| 1 | [[foldercontrol]] |
| 2 | |
| 3 | [[folder:Anime and Manga]] |
| 4 | ->''"He's more likely to hit me if I dodge."'' |
| 5 | -->-- '''Mikazuki Augus''', ''Anime/MobileSuitGundamIronBloodedOrphans'' |
| 6 | |
| 7 | ->''"They're such lousy shots! If they keep this up, it'll be smooth sailing to Russia!"'' |
| 8 | -->-- '''Andy''', ''Manga/UndeadUnluck'' |
| 9 | [[/folder]] |
| 10 | |
| 11 | [[folder:Comic Books]] |
| 12 | ->'''Lucky Luke:''' (''a shot misses him and hits a cow'') It's a shame to be such a lousy shot.\ |
| 13 | '''Jolly Jumper:''' You'll not hear me complain. |
| 14 | -->-- ''ComicBook/LuckyLuke'', ''The Rivals of Painful Gulch'' |
| 15 | |
| 16 | ->''"So is there a Decepticon school where they teach you how to ''miss?''"'' |
| 17 | -->-- '''Swoop''', ''Franchise/{{Transformers}}: [[Franchise/TransformersAlignedUniverse Rage of the Dinobots]]'' |
| 18 | [[/folder]] |
| 19 | |
| 20 | [[folder:Fan Works]] |
| 21 | ->''"I don't even really have to dodge. He just kind of misses."'' |
| 22 | -->-- '''WesternAnimation/{{A|vatarTheLastAirbender}}ang''', ''WebVideo/AvatarTheAbridgedSeries'' |
| 23 | |
| 24 | ->''"'[[NumberTwoForBrains Lonzak]], you lummox!' cried Zarkendorf. 'He's right in front of you--how could you possibly miss? Didn't I send you to the Stormtrooper Academy on [[Film/AttackOfTheClones Kamino]]?'"'' |
| 25 | -->-- ''Fanfic/Plan7Of9FromOuterSpace'' |
| 26 | |
| 27 | ->''"A fierce battle follows, during which about 1 in 10 shots fired actually hits something."'' |
| 28 | -->-- ''[[http://www.kotorfanmedia.net/node/1593 Yet Another KotOR Parody]]'' |
| 29 | [[/folder]] |
| 30 | |
| 31 | [[folder:Film -- Animated]] |
| 32 | ->''"You missed! How could you miss?! He was ''three feet'' in front of you!"'' |
| 33 | -->-- '''Mushu''' to ''WesternAnimation/{{Mulan}}'', [[spoiler:who hit [[ExactlyWhatIAimedAt exactly what she aimed at]]]] |
| 34 | [[/folder]] |
| 35 | |
| 36 | [[folder:Film -- Live-Action]] |
| 37 | ->'''Arius''': Mr. Bennett, my soldiers are patriots.\ |
| 38 | '''Bennett''': Your soldiers are nothing. Matrix and I could kill every one of them, in the blink of an eye. Remember that. |
| 39 | -->-- ''Film/{{Commando}}'' |
| 40 | |
| 41 | ->''"Harry! You're alive! And you're a horrible shot!"'' |
| 42 | -->-- '''Lloyd Christmas''', ''Film/DumbAndDumber'' |
| 43 | |
| 44 | ->''"I don't know what all the fuss is about. [[TemptingFate Vogons are the worst marksmen in the galaxy.]]"'' |
| 45 | -->-- '''Marvin''', ''Film/TheHitchhikersGuideToTheGalaxy2005'' |
| 46 | |
| 47 | ->''"My God. Do we just suck, or is this guy really that good?"'' |
| 48 | -->-- '''Mr Hertz''', ''Film/ShootEmUp'' |
| 49 | |
| 50 | ->'''Go-To-Guy:''' You realise we weren't trying to kill you. We were only trying to scare you into surrendering.\ |
| 51 | '''Smith:''' Well that's one way to explain why you can't shoot straight. |
| 52 | -->-- ''Film/ShootEmUp'' |
| 53 | |
| 54 | ->''"And these blast points, too accurate for Sand People. Only Imperial stormtroopers are so precise."'' |
| 55 | -->-- '''Obi-Wan Kenobi''', [[HilariousInHindsight making one of the most inaccurate accurate deductions]] [[Franchise/StarWars in the history of the franchise]] in ''Film/StarWarsANewHope'' |
| 56 | |
| 57 | -> '''[=K-2SO=]''': I'm surprised you're so concerned with my safety.\ |
| 58 | '''Jyn''': I'm not. I'm just worried they might miss you — and hit me. |
| 59 | --> -- ''Film/RogueOne'' |
| 60 | |
| 61 | ->'''Donatello''': Good thing these guys aren't lumberjacks!\ |
| 62 | '''Michaelangelo''': ''[dodging Foot Clan axe swings]'' No joke! The only thing safe in the woods would be the trees! |
| 63 | -->--''Film/TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles1990'' |
| 64 | |
| 65 | ->''"Look, son, being a good shot, being quick with a pistol, that don't do no harm, but it don't mean much next to being cool-headed. A man who will keep his head and not get rattled under fire, like as not, he'll kill ya. It ain't so easy to shoot a man anyhow, especially if the son-of-a-bitch is shootin' back at you."'' |
| 66 | -->-- '''Little Bill Daggett''', ''Film/{{Unforgiven}}'' |
| 67 | |
| 68 | ->''He's a humdinger, a Western swinger\ |
| 69 | But he has a little trouble with his trigger finger!\ |
| 70 | When he takes aim, it's anybody's guess!\ |
| 71 | He's The Shakiest Gun In The West!'' |
| 72 | -->--'''Opening theme by The Wilburn Brothers''', ''Film/TheShakiestGunInTheWest'' |
| 73 | |
| 74 | ->'''Jules:''' You see the size of that gun he fired at us? It was bigger than him. ''(He turns around to the bullet riddled wall)'' We should be fucking dead, man. |
| 75 | ->'''Vincent:''' I know. We was lucky. |
| 76 | ->'''Jules:''' No, no, no, no. That shit wasn't luck. |
| 77 | ->'''Vincent:''' Yeah, maybe. |
| 78 | ->'''Jules:''' This was divine intervention. You know what divine intervention is? |
| 79 | ->'''Vincent:''' I think so. That means that God came down from Heaven and stopped the bullets. |
| 80 | ->'''Jules:''' That's right. That's exactly what it means. God came down from Heaven and stopped these motherfucking bullets. |
| 81 | ->'''Vincent:''' I think it's time for us to leave, Jules. |
| 82 | ->'''Jules:''' Don't do that. Don't fucking blow this shit off! What just happened here was a fucking miracle! |
| 83 | ->'''Vincent:''' Chill, Jules. This shit happens. |
| 84 | ->'''Jules:''' Wrong! Wrong. This shit doesn't just "happen." |
| 85 | ->'''Vincent:''' Do you want to continue this theological discussion in a car or in a jailhouse with the cops? |
| 86 | ->'''Jules:''' We should be fucking dead, my friend. What happened here was a miracle and I want you to fucking acknowledge it! |
| 87 | ->'''Vince:''' All right, it was a miracle. Can we go now? |
| 88 | -->-- '''Film/PulpFiction''' |
| 89 | |
| 90 | ->''"You missed!'' With a CANNON!!''"'' |
| 91 | -->-- '''Tecopa''', ''Film/Tremors4TheLegendBegins''[[labelnote:*]]Said cannon was a [[{{BFG}} punt gun]], the kind of gun used for mass duck hunting, fired at point-blank range[[/labelnote]] |
| 92 | [[/folder]] |
| 93 | |
| 94 | [[folder:Literature]] |
| 95 | ->''<[[SurroundedByIdiots Would it be asking too much for one of you to actually hit something?!!]]>'' |
| 96 | -->--'''Visser Three,''' ''Literature/{{Animorphs}} #29: The Sickness'' |
| 97 | |
| 98 | ->''"Principle of Evil Marksmanship: The bad guys are always lousy shots in the movies. Three villains with Uzis will go after the hero, spraying thousands of rounds which miss him, after which he picks them off with a handgun."'' |
| 99 | -->-- ''Literature/EbertsGlossaryOfMovieTerms''. |
| 100 | [[/folder]] |
| 101 | |
| 102 | [[folder:Live-Action TV]] |
| 103 | ->'''Brigadier:''' No casualties?\ |
| 104 | '''Turner:''' No, sir. All well. Fortunately Vaughn's jackboots couldn't... couldn't shoot a flying elephant. |
| 105 | -->-- ''Series/DoctorWho'', "The Invasion" |
| 106 | |
| 107 | ->'''Martin Crane:''' A man's supposed to honor his agreements. Didn't you learn anything from that movie?\ |
| 108 | '''Frasier Crane:''' Yes, only that bullets are useless against [[Creator/JeanClaudeVanDamme a man who can kick really high]]. |
| 109 | -->-- ''Series/{{Frasier}}'' |
| 110 | |
| 111 | ->'''Ranzar Malk:''' Well, Mayfeld… he's one of the best triggermen I've seen. Former Imperial sharpshooter.\ |
| 112 | '''Din Djarin:''' [[DamnedByFaintPraise That's not saying much.]]\ |
| 113 | '''Migs Mayfeld:''' I wasn't a Stormtrooper, wise-ass! |
| 114 | -->-- ''Series/TheMandalorian'', "[[Recap/TheMandalorianS1E6Chapter6ThePrisoner The Prisoner]]" |
| 115 | |
| 116 | ->'''Din Djarin:''' Troopers?\ |
| 117 | '''Bo-Katan Kryse:''' A squad at most.\ |
| 118 | '''Axe Woves:''' And they couldn't hit the side of a bantha. |
| 119 | -->-- ''Series/TheMandalorian'', "[[Recap/TheMandalorianS2E3Chapter11TheHeiress The Heiress]]" |
| 120 | |
| 121 | ->'''Crow:''' Here's some free advice to the mutineers - STOP AND ''AIM'' YOU IDIOTS!!\ |
| 122 | '''Servo:''' Why is he so hard to hit? How can they keep missing this slow, giant white thing?\ |
| 123 | '''Mike:''' You know, they shouldn't have set their [[Franchise/StarTrek phasers]] to "miss." |
| 124 | -->-- ''Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 '', riffing on ''Film/SpaceMutiny'' |
| 125 | |
| 126 | ->'''Lister:''' Why don't we meet anyone nice?\ |
| 127 | '''Cat:''' Why don't we ever meet anyone who can shoot straight? |
| 128 | -->-- ''Series/RedDwarf'', "[[Recap/RedDwarfSeasonVQuarantine Quarantine]]" |
| 129 | |
| 130 | ->''"The great thing about Jeremy's shooting is that you are perfectly safe just as long as you stand right in front of the target."'' |
| 131 | -->-- '''James May''', ''Series/TopGearUK'' |
| 132 | [[/folder]] |
| 133 | |
| 134 | [[folder:Music]] |
| 135 | ->''"You will be terrible, when it comes to shooting you're just terrible\ |
| 136 | You'll shoot at 210 Gungans and not a single one will die\ |
| 137 | We'll get the last laugh on Palpatine's ass\ |
| 138 | By building him an army of guys\ |
| 139 | So terrible\ |
| 140 | am I!"'' |
| 141 | -->-- '''{{Music/Voltaire}}''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vh0l00Y1760 "Expendable"]] |
| 142 | [[/folder]] |
| 143 | |
| 144 | [[folder:Video Games]] |
| 145 | ->''"[[LampshadeHanging You can shoot them all day and not hit with aim like that!]]"'' |
| 146 | -->-- '''Scarlet''', ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVII'' |
| 147 | |
| 148 | ->'''Reginald:''' Status Report; did we get him?\ |
| 149 | '''Burt:''' Uh, we completely missed and he's in the ship now.\ |
| 150 | '''Reginald:''' Completely missed? ''(sigh)'' We spent so much money on that! |
| 151 | -->-- ''[[VideoGame/HenryStickminSeries Henry Stickmin: Completing the Mission]]'' |
| 152 | |
| 153 | ->'''Stormtrooper 1:''' We could go to the shooting range.\ |
| 154 | '''Stormtrooper 2:''' No need, I hit three out of twenty yesterday.\ |
| 155 | '''Stormtrooper 1:''' That many?! It's a new base record!\ |
| 156 | '''Stormtrooper 2:''' I closed my eyes. It actually helped. |
| 157 | -->-- ''VideoGame/LEGOStarWars: Film/TheForceAwakens'' |
| 158 | |
| 159 | ->''"Ever notice how all the bad guys in action movies have TERRIBLE accuracy? They couldn't hit the broad side of a barnacle with a Splash-o-matic!"'' |
| 160 | -->-- '''Marina''', ''VideoGame/Splatoon2''[[note]]The Splash-o-matic is the only shooter-class weapon whose shots ''never'' miss the spot where the player aims it.[[/note]] |
| 161 | |
| 162 | ->''I took the sights off of my gun to save weight. I don't need to aim.'' |
| 163 | -->--'''Royal Army grunt''', ''VideoGame/FarCry4'' |
| 164 | [[/folder]] |
| 165 | |
| 166 | [[folder:Web Animation]] |
| 167 | ->''"Oh, my God, I ''suck!''"'' |
| 168 | -->-- '''Church''', ''WebAnimation/RedVsBlue'' |
| 169 | [[/folder]] |
| 170 | |
| 171 | [[folder:Webcomics]] |
| 172 | ->''"Sheena, this guy's aim's so bad, I'll be safer if he's targeting ''me!''"'' |
| 173 | -->-- '''Kid Radd''', ''Webcomic/KidRadd'' |
| 174 | |
| 175 | ->''"Where do we get these guys, Stormtroopers 'R' Us?"'' |
| 176 | -->-- '''Revolver Ocelot''', ''Webcomic/TheLastDaysOfFoxhound'' |
| 177 | [[/folder]] |
| 178 | |
| 179 | [[folder:Web Original]] |
| 180 | ->''"Bond uses Jinx's grappling line (which still hasn't been taken down) to get to the roof. He then uses it again to run down the roof and head for Graves' ice skimmer. As he gets in, Zao's henchmen keep missing, despite being about ten feet away and shooting at a mostly stationary target."'' |
| 181 | -->-- ''Website/TheAgonyBooth'' [[http://www.agonybooth.com/recaps/Die_Another_Day_2002.aspx?Page=6 on]] ''Film/DieAnotherDay'' |
| 182 | |
| 183 | ->''"I don't know, I just feel like we all have really great aim until the second we put on [[FacelessGoons these helmets...]]"'' |
| 184 | -->-- ''Website/CollegeHumor'' |
| 185 | |
| 186 | ->''"They expend most of their ammunition (and half their team) in a single firefight, and they don't hit a head once. Never mind basic survival, that's statistically impossible. They hit the walls, the roof, the floor, and destroy the "safety controls" on the experimental mega-zombie containment units littered about the room, which releases even more undead; [[EpicFail they shoot so badly they actually increase the number of zombies.]]"'' |
| 187 | -->-- ''Website/{{Cracked}}'' on the ''Film/ResidentEvilFilmSeries''' [[http://www.cracked.com/article_18781_umbrella-most-wasteful-movie-corporation-ever.html Umbrella operatives]]. |
| 188 | |
| 189 | ->''"My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice."'' |
| 190 | -->-- ''EvilOverlordList'', Item no. 56 |
| 191 | |
| 192 | ->''"And then I fired again. And then I missed. And then I fired, and fired, and missed. I missed both times. And then I fired. And I missed. This went on for several hours. And then I fired. And then I missed. And then I was out of bullets. And then I got sad. And I had a Popsicle. And I passed out in the snow. And then I woke up. And then I reloaded. And then I fired. And then I missed. I missed again. I fired. I hit something. But it wasn't what I was going for, so I guess I missed. I passed out again. I had another Popsicle. I had a dream that I was firing at something - I missed."'' |
| 193 | -->-- '''The WebVideo/GameGrumps''' playing ''VideoGame/NancyDrew'' |
| 194 | |
| 195 | ->''"Excellent shot, [[WebVideo/TheAngryJoeShow Mister Joe]], except for the fact that you missed. Fire again!"'' |
| 196 | -->-- '''[[WebVideo/AtopTheFourthWall Linkara]]''', ''WebVideo/{{Kickassia}}'' |
| 197 | |
| 198 | ->''"Like many Transformers, they brilliantly set their guns to shoot everything around the target, except the target. We feel that gave the opponent a fighting chance."'' |
| 199 | -->--'''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic''' as Optimus Prime, reviewing ''WesternAnimation/TheTransformers'' |
| 200 | |
| 201 | ->''"Set your guns to 'not even close!'"'' |
| 202 | -->-- '''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic''' reviewing ''Film/{{Spawn|1997}}'' |
| 203 | |
| 204 | ->'''Krennic''': Ugh, I guess I'll have to go down there.\ |
| 205 | '''Trooper''': Don't you have a million Stormtroopers?\ |
| 206 | '''Krennic''': Yeah, but I can actually ''hit'' something! (''storms away'')\ |
| 207 | '''Trooper:''' (''hangs head'') What an asshole. |
| 208 | -->-- ''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic'', ''Film/RogueOne'' review |
| 209 | |
| 210 | ->''"And now we partake in the best part of any Creator/{{Arnold|Schwarzenegger}} movie, when everyone in the entire world tries to hit this guy, and not one friggin' bullet touches him. STOP SHOOTING AT THE GROUND, YA MORONS!!"'' |
| 211 | -->-- '''WebVideo/TheNostalgiaCritic''' reviewing ''Film/{{Commando}}'' |
| 212 | |
| 213 | ->''"Now remember men, you're stormtroopers! [[EpicFail You couldn't hit a dead blue whale!]]"'' |
| 214 | -->-- '''Mike Nelson''', ''Podcast/RiffTrax'' of ''Film/ANewHope'' |
| 215 | |
| 216 | ->'''C-3PO:''' Oh no! Chewie, they're behind you!\ |
| 217 | '''Bill Corbett:''' And if you give them [[MoreDakka several hundred unimpeded shots]] they might, ''might'', just get lucky and [[PinballProjectile bounce one off a wall]] that might, and let me stress again ''might'', actually do some damage... [[FailureIsTheOnlyOption possibly]]. |
| 218 | -->-- ''Podcast/RiffTrax'' of ''Film/TheEmpireStrikesBack'' |
| 219 | |
| 220 | ->''"Gentlemen, fire - and miss an astounding percentage of your shots - at will."'' |
| 221 | -->-- '''Bill Corbett''' on the First Order Stormtroopers, ''Podcast/RiffTrax'' of ''Film/TheForceAwakens'' |
| 222 | |
| 223 | ->''(Well, those turning around would see.... A dead stormtrooper. Somehow the fucker missed, at point blank, and nailed his teammate instead.)''\ |
| 224 | '''Stormtroopers:''' Traitor!\ |
| 225 | (One of the stormtroopers shoots at the executioner. Also missing, and hitting his buddy. Causing the rest to look at him too. And one fires at him. And well... Yeah, this repeats, and starts up a chain reaction. Haken sighs.)\ |
| 226 | '''Haken:''' These guys are more dangerous to themselves than to us, hell they're more dangerous to themselves than we are. |
| 227 | -->-- ''Roleplay/WeAreOurAdventuringAvatars'' |
| 228 | |
| 229 | ->''"Beast Man uses one of Grayskull's high tech kill-you guns to blast at the fleeing He-Man, altogether forgetting the cardinal rule of cartoon villains: they've got the worst aim in the universe."'' |
| 230 | -->-- [[http://www.x-entertainment.com/articles/0878/ X-Entertainment's article]] on a ''Franchise/MastersOfTheUniverse'' coloring book |
| 231 | |
| 232 | ->''"The one thing those movies make plain about Imperial Storm Troopers is that they couldn’t hit the broad side of a Death Star even if they were standing the length of one womp-rat away from it. Their job is to fill the air with blaster fire and miss. They do that job very effectively."'' |
| 233 | -->--''Creator/JohnMichaelGreer'', ''[[https://www.ecosophia.net/notes-on-stormtrooper-syndrome/ Notes on Stormtrooper Syndrome]]'' |
| 234 | [[/folder]] |
| 235 | |
| 236 | [[folder:Western Animation]] |
| 237 | |
| 238 | ->'''Skumm''': Haven't you ever heard of target practice? |
| 239 | -->--''WesternAnimation/CaptainPlanetAndThePlaneteers'', "Who's Running the Show?" |
| 240 | |
| 241 | ->'''Cleveland:''' Oh no, they're shooting at us!\ |
| 242 | '''Peter:''' Good thing bad guys are such terrible shots!\ |
| 243 | '''Guard:''' (''shooting in random directions'') Man, these guys are elusive! |
| 244 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "Cool Hand Peter" |
| 245 | |
| 246 | ->'''Stormtrooper 1:''' Have we ever hit anyone with these guns?\ |
| 247 | '''Stormtrooper 2:''' I hit a bird once. |
| 248 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuyPresentsLaughItUpFuzzball'', "Something Something Something Dark Side" |
| 249 | |
| 250 | ->'''Kanan:''' Wow, you really ''do'' shoot like a stormtrooper. Guess I don't have too much to worry about.\ |
| 251 | '''Rex''': It's this helmet. I can't see! |
| 252 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/StarWarsRebels'', "[[Recap/StarWarsRebelsS2E07StealthStrike Stealth Strike]]" |
| 253 | [[/folder]] |
| 254 | |
| 255 | [[folder:Other]] |
| 256 | ->''"The characters in these movies exist in a Twilight Zone where thousands of rounds of ammunition are fired, but no one ever gets shot unless the plot requires him to. The bullets have read the screenplay."'' |
| 257 | -->-- '''Creator/RogerEbert''' reviewing ''Film/TheBigHit'' |
| 258 | ->''"...I mean, heck, if you're one of Kadyrov's Chechens, you don't even have to shoot anyone. You can shoot at unoccupied buildings, trees, fields, you know, anything for the gram."'' |
| 259 | -->-- '''Perun''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMEpxX7rS5I documentary about ammo logistics]] for the 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine |
| 260 | [[/folder]] |
| 261 |
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