Line #15 Quotes/GermanicDepressives


1	[[foldercontrol]]
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3	[[folder: Comedy]]
4	->''"I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, 'Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?' And I said, 'Did you ever think [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarII you killed all the funny people]]?'"''
5	-->-- '''Creator/RobinWilliams''', ''Weapons of Self-Destruction''
6
7	->'''Q:''' [[LightbulbJoke How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?]]\
8	'''A:''' One. Germans are an efficient people with no use for frivolity.
9
10	->Germany! There's that stereotype and cliché again about Germans that they have no sense of humour, and they don't get jokes, and I was in Berlin for 4 days last year, and I can say with all honesty, ''holy shit'' is that true. Ho-lee ''shit''. And I'm not saying Germans are mean or unfriendly. They are very warm, sociable people, who ''[[PunctuatedForEmphasis do. Not. Get. Jokes.]]'' And it's like, it's like a ''Franchise/StarTrek'' planet where they're like, "Please have a comforting bowl of soup. What is this 'limerick' you speak of?" We landed at night, we're driving into Berlin. We pass a nightclub, and to decorate the outside of the nightclub, you know those little laser pointer things? Well, they pointed 4000 of them at the side of the nightclub, and they're all swirling around, creating this really cool visual effect, and we're driving by, and then I say, "[[LaserSight Oh, looks like all the snipers are out tonight.]]" Ha ha ha, right? Our driver says, "[[DontExplainTheJoke Zose are not sniper rifles at all. What is happening over zere is zat zey have taken many small laser pointers and pointed zem at ze side of ze building to create a visual effect.]]" That happened ''every time you told a joke''. Everything came to an ''ass-grinding halt''. They would explain how what you just said was not so, and then explain the reality '''''[[SuddenlySHOUTING EVERY FUCKING TIME!]]''''' The next day, we're walking around downtown Berlin, and if you've ever been there, there are these big, pink pipes that criss-cross overhead in the downtown area. We're walking by, and then I just say, "Oh yeah, I've read about these. These are the, uh, strudel pipes that pump all the fresh strudel filling into all the homes." ''[beat, then [[BlowingARaspberry blows long raspberry]]]'' Our guide... ''stops walking''... and says, "Zose pipes contain no strudel filling whatsoever. What zey are..." and then he spent ''ten minutes'' explaining how they ''pump seawater out of the aquifer '''WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?!''''' And then I realize, "Oh, it's the Holocaust! It's because of the Holocaust!" Any joke you make, they don't want it to lead to some snarky remark about the Holocaust, so they just nip it in the bud. I get it. If I was in ''any way'' connected to the Holocaust, all I would do is just step on jokes all day. That's all I would do. "No, zose are not sniper rifles. What zey have done is pointed many small laser pointers at ze nightclub to create an optical visual effect, but you see zat even if zey were sniper rifles, [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial zey are in no way pointed at any Jews.]] I zink it's very clear zat no Jews are being endangered over zere. It's very safe to be a Jew in Germany zese days." "Knock, knock!" ('''Audience:''' Who's there?) "Many Jews zat we have invited into our home, uh, to come and have a refreshment, maybe a cocktail, some snacks zat we have made zem, because it's great to be friends with Jews. We always like inviting zem over, because we love zem so much." "Why did ze chicken cross ze road?" ('''Audience:''' Why?) "To see all of ze Jews on ze other side! Oh, zere were so many Jews and zey were happy! Zey were not waiting for a truck or a train to take zem anywhere, zey were just enjoying ze nice spring day, and zey did not all fall onto ze chicken and tear it apart because zey were starving, zey just looked at ze chicken, zey all had a nice lunch earlier, because one zing you can count on it's zat it's very fun to be a Jew in Germany."
11	-->-- '''Creator/PattonOswalt''', ''Tragedy Plus Comedy Equals Time''
12	[[/folder]]
13
14	[[folder: Film]]
15	->'''Psychologist''': In terms of the mission, do you have any fears?\
16	'''Vogel''': Well, I'm German. We don't feel fear.
17	-->-- ''Film/TheMartian'', "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMHG3gRZ2ik Right Stuff]]"
18	[[/folder]]
19
20	[[folder: Live-Action TV]]
21	->''"She is famous for having the worst personality in Germany...and as you can imagine, that's up against some pretty stiff competition."''
22	-->-- '''Series/{{Blackadder}} the Third''' on Caroline of Brunswick
23
24	->'''von Gerhardt:''' Prepare foh ay [[FateWorseThanDeath fate vurs zan deth]], Hinglisch flyingk fellow!\
25	'''Blackadder:''' Ah, so it's the traditional warm German welcome, then.
26	-->-- ''Series/{{Blackadder}} Goes Forth''
27
28	->''"On Ian's team tonight is a German comedian who once did a show about the history of German humour. It was an hour long, with a 58-minute interval."''
29	-->-- '''Jeremy Clarkson''', ''Series/HaveIGotNewsForYou''
30
31	->''"[[PoirotSpeak ''Der ver zwei kleine peanuts, valking down der strasse, and one vas assaulted! ...peanut. Ohohohohoho.'']]"''
32	-->-- ''Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus''
33
34	->''"Emmanuel Macron called Trump "incoherent", and Angela Merkel said that Trump pulling out of the deal was "sobering and depressing." Although, to be fair, she is German, so everything is sobering and depressing to her."''
35	-->-- ''Series/TheDailyShowWithTrevorNoah''
36
37	->'''Nazi Leader:''' It’s good to see everyone here again.
38	->'''Nazi 1:''' nods
39	->'''Nazi 2:''' nods, smiles slightly
40	->'''Nazi 3:''' nods
41	->'''Nazi Leader:''' Well, enough with all those emotional outpourings!
42	-->-- ''Series/TheJewsAreComing''
43
44	[[/folder]]
45
46	[[folder: Radio]]
47	->"Who sayz zer Germans hef no sense von humour?"
48	->"Just about eferybody, I zink."
49	-->-- '''Two German soldiers''', ''Radio/TheGoonShow''
50
51	->''"We turn now to Henning Wehn. Henning is one of a number of German comedians - that number being "one"."''
52	-->-- '''Creator/{{David Mitchell\|Actor}}''', ''Radio/TheUnbelievableTruth'' (series 8, episode 2)
53	[[/folder]]
54
55	[[folder: Theatre]]
56
57	->'''Nicky:''''' "Schadenfreude", huh? What's that, some kind of [[ThoseWackyNazis Nazi]] word?\
58	'''Gary:''' Yep. It's German for "Happiness at the misfortune of others!\
59	'''Nicky:''' Happiness at the misfortune of others'... That '''is''' German!
60	-->-- ''Theatre/AvenueQ''
61
62	->''"You know the funny thing about Hermann? There's nothing funny about Hermann!"''
63	-->--'''The MC''', ''Theatre/{{Cabaret}}''
64
65	[[/folder]]
66
67	[[folder: Western Animation]]
68	->''"We Germans aren't all smiles und sunshine."''
69	-->-- '''Horst''', ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'', "Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk"
70	[[/folder]]
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Context Quotes / GermanicDepressives