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1[[foldercontrol]]
2
3[[folder:Film -- Live-Action]]
4
5->"Out there beyond that fence, every living thing that crawls, flies, or squats in the mud wants to kill you and [[CutHisHeartOutWithASpoon eat your eyes for jujubes.]]"
6-->-- '''Col. Miles Quaritch''', ''Film/{{Avatar}}''
7
8->"Holy shit! What a dream I was having! Music/LouisArmstrong was trying to kill me!"
9-->-- '''Mrs. Lift,''' ''Film/ThrowMommaFromTheTrain''
10
11->"You think monkeys, mosquitoes, and lions are bad? That's just the beginning. I've seen things you've only seen in your nightmares. Things you can't even imagine. Things you can't even ''see.'' There are things that hunt you in the night. Then something screams. Then you hear them ''eating,'' and you hope to God that you're not dessert. Afraid? You don't even know what afraid is..."
12-->-- '''Alan Parrish''', ''Film/{{Jumanji}}''
13
14[[/folder]]
15
16[[folder:Literature]]
17
18->''He will be a wild donkey of a man; his hand will be against everyone and everyone's hand against him, and he will live in hostility toward all his brothers.''
19-->-- '''Angel of the LORD''' to '''Hagar''' about '''Ishmael''', ''Literature/TheBible'', [[Literature/BookOfGenesis Genesis 16:12]] (New International Version)
20
21->''All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and when they catch you, they will kill you... but first they must catch you.''
22-->-- '''Literature/WatershipDown'''
23
24->''Deadly poison nerve gas smoke was sprayed at me from CIGARS, CIGARETTES and even from BALL-POINT PENS also from the WIG of a woman sitting next to me, even the Swiss cheese-type ice cubes were evaporating into poison nerve gas smoke in all of the "free" drinks!''
25-->--Creator/FrancisEDec, [[http://www.bentoandstarchky.com/dec/toalljudges.htm "To all Judges!"]]
26
27[[/folder]]
28
29[[folder:Live Action TV]]
30
31->''People think I'm crazy 'cause I worry all the time\
32[[ProperlyParanoid You paid attention, you'd be worried too]]\
33You better pay attention or this world you love so much\
34''Might just kill you''\
35'Cause it's a jungle out there''
36-->--''Series/{{Monk}}'' theme song
37
38->'''Soolin:''' But one thing I do know; if you want to survive on this planet you have to assume that everyone is out to get you.
39->'''[[ButtMonkey Vila]]:''' I always assume that wherever I go.
40->'''Soolin:''' The difference is, on Gauda Prime you'll be right!
41-->-- ''Series/BlakesSeven'', "Blake"
42
43->''Hear me, John. It won’t matter if we’re 200 or 2,000 miles from safe water: If the leads close up and we are out there in it, we’ll have no idea where the current will move the pack of which we will be a part. We could be forced to the shallows on the weather side of King William and crushed to atoms, if we’re even upright by then. As a trusted friend once put it: This place wants us dead.''
44-->--'''Francis Crozier''' on ''Series/TheTerror''
45
46[[/folder]]
47
48[[folder:Music]]
49
50->''There is only death and danger\
51In the sockets of my eyes\
52A playground of illusion\
53No one plays until they die''
54-->--"99 Ways to Die", '''{{Music/MEGADETH}}'''
55
56[[/folder]]
57
58[[folder:Newspapers]]
59
60->''Superior, Ariz., is the original town without pity. During the course of his brief stay there, Bobby will be kicked in the ribs several dozen times, almost be bitten by a tarantula, shot at, and have his car all but destroyed--and that's all before the final scenes with the vultures circling overhead. Bobby comes across almost like a character in a computer game; you wipe him out, he falls down, [[CirclingBirdies stars spin around his head]], and then he jumps up again, ready for action.''
61-->--'''Creator/RogerEbert''' on ''Film/UTurn''
62
63->''In Nintendo you control a little man who runs around the screen trying to stay alive while numerous powerful and inexplicably hostile forces try to kill him. It's [[BrooklynRage a lot like New York.]]''
64-->-- '''Creator/DaveBarry'''
65
66[[/folder]]
67
68[[folder:Tabletop Games]]
69
70->''Even when the battlefield gives us every advantage, it is still part of the universe. And this universe, never forget, despises us.''
71-->-- '''[[Literature/SoulDrinkers Daenyathos- "The Reliquerae Tactica"]]''', ''TabletopGame/{{Warhammer 40000}}''
72
73->''Each piece of the [[WarIsHell realm of battle]] constantly fights to obliterate the others. Each acts like a living servant of [[WarGod Khorne]], wanting to prove to the master of the land that it is the most worthy of his rewards. A visitor to this nightmare realm would surely be driven mad, knowing that every rock, every breeze, and every drop of what should be water is an enemy, looking to kill him with just as much purpose, desire, and violence as the multitudinous Daemons of the Blood ''God inhabiting the land.
74-->--''TabletopGame/BlackCrusade: The Tome Of Blood''
75
76[[/folder]]
77
78[[folder:Video Games]]
79
80->''Precept Fifty-One: 'Nothing is Harmless'. Given the chance, everything in this world will hurt you. Friends, foes, monsters, uneven paths. Be suspicious of them all.''
81-->-- The fifty-seven precepts of [[FakeUltimateHero Zote]], ''VideoGame/HollowKnight''
82
83->''An animated globule of molten lava, OUT TO DESTROY YOU FOR SOME REASON. Truly, EVERYTHING is out to get you. That's what you'' get for being a protagonist!
84-->-- '''Lava Blob [[MonsterCompendium description]]''', ''Videogame/{{MARDEK}} Chapter III''
85
86->[[AC:The floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it.]]
87-->-- '''[=GlaDOS=],''' ''VideoGame/{{Portal}}''
88
89->[[AC:R.I.P Player, killed by elementary physics]]
90-->-- One of many ''VideoGame/NetHack'' death messages.
91
92->''I've begun to find a dark humor in the absolute overkill I face. This is simply ridiculous.''
93-->--'''The Monster Log''' on [[{{Golem}} the Colossus]], ''VideoGame/RiskOfRain''
94
95->'''Sandman:''' You should know Uncle Sam's got a Kill/Capture order on your head.\
96'''Price:''' Tell 'em to join the bloody queue.
97-->-- ''VideoGame/CallOfDuty: VideoGame/ModernWarfare 3''
98
99->''...The other day I was chased down a hallway by a giant cube with the word AVOID on it. These security measures go too far!''
100-->-- A terminal in ''VideoGame/{{VVVVVV}}''
101
102->''"Is it just me, or is everything in this place trying to kill us?"''
103-->-- '''[=SpongeBob=]''', ''VideoGame/SpongeBobSquarePantsTheCosmicShake''
104
105->''"Don't let the beauty of this place fool you. Even the flowers would see you dead."''
106-->-- '''House Haillenarte Knight''' in Camp Cloudtop, ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyXIV Heavensward''
107
108[[/folder]]
109
110[[folder:Web Animation]]
111
112->"When ''I'' was a kid, we played games where we had one life and every bird, insect and ''blade of grass'' was trying to murder you."
113-->--'''''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation''''' on ''VideoGame/MarioAndLuigiBowsersInsideStory''
114
115[[/folder]]
116
117[[folder:Webcomics]]
118
119->'''Abner:''' She used to be run by a dwarf named Kurtz, but he was killed by some bad clams.\
120'''Krosp:''' Clams?\
121'''Abner:''' Yes, they had axes.
122-->-- ''Webcomic/GirlGenius''
123
124->'''Othar Tryggvassen:''' Ha! It'll take more than being tied to a lit keg of explosives and tossed into a pit of acid filled with mutant, acid-resistant flying piranhas equipped with flame throwers and battle-axes while mechanical, missile-launching morris dancers armed with liquid nitrogen harpoon guns are overhead, riding giant, rabid killer bees with side mounted death rays to kill '''Othar Tryggvassen'''!\
125'''Ferretina:''' Whoops! Silly me, I forgot to turn the ''lightning generators'' on!\
126'''Othar:''' Er, not a ''whole lot'' more, I'll admit...
127-->-- Turning the above up to eleven, ''Webcomic/GirlGenius''
128
129-> '''Zola "Heterodyne":''' [[http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20070725 Avoid any floorstone]] marked in ''white''. It is a trap that will kill you. Do not stand under any part of the ceiling marked in ''white''. It is a trap that will kill you. ''Duck'' under any opening taller than ''one meter''. It is a trap that will kill you. Do not touch ''any'' metal surface. It is a trap that will kill you.\
130'''Mook 1:''' Are you ''trying'' to frighten us?\
131'''Zola:''' ''[[ProperlyParanoid Yes!]]'' This place is dangerous, twisted, and worst of all--\
132'''Mook 2:''' Hey, a gold piece! ''[screams as a pit opens underneath him and he drops out of sight]''\
133'''Zola:''' It likes to think it has a ''sense of humor''.
134-->-- ''Webcomic/GirlGenius'', inside the [[MalevolentArchitecture Castle Heterodyne]]
135
136->'''Sam:''' Before [[StarfishAliens I got a complete environment suit]], I made a list of everything that's tried to eat me. ''(hands Winston a data slab)''\
137'''Winston:''' ''Dogs. Cats. RodentsOfUnusualSize. Rodents of usual size. Birds, including humming. [[ExpospeakGag Papilio rutulus]].'' [[DoubleTake Papilio rutulus]]? Is that correct?\
138'''Sam:''' Technically, [[WorseWithContext it was the caterpillars that found me tasty]], but yeah, I made a species of butterfly [[AscendedToCarnivorism go carnivorous]].
139-->-- ''Webcomic/{{Freefall}}''
140
141->'''Scott:''' Look out for that truck. It'll kill you.\
142'''Missy:''' Okay.\
143'''Scott:''' Look out for that dog. It'll kill you.\
144'''Missy:''' Is there anything in this game that can't kill you?\
145'''Scott:''' Not that I've found. Look out for that shrub.
146-->--[[http://basicinstructions.net/basic-instructions/2009/11/15/how-to-play-video-games-together.html Scott and Missy playing a video game together,]] ''Webcomic/BasicInstructions''.
147
148[[/folder]]
149
150[[folder:Web Original]]
151->''You skate around town to various skating parks after earning enough points to get tickets in. You are also randomly:\
152Mowed down by cars.\
153Mowed down by motorcycles.\
154Mowed down by invisible skeletons.\
155Mowed down by bodybuilders.\
156Mowed down by frisbees thrown by steroidal transsexuals.\
157Interestingly, none of these things kill you. You take a stumble and get back on the board. What does kill you?\
158Killer bees that are released if you take too long.''
159-->-- '''El Sandifer''' [[http://projectnes.blogspot.com/2009/10/serenity-to-accept-things-i-cannot.html on]] ''720'' (Platform/{{NES}})
160
161->''Young ass gamers these days don’t know how hard we had it. They think they have it hard when they have to complete a mission by killing 45 bad guys with nothing but 1 gun and they have to do it in 30 seconds. We had to dodge 1-bit cars! Get off my 1-bit lawn!''
162-->-- '''[[http://dlisted.com/2015/07/22/hot-slut-of-the-day-709/ Michael K.]]''' on ''[[Platform/Commodore64 Trashman]]''
163
164->''There is one thing ''Shada'' does that is extremely original though. If you try to leave a given area without having completed all the tasks required there, a character approaches and blocks the path to the next area, informing you of the error of your ways. You then instantly die! Incredible idea, imagine playing like ''Franchise/TheLegendOfZelda'' or a ''Franchise/DragonAge'' game or something where you just spontaneously combust when you talk to someone. Welcome to ''Maka Hakkenden Shada.
165-->-- '''[[http://www.hardcoregaming101.net/kusoge/kusoge-mhshada.htm Chris Rasa]]''' on ''Makai Hakkenden Shada''
166
167->''Because if [[TabletopGame/DungeonsAndDragons D&D]] has taught me anything, it has taught me that my laundry is just waiting to stab me in the face whenever I let my guard down.''
168-->-- '''[[http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article95.htm Celebrating 30+ Years of Stupid Monsters: Part Two]]'''
169
170->''Survival rule 502: Every hunk of rock is trying to kill you.''
171-->-- '''[[http://www.wizards.com/Magic/Magazine/Article.aspx?x=mtg/daily/stf/69 Zurdi, goblin shortcutter]]'''
172
173->''[[Franchise/MyLittlePony Dream Valley]] is constantly out to kill you. It's like [[UsefulNotes/AustralianWildlife Australia]], [[Series/BuffyTheVampireSlayer Sunnydale]] and TabletopGame/{{Ravenloft}} met at an orgy, and spawned this aberration, then woke up in the morning and freaked out when they realized [[Franchise/CareBears Care-A-Lot]] and [[PrincessClassic Disneyland]] had also participated.''
174-->-- '''[[http://forum.rpg.net/showthread.php?p=11448858#post11448858 Where I Watch: My Little Pony]]''', post #72
175
176->''This brings up the first issue I have with D&D: There is no hope for you if you exist in this world. Nothing can be trusted. If [[KillerGameMaster the game master wants to kill you]], you're dead.''
177-->--- Head Injury Theater, [[http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article73.htm CELEBRATING 30 YEARS OF VERY STUPID MONSTERS.]]
178
179->''Between the deserts, the natural disasters, and all the venomous things that will kill you by accident, Australia is like Earth’s hard mode.''
180-->-- [[http://www.pajiba.com/miscellaneous/5-shows-after-dark-42413.php Genevieve Burgess]] of Website/{{Pajiba}}
181
182->For this game he had created a hybrid damage system that combined the standard D&D hit point system with the Arduin Grimoire critical hit chart and the infamous Rolemaster critical damage tables. And he used this table for any kind of injury whatsoever for players and [=NPCs=] alike. In doing so he created a desolate, blood soaked ruin of a world where carpenters died from complications of bruising their thumbs, people picking at hangnails had their flesh suddenly fall away from their bones in wet red strips and mothers in childbirth frequently detonated.
183-->-- ''{{Literature/Binder Of Shame}}''
184[[/folder]]
185
186[[folder:Web Video]]
187->''Oh my god, here comes a [[ThreateningShark shark]] and it's gonna kill you\
188Oh my god, look out for the [[ElectricJellyfish jellyfish]], they're gonna kill you\
189Oh my god, the [[StalactiteSpite rocks a-falling]], they're gonna kill you\
190Hey look out, you're [[OxygenMeter almost out of oxygen]], it's gonna kill you\
191Oh my god, I can't believe that ''that'' could kill you\
192Oh my god, I can't touch a bubble, that'll kill you''
193-->-- '''[[Website/ChannelAwesome That Chick with the Goggles]]''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqHvRhDlqjg singing ]]about ''[[VideoGame/EccoTheDolphin Ecco]]: Tides of Time''
194
195->"I won't rest until every man, woman, child, and insect is after 'im!"
196-->-- ''WebVideo/DrJekyllAndMrHydeTheGameTheMovie''
197
198->"Everything kills you with only one hit: the dragon, the fireball, the moat, '''the door!''' But [[GoddamnedBats the bat just takes away a tiny bit of life]] from-- [double take] ...your life bar. Yeah, that's right. You have a life bar. I didn't even notice, but ''what's the point?'' Because everything that hits you, [[OneHitPointWonder it kills you instantly!]]"
199-->-- '''WebVideo/TheAngryVideoGameNerd''' on ''VideoGame/DragonsLair'' (NES)
200
201->"Geez, wouldn't this be a good reason to call off the wedding? I mean, he has had ''quite'' a day. Wonder how the bride's been doing? She's probably worried about, I dunno, her dress or the color of the fucking flowers or some shit. Next thing, the groom shows up covered in [[AshFace bomb ashes]] and [[CoveredInGunge bird shit.]] 'Sorry, honey, I'm late! I had quite a day. '''All living creatures in the whole fucking town tried to kill me, that's all!'''[='=] What makes him think the church is gonna be any better? [[BadassPreacher Is the priest gonna throw candles at him?]] Is Jesus gonna [[KungFuJesus climb off the fucking cross and start hittin' him with it?]]"
202-->-- '''The Angry Video Game Nerd''' on ''VideoGame/DrJekyllAndMrHydeNES''
203
204->"Who's back there rolling tires?! Get a life! How about the lawnmower? The remote-controlled cars? The breakdancer? Yeah, he's breakdancing all by himself on the sidewalk. Is it ''[[DanceOff a challenge?]]'' Did I ''get served?'' What's ''this?'' [[DoNotTouchTheFunnelCloud A tornado or the Tasmanian fuckin' Devil?]] If there's a tornado coming through town, I think the residents have bigger issues than not getting their papers."
205-->-- '''The Angry Video Game Nerd''' on ''{{VideoGame/Paperboy}}''
206
207->"Does Mr. Wilson's house have some sort of poltergeist? An infinite number of records are flying off the record player. Teacups, bowling balls, boxing gloves, and even suppositories try to kill you. He also owns a million [[AmazingTechnicolorWildlife purple cats]]. The Series/TigerKing's got nothing on ''him''."
208-->-- '''The Angry Video Game Nerd''' on ''Film/DennisTheMenace'' (SNES)
209
210->"Why is the entire hotel trying to kill me?! I mean, they have a bunch of fuckin' [[CartoonBomb bombs]] behind the check-in desks! I mean, do they ''hate'' [[ChildHater their child customers]] so much that they have to lob lobby bombs at them? And yes, that was pretty hard to say!"
211-->-- '''Creator/MacaulayCulkin''' on ''Film/HomeAlone2LostInNewYork'' for SNES
212
213->[[DangerousWorkplace WHY IS THE BUILDING TRYING TO KILL ME?]]
214-->-- '''[[VideoGame/HalfLife Gordon Freeman]]''', ''WebVideo/FreemansMind''
215
216->"You go back to your castle to find your father dead, and your house is infested--[[NotMakingThisUpDisclaimer I'm not kidding]]--by ''feral cats''. Nuthin' but. And these cats will kick your fuckin' ass, I swear to God. These things have a 30 ft horizontal leap and they go ''right for your balls'', man."
217-->-- '''[[WebVideo/TheSpoonyExperiment Noah Antwiler]]''' on ''Film/RobinHoodPrinceOfThieves'' (NES}
218
219-> '''Yugi:''' It's as though nature itself is just randomly trying to kill us!\
220'''Tristan:''' [[Film/TheHappening M. Night Shyamalan was right!]]
221-->-- ''WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries''
222
223->"This girl falls over everything. Cracks in the cement! Tiny tufts of grass in the sidewalk! ''Sand particles''. --OOHH, she made it over the chalk on the floor. Gotta be honest: didn't expect her to clear that one."
224-->-- '''WebVideo/JonTron''' plays ''California Games''
225
226->Let's worry about more important matters, like why does the fire department want you dead?
227-->-- '''Mike Fireball''' on ''VideoGame/TheSimpsons''
228
229->"Platforms aren't supposed to kill you! Platforms are your friend, Colordreams!"
230-->-- '''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7Lbgrdf3WA stanburdman]]''' on ''Robodemons''
231
232->''Stop trying to kill me!'' Pizza is supposed to be delicious, not '''murderous!'''
233-->-- '''LetsPlay/DeceasedCrab''', LetsPlay ''VideoGame/PanicRestaurant''
234
235->''So what kind of threats are we dealing with? Oh, I dunno, '''everything!'''''
236-->-- '''WebVideo/SomeCallMeJohnny''', on ''VideoGame/GhostsNGoblins''
237
238->'''Grizz:''' ''(hiding in a dirt mound)'' This is ''not'' smart...\
239'''Slime:''' Yeah, we'll probably be hit by a fucking orbital laser, Grizz, I'll be honest!
240-->-- ''LetsPlay/{{Slimecicle}}'', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0wUxYxz33M Minecraft, but it's way more traumatizing]]
241
242->'''Tommy:''' Are we safe here?\
243'''LetsPlay/{{Slimecicle}}:''' ''NO'', we're not - FOR LESSON ONE; we're not safe ''ANYWHERE'' man.
244-->-- [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohrhxTLvfds "I Survived Minecraft's Hardest Mod..."]], ''WebVideo/TheFunniestMinecraftVideosEver''
245
246->''"What if you're playin' ''VideoGame/{{Minecraft}}'', a cute little sheep comes up to ya, '''and eats your flesh.'''\
247"I'm being attacked by Old [=MacDonald=]'s entire farm!"\
248"How is a pork chop almost killing me?"\
249"I was killed by the stuff chickens eat!"\
250"Our final boss could be a bunch of random crap from a chest."\
251"We start our adventure, and a damn armada of pigs..."\
252"You have to watch out for bunny rabbits. Bunny rabbits are vicious."\
253"You wanna know why we stay in deserts? No seeds!"\
254"You can only fight so much cobblestone before you go insane."''
255-->-- '''Lazarbeam''', [[https://youtu.be/9kIZ2LkiigI MINECRAFT but EVERYTHING KILLS YOU]].
256
257->''Adventure awaits in Hisui\
258Such a fresh change of pace for the Franchise/{{Pokemon}} series\
259Open worlds and hills to climb\
260Set in [[VideoGame/PokemonDiamondAndPearl Sinnoh]], but back in a different time\
261Watch the Wurmples graze the grass (Wow!)\
262Stare into the mountain pass\
263Look at that Rapidash… [[OhCrap wait…]]\
264[[MoodWhiplash It wants to kick my ass!?]]''
265
266->''Suddenly, I'm on the run!\
267Jumped into this plannin' for excitement and fun!\
268But these things can disembowel!\
269How'm I s'posed to fight a bolder with a tiny freakin' owl!?\
270Gettin' burned and paralyzed\
271Is a painful new surprise!\
272Is that hippo lookin' at me…\
273[[RedEyesTakeWarning With glowing red eyes?]]''
274
275->''I wanted to bе the very best\
276[[ScrewThisImOuttaHere Now I just wanna leave un-concussed!]]\
277To not die is my real test\
278To catch them is a plus!\
279And I know [[DarkerAndEdgier it's a more realistic take]]\
280But when my skeleton breaks\
281From some Machoke's bullet punch\
282I feel real pain inside my brain and [[LiteralMetaphor lose my lunch!]]''
283-->-- [[https://youtu.be/m-JEeKeH-As?feature=shared "Legendary Beatdown"]] by '''Music/RecD''' (based on ''VideoGame/PokemonLegendsArceus'')
284[[/folder]]

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