Follow TV Tropes

Following

Context SelfDemonstrating / Wheatley

Go To

1[[quoteright:250:[[VideoGame/{{Portal2}} https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Portal_Wheatley_1943.png]]]]
2
3->"''He's not just a regular moron. [[BlatantLies He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived.]]''"
4-->--'''SelfDemonstrating/{{GLaDOS}}''', on me.
5-->''Wait, wait, wait. How did this get here? Seriously, '''[[ThatLiarLies don't trust her.]]'''''
6
7Ha! I KNEW someone would open my link! AH! Oh. My. God. You look terribl- ummm... good. Looking good, actually.
8
9So, uh... yes. This is... a page. My page. All mine. Nothing to do with... [[SelfDemonstrating/{{GLaDOS}} Her...]]
10
11So, yeah! This is my page. It's, um, very nice. A little bit sparse? But y'know, I'm working on it. Why don't you go ahead and read it? I mean, it's no [[Literature/ThePrince Machiavelli]]- which I've ''read'', by the way, I can ''literally'' read - but it's interesting! Very interesting. You'll notice it's a ''great'' deal more readable than ''Her'' page, 'cause I'm not changing the capitalization or the little teensy writing style every third letter or so. Nope, not good ol' Wheatley! Consistency is my middle name. ...Though, actually, I don't have a last name, so I can't really have a middle name either, so... yeah.
12
13Anyway, you just sit back, read in comfort, and imagine that I'm talking to you in the kind of smooth, chipper Bristolian accent you might associate with [[Creator/StephenMerchant very tall, very blonde, very... um... bespectacled, British comedians.]] [[WebAnimation/Harry101UK Or a very talented YouTuber.]]
14
15I'm a robot! ''Personality Construct'', to be precise. Very fancy. I come from the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center, which, again, I'm a computer, I aid...uh, and I've had a lot of jobs! Biggest one was watching all the humans in cryo-sleep. I did that, uh, for a couple of hundred years, possibly thousands, didn't exactly set a timer or anything, which, in retrospect, might actually have been why all the humans died.
16
17[[HeroicMime ...except one!]] So we teamed up! You know! We had the brains! We had the beauty! And you know! She was also involved, helping me out! Kicked ''Her'' right in Her massive metal behind! And, then...some other stuff happened, down the way, but that's basically it!
18
19[[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial Really. ...really.]]
20
21Also, on an unrelated note, anyone kind enough to conduct some kind of [[spoiler:space rescue mission]] for me or if someone happens to pass by [[spoiler:near the moon, [[http://youtu.be/yok7eyyKM3Q here are my coordinates]].]] Oh, also, if you see a [[VideoGame/LegoDimensions tiny plastic block figure that looks like me,]] ask him how he [[spoiler:got out of space]].
22
23Wait, what? Why are those words invisible? Hold on, just wait a bit I can fix it... wait a bit... I can... ... Err... while we're waiting, why don't you feel free to [[SchmuckBait highlight that line]]? [[BlatantLies Trust me, there's no spoiler in that spoiler tag.]] Especially big [[spoiler:endgame]] spoilers about myself. Hey, there it is again! Wonder why that is? [[note]] [=GLaDOS=]: THEY're '''spo'''i''lers'' YOU '''idiot'''.[[/note]] Hey! Who let her in here?!
24----
25!!What's a trope? Is this a trope? ...''These'' are tropes, aren't they. Ooh. My bad, my bad. Blame me. Blame the innocent little core. Just like humans.
26
27
28* AffablyEvil: [[spoiler:"Affable" is a good thing, right?'']]
29* AIIsACrapshoot: Oh, way to keep it classy.
30* TheAlcoholic: [[spoiler: I just - I just ''had'' to test.]]
31* AllGirlsLikePonies: And boybands... right?
32* AndIMustScream: [[spoiler:Yeah, what with all that, floating around the moon, spacey-stuff... thing... Actually I could scream if I wanted to, but the only one who's gonna hear me is that space guy. ''sigh''...]]
33* AsLongAsItSoundsForeign: Because a foreign accent is beyond [[SelfDemonstrating/GLaDOS her]] range of hearing[[note]] [=GLaDOS=]: Look M'''eta''l Ba''ll, I CAN hear you. [[/note]].
34* TheAtoner: [[spoiler:Hopefully you don't have any hard feelings about the whole "trying to bump you off" thing. Which, to be fair, seems to be a pretty common occurrence around here.]]
35* BerserkButton: '''''I! AM NOT! A! MORON!!!!!''''' ...sorry. That's just a bit of a, you know, a sensitive subject. But I'm working on it.
36* BigBadSlippage: [[spoiler: ...I...I dunno. It seemed like a good idea at the time.]]
37* BigStupidDoodooHead: Oh-ho! You think ''She's'' got a monopoly on all the sassiness...ness? No! I've got some too! Fatty! Adopted...fatty! Fatty-fatty...no parents!
38* BoobyTrap: I know how to get around them ''and'' how to make them.
39* BookEnds: GRAB ME! GRAB ME! GRAB ME! ''GRAB ME!''
40* BondVillainStupidity: Right. In my defense? [[spoiler:I'd already ''tried'' smacking you down a bottomless pit, uh, and it didn't take!]] I suppose I ''could'' have just [[spoiler:used that Faith Plate to just launch you into another pit instead of taking you to that Part Where I Killed You, but you know, spike plates like to feel valued too! So I gave ''them'' a go. Didn't want 'em to, like, unionize on me.]]
41* BossBattle: [[spoiler: Oooh, that sounds very impressive, doesn't it?]]
42** FinalBoss: [[spoiler: Oooh, even better! More definitive and climactic sounding!]]
43* BlatantLies: They told me if I ever detached from the rail or turned on my flashlight I would die! Can you believe that? Honestly, I don't know why they gave me these things if they didn't want me to use them.
44* BrainwashedAndCrazy: [[spoiler:Yeah, you try being stuck in ''HER'' body, and see how well you hold up.]]
45* BreakoutCharacter: Here's an interesting story, you might like this! [[WhatCouldHaveBeen So, ''apparently'', I was gonna get killed off for ''real'' when we got stuck in Her chamber, back when they were doin' all the beta testing.]] BUT, all the little testers, the humans, they liked me so much that I got brought back and put in the whole thing! They liked me so much, yeah, they helped me take over the whole ''game!'' ...does that remind you of anything? 'Nah. Sure it's fine.
46* BriefAccentImitation: Funny story... I THOUGHT that speaking in a different accent would mean ''She'' wouldn't be able to hear me. Yeah, that didn't work out too well...
47* [[UsefulNotes/BritishAccents British Accent]]: Yeah, I've got one. Makes me sound pretty distinguished, doesn't it? More specifically, it's a Bristolian accent, so, you know. Distinguished. Can you believe they were going to give me a [[OopNorth Northern accent]]? Glad that worked out otherwise.
48* BuffySpeak: [[spoiler:You versus me, Holmes versus Moriarty, Aristotle versus MASHY SPIKE PLATE!]]
49* ButtMonkey: "An over-ambitious core who is eternally out of his depth." That's what the big page calls me. And you know what? I have worked here for ''years,'' and I'm still, bloody, ''persona non gratitude!'' Not a "thank you!" Not a "hiya, Wheatley, how are you" or nothing, it's just, falling off rails! Smashing in walls! Yeah. Well. They'll all see someday.
50* TheCameo: I may just happen to appear [[spoiler:floating around the skills screen]] in an official GameMod for ''VideoGame/TheElderScrollsVSkyrim''.
51** I was also in that [[VideoGame/LegoDimensions little plastic game thing,]] where I worked with, oh, nobody special, just '''Franchise/{{Batman}}'''. And...[[Film/TheLordOfTheRings that bearded guy.]] And the [[WesternAnimation/TheLegoMovie lady with the jacket.]] There were...there were a lot of important people there. You know, not bragging or anything.
52** There's also a small easter egg involving me in a game called...um...uh...[[VideoGame/TheTalosPrinciple Determined]] [[VideoGame/SeriousSam Danny?]] Is that right? Or at least, I think the people who made that game made the one I'm in.
53** Ooh! And I've done a little front-lines hacking work with a [[VideoGame/TeamFortress2 couple bands of mercenaries]]! Oh, me and that French gentleman had a whale of a time sapping gun turrets and the like.
54* CardCarryingVillain: [[spoiler:I got the cards in one hand, and the strings in the other hand, and I'm making you dance like a puppet... playing... cards.]]
55* CuteMachines: ''Of course.''
56* ContinueYourMissionDammit: I spy something that starts with the letter F. It's the floor, which is where you left me. Please pick me up. I spy something else that starts with the letter A. Also the floor. Pick me up.
57** Remember when you picked me up five seconds ago? That was amazing, do it again.
58* CowardlyLion: Oi! ''You're'' a lion! Whatever that is. Anyway, yeah, took on all sorts of things, me and the lady! Birds! Falling off my rail, when they said I was gonna die, if I did that, using my flashlight! Same thing! Going into Her chamber! And I got a bit scared, but I did it. Just saying.
59* DrunkWithPower: Aw, ''come on!'' Just because [[spoiler:I took over the facility, a-and I gave Her a leave of absence, and then all my good ideas kind of, kind of got all explode-y and She had to come back and I got really sorry afterwards, that's...that's DrunkWithPower, isn't it.]] Yeah. I am genuinely sorry, by the way.
60* EvilIsPetty: [[spoiler: I wasn't ''that'' bad, was I?]]
61* FaceHeelTurn: [[spoiler: Weeeeell...yes...]]
62* FacelessEye: Oooh, I have one of those! Well, technically my whole body is one. Guess I don't have much of a body outside of that, do I?
63* FanGirl: They won't leave me alone...
64* FantasticArousal: [[spoiler: I reaaaally like it when you complete the tests.]]
65* FantasticRacism: Don't get me started on smelly humans ... Oh, wait. That came out wrong.
66* FeigningIntelligence: Not feigning! But [[PerfectlyCromulentWord geinfing]]! See what I did there? I just ''invented'' a brand new word! Using nothing but the power of my mind. Boom.
67** Ooh, will you look at that? I'm the page image! That's what I call recognition!...[[LateToThePunchline Wait a minute]]...
68* GratuitousSpanish: ''[[Music/PinkMartini ¿Dónde estas, dónde estás, Yolanda?]]'' See what I did there? I just politely asked to take a little midday nap. ...Okay, I might not know what I'm saying in Spanish, but I can always look it up.
69* GravityMaster: Not the ''real'' me, but I hear there's a [[VideoGame/LegoDimensions tiny plastic version of me]] somewhere that has mastered anti-gravity.
70* HeelFaceDoorSlam: [[spoiler: You might not have heard (and that's understandable; I was only unplugged a few seconds before getting thrown into space), but I actually was sorry about the things I did.]]
71* HeightAngst: A whole sector full of nanobots, and who's the ''one'' fellow they pick on? That's right, the oversized ID core. I'll have you know I am ''quite'' a normal size compared to the other Cores! Thanks for the hate crime, Jerry! I'll see you in court, mate.
72* IdiotBall: That's... that's brilliant, that is. Low. Hope you're proud of yourself.
73* ImageSong: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEPZ-drnUKE Wheatley's Song]]." A bit of a collaboration between me and Music/MiracleOfSound. '''I''' did most of the work, though, you know, what with me being a genius and all. ''So don't call me a moron, you fostered balloon. My IQ's the infinite space from here to the moon.'' Hm... catchy.
74* TheImmodestOrgasm: [[spoiler: Ohhhhh, yeah... Man alive, watching one of those test subjects solve a test- that I made, by the way... It feels REALLY good. Wears off after a while, though... Could be a bit of an issue...]]
75* InnocentBlueEyes: Well, innocent blue ''eye'' anyway. Much more trustworthy than ''[[SelfDemonstrating/GLaDOS Her]]'' [[YellowEyesOfSneakiness Yellow Eye of Sneakiness,]] if you ask me. Honestly, who would trust a person with a yellow eye? You'd have to be pretty desperate, [[spoiler: dropped down into a deep mine shaft]] or something...you know...just as a hypothetical example.
76* ItsAllAboutMe: ''I'' did this. Tiny little Wheatley made this entire page. And single-handedly defeated ''her'' while you sat around.
77* LogicBomb: What, that stupid "This question is false" thing? Pfft. Easy. It's "true", obviously.
78* MotorMouth: ''Well''... technically, a motor mouth would have to be a mouth that is powered by a motor, and seeing that... wait... Oh, right, I'm all motors, aren't I? BUT... But I ''don't'' have a mouth. No mouth. Just an eye. A big blue eye... with eyelids... that move whenever I talk... like a mouth. You know what? I'm just gonna go on record saying that I'm NOT a motor mouth.. because... ugh.. yeah, I got nothing.
79** But assuming I am, indeed, a MotorMouth, it's one of those... faultier motors, know what I mean? Motor-CYCLE, perhaps. Lot of stops and starts in the old... pattern of speech. 'F that makes sense. Which it does. ''Books''.
80* MrFanservice: It's the voice, isn't it? Yeah, the ladies love the voice. Not that the rest of me isn't, you know, attractive.
81* NoodleIncident: You're never gonna believe it. After [[SelfDemonstrating/GLaDOS she]] crushed me, I was sure I was done for. Then this bird comes in ...
82* KnowNothingKnowItAll: Hey! I know plenty of stuff! ''I am not a moron''.
83* NonHumanSidekick: Sidekick? Hardly! Especially not to a human...er, not that there's anything wrong with that.
84* NotThatTheresAnythingWrongWithThat: Really, some of my best friends are adopted. And human. [[BreadEggsBreadedEggs Human and adopted.]]
85* PercussiveMaintenance: It's called "hacking." An' I can't do it while you're watching. I really can't.
86* PrettyBoy: You wouldn't think it to look at me, would you? But I can be, um, quite charming when I want to be. *seductive upper railing waggle* I'm ''especially'' dashing in the fanart.
87* PsychoSerum: [[spoiler: I don't know why I did those horrible things. As soon as I was plugged in I went mad.]]
88* PunctuatedForEmphasis: I! AM NOT! A! MORON! ...oh, sorry, I did it again.
89* RobotBuddy: Yep! Robot and a buddy. Check and check.
90* SmarterThanYouLook: Tell you what thing I ''am'' good at. ''Surprises.'' Even [[SelfDemonstrating/GLaDOS She]] had to admit it.
91->'''[=GLaDOS=]:''' [[AC:Credit where it's due. For a little idiot specifically designed to come up with stupid, unworkable plans? [[GeniusDitz That was a pretty well-laid trap.]]]]
92* TalkativeLoon: Well, you don't have to be so blunt about it...
93* TheCakeIsALie: I- I don't even know what this means. Why is it here?
94* TooDumbToFool: More like too SMART to...fool! Yes! In fact you know what I'm actually ''paradox-proof'', actually.
95* UnexplainedRecovery: Oh, you mean after ''she'' crushed me like a grape? Well, it's really very sim-- ''Ahhh! Life flashing in front of optic again!'' Sorry, that... that keeps happening every time I try to discuss it. Let's just move on, shall we?
96** Also, I gotta say, I really love those [[VideoGame/LegoDimensions new, blue portally things.]] No idea where they come from, though.
97* YankTheDogsChain: [[spoiler: It wasn't very kind of Valve to tell me I'm getting a award launched at me! Only to get actually hit in the face with said award. Not kind at all! ...I thought I was going home.]]
98
99----
100->'''SelfDemonstrating/{{Wheatley}}:''' Where do you think you are going? Come back!
101->'''Announcer:''' Stalemate Resolution Associate: Please press the ''Back'' button or any of the provided links in this page.
102->'''SelfDemonstrating/{{GLaDOS}}:''' Go press the button! Go press it!
103->'''Wheatley:''' Don't press it! We're not quite done yet. Look, look, I can make things up. Umm,...
104->'''[=GLaDOS=]:''' We're so close! Go press the button!
105->'''Wheatley:''' Do not. Press. That. Button.
106->'''[=GLaDOS=]:''' Do press it!
107->'''Wheatley:''' Don't press the button!
108
109[[SelfDemonstrating/GLaDOS Stalemate Resolution Button]]

Top