Line #75 WarpThatAesop/ComicBooks


1	'''''[[IncomingHam WELCOME]]''''', '''[[LadiesAndGerms ladies, gentlemen, and tropers]], to DarthWiki/DarthWiki's Favorite GameShow'''...
2
3	'''''[[PowerEchoes WARP... THAT... AESOP!!!!!]]'''''
4
5	'''Comic Round! Ready.... GO!'''
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7	Visit entries from: [[DarthWiki/WarpThatAesop Main Page]] \|\| WarpThatAesop/AnimeAndManga \|\| '''Comic Books''' \|\| WarpThatAesop/FanWorks \|\| [[WarpThatAesop/AnimatedFilms Film - Animation]] \|\| [[WarpThatAesop/LiveActionFilms Film - Live Action ]] \|\| WarpThatAesop/{{Literature}} \|\| WarpThatAesop/LiveActionTV \|\| WarpThatAesop/{{Music}} \|\| WarpThatAesop/MusicVideos \|\| WarpThatAesop/ProfessionalWrestling \|\| WarpThatAesop/TabletopGames \|\| WarpThatAesop/{{Theatre}} \|\| WarpThatAesop/{{Toys}} \|\| WarpThatAesop/VideoGames \|\| WarpThatAesop/{{Webcomics}} \|\| WarpThatAesop/WebOriginal \|\| WarpThatAesop/WesternAnimation \|\| WarpThatAesop/{{Tropes}} \
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9	[[foldercontrol]]
10
11	[[folder:Comics in General]]
12	* It’s both normal and expected for characters created closer in time to the outbreak of the Civil War than the present to still have new adventures, despite no endgame in sight. Who cares about resolution when you have a CashCowFranchise?
13	** It’s also an accepted business practice to straight-up ignore what’s gone before, then act surprised when those RunningTheAsylum try to reconcile both and fail utterly.
14	* Super heroines: Do you have a really lame power? Don't worry, someone will complain and then you'll become an [[ComicBook/FantasticFour unstoppable badass]], [[ComicBook/XMen superpowerful and evil]], or [[Comicbook/TheAvengers a snarky]] EnsembleDarkhorse in the [[WesternAnimation/TheAvengersEarthsMightiestHeroes Animated adaptation.]]
15	* Do you have no superpowers, but an angsty origin story? You'll become a [[BadassNormal really cool badass]] [[CharlesAtlasSuperpower who can punch out GODS!]]
16	** If you ever survive a massive beating from a god, everyone will take it as a sign that you are the undeniable victor, and are completely capable of taking on anything in the universe.
17	* Lab accidents, radioactive materials and new technology will all give you superpowers, so it's totally ok to play in that pool of hazardous waste.
18	** And if you're a corporation that generates hazardous wastes, it's ok for you to dump them in areas that kids can get to. Actually, you're doing the kids a favor by giving them superpowers.
19	** Dump hazardous waste not in rural areas - but in ''cities''.
20	* Don't bother getting married. Sooner or later your entire relationship will be erased from existence by a middle-aged writer projecting his own sexual insecurities onto you.
21	* If you're going to be bad, make sure you're vicious, cruel, unique and horrible enough to be memorable and popular; there's no future in being a generic one-shot villain.
22	* Don't bother with executing a HeelFaceTurn - it won't stick. At best you'll end up stuck in the HeelFaceRevolvingDoor.
23	** Conversely, go ahead with that FaceHeelTurn: In the event you weren't insane, brainwashed or mentally controlled, you'll be EasilyForgiven anyway. Any stragglers who insist on not forgetting the horrible things you did will be brought in line by everyone else.
24	** Even in some universe? You're still evil.
25	* Don't worry about [[DeathIsCheap dying]]. As long as you're cool enough, you'll come back.
26	** As long as you're the main character and/or very, very popular, feel free to constantly dive into situations that are as dangerous and life-threatening as possible. [[LikeYouWouldReallyDoIt The odds are good the writers haven't the balls to kill you off.]]
27	* The general population are either [[Franchise/MarvelUniverse complete assholes]] or [[Franchise/TheDCU complete idiots]], both types being unexceptional [[GullibleLemmings lemmings believing anything anyone tells them]].
28	* Cities are ''death''traps and you would be better off living in a rural area:
29	** Despite that, StatisticallySpeaking, [[https://www.safehomesafe.com/why-urban-living-safer/ they're actually quite safer than rural or even suburban areas]], there's violent crime happening around ''every'' corner!
30	** Aliens, evil geniuses hell bent on world domination, CorruptCorporateExecutive types, the legions of Hell, monsters, or other such things will ''only'' appear in cities.
31	** All their buildings are made out of cardboard and paper mache and are ''constantly'' getting demolished every day. Though at the same time, they do seem to get repaired instantly so... there's that!
32	* Conversely, living in a city is great - since that means you might develop superpowers! Nobody ''ever'' develops superpowers in FlyoverCountry.
33	* ''ALL'' Cities are like New York City and have skylines very similar to it. ''No'' exceptions!
34	** Unless you specify you're on the west coast. Then all West Coast Cities are Los Angeles and maybe a bit of San Francisco.
35	[[/folder]]
36
37	[[folder:Specific Comic Strips]]
38
39	* ''ComicStrip/ForBetterOrForWorse'':
40	** Young women should give up adventurous and exciting lifestyles, get married to milquetoasts they dated in high school, and become childbearing housewives. It's a woman's duty, even if it's a thankless, difficult, aggravating job they hate.
41	** Your mother ''always'' knows what's best for you. If someone disagrees and gives a sound argument as to why they disagree, then too bad, TheComplainerIsAlwaysWrong. Remember, mother knows best.
42	** Hey married guys! You are completely justified in:
43	*** Pining over your ex-girlfriend from high school at your own wedding.
44	*** Pressuring your career-oriented wife into having a child she doesn't want.
45	*** Emotionally cheating on your wife, but only as long as it's with the aforementioned ex-girlfriend.
46	*** Begging said ex-girlfriend that you want her to wait for you, because you "have no home," even if you're still married. Bonus points if this occurs immediately after rescuing said ex-girlfriend from a rapist.
47	*** And if your wife is unhappy with ''any'' of this, it's only because she's a shrill harpy. If your wife leaves you, your ex-girlfriend will ''definitely'' be there to pick up the slack.
48	** If your boyfriend breaks up with you over an ex-flame, then it's only okay if she's of the same race and cultural background as him.
49	** Children are horrible monsters -- you have to take care of them and instead of spending any amount of time on yourself or your interests, you're constantly breaking up fights and lose your sense of identity at the same time.
50	** Men are pigs who slack off at home and rarely have anything supportive to say, but you have to marry one in order to have a family.
51	** Grace under fire is an ideal - rocking the boat and complaining to someone's face is too difficult or horrible, so instead you should let them do or say whatever they want... and then complain about them behind their back.
52	** Stealing another woman's husband away is perfectly wrong, so long as you think she's a shrew who makes him miserable.
53
54	* ''ComicStrip/FunkyWinkerbean'':
55	** Happiness is a lie. All good things must come to an abrupt end, to be replaced by pain and suffering.
56	** [[CerebusRetcon Everything is worse than you remember.]]
57	** Smirking is an appropriate, all-purpose response for anything from a good joke to getting your dream job.
58	** Any technology more than five years old might as well be a bundle of random sticks to teenagers. (Also applies to ''ComicStrip/{{Crankshaft}}'')
59
60	* ''ComicStrip/NineChickweedLane'':
61	** Coming out of the closet requires that you take the torch to your life before coming out and fully embrace the "gay lifestyle." The Gay Lifestyle apparently consisting of [[HaveIMentionedIAmGay proclaiming your homosexuality]] at every opportunity.
62	*** Also: NoBisexuals. That guy who was proudly and loudly gay who's now married to a woman? He's straight now. Don't ask questions. The guy who was married for decades and clearly loved his wife before accepting his same-sex attraction? Gay. Period.
63	** True art conquers all. True art excuses all.
64	** AllWomenAreLustful. Openly and shamelessly lustful.
65	** There have been no glamorous women born after 1940.
66	** SesquipedalianLoquaciousness = Cultured.
67	** A young woman's natural reaction to a marriage proposal is "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"
68	** UsefulNotes/WorldWarII was one big soap opera, at least on the Western Front.
69
70	* ''ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}}'': If your "friends" abuse you and give you no respect whatsoever, it's better to stay friends with them because it's better to have friends like that than to have no friends at all.
71
72	* ''ComicStrip/{{Garfield}}'':
73	** Cats have absolutely no problem digesting [[TrademarkFavoriteFood lasagna]], coffee, or any other human food. The only thing that might be toxic to them are [[DoesNotLikeSpam raisins.]]
74	** Overweight people, even if they're cats, are acceptable to mock. So go ahead and mock your cat for his weight.
75	** Quirky, socially awkward people with unconventional interests deserve to be ridiculed and laughed at at every turn, even if they're completely harmless and inoffensive.
76
77	* ''ComicStrip/CalvinAndHobbes'':
78	** Being an {{Jerkass}} BrattyHalfPint is wrong. But when everybody else acts like a {{Jerkass}} to YOU, that's totally okay.
79	** If you have a [[MrImagination large imagination]], something is wrong with you.
80	** A six-year-old boy is somehow capable of tying himself to a chair, even when the ropes are clearly covering his arms. At least, according to Calvin's dad.
81	** Speak roughly to your child, yell at him near-constantly, and snap at him even when he's doing things that are, let's be honest here, relatively harmless. That's sure to endear him towards you. Oh yeah, and feel free to lie to his face a lot.
82	** Feel free to cause so much frustration and stress in the people you interact with that they develop gray hairs, take up smoking or mix their medications or have to be CrazyPrepared just to go on walks. Also, feel free to constantly disrupt other peoples' attempts to actually learn at school. As long as you have a [[MrImagination big imagination]], [[NeverMyFault nothing is ever your fault]] and anyone's attempts to get you to do anything [[ItsAllAboutMe is sadistic tyranny that deserves retaliation.]]
83	** Babysitters, if a child you are supposed to be watching is annoying you in whatever shape or form then it is perfectly acceptable to lock that child in the cold garage until his parents get home.
84	*** It is also perfectly fine for you as a babysitter to not actually hang out with the child and do fun activism’s instead send them to bed by 6:30 so you could have some me time and either study for a test or chat with your boyfriend on the phone.
85	** Parents, it's okay to regret having your child.
86	[[/folder]]
87
88	[[folder:Specific Comics]]
89	* ''ComicBook/ArchieComics'':
90	** If you've been chasing the same boy for ages, and he barely acknowledges your existence unless he needs homework help, his car fixed, or a rebound date, by all means keep pursuing him. He's bound to choose you over the RichBitch someday.
91	** A sure way to keep your girlfriend is to beat the shit out of any guy who so much as asks her for the time. That's not scary at all.
92	** All girls just love dropping everything they're doing to participate in an impromptu beauty contest in bikinis or tight ski suits. They're waiting for you boys to ask them.
93	** Show your students you trust them by allowing your two most clumsy and careless pupils to conduct unsupervised experiments in the chemistry la--'''[[EarthShatteringKaboom BOOOM!!!]]'''
94	** The ''Archie Marries Betty/Archie Marries Veronica'' side story: [[BettyAndVeronica Marry The Betty]] or your life, and the lives of all those connected to you, will suck.
95	** Any story involving Ethel: If you're female and not very good looking, you only exist to be mocked and you'd better get used to it.
96
97	''Franchise/{{Batman}}'':
98	* In General: Even though killing that one unimprisonable, homicidal psychopath would save untold numbers of innocent lives, don't do it, because all life is valuable as long as it isn't that of minor characters or innocent civilians, who fucking cares about them? And it's not as if governments have a death penalty for good reasons or anything.
99	* ''ComicBook/AllStarBatmanAndRobinTheBoyWonder'': The best way to help a boy whose parents have just been murdered before his eyes is to kidnap him from the police who were trying to help him, abuse him verbally and physically, stick him in your dark, spooky lair all alone overnight, and make him catch bats for food. Not only will he ''not'' go completely bugfuck insane, he'll be forever grateful and loyal to you.
100	* ''ComicBook/TheKillingJoke'': Always, ''always'' use the peephole.
101	** Nihilism can be debunked by a punch from a muscular man in a bat costume.
102	** The main character is always right no matter what.
103	* It's perfectly OK to blame a fifteen year old for their own death. Certainly none of the blame should go to the psychopath who beat him halfway to death and then blew him up or the mum who just stood there looking only mildly perturbed.
104	* Killing criminals is an unforgivable sin. Beating them half to death, using the JackBauerInterrogationTechnique and violating multiple civil liberties, on the other hand, is fine as long as they're still alive afterwards. Alternatively, feel free to trick goons into killing each other or use them as {{Human Shield}}s when they shoot at you; it's not ''you'' killing them, after all.(Though it works since killing is too easy for them).
105	* Prisons and/or mental asylums should look as spooky and intimidating as possible, regardless of the fact that the point of both is usually to ''cure'' the people who end up there. And even if your asylum of choice for the criminally insane you keep running into turns out to have a terrible containment record with holes in security you could drive [[Franchise/{{Transformers}} Optimus Prime]] through and be staffed by people who are almost as psychopathic as the criminals they're watching over, don't bother taking steps to improve it or hire on staff who actually want to see their patients be ''cured'' of their conditions, that would be silly. (Though they can't be helped because their villains and justified since the time period is 50s at best).
106	* It's perfectly okay to be paranoid as fuck and assume that all your friends will turn on you some day. It's also perfectly okay to create contingencies to use against those same friends, even if you end up getting them all almost killed should those contingencies fall into the wrong hands, and to not tell them those things exist. And if they get angry about your blatant breach of trust and the fact you were stupid enough not to guard them better? Just call them a bunch of squares for not being as paranoid as you. And if they decide to hold a vote on whether to kick you out of their friendship circle? Just drop out on your own; they can't fire you if you quit!
107	* ''ComicBook/DarkNightsMetal'': Trying to be a moral paragon will not only do nothing to improve your lot in life, it will also create a multiverse filled with violent/degenerate/mutated versions of yourself that will inevitably come together to fuck up your world.
108
109	* ''ComicBook/TheBoys'': Anyone who is blessed with unearned power and isn't a full-time bastard is either mentally impaired or a babe in the woods.
110
111	* ''ComicBook/CaptainAmerica'': If a mysterious professor offers to inject your body with steroids to serve your country, do accept. You'll become a bad-ass Super-Soldier fighting for America.
112
113	* ''[[ComicBook/{{Shazam}} Captain Marvel]]'': Kids, follow mysterious old men into subway tunnels. You'll be rewarded with superpowers!
114
115	* ''[[ComicBook/{{CivilWar2006}} Civil War]]'':
116	** The best thing you can do for your friends and allies who want to fight evil is to throw them into a parallel universe prison that slowly drains them of happiness. They'll thank you, once they sign on to be de facto drafted soldiers for the US Government and assuming they don't go insane from despair and blow their own heads off.
117	** Holy shit! Is that the guy everyone saw die of cancer just a few years ago - SHUT UP AND FIGHT!
118	** Alternately: It doesn't matter how much property you destroy or how many people you hurt and kill as long as you're doing it for the right reasons. Anyone who says differently or tries to stop you from doing this in any way is an evil Fascist.
119	** The best way to prove you don't need government oversight is by declaring open rebellion against the government and attempting to change a legally passed Congressional law by force of arms.
120	*** Yeah, screw the Founding Fathers! Bunch of insurrectionists. Who needs that bill of rights shit? Congress is made up of our betters; they should have complete control of an army made up of super-powered slaves.... for the children, of course.
121	** It it okay to arrest a serving US soldier if they say they're not going to enforce a law that isn't even actually a law yet, even if said soldier isn't actually in your Chain of Command and has not received official orders yet.
122	** Conversely on Civil War and in a way Marvel Comics as a whole... Don't bother asking any authority figure on Earth for help...''EVER'' because ''no one'' can be trusted. The US Government (as mentioned above) wants nothing but a legion of superhuman slaves most likely to either enslave or kill off a large portion of [[{{Muggles}} Ordinary Humans]]. While the Superheroes post-[[ComicBook/CivilWar2006 Civil War]] now appear to look like [[SuperDickery Super Dicks]] who (while they used to keep those thoughts to themselves) would rather slam their heads into a steel wall instead of having to save our sorry asses on a weekly basis.
123
124	* ''ComicBook/ChickTracts'':
125	** [[SatanIsGood Satan is awesome]]! He's behind all the great music that's been produced in the twentieth and twenty-first century and, it appears, behind all the scientists and thinkers who're responsible for the scientific and cultural advances we've made as a species over the years. [[GodIsEvil That God fella]], on the other hand, stifles freewill and creativity and controls an army of repressive fanatics and dullards. He is also a sadist who damns people for things they had no control over, that were slight misunderstandings at worst or that were literally forced upon them.
126	** Everyone play D&D! It gives you magic!
127	*** That goes double for the guys out there, since it's also a good way to meet hot witch chicks!
128	** If you are not a Christian, you will lead a much more interesting life, get to do things other than spreading the Word, ''and'' you get cool magic powers! Heck, all of the above is true if you happen to be Catholic, Orthodox, or anything that isn't Evangelical Fundamentalist!
129	** Forgiveness and salvation are both instantaneous and permanent, providing both physical and mental restoration. Once "saved", you will never backslide and sin again! EVER!
130	*** Also, once "saved", you are instantly qualified and able to do the same for others.
131	** "Help Me, Jesus" is basically "ByThePowerOfGreyskull" for Christians.
132	** To Jesus, fear of Hell is just as good as genuine repentance as a reason to come to Him. And ten times as common![[note]]An Aesop just as broken for the fact that this is a common belief among actual Christians.[[/note]]
133	** [[BeautyEqualsGoodness Ugly = Evil.]]
134	** 90% of children and teens in America have never heard of Jesus. 90% of ''them'' will become true believers immediately upon being told about Him.
135	*** The 10% who don't convert become embittered and/or evil adults and deny Jesus out of sheer spite.
136	** Do all the good works you want and live a godly life. But if you don't bring people to Jesus to be "saved", you're going to the same hell as the dirtiest sinners.
137	** Jews and Muslims have no idea who Jesus is.
138	** Being gay is worse than murder.
139	*** In that same vein, all homosexuals are rapists and you will turn homosexual if you get raped.
140	** Tolerance means letting someone rape you. Especially when they are of the same sex as you.
141	*** If you get raped, it's your fault and you should feel dirty and ashamed. But don't worry, God will still forgive you.
142	** Child sexual abuse and infecting your daughter with an STD is ok as long as you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.
143	*** Saving someone's soul overrides reporting their crimes against a child.
144	** Muslims gain converts by having them say magic words. [[ObliviousToHisOwnDescription Christians do the same]], but [[DoubleStandard it's okay when they do it]].
145	** If your parents are divorced, that means that they don't love you anymore.
146	** There is no hypocrisy or moral dissonance in decrying Catholics as Christian-In-Name-Only heretics, yet embracing one of their central tenets (The Holy Trinity) as absolute truth.
147	** Werewolves and vampires are ''real''!
148	** If a preacher is liked by his congregation, this means he is a heretic who waters down and corrupts Christian teaching.
149	** If you stop to think at all before making a potentially life-changing decision (especially if it's faith-based), ''you will die.''
150
151	* ''[[Creator/DCComics The DC Universe]]'':
152	** If a previously-unknown, ancient evil threatens the universe, [[ComicBook/GreenLantern The Guardians Of The Universe]] have been keeping it a secret because:
153	### They caused/created it.
154	### They sealed it away when they couldn't destroy it.
155	### They're {{JerkAss}}es.
156	### All of the above.
157
158	* ''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}'':
159	** Being completely batshit insane and hideously mutilated is the only way to be cool. Also, courtesy of ComicBook/{{Cable}}, it's OK to be the biggest dick in the universe so long as you happen to be from the future, even if you're basically doing something just to make the US look stupid and get your old girlfriend back. Also, harbouring terrorists: fine. Killing or even imprisoning unstable unrepentant mass murderers: not okay, if they're your friend.
160	** Also, if you're Deadpool it's okay to torture and imprison your friends. Even if you leave him for dead at an evil hideout, Weasel will always love you. Like you. Have Stockholm syndrome for you. You get the idea. Actually, I'm not sure this one isn't supposed to be warped.
161	** As long as you are [[BlackComedy morbidly]] [[DeadpanSnarker snarky]], you can kill as many people as you want for profit and/or fun, and [[EnsembleDarkhorse everyone will love you]].
162	*** Though in-universe, it doesn't matter how much you want to change your ways or how much good you've done- if the good guys think you're too annoying, they'll never forgive you! (Yes, even if they forgave people far, far worse than you).
163
164	* ''ComicBook/TheDepartmentOfTruth'': Belief doesn't make you stupid... ''it makes you dangerous.''
165
166	* ''Comicbook/{{Earth 2}}'': Good cannot defeat Evil unless Good becomes just as ruthless as Evil.
167
168	* ''Comicbook/{{Empowered}}'':
169	** Just because trying to follow your dreams has thus far resulted in nothing but pain, humiliation, and daily brushes with death, rape, and other unpleasantness is no reason for you to give up. Keep trying! It'll feel really good when you finally get it right! ...For about five minutes. Then it's back to getting beat down, tied up, and mocked. But it's totally worth it! Really!
170	** That immense personal victory you achieved? Yeah, nobody cares. Well, maybe your boyfriend, and your best gal-pal that both of you have {{UST}} with. But other than that, don't even bother mentioning it.
171	*** Said gal-pal should ''totally'' move in with you two, by the way. Especially while she's suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder! Hell, why not help her bathe and let her sleep in your bed while you're at it? After all, what's a few mixed messages in a time of severe emotional crisis between friends?
172	*** Never let your friends move in with you, even in their times of greatest need.
173	** Your co-workers are assholes. This is an immutable, universal constant. Learn to live with it.
174	** You will meet all the important people in your life while bound, gagged, and wearing skintight fetish gear.
175	*** If only because you will spend 90% of your time bound, gagged and wearing skintight fetish gear
176	** The best place to keep SealedEvilInACan is on your coffee table, where it will provide surprising sage advice.
177	*** Don't worry about anyone trying to take it off your hands, either. The minute you so much as bring it up in conversation, they'll quickly come up with an excuse to make you keep the damn thing.
178	** The likeability/personal value of nearly every creature in your universe may be determined by whether or not they like you. Yep, everyone who dislikes or disrespects you in any way is an asshole of the first order, and many of them deserve to be sodomized to death by a fire elemental who looks suspiciously like Rob Zombie. Funny how it works out that way.
179	** Your super suit's reliabilty varies depending on the degree of your determination/confidence while using it, such as when you had to save the life of your boyfriend; it's ultimate form has only ever appeared at a moment of direst need when you were defending a dear friend. So...given how most of your attempts to defend the public have ended up, one is left to assume you don't care about civilians, or at least aren't as determined about helping them, as your demeanor might otherwise indicate...
180	** Brainwashing yourself is a perfectly valid method of self-improvement, and not at all unhealthy or creepy. At worst, it's just superfluous.
181
182	* ''Comicbook/{{Fables}}'':
183	** So you've finally captured the EvilOverlord who drove you out of your homelands, oversaw the rape, torture and murder of untold innocents, and still tried to conquer you in your new home? Great! Offer him citizenship and complete amnesty as long as he promises to behave. By no means should you try him for his atrocities and then execute him or at least imprison him for life.
184	** If you don't forgive the woman who tried to kill and eat you when you were a child, that makes you a bad person, and you'll end up murdering your sister.
185	** If at first you don't succeed, quit. Totenkinder defeated [[BigBad Mister Dark]], but he later escaped, and that means she can't fight him again.
186	** Libertarianism is great.
187	** Treating people who aren't conventionally attractive like shit is completely fine.
188	** Feminists are bonkers.
189
190	* ''ComicBook/FinePrint'':
191	** LoveHurts. Sex is awesome. You need nothing else in your life.
192	** {{Lust}} is the most powerful force in the universe
193
194	* ''ComicBook/GetJiro'':
195	** The food business is a cut-throat WretchedHive where even the good cooks will kill you without warning for not enjoying their food in the most sufficient way.
196	** Sushi restaurants are the most dangerous places imaginable.
197	** Minorities are being protected from scrutiny by the cops.
198	** The more disgusting the kitchen, the better.
199	** ''Truly'' great foods are from street-vendors and hole-in-the-wall establishments with slobbish kitchens. Only sell-outs have standards.
200	* ''ComicBook/GetJiroBloodAndSushi'': Only expect a promotion when the status quo shifts. What you do and how well you do it doesn't matter.
201
202	* ''ComicBook/IdentityCrisis2004'': The only drawback about [[MindRape brainwashing bad guys]] (and occasionally, their victims) is that it doesn't stick.
203	* ''ComicBook/CountdownToFinalCrisis'': Your teammate is forced to make the hard decision to take the life of an OmnicidalManiac instead of risking just knocking him out trying for [[TakeAThirdOption a third option]] (and hoping his mind control over your most powerful member wears off then). Support her? No. Give her the benefit of the doubt even if you think she screwed up. Oh no! Stand up for her when her adoring public suddenly turns on her en masse. Silly Rabbit! You dive on top of the dogpile! And never EVER offer any suggestions as to what could've been done instead of killing him! Oh, and the teammate whose secret plans and tech got hijacked to make the Maniac's plans nearly come to fruition? Give him a pass. After all, he didn't kill anybody.
204	* ''ComicBook/InfiniteCrisis'': And that ''other'' OmnicidalManiac? The PsychopathicManchild who's personally destroyed multiple worlds ''with a smile?'' Find a way to reason with him. He's mowed down dozens of your teammates and enjoyed every second of it? Find a way to reason with him. Ask your magic users or reality benders to see if they can take him out? That's not reasoning with him, so don't even think of that.
205	*** Particularly not if he's shown himself capable of dispatching both magic users and reality benders and surviving anything up to and including the destruction of a universe.
206
207	* ''ComicBook/{{Irredeemable}}'':
208	** If you ever make one or two mistakes in your life, everyone will hate you forever. All good work you ever did will be forgotten instantly.
209	** Also being evil is fun.
210
211	* ''ComicBook/JohnnyTheHomicidalManiac'':
212	** It's okay to kidnap, torture, and murder people in gruesome ways as well as go on killing sprees in public places, because it's pretty much a given that everyone you kill will be a [[DisproportionateRetribution jerk who makes fun of your hair]]. Also, you can easily get away with murder if a wall is telling you to paint it with blood, because demons are protecting you from consequences.
213	** Also, while murder and torture for flimsy reasons may be [[ValuesDissonance badass, cute, funny, or endearing]]; [[RapeIsASpecialKindOfEvil rape is NEVER okay]]. Got it? You murder, you're the {{Woobie}}. You rape, you're irredeemable.
214	** Anyone who would be a fan of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac would have to be a disgusting psycho, who would be killed by Johnny if they ever met him. Don’t read and enjoy this comic or you deserve a gruesome death.
215
216	* ''ComicBook/TheLeagueOfExtraordinaryGentlemen'':
217	** Turns out the christians were right about Harry Potter
218	** All stories may exist, but the ones that are actually important are mostly either older than your parents or are so obscure you'd most likely only know about them by looking them up.
219
220	* ''ComicBook/LockeAndKey'':
221	** If the ghost of your possessed teenage sweetheart murders your mother for you, then manages to become corporeal, you totally need to let him stay at your place and help him come up with a new identity and give him false alibis should he happen to murder someone. Because you owe him, remember?
222	** If your father was murdered, your mother raped, and you had to hide with your little brother fearing a similar fate, don't go to a therapist or anything. Just use a magic key to literally take the fear and sadness right out of your head.
223
224	* ''Creator/MarvelComics'':
225	** Tackle homicidal maniacs on your own. Never call for backup.
226	** Correction: Tackle homicidal maniacs on your own. Never call for backup. Except for [[WolverinePublicity Wolverine]].
227	** The government is always evil, any hero who wants to work with them is [[GodwinsLaw worse than the Nazis]].
228	** This insane supervillain helped save the world, obviously he's a good guy now and putting him in charge is a good idea! (I'm looking at you, Osborne!)
229	** Don't get married. Unless your last name is [[ComicBook/FantasticFour "Richards"]], it will only lead to heartache and/or death.
230	** Don't be a woman. You will end up [[TorturePorn tortured for titillation]], [[DisposableWoman killed off]] in the most gruesome way to push the story of the man you love, targeted for sexual abuse etc... Why? Because all women are bitches and will get what they rightfully deserve [[StayInTheKitchen if they dare to step out of the kitchen]] where they belong. Suck it bitch!
231	** This warped Aesop is not just connected to Marvel Comics but nearly every superhero/human related Comic/Tv Show/and or Movie created in the past 20 to 30 years. Any child born with ''Any'' superhuman abilities whatsoever (even if their only ability is to bend spoons by squinting as hard as they can.) they will automatically be required to be come a superhero instantly and as such will have absolutely no time for friends, family or even school or a steady paying job as literally ''All'' of their awake time will be required to fighting crime and Nothing else because..
232	*** 1. Any and All forms of police and law enforcement are either far too corrupt or incompetent to catch even the most minor of criminals so its up to Superhumans and ''Only them'' to do any real police work.
233	*** 2. Even though New York in Marvel Comics has literally ''Hundreds'' of superpowered vigilantes only the comics DesignatedHero and only him/her alone can save or keep the city safe (the fact that 9/11 in the Marvel Comics universe still happened even though dozens of adequately superabled heroes were around to stop it was simply {{Handwave}}d away with several ReedRichardsIsUseless explanations).
234	*** Basically the entire Aesop is centered around the same logic that as long as any living human as the ability to adequately walk, run, and use their hands regardless of age they should be instantly conscripted into military service almost from birth given a automatic rifle and sent directly into the front lines and stay there until they die either from fighting or old age.
235	** Doctor Doom should be allowed to TakeOverTheWorld: He'll make the world a utopia. Then, once things won't fall to crap the monent he stops micromanaging, he'll get bored and wander off.
236	** If you're an ordinary person, you're perfectly justified in berating and insulting the superpowered people who just risked their lives to protect you, whether you're complaining that they didn't help you or insulting them when they do. And when they have repeatedly shown that they'll do the right thing without any expectation of a reward, continue harboring suspicions about them and accuse them of secretly planning to conquer or kill the populace. Continue doing this to the point that many people who read fictionalized depictions of your world think that frankly you don't ''deserve'' the protection of the superpowered people and wouldn't blame the heroes for finally saying ScrewThisImOuttaHere and leaving you to whatever the villains have in store for you.
237
238	* ''ComicBook/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagicIDW'':
239	** [[Recap/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagicIDWIssue40 Issue 40]]: Got a student who could stand to make some friends? Give them a baby to take care of, and make them desperately juggle that with school. That's just as good as encouraging them to socialize with others their age.
240	** [[Recap/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagicIDWIssue81 Issue 81]]:
241	*** Come across a simple piece of technology that would let you easily compensate for a DreamCrushingHandicap? Feel free to use it to help someone else with a minor injury, but don't even '''THINK''' of using it for yourself.
242	*** There's nothing wrong with letting an injured child fly with some contraption thrown together in a few hours from whatever junk was lying around.
243	** [[Recap/MyLittlePonyFriendshipIsMagicIDWIssue86 Issue 86]]: Doing drugs will turn you into the [[Main/DrugsAreGood ultimate party animal!]]
244
245	* ''ComicBook/NemesisTheWarlock'': If you find out that a close friend of yours is actually using you for giggles and fun in a game against a complete tyrant, then you should betray your friend and sell him out to his tyrannical arch nemesis in order to teach him a lesson and blame him for any misfortune that came his way, including the deaths of his wife and child.
246	** Never trust anybody who has a head shaped like dragon and has cloven feet. They are mostly either amoral and manipulative, or are just extremely crazy.
247	** Always listen to the guy who is HolierThanThou and thinks that anybody who is ugly and does not appear human is evil, even if that guy is a mass murderer who is only half-right.
248	** It is important to bring those who have committed unspeakable atrocities to justice in a court of law, even if such criminals are those who are way too dangerous to keep alive and will manipulate, threaten, and kill the witnesses, judge and jury. It is important to do this because it will expose their crimes to all of the world, even though it will cause serious consequences.
249	** If your husband divorces you and remarries another woman then it is acceptable to get back at him by pretending to fall in love with him again, tricking him into killing the second wife, and then humiliate him in the remarriage ceremony.
250
251	* ''ComicBook/MonicasGang'': Don't try to correct any of your physical or personality flaws, because if you do, you will lose what made you special and have to be [[ReplacementFlatCharacter replaced with someone else that had that flaw]].
252	** If your parents are concerned that your lifestyle is harmful in many ways for both yourself and everybody else around you (themselves included), completely [[IgnoredEpiphany ignore]] anything they just say and continue on with that lifestyle, and then give them the excuse that by doing so, you'll have many stories to tell your grandchildren.
253	** If your friends tell you that you are bossy and short-tempered, they are the ones in the wrong and should be punished by [[NotHelpingYourCase getting the shit beaten out of them]]. [[DoubleStandardAbuseFemaleOnMale Unless they are the same gender as you]], then use passive-aggressiveness instead.
254	** Movies for adults are only fun to watch when you are underage. Once you turn 18 and can legally watch the film, it's not fun anymore since you no longer need to sneak past the adults that work on the theater.
255
256	* ''ComicBook/PlanetHulk''/''ComicBook/WorldWarHulk'': Slaves should remain as slaves. If you free them, they'll destroy a city of a million people and start an interplanetary war trying to get revenge.
257	** Don't bother trying to find out whether a group of people actually did the atrocious deed you blame them for -- just show up on earth with your gang and beat them into bleeding tatters. And don't listen if they try to explain themselves. You're really really mad now, so that makes everything you do okay.
258
259	* ''Comicbook/ThePunisher'':
260	** The best way to deal with trauma is to distract yourself from the psychic pain by going on a killing spree.
261	** Mentally unstable lone gunmen are the real heroes.
262	** Goths really are as scary as they look.
263	** If you're suicidally depressed, don't kill ''yourself'', become a SerialKiller and kill ''other'' people instead!
264	** Never process grief, let it consume you and eat you alive. This will enable you to do great things.
265
266	* ''Comicbook/{{Robin\|1993}}'': If two of your best friends, mother, and father have all died, stepmother is missing and presumed dead, adoptive father is missing, two of your adoptive brothers have made repeated attempts on your life, adoptive sister tried to seduce you into joining her, um, [[TakeOverTheWorld conquest(?)]] after framing you for murder, and the girlfriend you thought was dead turns out to be alive, then you are being an emo wreck for worrying about the state of the city.
267
268	* ''ComicBook/ScottPilgrim'':
269	** Women are objects for you to fight over! And they have no purpose in life besides as either a goal or a sex doll.
270	** Your ex-boyfriend is trying to murder your current boyfriend because they have beef with you? It's your current boyfriend's problem, not yours. Its his own fault if he starts to have a problem with it.
271	** Your significant other's ex is a dick and they've got a problem with you? ViolenceIsTheOnlyOption.
272
273	''Franchise/SonicTheHedgehog''
274	* ''ComicBook/SonicTheComic'': You can be a total asshole to everyone you meet, including your own friends, and still be hailed as the world's greatest hero.
275
276	* ''ComicBook/SpiderMan'':
277	** The most you can hope for is to hold the inevitable back; nothing you do will have any lasting effect. Vicious supervillains imprisoned? They'll be out well before their sentence is up, even if they're sealed in a concrete block with coma inducers pumped into their bloodstream. Rampaging monsters cured? It's only temporary. Sadistic sociopath killed by his own weapons? Not only will he have something like a dozen replacements and spin-offs, but eventually he'll be back and end up ''one of the most powerful men in America'', even though ''everyone knows he's a sadistic sociopath''. Oh, and you should be afraid of new clothes -- sometimes they turn out to be monsters.
278	** With great power comes great mobility.
279	** ''ComicBook/OneMoreDay'': Divorce? Bad. DealWithTheDevil? A-OKAY!
280	*** Divorce is bad, but marriage itself is no big deal.
281	*** [[Creator/BobChipman If you screw up and have to make a deal with the Devil, make sure it's with the Marvel Devil. That guy's got no idea what he's doing!]]
282
283	* ''ComicBook/{{Promethea}}'':
284	** Creator/AleisterCrowley was right about '''everything'''.
285	** UsefulNotes/TarotCards not only work, but they can help you achieve enlightenment.
286
287	* ''ComicBook/SquirrelGirl'': [[WhatMeasureIsANonCute If you're cute enough]], you can beat the ever-loving shit out of anything [[HardWorkHardlyWorks regardless of actual ability]].
288
289	* ''ComicBook/{{Superman}}'':
290	** Anything you do with either with ''or'' without superpowers to make the world better ''will'' either turn you into either a Genocidal Maniac or a universally [[OmnicidalManiac Omnicidal]] ball of DOOM since anything you remotely do to stop crimes gives you such a immense rush or feeling of godlike power that either you may try to take over the world or Blow it up at the slightest provocation. Even just the mere act of trying to stop a AbusiveParent from slapping the Crap outta his kid could send you over the edge from law-abiding citizen to superhuman dictator with delusions of grandeur.
291	*** And Wonder Woman will be his ride-or-die [=Dragon/Lover=] through all of it.
292	** Likewise this warped Aesop can be used for any current superman storyline or any other comic story with a superman-like character in it (''ComicBook/{{Watchmen}}'', ''ComicBook/{{Miracleman}}'', ''ComicBook/SquadronSupreme'', the list goes on and on...).
293	** ''ComicBook/SupermanAtEarthsEnd'': As long as it's not Hitler or robots, guns are bad.
294	** ''ComicBook/SupermanRedSon'': An Earth completely controlled by a single person is bad, but only if that person happens to be an alien. Total control by a human is fine and will in fact lead to a utopia.
295	** ''ComicBook/WhatsSoFunnyAboutTruthJusticeAndTheAmericanWay'': All superheroes who kill are not only psychopaths who will eventually go after innocent people but also whiny hypocrites.
296
297	* ''ComicBook/TarotWitchOfTheBlackRose'': Christians are evil unless they're Catholic.
298	** Witch-hunters were right. Witches are dangerous and we're better off without them.
299	** Walking around naked in the dead of winter isn't a problem when you want to show off your ti-- I mean when you have magic.
300	** A metal-bikini and high-heels is the best armor when faced against steel-weapons, fire-breathing monsters and the elements.
301	** Wearing an apron and nothing else is the best uniform for a blacksmith.
302	** If your womb turns cancerous and has to be removed, it'll grow back eventually.
303	** [[DoubleStandardRapeFemaleOnMale If your boyfriend gets raped by a bunch of different women, it's funny]].
304	** Incest is fine if it's between sisters.
305	*** Sisters sharing boyfriends isn't weird or anything.
306	** Killing or allowing death to happen is okay if its your religion... unless its Christian.
307	** If your girlfriend is promiscuous, put all the blame on her lover(s).
308
309	''Franchise/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles''
310	* '''General:'''
311	** Having teenagers ''literally'' fight your battles for you is cool, actually!
312	** If one of your children has a history of anger problems, the best solution is to make him fight ''more.''
313	** Toxic chemicals and living in the sewer will have absolutely no negative effects on your health.
314	* ''ComicBook/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtlesMirage'':
315	** If you kill someone, make sure to also kill their pet, because that pet may want revenge and train a few turtles to kill you.
316	** It's totally okay to to raise and train kids for the ''sole'' purpose of killing someone to avenge a loved one.
317	* ''ComicBook/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtlesIDW'': You should let yourself be abused because it's the only way your abuser can feel strong. That makes ''you'' the strong one.
318
319	* ''ComicBook/TeenTitans'': No matter how experienced the black guy and the cute girl are at leading, the only real leader of any group has to be the white male.
320	** Teen superhero teams are like any teen group - sooner or later, they will be challenged or replaced by another group of teens who are on drugs or have bad role models. Or, in the worst cases, both.
321	** Superpowered teenagers should be isolated from adults and repeatedly placed in deadly situations under the guidance of a mentally unstable acrobat.
322	** Letting groups of teens pick fights with murderous superpowered psychopaths is a great idea, and don't let the shockingly high death rate tell you otherwise!
323
324	* ''ComicBook/ThirstyMermaids'': It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Or don't ask for forgiveness at all. Everything'll work itself out anyway.
325
326	* ''Comicbook/{{Wanted}}'': If you plan to relate yourself with a comic book character who is clearly a VillainProtagonist then you are a pathetic waste of human flesh to think that guy is going to be a good guy in the end.
327
328	* ''ComicBook/{{Watchmen}}'':
329	** Asexuals are either AmbiguouslyGay or sociopathic vigilantes.
330	** People who commit atrocities against innocents and blaming the atrocities on someone else for the sake of saving the world from nuclear war should be EasilyForgiven, even if the act consists of killing millions. Attempting to tell the citizens the truth about these atrocities is wrong because it will cause humanity to go extinct and it will make you evil and deserving of death.
331
332	* ''ComicBook/{{WITCH}}'':
333	** ''Never'' trust ''anyone'' named "Ibsen".
334	** A thirteen-fourteen year old girl raised in another world will know how to rule because the prophecy says so.
335	** You shouldn't have someone cover for you because they will eventually want to live their own lives.
336
337	* ''ComicBook/WonderWoman: The True Amazon'': You can cause a massacre over an unrequited crush and still go on to be a role model for women and girls everywhere.
338	** At worst, you'll lose your title as an honorary UN ambassador because people who never read about this part of your life think your boobs are too big.
339
340	* ''ComicBook/XMen'': An unregulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of highly unstable people to have and use deadly superpowers shall not be infringed.
341	** ...And yet they still ''also'' have pro-gun control aesops, because mutant powers don't kill people, guns do.
342	** Are YOU a Holocaust survivor with mutant abilities? Do you look at the way that mutantkind is treated on Earth and see some disparaging similarities to the atrocities you yourself were forced to suffer through? Do you want to use your FreudianExcuse and powers to make changes to the world and make yourself seem sympathetic to humans? Well, make sure you name your organization the "Brotherhood of EVIL Mutants" and just start blowing shit up, they'll accept you for it eventually!
343	** Martin Luther King is right - you should work within the system to change it. Except this actually never works. So nonviolent protests don't solve anythin-wait, King ''actually believed'' that was a dead end?!
344	** No matter how many times you revert to being a murderous terrorist, you'll always be forgiven.
345	** Minorities should all live on an island off to themselves rather than trying to live with people who aren't their kind.
346	*** Unless you're [[ComicBook/{{Deadpool}} insane and weren't born a minority.]]
347	** When you're called "Homo sapiens superior" and thus are considered genetically superior to common people? You're the victim of bigotry.
348	*** It's okay - only the ''EVIL'' people believe ''that''.
349	** Are you slightly different from everyone else? You have to either become a terrorist or a student for a school of superheroes, otherwise you will be hunted, hated, and feared and evil robots will try to kill you. Just because.
350	** The only trait that determines your place in society is your genetic code.
351	** [[HaveYouTriedNotBeingAMonster Being a mutant and being gay is the same thing]].
352	** Disabilities are the next step in human evolution!
353	** Having eye problems means you can shoot laser beams and cause property damage.
354	** Disabilities can cause your skin and muscle to turn into paraffin.
355	** People who are afraid of you because you probably have the capability to inflict severe harm on them or others are just bigots.
356	** You're useless to society and should be kept away from others.. unless you can use your abilities for society's betterment. Then you may stay.
357	** Being a victim of the Nazis makes you evil.
358	** Never, ever, ever, ever give up on your bestest friend, no matter what awful shit he pulls. Blowing things up and taking over countries is just how he deals with his decades of mental trauma. It's fine if he becomes a crazed supervillain; you love him so very much that eventually that love will convince him to be a good guy! [[HeelFaceRevolvingDoor Usually.]]
359	** The Krakoa-era X-Men: Peaceful coexistence between minorities and majorities is impossible, and the minorities should not only give the majorities a reason to fear and hate them, but also take over the entire universe.
360	** Anything related to Genosha:
361	*** Slavery is ''completely'' okay!
362	*** ''NEVER'' say keeping people as slaves is wrong - because doing so means the nation they live in will turn into an absolute death world.
363	* ''New X-Men'' (the one written by Craig Kyle): If you're a teacher, the best way to protect your students is to single one out and make her life hell.
364	* ''ComicBook/{{X 23}}'' (The eponymous series, not the character): There's nothing wrong with a teenage girl and a man twice her age travelling together.
365	[[/folder]]

Context WarpThatAesop / ComicBooks