have no idea what Christianity even is.
566** "TV or not TV": Watching TV is bad for you! Go play outside instead! But don't forget to keep watching ''our'' show, and paying money to get the 1990's Disney channel for the privilege.
567
568* ''Series/AmericanGods2017'':
569** BetterTheDevilYouKnow than the one you don't.
570** The American Government is a theocracy literally run on human suffering.
571** You should feel bad for the former cosmic despots who would see you dead or in pain for their own power.
572
573* ''Series/AmericanHorrorStoryMurderHouse'': Evil is hereditary. A loving family won't smooth it out; it has to be culled.
574
575* ''Series/AmericanIdol'', ''Series/JudgeJudy'' and pretty much ''Every'' live action TV show with a rude or highly abrasive host: '''ALL''' Hollywood celebrities are secretly {{JerkAss}}es whom will ''All'' secretly made extremely rude and snide comments about you behind your back only seconds after meeting you, this makes them untrustworthy. However if these same people make the same comments ''Loudly and directly to your face'' then this makes them very trustworthy no matter what their opinions are, they are always saying the ''[[JerkassHasAPoint Absolute Truth]]'' regardless of whether you like their opinions or not.
576
577* ''Series/AmericanIdol'', ''Series/AmericasGotTalent'', ''Series/XFactor'', and every other talent show with juries in them: You can get away with being a rude asshat so long as you're a judge. If a contestant has the audacity to do the same they will get booed off-stage.
578** It's acceptable (or even expected) to line people up so you can laugh at them. Freakshows are cool!
579** The winner of any competition must be the contestant with the biggest sob story. Talent is meaningless unless you have a loved one who recently died, or are suffering a terminal illness and are the LittlestCancerPatient.
580** Untalented people ''never'' have tragic backstories.
581** In the event that you don't have a tragic backstory, being sickeningly adorable is another good substitute for actual talent.
582** If there's something off-putting, superficial or otherwise untrustworthy about your hosting abilities and personality, then you will soon have your own media empire and be known as the next Dick Clark. By contrast, if you are an earnest and encouraging host yet a little insecure and understated, then you will forever be seen as a punchline and known as the "idiot" who left after one season.
583
584* ''Series/AncientAliens'': Humans are incapable of inventing anything more technologically advanced than a toothpick without alien intervention.
585** This is especially true of [[UnfortunateImplications non-European humans]]. Except in the case of Stonehenge, white people did need help building that.
586*** That was only because they were pagan, and therefore too stupid and primitive to build anything. By the middle ages Europeans were properly civilized.
587** Aliens must not like Europeans very much because they only helped them build a cool monument once, and never anything as cool as the pyramids.
588
589* ''Series/{{Angel}}'': Guilt trumps all other emotions, even love. Also, if you are ever completely happy, even for a moment, something is deeply wrong and the world is going to end. So you should brood a lot.
590
591* ''Series/AreYouAfraidOfTheDark'': [[http://sydlexia.com/ayaotd_season1.htm There's]] [[http://sydlexia.com/ayaotd_season2.htm at]] [[http://sydlexia.com/ayaotd_season3.htm least]] [[http://sydlexia.com/ayaotd_season4.htm one]] [[http://sydlexia.com/ayaotd_season5.htm for]] [[http://sydlexia.com/ayaotd_season6.htm every]] [[http://sydlexia.com/ayaotd_season7.htm episode.]]
592
593* ''Series/AgentsOfSHIELD'':
594** Your boss will always lie to you and withhold important information from you ''because that's his freaking job.'' So suck it up and stop pestering him.
595** You don't need superpowers to be overpowered. Just ask Agent May.
596** Child abuse is harmless and has no long-lasting effects on a "good" person. An abused child who snaps was simply born bad and is using their trauma as an excuse.
597
598* ''Series/TheATeam'': Veterans of UsefulNotes/TheVietnamWar with mental problems are ''hilarious''.
599** [[ATeamFiring Guns don't kill people...ever.]]
600
601* ''Series/{{Atypical}}'':
602** If you're a therapist who keeps getting voicemails from a creepy former client ([[DisabilityAsAnExcuseForJerkassery who is acting this way because of autism]]), ignore everything you learned about the therapist-client relationship. You should cry and regret TheReasonYouSuckSpeech you gave to him.
603** The anger you feel over your creepy client is just pregnancy hormones.
604** If you want to date a autistic guy, remember: It's not abuse if he slams you in his closet because you touched his things. He just doesn't know how to control his emotions.
605** Your family will sympathise with you if you reveal you abandoned them for nine months over your neurodivergent child.
606** CasanovaWannabe who [[GirlWatching girl watches]] and flirts at work? Your customers will enjoy you and no one will fire you! Bonus points if you smoke weed on breaks!
607** Punching the AlphaBitch for bullying an innocent fat girl not only makes you a hero, it wins you cake! Also a love interest! That fancy private school might reconsider the scholarship they offered you, but turns out, it's no big deal for them!
608
609* ''Series/AustinAndAlly'': If you're a celebrity you should not have a relationship.
610
611* ''Series/{{Battlestar Galactica|1978}}'': Nothing is more lovable than genocidal robots. Anyone that doesn't want to get along with the cute androids that nuked their families is evil.
612** Series/{{Battlestar Galactica|2003}}: The Finale: [[spoiler: Technology invariably leads to robot rebellion. Even when you're a robot yourself. Best to stay in the stone age.]]
613** Cylons are really people. But using all-or-nothing methods to stop them would make you just like a Cylon. But then wouldn't that make you a person, or does that make you a more machine-like Cylon than the Cylons themselves, or huurk..ghhhch... [[YourHeadAsplode BOOM.]]
614** Thrashing each other black and blue is a sign of equality in a relationship.
615** You can get away with murder (sometimes literally, and on a mass scale) if
616*** A. You are an authority figure.
617*** B. You are related to or favored by an authority figure.
618*** C. God made you do it.
619
620* ''Series/BeingHumanUK'':
621** If you're in any way different or if you've suffered emotional trauma at some point in life, then you are a monster who can never fit in with the "normal" people. Any attempt to integrate or move on with only result in death and misery, so you should just kill yourself [[spoiler: or be locked away]].
622** You'll never be able to atone for your mistakes or otherwise improve yourself, so commit suicide.
623
624* ''Series/{{Bewitched}}'': Of course you should stay married to the woman who hid her true eternal nature from you, who refers to you, your family, your friends and everyone you have ever known as 'mortals', who can literally vaporize you and wipe all memory of your existence from the universe, and whose family members are all jaded, warped, amoral eternals who uniformly think your are less than human. What could go wrong?
625** Also, your husband wants you to stop doing magic, this essential part of your identity. That's cool! You'd rather just be some guy's wife than a powerful witch anyway.
626** If your husband's appearance, voice, and mannerisms drastically change - it's okay! Don't worry about it, there must be a perfectly reasonable explanation that doesn't involve him dying and being replaced by powers beyond your understanding.
627** Alternatively, some guys are so boring they can be replaced and nobody will care.
628
629* ''Series/BeyondScaredStraight'':
630** Want to help kids turn their lives around? Take them to prison where they will get intimidated, humiliated, and terrorized by crazy, brutal inmates and cops.
631** Getting ten people to scream in someone's face is a surefire way to scare them into overcoming a crippling drug addiction.
632
633* Series/TheBigComfyCouch'':
634** You should indeed clean up your mess... but there's nothing wrong with shoving all the toys you played with into the couch cushions.
635** Throwing toys ''behind'' the couch is the same as tidying up.
636** you don't need a toybox. Just shove all your toys into the couch.
637
638* ''Series/BlackMirror'': The episode "Fifteen Million Merits": If you try to call out any reality show, you'll end up as its breakout star!
639** The episode 'The Waldo Moment': Referendum is bad!
640** The episode 'San Junipero': Your HappyEnding should be one where [[spoiler: both you and your partner die.]]
641** The episode 'USS Callister': Don't you ''dare'' to construct an escapist world/setting, otherwise [[spoiler: you could possibly be trapped in for a long while.]]
642** The episode 'Shut Up And Dance': Blackmailing someone such as a pedophile or an adulterer into committing crimes and doing everything you want is a very heroic thing to do. What is also heroic is making the information you blackmailed those scumbags with public after they did everything you demanded from them. Surely these people deserve it for their wickedness.
643
644* ''Series/BlakesSeven'': Don't bother fighting oppression. You'll only end up dead.
645
646* ''Bootleg'' (2002 Creator/{{CBBC}} mini-series): People who cook up prohibited substances in back rooms and then sell them to schoolchildren are heroes fighting against government tyranny.
647
648* ''Series/BostonLegal'':
649** It's perfectly acceptable to make a complete mockery of the justice system to prove a point!
650** If the kindly old lady who used to be your neighbor and is now your secretary kills a man, and then goes on a crime spree robbing convenience stores, you should totally ire her to be the sandwich lady!
651** Sexual harassment in the workplace isn't a real issue, and anyone who insists that it is, is just a sex-starved whiny bitch desperate for attention. Slapping the ass of a colleague as she walks by is just a friendly way of asking for a date!
652** Backstabbing in the workplace is the fastest path to promotion!
653*** Unless you have UsefulNotes/AspergerSyndrome, in which case InsaneEqualsViolent and you need to be cured!
654
655* ''Botched'':
656** Don't ever try to improve your looks, ever, because it will just end in disaster.
657** You should just accept being ugly and unhappy with your looks, because plastic surgery is way too risky these days.
658
659* ''Series/TheBoys2019'': Blackmail solves '''''everything.'''''
660** So, you have a superhero who wants to join your side. She's friendly, non-corrupt, and genuinely wants to help and save people. Instead of questioning your FantasticRacism regarding superheroes, or at least considering her as an exception to it, just constantly brush her off and insult her, because, as far as you're concerned, ALL heroes are bad guys in secrecy. Threatening to kill civilians, murdering innocent marine life, and using the death of someone's girlfriend to manipulate him into fighting by your side? That's what the ''real'' good guys do.
661** It's important to expose and nail corrupt superheroes when they get out of line, but only if they've wronged ''you'' personally. It's OK if a hero murders an innocent civilian you just tried to carjack, since they just cleared up a whole bunch of legal issues for you.
662** The best way to gain the public's approval? Poorly-made and '''''horribly''''' outdated memes that a 12-year-old in 2010 would come up with.
663** Mute people are manchildren with homicidal tendencies and a warped view of reality.
664** If a superhero accidentally kills an innocent bystander as collateral, he's a monster, but if he purposefully kills someone whose political beliefs differ from yours, he deserves your praise and adulation.
665** You should convince your ex-husband to team back up with his toxic friend so he can face his fears head-on and regain his resolve, despite the fact that said relationship was the main contributing factor in your divorce in the first place.
666
667* ''Series/BreakingBad'':
668** Feel free to get rid of that midlife crisis by cooking Meth on the side; If your wife starts to ask what's going on, she's the biggest bitch in the universe.
669** Powerful drug dealers and hardened gang members have no freaking idea what they're doing, even a high school chemistry teacher can best them with home made explosives, poison gases and some select sucker punches. ForScience!
670** When you inevitably kill / screw over / piss off someone important, someone even more powerful will have wanted them dead anyway.
671** Your former colleges offering to pay for your cancer treatment isn't enough to make up for that disagreement you had twenty years ago. [[DontYouDarePityMe Throw such trite gestures back in their fucking faces.]]
672** ''Everyone'' cares when a 14-year-old caucasian boy [[HollywoodAcid "goes]] [[NeverFoundTheBody missing"]]; practically nobody cares when it's a minority.
673** Family is all, and if your kids aren't willing to learn that lesson, [[AbusiveParents beat it into their skulls until they do]].
674** Don't run awry of any {{Broken Bird}}s; her father [[spoiler: may be an Air Traffic controller who could have a HeroicBSOD at the radar screen and allow two planes to collide]].
675** If you're going to rob someone, don't show them any pity - take ''everything'' they have. Otherwise, they may use what you left them with to gain a bloody revenge on you.
676** Don't try to see your former boss face justice for [[spoiler: poisoning a kid and being an accessory to murders of innocent people, you will end up in a FateWorseThanDeath and watch your loved ones die in front of you!]]
677** You need a small army of DEA officers to arrest petty drug dealers. The single most dangerous and cunning meth kingpin in the southwest only warrants his [[DefectorFromDecadence former]] [[TheDragon right-hand man]] and your NumberTwo.
678** Complete strangers come knocking at your door, saying they know your ex-boyfriend? Rather than call the police for you and your child's safety, take every word they say at face value and invite them into your home.
679** Don't deal drugs, kill people and become a generally horrible person, because if you do, your family ([[TheScrappy who nobody likes anyway]]) will reject you, your asshole brother-in-law will be killed and you'll be forced to [[FateWorseThanDeath spend a few months in New Hampshire]], before then going on to [[JustifiedCriminal provide for your family]], rescue your partner in crime and [[RoaringRampageOfRevenge get revenge on everyone who'd wronged you]], i.e. [[KarmaHoudini everything you'd set out to do in the first place]].
680
681* ''Series/BurnNotice'': It's okay to hit, shoot at, wrestle, and otherwise rough up a woman you ''care about'', provided that you let her [[DesignatedGirlFight take care of the ones who want you dead]].
682** Even if it means massive property damage, kidnapping, lying to police, and more, it's totally okay because they're criminals who need to be put behind bars.
683*** Large amounts of military grade equipment are always available for those out of favor with the government.
684*** Miami has lots of sexy girls and violent explosions.
685*** Well, they don't tend to be the same parts of Miami, but this one is actually pretty accurate.
686
687* ''Series/{{Charmed|1998}}'': Redemption is not possible. If you are evil, don't ever try to be good.
688** Some people are intrinsically good and some are always bad. Just because someone has sacrificed themselves for the sake of good multiple times does not mean they should be treated with any respect.
689** Disobeying those who might actually know what they are doing is okay because you are right.
690** Do whatever it takes to save the one you love, even if you have to steal your friend's soul to do it.
691** Treating the cast and crew like human flotsam will cause you to be replaced by Creator/RoseMcGowan. And then [[Series/ScareTactics2003 Tracy Morgan]]. (Wait, this is dangerously close to a real aesop...)
692
693* ''Series/{{Chernobyl}}'':
694** [[PerilousPowerSource Nuclear Energy]] is ''bad''. You should never want it anywhere near you otherwise incidents like ''this'' will happen.
695** Disasters that are kept out of the public eye until they no longer can be have only ever happened in the Soviet Union, and never happen in other countries. This is why communism doesn’t work.
696
697* ''{{Series/The Chosen|TVSeries}}'': You're a woman and a male stranger suddenly sneaks up to you in a filthy pub, forbids you your drink and stalks you into the streets? No worries! Such people ''really'' just want to help you.
698
699* ''Series/CobraKai'':
700** General:
701*** AdultsAreUseless.
702*** The80s were the best time in all of history. Everything was better for everyone back then.
703** "[[Recap/CobraKaiS1E2StrikeFirst Strike First]]":
704** All modern music sucks.
705** Asthma is a myth.
706** "[[Recap/CobraKaiS3E3NowYoureGonnaPay Now You're Gonna Pay]]":
707*** Schools will side with the bully and [[CrimeOfSelfDefense punish those that defend themselves]]. Your only option is to be a bully yourself.
708*** Political Correctness is meant to destroy the confidence and options of the marginalized, not protect them.
709** "[[Recap/CobraKaiS3E8TheGoodTheBadAndTheBadass The Good, The Bad, and the Badass]]": [[HollywoodRestrainingOrder You can just file a restraining order and it will automatically be in full effect with no investigation what-soever]].
710** "[[Recap/CobraKaiS3E10December19 December 19]]": Not being allowed to break into another person's house uninvited, destroy their things, try to kill and/or permanently cripple people you don't like would be a violation of your constitutional freedoms as an American.
711
712* ''Series/{{Columbo}}''
713** Repeatedly badgering a suspect until they crack is good detective work. It's not harassment, its just "asking a few questions"!
714** Chain of evidence is [[ArtisticLicenseLaw merely a suggestion]], so go head and snatch items and stuff them into an old trench coat.
715** Suspected murderers are rarely dangerous, so you can neglect your hand gun training; just have a friend spoof your attendance at your annual exam.
716** Getting a suspect to think they'll decapitate you to prove their guilt is good fun. So is [[ArtisticLicenseGunSafety shooting a fake gun]] at their face.
717
718* ''The Comedy Central Roast'':
719** Creator/BobSaget is so gay, that his asshole no longer is a hole, but a smile.
720** Creator/GilbertGottfried has the sex appeal of a school bus fire.
721** The name "Sommore" sounds suspiciously like "Some whore".
722** [[Creator/GregGiraldo John Stamos lost his wife to the fat kid from]] ''Film/StandByMe.''
723
724* ''Series/{{Community}}'': If you [[WorthlessForeignDegree fake your degree]], you will remain undetected for years and become a rich professional, rich enough to coast for five straight years apparently without a job. Once you are discovered and have to go BackToSchool, you will meet/create TrueCompanions who will help you with all your problems. Also, Paintball wars.
725** Hurrying to get a pizza may kill your friend.
726** Singing in a club/school play is evil!
727** Why go to a fancy Ivy League school when you can go to some hole in the wall community college? They have paintball tournaments and reenact famous movies!
728** Don't go to a community college. You'll end up a distorted parody of yourself, and you'll never achieve functional adulthood.
729** Both subtle and blatant racism is funny and therefore must be somehow shoehorned into your everyday life.
730** If you live with a terrible truth that you can't face, imagine yourself being normal and it'll go away. Also applies to ''Series/DoctorWho''.
731** About "Comparative Religion": [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons Christmas is the time when all religions come together to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ.]]
732
733* ''Series/CoronationStreet'':
734** Only innocent people are sent to jail/prison. A SerialKiller or otherwise true criminal will either be murdered, commit suicide or be sentenced to less than five years imprisonment.
735** Children are rarely born in wedlock.
736** If you happen to create a popular character, there's nothing wrong with trying to recreate that magic over and over again, no matter how hated and unoriginal the new person is.
737** Bullies are everywhere and [[KarmaHoudini never receive any true comeuppance.]]
738** Your recurring kidney issues are only an inconvenience/tragedy if the writers are trying to get the audience to feel sorry for you.
739** There's nothing wrong with marrying more than three times, including to the same person.
740** If you are known for cheating on your partners, you can still become angered/resentful if any of them cheat on you, as well.
741
742* ''Series/CrashAndBernstein'':
743** If you're the only boy in your family, buy a stuffed toy and it'll come to life.
744** It's best not to have a brother, because all he'll do is destroy things.
745** You're sexist for complaining about your stuffed toy brother destroying everything and being gross all the time.
746
747* ''Series/CriminalMinds'': Nobody who is a serious suspect for rape or child molestation is ever innocent. It doesn't matter if all the person accusing them has is a feeling -- that feeling will be spot-on. It doesn't matter if the person accusing them takes it upon herself to kidnap and torture the guy based on nothing but a feeling -- it's okay, because that feeling will inevitably turn out to be right. And if your suspect is innocent, that doesn't mean that he isn't a rapist or child molester -- it just means that you haven't found his victims yet. You will. Also, a woman who loves a criminal and refuses to turn on him, no matter how good her reason is for refusing, is hiding the fact that she's a criminal herself.
748
749* ''Series/{{Damages}}'': Legal ethics are for losers. Only by kicking morals to the curb will you be a successful attorney.
750
751* ''Series/DarkAngel'': Continuing bitching at and beating up on that guy you got off on the wrong foot with, no matter how much he changes. Certainly don't let it occur to you that his daily persona is as much of a mask as your own and that he needs (A) a friend and (B) [[ThereAreNoTherapists a therapist]]. Bonus points if he's identical to your dead psycho brother and you're a girl, because girls are cooler.
752** There is no problem that cannot be solved by a hot chick kicking ass.
753
754* ''Series/{{Dateline}}'s To Catch a Predator'':
755** A therapist will magically appear upon you trying to solicit a teenage girl.
756** The only reason to bring three different types of alcohol for a teenager is so you can drink in front of her instead of your own teenager.
757** You probably won't die from stabbing yourself in the neck with a pen.
758** Murphy, Texas is the cradle of idiocy.
759** "Roleplaying chatroom, dude" is two words.
760** Blublockers, hair dye and a muscle shirt will easily make a 68-year-old pass for someone forty years younger.
761** "Raw" means "NO RUBER".
762** A random house with cookies is directly on the way to the beach.
763** The main branches of the military are Army, Navy, Marine Corps., Air Force, Coast Guard, National Guard and Post Office.
764
765* ''Series/DaVincisInquest'': Sarcastic, drunken coroner who wants to legalize drugs = GOOD! Homeless junkies simply looking for a place to shoot up without getting arrested = MISUNDERSTOOD! Stuffy police officers who want to do things by the book = BAD!!!
766
767* ''Series/DegrassiJuniorHigh'':
768** [[AlwaysChaoticEvil All adults are child molesters.]]
769** "Bye-Bye, Junior High": If you're a struggling teen mom suffering from burnout, you have no right to complain because [[AppealToWorseProblems at least you're able to have a baby]].
770
771* ''Film/DegrassiSchoolsOut'': If you don't have sex with your boyfriend, he'll cheat on you. If you do, he already cheated on you when you wouldn't.
772
773* ''Series/DesperateHousewives'': Women should NEVER, EVER consider getting a job ''no matter what''. Even when they have no child to tend to, even when said children are sufficiently grown up to look after themselves, even if they're bored to death with staying at home doing nothing. No, they should all just engage in gossiping, being petty bitches to one another and cheat on their husbands while he's away to kill the time. That's actually more useful and purposeful than engaging in an activity that would benefit the community.
774** Additionally, White homemakers are all more or less {{Stepford Smiler}}s unable to do womething useful with their lives.
775** Homemaking is a tedious, ungrateful job, especially in StepfordSuburbia, that only guarantees a lifetime of boredom and pain because all husbands are either cheaters or controlling dicks and [[ChildrenAreAWaste your children will always do something to make you feel miserable and resent you no matter what you do]]. So why bother?
776** Never have a relation with a redhead. You'd end up dead or in a wheelchair.
777
778* ''Series/{{Dexter}}'':
779** Killing for fun makes you a monster. Killing other murderers for fun is perfectly justifiable and even [[SociopathicHero somewhat heroic]].
780** You can't fight your destructive urges, so you might as well indulge them as long as the people on the receiving end are worse than you and you don't get caught.
781** Stealing drugs from evidence locker and framing somebody for a crime that will get them life imprisonment is a noble thing, provided the person you happen to be framing is enough of a Jerkass.
782** You shouldn't bother to care and love your spouse and their children, otherwise [[spoiler: your target will eventually kill your spouse and your children will leave you.]]
783** As of the finale: If you are a "monster" with no feelings, don't try to change yourself. Maybe you will learn to love and feel empathy over the years, but at the end you will always be miserable and people you're close to are destined to die or suffer. The better choice is: keep yourself away from the ones you love.
784** Hannah:
785*** Murderers always deserve to be killed or punished, unless the murderer is a hot blonde you're attracted to.
786*** It's perfectly ok to date a serial killer who has also tried to kill your sister. She's very beautiful and she's the love of your life and that's the only thing that counts. Even your sister will eventually forgive her.
787
788* ''{{Series/Dimension404}}'':
789** "Cinethrax": Old stuff good, new stuff bad.
790
791* ''{{Series/Dinosaurs}}'':
792** "Getting to Know You": All negative stereotypes about foreigners are true, so you're absolutely right to be prejudiced against them.
793*** Your family may take you for granted, or worse, treat you like crap, but staying with them is a whole lot better than living with foreigners and (perish the thought) trying something new.
794*** If some foreigner criticizes you, don't attempt to change your lifestyle because the criticism is [[NeverMyFault never your fault]]. Instead, [[CantTakeCriticism eat the foreigner alive]] because some races really are just born mean.
795** If your child in in his or her “terrible twos” phase, an effective a way to cure them of that phase is to trick them into thinking they are 3 years old.
796** “Into The Woods”: The best way to teach young children to not be a SpoiledBrat and to start caring about other people is to abandon them at a park by themselves for 20 minutes.
797
798* ''{{Series/Dollhouse}}'': It's fine to set a guy up to get killed by gangsters and go around punching your coworkers, as long as you're doing it to save a girl that some anonymous person told you is in serious danger. And don't worry about jumping to conclusions, even if you don't have any real evidence, you'll eventually be proven right.
799
800* ''Series/DrakeAndJosh'': It's okay for younger siblings to constantly annoy you and play pranks on you, it's not like [[KarmaHoudini they'll get punished]] or anything.
801
802* ''Series/DrPhil'': Being a blunt, condescending, and critical {{Jerkass}} to your guests makes you a great psychologist.
803
804* ''Series/DrQuinnMedicineWoman'': If you are a HookerWithAHeartOfGold who is locked into a contract with the local pimp/womanizer, and you fall in love with the local telegraph jockey, then don't marry him. You ''will'' fall out of love with him, because marriage is another prison and you need to be a free, liberated woman.
805** Is the telegraph jockey on the verge of suicide? Bringing back his estranged ex-wife for a few days--the one that doesn't love him anymore and fled with their child--is a good idea and will probably heal his depression.
806** Your boyfriend should be at your beck and call at ''ALL TIMES''. If your barn is struck by lightning, and you and your kids ''still'' manage to put out the fire, then you are perfectly justified in yelling at your boyfriend for not being there to help you. Especially when he couldn't have possibly known that lightning would strike right when he was out doing something else.
807** If a progressive female doctor from Boston fights the traditions of a backwater Colorado community in order to improve it, then she is courageous, inspired, and forward-thinking. If a progressive male businessman from Boston does basically the same thing, then he's [[DoubleStandard very bad]] and [[AmbitionIsEvil probably only in it for the money]].
808
809* ''Series/EarlyEdition'': No matter how many lives you save, your life will always be miserable.In fact, saving lives only prevents your own happiness.
810** Being at the scene of a crime just in time to save a life every single day won’t make the police or the media suspicious at all.
811** "The Choice": If you have to choose between preventing a plane crash and preventing the death of a little girl, save the little girl. That will inadvertently prevent the plane crash.
812
813* ''Series/ElChavoDelOcho'': Don't try to save a kid from being hurt badly - his mother will slap you because she didn't let you explain.
814
815* ''Series/{{Empire}}'': If a female who's supposed to be your friend pushes you down a flight of stairs, causing you to lose your baby, you'd be crazy for attempting to beat the shit out of her.
816** It's okay for you to constantly bail your ManChild of a younger sibling out of trouble because you are older, despite him being a grown man and being old enough to bail himself out of trouble.
817
818* ''Series/EverybodyHatesChris'': Life is out to get you, no exceptions. Whenever something good happens to you, life's damn sure going to make sure it doesn't last.
819** If you're bullied, it's your own damn fault for being a target.
820** If you're accidentally rude to your mother, then you deserve to literally get a foot shoved up your ass.
821
822* ''Series/EverybodyLovesRaymond'': Any action, no matter how cruel and pointlessly over-the-top, is completely acceptable if your husband started it. Or looked like he started it. Or looked like he may be about to start it at some point in the undetermined future.
823** Never stand up to your parents, even when they're actively ruining your life.
824*** Also never stand up to your wife, even when she's actively ruining your life and physically abusing you. If you ever do get the guts to finally stand up to her, then ''you'' are wrong and you deserve to be punished even more.
825
826* ''Series/TheFactsOfLife'':
827** If you constantly complain about how childish everyone thinks you are, getting drunk, running away to New York without telling anyone and throwing a fit until your guardian breaks down and takes you to a concert of a musical artist you're obsessed with it a surefire way to prove your maturity.
828** Poverty is forever, but wealth comes and goes.
829** People from New York [[NotEvenBotheringWithTheAccent sound nothing like people from New York.]]
830
831* ''Series/FamilyAffair'': Children who have, in the span of a year, lost both parents, been separated from their siblings, and finally brought to live with a relative they barely know in a strange city halfway across the country can adjust to their new life remarkably well and almost immidiately. Even if they're six years old.
832
833* ''Series/FamilyMatters'':
834** Stalk your dream girl long enough, and she'll one day give in.
835** If a guy is obsessed with a girl and stalks her for years, it's romantic and endearing and it means StalkingIsLove. If a girl stalks a guy in a similar way, she must be a creepy and insane psycho.
836** You are a jerk if you dislike and get angry at your well-meaning but annoying neighbor. No matter if he keeps invading your home without permission (he just wants to spend time with you and your family!), destroying your property (he's just clumsy!), harassing your daughter (he's in love with her!), he's a good person and should be treated well.
837
838* ''Series/FakingIt'': If you fake being a lesbian, your popularity will skyrocket and you'll end up getting the guy you're into.
839
840* ''Series/{{Farscape}}'': If you and your friends find someone annoying, feel free to hit them whenever they're annoying you. Or when you're just mildly irritated. Or for no reason at all. [[ComedicSociopathy It's fun!]]
841
842* ''Series/FatherTed:'' Being put on an island where you are waited on hand and foot and your worst problems are a colleague who is mildly confused about issues and another who drinks a lot but is basically harmless is an appropriate punishment for embezzling funds supposed to be used to take suffering children to Lourdes.
843
844* ''Series/{{Firefly}}[=/=]Serenity'': Don't worry, you can make the KnightTemplar who's killed thousands of people just to get to one girl see the light with The Truth (TM), just like every KnightTemplar in history.
845** If forcing your views on someone doesn't work, and your rival still believes in the force of his own words, that's okay! You can just force him through your ship's engines. ''[[RunningGag Forcefully.]]''
846** Being a criminal is just fine, as long as you call yourself a rebel and occasionally return what you stole.
847*** And talk like a {{Cowboy}}.
848** Prostitution is a noble and fully enjoyable profession, with no inherent safety or health risks. Prostitutes are always honorable, insightful, and beautiful, and know kung-fu. Also, if a large, impersonal organisation (like a trade union) claims it can provide full protection trade unions that have no problem protecting them even when it has limited physical presence and the situation you are placing yourself in seems dangerous, you should totally believe them.
849** If you make an extremely short-lived show that develops a cult following, you can do no wrong.
850*** It's okay to complain about how a show ''will'' get ScrewedByTheNetwork, even if [[TheFireflyEffect its still on the air]], or [[Series/{{Dollhouse}} hasn't even aired yet.]]
851
852* ''Series/FlavorOfLove''
853** There's nothing creepy about a 40-something year old man dating women in their early 20s, nothing at all.
854** Degrading yourself on TV is the best way to get famous.
855** To assert yourself as a "strong" woman is to become a loud-mouthed ghetto bitch. Any man would see you as a "strong" woman.
856*** Being hateful, lacking class, and being a mean bully is okay if you're attractive.
857** If people have bullied you many times for your appearance and you suffer insecurity from it, it's your own fault for taking people's toxic, immature behavior towards you way too seriously.
858** You'll get mocked for being conventionally unattractive and you'll also get mocked for getting tons of plastic surgery to alter your natural appearance. You just can't win.
859-->'''New York:''' Give it up Deelishis, you look like a man.
860** All men want in a woman is a woman who can be a walking eye candy for them and are the biggest doormats to their abusive behavior. Any type of assertiveness will get you eliminated fast, even if it’s for the second time.
861*** The only thing valuable about a woman is her beauty. Not personality, intelligence, nor unique abilities. Just her outer beauty.
862** Ghetto women are spiteful bullies and are jealous of conventionally attractive and intelligent women.
863
864* ''Series/{{Frasier}}'': Real families don't talk. They only yell and blame.
865*** Members of real families only listen to part of a conversation and run with the Misunderstanding Ball from there. It's not ''Series/ThreesCompany'' if you [[SesquipedalianLoquaciousness use big words!]]
866** Working-class folk are uncouth, ignorant, destructive fools; spending time around them will only bring you misery.
867*** ...Unless they happen to be physically attractive. (In which case they will ''still'' bring you misery--but it's okay, because they're easy on the eyes!)
868** No one has it harder than the wealthy and well-educated.
869** Authority is either evil, corrupt, incompetent, or some combination thereof.
870
871* ''Series/TheFreshPrinceOfBelAir'':
872** You dropped out of college? Don't worry, you'll have your own talk show down the road.
873** If you child gets into a fight, send him across the country to live with your extended family.
874** "Ice Box" would be an idiotic name.
875** Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a 40ft drop will kill ya!
876** Zucchinis make lousy babies.
877** Pea green chairs only belong at a ''[[Franchise/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles Ninja Turtles]]'' wedding.
878** Just pass it to Will.
879** Wearing red shoes with a pink dress is a sign of bravery.
880** K.I.P. stands for "konceived in prison".
881** [[EvenEvilHasStandards The Menendez boys got home on time.]]
882** The best way to forget your troubles is to put a Pizza Hut in the garage.
883** [[Series/TheCosbyShow Clair would never talk to Cliff like that.]]
884
885* ''Series/{{Fringe}}'':
886** Do LSD. Do a lot of LSD. It will give you superpowers, and probably solve the rest of your problems. Also, use it recreationally anyway if that doesn't work.
887** The U.S. Government will fix your family's problems if you're smart enough to be worth their time.
888** {{Mad Scientist}}s are people too and should be forgiven for destroying the universe.
889
890* ''Series/{{Friends}}'':
891** Having sex with someone early in your relationship/on your first date is not weird at all. In fact, it's completely normal. If you're in a single relationship in which you haven't done the deed yet, what the hell are you waiting for?
892** It's completely outrageous if you haven't gotten some in a couple of months, because that's just embarrassing, you loser. And you're a very weird person if you don't want sex, because ''everyone'' needs it once in a while.
893** Men are either pathetic losers/doormats or shallow idiots. The latter get all the girls.
894** Being intellectual and talking about serious things is '''boring'''.
895** Fat people are the scum of the earth.
896** On the episode "The One With the Cop": You can get away with illegal things if you are good-looking and start dating a cop.
897** [[MonochromeCasting There are no people of color in New York City]] and if there ever were, then it should [[Series/MadTV be treated like a]] VerySpecialEpisode.
898
899* ''Series/GetSmart'': The most effective member of any [[strike: intelligense]] intelligence service is always the one who gets lost in a shoebox and insists on the use of ludicrously unhelpful equipment.
900** Corollary: the entire Western world still exists only through sheer dumb luck.
901*** You mean that isn't true?
902** Also, smart women should never actually speak their minds; just attempt to guide the really, really stupid man who gets all the credit towards a plan that isn't actually straight-up retarded.
903
904* Any ghost-hunting documentaries: The spirits of the long-deceased will always have time to 'make a noise' or 'push something' to entertain the ghost-hunting group. Oh, and almost all of them are from America or the United Kingdom and they all speak English no matter where you go.
905
906* ''Series/{{Ghosted}}'':
907** Should something happen to your old boss, all the time, effort, and contributions you ever earned in your career will be rendered null and void and you will have to start from scratch.
908** Proof is irrelevant. You're wrong if people say you're wrong and there's nothing that can be done.
909
910* ''Series/TheGoodDoctor'':
911** Autistic people sound like someone making fun of William Shatner.
912** Social acceptance as a Neurodivergent person isn't ''just'' how "Exploitable" you are - You need to be ''naturally'' good at it. Otherwise? You won't be tolerated.
913
914* ''Series/GreysAnatomy'': Doctors operating on you, especially female doctors, are far less concerned about your well-being than [[ProtagonistCenteredMorality their own personal drama]].
915
916* ''Series/GrowingPains'': Turning your life over to Christ means driving your show's writers nuts with requests for unnecessary and less funny rewrites so as to avoid being "pornographers", [[DarkShepherd bullying your co-stars into complying with your newfound beliefs]] and then screwing them over professionally if and when they fail to conform to [[HolierThanThou your standards of Godly behavior.]] As long as the Lord has looked upon you with His favor by making you the cutest thing on two legs with [[TeenIdol millions of teenyboppers screaming your name,]] [[KarmaHoudini you'll never be held accountable for any of your actions!]]
917
918* ''Series/HannahMontana'': You can have all the benefits of being a celebrity without any of the downsides of having high name recognition. That's taking responsibility for your choices!
919
920* ''Series/AHaunting'': Ghosts exist. And they almost always pick on white, middle-class Americans.
921
922* ''Series/HellsKitchen'': The best way to improve someone's skills is to yell and insult them.
923
924* ''Series/{{Heroes}}'':
925** If you develop a superpower, your personal life, social life, and/or career will go straight to hell. All personal relationships will be impossible to maintain under any circumstances. And only beautiful people can develop superpowers. [[HollywoodHomely Even the ugly people will be attractive]]. (See also: ''Buffy'').
926** You too can be brought back to life (if you're pretty and/or white).
927** The worst crime in the world is being constantly depressed, for which the penalty is death and anything less is an insult to those you bring down with you. Inversely, mass murderers are always appreciated, so long as nobody falls in love with them.
928*** Who's the depressed one?
929*** Everyone at some point, but more specifically Maya.
930** The future ''will'' suck. No matter what anyone does, there's an unspoken Law Of Conservation Of Suck. Suck cannot be created or destroyed. It may change the form of ''how'' it will suck, but it will suck.
931** When your father says you risk getting killed doing something stupid and dangerous, ''do'' the stupid dangerous thing. You will save the world.
932** Politicians are ManipulativeBastard (or at least those who are [[BeautyIsBad attractive]]).
933** If you get superpowers, your IQ will drop drastically. Even more if your power is especially awesome.
934
935* ''Series/HistoryBites'': Every period in human history (except our own) was nuts, to say the least.
936** Our show may look like garbage, being on NoBudget and all, [[AppealToNovelty but since it's from our own time, it's a million times better than]] ''Literature/TheAeneid''!
937
938* ''Series/HogansHeroes'': If you volunteer for a mission you can expect your country to keep you in uniform and behind enemy lines indefinitely no matter how dangerous or stressful the mission is or how successful you are.
939** Also, those wacky Nazis own the idiot ball so it doesn't matter how ill-conceived or half-witted your plans may be -- you will never be caught.
940
941* ''Series/HomicideLifeOnTheStreet'':
942** Only White, Anglo-Saxon cops get in trouble for police misconduct...unless you're a Black cop who started your career in the 60s, then you will routinely be in trouble with The Man holding you down and vengeful, Uncle Tom superiors.
943** The more conventionally-beautiful a female cop is, the more incompetent she'll be (''except'' for [[CreatorsPet Laura Ballard]], who is both beautiful and the perfect cop and don't you forget it, because you ''will'' be reminded of it. All the time).
944** [[NotEvenBotheringWithTheAccent If you're unsure what a "Baltimore" accent sounds like, don't attempt one.]]
945** The nicer you are, the more you're going to suffer. Also, if you're a NiceGuy with a lot of heart and passion for the job, don't try to stand out, be too emotional or assert yourself; you'll just be overshadowed by the current issues some other White guy who happens to be dirty, incompetent or otherwise shifty in behavior has (this even includes if you get ''shot'', his problems ''still'' come first).
946** If you're a 6'4", dark-skinned and barrel-chested Black man that has a [[QuestionableCasting 5'6", average-sized Black man with a medium complexion for a son,]] just say that he takes after his long-dead Italian mother and no one will ever question the disparity again.
947** Being a defensive [[ItsAllAboutMe narcissist]] [[NeverMyFault who can't accept blame for your failures]] is fine and dandy if you have a way with people, a thick-skin and wear a cool hat.
948** No cop has ever heard of the rock band Music/{{Kiss}} or knows what the word "Baltimore" spelled backwards looks like.
949** Your brother, ex-wives and close friends/ties to Baltimore will all be [[NegativeContinuity mysteriously forgotten once you]] [[Series/LawAndOrderSpecialVictimsUnit move to New York.]]
950
951* ''Series/TheHoneymooners'': Fat-shaming is hilarious when it happens to a man.
952** Regularly threatening to punch your spouse so hard they fly to the moon is a sign of an enduring, healthy relationship.
953** Mother-in-laws are evil and always out for blood.
954** [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking A white undershirt (with no shirt on top), a vest, and a porkpie hat is a good outfit to wear while working in the sewers.]]
955
956* ''Series/HouseOfCardsUK'' (or ''[[Series/HouseOfCardsUS US]]''): If someone is spreading scandalous rumours about the administration, they're not a paranoid conspiracy nut, just a poor victim of the Establishment.
957
958* ''Series/IDreamOfJeannie'':
959** Women, no matter how capable or powerful you are your contributions are nothing. Just be beautiful and servile. If a man messes things up you can help then.
960** If a guy ignores you and seems embarrassed by you, then he's the one you should be with.
961** If you're powerful it's okay manipulate the life of the person you love, no matter how many time they ask you not to.
962** It's perfectly okay for a woman [[HappinessInSlavery who is willingly subservient to a man]] to wear a harem girl outfit; just make sure the navel isn't exposed.
963** Coming by your coworker's house unannounced to snoop and try to question them about weird stuff that keeps happening is totally fine if you're a psychaitrist and/or work for the government.
964** If you try to kidnap your best friend's sort-of girlfriend, you'll be EasilyForgiven and the three of you will become best of friends.
965
966* ''Series/ILoveNewYork'':
967** It's only okay for ''you'' to insult ''other people's'' mothers or fathers. But if anyone of the guys dare say or even suggest something negative about ''yours''? That's unforgivable. [[spoiler:Even if you had this already bite you in the ass.]]
968** Women want men who just allow themselves to be {{extreme doormat}}s to their domineering behavior.
969** Never learn from your mistakes regarding past relationships.
970** Someone interrupting you while speaking on the phone with your mother [[DisproportionateRetribution is an adequate reason for spitting in their face.]]
971
972* ''I Love the 80s'' (and it's spinoffs):
973** Koreans loved ''Joanie Loves Chachi'' because it translated into ''Joanie Loves Penis''.
974** Each of the [[WesternAnimation/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles1987 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turles]] has an equivalent for every member of Music/{{NSYNC}} (except for Chris).
975** The sport of arm wrestling wouldn't even make it onto [=ESPN=]3.
976** ''Enfant terrible'' is Spanish for "terrible guy".
977
978* ''Series/InLivingColor'':
979** Bo Jackson knows cross-dressing.
980** "Fa-bu-lous" is three words.
981** When dancing, you should sell the sizzle as well as the steak.
982** The scent of graham crackers and day-old funk is alluring.
983** In NYC, the name "Joie" becomes "Joy". The name "Jackee" becomes "Jackie". The name "Sade" becomes "Sadie".
984** There's always someone who got physically ill whenever Music/MilliVanilli was on stage.
985** The word "ecstatic" is spelled "E-x-k-i-t".
986** Never distrust a man who acts carelessly in emergency situations if he's a fire marshall.
987** Arsenio Hall's hair looks like Gumby with a jheri curl.
988** Having less than eight jobs means you're lazy.
989** Shabba Ranks is an ugly Music/BobbyBrown.
990** Creator/{{ABC}} stands for "Ass-backwards and country".
991** If you're ugly and you use chemicals in your hair, then you should probably jump out of a window.
992** Music/LionelRichie is a talking horse.
993** Be all that you can be; [[TakeThat get an ugly wife and a messed-up life in the Army.]]
994** Marvin Hagler's head looks like a Milk Dud.
995** Homey don't play that!
996
997* ''Series/ItsAlwaysSunnyInPhiladelphia'':
998** Stay away from pubs in Philly. The people will fuck up your life completely.
999** Your friends will do nothing but bring out the worst in you.
1000
1001* ''Series/JackOfAllTrades'':
1002** French people are idiots, cartoonishly evil or [[StupidEvil on a gradient between them]].
1003** All Americans are uncultured swine everyone else can make fun of.
1004
1005* ''Series/TheJerrySpringerShow'': Having guests arguing, cursing, and fighting each other makes great television!
1006** ''Series/TheSteveWilkosShow'': Yelling, shouting, intimidating, and insulting your guests is the best way to tackle serious issues.
1007
1008* ''Series/JerseyShore'': Its perfectly acceptable to act like an egotistical horny jerk to everyone you meet as long as you look good doing it.
1009** Working out, getting tan, partying, and having sex are the only things that truly matter in life.
1010** Italian-Americans are a bunch of loud, vain, self-concerned, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking badly tanned]] jerks and bimbos.
1011
1012* ''Series/JimmyKimmelLive'':
1013** "Street Questions": If a couple of random joes on the street get some questions wrong, then that must mean their entire country is stupid.
1014[[/folder]]
1015
1016[[folder: K-Z]]
1017* ''Series/{{Kaleidoscope|2023}}'': Hannah Kim said it best: "The rich get richer, and we live." As evil as the 1% might be, don't even investigate them, or else they'll just kill you. Better to just help make them even richer, because they're above consequences, and nothing you could ever do will impact them negatively in any way.
1018
1019* ''Franchise/KamenRider'':
1020** ''Series/KamenRiderAgito'': If you find a guy with amnesia on the beach, you'd better let him live with you.
1021** ''Series/KamenRider555'': You can be a [[TheSociopath complete psychopath]] and still get away with it as long as people like you.
1022** ''Series/KamenRiderKiva'': Cheating on your girlfriend with the Queen of the [[OurVampiresAreDifferent not-vampires]] is a good idea.
1023*** How dare you get all angry over being horribly and permanently crippled? Be happy all the time, or else people will hate you!
1024** ''Series/KamenRiderDouble'': Sharing a body with your HeterosexualLifePartner is totally not gay.
1025*** You should totally marry the guy you only met a few months ago.
1026** ''Series/KamenRiderOOO'': A monster's arm possessing a comatose cop is definitely boyfriend material.
1027** ''Series/KamenRiderWizard'': BewareTheSillyOnes, or else you will get screwed ''big time''!
1028** ''Series/KamenRiderGaim'': If you impress an eccentric DJ, he'll [[spoiler:help you cheat in a contest to become a God.]]
1029*** It doesn't matter how hard you work for something, because another guy will just get your prize handed to him on a silver platter.
1030** ''Series/KamenRiderExAid'':
1031*** It's perfectly fine for public health officials to not inform the public of a deadly new virus. Even after a large outbreak kills several people.
1032*** That psychopath responsible for murder and biological terrorism shouldn't go to jail. Instead, trust he'll be well managed by a small group of doctors.
1033** ''Series/KamenRiderBuild'': When all else fails [[spoiler:flip the laws of physics on their head and reboot the universe.]]
1034** ''Series/KamenRiderZeroOne'':
1035*** No matter how bad of a person you are, or what terrible atrocities you inflicted before, you can be [[KarmaHoudini completely let off for what you did]] if you suffered a personal tragedy in the past or have someone/something you care about.
1036*** (The V-Cinemas): If you are a superhero, don't go to space. A bunch of people will die back on Earth while you're gone.
1037** ''Series/KamenRiderRevice'':
1038*** Your inner demon knows what's best for you.
1039*** Telling an amnesiac man you’re married to him is true love and totally not creepy.
1040** ''Series/KamenRiderOutsiders'': {{Totalitarian|Utilitarian}}ism is acceptable because HumansAreBastards and it's [[HobbesWasRight the only way we can make the world a better place]].
1041* ''Series/KeyAndPeele'': Don't do drugs or you'll poop your mouth.
1042
1043* ''Series/KidNation'': There is nothing wrong with having young kids create a society for themselves with no adults around in the middle of nowhere.
1044** Video games and arcades should not exist in society because it causes people to be lazy and stall on their jobs. These arcades and should padlocked up and shut down.
1045** It is okay to tear apart another person’s poster and defile it with a pogo stick as long as that poster concerns the election of a person that you hate. Surely you won’t get any punishment for doing that.
1046
1047* ''Series/KirbyBuckets'': Your sister is your worst enemy, and trying to have a good relationship with her is a bad thing.
1048
1049* ''Series/TheLWord'': Lesbians are better than gays, if only for the fact that they provide {{Fanservice}} for [[GirlOnGirlIsHot straight guys]].
1050** No matter what, Straight guys must be pandered to, even when a show isn't supposed to be about them ''at all'', even when a show is supposed to be aimed at a female audience.
1051** The only reason a straight guy would ever watch the show is for the sex scenes.
1052** [[BlatantLies Lesbians don't socialize with gay guys]] but they do enjoy [[WishFulfillment the company of straight guys]].
1053** All lesbians are bisexuals deep down and will always need a straight guy in their lives if they want to function properly.
1054** Straight women should all be bisexual. But straight men should ''never'' consider exploring this side of sexuality.
1055
1056* ''Series/LabRats'':
1057** Did your brother who kidnapped your children and tried to kill you, your wife and stepson get stabbed in the back by another criminal? That means your brother's a good guy now and it's time to turn over a new leaf.
1058** All high school principals are [[CrazyCatLady Crazy Cat Ladies]].
1059
1060* ''Series/LazyTown'':
1061** Fruit and Vegetables are good for you... at the expense of eating anything else.
1062** "Dancing Duel": You should always train hard, even if your competition is super incompetent and has no chance of beating you, because they might cheat.
1063** "The Greatest Gift": A greedy kid giving an empty box as a birthday gift is a selfless act.
1064
1065* ''Series/{{Leverage}}'': the government is corrupt and it's totally ok to trust a group of strangers who happen to be career criminals to give you your house, money, property back. You wanna know why? They have a fancy looking office!
1066** Wait, now they operate out of a bar. But that just proves how "of the people" they are!
1067
1068* ''Series/{{Life On Mars|2006}}'':
1069** It's perfectly acceptable to commit suicide and leave behind your caring, lonely mother just because you want to get back to a fantasy, even though you've spent the last fifteen episodes wanting to get out of said fantasy.
1070** Within every misogynistic, racist homophobe lies a [[NobleBigotWithABadge heart of gold.]]
1071** 1973 was bonkers, mainly because it wasn't 2006.
1072
1073* ''Series/LittleMosqueOnThePrairie'': If you choose to become a devout follower of your religion, then it's perfectly alright to start mouthing-off to your (somewhat lapsed) parents about not being pious enough. ''Especially'' if your mother only converted to said religion so that she could marry your father.
1074
1075* ''Series/LivingSingle'':
1076** Shakesville, Alabama has the highest ratio of adulterers in any city in the Continental U.S.
1077** You elaborate better when you're angry.
1078** Owning stock at UsefulNotes/McDonalds does not give you the right to waltz into any location and demand the secret sauce recipe.
1079** "Cleophus" is Latin for "ugly".
1080** If costume jewelry doesn't fool a burglar in the dark, it isn't fooling anybody!
1081** There are some poisons that can't be traced. Think about it! Think about it!
1082** Nothing flies out the window faster than a ''Jacksons'' [=LP=].
1083** Using a clothing iron to make a grilled cheese sandwich isn't recommended.
1084** The Bible and a Isotoner houseshoe are viable weapons to protect yourself from a burglar.
1085** Women don't want to wear a perfume that smells like corn chips.
1086** "Me So Horny" is the perfect song to listen to when you're about to consummate your relationship.
1087
1088* ''Series/{{Llanargollen}}'': "O Na, Mrs. Tomos!": There's nothing wrong with kidnapping your friend's cat to prevent your friend from moving out of town. Using the smell of a tuna-and-egg sandwich to find said cat is a far worse crime.
1089
1090* ''Series/TheLordOfTheRingsTheRingsOfPower:''
1091** It's ok to ignore your best friend for 20 years in which they married and had kids, events they expected you to be part off. They will forgive you anyway.
1092** It's ok to act like an hypocrite, be entitled and lie that you friend, who asked you to just let them be, is the one who demanded to be helped be installed king just to further you own goals, but when your friend happens to be a RetiredMonster that you forced to do something that they didn't want, now wants to do willingly what you forced them into, they are suddenly the bad guy.
1093
1094* ''Series/{{Lost}}:''
1095** There's no such thing as a good father.
1096** If your father is a sociopathic, murderous con man who abandoned you at birth, you should put yourself through hell trying to win his affection.
1097** Season 4: You can't run away from your own problems, it only makes things worse. Wait, that's actually a decent lesson. I'll try again: You are now responsible for everyone else's problems, supernatural or mundane, past or present, through no fault of your own, and YOU CANNOT LEAVE. (The Island, that is.)
1098** Building a whole series about an OntologicalMystery and then ending the show with no explanation about what it all means is ''perfectly fine''. (Grits teeth)
1099
1100* ''Series/Lucifer2016'':
1101** Harass a police officer until you are allowed to be their partner even you have zero qualification.
1102** Sexually harassing your work-friend isn't obnoxious and problematic. It's hilarious.
1103*** She'll eventually fall in love with you, too.
1104** You can get whatever you want if you're attractive enough.
1105** If you have tortured tons of people in Hell, you are definitely the best to judge criminals. Bonus point if you are covering your mother's criminal activities.
1106** Sociopaths who regret nothing are enjoying paradise in Heaven. Empathy for others will only increase your chances of being tortured in Hell for eternity.
1107** Make everything about you and your problems and you'll succeed anyway.
1108** Everything is God's fault. '''''Everything'''''.
1109
1110* ''Series/MadTV1995'':
1111** Taquitos go through one end and explode out the other.
1112** It's possible to gain 180 pounds over the course of one weekend.
1113** Creator/StevenSeagal can fly if everyone on the set believes that he will fly.
1114** Black people have no place on ''Series/DawsonsCreek'', ''Series/{{Friends}}'' or anywhere other than [=UPN=].
1115** ''Never'' confuse Music/WhitneyHouston with Music/DianaRoss.
1116** An ''Film/AngelasAshes'' board game [[TooBleakStoppedCaring is a terrible idea.]]
1117** Don't attempt online dating. Your only options will be your cousin, someone of an IncompatibleOrientation, a baboon, someone only keen on marriage because they're afraid of dying alone, a serial killer, someone dating you just to piss off their parents, a misogynistic polygamist, and someone who can't speak English.
1118** Don't try video dating, either. Your options there [[FromBadToWorse are even worse.]]
1119
1120* ''Series/MagnumPI'': Lazy good-for-nothing wastrels get to live in luxury and have all the girls swarm around them. People who have respectable jobs are boring.
1121** It's perfectly okay (in fact, downright ''amusing'') to sic your rich boss' vicious guard dogs on another person that your boss trusts with all his life, because you think that this trusted person is of a lower social class than you'd prefer.
1122
1123* ''Series/MalcolmInTheMiddle'': All women are either manipulative control freaks or one-dimensional love interests who will end up hating [[TheChewToy you]] anyway.
1124** "Graduation": MiseryBuildsCharacter, and how dare you want to take the easy route in becoming rich instead of going to college to scratch and claw in order to be a good person! Have you no shame at all?!
1125
1126* ''Series/{{Maury}}'':
1127** Use a condom.
1128** No matter how much of an unlikable jerk a woman is, the audience will always boo a man unless he's proven not to be the father.
1129** If unable to pronounce the name "Maury", you can always use the name "Murray" instead.
1130
1131* ''Series/MelrosePlace'':
1132** You will never end up with your soulmate, so just settle for whomever is convenient for you at the moment.
1133** You can blow up an apartment complex, damage private property, injure several people (one seriously) and kill a person and not only not do a second of jail time, but also retain your medical license.
1134** The city of Los Angeles only has exactly one law firm, one advertising agency and one hospital.
1135** People with abusive childhoods don't deserve happy endings.
1136** Villians and their relatives tend to die the exact same way.
1137** It takes a [[MadeOfIron real man]] to survive a boat explosion, getting shot in the chest and falling several stories at a construction site (just be sure that you fall onto someone else for that last one, though).
1138** Changing your hairstyle will change your personality.
1139** Trying to sneak into the bed of a paraplegic without their consent, seducing and/or sleeping with two siblings simultaneously, implied [[ILoveTheDead necrophilia]] and other unusually kinky sex antics are fine to show, but the prospect of two gay guys ''hugging?'' [[HideYourGays EW!]]
1140** Just because you're seen in virtually every episode and are involved in several story arcs doesn't mean you'll ever lose your "Special Guest Star" status. And if you're ''really'' unlucky, you won't even be promoted to the opening credits.
1141** [[RedheadsAreUncool Redheads--especially female ones--finish last.]]
1142** Wearing workout gear is against your average company's dress code, but jeans and miniskirts without any hosiery underneath is A-OK.
1143
1144* ''Series/MiamiVice'':
1145** Don't attempt to have a love life. They'll likely either wind up a killer, getting killed, or both.
1146** If you ever reunite with an old friend, watch out; they're probably into something illegal or otherwise shifty.
1147** Vice cops can afford yachts, luxury cars, and designer clothing.
1148** Driving around in a van with a giant bug on top of it is the best way to go unnoticed.
1149** All musicians of any genre are either evil, corrupt, doomed, or [[NeverLiveItDown extraterrestrial.]]
1150** An alligator and a panther are considered more viable pets than a cat or dog.
1151** All men can grow either a thick mustache, a permanent five o'clock shadow, a full beard, or [[CarpetOfVirility a lot of chest hair]] if not a combination of the above.
1152
1153* ''Series/{{Misfits}}'': If you are a teenager and you do not have promiscuous sex, drink, and do drugs, then something is wrong with you.
1154** Cheese beats {{Telepathy}}, {{Immortality}} and [[LovePotion Love Potions]], {{Invisibility}} beats cheese, knives beat invisibility, and [[TimeTravel rewinding time]] beats everything.
1155
1156* ''Series/ModernFamily'': It's okay to cheat on your fiancee if it turns out they were cheating on you too.
1157
1158* ''Series/MorkAndMindy'':
1159** That [[TheSchizophreniaConspiracy mentally ill "prophet"]] who [[TalkativeLoon talks to invisible people]]? Completely harmless. He's your friend. Invite him into your home, even if he freaks out your girlfriend.
1160** If you end up causing trouble due to the fact that [[NoSocialSkills you don't grasp the basic rules of society]], you'll be forgiven eventually as long as you're cute, innocent, and have a knack for spontaneous improvisational comedy. (The same applies to ''Series/TheBigBangTheory''.)
1161
1162* ''Series/MurderSheWrote'':
1163** The PoliceAreUseless. Always. They always get the wrong guy and are incapable of solving anything without the help of the snooping old woman with no professional experience.
1164** People dropping dead wherever you go? Police accusing you, your family, and friends of being responsible? And it sometimes turns out ''they are''? Don't worry, you won't suffer any negative psychological consequences from all of it and keep being a quirky old lady who people keep inviting places despite a murder happening every time you are around!
1165
1166* ''My Feet Are Killing Me'':
1167** Feet are gross.
1168** You can have an issue with webbed toes or warts and it would still not be the weirdest thing that a podiatrist has ever encountered.
1169
1170* ''Series/TheNextFoodNetworkStar'': If you're an ethnic minority, you must cook the style cuisine that matches your heritage, otherwise you're "not staying true to your roots." White people don't have a discernible heritage, so they get a pass.
1171** If you want to be a Food Network star, you have to be capable of doing everything on every show Food Network has, including running a food truck, making food in low time limits ''Series/{{Chopped}}'' style, and building a restaurant from scratch in a day. But actual skills that would benefit people doing a cooking show? Those aren't important at all!
1172
1173* ''Series/OneTreeHill'':
1174** It's alright to bring up teenage girls' "imperfections" (especially in regards to their weight), but not teenage guys'.
1175** You can receive only four years in prison for [[spoiler: killing your own brother in cold blood.]]
1176** It's perfectly acceptable to make fun of someone for having a dead parent but not an abusive parent.
1177** Being hit by a speeding car will neither kill you nor your unborn child.
1178** Alcoholism isn't a disease; cancer is a disease.
1179** You can engage in point-shaving and still one day be accepted into the NBA.
1180** A middle-aged man with heart problems can easily fight off two (mostly) physically fit athletic teenagers.
1181** You can be considered the best character on the show and be a real heroine in the eyes of many in spite of leaving your teenage husband to become/flirt with a rock star, occasionally complain about and dismiss your loving (if not simple and working class) parents and make fun of celebrities with eating disorders.
1182** And, of course, underage drinking is not a crime, even if the cops catch you red-handed.
1183
1184* ''Series/TheOrville'':
1185** HumansAreBastards. Even in a post-scarcity utopia, most people will be petty, incompetent, mean-spirited, reckless, and just plain stupid.
1186** If a democratic election isn't shaping out in the way you want, you should use online disinformation and bots to convince people to vote in your favor.
1187** [[DoubleStandardRapeSciFi Using chemicals to coerce a person to have sex with you]] is perfectly forgivable, even if you lie about it afterwards.
1188
1189* ''Series/{{Oz}}'':
1190** Don't drink and drive.
1191** There is at least one [[WhereTheHellIsSpringfield undefined]] state that practices every form of the death penalty.
1192** Christians are evil as sin.
1193** ''All'' prison & government officials [[BlackAndGreyMorality are evil, corrupt or just plain incompetent in some way or form.]] [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Every. Single. One.]]
1194** The best way to piss off an AxCrazy Aryan leader is to mispronounce his name.
1195** [[{{Nepotism}} If your loved one is a head writer on the show, then not only will you get away with your multitude of crimes and manage to survive the show, you'll even land that hot doctor whose life you essentially ruined.]]
1196** A wooly cap always manages to stay on the head of a bald man.
1197** [[AllCrimesAreEqual Anyone who commits vandalism, embezzlement and fraud deserves to be housed alongside rapists and murderers.]]
1198** The best time to insult a dentist is while they're working on your mouth; surely, it will not backfire on you in any way possible.
1199** [[EvenEvilHasStandards Even a manipulative bastard and psychopath will cheer on a nazi getting beaten up and literally crapped on.]]
1200
1201* ''Series/TheParkers'': Constantly stalk, harass, and pester the man you have a crush on who obviously doesn't return your affections. At the end, he'll love you back and eventually propose to you.
1202
1203* ''Series/PeepShow'': You will fuck up everything you do. EVERYTHING. Life, job, social interactions, love - EVERYTHING.
1204** Your intentionally unemployed, drug addict mate will fuck up everything for a slim chance of getting laid. So you should probably get rid of him.
1205** Stay away from people younger or poorer than you, they will inevitably rob you or falsely accuse you of pedophilia.
1206** To be a white male is to be constantly MistakenForRacist, because 90 percent of London believes in PoliticalOvercorrectness. Actual white supremacists are actually really swell guys. Also, most attractive women are uber-sensitive {{Granola Girl}}s who will inevitably force you into awkward situations before running off to sleep with some other bloke.
1207
1208* ''Series/{{Primeval}}'' : White men should never date black women. They'll only sell you out to a megalomaniac [[AndYourLittleDogToo and steal your pet.]]
1209** Environmentalists are evil.
1210
1211* ''Queen-Sized'':
1212** Apparently, popular kids have nothing to do with their time than bullying a fat girl and lording their "power" over others. This also applies to ''any'' movie featuring a fat teenage girl, [[BeautyIsBest who is always bullied and never accepted regardless of her confidence or personality,]] especially ''Film/ToBeFatLikeMe''.
1213** It doesn't matter if you're a {{Jerkass}} [[{{Gonk}} with homely facial features like unflattering bone structure or a nose too big for your face.]] As long as you're thin and well-off, you'll be accepted.
1214** The prettiest girl in school is always kind, a leader, gets along with everyone and is even a GracefulLoser.
1215
1216* ''Series/{{Queer as Folk|UK}}'' and the [[Series/{{Queer as Folk|US}} US remake]]: Gay shows mirror typical female-oriented plots and focus on relationships because the only PeripheryDemographic such shows ever have is straight women. Straight men wouldn't ever bother.
1217** AllGaysArePromiscuous and those who aren't are just caricatures of {{Smitten Teenage Girl}}s.
1218** A show with a CastFullOfGay can only be a melodrama, a RomCom or a slice-of-life thing. Gays don't ''do'' things other than getting tangled in their relationships. Yes, much like women.
1219** There are no {{Manly Gay}}s. Only the wishful thinking of horny teenage homos.
1220
1221* ''Series/{{Rainbow}}'':
1222** Episode 'Moving House': If your dad wants to move and you don't want to, tell all potential buyers of your home to fuck off and you can stay!
1223
1224* From the BBC's latest version of ''Series/RobinHood'': If you are a compassionate young woman who wants to help out the outlawed love of your life, a host of suffering peasants and the country that is slowly but surely being run into the ground, then you are ''not'' permitted to occasionally flirt with a man involved in the regime in order to gain information that could help aforementioned love, peasants and country. Doing this will make you a manipulative, dirty whore and when the man realizes that you've been playing him and runs you through with his giant [[strike:phallic symbol]] sword, it will be entirely ''your'' fault. But feel free to look on from heaven whilst your husband starts a relationship with the sister of the man who murdered you.
1225** From the same show: if you whine, sulk, bitch, moan, bicker, snipe and get kidnapped enough times, eventually the guy who you've been fangirling for the last eight episodes will grant you the honor of making out with him. Trying to goad him into leaving his other love interest to a violent death is okay too; he'll still consider you "compassionate."
1226** Since [[RedemptionEqualsDeath trying to become a better man or woman]] always leads to [[ShootTheShaggyDog pointless, desultory deaths]], just stay evil.
1227** Women in abusive relationships cannot be trusted; they clearly deserve what they get and after they're driven mad by all the abuse and betrayal that's been heaped upon them, the only way to deal with them is to blow them up. Oh wait...that ''is'' the aesop.
1228
1229* ''Series/LaRosaDeGuadalupe'':
1230** Praying gets you out of every single predicament. Every single one.
1231** Go ahead and bully that kid and make their life hell. You won't face any actual consequences whatsoever. All you'll get is a slap on the wrist and a generic anti-bullying lecture.
1232** To quote [[https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_8NknAFiyhOUaZqHR3lq3Q Quackity]], "Do not stan Lady Gaga, by any means, shape, or form; you will get ''fucked up."''
1233
1234* ''Series/TheRealHousewives'': [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons Girls can never be more than vacuous ninnies whose only goal is to look pretty, land a rich husband, and spend all day on the phone with their equally vacuous friends talking about how damn terrific it is to look pretty and have a rich husband!]]
1235
1236* ''Series/SaturdayNightLive'': Watching old episodes of this comedy variety show will give one a better understanding of the zeitgeist of prior decades than reading a history textbook ever could.
1237** A certain Spanish dictator has the ability to come back from the dead. This is the only sensible explanation for why it is newsworthy that he has not yet done so.
1238
1239* ''Series/{{Scrubs}}'': Women are selfish, spoiled harpies who can't stand not getting their way with anything, refusing to see their hypocrisy whenever a man calls them out. This goes double for women from the Dominican Republic.
1240** Also, that girl you dated back in '02? Have wacky ex-sex with her a couple times, then lie to yourself and her about your feelings for five years, including several months ''living alone with her''; everything will turn out great!
1241** It's ok to constantly emotionally abuse the woman who is pregnant with your child for one stupid thing she did when she was scared and hormonal because she did it first. Your friends will even help!
1242*** Conversely; lying to the farther of your unborn child, about whether or not said unborn child is alive or not, is ok. If he doesn’t instantly forgive you and say that he loves you (even if you’re not sure you’d gotten to that stage in your relationship the first time around) then he’s the one in the wrong and his friends will instantly turn on him to be on your side. How could he be such a bastard to you?
1243** Don't worry if you fail at being a responsible adult; your friends (who secretly can't stand you) will always pity you enough to be there for you. If no one else can be bothered, that is.
1244** Verbal abuse is the best teaching method ever.
1245** And that bully at work who torments you constantly, breaks into your locker, destroys your personal belongings (including your ''car'') and on one occasion ''drove you to the desert, stripped you naked and left you for dead?'' Relax! Don't bother reporting him to the boss--he's just having a little fun with you!
1246
1247* ''Series/{{Seinfeld}}'': No hugging, no learning. Oh, wait, that ''is'' the message.
1248** Don't help your neighbour's struggling business, as you'll only put them out of work.
1249** Feel free to celebrate your bar mitzvah by sexually assaulting a middle-aged woman and then brag about it to your peers. If for some reason she is unhappy with this action, ''refuse'' to apologize to her. If she calls out this behavior as immature, go ahead and renounce Judaism altogether.
1250
1251* ''Series/SexAndTheCity'': Femininity is all about a/ being a self-centred emotional wreck; b/ spending gazillions of cash on shoes, clothes and accessories to compensate for the lack of meaning in one's life and hoarding them as the ultimate trophy of your womanhood; c/ never taking responsibility for anything; d/ never being able to have one's life together without a man around to put that life together for you.
1252** Sexuality is women's unique form of social power.
1253*** ... but any sexually active unmarried woman should be ashamed of existing. [[MyGirlIsNotASlut How]] ''[[MyGirlIsNotASlut could]]'' [[MyGirlIsNotASlut you, you whore!!]]
1254** [[AcceptableFeminineGoalsAndTraits Fashion and finding a man are all women]] ''[[AcceptableFeminineGoalsAndTraits should]]'' [[AcceptableFeminineGoalsAndTraits concern themselves with.]]
1255** Marriage is the only thing women ''should'' aim for in life. Therefore, all marriages should be obscenely expensive and fastuous because it's about the sole thing a woman can actually achieve.
1256** Gay men write women better than straight men and can avoid stereotypes. Oh wait... Scratch that. Gay men ''pander'' better to women because most of them are just as shallow and catty as the average woman is supposed to be.
1257** Women bond with each other by being bitchy to other women and talking about sex, sex and more sex. Oh, and shopping.
1258** White women can't share a close bound with non-white women.
1259** You can have a very active sex life even if you're not very good looking and have a really irritating personality.
1260
1261* ''Series/TheSixMillionDollarMan'': Work for the government? Have an near-fatal accident? They can and WILL rebuild you without asking and then use you to hunt down dangerous criminals even if you have no training in that sort of thing.
1262** And your [[Series/TheBionicWoman girlfriend]], too!
1263
1264* ''Series/{{Skins}}'': Psychiatrists are useless at best, AxCrazy [[{{Yandere}} Yanderes]] at worst. So if you have a mental problem, it's far better to just self-medicate with various illegal drugs.
1265** Also, it's a great idea for teenagers to plan their entire futures around their current boyfriends/girlfriends.}}
1266
1267* ''Series/{{Sloborn}}'':
1268** Don't listen to the authorities ever. They all just plan to kill you.
1269** When you are the possibly only chance for saving humanity, but will possibly end up dead, don't wait for any explanations and run away.
1270
1271* ''Series/{{Smallville}}'':
1272** Lie to your closest friends about who you are because one of them is bound to be conspiring against you.
1273** More broadly, its important to lie to the ones you love all the time about everything because you can't risk them hurting themselves or others with the truth. Because letting the people most deeply involved in your dangerous and violent life not know what's going on is ''never'' risky.
1274*** If you have have a compromising photo of a radio talk show host you disagree with, go ahead and nail him with it! Even if the photo was staged and he was possessed at the time, after all it's not like you or your allies have ever done anything bad while being influenced.
1275*** Also when you find that an orphanage is training it's children into sado-masochistic fighters the best course of action is tell a little girl to wait for you here in the basement, proceed to get your butt kicked, and then leave and go home. Because even though you have no way of knowing yet, your girlfriend needs rescuing (again).
1276** Money and power can make you happy.
1277
1278* ''Series/SixFeetUnder'':
1279** Muscular black men are violent by nature.
1280** Don't move to Los Angeles if you value your life, as EVERYTHING is out to kill you. You may die a horrible death just by walking down the wrong street.
1281
1282* ''Series/StargateAtlantis'':
1283** When faced with an entire species that has no particular grudge against you and simply needs some food to prevent them all from starving, it is perfectly acceptable to refuse and try to wipe them all out.
1284** If you ever come across an intelligent race of human-like machines, kill them all. If that requires creating a self-aware model of said AI race, hell, why not give "her" a name right before you use her to commit xenocide?
1285*** Alternately, why not MindRape the entire AI species into committing genocide for you?
1286** Aliens are bastards. No exceptions.
1287** The salvation of the poor, oppressed, dark-skinned natives from their enemies can only be found in the kind-hearted pale-skinned folk from far, far away.
1288** For the episode "Brain Storm": Don't steal Rodney [=McKay's=] ideas and use them to stop global warming, or else Bill Nye the Science Guy will slap you in the face.
1289
1290* ''Series/StrangerThings'':
1291** If you report a runaway and possibly abused child to the authorities, the government will come and shoot you.
1292** Everyone cares when an eleven year old boy goes missing. Practically no one cares when it's a bespectacled teenage girl.
1293** If you drop acid while pregnant, your child will develop awesome psychic powers.
1294** The Soviets were smart enough to set up a high tech underground base deep in enemy territory that went completely unnoticed by the US government, but dumb enough to be foiled by a bunch of teenage kids who have barely started puberty.
1295** [[ProductPlacement Coca-cola was everywhere in the 80's but there was no such thing as Pepsi]]. It was completely normal to break up a dramatic moment to talk about how much you loved Coke for a couple minutes.
1296** It's okay to have cartoonish and unbelievable plots filled with way too much ProductPlacement if you're doing an {{homage}} to retro movies that had these same problems.
1297** Making your female leads hate boys is feminist.
1298** PoliceBrutality is fine if the other guy was being smug.
1299** Women problems are more important than poor people problems, especially when a black woman espouses how great capitalism is.
1300
1301* ''Series/TheSuiteLifeOfZackAndCody'': Trashing a hotel is perfectly fine if you can get away with it.
1302
1303* ''Series/{{Supernanny}}'':
1304** It is always the parents' fault when their children become bratty and out of control. No exceptions.
1305** The best way to get children to stop whining is to turn their whining into a mockery at family meetings.
1306
1307* ''Series/{{Superstore}}'': The best way to form a relationship is by cheating on your current partner with someone else.
1308
1309* ''Series/{{Survivor}}''
1310** Finding a relic or idol that gives you power, especially if it’s a super idol, also bestows upon you the right to be a {{JerkAss}} to anybody who wants you gone
1311** You should never eat any goat that comes across your way in a situation where you are all hungry and alone. Leave the goats alone.
1312** You are allowed to tell lies about your grandmother’s death if that mean spending time with your loved ones.
1313** Being nice is for losers, if you want to win money and be successful then you should start being a selfish jerk to everyone.
1314** If you don’t like being a jerk to win, then come up with the ultimate sob story that would makes everyone give you sympathy votes.
1315
1316* ''Series/SquidGame'': If a random stranger comes up to you and asks if you want to play some children's games with him, believe every word they say without question.
1317
1318* ''Series/TheTick2016'':
1319** Soft drinks are pure evil!
1320** He's not crazy; he's just smarter than you.
1321
1322* ''Series/ToddlersAndTiaras'': [[BlackmailIsSuchAnUglyWord Because "Child Exploitation" doesn't have a nice ring to it.]]
1323** Parents, have your fair shares of could have, would have, and should haves? [[StageMom Then force your broken dreams on your child!]]
1324
1325* ''Series/{{Torchwood}}'': If you're not bisexual, [[EveryoneIsBi there's something wrong with you]].
1326** Indiscriminate murder should happen every single day. At every given opportunity. Kind of like indiscriminate sex.
1327** When horrible things happen to you, don't seek a [[ThereAreNoTherapists therapist]]. Join an elite group of monster hunters. 'Cause no one's more suited to save the world than emotionally damaged people.
1328
1329* ''Series/TooSmartForStrangers'': Be afraid of the entire adult world, kids. They're out to get you!
1330** Rapists always respect the word "no".
1331** If people in animal costumes come over for a visit, they are always trustworthy.
1332** It's perfectly alright to leave your elementary-school-aged child unattended. They can take care of themselves, including knowing how to ward of kidnappers and paedophiles.
1333** Mom and dad might leave you at home alone for no apparent or explicable reason. However, if you have any problems, call your neighbor. If they are a known sexual deviant, it's still okay. After all, they are living next to you, so that means everything's just fine.
1334
1335* ''Series/TheTwilightZone1959''
1336** "Time Enough At Last": Reading books will lead you to a fate worse than death.
1337** "The Man in the Bottle": When making wishes with a genie, don't bother trying to be specific, it's going to backfire no matter what you wish for.
1338*** If your life is miserable, there's nothing you can do to change it. Not even supernatural intervention from a genie could make your life better. Best to just accept your lot in life.
1339** "Nick Of Time" : Never use silly fortune telling machines or else it will become a sick obsession that you will never escape from.
1340** "A Stop At Willoughby": Commit suicide and you'll get to go to your happy place.
1341** "Five Characters in Search of an Exit": Donating your toys to charity is an unbelievably cruel act (just like we learned in ''WesternAnimation/ToyStory2'').
1342** "Living Doll": Being miffed that your wife used your credit card without asking is an unforgivable offense that warrants being psychologically tortured and then killed by a possessed doll despite your attempts to apologize.
1343** "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet": If someone has a mental breakdown on a plane so severe that they need to be institutionalized for six months, having the first thing they do after being discharged be boarding another plane is perfectly reasonable. They're sane now after all, they would only start freaking out and ranting on about a monster on the wing of the plane if it were actually there.
1344** "The Eye of the Beholder": Validating people who aren't conventionally attractive is only possible through, or will inevitably lead to, outright fascism.
1345** “The Obsolete Man”: No authoritarian dictatorship has ever used religion to justify their oppressiveness before.
1346
1347* ''Series/TwinPeaks'': If you've wronged someone, don't try to make amends. They'll just interpret it as harassment.
1348
1349* ''Series/UglyBetty'': The man of your dreams is out there, but he's not the man you're with right now. ''Ever''. Pining from afar will make for a much more satisfying relationship than any actual coupling ever could.
1350** Women in positions of power are all power-hungry bitches with no morals. No exceptions.
1351** Your physical appearance doesn't matter in the slightest; if you wear braces and glasses, then you're ugly!
1352
1353* ''Series/UndercoverBoss'':
1354** If you see cameras in your workplace? Make sure you have a sob story ready for the new employee the cameras seem to follow around - because that's the CEO! Maybe they'll feel generous and reward you for your work!
1355** HardWorkHardlyWorks - Now, sob stories that get to the CEO? ''That'' will get you a promotion!
1356** [=CEOs=] have no power over things like employee compensation or workplace conditions. They ''only'' care when they are getting ''filmed'' for it.
1357** It sure is good that a lady who worked for three years at a sporting good store that makes nine-digits yet still lived in a homeless got a promotion... but someone's gotta take her place and won't receive any ''more'' compensation for their work than she did. But who cares? ''She'' got what ''she'' deserved.
1358** People will get what they deserve... but ''only'' if they are actually ''filmed'' doing it.
1359
1360* ''Series/VeronicaMars'':
1361** The episode ''Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves'' teaches us that if a hooker you have a crush on asks for a thousand bucks or her pimp will beat her up in what looks like an obvious scam, so you follow her and in response she asks for another 10 grand, this time for real... it really ''isn't'' a scam, stop rushing to conclusions.
1362
1363* ''Series/TheWalkingDead'': Don't ever become the "moral compass" of your group of friends, or else you will die.
1364** [[ADeathInTheLimelight Don't ever give long, inspirational pep talk speeches if you're not the leader of your group, or else you will die. Probably the very same day.]]
1365** With the addition of a new black person in any given group, another must die.
1366** Don't ever have a goal besides being an emotionless killing machine who only cares about surviving day to day. You care about something else besides living? You die. '''Always'''.
1367** Never try to rebuild a safe society. The person in charge will be a sociopath who wants to rule everything, or be useless and end up being killed by said sociopath.
1368** Pacifists are idiots. (Sometimes true though especially in a literal apocalypse).
1369
1370* ''Series/TheWaltons'':
1371** God hates city folks.
1372** It's OK to have lots and lots of kids even if you're too poor to afford to take care of them.
1373
1374* ''Series/WandaVision'': Using lighthearted entertainment to cope with your depression is bad!
1375
1376* ''Series/WaterlooRoad'': A week is plenty of time to mourn your murdered adopted daughter. After that you can get back to sexual escapades.
1377
1378* ''Series/{{Wednesday}}'': Cynical narcissistic goth teens are far better at dancing than every ballerina, ballroom dancer, tango dancer and tap dancer combined!
1379
1380* ''Series/{{Weeds}}'':
1381** Drug dealing is a valid and lucrative career choice.
1382** If you get need to get ahead in your organization, sleep with the boss.
1383*** Completing that, only with sex can you get ahead in life when you're a woman.
1384** If you're a cute, white, 30-something housewife, everything in the world will bend over backwards for you.
1385** If your kid is growing marijuana, be proud of him, as long as it's really good weed.
1386** Got a rich relative who is just hanging on too long? Just pull the plug. If that doesn't work, smother her.
1387** Being a coyote (smuggler of illegal immigrants) is easy and rewarding in more ways than one.
1388** Wait! [[TruthInTelevision So far all these are true]]!
1389** No matter what, women can't be trusted to make a good decision on their own, nor can they fend for themselves or teach anything of worth to their children.
1390** If a guy has sex with an older women it's because he really wants to screw his mom.
1391
1392* ''Series/TheWire'' (specifically, Omar Little): Committing crimes only against other criminals makes you a hero; even the police probably won't care.(Actually true, they are both crooks anyway so better them than innocent people).
1393** Donating a stained glass window to a local church will only lead to you getting investigated by the police for helping smuggle drugs into the country. If you're going to be part of the drug trade, you should do so for purely selfish reasons and not give anything back to the community.
1394** The System isn't designed to help you,and the people in power are selfish social climbers who only cares about their careers and not the community.
1395** Also criminals are normal humans like like everyone else trying to survive. While the cops aren't necessarily always the good guys. The "REAL" good guys however are stuck between a crushing classist/racist bureaucratic System and a community that don't trust them (usually for good reasons). Basically everything is ''FUCKED''.
1396
1397* ''Series/WizardsOfWaverlyPlace'': One wizard per family. I repeat, ''one wizard per family''. Them's the rules, people. No debate; no discussion. Anyone who questions this policy is ObviouslyEvil and must be stopped by any means necessary.
1398** The best possible girlfriend for you, and the only one who could hope to fully understand and appreciate you, without being a crazy stalker, is your sister.
1399** Only losers study. If you're a lazy manipulative [[VillainProtagonist Evil]], you'll get everything you want.
1400
1401* ''Series/WorldsStrictestParents'':
1402** Being overly strict gives you all the answers to how to parent your children. Do not be lenient towards your children in the slightest as any form of lenience will turn these kids into rebellious spoiled brats.
1403** The best way to punish your kids for even the slightest of transgressions is to add on tons of chores or make them do push ups. Surely those punishment will make them think about what they have done.
1404** . You have the right to insult a child’s parents and call them confused if that child is acting out of control.
1405** If you try discipline your kids and they refuse to do the discipline then kick them out of the house or force them to sit under the scorching sun for hours until they cave in. There is nothing abusive about these methods at all.
1406** Children must never stand up to their parents because it is always morally wrong. There are NO exceptions to this even if the parents are treating the kids like slaves.
1407
1408* ''Series/TheXFiles'':
1409** There's no such thing as PlatonicLifePartners. It ''will'' turn into romance. [[WillTheyOrWontThey It'll take forever, but it'll still happen.]]
1410** Bad people trying to kill your child? [[spoiler: Give the kid up for adoption]]! Because just getting the hell out your '''bugged''' apartment wouldn't make any sense.
1411** The mouth of Hell is somewhere near [[SavageSouth Arkansas.]]
1412** Never, EVER go to the bathroom, or something horrible will kill you. Better to wear adult diapers the rest of your life!
1413** Substitute teachers are actually demons in disguise.
1414
1415* ''Series/You2018'' or [[DoNotDoThisCoolThing "How to Stalk & Get Away With Murder in the 21st Century"]]
1416-->'''[[WesternAnimation/SouthPark Mr. Mackey:]]''' Probably sh-shouldn't have told you that just now. That was probably bad.
1417** If a white man had done and is about to do something heinous, let him and keep quiet about it or he will end or ruin your life.
1418[[/folder]]

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