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1->''"Why can't you just masturbate like the rest of us!?"''
2-->-- '''Anya Jenkins'''
3
4[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/screenshot_20190219_063355_video_player.jpg]]
5[[caption-width-right:350:''"Hello there, gentle viewers."'']]
6
7Directed by Creator/MaritaGrabiak
8
9Written by Creator/JaneEspenson, Creator/RebeccaKirshner, & Creator/DrewZGreenberg
10
11Andrew imagines that he is situated in an old library with a roaring fire, dressed in a smoking jacket and holding a pipe, describing his own version of "Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs". Instead, he's taking refuge in the bathroom talking to a video camera, and his dramatic narrative is cut short when Anya knocks on the bathroom door. He tries to explain his actions, and Anya reminds him of Buffy's irritated reaction the previous night, when he had followed her on patrol. He explains his desire to make a record of the events leading up to the apocalypse, in case humans survive, so that they will know what Buffy and her allies did.
12
13Later, Andrew talks to the video camera and uses his big white board to illustrate and explain the array of evil forces in Sunnydale. He continues to interview the residents of the house, starting with the Potential Slayers. He introduces a romanticized version of everyone to the camera, a fantasy in which Buffy seductively pours cereal, Spike appears without a shirt, and Anya eats from a bunch of grapes. Buffy reiterates her irritation with Andrew's behavior. As she describes her vision of vampire armies to her friends, Andrew sneaks away to continues his narrative, describing an idyllic scene of himself as leader of the Trio. As Buffy continues to talk, Andrew observes Willow and Kennedy and recounts his encounter with Dark Willow. Altering the past, Andrew imagines himself standing up to Dark Willow and deflecting her power while Jonathan meekly hides behind him.
14
15Buffy arrives at the school to find two boys fighting, a shy girl turning invisible because nobody notices her, and various other disturbances. Buffy finds Principal Wood, who has just been injured by a thrown rock. As she bandages his head, they discuss the bizarre (yet familiar) chaos dominating the school. She explains her suspicions that the activation of the Seal of Danzalthar is behind the morning's chaos. They investigate the newly-uncovered seal in the school basement. As Robin gets close to the seal, he is infused with evil. In a demonic voice, he berates Buffy for her involvement with Spike. The connection is broken when Buffy pulls him away from the seal, leaving Robin with no memory of the possession.
16
17Meanwhile, at the Summers' home, Andrew films Dawn, then praises Xander's expert repairs to the windows (ignoring Willow and Kennedy, who are kissing in the living room). He re-interviews Xander and Anya, prying into their feelings about their ruined wedding. Afterward, the two to talk to each other about what happened and what feelings still exist between them. In the basement, Spike tells Andrew and his camera to get lost; Andrew interrupts with a lighting correction, and Spike (performing for the camera) enthusiastically repeats his verbal assault. Upstairs, Xander and Anya discuss their love for each other; they are recorded by a hidden camera, which Andrew reviews later. When Buffy and Robin arrive, they inform Andrew that he is going to help them deal with the Seal (which, at this point, is surrounded by five possessed students and glowing with light).
18
19The gang drills Andrew for information about the seal and tries to force out his memories with a special charm. He remembers an event from Mexico, where he had fled with Jonathan the year before. In his memory, he and Jonathan suddenly wake from the same nightmare, both haunted by their evil pasts. After Jonathan leaves the room, the First appears to Andrew in Warren's form, questioning his progress in obtaining the knife necessary to sacrifice Jonathan. In the present, Willow asks Andrew where that knife is now (Buffy's silverware drawer). The knife is engraved with a language that is tied to the seal, and Willow begins to research.
20
21Buffy tells Andrew that she believes that he can help her quiet the Seal. They leave for the school, accompanied by Spike and Robin. They arrive to find that the school is being destroyed by ongoing student riots. Andrew tries to film their walk through the halls, but they are attacked by several strong students. Buffy and Andrew make their way to the basement while Spike and Robin guard the stairway entrance. As they walk, Andrew tells Buffy about what happened when he killed Jonathan. In this version, however, he refuses to do the deed when goaded by the First in the form of Warren, and when Jonathan sees the knife he attacks Andrew who accidental stabs him, followed by Andrew dramatically screaming for his fallen friend. When Buffy mentions Wood's earlier possession, Andrew instantly changes his story so that he stabbed Jonathan while under the seal's thrall. They enter the basement room carefully and find five students standing around the seal, their eyes freshly cut and sealed (like Harbingers of Death). In the Summers' basement, Xander and Anya revel in the aftermath of having sex again before talking about moving on with their lives (a conversation that fades into an awkward silence).
22
23At the school, Spike and Robin are attacked by more students. Spike inadvertently confirms his role in the murder of Robin's mother, and Robin makes a failed attempt to stake Spike; in the chaos of the fight, his actions go unnoticed. Buffy battles the new Bringers while Andrew records the scene with his camera. Once she has killed the Bringers, Buffy pulls out the knife and advances on Andrew, revealing that they must spill his blood to quiet the Seal, since he was the one who initially activated it. Buffy describes the bitter prospects for their future, and chastises his constant attempts to avoid taking responsibility for his actions. Andrew, frightened to tears, admits how he willingly murdered Jonathan despite knowing deep down that he wasn't really dealing with Warren, and how he is sorry. He tells Buffy that he deserves whatever happens to him. Buffy leans Andrew over the Seal so that his tears fall on its surface. The Seal closes and becomes quiet. Buffy reveals to Andrew that tears, not blood, were necessary to close the seal; she had no plans to kill him. The students around the school are released, and the violence stops.
24
25Later, a sad Andrew talks to the camera in the bathroom again, confessing that he probably will die, and that he deserves to. He shuts the camera off.
26----
27!!Tropes Included Are:
28* AfterActionPatchUp: Buffy patching up Wood's head wound.
29* AllGuysWantCheerleaders: It turns out that everyone hates them instead.
30* AntiquatedLinguistics: Andrew's narration. Also invokes AccentUponTheWrongSyllable:
31-->'''Andrew''': Buffy - Slayer of the Vam-[=PIRE=]s.
32-->'''Andrew''': The wind was crew-ell.
33* AsideGlance: Buffy winks at the camera during the first ImagineSpot.
34* TheBigBoard: Andrew uses his whiteboard for exposition.
35* BigNo: Parodied when Andrew is trying to convince Buffy—and himself—that his murder of Jonathan was actually accidental, or he was possessed both his imagine spots end with an over-the-top BigNo.
36* BlankWhiteEyes / EvilSoundsDeep: Wood while influenced by the Seal of Danzalthar. Andrew in his fake story about killing Jonathan under the seal's influence as well.
37* BookEnds: Andrew's bathroom monologues -- the first where he's lost in his fantasy world, the last completely serious.
38%%* BrandX: The raisin bran.
39* BreatherEpisode: The last comic episode in [=BtVS=].
40* BrickJoke:
41** The piglet from "[[Recap/BuffyTheVampireSlayerS7E8Sleeper Sleeper]]" runs past Buffy and Wood while they're checking out the basement.
42--->'''Wood:''' I hope that's [[{{Animorphism}} not a student]].
43** The Cheese Man from "[[Recap/BuffyTheVampireSlayerS4E22Restless Restless]]" appears for some blink-and-you-miss-it frames in Andrew/Jonathan's dream montage.
44** The anti-cheerleader graffiti adorning the walls.
45* BuffySpeak:
46-->'''Buffy:''' It's like all the Hellmouth's energy is trying to escape in that one little spot, and it's getting all-—
47-->'''Wood:''' Focus-y.
48-->'''Buffy:''' ''Careful.'' You're starting to speak like me now.
49* CallBack:
50** To the plot from "[[Recap/BuffyTheVampireSlayerS1E11OutOfMindOutOfSight Out of Mind, Out of Sight]]": Buffy catches an unnoticed girl in the middle of turning invisible, and manages to stop it.
51** Amanda and Kennedy discuss how if they don't save the world, nothing else matters. They seem to have forgotten Series/{{Angel}}'s second part of the quote.
52* CaptainObvious: After encountering various chaos outside, Buffy enters Wood's office to find the principal holding an ice pack against his head, after having a rock thrown at him.
53-->'''Buffy:''' Something is going on today.
54-->'''Wood:''' Yes, well, um, that occurred to me as I ducked the other two rocks.
55* CasualKink: Xander and Anya have sex on Spike's bed (take that you evil bloodsucking fiend!) and complain that it's too bad Buffy took away Spike's [[KindRestraints chains]].
56* CatchTheConscience: Buffy threatens Andrew with the dagger in order to get Andrew to feel remorse for his killing of Jonathan.
57* CharacterDevelopment: This episode offers a significant bit of this for Andrew. At its start, he treats the war against the First as a low-stakes fantasy story that he's the narrator of, with Buffy (and the other long-time Scoobies) as the heroes. After he gets served a dash of his own mortality, he acknowledges that the war is deadly serious, and becomes a more active member of the group from then on, eventually becoming a Watcher.
58* CirclingMonologue: Buffy confronting Andrew in the basement.
59* ComicallyMissingThePoint: Andrew assumes Spike and Robin trading insults is a sign of BelligerentSexualTension.
60* ContinuityPorn: Thanks to the Seal, the kind of weekly crises the Scoobies faced in the first few seasons all start happening at once - e.g, a girl [[Recap/BuffyTheVampireSlayerS1E11OutOfMindOutOfSight turning invisible because no-one notices her]]. Buffy also mentions the [[Recap/BuffyTheVampireSlayerS2E20GoFish swim team monsters]] and [[Recap/BuffyTheVampireSlayerS3E20TheProm killer prom dogs]] to Robin.
61* ConversationCut:
62-->'''Andrew:''' ''[talking to Buffy in the graveyard]'' But the story needs--
63-->''[Hauled out of the bathroom by Anya]'' --to be told!
64* CreatorInJoke: When the Scoobies pressure Andrew for useful information about the Seal of Danzalthar, Andrew tries to squirm out of it by asking instead for a "cool, refreshing Zima." Buffy replies, "No Zima!" and Spike says, "Shut your face about the Zima, just talk." Creator/JaneEspenson had some years before created the name "Zima" for the adult beverage while working for a marketing firm.
65* CreditsGag: The monster of the Mutant Enemy Productions logo, instead of saying his famous "Grr, argh!", sings "We are as gooooooods!!!"
66** Andrew says "Grrr, Arghh!" at one point, so the monster and Andrew must have decided to swap lines.
67%%* ADayInTheLimelight: Andrew
68* DaydreamSurprise: TheTeaser opens with Andrew giving a Series/MasterpieceTheatre introduction -- when Anya hammers on the door he's revealed to be sitting on the toilet.
69* DistinguishedGentlemansPipe: Andrew lights up a pipe for his ''Series/MasterpieceTheatre'' introduction. [[OfCourseISmoke Then starts coughing.]]
70* DistractedByTheSexy:
71** Willow snuggles with Kennedy during Buffy's RousingSpeech.
72** Later subverted: Andrew walks in on Willow and Kennedy kissing on the sofa.
73--->'''Andrew:''' Hey, here's something I think you're going to be interested in, gentle viewers. ([[BaitAndSwitch zooms in on the window behind the sofa]]) Look at the fine work Xander did on that replacing that window sash. You can't even tell it's new, it blends in so well. He's extraordinary.
74* DocumentaryEpisode: The episode makes Andrew's pre-existing inclination to fantasizing plot-relevant ''and'' use it for hilarious deconstruction of the other regulars at the same time.
75* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything:
76** Andrew interviews Anya and Xander, and ends up acting like a marriage counsellor.
77** The first ImagineSpot looks like a TV commercial for breakfast cereal.
78** Andrew's video resembles badly written {{fanfiction}}, especially with the blatant {{shipping}}.[[invoked]]
79* DreamingOfThingsToCome: A flashback shows Andrew and Jonathan in Mexico, dreaming of events to come in Season 6. [[RealDreamsAreWeirder And for some reason the Cheeseman.]]
80* EasilyForgiven: Kennedy is back with Willow, which could just be because it's [[SweepsWeekLesbianKiss sweeps week]].
81* EyeScream: Four Sunnydale High students blind themselves to become Bringers.
82* FailedAttemptAtDrama:
83-->'''Andrew:''' ''[as TheNarrator]'' Things are tense in Command Central this morning. Buffy is clearly concerned with some unknown danger, and the air is filled with foreboding.
84-->'''Dawn:''' ''[drying dishes]'' Oh, um, we're out of raisin bran.
85* FakeVideoCameraView: Sometimes we see the red "REC" with the frame, when Andrew is recording something. Other times they show a green "PLAY" when he's reviewing video he shot earlier.
86* {{Flashback}}: Plenty -- subverted with Andrew [[UnreliableNarrator 'remembering']] his confrontation with Dark!Willow. Clips of Andrew calmly using magic to ward off her attacks replace the scenes where Anya actually does so.
87* GirlOnGirlIsHot: Subverted. Andrew brings his video camera into Buffy's living room to find Willow and Kennedy kissing on the couch. He comments that this is hot -- and turns his camera to the window repair work recently done by Xander to which he was referring.
88* GoodIsNotNice:
89** Andrew asks if Buffy would have spilled his blood if the tears didn't work. Buffy doesn't answer.
90** Buffy tells Spike not to kill the possessed students. Spike just says, "They'll live" and continues beating them up.
91* GotMeDoingIt: When Buffy fills Wood in on how Sunnydale High works in...
92-->'''Buffy:''' It's like all the hellmouth's energy is trying to escape in that one little spot, and it's getting all...
93-->'''Wood:''' Focusy?
94-->'''Buffy:''' Careful. You're starting to speak like me now.
95* GreekChorus: Andrew fills this role. However, like most tropes in the show's later days, it was pretty ruthlessly deconstructed: Andrew realized he was putting a rhetorical spin on death and suffering for the sake of his own vanity (he's talking to a camcorder throughout the episode).
96* HatePlague: Created by the Seal of Danzalthar.
97* TheHeart: Xander of course.
98-->'''Andrew:''' I'm gonna do your special intro later. "The man who is the heart of the Slayer machine."
99* HistoricalVillainUpgrade: Subverted. Andrew exaggerates his competence and spot in the pecking order when recalling his past as a "supervillain", but the scheme fantasy-Andrew and his minions outline is more pathetic than anything the Trio actually did.
100* HomoeroticSubtext: Jonathan and Andrew share the same bed in Mexico.
101** In one of Andrew's Imagine Spots, Warren is clearly reciprocating Andrew's feelings.
102* ImagineSpot:
103** Andrew starts filming Buffy -- we see his POV in a super-produced ultra-glamorous style.
104--->'''Andrew:''' (V.O.): You've already met Buffy. ''[Buffy [[SlowMotion gracefully pours]] herself a bowl of cereal, and [[HairFlip shakes her hair sexily]] in the [[HotWind breeze that comes from nowhere]], and [[AsideGlance looks directly into the camera]]]'' She's beautiful, with a lion's heart ''[Buffy winks]'' and the face of an angel. She's never afraid 'cause she knows her side will always win. ''[A [[WalkingShirtlessScene shirtless Spike enters view]], walking up to Buffy; [[HeldGaze they look as if they will kiss]], [[AlmostKiss but don't]]; instead, he touches her waist, and Buffy touches his arms as they nearly embrace]'' Buffy and Spike have some kind of history -- [[UnresolvedSexualTension you can feel the heat between them]]. [[{{Dissimile}} Although, technically, as a vampire, he's room temperature.]] ''[Anya flits sexily into view, crossing in front of Spike and Buffy, twirling and [[EroticEating eating from a bunch of grapes]], then [[AsideGlance smiling into the camera]]]'' Anya, a feisty waif with a firey temper and a vulnerable heart that she hides, even from herself. ''[camera pans over to a blonde girl eating from a bowl of cereal]'' This lovely girl...[[RedShirt I don't remember her name]]-—
105--->''[SmashCut [[MoodWhiplash to normality]]]''
106--->'''Buffy:''' Oh, for God's sake. Is he doing that again? Can't we make him stop?
107** First!Warren tells Andrew that killing his friend will lead to them [[AscendToAHigherPlaneOfExistence ascending to a higher plane]] where they'll [[AGodAmI live as gods]]. Cut to the Trio dressed in togas and playing lyres, in a field of huge flowers, butterflies, gold bars and a {{unicorn}}.
108--->'''Andrew:''' ''[singing]'' ''We are gods. Oh, we are gods. We are as gods. We are as goooods!''
109* InTheBack / ConvenientlyTimedAttackFromBehind: Wood tries to stake Spike while his back is turned, only to be tackled by a [[VillainousRescue possessed student]].
110%%* InUniverseCamera
111%%* IRejectYourReality
112* ItWasADarkAndStormyNight
113-->'''Andrew:''' It was cold last night, and the wind was [[AcCENTUponTheWrongSylLABle crew-ell]], but the Slayer had a job to do.
114%%* [[GunStruggle Knife Struggle]]: One of the alternate versions of Jonathan's death.
115* LeaningOnTheFourthWall: Loads
116* LongSpeechTeaTime: Andrew ducks out of the room when Buffy starts going into another soliloquy, noting that they can go on for some time. A few minutes later he looks to see if Buffy has finished -- she's still going on and even Willow is trying to hide a yawn.
117* MadeOfEvil
118-->'''Andrew:''' This whole thing is being orchestrated by something called 'The First'. It's made up of all the evil in the whole world.
119* MundaneMadeAwesome: Pretty much everything from Andrew's POV.
120* MundaneUtility: Andrew left the sacrificial dagger he used to kill Jonathan in with the other kitchen knives.
121* MyGodWhatHaveIDone: After spending the better part of a year internalizing and denying, Andrew finally admits and begins coming to terms with his role in Jonathan's death.
122* NotSoAboveItAll: Spike gets in Andrew's face about videotaping him. When Andrew interrupts to tell Spike the lighting is wrong, he changes position and repeats the same angry spiel.
123* NotWearingPantsDream: Wood asks Buffy how she can tell the difference between her dreams and [[DreamingOfThingsToCome her visions]].
124-->'''Buffy:''' You're running to catch the bus naked? That's a dream. Army of vicious vampire creatures? That's a vision. Also, I was awake.
125-->'''Wood:''' [[DistractedByTheSexy A bus to where?]] I mean, an army of how many?
126* OminousLatinChanting: The students turning into Bringers.
127* PhantasySpelling: Parodied: "Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs". Andrew actually pronounces "Vampyr" slightly differently to make the point, putting the stress on the second syllable rather than the first.
128* PoorlyDisguisedPilot: The episode was an experiment to see how the audience would respond to a show centered around Andrew, since the series was ending and they were trying to find a character upon whom they could build another SpinOff show. Andrew never got said spin-off, though he did appear in the final season of ''Series/{{Angel}}''.
129* RedemptionEqualsDeath: Played with in Andrew's case: when it looks like Buffy will have to sacrifice him to stop the First Evil's current plan, he starts babbling about it being his 'redemption at last'. She tells him to stop [[ThisIsReality acting like he's living in a story]], and asks him if him dying will make up for him killing Jonathan. He admits that it won't and properly owns up to his actions for the first time - which is just what Buffy needed to happen (they didn't need his blood for the ritual, but ''tears of remorse''). At the end of the episode, he concludes that while he's probably going to die in the upcoming fight, and that's probably what he deserves, it won't change anything. When he makes it to the end of the series alive, he's more surprised than anyone else.
130-->"Here's the thing. I killed my best friend. There's a big fight coming, and I don't know what's going to happen. I don't even think I'm going to live through it. That's, uh... ({{Beat}}) Probably the way it should be. I guess I'm..." ({{Beat}}) [Turns the camera off].
131* SelfServingMemory: When Andrew tries to justify killing Jonathan, we see various flashbacks which differ wildly as he changes his version of events. This prompts Buffy to point out indignantly that he has just completely changed his story from the version he told her only moments ago.
132* SeriousBusiness:
133-->'''Buffy:''' [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything Being in high school can feel like being at war]]. Now it's true. The students feel like the teachers are out to get them. The Chess Club resents the French Club for taking the Activities Room, and, well, everybody hates the cheerleaders.
134* ShipperOnDeck: Andrew happily ships Buffy/Spike, Willow/Kennedy, Anya/Xander, and Wood/Spike. Subverted in that Andrew completely misreads that last one.
135* SmashToBlack: The episode ends with Andrew turning off the camera.
136* SpecialEditionTitle: The [[VanityPlate Grargh]], instead of saying, well, "Grargh", sings "We are as gooods!".
137* TheStoryteller: Andrew tries to serve this role.
138* SuperVillain / BadassInANiceSuit: Andrew's [[SelfServingMemory fantasy version]] of his past with the Trio. Also involves {{Technobabble}} and TechnicolorScience.
139* SwissArmyTears: Andrew's tears close the Seal.
140* TearsOfRemorse: After several attempts to justify the murder of Jonathan, Andrew breaks down crying as he realizes he killed his only true friend in cold blood.
141* TemptingFate: Buffy shh's Wood because the crazy students might hear him. Wood points out that they're all the way down the corridor, only for a student to step out from behind a locker and hit him in the face with a fire extinguisher.
142* TitleDrop: "Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyrs". Andrew [[AcCENTUponTheWrongSylLABle actually pronounces "Vampyr" slightly differently]] to make the point, putting the stress on the second syllable rather than the first.
143* TrashcanBonfire: Inside a trashed Sunnydale High for no apparent reason.
144* UnreliableNarrator: Andrew repeatedly portrays himself as more badass during his flashbacks.
145* WalkingShirtlessScene: Spoofed with Andrew's fantasy scene; Spike (who'd been [[OffscreenRealityWarp fully dressed a moment before]]) walks into frame shirtless and starts held gazing with Buffy.
146* WhyDontYouJustShootHim: Averted; Wood tries to stake Spike the moment he sees an opening.
147* YourHeadAsplode: The Hellmouth is making metaphors become literal truths; this includes a student whose head literally explodes from stress, [[GoryDiscretionShot splattering against the window of Principal Wood's office]].
148----

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