Line #19 Quotes/SarcasticConfession


1	[[foldercontrol]]
2
3	[[folder:Comic Books]]
4	->'''Customer:''' Ms. Gordon — your books are so real! How do you get so many details?\
5	'''[[Comicbook/{{Batgirl}} Barbara Gordon]]:''' I'm secretly Batgirl.\
6	'''Customer:''' No, really! ''[laughs]''
7	-->-- ''ComicBook/ElseworldsFinestSupergirlAndBatgirl''
8
9	->'''Betty Brant:''' Oh Peter, '''nobody''' could sprain his arm playing volley ball! What '''really''' happened?\
10	'''Peter Parker:''' Okay, I'll tell you the truth. It happened in the air, while I was fighting the Vulture for dear life!\
11	'''Betty:''' Oh, well! Ask a silly question!
12	-->-- ''[[ComicBook/TheAmazingSpiderManLeeAndDitko The Amazing Spider-Man]]'' #7
13
14	->'''Gabe:''' Why are you mumbling?\
15	'''Miguel:''' Because I've grown ''fangs'', and if I open my mouth too wide you'll see them. Now will ya ''shut up'' a minute.\
16	'''Gabe:''' Ha, ha. Very funny.
17	-->-- ''ComicBook/SpiderMan2099''
18
19	->''"It's so easy fitting in in this time. People ask me questions, I answer them honestly, and they assume I'm joking. So it all works out."''
20	-->-- '''Miguel O'Hara''', ''ComicBook/SpiderMan2099''
21	[[/folder]]
22
23	[[folder:Fan Works]]
24	->'''Professor Goodwitch:''' Regardless, even if you choose not to accept my aid, you still have yet to answer my question on the source of your new abilities.\
25	'''Jaune:''' Fine, you want to know where my powers come from? I'm possessed by the spirit of an ancient, magic warlord that got turned into a Grimm.\
26	'''Goodwitch:''' Mr. Arc, if you are not going to take this seriously, then I believe this conversation is over and I am going to ask that you leave. But remember, even if you don't trust us with the truth, it will come out eventually.
27	-->-- ''Fanfic/JauneArcLordOfHunger'', "[[Recap/JauneArcLordOfHungerVytal Vytal]]"
28
29	->'''Asuka:''' Anyway, how did you do that earlier?\
30	'''Shinji:''' In situations where denial or dishonesty is expected, the truth can often be dismissed as fabrication. Control of a situation is not just based off what you do, but what others expect you to do.\
31	'''Asuka:''' You… lied by telling the truth?\
32	'''Shinji:''' Think of it like pretending to make a feint in combat. If your opponent expects you to feint, if you follow through then the expected strike was the lie while the feint was a real attack.\
33	'''Asuka:''' Okay, that makes a bit more sense when put into those terms.
34	-->-- ''Fanfic/ThousandShinji''
35
36	->"I still can't believe you all thought Godfrey was my father for two months. I must say, I much prefer your current theory that my mother ran off with a man from Morfis, Lorenz." His lips twitched into a smirk. "Unless, of course, Cyril sitting in this classroom has somehow convinced you that my mother left Fodlan for Almyra while we were in the middle of a war with them. All so that she could have a torrid affair with my father."
37	-->-- '''[[VideoGame/FireEmblemThreeHouses Claude von Riegan]]''', ''[[https://archiveofourown.org/works/20843561/chapters/49548521 Slow Return]]''
38	[[/folder]]
39
40	[[folder:Film -- Live-Action]]
41	->''"Nothing the Party says is true. Nothing the Party does is good. Even the war itself isn't real. The Party wants you to believe we are at war so as to channel your aggressions away from the rightful target, the Party. Big Brother is not real. He is pure fiction, created by the Party. The real rulers of the state of Oceania are are unknown, faceless manipulators of the Inner Party who, because they are not known, are able to wield power without let or hindrance. People of Oceania, you are being duped. The Party doesn't serve its people, it serves itself. We are not at war with Eurasia. You are being made into obedient, stupid slaves of the Party. Open your eyes. See the evil that is happening to you. The Party drops bombs on its own citizens. It is the Party, not the Eurasians, who are our enemies. Rise up. Throw off the yoke. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. People of Oceania."''
42	-->-- '''An actor playing Emmanuel Goldstein''', unwittingly describing the Party's own tactics in a propaganda film, ''Literature/NineteenEightyFour''
43
44	->'''Jack:''' Well, then, I confess: It is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer me weaselly black guts out.\
45	'''Murtogg:''' I said no lies!\
46	'''Mullroy:''' I think he's telling the truth.\
47	'''Murtogg:''' If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us.\
48	'''Jack:''' [[LampshadeHanging Unless of course he knew you wouldn't]] ''[[LampshadeHanging believe]]'' [[LampshadeHanging the truth, even if he told you.]]
49	-->-- ''Film/PiratesOfTheCaribbeanTheCurseOfTheBlackPearl''
50
51	->''"You lied to me by telling me the truth?"''
52	-->-- '''Captain Jack Sparrow''', who is surprised for all of a quarter second, ''Film/PiratesOfTheCaribbeanOnStrangerTides''
53
54	->'''Trini's Mother:''' So where were you last night?\
55	'''Trini:''' Me and four kids found a spaceship buried underground.\
56	'''Mother:''' [[FlatWhat What?]]\
57	'''Trini:''' I'm pretty sure I'm a super hero.\
58	'''Trini's Brothers:''' ''Cool.''\
59	'''Mother:''' ''[slams a container on the table]'' PEE IN THAT CUP!
60	-->-- ''Film/PowerRangers2017''
61
62	-> '''[[TortureTechnician Samir]]''': Is there anything you'd like to tell me before we start?\
63	'''[[Creator/ArnoldSchwarzenegger Harry]]''': Yeah. I'm going to ''kill you pretty soon''.\
64	'''Samir''': I see. How, exactly?\
65	'''Harry''': First I'm going to use you as a {{human shield}}. Then I'm going to kill this guard over here with the Patterson trocar on the table. And then I was thinking about [[NeckSnap breaking your neck]].\
66	'''Samir''': And what makes you think you can do all that?\
67	'''Harry''': You know my handcuffs?\
68	'''Samir''': Mmm-hmm.\
69	'''Harry''': I picked them.\
70	[''cue Samir going OhCrap before Harry kills every enemy present using the exact methods he described'']
71	-->-- Arnie tells the truth in ''Film/TrueLies'''
72	[[/folder]]
73
74	[[folder:Literature]]
75	->''That's the advantage of having a reputation for gags; you can say practically anything if you handle your face right [...] it's the Hitler-Stalin technique in reverse. They tell barefaced lies to have them taken as truth, and we told the barefaced truth to have it taken as a lie.''
76	-->-- '''Archie Goodwin''', ''Literature/NeroWolfe'', ''The Cop Killer''
77
78	->''"It’s not enough to be able to lie with a straight face; anybody with enough gall to raise on a busted flush can do that. The first way to lie artistically is to tell the truth — but not all of it. The second way involves telling the truth, too, but is harder: Tell the exact truth and maybe all of it…but tell it so unconvincingly that your listener is sure you are lying."''
79	-->-- '''Robert A. Heinlein''', ''Literature/TimeEnoughForLove''
80
81	->'''Lestrade:''' He was a middle-sized, strongly built man--square jaw, thick neck, moustache, a mask over his eyes.\
82	'''Holmes:''' [[SuspectIsHatless That's rather vague.]] Why, it might be a description of Watson!\
83	'''Lestrade:''' It's true, it might be a description of Watson.
84	-->--''[[Literature/SherlockHolmes "The Adventure of Charles Augustus Milverton"]]'', the morning after Holmes and Watson were nearly caught after burgling Milverton's house and witnessing his murder.
85	[[/folder]]
86
87	[[folder:Live-Action TV]]
88	->'''Jenna:''' You wouldn't be trying to get rid of me would you?\
89	'''Avon:''' I have to get rid of Blake first. You're next on my list.\
90	'''Jenna:''' That would have been very disarming, if I didn't know that you meant it.
91	-->-- ''Series/BlakesSeven'', "Cygnus Alpha"
92
93	->'''Hank:''' What you got in there? Cinderblocks?\
94	'''Walter:''' Half-million in cash.
95	-->-- ''Series/BreakingBad''
96
97	->'''Hank:''' "To W.W. My star, my perfect silence." W.W. I mean, who do you figure that is, y'know? Woodrow Wilson? Willy Wonka? ...Walter White?\
98	'''Walter:''' You got me.
99	-->-- ''Series/BreakingBad''
100
101	->"Well, in that case, you are dining with a psychopathic murderer, Frederick." ''(Clinks glasses)''
102	-->-- '''[[Series/{{Hannibal}} Hannibal Lecter]]''', psychopathic murderer
103
104	->'''Marshall:''' You two got in a fight. Really.
105	->'''Ted:''' Uh, no, Barney punched me and himself in the face to make it look like we got in a fight. Come on, Marshall!
106	-->-- ''Series/HowIMetYourMother'', "[[Recap/HowIMetYourMotherS4E10TheFight The Fight]]"
107
108	->'''Dwight:''' Stop it!\
109	'''Jim:''' Stop what?\
110	'''Dwight:''' You [and Pam are] talking about me in Morse code. You know what? Joke's on you, cause I know Morse code. Ha!\
111	'''Jim:''' Yeah. That's what we're doing. With our very limited free time and with our very limited budget we went and got a nanny, and then we went out and took a class on a very outmoded and very unnecessary form of communication just so we can talk about you in front of you.\
112	'''Jim:''' ''(in interview)'' Yup, that's ''exactly'' what we did.
113	-->-- ''Series/TheOfficeUS''
114
115	->'''Gus:''' You named your fake detective agency "Psych"? As in "gotcha"? Why didn't you just call it "Hey, we're fooling you and the police department; hope we don't make a mistake and somebody dies because of it."\
116	'''Shawn:''' First of all, Gus, that name is entirely too long; it would never fit on the window. And secondly, the best way you convince people you're not lying to them is to tell them you are!
117	-->-- ''Series/{{Psych}}'', [[Recap/PsychS01E01Pilot Pilot]]
118
119	->''"Actually, we're having an illicit affair in the photocopying room."''
120	-->-- '''Penny''', having been nearly caught having an illicit affair in the photocopying room for the second time in as many minutes, ''Series/Teachers2001''
121	[[/folder]]
122
123	[[folder:Webcomics]]
124	->'''[[VideoGame/MegaManClassic Bass]]:''' Everything that she said is completely accurate! There's no prize waiting for you in the desert! Only death! I'm just trying to trick you! [[BatmanGambit I'm using your own arrogance and pride against you!]] IN FACT, I'M DOING IT RIGHT NOW!\
125	'''[[VideoGame/{{Lufia}} Amon]]:''' Absurd! I'm [[TooDumbToLive far too intelligent]] to fall for such a plan!
126	-->-- ''[[Webcomic/CaptainSNES Captain SNES: The Game Masta]]''
127	[[/folder]]
128
129	[[folder:Web Original]]
130	->'''Charles Stoltz:''' [[Franchise/{{Superman}} Clark Kent]] [[{{Trolling}} the ultimate Troll]]\
131	'''[=ReduxEditor335=]:''' She asked. And its not lying if you confess sarcastically. [[{{Emoticon}} xD]]
132	-->-- Website/YouTube comments [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0QVvbhMm24 on the below scene]] from ''STAS''.
133	[[/folder]]
134
135	[[folder:Western Animation]]
136	->'''Gloria:''' What happened to you?\
137	'''[[ComicBook/SpiderGwen Gwen]]:''' I was chased by a SWAT team for six city blocks. Duh.\
138	''[beat, then everybody laughs]''
139	-->-- ''WesternAnimation/MarvelRisingInitiation''
140
141	->''"And now I'm using sarcasm, to confess the whole thing so later I could say I already told you."''
142	-->-- '''Homer''', ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', "Bart Has Two Mommies"
143
144	->'''Lois Lane:''' I'm confused, Kent. See, I've lived in Metropolis most of my life and I can't figure out how some yokel from Smallville is suddenly getting every hot story in town.\
145	'''[[ClarkKenting Clark Kent]]:''' ''[lowers his glasses]'' Well, Lois, the truth is I'm actually Franchise/{{Superman}} in disguise, and I only pretend to be a journalist in order to hear about disasters as they happen [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and then squeeze you out of the byline]].\
146	''[{{beat}}]''\
147	'''Lois Lane:''' You're a sick man, Kent. ''[leaves]''\
148	'''Clark Kent:''' ''[with a sly smile]'' You asked...
149	-->-- ''WesternAnimation/SupermanTheAnimatedSeries'', "The Main Man: Part I"
150	[[/folder]]
151

Context Quotes / SarcasticConfession