| 1 | [[foldercontrol]] |
| 2 | |
| 3 | [[folder:Anime and Manga]] |
| 4 | ->'''Chiyo''': Um... since Yukari-sensei's car looks a bit more spacious, why not put three people over there?\ |
| 5 | '''Nyamo''': [[DeadpanSnarker Isn't it better for fewer people to die?]] |
| 6 | -->-- ''Manga/AzumangaDaioh'' |
| 7 | |
| 8 | ->B-but... we ain't afraid of no rollercoasters no more. |
| 9 | -->-- '''Osaka''' after her very first ride with [[TropeCodifier Yukari]], ''Manga/AzumangaDaioh'' |
| 10 | |
| 11 | ->Yukari-sensei, stop. Stop the car. Drive like a normal person. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for every bad thing I ever did. I don't want to die. (''trembling'') Noooo... look out for the poor old man... (''in tears'') ''run for your life!!'' |
| 12 | -->-- '''Chiyo''' has some PTSD, ''Manga/AzumangaDaioh'' |
| 13 | |
| 14 | ->'''Kagura''': So what is this Yukarimobile thing?\ |
| 15 | '''Tomo''': Well, Chiyo-chan rode in it last year and was deeply psychologically scarred for life.\ |
| 16 | '''Kagura''': Was it that bad, Chiyo-chan?\ |
| 17 | '''Chiyo''': Huh? Oh, no, [[PerfectlyCromulentWord neow]] I'm ''completely'' fine. ''(starts to descend into a PTSD episode)''\ |
| 18 | '''Kagura''': "[[ObviouslyNotFine Neow]]"? Does she speed or something?\ |
| 19 | '''Chiyo''': She doesn't speed that much, but there are times she goes too fast, and other times incredibly slow. Miss Yukari really should check her sides more often... and behind... please, Miss Yukari, please look behind you too... and sometimes I get the feeling she doesn't see the traffic lights or pedestrians...\ |
| 20 | '''Kagura''': So basically, she's totally no good at it.\ |
| 21 | '''Tomo and Yomi''': ''(nodding in unison)'' Mm-hmm. |
| 22 | -->-- ''Manga/AzumangaDaioh'' |
| 23 | |
| 24 | ->'''Kagura''': That's the car that psychologically scarred Chiyo-chan two years ago.\ |
| 25 | '''Kaorin''': '''[[OhCrap P-Psychologically scarred?!]]'''\ |
| 26 | ''(As Kaorin freezes in complete panic, the other girls, realizing somebody seems to be missing, slowly turn their heads to look at Nyamo's car)''\ |
| 27 | '''Osaka''': Ah! Chiyo-chan already made it safe to Miss Nyamo's car!\ |
| 28 | '''Kaorin''': What kind of driving are we talking about?! |
| 29 | -->-- ''Manga/AzumangaDaioh'' |
| 30 | |
| 31 | ->'''Kaorin''': '''WHAT?! WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE?!!!!'''\ |
| 32 | '''Yukari''': 'Kay, that was really weird. Oh?\ |
| 33 | '''Kaorin''': '''WHAT IS IT?!'''\ |
| 34 | ''(the car is set to reverse)''\ |
| 35 | '''Yukari''': Sorry, I must have been in reverse, huh?\ |
| 36 | '''Tomo''': Man, you're so bad, Yukari.\ |
| 37 | '''Yukari''': ''(chuckles)''\ |
| 38 | '''Kaorin''': ''(whimpers and [[ColorFailure turns completely white]])'' |
| 39 | -->-- ''Manga/AzumangaDaioh'' |
| 40 | |
| 41 | ->'''Tomo''': Hey! What'd you stop for?!\ |
| 42 | '''Tomo and Yukari''': Loser! Loser!\ |
| 43 | '''Kaorin''': ''(frantically pointing at the traffic light)'' '''IT'S ''RED''!!!!!''' |
| 44 | -->-- ''Manga/AzumangaDaioh'' |
| 45 | |
| 46 | ->”Watch! I can even close my eyes and let your screams guide me!” |
| 47 | -->--'''Italy''' driving '''Japan''', ''Webcomic/HetaliaAxisPowers'' |
| 48 | |
| 49 | ->''"Hot Shot, why do I have to practice my driving? Hey! Did Kicker say I was a lousy driver or something?! Hot Shot!"'' |
| 50 | -->-- '''Ironhide''', ''Anime/TransformersEnergon'', "Crash Course" |
| 51 | [[/folder]] |
| 52 | |
| 53 | [[folder:Comic Books]] |
| 54 | ->'''Constantine:''' Fucking ''hell'', Chas! They drive on the right! The ''right!'' |
| 55 | ->'''Chas:''' Don't panic, John. It's a learning curve. |
| 56 | ->'''Constantine:''' Yeah, well, I don't wanna be here when it flattens out! |
| 57 | ->[''CLANK BUNK WHUMP''] |
| 58 | ->'''Chas:''' Sorry. That was the brake. |
| 59 | -->--''ComicBook/{{Hellblazer}}: All His Engines'' |
| 60 | |
| 61 | ->'''Sam''': Max, in America, it's customary to drive on the ''right.'' |
| 62 | ->'''Max''': It's turning into a damn ''police state'', Sam! |
| 63 | -->--''ComicBook/SamAndMaxFreelancePolice: Beast from the Cereal Isle'' |
| 64 | [[/folder]] |
| 65 | |
| 66 | [[folder:Fan Works]] |
| 67 | ->"Um... Kaji-san? Aren't we going to have to stop and wait for the vehicle transport train?" Shinji asked nervously, noting they weren't slowing down as they shot through the caution-striped metal gateway.\ |
| 68 | "Ordinarily, yes, Shinji-kun..." Kaji said absently as they skidded sideways past the 'STOP HERE FOR LOADING' signs and barriers. "But during an Angel alert, they lock down the trains at the depo in the Geofront to save power and reduce MAGI load. So right now the tracks are empty and it would take too long for a train to get up here. So this is faster."\ |
| 69 | The edge of the drop onto the track was coming closer very fast. "Um... what's faster?" Asuka asked even more worriedly.\ |
| 70 | "The direct approach," Kaji said with a smile as he aimed the car at the tracks on a shallow angle.\ |
| 71 | They shot over the edge and onto the tracks at over 120 kph, to the chorus of the Children [[OhCrap screaming in alarm]]. The darkness of the train tunnel into the Geofront loomed in front of them, angling steeply down. |
| 72 | -->-- ''Fanfic/AdviceAndTrust'', ''[[http://forums.sufficientvelocity.com/threads/advice-and-trust-nge.8768/page-90#post-2908370 chapter 7]]'' |
| 73 | |
| 74 | ->''Misato roared through the streets of Tokyo-3 in her car as if all the Angels were chasing her. Asuka laughed with delight while Shinji clung to his seatbelt, shaking. "Faster, faster!" Asuka shouted, while Shinji prayed for engine failure.''\ |
| 75 | ''"I'm gonna have to slow down soon, or I'll drive right through our apartment building. I don't think the Andersons would like that." Misato took the corner at about fifty miles an hour without any trouble, thanks to the absence of any traffic. Shinji, on the other hand, was glad he hadn't eaten dinner yet.'' |
| 76 | -->-- ''Fanfic/ChildrenOfAnElderGod'', ''chapter 5'' |
| 77 | |
| 78 | ->''"Uh, yeah, can I call you back? Misato's trying to kill us."''\ |
| 79 | ''"I am not," Misato snapped as the car drifted out onto the highway, slammed the car into a lower gear, and gunned it. The car fishtailed a bit, and then straightened as its tiny four cylinder engine roared, a look of manic glee on the driver's face.''\ |
| 80 | ''"You know what the best thing about a rental car is, Shinji?"''\ |
| 81 | ''"No, what?"''\ |
| 82 | ''"No car can accelerate quicker, corner harder, or go from reverse into drive at a higher speed!"'' |
| 83 | -->-- ''Fanfic/LastChildOfKrypton'', ''chapter 2'' |
| 84 | |
| 85 | ->''Kaji was silent mostly because he was dodging traffic at absurd speeds and violating just about every law on the books doing it.''\ |
| 86 | ''They made it to Misato’s apartment in record time again, screeching to a halt in a backward power slide into a parking space that violated at least two laws of physics and, Shinji thought, at least one of causality, but didn’t appear to implode the universe.'' |
| 87 | -->-- ''Fanfic/OnceMoreWithFeeling'' |
| 88 | |
| 89 | ->''Normally, a ride in Misato's car was a hair raising experience for the Third Child, who didn't have the strongest stomach and had discovered that he had a genuine aversion to the idea of dying when the possibility of it started to actually seem real.''\ |
| 90 | ''And that was when his guardian was just out for a leisurely Sunday drive or something. When she had to get somewhere as soon as possible—such as when she needed to get her two charges to NERV Headquarters so they could get into their Evangelions before an Angel bearing down on the city arrived—being a passenger in her car was a truly terrifying ordeal.'' |
| 91 | -->--''Fanfic/SOE2LoneHeirOfKrypton'', ''chapter 17'' |
| 92 | |
| 93 | ->'''ComicBook/JeanGrey:''' You know. We don't have to take the bus. I could drive us to where ever we're going.\ |
| 94 | '''[[ComicBook/{{Cyclops}} Scott Summers]]:''' I would really like to get there alive, thanks.\ |
| 95 | '''Jean:''' My driving isn't that bad.\ |
| 96 | '''Scott:''' Most people don't take turns on two wheels. Not to mention almost running down two of her teammates who were walking up the drive, minding their own business, while she was going ninety miles an hour. I don't think Hank and Bobby are ever going to recover. Every time they see you blasting up the drive now, they instinctively dive for cover.\ |
| 97 | '''Jean:''' I don't know why all of you are making such a big deal about this. I didn't hit them.\ |
| 98 | '''Scott:''' Only because both of them dove into a ditch to avoid the path of your oncoming car. You know, most people try to steer the car away from pedestrians not towards them. Then there was the time you knocked Warren's side mirror off, and glued it back on with Super Glue. Or the time you managed to get that huge scratch along the side of the professor's Buick and tried it hide it with six bottles of nail polish.\ |
| 99 | '''Jean:''' Okay, okay. Quit the ragging.\ |
| 100 | '''Scott:''' Somebody has to; Hank's too traumatized to do it since you almost ran him down. |
| 101 | -->--''Fanfic/XMenTheEarlyYears'' |
| 102 | |
| 103 | ->''A squad car came crashing down on top of him, landing bonnet-first and rolling over before coming to a rest outside the crypt. Seconds later, a jeep landed on the same spot, resting in a small crater.\ |
| 104 | \ |
| 105 | From the squad car, Henrrys and his partner, Harrison, crawled out unharmed. Henrrys loudly announced to all that could hear that Harrison was never driving again.\ |
| 106 | \ |
| 107 | From the jeep, Simmonds and his partner, David, crawled out unharmed. Simmonds loudly announced to all that could hear that David was never driving again.'' |
| 108 | -->--''Fanfic/HalloweenUnspectacular: Do the Gasmask Shuffle'' |
| 109 | [[/folder]] |
| 110 | |
| 111 | [[folder:Film -- Animation]] |
| 112 | ->''"Hey, lady! What in thunder are you trying to do?! Crazy [[WomenDrivers woman driver]]!"'' |
| 113 | -->-- '''A truck driver''' to Cruella De Vil, ''WesternAnimation/OneHundredAndOneDalmatians'' |
| 114 | |
| 115 | ->'''Dowager Empress Marie:''' Ilya, slow down.\ |
| 116 | '''Dimitri:''' (''revealing he's hijacked her limo'') I'm ''not'' Ilya. And I ''won't'' slow down, not until you listen.\ |
| 117 | '''Dowager Empress Marie:''' [[YouExclamation You!]] How dare you! Stop this car immediately! [[PunctuatedForEmphasis Stop! This! Car!]] |
| 118 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/{{Anastasia}}'' |
| 119 | |
| 120 | ->''"Unbelievable! Why don't you just go back? I mean, I think you actually MISSED a pothole! Man, you've got to be the ''worst'', I mean the WORST, delivery truck that has ever delivered a delivery!"'' |
| 121 | -->-- '''Roper''', ''WesternAnimation/{{Planes}}'' |
| 122 | |
| 123 | ->''"Why do the gods torment me with such reckless, destructive, blasphemous sons?!"'' |
| 124 | -->-- '''Pharaoh Seti I''' after Moses and Ramses demolish a temple while chariot-racing, ''WesternAnimation/ThePrinceOfEgypt'' |
| 125 | |
| 126 | ->'''Snowball:''' We a great team, tiny dog! Well, mainly I'm doing all the hard work, but you're helping!\ |
| 127 | '''Max:''' Yes, yes, fine! Just keep your eyes on the road! You're driving like an animal! (''Snowball rams the taxis in front of their bus aside'') What was that?!\ |
| 128 | '''Snowball:''' Oh, [[BlatantLies that was a pothole]].\ |
| 129 | '''Max:''' YOU'RE HITTING THINGS ON PURPOSE!\ |
| 130 | '''Snowball:''' [[DeadpanSnarker You know me too well, T.D. Always keeping me in check.]] |
| 131 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheSecretLifeOfPets'' |
| 132 | [[/folder]] |
| 133 | |
| 134 | [[folder:Film -- Live-Action]] |
| 135 | ->'''Kermit''': Where did you learn how to drive?\ |
| 136 | '''Fozzie''': I took a {{correspondence course}}. |
| 137 | -->-- ''Film/TheMuppetMovie'' |
| 138 | |
| 139 | ->I can't believe they locked me up for driving on the sidewalk! It was just a couple of miles... |
| 140 | -->-- '''Benny the Cab''', ''Film/WhoFramedRogerRabbit'' |
| 141 | |
| 142 | ->'''Anakin:''' Sorry, Master. I forgot you don't like [[FlyingCar flying]].\ |
| 143 | '''Obi-Wan:''' I don't mind flying, but what you're doing is suicide! |
| 144 | -->-- ''Franchise/StarWars: Film/AttackOfTheClones'' |
| 145 | |
| 146 | ->''Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. A normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow. But he won't know what to make of your blinker signal that says you are about to turn right. This is to let him know you're pulling off for a proper place to talk. It will take him a moment to realize that he's about to make a 180 degree turn at speed, but you will be ready for it. Brace for the g's, and fast heel-toe work.'' |
| 147 | -->--'''Raoul Duke''', ''Film/FearAndLoathingInLasVegas'' |
| 148 | |
| 149 | ->'''The Dark Overlord''': The world is in great danger.\ |
| 150 | '''ComicBook/HowardTheDuck''': Yeah, it certainly is when *you're* out on the highway! |
| 151 | -->--''Film/HowardTheDuck'' |
| 152 | |
| 153 | ->''"If I catch you jaywalking again, I'll flatten you into the tarmac!"'' |
| 154 | -->-- '''Sir Lancelot Spratt''', ''Film/DoctorInClover'' |
| 155 | |
| 156 | ->''"Well, I tell you what - if those two are gonna be on the roads, I'm takin' a job on the railways."'' |
| 157 | -->-- '''Jack Harper''', ''Film/MutinyOnTheBuses'' |
| 158 | |
| 159 | ->'''Ian''': Get off the pavement. Get off the- |
| 160 | ->'''Janet''': There's ''nobody'' on it. |
| 161 | ->'''Ian''': That's not the point, get off the ''flippin''' pavement! |
| 162 | -->-- ''Film/PleaseTurnOver'' |
| 163 | |
| 164 | ->'''Jill''': You see, I'm horribly late. I-I was trying to get my harp out of the back of the car- |
| 165 | ->'''Cab Driver''': Look, carry on drivin' like that, you'll need that instrument sooner than you think! |
| 166 | -->-- ''Film/RaisingTheWind'' |
| 167 | |
| 168 | ->'''Tom:''' Is there anything you ''didn't'' hit?!\ |
| 169 | '''Maddie:''' Why did we let the alien drive?\ |
| 170 | '''Sonic:''' Hey, I got us here, didn't I? And please, five stars. |
| 171 | -->-- ''Film/SonicTheHedgehog2020'' |
| 172 | [[/folder]] |
| 173 | |
| 174 | [[folder:Literature]] |
| 175 | -><Pass on the left, pass on the left! Not on the right!>\ |
| 176 | ‘Hey, I’m cool now,’ Marco yelled back through the open back window of the truck. ‘This is just like the game now. No problem-o.’\ |
| 177 | <It isn’t dark on [[{{VideoGame/Wipeout}} the video game.]]>\ |
| 178 | 'Sure. The part with the tunnel.’\ |
| 179 | <You mean the part where you always crash and burn?> |
| 180 | -->-- '''Marco and Jake''', ''Literature/{{Animorphs}}'', "The Andalite's Gift" |
| 181 | |
| 182 | ->'''Jake''': Do you hate trash cans? Is that your problem? Do you just HATE TRASH CANS?!!\ |
| 183 | '''Marco''': I can't drive with you screaming in my ear.\ |
| 184 | '''Jake''': You can't drive at all! |
| 185 | -->-- ''Literature/{{Animorphs}}'', "The Andalite's Gift" |
| 186 | |
| 187 | -><How come Marco drives?> Rachel demanded.\ |
| 188 | <[[ExactWords He has experience.]]>\ |
| 189 | "Oh, man, don't even mention that," Cassie said. "My dad cried over the twisted remains of that truck." |
| 190 | -->--''{{Literature/Animorphs}}'', "The Experiment'' |
| 191 | |
| 192 | ->I heard a loud crunching sound. <What was that?> I asked.\ |
| 193 | <Fence,> Marco said.\ |
| 194 | A few seconds later, a very similar sound.\ |
| 195 | <More fence, okay?> Marco said. <Everyone just shut up, I have it under control.> |
| 196 | -->--''{{Literature/Animorphs}}'', "The Experiment'' |
| 197 | |
| 198 | ->I saw a pickup truck, with its horn blaring and its driver [[FlippingTheBird forming a sort of salute with one raised finger]].\ |
| 199 | It occurred to me that oncoming vehicles should not be passing by on the right.\ |
| 200 | <Hey, that guy gave me the finger!>\ |
| 201 | <Some people take it personally when you nearly run them down,> Tobias said. <Some people have no sense of humor.> |
| 202 | -->-- ''{{Literature/Animorphs}}'', "The Experiment'' |
| 203 | |
| 204 | ->'''Jake:''' Where did you leave the tank?\ |
| 205 | '''Marco:''' You know Chapman's house? Nice two-story?\ |
| 206 | '''Jake:''' How many stories is it now?\ |
| 207 | '''Marco:''' Uhhh... Zero? |
| 208 | -->-- ''{{Literature/Animorphs}}'', "The Absolute" |
| 209 | |
| 210 | ->Frankly, Dad didn't drive our car well at all. But he did drive it fast. He terrified all of us, but particularly Mother. She sat next to him on the front seat -- with two of the babies on her lap -- and alternated between clutching Dad's arm and closing her eyes in supplication. Whenever we rounded a corner, she would try to make a shield out of her body to protect the babies from what she felt sure would be mutilation or death. |
| 211 | -->-- ''Literature/CheaperByTheDozen'' |
| 212 | |
| 213 | -> I was willing to keep my mind open on whether Telesio was to be trusted as a brother, but in less than a mile it was already closed about trusting him as a chauffeur. Apparently, he had some secret assurance that all obstructions ahead, animate or inanimate, would disappear before he got there, and when one didn't and he was about to make contact, his split second reaction was very gay. |
| 214 | -->-- ''Literature/TheBlackMountain'' |
| 215 | |
| 216 | ->'''[[OurAngelsAreDifferent Aziraphale]]''': Watch out for that pedestrian!\ |
| 217 | '''[[OurDemonsAreDifferent Crowley]]''': {{It|IsDehumanizing}}'s on the street, it knows the risks it's taking! |
| 218 | -->-- ''Literature/GoodOmens'' |
| 219 | |
| 220 | ->A car swerved slowly out of the lorry's way, its horn sounding - to nome ears - like the lost wail of a foghorn.\ |
| 221 | "Shouldn't be allowed on the road, drivers like that," said Angalo. There was a thump, and the remains of a street light bounced away. "[[ImplausibleDeniability And they put all this stupid stuff in the roadway, too]]," he added.\ |
| 222 | "Remember to show consideration for other road-users," said Masklin, severely.\ |
| 223 | "[[BlatantLies Well I am, aren't I?]] I'm not running into them, am I?" said Angalo. "What was that thump?"\ |
| 224 | "Some bushes, I think," said Masklin.\ |
| 225 | "See what I mean? Why do they put things like that in the road?"\ |
| 226 | "I think the road is more sort of over to your right," said Gurder. |
| 227 | -->--''[[Literature/NomesTrilogy Truckers]]'' |
| 228 | |
| 229 | ->''I didn't know a van could go up on two wheels like that. For so long.'' |
| 230 | -->--'''Nudge''', ''Literature/MaximumRide'' |
| 231 | |
| 232 | ->'''Rimmer:''' [[DissonantSerenity Lister, as you are no doubt aware]], I am no stranger to travelling at lightspeed. However, I am more than a little uncomfortable attempting it in [[TheAllegedCar a clapped-out old shooting brake]] on a narrow dirt tack up a mountain, in reverse. |
| 233 | ->'''Lister:''' Look... |
| 234 | ->'''Rimmer:''' Don't look at me! Keep your eyes on the road! Or the mirror! Or whatever the smeg your eyes are supposed to be kept on! |
| 235 | ->'''Lister:''' You still can't wrap your head around this, can you? [[BizarroUniverse It's physically impossible]] for us to crash this car on this trip. |
| 236 | ->'''Rimmer:''' So you say. All the same, I'd feel slightly more comfortable if we weren't actually overtaking radio waves. |
| 237 | -->--''Literature/RedDwarf: Backwards'' |
| 238 | |
| 239 | ->You don’t mind, I suppose," said Bundle after a minute or two, "if I drive rather fast? I started later than I meant to do."\ |
| 240 | It had seemed to Anthony that they were proceeding at a terrific speed already, but he soon saw that that was nothing compared to what Bundle could get out of the Panhard if she tried.\ |
| 241 | "Some people," said Bundle, as she slowed down momentarily to pass through a village, "are terrified of my driving. Poor old father, for instance. Nothing would induce him to come up with me in this old bus."\ |
| 242 | Privately, Anthony thought Lord Caterham was entirely justified. Driving with Bundle was not a sport to be indulged in by nervous, middle-aged gentlemen.\ |
| 243 | "But you don’t seem nervous a bit," continued Bundle approvingly, as she swept round a corner on two wheels.\ |
| 244 | "I’m in pretty good training, you see," explained Anthony gravely. "Also," he added, as an afterthought, “I’m rather in a hurry myself."\ |
| 245 | "Shall I speed her up a bit more?" asked Bundle kindly.\ |
| 246 | "Good Lord, no," said Anthony hastily. "We’re averaging about fifty as it is." |
| 247 | -->--''Literature/TheSecretOfChimneys'' |
| 248 | [[/folder]] |
| 249 | |
| 250 | [[folder:Live-Action TV]] |
| 251 | -> Um... I'm okay with you driving my car; I-I'm not okay with you ''flying'' my car. |
| 252 | -->-- '''Leonard Hofstadter''' to Bernadette, ''Series/TheBigBangTheory'', "[[Recap/TheBigBangTheoryS7E3TheScavengerVortex The Scavenger Vortex]]" |
| 253 | |
| 254 | ->'''Dorien''': No Sharon? |
| 255 | ->'''Tracey''': She's out doin' 'er drivin' lesson. |
| 256 | ->'''Dorien''': Ah. Thought the streets of Chigwell were very quiet. |
| 257 | ->'''Tracey''': She only been gone 'alf an hour, she carn 'ave killed everyone. |
| 258 | -->-- ''Series/BirdsOfAFeather'', "[[Recap/BirdsOfAFeatherS5E3NonStarter Non-Starter]]" |
| 259 | |
| 260 | -> I have nothing to live for, and I drive like it. |
| 261 | -->-- '''Michael Hitchcock''', ''Series/BrooklynNineNine'' |
| 262 | |
| 263 | ->'''Andrew''': Season 10. Canada's Worst Driver is on the road. I'd get off it if I were you. |
| 264 | -->-- Host Andrew Younghusband, introducing the tenth season of ''Series/CanadasWorstDriver'' |
| 265 | |
| 266 | ->'''Martha''': Blimey, did you have to pass a test to drive this thing?\ |
| 267 | '''Doctor''': Yes, and I failed it. |
| 268 | -->-- ''Series/DoctorWho'', "The Shakespeare Code" |
| 269 | |
| 270 | ->'''Glenn''': You’re a lunatic! |
| 271 | ->'''Paris''': Hey, I shaved three hours off the [=MapQuest=] estimate. |
| 272 | -->-- ''Series/GilmoreGirls'' |
| 273 | |
| 274 | ->Jay driving us to school really did make me feel like royalty. Unfortunately, the royalty I felt like was Princess Diana. |
| 275 | -->-- '''Will''', ''Series/TheInbetweeners'' |
| 276 | |
| 277 | ->'''Parker''': Who knew a sedan could hit 140?\ |
| 278 | '''Sophie''': Parker, you are never to get behind the wheel of a car again, okay? |
| 279 | -->-- ''Series/{{Leverage}}'' |
| 280 | |
| 281 | ->'''Eliot''': Damn it, Parker! Where'd you learn to drive?!\ |
| 282 | '''Parker''': [''Nonchalantly''] Before I stole cars I was a getaway driver.\ |
| 283 | '''Hardison''': "Before"?! You started stealing cars when you were twelve! |
| 284 | -->-- ''Series/{{Leverage}}'' |
| 285 | |
| 286 | -> Troy! You were driving on ''the wrong side of the road''. |
| 287 | -->-- '''Tom Barnaby''', ''Series/MidsomerMurders'' |
| 288 | |
| 289 | ->'''Ziva''': I'm driving.\ |
| 290 | '''Tony''': I'm dead.\ |
| 291 | [''Later'']\ |
| 292 | '''Ziva''': I drove Tony. You could have slept all night if you wanted.\ |
| 293 | '''Tony''': I tried, but the orchestra of blaring car horns kept me awake.\ |
| 294 | '''Ziva''': We made good time.\ |
| 295 | '''Tony''': Going ninety-five miles an hour on a dirt road I couldn't even see. |
| 296 | -->-- ''Series/{{NCIS}}'', "Lost and Found" |
| 297 | |
| 298 | ->'''Gibbs:''' [Ziva] almost killed my entire team yesterday.\ |
| 299 | '''Jenny''': How?\ |
| 300 | '''Gibbs''': Driving home from a crime scene.\ |
| 301 | '''Jenny''': I should have warned you. I think she was an Eastern European cab driver in a past life. |
| 302 | -->-- ''Series/{{NCIS}}'', "Silver War" |
| 303 | |
| 304 | ->'''Eli''': With traffic, I wasn't expecting you for another hour.\ |
| 305 | '''Ziva''': I drove.\ |
| 306 | '''Eli''': Enough said. |
| 307 | -->-- ''Series/{{NCIS}}'', "Aliyah" |
| 308 | |
| 309 | ->'''Ziva''': ''(Storms into the bullpen, [[ForeignLanguageTirade muttering something in Hebrew]])'' Unbelievable!\ |
| 310 | '''Tony''': You finally saw ''Film/TheCryingGame''?\ |
| 311 | '''Ziva''': No! I got a speeding ticket!\ |
| 312 | '''Tony''': Ooh. You know what that means, [=McGee=].\ |
| 313 | '''[=McGee=]''': The system works.\ |
| 314 | '''Ziva''': I was barely going over the limit!\ |
| 315 | '''[=McGee=]''': ''(Looks at the ticket)'' It says you were doing 80 in a 40.\ |
| 316 | '''Ziva''': Not the '''''entire''''' time. |
| 317 | -->-- ''Series/{{NCIS}}'', "Secrets" |
| 318 | |
| 319 | ->What is so hard? You go as fast as possible; when something gets in your way, you turn. |
| 320 | -->-- '''Ziva''', (and yes, she was being completely serious) ''Series/{{NCIS}}'', "Ignition" |
| 321 | |
| 322 | ->'''Vance''': Most fathers teach their daughters how to drive. Do I have you to thank for this, Eli?\ |
| 323 | '''Eli''': This she learned from her mother. |
| 324 | -->-- ''Series/{{NCIS}}'', "Enemies Foreign" |
| 325 | |
| 326 | -> '''Matthew''': Waaah! Sweep's hijacked the camper van! |
| 327 | -> '''Matthew (Voiceover)''': So naughty Sweep has taken the camper. The problem is, that although he thinks he can drive it, the truth is... he can't! And he has another problem too: there's a wasp in the cab. |
| 328 | -->-- ''[[Series/TheSootyShow Sooty and Co]] '', "Speedy Sweep", (Although it was AllJustADream). |
| 329 | [[/folder]] |
| 330 | |
| 331 | [[folder:Music]] |
| 332 | ->''Tune in, how's my driving? Drivers start dialing\ |
| 333 | I drive like a man who dies trying'' |
| 334 | -->-- '''Music/AesopRock''', "Kyanite Toothpick" (feat. Music/HanniElKhatib) |
| 335 | |
| 336 | ->A taxi driver man is what I want to be\ |
| 337 | But there are no customers who want to ride with me\ |
| 338 | I don't know why, it could be that I'm almost blind\ |
| 339 | But every street in Calcutta I can find |
| 340 | -->--- '''Dr Bombay''', "Calcutta" |
| 341 | |
| 342 | ->One foot on the brake and one on the gas, hey!\ |
| 343 | Well, there's too much traffic, I can't pass, no\ |
| 344 | So I tried my best illegal move\ |
| 345 | A big black and white come and crushed my groove again\ |
| 346 | Go on and write me up for one twenty five\ |
| 347 | Post my face, wanted dead or alive\ |
| 348 | Take my license, all that jive\ |
| 349 | I can't drive fifty-five |
| 350 | -->-- '''Sammy Hagar''', "I Can't Drive 55" |
| 351 | |
| 352 | ->Oh the low road goes from Killorglin all the way down to Annascaul;\ |
| 353 | When [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eamon_Casey Casey]] came to guide us he never used his brakes at all.\ |
| 354 | A trail of sheepdogs littered Kerry from Killorglin to Macroom,\ |
| 355 | He might have been our souls' salvation but he also was the sheep dog's doom. |
| 356 | -->-- '''Music/ChristyMoore''', "Casey" (song by Martin Egan) |
| 357 | |
| 358 | ->Some people get a cheap laugh breaking up the speed limit\ |
| 359 | Scaring the pedestrians for a minute\ |
| 360 | Crossing up progress, driving on the grass\ |
| 361 | Leaving just enough room to pass\ |
| 362 | Sunday driver never took a test\ |
| 363 | Oh yeah, once upon a time in the West |
| 364 | -->-- '''Music/DireStraits''', "Once Upon a Time in the West" |
| 365 | [[/folder]] |
| 366 | |
| 367 | [[folder:Mythology and Religion]] |
| 368 | ->His driving is like unto the driving of Jehu, for he driveth furiously. |
| 369 | -->-- Israelite Lookout, ''[[Literature/BooksOfKings II Kings]]'' |
| 370 | [[/folder]] |
| 371 | |
| 372 | [[folder:Newspaper Comics]] |
| 373 | ->'''Jason''': Carmageddon. It's a racing game where you get points for driving like a psycho. Hee hee - watch the pedestrians run for their lives.\ |
| 374 | '''Paige''': This seems really familiar. Have I ever played it?\ |
| 375 | '''Jason''': I doubt it. I just borrowed it from Marcus this morning.\ |
| 376 | '''Paige''': It's weird, I swear I've been in this car.\ |
| 377 | '''Jason''': You know, now that you mention it...\ |
| 378 | '''Peter''': Paige, I'm going to the mall. Need a ride? |
| 379 | |
| 380 | ->'''Denise''': Peter, if the intent of your driving is to make me ''glad'' I can't see...\ |
| 381 | '''Peter''': Hang on. That light six blocks away just turned yellow. |
| 382 | |
| 383 | ->'''Jason (needing Peter's help to disprove relativity):''' I've seen how you drive on the freeway.\ |
| 384 | '''Peter:''' You're talking [[FTLTravel nine-digit numbers]]. I've only ''flirted'' with four. |
| 385 | |
| 386 | ->'''Andy:''' She says she saw you driving down the street like a runaway missile!\ |
| 387 | '''Peter:''' Impossible! Mom, she couldn't!\ |
| 388 | '''Jason:''' We were driving much too fast to be seen. |
| 389 | -->-- ''ComicStrip/FoxTrot'' |
| 390 | [[/folder]] |
| 391 | |
| 392 | [[folder:Radio]] |
| 393 | ->'''Hex:''' ...We made it! |
| 394 | ->'''Ace:''' If you're gonna make a crack about WomenDrivers, I should warn you: [[ContinuityNod I've got a baseball bat]] in my room. |
| 395 | ->'''Hex:''' I wasn't gonna say a word... though I've learned one thing today. |
| 396 | ->'''Ace:''' What's that? |
| 397 | ->'''Hex:''' That the TARDIS has a spin cycle. |
| 398 | ->'''Ace:''' Ha ha. Very funny. |
| 399 | -->--''AudioPlay/BigFinishDoctorWho: [[Recap/BigFinishDoctorWho162ProtectAndSurvive Protect And Survive]]'' |
| 400 | [[/folder]] |
| 401 | |
| 402 | [[folder:Stand-Up Comedy]] |
| 403 | ->[Australians] are warm-hearted, kind people, without exception. I've had my wallet returned twice, I've had people chase me down the street with ATM money I've left behind. Then you get in your cars, you become firebreathing psychopathic bloody maniacs! How does that work?! I'm terrified of driving in Australia! I've got people overtaking me, undertaking me, trucks trying to drive over the top of me! […] And since when did amber mean accelerate?! Everywhere else in the world, it means "proceed with caution"! Here, it means "floor it and turn the radio up"! |
| 404 | -->--'''Jeff Green''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrzKjE8hF30 Melbourne International Comedy Festival 2011]] |
| 405 | |
| 406 | ->''I just want you all to know that if you're ever on the highway behind me, I hear you honking, and I also don't want me to be doing what I'm doing. I don't like that I'm in that lane either, but I sure would like to get out of it.'' |
| 407 | -->-- '''Creator/JohnMulaney''' |
| 408 | [[/folder]] |
| 409 | |
| 410 | [[folder:Theatre]] |
| 411 | -> (loud honk) "DON'T BLAME ME, I'M FROM MASSACHUSETTS!" |
| 412 | -->-- '''Samuel Byck'', ''Theatre/Assassins'' |
| 413 | |
| 414 | ->''Who’s that madman flying at full gallop down the street?\ |
| 415 | Who’s that madman knocking people over\ |
| 416 | Running people down\ |
| 417 | While his fine gentlemen\ |
| 418 | Hold on to their seats?'' |
| 419 | -->-- "Balaga", ''Theatre/NatashaPierreAndTheGreatCometOf1812" |
| 420 | [[/folder]] |
| 421 | |
| 422 | [[folder:Video Games]] |
| 423 | ->''"Gotta get somewhere fast? Cheaply? Safe? [[BadNewsInAGoodWay Well, this guy's got the first two covered!]] Just try not to vomit on his seats."'' |
| 424 | -->-- '''Joblin Chauffeur [[MonsterCompendium Business Card]]''', ''VideoGame/GoingUnder'' |
| 425 | |
| 426 | ->They don't call that guy "Dangerous" for nothing. |
| 427 | -->-- '''DJ Atomika''' describing Dangerous Dave's piloting skills, ''VideoGame/{{SSX}} 3'' |
| 428 | |
| 429 | ->'''Liara:''' Truck! |
| 430 | ->'''Shepard:''' I know. |
| 431 | ->'''Liara:''' ''Truck!!'' |
| 432 | ->'''Shepard:''' ''I know!'' |
| 433 | ->'''Liara:''' ''Ahhhhhh!'' |
| 434 | ->'''Shepard:''' There we go. |
| 435 | ->'''Liara:''' ''You're enjoying this!'' |
| 436 | -->-- Exchange from ''VideoGame/MassEffect2'' |
| 437 | |
| 438 | ->'''Buzz:''' I have no idea who taught you to fly, oh, but they should probably lose their license.\ |
| 439 | '''Flynn:''' What's a license? |
| 440 | -->-- ''[[VideoGame/{{Skylanders}} Skylanders: Trap Team]]'' |
| 441 | |
| 442 | ->''No short-cut is too dangerous. No risk goes untaken. When the Reckless Driver steers, the crew prays.'' |
| 443 | -->--''VideoGame/SunlessSkies'' |
| 444 | |
| 445 | ->'''Callie:''' I just saw a SUPER fresh car drive by! I want it! |
| 446 | ->'''Marie:''' Didn't you just fail your driving test last week? |
| 447 | -->--''VideoGame/Splatoon1'' |
| 448 | |
| 449 | ->'''Callie:''' I just saw a helicopter fly by! Let's take it for a spin. |
| 450 | ->'''Marie:''' There's NO way I'm getting in a helicopter with you. |
| 451 | -->--''VideoGame/Splatoon1'' |
| 452 | |
| 453 | ->'''Callie:''' I wanna try racing one of those forklifts around! |
| 454 | ->'''Marie:''' Callie, you can barely ride a bike. |
| 455 | -->--''VideoGame/Splatoon1'' |
| 456 | |
| 457 | ->'''Pearl:''' I've always wanted to operate one of those giant cranes on the piers. |
| 458 | ->'''Marina:''' Follow your dreams, Pearl! Just make sure I'm not around! |
| 459 | -->--''VideoGame/Splatoon2'' |
| 460 | |
| 461 | ->'''Pearl:''' I bet I'd make a good ship captain! HARD TO STARBOARD! |
| 462 | ->'''Marina:''' Abandon ship! |
| 463 | -->--''VideoGame/Splatoon2'' |
| 464 | |
| 465 | ->'''Max:''' I'll drive! |
| 466 | ->'''Sam:''' Not while I'm alive. |
| 467 | ->'''Max:''' ''Exactly!'' |
| 468 | -->--''VideoGame/SamAndMaxFreelancePolice'' |
| 469 | |
| 470 | ->Ah... Ahahahahahah! E-Everyone's okay, right...? You know, I'm proud of my driving record, in a way... I've never killed anyone! Ahaha... Hahahahaha! |
| 471 | -->-- '''Maya Amano''', ''VideoGame/Persona2: Innocent Sin'' |
| 472 | |
| 473 | ->'''Makoto''': ''(nervously)'' You know, Haru... You don't have to force yourself.\ |
| 474 | '''Sophia''': Hmm... Makoto is looking paler than ever now.\ |
| 475 | '''Haru''': ''(sighs)''\ |
| 476 | '''Ryuji''': You don't gotta be nervous. Just take it nice and slow.\ |
| 477 | '''Haru''': ...Heh.\ |
| 478 | '''Ann''': ''(alarmed)'' Haru?\ |
| 479 | '''Haru''': ''(giggles)'' I think I'll be just fine. In fact, I have a special technique that'll make your head spin.\ |
| 480 | '''Futaba''': Uh, is she okay? I'm gettin' a bad feeling about this...\ |
| 481 | '''Joker''': Just drive safe./What's this "technique"?/We're in your hands.\ |
| 482 | '''Makoto''': Um, so I've never really told you guys this... But the moment Haru's hands touch the wheel...\ |
| 483 | '''Haru''': ''Get ready to shift into overdrive!'' |
| 484 | -->-- ''VideoGame/Persona5Strikers'' |
| 485 | |
| 486 | ->'''Zenkichi''': Whoa, speak of the devil. Uh... Well, you guys got here quick.\ |
| 487 | '''Ann''': ''(gasps) I thought we were gonna die...''\ |
| 488 | '''Futaba''': I think we already did... My soul's barely tethered to my body.\ |
| 489 | '''Ryuji''': Urp--gonna puke...\ |
| 490 | '''Zenkichi''': O...kay?\ |
| 491 | '''Yusuke''': My apologies, Haru, but I request you steer clear of the driver's seat from now on. I only have so many lives left...\ |
| 492 | '''Morgana''': ''[[HeroicBSOD (inarticulate, weak meow)]]''\ |
| 493 | '''Sophia''': Meowgana's unconscious. Wake him up.\ |
| 494 | '''Zenkichi''': Hey, Okumura. What happened?\ |
| 495 | '''Haru''': Um... I was just driving normally... I think. |
| 496 | -->-- The aftermath of letting Haru drive, ''VideoGame/Persona5Strikers'' |
| 497 | [[/folder]] |
| 498 | |
| 499 | [[folder:Webcomics]] |
| 500 | ->'''Sam:''' Bottom line. How safe is a .2 millirem dose [of radiation]? \ |
| 501 | '''Florence:''' It's safer than driving with you across town. \ |
| 502 | '''Helix:''' Florence, standing in a burning building while blind circus midgets throw knives at you is safer than driving across town with Sam. \ |
| 503 | '''Florence:''' You're right. Bad example. |
| 504 | -->-- ''Webcomic/{{Freefall}}'' |
| 505 | [[/folder]] |
| 506 | |
| 507 | [[folder:Web Original]] |
| 508 | ->There are no safety precautions that could prepare somebody for a car trip with Rosette. |
| 509 | -->-- '''Greg Ayres''', referring to the character from ''Manga/ChronoCrusade'' |
| 510 | |
| 511 | ->Even though giant toothy ball of batshit crazy Creator/GaryBusey is playing life on Expert Level at all times, sometimes he fucks up and backs his car into a person in the parking lot of a grocery store. We all make mistakes, but Gary Busey’s are just that much more WTF worthy... Instead of looking both ways behind him as he backed his car out of his parking spot, he was all ''“T.Y.I.G – trust your instincts, Gary”'' and just pulled out.\ |
| 512 | Unfortunately, there was a woman walking past his car when he pulled out and he hit her. But don’t worry, the woman Gary hit is fine. She suffered minor injuries, and was treated by paramedics before being released from the scene. However I’m sure the image of [[Series/InLivingColor Fire Marshall Bill’s]] crazy grampa that flashed across the rear-view mirror moments before she was plowed down will haunt her forever. |
| 513 | -->-- '''[[http://dlisted.com/2015/02/14/what-did-gary-busey-do-on-friday-oh-not-much-just-backed-his-car-into-a-lady/ DListed]]''', "What Did Gary Busey Do On Friday? Oh, Not Much, Just Backed His Car Into A Lady" |
| 514 | |
| 515 | ->Mental note: Never, ''ever'' let Bertie drive a car in real life, I say! |
| 516 | -->-- '''WebVideo/GameChap''', when Bertie is at the wheel in ''VideoGame/NeedForSpeed'' |
| 517 | |
| 518 | ->'''[=YouTube=] Pedant''': Boring! Yet another dash cam review.\ |
| 519 | '''Wife''': Have you considered that possibly this video wasn't made just for you? After all, you're not allowed to drive since [[NoodleIncident the incident]].\ |
| 520 | '''[=YouTube=] Pedant''': Oh! [[OnceDoneNeverForgotten You always bring this up]]! [[ComicallyMissingThePoint I'll have you know that six of those people have made a partial recovery]]. Besides which, they've learned a valuable lesson: you should always keep your eye out for traffic.\ |
| 521 | '''Wife''': They were inside ''a UsefulNotes/McDonalds''! |
| 522 | -->-- The Muppet sketch at the end of Techmoan's [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ifPhMULpiWI review]] of a Xiaoyi dash cam. |
| 523 | |
| 524 | ->This guy's ''already'' driving like I intend to in this game. |
| 525 | -->-- ''WebVideo/{{Unskippable}}'' on ''VideoGame/DriverSanFrancisco'' |
| 526 | |
| 527 | ->'''Polnareff''': Why are you pressing down on the gas?! Brake! Brake! Step on the brake!\ |
| 528 | '''Kakyoin''': Brake? [[VideoGame/FZero The A button is the accelerator and the R button is to drift.]]\ |
| 529 | '''Polnareff''': It ain't a game! Brake! Brake! |
| 530 | -->-- ''WebVideo/VaguelyRecallingJoJo'' |
| 531 | |
| 532 | ->(While being strafed by a fighter jet in ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoV'') I'm trying to drive erratically, but it's no more or less erratic than I normally drive. |
| 533 | -->--'''Jane Douglas''', ''WebVideo/OutsideXbox'' |
| 534 | |
| 535 | ->All individuals who board any vehicle or form of transportation that Dr. Gerald himself is controlling in any form are assured to die. Testing has shown that even those who escape vehicles he's been driving are doomed; they are generally struck by another moving vehicle within minutes. In such cases where the passengers aren't near any other vehicles, they will fatally suffer from apparent anxiety-induced heart attacks. |
| 536 | -->--'''[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-666-j SCP-666-J]]''', ''Website/SCPFoundation'' |
| 537 | |
| 538 | ->Everyone knows New York traffic is a nightmare, but every New York driver knows to ''fear'' Boston drivers. If New York is ''Film/MadMax'' then Boston is ''Film/ThePurge''. No one is safe, traffic laws are meaningless, and the only goal is to survive as long as possible. When I told a Boston friend the drivers are nuts, she seriously told me that using your blinker is a sign of weakness. I laughed. ''She didn't.'' |
| 539 | -->--'''Red''', ''WebAnimation/OverlySarcasticProductions'' |
| 540 | |
| 541 | ->'''Dick Richard:''' I don't even know where you're going at this point. We were driving all night. |
| 542 | ->'''Dr. Digestion:''' It's my birthday! |
| 543 | ->'''Dick Richard:''' Hey, you- |
| 544 | ->[Dr. Digestion runs over a pedestrian] |
| 545 | ->'''Dick Richard:''' You're just- You're running over a guy right now. Are you fuckin' serious? |
| 546 | ->[Dr. Digestion continues to plow through two taxis] |
| 547 | ->'''Button-Up Barry:''' Remind me next time we do this. I'm gettin' my Nan to drive... |
| 548 | -->-- ''WebVideo/RatMovieMysteryOfTheMayanTreasure'' |
| 549 | |
| 550 | ->'''Moeka:''' Are... are we gonna do anything about the skeleton?\ |
| 551 | '''Aphmau:''' Look, it's a Halloween decoration I hit on the way, it's perfectly fine, I'll get it out later, but my parking job is ''pristine'', alright? Perfect.\ |
| 552 | '''Mac:''' You're not even in the lines! You're not even in the- you're in two spots.\ |
| 553 | '''Aphmau:''' There's nobody else here, so if nobody sees it, it's not illegal, okay? |
| 554 | -->-- [[https://youtu.be/jUbpngtcm5w "I Found The Itsy Bitsy CUTEST Spider In Minecraft!"]] |
| 555 | |
| 556 | ->''[[LanguageBarrier (translated from Spanish)]]'' "Tell Jenson to stop driving cars that she fixes! She drives like a teenager and a grandmother who were somehow combined and were also blind." |
| 557 | -->-- '''Lopez''', WebAnimation/RedVsBlue [[WebAnimation/RedVsBlueTheChorusTrilogy Season 13]] |
| 558 | [[/folder]] |
| 559 | |
| 560 | [[folder:Western Animation]] |
| 561 | ->'''Launchpad:''' Please put your seats back in the upright position.\ |
| 562 | '''Scrooge:''' Just put the ''plane'' in an upright position! |
| 563 | -->--''WesternAnimation/DuckTalesTheMovieTreasureOfTheLostLamp'' |
| 564 | |
| 565 | ->Road safety laws, prepare to be ignored! |
| 566 | -->--'''Grunkle Stan''', ''WesternAnimation/GravityFalls'', "Boyz Crazy" |
| 567 | |
| 568 | ->Belt yourself\ |
| 569 | Only way to protect your health\ |
| 570 | Leave your friends all your hard-earned wealth\ |
| 571 | If you croak when you're boldly embarking\ |
| 572 | And parallel-parking\ |
| 573 | And acing the written\ |
| 574 | Look out for that kitten!\ |
| 575 | No time for high-fiving\ |
| 576 | You're barely surviving\ |
| 577 | The dangerous Drusselstein Driving Test Waltz! |
| 578 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/PhineasAndFerb'', "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAW2bghGniw The Drusselstein Driving Test Waltz]]" |
| 579 | |
| 580 | ->'''Heather:''' ''(at the moment driving a car)'' I thought we could fly to my place in the mountains!\ |
| 581 | '''Jon:''' FLY?!\ |
| 582 | '''Garfield:''' Two more miles per hour and THIS THING may take off!\ |
| 583 | '''Jon:''' But the airport is back in the other direction!\ |
| 584 | '''Heather:''' Yes... but MY private plane is over there!\ |
| 585 | ''(The car finally comes to a screeching halt in front of said private plane)''\ |
| 586 | '''Garfield:''' [[OhCrap Private plane?]] I think I just discovered the joys of WALKING... |
| 587 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/GarfieldAndFriends'', "Model Behavior" |
| 588 | |
| 589 | ->'''Bloom:''' Stella, could you try not to swerve so much?\ |
| 590 | '''Tecna:''' And avoid the potholes if you can?\ |
| 591 | '''Stella:''' It's not my fault! Something's wrong with the camper, it won't go straight.\ |
| 592 | '''Flora:''' You almost got into an accident six times!! Let Layla drive!\ |
| 593 | '''Stella:''' *drives over a MASSIVE pothole*\ |
| 594 | '''Everyone:''' LET LAYLA DRIVE!!! |
| 595 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/WinxClub'', episode 4x8 |
| 596 | |
| 597 | ->''Whoa'', Mrs. Ping! Every drive with you is like an adventure in almost ''dying!'' ...Don't get me wrong, though, you know, it's awesome. |
| 598 | -->-- '''Cam''', ''WesternAnimation/{{Detentionaire}}'' |
| 599 | |
| 600 | ->''The Queen [[BlatantLies is very good at driving buses!]]'' |
| 601 | -->-- '''The Narrator''' after the Queen jumps the gap on Tower Bridge, ''WesternAnimation/PeppaPig'' |
| 602 | |
| 603 | ->[[Characters/StarsAndSTRIPE Stargirl]], you have great road rage in your heart. You belong with the [[TheBerserker Red Lantern Corps]]. |
| 604 | -->-- '''Red Lantern Ring''', ''WesternAnimation/JusticeLeagueAction'' |
| 605 | |
| 606 | ->'''Mrs. Puff:''' Now, what do you do next?\ |
| 607 | '''[=SpongeBob=]:''' Floor it?\ |
| 608 | '''Mrs. Puff:''' Yes-- No! No, don't floor it!\ |
| 609 | '''[=SpongeBob=]:''' ''Floor it?!''\ |
| 610 | '''Mrs. Puff:''' No, n-no, no, don't floor it!\ |
| 611 | '''[=SpongeBob=]:''' OKAY, ''FLOOR IT''! |
| 612 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants'', "[[Recap/SpongeBobSquarePantsS1E4NaughtyNauticalNeighborsBoatingSchool Boating School]]" |
| 613 | |
| 614 | ->''"Listen to me. There is ''nothing'' wrong with that tunnel. You stuck in it because you tried to do Rock 'n' Roll. Tunnels are ''not'' dance floors and ''you'' are not a pop star!"'' |
| 615 | -->-- '''The Fat Controller''' to Duncan, ''WesternAnimation/ThomasAndFriends'', "Home at Last" |
| 616 | |
| 617 | ->''"Oh, it's you. Have you learned to drive properly yet?"'' |
| 618 | -->-- '''Elizabeth''' to the Fat Controller, ''WesternAnimation/ThomasAndFriends'', "Elizabeth the Vintage Lorry" |
| 619 | [[/folder]] |
| 620 | |
| 621 | [[folder:Real Life]] |
| 622 | ->I have driven in every major U.S. city, including Boston, where the motorists all drive as though there is an open drawbridge just ahead, and they need to gain speed so they can jump across it.\ |
| 623 | I have also driven in Italy, where there is only one traffic law, which is that no driver may ever be behind any other driver, the result being that at all times, all the motorists in the nation, including those in funeral processions, are simultaneously trying to pass.\ |
| 624 | I have ridden in a taxi in the Argentinean city of Mar del Plata (literally, [[IDontLikeTheSoundOfThatPlace "Cover your eyes"]]), where (a) nobody ever drives slower than 65 miles per hour, including inside parking garages, and (b) at night, many motorists drive with their headlights off, because--a taxi driver told me this, and he was absolutely serious--this extends the life of your bulbs. (When he told me this, we were in a major traffic jam caused by an accident involving a truck and a horse.)\ |
| 625 | I have also ridden on a bus in China, plowing through humongous traffic snarls involving trucks, cars, bicycles, ox-drawn carts and pedestrians, all aggressively vying for the same space, and where the bus driver would sometimes physically push pedestrians out of the way. I don't mean with his hands. I mean with the BUS.\ |
| 626 | My point is that I have seen plenty of insane driving techniques, and I am telling you for a fact that no place brings so many of these techniques together as Miami, where a stop sign has no more legal significance to most motorists than a mailbox. The police down here have given up on enforcing the traffic laws. If they stop you and find a human corpse in your trunk, they'll let you off with a warning if it's your first one. |
| 627 | -->-- '''Creator/DaveBarry''', [[http://www.miamiherald.com/2014/08/11/754230/driving-while-stupid.html "Driving while Stupid"]] |
| 628 | |
| 629 | ->And if you are still driving out there, please, be careful, there are some '''NUTS''' on the road! |
| 630 | -->-- '''Herman Cain''' |
| 631 | |
| 632 | ->This month is all about doing the impossible in Alabama.\ |
| 633 | It snowed here last week.\ |
| 634 | [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Senate_special_election_in_Alabama,_2017 We elected a democrat this week.]]\ |
| 635 | Next week, we will finally learn how to use a turn signal. |
| 636 | -->-- '''The Ostrich''', [[https://twitter.com/ALostrich/status/940983886477185024 Twitter]] |
| 637 | |
| 638 | ->''"I just want you all to know that if you're ever on the highway behind me, I hear you honking, and I also don't want me to be doing what I'm doing. I don't like that I'm in that lane either, but I sure would like to get out of it."'' |
| 639 | -->-- '''Creator/JohnMulaney''' |
| 640 | |
| 641 | ->''"If you're still in control, you're not going fast enough."'' |
| 642 | -->-- '''Mario Andretti''' |
| 643 | [[/folder]] |
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