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1[[foldercontrol]]
2
3[[folder:Advertising]]
4->'''Ellen:''' ''"Well, why don't you get off to a safe start by buckling your seat belt!"''\
5'''Steve:''' ''"[...] But I don't need any advice! Don't you know that it's safer to be thrown clear of the car in case of an accident?"''\
6'''Ellen:''' ''"But that's not true! It''--\
7'''ComicBook/{{Supergirl}}:''' ''"She's right, Steve! If you're thrown free of the car, do you think you're going to land on a pillow somewhere? Wrong! You'll be hitting solid ground-- and hitting it [[NotTheFallThatKillsYou very hard]]!"''
8-->-- "Advertising/AmericanHondaPresentsDCComicsSupergirl"
9[[/folder]]
10
11[[folder:Comic Books]]
12->''It's so absurdly simple! I can control this storm! All I have to do is--''
13-->-- '''[[MadScientist Mutran]]''', just before getting fried, ''Toys/{{BIONICLE}}''
14
15->'''Fone Bone:''' Those Rat Creatures [[WhoWouldBeStupidEnough would have to be pretty stupid]] to follow me onto this frail little branch [over a waterfall].\
16''[beat, as the Rat Creatures [[TemptingFate do exactly that]]]''\
17'''Fone Bone:''' STUPID, ''STUPID'' RAT CREATURES!!
18-->-- ''ComicBook/{{Bone}}''
19[[/folder]]
20
21[[folder:Fan Works]]
22->''Seriously, was this guy for real? He not only fails to properly grasp the situation, but he insults both [[BullyingADragon his princess]] and [[MuggingTheMonster a potentially dangerous creature]] in one breath. Here's a prospective candidate for the Darwin awards if ever I saw one.''
23-->-- '''[[UndeadAbomination Aeron]]''', after one of the [[RedShirt Royal Guards]] insults both [[PhysicalGod Princess Luna]] and [[PersonOfMassDestruction himself]], ''[[https://www.fimfiction.net/story/309393/11/evergreen-heart/chapter-11-phd-in-clueless Evergreen Heart]]''
24
25->''The Qartheeni managed a sad smile. "The life of Glarus Glyn Glesai is full of woe and betrayal, oh worthy khal. For example, one might think people hiring a man because of his ability to bloodily murder men in public so that an example can be made would naturally realize that the fee, no matter how high, is still lower than what they will receive by not paying it. And yet on four separate occasions in my life [[BullyingADragon one would be wrong]]."''
26-->--''Fanfic/TheKingNobodyWanted'', Chapter 78
27
28->''Tanaka wasn't ever the type to play fair. If he could screw you over to get a dollar, he’d do every time. Word is he [[MuggingTheMonster tried that on Mastermind]]. Held a gun to his head to get the plans for free. He should’ve just paid. You don’t mess with Mastermind.''
29-->-- '''Blue Dogs associate''', ''Fanfic/MastermindStrategistForHire''
30
31->''The guy was not a pushover. What were the Black Dogs thinking, pissing a guy like him off anyway? It was like they'' wanted ''to die.''
32-->-- '''Soren''', ''Fanfic/TheNightUnfurls''
33
34->''thanks for preventing me from dying via my own carelessness''
35-->-- '''[[Anime/HirogaruSkyPrettyCure Sora]]''' to Mashiro, ''Fanfic/PreCureInANutshell''
36[[/folder]]
37
38[[folder:Film -- Animated]]
39->''"You got lucky and killed a stupid one!"''
40-->-- '''[[Creator/SethRogen Frank]]''' (to Barry), ''WesternAnimation/SausageParty''
41[[/folder]]
42
43[[folder:Film — Live-Action]]
44->''I don't want another murder in this case, and you were born to be murdered.''
45-->-- '''[[DeadpanSnarker Major Calloway]]''' (to Holly Martins), ''Film/TheThirdMan''
46
47->''The Defense Department regrets to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid.''
48-->-- '''Goose''', ''Film/TopGun''
49
50->''You just went and made a new dinosaur? [[LampshadeHanging Probably not a good idea.]]''
51-->-- '''Owen''', ''Film/JurassicWorld''
52
53->''You charge us with your safekeeping, yet despite our best efforts, your countries wage wars, [[GaiasLament you toxify your earth]], [[InYourNatureToDestroyYourselves and pursue ever more imaginative means of self-destruction]]. You cannot be trusted with your own survival.''
54-->--'''VIKI''', ''Film/IRobot''
55
56->''WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, NUMBNUTS? DIDN'T MOMMY AND DADDY SHOW YOU ENOUGH ATTENTION WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD?''
57-->-- '''Gunnery Sergeant Hartman''', to the face of [[spoiler:a [[AxCrazy psychotic]], [[BullyingADragon gun-toting]] Pyle (who promptly shoots him)]], ''Film/FullMetalJacket''
58
59->''You made three mistakes. First: you took the job. Second: you came light. A four man crew for [[TheDreaded me]]? Fucking insulting! But the worst mistake you made: empty gun rack.''
60-->-- '''Richard B. Riddick''', ''Film/TheChroniclesOfRiddick''
61
62->''They are not bright. They manage to eat. But how hard is it to survive on rocks? I once saw a troll try to eat its own tail. His head between his legs, he tried to suck down his own tail. He started gagging on it, tipped over, and rolled down a hill like a wheel.''
63-->--'''Hans''' on trolls, ''Film/TheTrollHunter''
64
65->'''Ghostface:''' Do you like scary movies?\
66'''Sidney:''' What's the point? They're all the same. Some stupid killer stalking some [[MsFanservice big-breasted girl]] who [[DullSurprise can't act]] who's always running up the stairs when she should be going out the front door. It's insulting.
67-->-- ''Film/Scream1996''
68
69->'''Curt:''' We lock this place down. We go room by room, barricade every window and door. We've gotta play it safe. No matter what happens, [[NeverSplitTheParty we have to stick together]].\
70''<vents open, releasing a [[StupidityInducingAttack mind-altering chemical mist]]>''\
71'''Curt:''' This isn't right. We should [[LetsSplitUpGang split up]]. We'll cover more ground that way.\
72'''Jesse:''' Yeah. Yeah, good idea.\
73'''Marty:''' ''[[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe Really?]]''
74-->-- ''Film/TheCabinInTheWoods''
75
76->"Del, wanna know what stupid is? Stupid is taking what doesn't belong to you. Isn't that right, Wesley? That's right. Stupid is trying to sell it to people who are, by their very nature, untrustworthy. That is so right. Stupid is calling people in Kansas City who are affiliated to the rightful owners of the thing you stole and trying to sell it to them. Now, that's really stupid."
77-->-- '''Charlie''', ''Film/NurseBetty''
78
79->'''Valeria:''' Two fools who laugh at death. Do you know what horrors lie beyond that wall?
80->'''Conan:''' No.
81->'''Valeria:''' Then you go first.
82-->-- ''Film/ConanTheBarbarian1982''
83
84[[/folder]]
85
86[[folder:Literature]]
87->''Stupidity is the only natural capital crime.''
88-->-- '''Creator/RobertAHeinlein''', ''The Notebooks of Lazarus Long''
89
90->''Thoth sprang up, blood mounting darkly to his face, while his eyes flamed with the stunned fury of a man who suddenly realizes the full depths of a fool's swinish stupidity.''
91-->-- '''Creator/RobertEHoward''', "[[Franchise/ConanTheBarbarian The Phoenix On The Sword]]," as Thoth-Amon realizes that Dion has his lost RingOfPower and doesn't even know it.
92
93->''Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos was lightning, he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting "All gods are bastards".''
94-->-- '''Rincewind''' on Twoflower, ''Literature/TheColourOfMagic''
95
96->''Murder was in fact a fairly uncommon event in [[Literature/{{Discworld}} Ankh]]-[[WretchedHive Morpork]], but there were [[TheCoronerDothProtestTooMuch a lot of suicides]]. Walking in the night-time alleyways of [[WretchedHive the Shades]] was suicide. Asking for a short beer in a [[OurDwarvesAreAllTheSame dwarf]] bar was suicide. Saying '[[SiliconBasedLife Got rocks in your head]]?' to a [[AllTrollsAreDifferent troll]] was suicide. You could commit suicide very easily, if you weren't careful.''
97-->-- ''Literature/MenAtArms'', Creator/TerryPratchett
98
99->''Pages one and two had been salvaged by a Damogran Frond Crested Eagle and had already become incorporated into an extraordinary new form of nest which the eagle had invented. It was constructed largely of papier-mache and it was virtually impossible for a newly hatched baby eagle to break out of it. The Damogran Frond Crested Eagle had heard of the notion of survival of the species but wanted no truck with it.''
100-->-- ''Literature/TheHitchhikersGuideToTheGalaxy''
101
102->''I've never seen someone so prone to life-threatening idiocy!''
103-->-- '''Alice Cullen''' to '''Bella Swan''', ''Literature/NewMoon''
104
105->'''Moiraine:''' DO NOT go out into Shadar Logoth, or touch anything!\
106'''Mat:''' Let's go out into Shadar Logoth and touch things!\
107'''Rand''' and '''Perrin:''' Good idea.
108-->-- ''Literature/TheWheelOfTime'' [[http://www.dragonmount.com/forums/topic/77089-the-wheel-of-time-summaries-by-isam-spoilers-till-book-cot/ mock summary]]
109
110->''"That probably wasn't the smartest thing you've ever done. Points for style, I guess. Points off for being too stupid to live."''
111-->-- '''Kevin Price''', ''Literature/InCryptid: Pocket Apocalypse''
112[[/folder]]
113
114[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
115->''Hey, the cop never said anything about doing intensely stupid things!''
116-->--'''Tom Servo''', ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000'', "Last Clear Chance", right before the characters get hit by a train.
117
118->''Please do not use this electrical appliance while you're in the bath. Actually, you know what? Go on. If you're that dumb, I think we can afford to lose ya!''
119-->-- '''Ed Byrne''' on ''Series/MockTheWeek'' ([[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JURo7tQwwEs Series 10, Episode 11]])
120
121->''People that stupid deserve to be [[SayingSoundEffectsOutLoud kerpowed, zapped and kersplatted]] in their beds!''
122-->--'''Lister''', ''Series/RedDwarf'', [[Recap/RedDwarfSeasonVTheInquisitor "The Inquisitor"]]
123
124->''I clean my knives in a crossbow. Some people say it's foolish… I put them in the hoover and set it on blow and just shoot water at them around the kitchen, as I sit with a plug — bare-wired… at my feet… '''PEEING ON IT!''' All to get a better clean.''
125-->-- '''Phil Jupitus''' on ''Series/{{QI}}'' after hearing about the [[EpicFail fatal accidents involving dishwasher users impaling themselves on the cutlery basket]] because they put all the knives in pointing up — all to get a better clean.
126
127->''I think I might've [[JugglingLoadedGuns shot myself]] a bit.''
128-->-- '''Sgt. Penhale''', ''Series/DocMartin''
129
130->'''Doggett:''' I think I just solved this case. This kid had crap for brains and the flies couldn't resist.\
131'''Reyes:''' Oh, and ''you'' were such a choirboy growing up?\
132'''Doggett:''' I mean, we did some stupid stuff, but we didn't know it was stupid at the time. This isn't just stupid, this is '''glorification''' of stupid. [[YouthIsWastedOnTheDumb These kids take enormous pride in being sub-mental.]]
133-->--''Series/TheXFiles'', "Lord of the Flies"
134
135->''I suppose from a creative standpoint, some characters deserve to die. Ones that lack common sense or even basic survival instinct.''
136-->-- '''Abed''', ''Series/{{Community}}''
137
138->''[[YouthIsWastedOnTheDumb For young man, read young idiot.]] Look, anyone stupid enough to let some mustachio'd dago say, "Excuse me, meester" and then [[TapOnTheHead hit them over the head]], deserves everything coming to them.''
139-->-- '''Edmund Blackadder''', ''Series/{{Blackadder}}''
140
141->''"Good Lord! I wonder if it was the wine? (takes a sip) Nope, seems perfectly alright to me. And now, at last, I shall be King of [[KilledMidSentence E-]]"''
142-->-- '''Edmund Blackadder''', ''Series/{{Blackadder}}''
143
144->''[[AntagonistInMourning Poor Ned Stark.]] Brave man, ''[[HonorBeforeReason terrible]]'' judgement.''
145-->--'''Jaime Lannister''' on the choices of his ArchEnemy on ''Series/GameOfThrones''
146
147->''But… they have the preservation instinct of'' a herd of lemmings!
148-->-- '''Hippolyte Kurtzmann''', ''Series/FlandersCompany'', "Bad Taste"
149
150->''"The fire was stupid. Putting Vila on guard duty was suicidal. What's the matter? Staying alive become too complicated for you?"''
151-->-- '''Avon''', ''Series/BlakesSeven''
152
153->''"Yo, you should listen to me! I came up with hundreds of plans in my life and only one of them got me killed."''
154-->-- '''Jason''', ''Series/TheGoodPlace''
155
156->''"I'm just a dope who died in a safe with a snorkel… [{{Beat}}] Who's only now realizing why that didn't work!"''
157-->-- '''Jason''', ''Series/TheGoodPlace''
158
159->'''Creator/ChrisRock:''' You know, you probably won't get your ass kicked if you just use common sense. If you jump a subway turnstile, you might just get off with a warning from the police; but, if you jump a turnstile carrying a loaded gun and smoking a joint, then, maybe, you need your ass kicked.\
160''(cut to man getting beat up by police)''
161-->-- ''Series/TheChrisRockShow'', "How To Not Get Your Ass Kicked By The Police"
162
163->'''Frank Castle:''' I didn’t murder anybody, Sheriff.
164->'''Sheriff Hardin:''' You telling me you didn’t do it?
165->'''Frank Castle:''' [[MuggingTheMonster They died from terminal stupidity.]]
166-->-- ''Series/ThePunisher2017'', "Fight or Flight"
167
168->'''Charlie:''' You used me! You used me like you used Frank. And I knew it was only a matter of time before you tried to poison me too. So that's why that shot I took wasn't vodka. It was bleach!\
169'''Dee:''' What?\
170'''Charlie:''' The universal poison antidote.\
171'''Dee:''' No it's not.\
172'''Charlie:''' It's not?\
173'''Dee:''' If anything, you've ingested ''more'' poison.\
174'''Charlie:''' No, you put bleach on poison, it cancels it out. Pretty sure.\
175'''Dee:''' No, it makes the poison more poisony.\
176'''Charlie:''' No the two things cancel-No you're right, here comes the cherries.\
177''[[[VomitIndiscretionShot Charlie vomits cherry juice all over Dee's dress]]]''
178-->-- ''Series/ItsAlwaysSunnyInPhiladelphia'', ''[[NoirEpisode The Janitor Always Mops Twice]]''
179
180->'''Patient:''' A couple weeks ago. I didn’t want to get pregnant. Jake’s not into rubbers so I got on the jelly. You think I’m allergic or something?\
181'''Dr. House:''' You have an infection. Gonna need a sample. ''[starts to take a swab from her vagina]''\
182'''Patient:''' I brought the jar. ''[reaching into her bag to take it out]''\
183'''Dr. House:''' No, I meant a sample of your— ''[looks up to see a jar of strawberry jelly]'' ...Okay. [[ExpospeakGag We have a neurological problem here.]]\
184'''Patient:''' There's something wrong with my brain...?\
185'''Dr. House:''' [{{Beat}}] [[{{Understatement}} Oh, yeah]].
186-->-- ''{{Series/House}}'', "Deception"
187
188[[/folder]]
189
190[[folder:Music]]
191->''You're dumb, the song, now die\
192You're dead, because, you're dumb\
193Oh wait, you're still, alive\
194You're still, no dumb, the less''
195-->-- '''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXVXyZi-fN0 The Dumb Song]]''', ''Music/{{Psychostick}}''
196
197->''I light my filter, then reverse it\
198And burn a mouth [[TheUnintelligible that's weak on verbs]]\
199And nouns and nouns\
200But I'm not sore\
201Everybody's stupid, that's for sure''
202-->--"Everybody's Stupid", '''{{Music/Sparks}}'''
203
204->''Why do lovers park down deserted lanes\
205Near haunted houses or homes for the insane\
206Like the deformed son who was locked in a shed\
207Later escaped when he chopped off their heads\
208Why do axe murderers only attack\
209When you're partially nude\
210Or you're taking a bath''
211-->-- "Axe Murdered", ''Music/CamperVanBeethoven''
212
213->''Well, man was never built with wings, but still you built that stupid thing\
214Out of rubber bands and strings — paraded it around!\
215People said it wouldn't fly, they warned you, "Man, you're gonna die!"\
216But still you said you had to try, and crashed it in the ground!''
217-->-- "Farewell My Old Friend," ''Music/TheCogIsDead''
218[[/folder]]
219
220[[folder:Podcasts]]
221->[[TheScrappy Jar-Jar's]] like, 'Oh, come back to the city that has, like, [[WantedPoster a police warrant out for me for execution]].' Uhh, Jar-Jar's not the smartest creature in the galaxy, is he?\
222He brings Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan before Boss Nass, but he gets arrested and they say it's time to get executed. If it wasn't for Qui-Gon saying, 'This animal has a life debt with me, I should take him with me.' — you know, if Qui-Gon just ''didn't'' do that — they've would've executed Jar-Jar. So, really, Jar-Jar would probably be more motivated to '''not''' take them there… 'I can take you to the Naboo City, just follow me! Let's, uh, let's go ''this'' way; The way that's the ''farthest possible'' away from the Gungan City. Let's go that way.'\
223I thought I had Jar-Jar figured out. I thought he was, like, [[DamnedByFaintPraise the tightest, best character in the film]]. But I guess not.
224-->-- '''[[WebVideo/RedLetterMedia Mr. Plinkett]]''' riffs ''Film/ThePhantomMenace''
225[[/folder]]
226
227[[folder:Public Service Announcements]]
228->This man was safe… ''until now''. He hasn't bothered to get the plug changed. From now on, he's in deadly danger. If the earth wire slips out, he won't notice, [[HighVoltageDeath but as soon as it touches the]] ''[[HighVoltageDeath live wire]]''…
229-->-- The '''narrator''' of [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8zt50lz-NVQ a 70s electricity safety PIF featuring an idiot]] [[DoomItYourself using three matches as a makeshift plug for a drill]].
230[[/folder]]
231
232[[folder:Stand-Up Comedy]]
233->Those kids in horror movies are so easy to kill, you could strangle them with a cordless phone y'know what I'm sayin? I mean, you see how they just run right into danger, these idiots, they run right into death. They're look'n for death.
234-->-- '''Pablo Francisco''', [[http://comedians.jokes.com/pablo-francisco/videos/pablo-francisco---previews-voice this video]]
235
236->All the victims in these films have had their common sense glands removed.
237-->-- '''Creator/EddieIzzard''' [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4yrL6rc6bU on]] Horror Movies
238
239->Some animals are ''really'' stupid. Like the crab. What a- what a '''''moron!''''' He has [[PowerPincers two big scissors]] held out in front of him, and then he walks ''sideways'' like an idiot! That's why we eat their legs, we keep pulling them off from the side!
240-->-- '''Jeremy Hotz'''
241[[/folder]]
242
243[[folder:Tabletop Game]]
244->''"That's right, I'm the best shot in the platoon. I could shoot the pipe from an officer's mouth at 300 meters. Don't believe me?"''
245-->-- '''[[TabletopGame/OnlyWar Guardsman Varrant]]''', six minutes before [[IJustShotMarvinInTheFace his execution]]
246[[/folder]]
247
248[[folder:Video Games]]
249->''"I shouldn't have hired those sellswords in the first place. Perhaps there's no need. This place is just a tomb, after all, and there are no obvious signs of habitation. [[GenreBlind It isn't as though the thousand-year dead will mind if I have a look around.]]"''
250-->-- '''Heddic's Volunruud Notes''', found next to his corpse, ''VideoGame/TheElderScrollsVSkyrim''
251
252->[[AC:Remember how I said he was specifically built to make bad decisions? Because I think he's decided not to maintain ''any'' of the crucial functions that keep this facility from exploding!]]
253-->-- '''[=GLaDOS=]''', about [[spoiler:Wheatley]], ''Videogame/Portal2''
254
255->Duuuh. You died because you were dumb.
256-->-- [[HaveANiceDeath Death message]], ''VideoGame/SpaceQuestVTheNextMutation''
257
258->'''Robin Hood:''' (Hiding below monks) [[WithCatlikeTread Excuse me, could you lend me a hand? You see, I'm nearly safe,]] [[LampshadeHanging but I thought I'd do something truly foolish instead and get myself killed.]]\
259'''Evil Monk:''' Brother, quickly, bring some rocks! There's an intruder below!
260-->-- ''VideoGame/ConquestsOfTheLongbow''
261
262->'''Will:''' So there Robin was, disguised, puzzle box in hand, surrounded by enemies and what did he do?\
263'''Alan:''' [[PressXToDie Pulled the bell rope in the Abbott's room.]]\
264'''Much:''' [[WhatTheHellPlayer Whatever could've possessed him?]]\
265'''Tuck:''' There are people who simply do what shouldn't be done.\
266'''Alan:''' Well, let that be a lesson to them.
267-->--''VideoGame/ConquestsOfTheLongbow''
268
269->Geez, sorry you guys! There's no cure for stupidity!
270-->-- '''Iori Yagami'''’s victory quote, ''[[VideoGame/TheKingOfFighters The King Of Fighters '96]]''
271
272->Anyone who fights us is either stupid or on [[BigBad Saren's]] payroll. Killing the latter is business. Killing the former is a favor to the universe.
273-->-- '''Urdnot Wrex''', ''VideoGame/MassEffect1''
274
275->'''Mach:''' Hang on, I'm getting a strange energy reading.\
276'''Ops:''' '''Do not touch the artifact! Direct orders from Dostya!'''\
277'''Mach:''' It'll just take a second.
278-->-- ''VideoGame/SupremeCommander''
279
280->"Do not play ''Pokémon GO'' while driving." \
281"Do not trespass while playing ''Pokémon GO''." \
282"Do not enter dangerous areas while playing ''Pokémon GO''."
283-->-- '''Startup messages''' in ''VideoGame/PokemonGO''[[note]]And, yes, they ''are'' necessary — some people are [[FailedASpotCheck that oblivious]].[[/note]]
284
285->It is brave to swim in a storm. But to sunbathe on a beach with [[RuthlessModernPirates pirates]]? Insanity.
286-->-- '''Dennis Rogers''', tending to '''Jason Brody''', ''VideoGame/FarCry3''
287
288->You dumb idiot.
289-->-- '''Franklin Clinton''' after witnessing [[spoiler:Dom skydive from a dam with no parachute]] in ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoV''
290
291->'''Pearl:''' My strategy for this stage is: [[LeeroyJenkins rush to the stage and look freshhhhh…]]\
292'''Marina:''' [[LampshadeHanging I need to find new teammates…]]
293-->--''VideoGame/Splatoon2'', Starfish Mainstage discussion
294
295->'''Pearl:''' Whenever we play here, I always get cooked right away by some random chump.\
296'''Marina:''' [[CallBack That's because your strategy is to rush to the mic and look fresh…]]
297-->--''VideoGame/Splatoon2'', another Starfish Mainstage discussion
298
299-> ''I'm sorry. He's just too stupid to live.''
300-->-- '''Q''', ''VideoGame/StarTrekBorg'', if you [[TheManyDeathsOfYou choose the wrong power module]]
301
302-> ''This one's free.'' '''Don't do it.'''
303-->-- '''Q''', ''VideoGame/StarTrekBorg'', if you attempt to [[WhatTheHellPlayer link the Borg circuit to the ship's computer]]
304
305-> ''Are you really trying [[ImpossibleTask to paint the entire ocean with your hammer]]? How are you still alive?!''
306-> ''[if Mario keeps attempting to paint the ocean] Perhaps I didn't make myself clear earlier…'' '''KNOCK IT OFF!'''
307-->-- '''Huey''', ''VideoGame/PaperMarioColorSplash''
308
309-> ''"I've been under orders from the Guild to train up some youngsters. I thought it was high time they take on a Yian [[WarmupBoss Kut-Ku]], so I put out the request and what do I find? They went for a [[FeatheredFiend Yian]] ''[[FeatheredFiend Garuga]]'' instead. They're idiots, but I can't leave 'em be. Help out, eh?"''
310-->-- '''The description for the "Wrong Bird, Idiots" quest''', ''VideoGame/MonsterHunter Generations Ultimate''
311
312-> ''Our Beloved Captain was, as the zailors say, a Person who did not merely [[TemptingFate Court Disaster]]. Our Beloved Captain made eyes at Disaster. Needed to be Chaperoned around Disaster. Took Disaster to the Altar and Married It.''
313-->-- '''Unnamed Zailor''', ''VideoGame/FallenLondon'', when every last thing that could go wrong during an oceanic voyage goes wrong
314
315->'''PlayerCharacter:''' I'm skipping [the ship] myself.\
316'''ADA:''' I wouldn't advise that, captain.\
317'''Player Character:''' [[IdiotHero [Dumb[=]=]]] [[SuicidalOverconfidence Stand back, ADA. I know numbers real good.]]\
318'''ADA:''' Well, I literally *can't* dispute that. Please would the daily ship log note that I defer to the captain, against my better judgment. I am programmed not to ignore an order, after all.\
319'''HOPE:''' ADA, does your captain seriously intend to do a micro jump in-system with engines that haven't been powered in seventy years? On a derelict ship?\
320'''ADA:''' [[BluntYes That is what my captain intends, yes.]]\
321'''HOPE:''' [[{{Understatement}} But that is a gross misuse of the skip drive.]] The Zero Point Drives corp and I will not be held responsible for any damage incurred during transport…[[ThisIsGonnaSuck and this will cause extreme damage.]]\
322'''ADA:''' Yes, I am aware of that.\
323'''HOPE:''' [[MyGodYouAreSerious You should not be doing this. The humans will die. These calculations don't look right.]] [[EpicFail Why is this number negative?]]\
324'''ADA:''' Thank you, HOPE. It looks like all systems are a go. Captain, I would advise you to hold onto something — now.
325-->-- ''VideoGame/TheOuterWorlds'', [[NonStandardGameOver if a low-intelligence player insists on doing a manual skip jump]]
326
327->''Way to go, Sherlock, you just invented the trash compactor!''
328-->-- ''VideoGame/LauraBow'' if you deliberately stand underneath an elevator.
329
330->''Caution: the Surgeon General has determined that you've gotten EXACTLY what you deserved.''
331-->-- ''VideoGame/FreddyPharkasFrontierPharmacist'' if you ingest something obviously inedible.
332[[/folder]]
333
334[[folder:Web Animation]]
335->'''Tim:''' Letterbot 5000?! We looked everywhere for you!\
336''[Short {{beat}} before Letterbot 5000 abruptly screams]''\
337'''Letterbot 5000:''' ''[Distorted voice]'' H-hello, Tim! Care to j-join me?\
338'''Tim:''' Join you...standing eerily still over there in suspiciously low resolution?\
339'''Letterbot 5000:''' ...[[BluntYes Yessss?]]\
340''[{{Beat}} as Tim thinks]''\
341'''Tim:''' ...[[BaitAndSwitchComment Alright.]]\
342''[Tim walks over to Letterbot 5000.]''\
343''[A giant robotic claw silently descends from the ceiling behind Tim. Letterbot 5000 snaps his fingers and it impales Tim through the chest and drags him screaming into a hole in the ceiling.]''
344-->-- ''WebAnimation/MurderDrones'', "[[Recap/MurderDronesHeartbeat Heartbeat]]"
345
346->"In this area of Austria-Hungary (Sarajevo) lived some Serbs and Bosnians who hated living in Austria-Hungary. So the Austro-Hungarian Archduke Franz Ferdinand goes there for a nice drive in an open-top car, with his car's route published in advance.\
347''[Newspaper shown: "7 Essential Tips For Assassinating World Leaders! You won't believe number 3!"]''\
348And that went just as well as you'd expect."
349-->-- ''UsefulNotes/WorldWarI - WebAnimation/{{Oversimplified}}''
350
351->'''Sonic.EXE:''' Way to waste everyone's time [with a meeting], dude.\
352'''Red Crewmate:''' B-but you just ''killed someone!''\
353'''Sonic.EXE:''' Yeah. [[BrutalHonesty And I'll probably do it again.]] Your point?\
354'''Red Crewmate:''' Uh, ''guys?'' ''Eject him!?''\
355'''Green Crewmate:''' [[LawfulStupid He's not an Imposter, though.]] Unless… you're not just ''regular'' Sonic, are you?\
356'''Sonic.EXE:''' [[TranquilFury Just for that, I'm killing you next.]]\
357'''Green Crewmate:''' Nope, he's real. Meeting over!
358-->-- ''[[https://youtube.com/shorts/6mtT1sE8pGo "Sonic.EXE Meets Imposter"]]'' by '''[=MugiMikey=]''' and '''Music/RecD'''
359
360[[/folder]]
361
362[[folder:Webcomics]]
363->'''Thief:''' Okay, Fighter, tie this rope to something sturdy so we can climb across-\
364'''Fighter:''' [off-panel] Done!\
365'''Black Mage:''' Why is the rope on fire?\
366'''Fighter:''' I tied it to the lava! Y'know, so we could find it when we're done here.
367-->-- ''[[Webcomic/EightBitTheater 8-Bit Theater]]''
368
369->'''Zeke:''' The average human lifespan is seventy years.\
370'''Embla:''' I see.\
371'''Zeke:''' Heh. Except Ethan. If you run the data, his life expectancy comes out to ''negative'' forty years.
372-->-- '''Webcomic/CtrlAltDel'''
373
374->'''Ray:''' Why would I be nervous?\
375'''Lindesfarne:''' Because… I'm an insectivore.\
376'''Ray:''' What's an insectivore?\
377'''Lindesfarne:''' (whispers to Tammy) [[LampshadeHanging Not too big on self-preservation, is he?]]\
378'''Ray:''' What's self-preservation?
379-->-- '''Lindesfarne''' (a hedgehog) and '''[[TheDitz Ray]]''' (a firefly) in ''WebComic/KevinAndKell''
380[[/folder]]
381
382[[folder:Web Original]]
383-> '''DefeatEqualsExplosion. Punch it anyway.'''
384-->-- ''[[https://www.reddit.com/r/Xcom/comments/ltt4do/bruh_guide_sectopod2015/ Sectopod Bruh Guide]]'', referring to ''VideoGame/XCOMEnemyUnknown''
385
386->So, again, the lesson to be learned here is to not put your hand anywhere near a piece of machinery that’s got [[{{Fingore}} razor sharp blades on it]]. And yes, this is coming from a trick who once almost lost his good fappin’ hand while doing the YMCA dance under a living room ceiling fan.
387-->-- '''[[http://dlisted.com/2015/05/31/lesson-of-the-day-dont-grab-a-flying-drone/ Michael K.]]''', "Lesson Of The Day: Don’t Grab A Flying Drone"
388
389->Drive anywhere at about 8 p.m. at night, and there's always at least ONE dude on the highway who is holding out on putting the headlights on. He's [[SkewedPriorities really determined to stay incognito.]]
390-->-- '''[[http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/tcu-got-screwed-and-thats-the-point-1668812802 Drew Magary]]'''
391
392->This is [[https://www.drugs.com/illicit/krokodil.html the Russian bathtub heroin that eats your flesh.]] And it's a telling sign of our collective lunacy that officials can predict that a FLESH-EATING DRUG will spread across America even though we all know it eats flesh, and then that prediction comes to pass. Personally, I am terrified of all [[BodyHorror flesh-eating substances]]: acids, bacteria, lions, etc. I instinctively stay away from them. But that warning [[SchmuckBait apparently wasn't enough]] to keep away our most desperate, meth-addled citizens. "Well, if it eats my flesh but people still do it, it must be '''''AMAZING.'''''" ''Side note: [[YouDoNotWantToKnow Do NOT look up images of people who have had their flesh eaten by Krokodil.]] [[{{Squick}} You will be unhappy.]]''
393-->--'''''[[http://www.gq.com/blogs/the-feed/2013/10/make-it-stop-the-worst-of-the-week-of-101013.html GQ]]''''', ''Make It Stop''
394
395->When Dwinell was tested, doctors did indeed find a burn in the center of his retinas. The finding apparently made Dwinell disheartened and discouraged, and he even apparently stopped sungazing for a while, but he eventually picked it up again because he is rather [[InsaneTrollLogic seriously insane.]]
396-->-- ''[[http://americanloons.blogspot.com/2013/07/641-mason-howe-dwinell.html Encyclopedia of American Loons]]'' on Mason Howe Dwinell
397
398->'''[[Series/BarneyandFriends Barney the Dinosaur:]]''' Friends, be careful around household chemicals! Many—\
399'''Boy:''' HOUSEHOLD CHEMICALS?! What's that?\
400'''Barney:''' Why, that can mean anything from bleach to drain cleaner! Now—\
401'''Boy:''' DRAIN CLEANER?! [[ConstantlyCurious What's that?]]\
402'''Barney:''' It's sort of [[ShapedLikeItself in the name, genius]]. The point is, a lot of these are poisonous, and—\
403'''Boy:''' POISONOUS?! What's that?\
404'''Barney:''' You know what, kid? Ice cream. ''Poisonous'' means ice cream.\
405'''Boy:''' YAY!!!
406-->-- '''{{Creator/Seanbaby}}''', [[http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-great-occupations-for-horribly-stupid-people/ "7 Great Occupations For Horribly Stupid People"]]
407
408->Harry is such a chump he somehow manages to fall into a small pool of mercury – if I were Tom I would have headed back to the ship and confirmed his death while I had the chance…his own suit is compromised to keep trying to save his idiotic friend. Let them both die, the show won't lose anything.
409-->--'''[[http://docohobigfinish.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/voyager-season-four.html Joe Ford]]''' on ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'', "Demon"
410
411->'''Things I Learned From This Game''':\
412''Some people are just too fucking stupid to live.''
413-->-- [[http://web.archive.org/web/20080212094700/http://atrocities.primaryerror.net/rahowasucks.html This review]] of ''TabletopGame/RacialHolyWar''.
414
415->"Some behaviour does not merely [[KickTheDog show bad character]]. It displays a level of stupidity so alarming as to render the bad character secondary. It raises a serious question as to whether emergency personnel should be rushed to the scene to equip the subject with a ventilator in case he forgets to breathe."
416-->-- WordOfGod on ''Fanfic/HarryPotterAndTheNotFatalAtAllCulturalExchangeProgram''
417
418->'''Lelouch:''' I need your help, can you come here?\
419'''Suzaku:''' Well, I can't. I'm buying clothes.\
420'''Lelouch:''' Alright, well hurry up and come over here.\
421'''Suzaku:''' I can't find them.\
422'''Lelouch:''' What do you mean, you can't find them?\
423'''Suzaku:''' I can't find them, there's only soup.\
424'''Lelouch:''' What do you mean there's "ONLY soup"?\
425'''Suzaku:''' It means there's ONLY SOUP!\
426'''Lelouch:''' WELL THEN, GET OUT OF THE SOUP AISLE!!!\
427'''Suzaku:''' ALRIGHT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOUT AT ME! ''(Suzaku walks into the next aisle)'' There's more soup.\
428'''Lelouch:''' WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S "MORE SOUP"?!?!\
429'''Suzaku:''' IT'S JUST MORE SOUP!!\
430'''Lelouch:''' GO INTO THE NEXT AISLE!!\
431'''Suzaku:''' ''(Suzaku goes into the next aisle)'' THERE'S STILL SOUP!\
432'''Lelouch:''' WHERE ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?!?!?\
433'''Suzaku:''' I'M AT SOUP!\
434'''Lelouch:''' WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE "AT SOUP"?!?!?!\
435'''Suzaku:''' I MEAN, I'M AT SOUP!!!\
436'''Lelouch:''' WHAT STORE ARE YOU IN?!?!?\
437'''Suzaku:''' I'M AT THE ''SOUP'' STORE!!!\
438'''Lelouch:''' '''WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE?!?!?!?'''\
439'''Suzaku:''' FUCK YOU!!!!!
440-->-- ''WebVideo/CodeMent''
441
442->You are fired from ''breathing''! Please, pack up your desk, and kindly leave '''life'''.
443-->-- '''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic'''
444
445->Food $200 \
446Data $150 \
447Rent $800 \
448[[SkewedPriorities Candles $3,600]] \
449Utility $150 \
450someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying
451-->-- '''[[https://twitter.com/dril/status/384408932061417472 @dril]]'''
452
453->'''Lisa:''' Do those veins of energy showing like you’re a cracked vase look healthy to you?! You’re gonna die if you Keep this up! [...] Stop being stubborn and listen to me if you wanna live! \
454'''Lance:''' NEVER! MY FAITH WILL PROTECT ME! \
455'''Lisa:''' You know what? I don’t care anymore. If you’re that hungry for death then why should I stop you? You’re such a ''terrific dumbass!''
456-->--''Creator Goddess Lisa Strife'', [[https://www.wattpad.com/692821624-creator-goddess-lisa-strife-book-00-welcome-to/page/3 chapter 6]]
457
458-> ''Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.''
459-->-- ''An Internet quote''
460
461->''Vels, Ranma, you licked the fucking doorknob. You knew it was poison, I had SAID it was poison, I had SPECIFICALLY TOLD you "yeah I poisoned it, Kai's alive though, I owe him blood money for damages" and you went and LICKED THE DOORKNOB COVERED IN INTERNATIONAL TERRORIST SAUCE.''
462-->--'''Kellensea Harthdareiter''', ''Roleplay/TheMurderFreeHotel'' (in reference to events in ''Roleplay/MurderU Too'')
463
464->'''[[Literature/CharlieAndTheChocolateFactory Willy Wonka]]:''' And this is my newest invention the child smasher 9000. It instantly smashes any child that gets near it so please be very careful!! \
465'''Spoiled rich kid:''' Holy shit I’m going to be the first ever kid to step directly into the child smasher 9000
466-->-- [[https://twitter.com/WendySnowRadish/status/1637123074091896844 @WendySnowRadish]]
467
468->After using MMS, some users may see appearances of "worm-like" objects in their feces and may believe these are actual parasites (sometimes described using the pseudoscientific term "rope worms"). These "worms" are, of course, misidentified as causing the autism symptoms or other ills that they want to treat, and the users may see the "worms" as a sign that the MMS is working. In reality, the "worms" actually are shedded gut lining that has been destroyed by the chlorine dioxide bleach, and they are a sign that you really should stop drinking toxic shit that is ripping your intestines apart.
469-->-- ''Rational Wiki'' on people who take [[https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Miracle_Mineral_Supplement Miracle Mineral Supplement]] (a.k.a. bleach)
470[[/folder]]
471
472[[folder:Web Video]]
473->"YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT HAVING SEX ''[[SkewedPriorities NOW]]''?!! Okay, you know what? You all need to die! Not because of [[KickTheDog what you did to Marty]], mind you, but because the law of natural selection ''[[SexSignalsDeath demands it]]''!"
474-->--'''[[WebVideo/BrandonsCultMovieReviews Brandon]]''' regarding the characters in ''Film/SlaughterHigh''.
475
476-> A ''ZombieApocalypse''?! You think ''that'''s the way to leave the world's infrastructure and resources intact?! [[BigBad Isaac]]! You should [[BackFromTheDead have stayed dead]]! You were [[LampshadeHanging too dumb to live]]!
477-->--'''WebVideo/{{Phelous}}''' aftering hearing Dr. Isaac's motivation in ''Film/ResidentEvilTheFinalChapter''
478
479->Okay guys it looks like you have everything you need so I'm gonna go to bed now! Alone! Naked! And with the door unlocked! Bye!
480-->-- '''Misa Amane''', ''WebVideo/DeathNoteTheAbridgedSeriesKpts4tv''
481
482->'''Link:''' Ah! Fire! My flame-proof suit isn't working!\
483'''Navi:''' That's not a fireproof suit, you just painted your regular suit red!\
484'''Link:''' But… isn't that how fireproof suits work? You know, by camouflaging me from the flames?\
485'''Navi:''' How you've managed to survive this long is a mystery to me.
486-->-- ''[[VideoGame/TheLegendOfZeldaOcarinaOfTime Ocarina of Time]]: TheAbridgedSeries'', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywoScf2vYU0 Episode 12]]
487
488-> '''Sonic:''' Cool, it's raining fire!\
489'''Players:''' Cool! Cool! I'm gonna die!
490-->-- LetsPlay ''LetsPlay/SonicTheHedgehog2006'' by pokecapn, Medibot, Kung-Fu Jesus, [=IlluminatusVespucci=], and John Condit
491
492->Front door, closet… front door, closet… closet.
493-->-- '''WebVideo/TheAngryVideoGameNerd''', ''VideoGame/ANightmareOnElmStreetNES'' parody video.
494
495->Vin has a terminal disease and a massive life insurance policy, that's all I can figure.
496-->--'''Website/{{SFDebris}}''' on ''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'', "Past Tense Pt. 2"
497
498->So, they decide to play Blind Man's Bluff, where they turn out all the lights, drink a lot of beer, and roam around the house; a.k.a the easiest setup for a slasher film ever. The only way they could make this easier for the killer is if they killed ''themselves.''
499-->-- '''WebVideo/TheCinemaSnob''', ''Film/TheMutilator'' (1985)
500
501->"It's always funny at the beginning of the ''{{Franchise/Terminator}}'' films to see his [[{{Redshirt}} first victims]] [[MuggingTheMonster underestimate him or misunderstand what he is]]."\
502"Yeah, Creator/BillPaxton and his boys are mouthin' off, so they basically are asking for it. Who's that comfortable around [[UnusuallyUninterestingSight a giant naked man]] in the first place?"
503-->-- '''''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erfUFhvmVFw "Arnold Schwarzeneggar Kill Count"]]'''''
504
505->It's Horror Stupidity Syndrome. And it seems to have become a rather prominent element in modern horror films in particular.
506-->-- ''WebVideo/MediaWhorz'' review of ''[[Film/TheThing2011 The Thing]]'' (2011)
507
508->When your life has been directly threatened by your boss and there's already been one unsolved murder in your office building, always work late ''and'' alone!
509-->-- '''Noah "[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment The Spoony One"]] Antwiler,''' ''Let's Play [[VideoGame/PhantasmagoriaAPuzzleOfFlesh Phantasmagoria 2]]''
510
511->What? No! Bad! [[BrokenAesop You can't assert free will as you do every single thing your Focus has preordained as your destiny.]] And stop walking directly into the death trap that the [[BigBad bad guy]] explicitly told you is a death trap.
512-->-- '''Noah "[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment The Spoony One"]] Antwiler,''' on ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyXIII''
513
514->'''Adam:''' Okay, I already died.\
515'''James:''' What happened?\
516'''Adam:''' I punched a dinosaur.
517-->-- '''[[Creator/RoosterTeeth Funhaus]]''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zop2Rtd0eTY&ab_channel=Funhaus WE THROW POOP - ARK: Survival Evolved Gameplay]]
518
519->Now, this [protagonist] has to be [[BrainlessBeauty so hot and]] ''[[BrainlessBeauty so dumb]]''. Like, they can't be normal dumb, they have to be ''ridiculously'' dumb. And they can't notice any clues. If they see something, they just have to ignore it like it wasn't there.
520-->-- '''[[WebVideo/{{Miniminter}} Simon Minter]]''' in his DeconstructiveParody [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxOI7LBywDs tutorial on making horror films]]
521
522->If, while trying to hide from a werewolf, you back into a clearing, you deserve to die.
523-->-- '''Jeremy Scott''', the narrator of ''WebVideo/CinemaSins'', ''Everything Wrong With Film/HarryPotterAndThePrisonerOfAzkaban''
524
525->Why would a witch whose only weakness is water have a bucket of water just lying around in her castle for any reason?
526-->-- '''Jeremy Scott''', the narrator of ''WebVideo/CinemaSins'', ''Everything Wrong With Film/TheWizardOfOz''
527
528->Set fire to your hair, \
529Poke a stick at a grizzly bear, \
530Eat medicine that's out of date, \
531Use your private parts as piranha bait,\
532\
533Dumb ways to die!\
534So many dumb ways to die, \
535Dumb ways to di-i-ie, \
536So many dumb ways to die!
537-->-- '''Advertising/DumbWaysToDie'''
538
539->I tried, you know. Lord ''knows'' I tried. But there's just no helping you people! It's like you crave death. But not just any death, nooooooo! You fuckers seem to have some kind of pool going to see who can end their existence in the dumbest, most avoidable way possible. And you just keep one-upping each other! Do you know how many of you have died screaming LeeroyJenkins? ''More than zero!'' Which, as far as I'm concerned, is grounds to exterminate the species!
540-->-- '''Kayaba''', ''WebVideo/SwordArtOnlineAbridged''
541
542->''(upon arriving at the sign made of animal legs)'' You know [[Memes/WesternAnimation that GIF]] of [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons Grandpa Simpson where he walks into the burlesque shop, sees Bart, and then immediately turns around and walks out]]? That's what any sane person would be doing right about now.
543-->--''[[WebVideo/GameCareNetwork Everything Wrong With]] VideoGame/ResidentEvil7''
544
545->'''Black Mesa PA System:''' Please, stay away from electrified rails, and proceed to an emergency station until assistance arrives.\
546'''Gordon:''' Ha! Wow… Man, how dumb would you have to ''be''? I mean, they're not gonna say something like that unless somebody's already tried to ''do'' it, right? [[AlcoholInducedIdiocy I guess if I was]] ''[[AlcoholInducedIdiocy drunk]]'' [[AlcoholInducedIdiocy enough]], I might climb out the window here and pull some hang time on the electrified tram rail.
547-->-- ''WebVideo/FreemansMind'', Episode 1
548
549->Now, behold! The terrifying abyss that is the Dead Zone! For banishing me before, you shall suffer that same gruesome fate forever, and… Wait. Did I…? I just did it again, didn't I?! I literally just did the exact same thing that got me an L last time! What am I doing?! This is exactly what my therapist told me not to do!
550-->--'''Garlic Jr.''', ''[[WebVideo/DragonballZAbridged Dragon Ball Z KAI Abridged Parody: Episode 2.9]]''
551
552->'''Franchise the Clown:''' Hello Jameis.
553->'''Jameis Winston:''' I'm not supposed to talk to strangers, or the media, or my teammates…
554->'''Franchise the Clown:''' I'm Franchise the Dependable Clown. Would you like to join me? ''(lifts arms, which are [[ItMakesSenseInContext giant crab legs]])''
555->''(JumpCut to Jameis in the sewer eating one of the crab legs)''
556->'''Franchise the Clown:''' Oh, your decision making just naturally puts you in the sewer? Ok, this was easy. ''(Proceeds to devour Jameis)''
557-->-- ''WebAnimation/GridironHeights''
558
559-> '''Donkey Kong:''' Hey, look! Hawaiian Punch!
560-> '''Diddy Kong:''' Put that back RIGHT NOW! You know Cranky's a freak. Who knows what kind of weird shit he keeps in his fri-[Donkey Kong begins drinking the potion] Aaand there you go. Why. Why do I even bother?
561-->-- ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gvPvQP5B9k Donkey Kong Country Abridged: Episode 2 - Ape Fool Young]]''
562
563->'''Nash:''' How do you '''''live?!''''' How have you ''survived?'' [[{{Angrish}} It's - it's-]]
564->'''Tara:''' I know, how have you made it this far in life?
565->'''Nash:''' How do you get out of your house and go outside and come back everyday and not '''''die?'''''
566->'''Tara:''' Because you forgot to breathe?
567->'''Nash:''' Or because you tried to [[OutsideRide ride]] ''[[OutsideRide on]]'' [[OutsideRide the train]]? Or because you saw, like, traffic and thought "[[RacingTheTrain I can beat that car]]"? How do you - ''how do you get this far in life?!''
568-->--''WebVideo/WhatTheFuckIsWrongWithYou'', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-66vU163MQ 8/28/17]], discussing an article in which people tried to safely view an eclipse by ''[[EyeScream putting sunscreen on their eyeballs]]''
569
570->''"A nice, tall glass of mercury! This'll cure my hiccups in no time!"''
571-->-- [[https://youtube.com/shorts/kPBYCL_MXB4?feature=shared "Life in the 1800's"]] by '''[[https://www.youtube.com/@kylegordonisgreat8611 Kyle Gordon]]'''
572
573-> I'm feeling brave. And by "brave" I mean [[KilledMidSentence "stup-]]
574-->-- '''[[Creator/MikeBurnfireAndZachHazard Zach Hazard]]''', playing ''VideoGame/BuckshotRoulette'', right before [[https://youtu.be/lUsJJRuqZhA?si=3B48o9MnN4WWFjT9&t=53 he shoots himself in the face]] with what turns out to be a live shell.
575
576-> Here's the thing, bro walked into his own death. You wanna know ''why'' he walked into his own death? Simple! You should know, to ''not fuck with old niggas in ANIME!'' Like, my boy, you are from ''our world'', [[GenreBlindness how do you not know this?]] You should know that the old heads are always ''[[OldMaster CRACKED!]]'' And then you see him standing like this, looking like "[[DissonantSerenity oho, why hello there sonny, wonderful weather we're having today, isn't it?]]" Nigga, ''you gon' DIE!''
577-->-- '''WebVideo/CJDaChamp''' on [[Literature/ThatTimeIGotReincarnatedAsASlime Kyoya challenging Hakuro]], [[https://youtu.be/heP_2lh3cBA?si=NNwlDB00PAtGr0yP The Most Disrespectful Moments in Anime episode 7]]
578[[/folder]]
579
580[[folder:Western Animation]]
581-> I wish to blow up! I mean, like, get big. ''([[JackassGenie explodes]])''
582-->-- '''Hot Dog Knight''', WesternAnimation/AdventureTime
583
584->'''Stan Smith:''' Yeah, I'm keeping it real, just like you said. What's scarier than real live murderers?
585->'''Roger:''' My God, Stan, you're a genius! This will be your scariest haunted house ever!
586->(''Later'')
587->'''Roger:''' Stan, you don't have to worry. I fixed everything.(''Power goes off'')
588->'''Klaus:''' (''Lights a candle'') What's going on?
589->'''Roger:''' I let the prisoners out.
590->'''Stan Smith:''' [[OhCrap You what?!]]
591->'''Roger:''' Yeah, Francine was right. A shark's not very intimidating behind glass, but if you're in the ocean with it...
592->'''Klaus:''' But Roger, they're going to kill us all!
593->'''Francine Smith:''' And chop off my head!
594->'''Roger:''' Scary, right? [[DidntThinkThisThrough Ugh, I never think things through.]]
595-->-- ''WesternAnimation/AmericanDad'', "Recap/AmericanDadS7E3BestLittleHorrorHouseInLangleyFalls"
596
597->'''Sprig:''' ''(looking in a [[WoodChipperOfDoom wood chipper]])'' Ooh, that looks fun.\
598'''Anne:''' '''[[OhCrap SPRIG, NO!]]''' ''(immediately yanks him away)''
599-->-- ''WesternAnimation/{{Amphibia}}'', "Hop Til You Drop"
600
601->'''Meatwad:''' ([[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext holding a scorpion]]) I'll eat it... if you eat it.\
602'''Shake:''' All right, deal! Wait a minute… how are you gonna eat it after I eat it?\
603'''Meatwad:''' Look, you eat it, then I go back in time to before the time that you eat it, then I'll eat it. [[note]]They actually do have a time machine in this episode, but it's still pretty clear that Meatwad's lying.[[/note]]\
604'''Shake:''' Okay.\
605''(later)''\
606'''Frylock:''' What's wrong with Shake?\
607'''Meatwad:''' Oh, he's dead. Dumbass ate a scorpion.
608-->-- ''WesternAnimation/AquaTeenHungerForce''
609
610->'''Pizza Twin #1:''' Dude, I like... cannot drive and beat your high score at the same time.
611->'''Pizza Twin #2:''' Sure you can, dude! Just let go of that round-thingy.
612->'''Pizza Twin #1:''' Oh yeah! ''Completely.''
613-->-- ''WesternAnimation/BackAtTheBarnyard'', "Cowman & Ratboy"
614
615->Oh my God! Someone just left this laying here? Well, it ''is'' cold and flu season.
616-->-- '''Steve Williams''' finding a syringe from the trash before injecting himself with it, ''WesternAnimation/{{Brickleberry}}''
617
618->'''Brian Griffin:''' Who the hell buys a novelty fire extinguisher?\
619'''Peter Griffin:''' I'll tell you who: someone who cares enough about physical comedy to [[InferredHolocaust put his whole family at serious risk]].
620-->-- ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy''
621
622->'''Freakazoid:''' Dumb, dumb, '''dumb!''' Never tell the villain how to trap you in a cage!\
623'''Gutierrez:''' You probably shouldn't have helped us build it, either.\
624'''Freakazoid:''' I know! '''''Dumb!'''''
625-->-- ''WesternAnimation/{{Freakazoid}}''
626
627->'''Fry:''' Wait. I know where we can get beeswax. From those giant space bees that nearly killed us, and we swore we'd never go back there.\
628'''Farnsworth:''' Let's go back there!
629-->-- ''WesternAnimation/{{Futurama}}''
630
631->''Anyone can be a fool\
632And do things which are wrong\
633But fools find out, when it's too late,\
634That they don't live so long''
635-->-- '''Jiminy Cricket''', ''Series/TheMickeyMouseClub''.
636
637-> '''WesternAnimation/DaffyDuck:''' He does ''so'' have to shoot me now! I ''demand'' that you shoot me now!
638->''later on...''
639-> '''WesternAnimation/BugsBunny:''' [[BrickJoke Wouldja like ta shoot 'im here, or wait 'til ya get home?]]
640->'''Daffy:''' Oh no ya don't! Not this time! ''(to Elmer)'' Wait 'til ya get ''home.''
641-->-- ''WesternAnimation/RabbitSeasoning''
642
643->Cartman, you are hereby declared a full-fledged retard.
644-->-- '''Kyle Broflovski''', ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark''
645
646->Coin-operated self-destruct. [[LampshadeHanging Not one of my better ideas.]]
647-->-- '''Plankton''', ''WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants''
648
649->''Anyone can be a fool and do things which are wrong, but fools find out when it's too late that they don't live so long.''
650-->-- '''Jiminy Cricket''', ''WesternAnimation/ImNoFool''
651[[/folder]]
652
653[[folder:Real Life]]
654->Nature abhors a moron.
655-->-- '''Creator/HLMencken''', 1949
656
657->I had this lady interviewer following me around. More of that [[GoingForTheBigScoop in-depth crap.]] She was convinced that life with Altman was a never-ending round of [[HookersAndBlow orgies and excess.]] She was even snooping around in my hotel bathroom, for Christ's sake, and she found this jar of funny white powder in the medicine cabinet. Aha! she thinks. Cocaine! So she snorts some. Unfortunately, what she didn't know was that I'm allergic to commercial toothpaste because the dentine in it makes me break out in a rash. So my wife [[MistakenForJunkie mixes up baking soda and salt]] for me, and — poor girl.
658-->--'''Creator/RobertAltman''', as interviewed by Creator/RogerEbert
659
660->Since it is opportunity which makes not only the thief but also the assassin, such heroic gestures as driving in an open, unarmoured vehicle or walking about the streets unguarded are just damned stupidity, which serves the Fatherland not one whit. That a man as irreplaceable as Heydrich should expose himself to unnecessary danger, I can only condemn as stupid and idiotic.
661-->--'''UsefulNotes/AdolfHitler''', on the assassination of UsefulNotes/ReinhardHeydrich
662
663->That's not a basking shark, dude.
664-->-- Shark diving meme
665[[/folder]]

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