Line #54 Quotes/GagPenis


1	->''I take a look at my enormous penis\
2	And my troubles start a-meltin' away\
3	I take a look at my enormous penis\
4	And the happy times are comin' to stay\
5	I gotta sing and dance when I glance in my pants\
6	And the feeling's like a sunshiney day\
7	I take a look at my enormous pe-e-e-nis\
8	And everything is goin' my way''
9	-->--'''Da Vinci's Notebook''', ''Enormous Penis''
10
11	->''"Take about five dozen eggs, start putting them in a bowl, mix the FUCK out of them and what do you get? '''PENIS!'''"''
12	-->-- ''WebAnimation/AwesomeSeries'', "Awesome Man"
13
14	->"You hear those dick pill ads, and they’re all like, 'If you have an erection lasting for more than four hours, consult a doctor.' It should read: 'If you have an erection lasting for more than four hours, consult a bunch of sexy ladies and high-five your penis!'\
15	\
16	You ever read mythology? Look back at those old gods and you’ll see ‘em sporting dangerous, unholy wood. Their cocks are basically baseball bats studded with thorns and snaked with vines and tipped with antlers—it’s erectile divinity. We could all only aspire to have that in real life.\
17	\
18	Well, in the World of Darkness, you can. You can be a werewolf with a giant mythic erection. You can be a vampire with a majestic pale pillar of undead man-meat. You can be a Promethean with a hundred turgid wangs stitched together to create an uber-wang crackling with nascent electricity.\
19	\
20	Your tumescence is legendary."
21	-->--'''[[TabletopGame/NewWorldOfDarkness World of Darkness]]''', ''Dudes of Legend''
22
23	-> ''"Even you won't be able to [[DoubleEntendre beat off]] this magnificent schlong."''
24	-->--'''The Terminal Guardian''', ''VideoGame/ShinMegamiTenseiIV'', as he summons Mara
25
26	->When ''Oedipus'' appeared at London’s National Theatre in 1968, the set was decorated by a gigantic golden phallus 30 feet high. Actress Carol Browne saw it and commented, “Well it’s no-one I know.” Another giant phallus (beige this time) was used in a 1979 production of Aristophanes’ ''Lysistrata'' staged in Cambridge, Massachusetts USA. Mid-way through the opening performance the wires supporting the phallus gave way and, as if in a symbolic gesture, it fell right across the stage knocking the leading lady to the ground.
27	-->From '''Great Theatrical Disasters''' by Glyes Brandret.
28
29	->''Tary is examining a [[ItMakesSenseInContext naked portrait]] of [[TheBigGuy Grog]] that his RobotBuddy Doty drew:''\
30	'''Tary:''' Doty, [Pike] said ''realism.''\
31	* ''Doty nods''*\
32	'''Tary:''' ''Really?''\
33	* ''Doty nods again''*\
34	'''Tary:''' How does he ''walk?''\
35	'''Percy:''' With confidence and pride.
36	-->--''WebVideo/CriticalRole''
37
38	->'''[[ButtMonkey Jerry:]]''' Okay, so now you're sure that everything is okay, you know, down there?\
39	'''Dr. Harris:''' You're perfectly healthy. ''(cutaway)'' That man has the largest penis I have ever seen. I actually don't even know if he has mumps. Forgot to look. I was distracted. By the ''largest penis'' I have ''ever'' seen.
40	-->--''Series/ParksAndRecreation''
41
42	->'''Lois:''' What's wrong, honey?
43	->'''Peter:''' I'll tell you what's wrong: I'm trying to make love to you [[ParentalIncest and you're thinking about Chris!]]
44	->'''Lois:''' Peter, i-is there something you need to tell me?
45	->'''Peter:''' Thanks to you, our son has a huge wang!
46	->'''Lois:''' Thanks to ''me?''
47	->'''Peter:''' Well, he didn't get it from me!
48	->'''Lois:''' What are you talking about?!
49	->'''Peter:''' I'll ''show'' you.
50	->''(they go into Chris' room while he's asleep)''
51	->'''Peter:''' Alright, stand back, Lois. ''(lifts up the covers)''
52	->'''Lois:''' ''Oh my.'' Well, no wonder he's always slouching.
53	->'''Peter:''' How the hell did this happen? ''I'm'' supposed to be the man of the house! You must be so ashamed of me.
54	->'''Lois:''' Oh, Peter, I care as much about the size of your penis as you care about the size of my breasts.
55	->'''Peter:''' [[ComplimentBackfire OH MY GOD!]]
56	-->--''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'', "And the Wiener Is..."
57
58	->"It appears that Proton broke out of his cell using the hardest substance in the universe...his penis! Then he clubbed the sentries unconscious with his enormous donger, blocked the entrance to the guard quarters with heavy furniture, and used his jockstrap as an improvised catapult to fling himself over the prison walls and into the Golden Jungle."
59	-->-- ''[[Film/TheAdventuresOfCaptainProton Captain Proton]] and the Planet of Lesbians''
60
61	->'''Krillin:''' I'm surprised you knew I'd be here.
62	->'''Android 18:''' Seemed like the obvious pick.
63	->'''Krillin:''' True! So, um... [[InnocentInnuendo What can I do you for?]]
64	->'''Android 18:''' [[IfWeSurviveThis I made a promise to myself]], [[GladToBeAliveSex and I'm gonna keep it.]]
65	->'''Krillin:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Wanna see a movie, or...?]]
66	->'''Android 18:''' Dude. ''Drop your pants.''
67	->'''Krillin:''' Oh, OH! O-Okay! But, um, j-j-just a heads up. I'm a grower.
68	->''(sound of unzipping, followed by a loud "THUMP" sound)''
69	->'''Android 18:''' [[BigOMG Oh. My. GOD.]]
70	->'''Krillin:''' What?
71	->'''Android 18:''' Get on the bed.
72	->'''Krillin:''' YES, MA'AM!
73	->''(The [[RunningGagged Krillin Owned Count drops by one]] ''and keeps dropping'')''
74	-->--''WebVideo/DragonBallZAbridged'' episode 60
75
76	->''There was a young man from East Kent\
77	Whose tool was so long that it bent.\
78	To save her the trouble\
79	He folded it double\
80	and instead of coming, he went.''
81	-->-- '''Limerick'''
82
83	->''My dick so big, it needs its own\
84	My dick so big, it lives next door\
85	My dick so big, that all I want\
86	Is fuck the world (is fuck the world)\
87	My dick so big, it touches the sky\
88	I check it as luggage when I fly\
89	My dick so big, it's behind you\
90	It follows you, it follows you''
91	-->-- '''Music/LittleBig''', "Big Dick"
92
93	->'''Izzy:''' Noah, you're hung like an elephant seal. I could give birth right now and not notice.\
94	'''Noah:''' I didn't ask to be born like this.
95	-->-- ''Webcomic/EnnuiGo''
96
97	->As we all know, the size of a man's manhood is generally in proportion to his shoe size, and ''inversely'' proportional to the size of his vehicle. Clowns have riduculously large shoes and ridiculously tiny cars, hence the need for baggy pants.\
98	"Ridiculously" is the key word, though. Clown shoes and clown cars are not practical. A "clown penis", therefore, is a penis that may be esthetically pleasing, but is too large or unwieldy to be of any practical use.
99	-->-- Creator/{{Tailsteak}}
100
101	->Nobody's dick's that long, not even Long Dick Johnson, and he had a fucking long dick. [[ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin Hence, the name]].
102	-->-- '''Rose of Sharon Cassidy''', ''VideoGame/FalloutNewVegas''
103
104	->''There was an old man from Nantucket\
105	whose dick was so long he could suck it.\
106	While wiping his chin\
107	He said with a grin\
108	"If my ear was a cunt, I could fuck it."''
109	-->-- '''{{Limerick}}'''
110
111	->''Twelve-foot what?!''
112	-->-- '''Agent Steven Fontwell''', ''WebOriginal/ProtectorsOfThePlotContinuum'', "How Will I Clean My Fur?"
113
114	->''"Goddamn. Brother's got a love sausage."''
115	-->-- '''Mother's Milk''', on Love Sausage, ''Series/TheBoys2019''
116
117	->''IT COULD GET ON DISNEYLAND ATTRACTIONS BY ITSELF.''
118	-->--[[https://fanficrants.livejournal.com/1798922.html This]] Livejournal thread, discussing a ''Harry Potter'' fanfic in which Draco Malfoy inexplicably had a 42-inch penis
119
120	->'''Tucker:''' ''Also'' can we talk about that thing's dong?\
121	'''Wash:''' What?\
122	'''Church:''' Yeah, I echo that sentiment. What the actual fuck, Tucker?\
123	'''Tucker:''' Well, it was on top of me and it kept like smacking against my armor--it's fucking huge! I mean, look at it!\
124	'''Wash:''' ''[briefly glances before shaking his head]'' Absolutely not! This conversation is ending now.\
125	'''Church:''' ''[staring]'' Fuck, glad Tex isn't here to see this.
126	-->-- ''Fanfic/RecoveryNone''
127
128	->Without a word, part of the holographic screen changed. Now it showed a view evidently from the nose of an aerial pursuer. A purple worm-like creature was floating over the ocean, with two bright pink appendages trailing from what appeared to be its arms. Its head was what drew Shinji's attention. Pink and bulbous, it looked like...\
129	"Is this a joke?" Misato muttered, unamused. "Did some fraternity stunt get loose? That looks exactly like a-"\
130	"It's definitely an Angel," Ritsuko interrupted. "The phallic appearance is likely entirely coincidental."
131	-->-- ''Fanfic/ReadTheFinePrintEvangelion''
132
133	->''On this day, Kiri had the terror of running from something bigger and stronger than him beaten into his brain. He fled because of his weakness, but, as he ran, he began to think. He realized that strength came from standing one's ground. Continuing to face the opponent, no matter how mighty he may be. He saw that strength in his father. He then thought of his sister, who would be facing down this beast in the near future, and in him arose a deep sense of respect.''
134	-->--''Manga/UzakiChanWantsToHangOut''
135

Context Quotes / GagPenis