1 | ->''"I am VideoGame/DrMario and I prescribe high-fives\ |
2 | Laughter's the best medicine, so-- ''(backhands patient)'' BWAHAHA, you fell down"'' |
3 | -->--'''{{Music/Brentalfloss}}''', [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc-EP-0xEDQ "Dr. Mario with lyrics"]] |
4 | |
5 | ->''"Dr. Nancy Snyderman achieved the impossible last October when she temporarily dethroned Matt Lauer as the smuggiest smug smugger of the ''{{Series/Today}}'' show by breaking the voluntary Ebola quarantine she promised to put herself under and by releasing a bullshit statement where she took zero responsibility....''I’m sorry! My butt wasn’t bleeding and I wanted mac and cheese. Get over it, you paranoid whores! |
6 | ->''And as my mom would say, '[[Series/TheDoctorOzShow DR. OZ]] WOULD NEVER!' Dr. Oz would gladly stay in his house and film a month-long special titled: ''How To Lose Your Stubborn Belly Fat While Under A 21-Day Ebola Quarantine.''"'' |
7 | -->--'''[[http://dlisted.com/2014/12/03/the-today-shows-dr-nancy-snyderman-is-sort-of-kind-of-sorry-for-violating-ebola-quarantine/ Michael K.]]''' |
8 | |
9 | ->''"I'm a medicine cat. If you want sympathy, go to the nursery."'' |
10 | -->-- '''Jayfeather''', ''Literature/WarriorCats'' |
11 | |
12 | ->''"I became a doctor for the same four reasons everybody does; chicks, money, power, and chicks."'' |
13 | -->-- '''Dr. Percival "Perry" Cox''', ''Series/{{Scrubs}}'' |
14 | |
15 | ->''"Hey, Wilson! I'm gonna go cut some [[NWordPrivileges cripple]]'s eye out! Wanna come watch?"'' |
16 | -->-- '''Dr. Gregory House''', ''Series/{{House}}'' |
17 | |
18 | ->''"In the words of the philosopher Scepturn, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?"'' |
19 | -->-- '''Dr. James "Mossy" Lawn''', ''Literature/NightWatchDiscworld'' |
20 | |
21 | ->''"Those people seem to have the mistaken idea that doctors are volunteer workers, or something like that. Our priority is to progress as medical scholars before we save lives."'' |
22 | -->-- '''Director Heinemann''', ''Anime/{{Monster}}'' |
23 | |
24 | ->'''Patient's father:''' How can you treat someone without meeting them?\ |
25 | '''House:''' It's easy if you don't give a crap about them. |
26 | -->-- ''Series/{{House}}'' |
27 | |
28 | ->''"Vould you like a second opinion? You are also ugly!"'' |
29 | -->-- '''[[HerrDoktor The Medic]]''', ''VideoGame/TeamFortress2'' |
30 | |
31 | ->'''Q:''' What's the difference between God and a surgeon? |
32 | ->'''A:''' God doesn't think ''he's'' a surgeon. |
33 | -->-- Traditional pre-op joke. |
34 | |
35 | ->''"Fine, die all on your own. I'll phone a mortician."'' |
36 | -->-- '''Doctor (if you can't afford their services)''', ''VideoGame/EarthBoundBeginnings'' |
37 | |
38 | ->''"Hurry up! What are you missing a leg or some... oh..."\ |
39 | "Attention passengers, the local time... doesn't matter since you'll be dead soon anyway."\ |
40 | "WE'RE HIT!!! WE'RE HIT!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! WE'RE...haha! Just kidding! Should've seen the looks on your faces!"\ |
41 | "Walk it off!"\ |
42 | "Welcome aboard. Are you an organ donor?"\ |
43 | "Oh suck it up! You act like you got BOTH arms blown off!"'' |
44 | -->-- Terran medivac, ''VideoGame/StarcraftII'' |
45 | |
46 | ->''"Rub some dirt on it, ya wimp."'' |
47 | -->-- '''Support Soldier''' using a medkit, ''VideoGame/XCOMEnemyUnknown'' |
48 | |
49 | ->'''Edmund Blackadder:''' Look, am I paying for this abuse, or is it extra?\ |
50 | '''Doctor:''' No, all part of the service. |
51 | -->--''Series/{{Blackadder}} II'' |
52 | |
53 | ->"Just get out already. Seeing happy, healthy people makes me want to vomit." |
54 | -->--'''Caren Ortensia''', ''Manga/FateKaleidLinerPrismaIllya'' |
55 | |
56 | ->'''Stephen Strange''': Billy. What have you got for me?\ |
57 | '''Nurse Billy''': I've got a 35-year-old Air Force Colonel, crushed his lower spine in some kind of experimental armor. Mid-thoracic burst fracture.\ |
58 | '''Strange''': Yeah, well, I could help... but so could 50 other people. Find me something worth my time. |
59 | -->--''Film/DoctorStrange2016'' |
60 | |
61 | ->'''Doctor:''' You may see a diabetic, but what I see is a diabetic who will never get his act together. |
62 | ->(a minute later) |
63 | ->'''Doctor:''' Let's face it: Sooner or later this will kill you. Probably sooner. |
64 | ->'''Bill:''' What should I do? |
65 | ->'''Doctor:''' Well, we have plenty of nice pamphlets that I'm sure you'll ignore. But this is how I see your diabetes playing out: First comes heart disease, then kidney failure, then blindness. Oh, and you'll lose your legs to gangrene. |
66 | ->'''Bill''': Are you just giving me tough love? |
67 | ->'''Doctor''': Have you seen other doctors? |
68 | ->'''Bill''': Yes. |
69 | ->'''Doctor''': Did they tell you to diet and exercise? |
70 | ->'''Bill''': Yes. |
71 | ->'''Doctor''': Did you do it? |
72 | ->'''Bill''': ... |
73 | ->'''Doctor''': Here, take this. You'll end up in a wheelchair anyway. Might as well get one now, while you still have good insurance.\ |
74 | - '''Bill and his doctor''', S13 E1, ''WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill'' |
75 | |
76 | -> '''Hurley''': What's that thing where doctors make you feel better just by talking to you?\ |
77 | '''Jack''': Bedside manner.\ |
78 | '''Hurley''': Yeah, that. Yours sucks, dude. |
79 | -->-- ''Series/{{Lost}}'', "[[Recap/LostS02E01ManOfScienceManOfFaith Man of Science, Man of Faith]]" |
80 | |
81 | ->'''Mr. Smith''': But won't it 'urt? |
82 | ->'''Dr. Tinkle''': Yes, it ''will'' hurt, Mr. Smith, and I ''want'' it to hurt! Perhaps next time you consider having a ''lump'', you'll think ''twice'' about it. |
83 | -->-- ''Film/CarryOnDoctor'' |
84 | |
85 | ->'''Beauregard:''' You have a six pack of doughnuts but you don’t have a healer’s kit in there? And ''you're'' the cleric? I'm confused...\ |
86 | '''Jester:''' I'm ''the'' cleric? What is this? I've never traveled with a bunch of people that I thought would DIE in front of me, okay?! |
87 | -->-- ''WebVideo/CriticalRole'' |
88 |
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