Line #45 Quotes/ButtMonkey


1	->''"[[ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}} Charlie Brown]] must be the one who suffers, because he's a caricature of the [[TheEveryman average person]]. Most of us are much more acquainted with losing than winning. Winning is great, but it [[RuleOfFunny isn't funny]]."''
2	-->-- '''Charles Schulz'''
3
4	->''"Sometimes, I'm afraid to be happy, because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens."''
5	-->-- '''Charlie Brown''', ''ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}}''
6
7	->''"Why is everybody always pickin' on me?"''
8	-->-- '''The Coasters''', chorus to "Charlie Brown" (and no, the song is not about ''[[ComicStrip/{{Peanuts}} that]]'' Charlie Brown)
9
10	->''"No one ever listens to what I'm saying!"''
11	-->-- '''Sammy (Allen Covert)''' from Creator/AdamSandler's ''[[Recap/AdamSandlerS2E2Respect Respect]]''
12
13	->''That's life, I can't deny it,\
14	Many times I thought of cuttin' out, but my heart won't buy it\
15	But if there's nothing shaken come here this July,\
16	I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die''
17	-->-- '''Marion Montgomery''', "That's Life"
18
19	->''"Nuthin' goes right, I just can't fight it\
20	Eastern Airlines ''thanked me'' for flying United!\
21	[[YankTheDogsChain I got some money]], what did I do?\
22	[[HonestJohnsDealership I bought some quicksand]], [[{{Pun}} the deal fell through]]\
23	My car broke down, I called Triple-A\
24	They left the car and towed ''me'' away!\
25	I can't take it no more, I'm getting too old\
26	I called suicide prevention, [[NoSympathy they put me on hold]]\
27	Winter, Summer, Spring, and Fall\
28	I'm always up against the wall\
29	''(Whasamatta Rodney?)''\
30	Ahh, I don't get no respect at all"''
31	-->-- '''Creator/RodneyDangerfield''', "Rappin' Rodney"
32
33	->''"'The only reason I was born was that rats had chewed on Mother's douche bag, or so she told me.' This is an essential starting point to the Nina story."''
34	-->-- '''Creator/GoreVidal''', ''Palimpsest''
35
36	->''"The Giants are an aunt's house you dread visiting. Every time the Giants come onto my television, the screen magically reverts to standard definition...Every time I think of them, all I think about is [[Film/WhenHarryMetSally Billy Crystal telling Bruno Kirby]] that he's getting a divorce. That seems like a Giants fan thing to do. ''Let's go to the game and we can talk about how Helen never loved me. Oh, and [[TheLoad Eli will throw a pick]].''"''
37	-->-- '''[[http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-new-york-giants-1630014411 Drew McGary]]''', "Why Your Team Sucks 2014: New York Giants"
38
39	->''"A History of American Farming by Peter Fox: who had a very rough time getting out of bed this morning and didn't eat breakfast and who pinched his left thumb in his gym locker and lost his favorite pencil in the library and whose day got even worse when..."''
40	-->-- '''Peter Fox''', ''ComicStrip/FoxTrot'', writing his essay for a 'sympathy grade' (which takes up several pages)
41
42	->''"Boy, i have just had enough with this. This man is the MC, of his own show. His name is literally in the title of it, and he gets '''[[SuddenlyShouting BITCHED BY EVERYBODY]]!''' Listen, when you think of this show, you think of Pingu! When you think of this show, you think of the noot-noot guy! '''[[SuddenlyShouting SO WHY IS THE NOOT-NOOT GUY GETTING PWNED?!]]''' By everybody?!"''
43	-->-- '''Jaylen Civil/Teezzy's Vids''', [[https://youtu.be/C0MJ6KZpY1I?si=XsBtVnUAwB5cvFKc roasting]] ''WesternAnimation/{{Pingu}}''
44
45	->Actually, the crawling awkwardness starts with the introductory fiction. It's about an overweight computer nerd with glasses, bad skin, and bad hair - and everybody picks on him! There's even a pair of pictures with him looking all sad. Aww.\
46	'''[[UsefulNotes/MahatmaGandhi Gandhi]]''' would have kicked this kid's ass.
47	-->-- '''Darren [=MacLennon=]''', [[http://www.rpg.net/reviews/archive/14/14347.phtml review]] of the ''Literature/{{Wraeththu}}'' RPG
48
49	->''"It's the story of my life. I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop."''
50	-->-- '''Sugar Kane''', ''Film/SomeLikeItHot''
51
52	->'''Claret:''' And what '''[[RougeAnglesOfSatin valliant]]''' deeds did your employers do?\
53	'''Nodwick:''' They valiantly fed me to a '''hydra''', sundered an ancient seal with my '''head''', and spoiled an evil wizard's spell by substituting my '''nose''' for one of the spell components. [[SarcasmMode Huzzah.]]
54	-->-- ''ComicStrip/{{Nodwick}}'', [[http://nodwick.humor.gamespy.com/gamespyarchive/index.php?date=2001-12-05 2001-12-05]]
55
56	->'''Fran:''' Where's Manny?\
57	'''Bernard:''' He's not here.\
58	'''Fran:''' Well how can I find him?\
59	'''Bernard:''' You could become a terrible event and happen to him.
60	-->-- ''Series/BlackBooks''
61
62	->''"Why is it always me?"''
63	-->-- '''Neville Longbottom''', ''Film/HarryPotter''
64
65	->''"Hey, c'mon, make fun of the bald guy! I'll be your lightning rod of hate!"''
66	-->-- '''Colin Mochrie''', ''Series/WhoseLineIsItAnyway?''
67
68	->''"Sometimes, I think I was born to be picked on..."''
69	-->-- '''Moses Sandor''', ''VideoGame/TalesOfLegendia''
70
71	->''"Nobody likes Milhouse!"''
72	-->-- '''Dewey Largo (the music teacher)''', ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons''
73
74	->''"I was the happiest guy in the world, [[FailureIsTheOnlyOption but fate likes to play a little game called 'Up Yours, Moe']]."''
75	-->-- '''Moe''', ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons''
76
77	->"But in his experience it was only a matter of time before the normal balance of the universe restored itself and started doing the usual terrible things to him."
78	-->-- ''Literature/TheColourOfMagic'' (describing Rincewind, of course)
79
80	->''"If you're going to probe anyone, probe Chris!"''
81	-->-- '''Dan''', after he and Chris are taken by a UFO, ''WesternAnimation/DanVs''
82
83	->''"Wow. Even my dreams hate me."''
84	-->-- '''Jerry''', ''WesternAnimation/CodeMonkeys''
85
86	->''It is virtually worthless in terms of both power and speed. It is the most weak and pathetic Pokémon in the world.''
87	-->-- ''[[VideoGame/PokemonRedAndBlue Pokemon Fire Red]]'''s Pokédex entry for Magikarp
88
89	->''"I think somebody rubbed all the sixes off the dice he throws."''
90	-->-- '''[[MadScientist Kevyn Andreyasn]]''' on '''John [[SdrawkcabName der Trihs]]''', ''Webcomic/SchlockMercenary''
91
92	->''"I have every faith in your reconciliatory navigational skills, Mr. Gibbs. Now, where is that monkey? I want to shoot something!"''
93	-->-- '''Jack Sparrrow''' to '''Joshamee Gibbs''', ''Film/PiratesOfTheCaribbeanDeadMansChest''
94
95	->''Wh-Why is everyone ganging up on me? It's so unfair... It's just that... I fell in love with Ragna the Bloodedge...''
96	-->-- '''Noel Vermillion''' when all the other female characters gang up on her over Ragna in Rachel's gag ending, ''VideoGame/BlazBlueContinuumShift''
97
98	->''Why can't I do anything when it really counts!?''
99	-->-- '''Zorne Sepperin''', ''VideoGame/{{Rosenkreuzstilette}}''
100
101	->''"He hath been most notoriously abused."''
102	-->-- '''Olivia''' on '''Malvolio''', [[LampshadeHanging hanging a lampshade]] at the end of ''Theatre/TwelfthNight''
103
104	->''"Why must every [[LeaningOnTheFourthWall 11 minutes]] of my life be filled with misery? Why?"''
105	-->-- '''Squidward Tentacles''', ''WesternAnimation/SpongeBobSquarePants''
106
107	->''"I lead a cursed life!"''
108	-->-- '''Yosuke''', ''VideoGame/Persona4'', finally realizing that he is this trope
109
110	->''"Am I cursed...? Did I insult a gypsy or something...?"''
111	-->-- '''Yosuke''', after Operation: Up Close and Personal ends in a wrecked scooter, ''VideoGame/Persona4 Golden''
112
113	->'''Teddie:''' Wowee, Sensei! That was amazing! Don't you think so, whatsyourface?\
114	'''Yosuke:''' Dude, why can't I be 'Sensei'?\
115	'''Teddie:''' Because you're comic relief.
116	-->-- ''Webcomic/{{Hiimdaisy}}'s Overly Long VideoGame/Persona4 Comic''
117
118	->''"You know, at this point, I should really just accept that nobody anywhere respects me, shouldn't I?"''
119	-->-- '''[[Manga/{{Bleach}} Yumichika]]''', ''Fanfic/UninvitedGuests''
120
121	->'''[[ComicBook/AntMan Hank Pym]]:''' You can take over from here? You? [[ComicBook/IronMan Tony Stark?]] Mister [[ComicBook/CivilWar2006 Fought-against-Cap-in-the-civil-war]], [[ComicBook/WorldWarHulk shot-Hulk-into-space-and-caused-World-War-Hulk]], [[ComicBook/SecretInvasion2008 gave-the-Skrulls-everything-they-needed-to-invade-Earth]]. You're taking over? Come on, give me one good reason why--\
122	'''ComicBook/IronMan:''' [[TwoWordsAddedEmphasis Three words. You're. Hank. Pym.]]\
123	'''Hank Pym:''' Hey, come on!
124	-->-- ''ComicBook/MightyAvengers'', issue #23
125
126	->"In UsefulNotes/{{Cleveland}}, it's not a matter of ''what'' will go wrong, but ''when'' it will."
127	-->-- '''''Maxim''''', "[[http://www.maxim.com/sports/eight-sports-cities-could-use-some-serious-luck Eight Sports Cities That Could Use Some Serious Luck]]"
128
129	->''"Okay, you don't like me! We get it!"''
130	-->-- '''Allon''', ''WebAnimation/SpaceTree'' [[http://youtu.be/tgF2rOV2qxA episode 43]]
131
132	->'''Stan Marsh:''' [[TheyKilledKennyAgain Oh my God! They killed Kenny!]]\
133	'''Kyle Broflovski:''' You bastards!
134	-->-- ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark''
135
136	->''"Your life will be filled with disappointment."''
137	-->-- '''Robbie Shapiro''' while reading a fortune cookie, ''Series/{{Victorious}}''
138
139	->''Why is it that lately, all I want to do is cry?''
140	-->-- '''[[VisualNovel/PhoenixWrightAceAttorney Phoenix Wright]]''', ''Franchise/AceAttorney''
141
142	->''"I'm always the fall guy!"''
143	-->-- '''Knuckles the Echidna''', ''Anime/SonicX''
144
145	->''This is Luigi's table. It's fashionable, but not very functional. Like Luigi!''
146	-->-- ''VideoGame/MarioParty4'', description of Luigi's table in the Present Room
147
148	->''"'Champion Gear-Carrier For All Your Gear-Carrying Needs' is a pretty wordy synonym for 'Chimp Derriere, Lord of the Butt Monkeys', but I suppose it looks better on a desk plaque."''
149	-->-- ''Blog/EquestriaDaily'', [[http://www.equestriadaily.com/2014/05/equestria-games-episode-followup.html "Equestria Games" Followup Guide]]
150
151	->The day had only just begun, yet it was apparent that all the world was aligning to scheme against and completely fuck over [[WebAnimation/{{RWBY}} Jaune Arc]].
152	-->-- The fic ''[[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10640762/1/Dreamscape Dreamscape]]'', describing Jaune's reaction to being found in a bed with his best friend by his other friends
153
154	->''"[[CharacterCatchphrase Thundering typhoons!]] Everything happens to me!"''
155	-->-- '''Captain Haddock''', ''[[Franchise/{{Tintin}} The Adventures of Tintin]]''
156
157	->''"We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life."''
158	-->-- '''C-3PO''', ''Film/ANewHope''
159
160	->''"You exist solely for gags."''
161	-->-- '''Tomoyo Sakagami''' to Youhei Sunohara, ''VisualNovel/{{CLANNAD}}''
162
163	->''Every single day I gotta clean up the kitchen!\
164	Bowser's screaming at me saying scrub all of the dishes!\
165	And Junior's a gremlin, he's a monster I live with!\
166	That's the reason why I quit, 'cuz I just reached the limit!\
167	The struggle is real, I need a new job! I worked as a plumber and I once was a cop.\
168	I shot a black guy and I planted a gun by his leg.\
169	I quit the plumber job [[ToiletHumour 'cuz I got poop on my head]]!\
170	Worked at a call center but it got on my nerves!\
171	They were so rude, that's not what I deserve.\
172	[[Franchise/FiveNightsAtFreddys And a security guard at a pizza place]], the monsters came alive when you stayed too late!\
173	Had to quit Bowser, He treats me like a slave, always make me watch his brat, but I barely get paid!\
174	But I hate these other jobs, I don't know what to do!\
175	[[LampshadeHanging (Dude, your life sucks!)]]\
176	(Toad, you don't have a clue!)\
177	Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life,\
178	I kinda wish that I was white!\
179	Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life,\
180	I kinda wish that I was white!\
181	Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life,\
182	I wish that everything was right!\
183	Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life, Man I hate my life,\
184	I wish that everything was right!''
185	-->-- '''Chef Pee Pee''', ''WebVideo/SuperMarioLogan'', "Chef Pee Pee Quits (Part 6)"
186
187	->''Who gets stuck with all the bad luck? No one but Donald Duck!''
188	-->-- The end of the post-1947 ''WesternAnimation/DonaldDuck'' theme
189
190	->''"If I had a dime for every time I got my ass kicked, I might not be in crippling debt!"''
191	-->-- '''Krillin''', ''WebVideo/DragonBallZAbridged'' [[note]]Going by the Krillin Owned Counter, he'd have 3 dollars and 90 cents, so he'd ''still'' be in debt.[[/note]]
192
193	->''"Are we laughing at Yamcha? Because I'm always up for that."''
194	-->-- '''King Kai''', ''WebVideo/DragonBallZAbridged''
195
196	->''"Nobody screws Yamcha but life."''
197	-->-- '''Bulma''', ''WebVideo/DragonBallZAbridged''
198
199	->''"I've been blindsided by my son, reamed by the IRS, rejected by my lover, betrayed by my friend, molested by a truck driver, cast out by my mother, and rained on by God. And this isn't even the worst day of my life."''
200	-->-- '''Alan Harper''', ''Series/TwoAndAHalfMen''
201
202	->''This planet hates me.''
203	-->-- '''ComicBook/{{Supergirl}}''', ''ComicBook/SupergirlCosmicAdventuresInThe8thGrade''
204
205	->'''Shirley:''' Guys! Did you know that I actually have a civil against the bitch who stole my husband?\
206	'''Jeff:''' Shirley, don't sue a stripper.\
207	'''Shirley:''' Why not?\
208	'''Jeff:''' Because she's a ''stripper''. Life sued her and she ''lost''.
209	-->-- ''Series/{{Community}}''
210
211	->''"Surely I am the fool of fools on the par of no other! I am no better than that [[WesternAnimation/WileECoyoteAndTheRoadRunner stupid coyote]] or that [[WesternAnimation/DaffyDuck crazy duck]]! Look at me! Look at me! I am locked in a continuum of cartoon fools! I am doomed to a life of comic mishap adventures and social indignations! And now, here I stand before you, beaten, defeated, and alone."''
212	-->-- '''Dexter''', ''WesternAnimation/DextersLaboratory''
213
214	->''[Blackadder picks up the cat and kicks it into the air]''\
215	'''Baldrick:''' Oh, sir! Poor little Mildred the cat, what's he ever done to you?\
216	'''Blackadder:''' It is the way of the world, Baldrick. [[TheChainOfHarm The abused always kick downwards.]] I am annoyed, and so I kick the cat, the cat ''[loud squeak]'' pounces on the mouse, and finally, the mouse--\
217	'''Baldrick:''' Argh!\
218	'''Blackadder:''' --bites you on the behind.\
219	'''Baldrick:''' And what do I do?\
220	'''Blackadder:''' Nothing. You are last in God's great chain. Unless there's an earwig around here you'd like to victimize.
221	-->-- ''Series/{{Blackadder}} the Third''
222
223	->''"Go ahead... laugh. I'm used to it."''
224	-->-- '''Batbilig Chinzorig''',[[note]]The card has the person who drew it to make a funny face to the other players to try to make them laugh or else pay the penalty.[[/note]] ''Quelf''
225
226	->So let me sum up the ways in which my life sucks right now: I've had a bunch of [[HumanoidAbomination extra responsibilities]] [[SuperEmpowering dumped on me]] for no extra pay, I've had to move out of my home because [[ItMakesSenseInContext my wife's violin tried to murder me]], morale is in the shitter because of [[BrokenMasquerade the disaster in Leeds]], and for the piece de resistance, they made me wear a suit and [[PromotedToScapegoat sent me to be grilled live on TV]], because we don't have the budget to hire a public relations fixer!\
227	Yeah, it all sucks, but I suppose it could be worse. At least ''this'' time [[CallBack my line manager isn't trying to sacrifice me to an elder god]]. But it's still only May, so I suppose there's time for that to change...
228	-->-- ''[[Literature/TheLaundryFiles The Delirium Brief]]''
229
230	->To say [[FailureHero our heroes]] are cursed would be underselling it. At least curses usually have a chance of being ''lifted'' in some way.
231	-->-- '''Website/SFDebris''', on the crew of Moya in ''Series/{{Farscape}}''
232
233	->You know, as I look at these stone walls, basically I realize that, ever since leaving [[DoomedHometown Lothering]], it's been one long case of me stumbling into chaos. My success is only down to two things: my incredible skill that allows me to survive it, and that sometimes when I trip, [[ThrowTheDogABone I find myself landing facefirst on a gold ingot]].
234	-->-- '''Website/SFDebris''' reviews ''VideoGame/DragonAgeII''
235
236	->''"Since conquering Stilwater, the once small-time street gang has evolved into a media empire.\
237	A Saints movie is in development. JOHNNY GAT and SHAUNDI are pop-culture icons. And PIERCE...\
238	Well, who gives a fuck about Pierce?"''
239	-->-- ''VideoGame/SaintsRowTheThird'' opening text crawl
240
241	->[[CosmicPlaything Eddie O'Hare]] considers himself to be the unluckiest man in the entire cosmos. And, bluntly, he's got a damned fine point.
242	-->-- ''Literature/{{Colony}}''
243
244	->''"If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing well. If it's not worth doing, give it to Rimmer."''
245	-->-- ''Series/RedDwarf''
246
247	->It occurred to [[VirtualGhost Rimmer]] that nothing really nice had happened to him since his death. You'd have thought that dying in itself would be bad enough. You'd have thought a person had the right to expect that death would be just about the lowest point in that person's experience. But no. Since he'd expired, [[FromBadToWorse things had got progressively worse]].
248	->Perhaps... Rimmer's eyes began to widen... perhaps he'd died and ''actually gone to hell!'' For a terrible instant, it made horrible sense. It would be hard to imagine that anything but the devil's own gnarled, hairy testicles had spawned a creature like [[SitcomArchNemesis Lister]]. The grinning little gimboid ''admitted'' he didn't know who his parents were.
249	-->-- ''Literature/RedDwarf: Backwards''
250
251	->''"The things I do for love..."''
252	-->-- '''WesternAnimation/CourageTheCowardlyDog''', bemoaning the perilous situations he's always put through to save Muriel
253
254	->''"Your very existence is grounds for a whole genre of jokes."''
255	-->-- '''Cegorach''' to '''Magnus the Red''', ''WebAnimation/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice''
256
257	->''"On you, little man, I don't want to waste much time; you've been pushed around all your life.\
258	You've been pushed around by your mother, and your sister and your brother.\
259	And if you were married... [[HenpeckedHusband you'd be pushed around by your wife]]!"''
260	-->-- '''Dr. Facilier''' to '''Lawrence''', ''WesternAnimation/ThePrincessAndTheFrog''
261
262	->'''WesternAnimation/BugsBunny:''' I'm tellin' ya, Daffy, I heard the Warner Brothers say that ''you'' were their best duck.\
263	'''WesternAnimation/DaffyDuck:''' Flattered though I may be, ''flattened'' I will not, in order for you to get the laughs. It's all "Hoo-hoo! Yuk-yuk!" and then "[[SayingSoundEffectsOutLoud BAM, WHAM, BLAM!]]"\
264	'''Bugs:''' And your tail is on fire.\
265	'''Daffy:''' Exactly my point! And--\
266	'''Bugs:''' [[NotHyperbole No, really, your tail's on fire.]]\
267	'''Daffy:''' '''[[PainPoweredLeap YEOW!]]''' ''[runs around hollering while Bugs laughs]''\
268	'''Bugs:''' Daff, you're accident-prone.\
269	'''Daffy:''' ''[extinguishes tail]'' Ugh... what am I even talking to you for? All you have to do is munch on a carrot and people love you.
270	-->-- ''Film/LooneyTunesBackInAction''
271
272	->''"Just too much to ask to cut me one break, is that it?"''
273	-->-- '''Sazh Katzroy''', ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyXIII''
274
275	->''"You have a real talent of getting your ass kicked."''
276	-->-- '''[[spoiler:Lila]]''' to '''Cassel''', ''[[Literature/TheCurseWorkers White Cat]]''
277
278	->''"Why, whenever something's going on, it's always on my balcony?"''
279	-->-- '''Jack Manifold''' in response to Niki being imprisoned on his balcony by [[TheDictatorship the Schlatt administration]], ''WebVideo/DreamSMP'' [[note]]It's because of his house's close proximity to (L')Manburg and its Podium[[/note]]
280
281	->''"Okay, I guess I'm just this entire family's toilet paper."''
282	-->-- '''Jerry''', ''WesternAnimation/RickAndMorty'', "[[Recap/RickAndMortyS2E9LookWhosPurgingNow Look Who's Purging Now]]"
283
284	->''"The man is a psychic magnet for tragedy!"''
285	-->-- '''Carnage''' on '''Spider-Man''', ''ComicBook/SpiderMan: The Trial of Peter Parker''
286
287	->''"God fucking damn it, leave me alone! There's an anti-bullying rule!"''
288	-->-- '''Joko''', ''WebVideo/SMPLive''
289
290	->'''Dick Dastardly:''' What?! Why is it always me!?\
291	'''Penelope Pitstop:''' 'Cause the viewers at home think it's funny!\
292	'''Dick Dastardly:''' Gosh, kiddies. You don't want to see your old Uncle Dicky savaged by a pack of wild gorillas, do you...?\
293	'''Viewer:''' I kinda do.
294	-->-- ''WesternAnimation/WackyRaces2017''
295
296	->''"One nightmare after another!"''
297	-->-- '''Sebastian J. Cricket''', ''WesternAnimation/GuillermoDelTorosPinocchio''

Context Quotes / ButtMonkey