Line #42 SelfDemonstrating/DocScratch


1	[[quoteright:149:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/dae20df0_4ed5_486b_90cf_f03dee4ac103.gif]]
2	[[caption-width-right:149:Who's this douchebag?]]
3	'''[[TextParser > Be Doc Scratch]]'''
4
5	You try to be Doc Scratch from ''Webcomic/{{Homestuck}}'', but fail to be Doc Scratch. It seems no one can be Doc Scratch, except for Doc Scratch.
6
7	In fact, you might as well let me take over from here. I'm sure you wouldn't mind if I type with my signature white text. [[white:It's not like you have a choice in the matter, I was only being polite. Paradox Space already predestined this conversation, as it will every waking moment in your amusingly short life.]]
8	[[white:Let's see, now, where to begin?]]
9
10	[[white:[[GentlemanSnarker That was a joke, you see]]. An [[TheOmnipotent omnipotent]], [[TheOmniscient omniscient]], and [[SmugSuper charming individual]] such as myself always knows where to begin.]]
11
12	[[white:Ha ha. Hee hee.]]
13
14	[[white:I was born, like other First Guardians, within a [[Webcomic/{{Homestuck}} certain Alternian session of Sburb]], a [[DeadlyGame game]] in which players must work together to defeat the forces of darkness, and achieve the ultimate reward. I was created by using several special genetic codes, codes that grant me access to the powers of [[ThePowerOfTheSun The Green Sun]]. I am also made from the ghost slime of my handsome ectobiolgical father and a magical cue ball. I am not a gambling man, but I suppose some of us are just born lucky.]]
15
16	[[white:I first appeared in the comic in a conversation with one of my many pupils. No, not the kind that humans and trolls have on their faces, I would need to have [[EyelessFace eyes for that]]. [[TheBlank And a face, quite frankly]]. Ah, she was willful, that one, always trying to stay a step ahead of me, [[NotSoOmniscientAfterAll seeking the blind spots in my knowledge,]] believing she could outsmart me. Of course, that is what I allowed her to believe, anyway. The stubborn ones are always the easiest to manipulate, especially if they believe [[KansasCityShuffle they are doing the manipulating.]] These people are the ones I usually refer to as suckers. Plus, I've always had a soft spot for young ladies.]]
17
18	[[white:[[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial And no, that isn't creepy]]. I am an immortal entity with a [[StarfishAlien large cueball for a head]], and no biological means of reproduction. When you get to be my age, [[AgeisRelative everyone seems young by comparison.]]]]
19
20	[[white:It should be noted that while First Guardians are usually created to watch over their respective planets, that is not my only purpose for being. You see, I am under the employ of my master, an invincible, time-traveling demon known as Lord English. He has only one goal, and that is to enter this universe, and then consume it. His disciples and I have gone to great lengths to precipitate his arrival. Upon the event known as my death, he will enter the universe and wreak havoc across paradox space like none have ever seen before. Although, as I have said before to another of my pupils, trying to stop any of our plans is futile. My master's entry into this universe is a known quantity. His very existence in a universe guarantees its inevitable destruction. His destructive destiny is sanctioned by paradox space, a neat and orderly path that will lead to his arrival. Any attempt to change this course of action [[YouCantFightFate is impossible]].]]
21
22	[[white:He will come.]]
23
24	[[white:In fact, he is already here.]]
25
26	[[white:Now, I will proceed to give you analysis on my own character. After all, an excellent host must always be open to a new guest.]]
27
28	----
29
30	* {{Abusive Precursor\|s}}: [[white:Trolls were a peaceful race free from perpetual war, psychic genocide and ethnic cleansing. Then, they met me.]]
31	* {{Angrish}}: [[white:I slip into this from time to time when something really agitates me.]]
32	* BerserkButton: [[white:I do not ask much from my guests, but I will never, ever, permit one to desecrate one of my ornate timepieces.]]
33	* BigBad: [[white:Act 5 of ''Homestuck'' marks my sole incursion into the narrative. With a handful of conversations, I proved a larger threat than all preceding.]]
34	* TheBlank: [[white:As the Felt's "cueball", I am devoid of any facial features whatsoever.]]
35	* BrutalHonesty: [[white:The truth hurts, especially if I'm the one revealing it.]]
36	* TheChessmaster: [[white:I proudly take that title since I personify it to a T.]]
37	* CompleteImmortality: [[white:{{Subverted\|Trope}}, thanks to the Seer's plan regarding the Green Sun. Or rather, my plan.]]
38	* CompleteMonster: [[white:Such a rude and subjective term.]]
39	* TheCorrupter: [[white:I orchestrated these sessions to fail so I can make new ones with ideal players. Of course, they always fail as well.]]
40	* CrypticConversation: [[white:My conversations tend to go like this.]]
41	* DeadpanSnarker: [[white:Not always.]]
42	* DeathSeeker: [[white:My master cannot enter his target universe until I am killed. Such is the nature of the break.]]
43	* DoNotTauntCthulhu: [[white:If you're wise enough, you shouldn't attempt to cross me...ever.]]
44	* TheDragon: [[white:I am considered this due to my status as Lord English's officer.]]
45	* TheEasyWayOrTheHardWay: [[white:I would always give this option to my guests. But it's rather pointless considering that it always winds up being the hard way anyway.]]
46	* EvilMentor: [[white:I am not a good man, and frequently, my apprentices follow my footsteps eagerly.]]
47	* EvilUncle: [[white:I would prefer Ms. Lalonde think of me as one of her kindly human uncle figures.]]
48	* FauxAffablyEvil: [[white:I may be a gentleman but that doesn't mean I'm not a villain.]]
49	* {{Foreshadowing}}: [[white:I was, and always will be, a magnificent host. Haha. Hehe. Hoho.]].
50	* FourthWallObserver: [[white:I regularly have guests from beyond the fourth wall. However, I cannot tolerate any correspondence from across the ''fifth'' wall.]]
51	* FriendlyEnemy: [[white:I am always a gentleman, even to my most heinous adversaries.]]
52	* FusionDance: [[white:Unlike less charismatic Guardians, my body was created by combining seven different genetic codes instead of a mere two.]]
53	* GambitRoulette: [[white:{{Averted\|Trope}}. I have never been a gambling man. I make decisions based off omniscience, and on the rare occasions it fails, my infallible intellect.]]
54	* GigglingVillain: [[white:Ha ha. Hee hee. Hoo hoo.]]
55	* AGodIAmNot: [[white:I have power and knowledge far surpassing a god. But I am not one.]]
56	* KansasCityShuffle: [[white:Nobody seems to trust me, but they fall into my traps anyways. It's amusing, really.]]
57	* KarmaHoudini: [[white:Everything will go as I see fit, as it already has.]]
58	* LivingWeapon: [[white:I am my master's weapon. His soldier in a war of one bullet fired.]]
59	* MadeOfIron: [[white:One of the accommodations of being a First Guardian.]]
60	* ManipulativeBastard: [[white:Bastard is a rather juvenile term to describe me, but I am manipulative nonetheless.]]
61	* ManOfWealthAndTaste: [[white:You will never see me without my suit, nor will you see my home unprepared for a guest of high caliber.]]
62	* MeaningfulName: [[white:My name is rather appropriate due to me being created after the session of the previous versions of the trolls' ancestors was scratched.]]
63	* MistakenForPedophile: [[white:Ms. Lalonde has accused me of this. Her self-importance is quite adorable.]]
64	* NoBiologicalSex: [[white:I am an immortal entity with a large cue ball for a head, and no biological means of reproduction.]]
65	* NoHoldsBarredBeatdown: [[white:I hoped that Spades Slick would be taking it quite personally.]]
66	* NotSoStoic: [[white:I tend to lose my composure when something goes wrong.]]
67	* TheOmnipotent: [[white:With regards to the standard First Guardian code.]]
68	* TheOmniscient: [[white:I know of every event throughout ''Homestuck.'' A few dark spots in my omniscience do exist, but I can always make a guess to fill a void. And it case it wasn't clear, my guesses are never wrong.]]
69	* OnlyKnownByTheirNickname: [[white:The name "Doc Scratch" is merely a moniker.]]
70	* PercussiveMaintenance: [[white:I attempted this once with the narrow fenestrated wall. It was as successful as I needed it to be.]]
71	* PhysicalGod: [[white:I am not a god. The god's mortality is conditional, his knowledge is negligible, and the god's manners? I HAVE the charisma.]]
72	* RedOniBlueOni: [[white:I would consider myself a polar opposite of my master.]]
73	* RelationshipSabotage: [[white:I indulged in an auspistice between the Snowman and Spades Slick once.]]
74	* RevolversAreJustBetter: [[white:I am rather fond of them myself.]]
75	* SchizoTech: [[white:I use a typewriter to communicate across the internet. Only a [[Creator/AndrewHussie lesser omnipotent]] would use anything else.]]
76	* SharpDressedMan: [[white:I have maintained my handsome guise since birth.]]
77	* SmugSuper: [[white:I am right to be smug. I am omniscient, extremely powerful, and very charming.]]
78	* SuperStrength: [[white:I prefer not to resort to fisticuffs. If a guest gets particularly unruly, however, I will not hesitate to show them the way out.]]
79	* TechnicalPacifist: [[white:I'm a facilitator, not an assassin.]]
80	* ThanatosGambit: [[white:ThePlan was inevitable. In any case, Lord English would have been summoned anyway. He is, after all, already here.]]
81	* ThemeNaming: [[white:Like my master, my name derives from a billiards term.]]
82	* TimeAbyss: [[white:I am as old as a civilization millions of years more advanced than that of Earth, and I outlived them by one thousand three hundred twenty six years.]]
83	* VillainsNeverLie: [[white:Deception is only necessary for those lacking omniscience. I always play with my cards face up. However, I'll tell a lie or two for a good joke. After all, it's only a lie if you don't find out.]]
84	* WalkingSpoiler: [[DefiedTrope No]]. I dress in white out of preference; none of my words here will ruin your experience with ''Webcomic/{{Homestuck}}''.
85	* WickedCultured: [[white:I am always the sophisticated type, like an excellent host should be.]]
86	----
87	I wouldn't stare at your computer for [[WikiWalk for so long]]. Doing so will only serve to reduce your already dim vision.
88
89	[[Webcomic/{{Homestuck}} > Go Back]]
90

Context SelfDemonstrating / DocScratch