| 1 | [[foldercontrol]] |
| 2 | |
| 3 | [[folder:Anime and Manga]] |
| 4 | ->'''[[VisualNovel/FateStayNight Rider]]:''' Um, I have this [[TheDitz "Airhead"]] as a skill...\ |
| 5 | '''Shinji:''' Liar! Your status page isn't even updated!! |
| 6 | -->-- ''Anime/CarnivalPhantasm'' |
| 7 | |
| 8 | -> '''Nobita''': It... it followed me home, alright? |
| 9 | -->-- ''Anime/DoraemonNobitaAndTheGreenGiantLegend'', after Nobita's mother caught him sneaking a plant sapling into the house |
| 10 | |
| 11 | ->'''Shirogane:''' There's no need to study for exams. There should be no problems if you're studying right along. Last-minute cramming is absurd. You'll just wreck your health.\ |
| 12 | '''Narrator:''' That was a lie. This young man has even taken a leave of absence from his part-time job so he could stay up studying in the ten nights before the test.\ |
| 13 | '''Kaguya:''' That's a good point. Tests are a reflection of your own abilities. Even if you push yourself hard and get a decent score, that doesn't predict the future. The best thing to do is take it in a relaxed manner.\ |
| 14 | '''Narrator:''' That was a lie. This young lady is taking the finals extremely seriously.\ |
| 15 | '''Ishigami:''' I'm studying hard for finals this time around. Well, I'm going home to study.\ |
| 16 | '''Narrator:''' That was a lie. This young man only wants to continue playing the video game he bought recently. He has the nerve to buy a game right before exams.\ |
| 17 | [...]\ |
| 18 | '''Kaguya:''' And the amount you study won't necessarily translate into higher scores. Not studying is indeed a viable choice.\ |
| 19 | '''Narrator:''' Lies.\ |
| 20 | '''Shirogane:''' That's right. Instead of studying, in the days before a test, I just sit cross-legged and focus on the subject.\ |
| 21 | '''Narrator:''' Lies.\ |
| 22 | '''Fujiwara:''' I see. Understood. I won't study!\ |
| 23 | '''Narrator:''' She's serious. |
| 24 | -->-- ''Manga/KaguyaSamaLoveIsWar'' |
| 25 | [[/folder]] |
| 26 | |
| 27 | [[folder:Comic Books]] |
| 28 | ->'''[[ComicBook/{{Supergirl}} Linda Danvers]]:''' Then why'd you tell me you were at Symphony Hall when you talked to me on the phone that day?\ |
| 29 | '''Philip:''' D-did I...?\ |
| 30 | '''Linda:''' If you're going to lie, at least try to be consistent! |
| 31 | -->-- ''ComicBook/Supergirl1982'' |
| 32 | |
| 33 | ->''Forgive my manners, captain. Allow me to introduce myself: my name is Scorpius...and I am here to serve you.'' |
| 34 | -->-- '''Scorpius''', ''Series/{{Farscape}}: Let Sleeping Dogs Lie'' |
| 35 | |
| 36 | ->'''Fake Makeup Artist:''' Just have a seat, and I'll put on your makeup.\ |
| 37 | '''Supergirl:''' Thanks, but I think I can handle it myself. But tell me-- Why is there a greenish tint to it?\ |
| 38 | '''Fake Makeup Artist:''' It won't photograph that way... It's just a-- um-- special formula for live color broadcasts!\ |
| 39 | '''Supergirl:''' I'm familiar enough with tv-makeup to know that's a crock, lady! |
| 40 | -->-- ''ComicBook/TheStrangeRevengeOfLenaLuthor'' |
| 41 | |
| 42 | ->'''Martha Kent:''' ''"Kara...Are you sure you're all right, dear? You're looking a little pale..."''\ |
| 43 | '''[[ComicBook/{{Supergirl}} Kara Kent]]:''' ''"Oh, no, I'm fine, really! I, uh, just ate too much, is all..."''\ |
| 44 | [...]\ |
| 45 | '''[[ComicBook/{{Superman}} Clark Kent]]:''' ''"So...You want to talk about it?"''\ |
| 46 | '''Kara Kent:''' ''"Is it that obvious?"''\ |
| 47 | '''Clark Kent:''' ''"'Ate too much'? You barely touched your food, Kara."''\ |
| 48 | '''Kara Kent:''' (sighing) ''"Didn't need X-Ray Vision to see right through me, huh?"'' |
| 49 | -->-- ''ComicBook/SupergirlAdventuresGirlOfSteel'' |
| 50 | |
| 51 | ->'''Cringer:''' ''"I knew I should've found instead some nice, safe corner of the stables in which to take my rest!"''\ |
| 52 | '''Adam:''' ''"You complain overly much, cat! I wouldn't dream of disturbing your sleep were it not important!"''\ |
| 53 | '''Cringer:''' ''"HA! A likely story, my prince! Sometimes I think you take pleasure in badgering this poor cat with your dangerous escapades!"'' |
| 54 | -->-- "ComicBook/FateIsTheKiller" |
| 55 | [[/folder]] |
| 56 | |
| 57 | [[folder:Comic Strips]] |
| 58 | ->Please excuse Calvin from class today. His genius is urgently required on a top secret matter of national security.\ |
| 59 | Sincerely, The President.\ |
| 60 | P.S. Really. |
| 61 | -->-- A letter given to [[SternTeacher Mrs. Wormwood]], ''ComicStrip/CalvinAndHobbes'' |
| 62 | |
| 63 | ->'''Calvin:''' Dad! Dad! Outer space aliens just landed in the back yard!\ |
| 64 | '''Calvin's Dad:''' Oh really. What do they look like?\ |
| 65 | '''Calvin:''' Sort of like big baked potatoes with laser guns. I think we should do what they say.\ |
| 66 | '''Calvin's Dad:''' Did they say what they want?\ |
| 67 | '''Calvin:''' Yeah, they want 10 dollars.\ |
| 68 | '''Calvin's Dad:''' I bet they do.\ |
| 69 | '''Calvin:''' Since you're so busy you can just give the money to me, and I'll take it over to them. |
| 70 | -->-- ''ComicStrip/CalvinAndHobbes'' |
| 71 | |
| 72 | ->'''Calvin:''' Quick, mom! Aliens just landed in the back yard! They demand to talk to you! You go on out! I'll guard the cookies in the kitchen! Quick! Hurry! ''(thinking)'' She's not buying this.\ |
| 73 | '''Calvin's Mom:''' Calvin, just how dumb do you think I am? |
| 74 | -->-- ''ComicStrip/CalvinAndHobbes'' |
| 75 | |
| 76 | ->'''Calvin's Dad:''' What's all the ruckus?! You're supposed to be asleep! And what's with all these feathers?! Are you tearing up your pillows?!\ |
| 77 | '''Calvin:''' It was incredible, dad! A herd of ducks flew in the window and molted! They left when they heard you coming! Honest!\ |
| 78 | '''Hobbes:''' Nice alibi, frizzletop! No dessert for a week!\ |
| 79 | '''Calvin:''' You want another pillow across the kisser? I didn't hear ''you'' offer any brainstorms! |
| 80 | -->-- ''ComicStrip/CalvinAndHobbes'' |
| 81 | |
| 82 | ->'''Dilbert:''' Why have you ignored my request, Ted?\ |
| 83 | '''Ted:''' I was killed by a squadron of giant military squirrels.\ |
| 84 | '''Wally:''' He doesn't respect you enough to tell a plausible lie.\ |
| 85 | '''Dilbert:''' I demand a ''plausible'' lie!\ |
| 86 | '''Ted:''' Okay, maybe I ''wasn't'' killed by giant military squirrels. But I ''was'' imprisoned in their secret lair at the center of the earth.\ |
| 87 | '''Wally:''' You can't prove that one either way.\ |
| 88 | '''Dilbert:''' He did say it was a "secret" lair. |
| 89 | -->-- ''ComicStrip/{{Dilbert}}'' |
| 90 | [[/folder]] |
| 91 | |
| 92 | [[folder:Fan Works]] |
| 93 | ->'''Light:''' No one is listening to you, Ryuk.\ |
| 94 | '''Sayu:''' What does "Ryuk" mean?\ |
| 95 | '''Light:''' Uh, It's my new name for you. It means Music/{{Kesha}} in Japanese. |
| 96 | -->-- ''WebVideo/DeathNoteTheAbridgedSeriesKpts4tv'' |
| 97 | |
| 98 | ->So he walked through the door as the little man opened it for him, and did indeed give the secretary a big smile, so big that she wondered if something was wrong. He assured her that nothing was, which, in five minutes' time, made her call the police.\ |
| 99 | But that was far too long a time. |
| 100 | -->-- ''Fanfic/HereThereBeMonsters'' |
| 101 | |
| 102 | ->'''Kate Kane:''' "Linda. I want to apologize for this morning. I want to apologize about the towel thing."\ |
| 103 | '''Linda Danvers''': "Oh... Wait, why do you have to apologize? I'm the one who invaded your room. Besides, after seeing Wonder Woman walk around in the nude so many times, you get used to it."\ |
| 104 | '''Kate Kane:''' "Excuse me?"\ |
| 105 | '''Linda Danvers''': "What I-- what I meant was that I've been covering the peace talks in DC. That's where I've been the past several days. Anyhow, the only time I could speak to Wonder Woman was in the early morning and she always takes a shower in the morning. Every time I spoke to her, she had just gotten out of the shower. I guess growing up on an island with nothing but women doesn't make you shy." |
| 106 | -->-- ''Fanfic/UltimateDCUHeadverse'' |
| 107 | |
| 108 | ->"You saw it, didn't you?"\ |
| 109 | [[VideoGame/{{Omori}} Basil]] was standing before [[VideoGame/{{Psychonauts}} Razputin]], stressed out, with stir crazy eyes, armed with garden shears.\ |
| 110 | "Whaaaattt, nooo…I was just…taking a walk?"\ |
| 111 | Not even in Basil's world would that kind of excuse slide, and it showed, as something appeared out of the boy's torso, almost enveloping him with it's shark-like teeth and black tendrils. |
| 112 | -->--''Fanfic/PsychOmoriNautsOperationWeedOutToSunset'' |
| 113 | [[/folder]] |
| 114 | |
| 115 | [[folder:Film -- Animated]] |
| 116 | ->''[[ComicBook/{{Wolverine}} Logan]], I think we lost him!'' |
| 117 | -->-- '''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}''', as ComicBook/TheIncredibleHulk is three feet behind them, ''WesternAnimation/HulkVs Wolverine'' |
| 118 | |
| 119 | ->''"Hi, I am... Sorry. I accidentally dropped a few things back there. Except for that douche, I don't know whose that is."'' |
| 120 | -->-- '''Camille Too''', ''WesternAnimation/SausageParty'' |
| 121 | |
| 122 | ->''"I think he did it!"'' |
| 123 | -->-- '''The Once-ler''', claiming a very small animal cut down a tree, ''WesternAnimation/TheLorax2012'' |
| 124 | |
| 125 | ->'''Security Guard:''' I know you snuck out last night, Morales!\ |
| 126 | '''Miles: ''' (thinking) Play dumb.\ |
| 127 | '''Miles:''' ...Who's Morales?\ |
| 128 | '''Miles:''' (thinking) Not ''that'' dumb! |
| 129 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/SpiderManIntoTheSpiderVerse'' |
| 130 | [[/folder]] |
| 131 | |
| 132 | [[folder:Film -- Live-Action]] |
| 133 | ->'''Mrs. Teasdale:''' Your Excellency, I thought you'd left!\ |
| 134 | '''Chicolini:''' Oh no, I no leave.\ |
| 135 | '''Mrs. Teasdale:''' But I saw you with my own eyes!\ |
| 136 | '''Chicolini:''' Well, who you gonna believe, me or your own eyes? |
| 137 | -->-- ''Film/DuckSoup'' |
| 138 | |
| 139 | ->'''Quill:''' You look like Film/MaryPoppins!\ |
| 140 | '''Yondu:''' Is he cool?\ |
| 141 | '''Quill:''' ...Hell yeah, he's cool.\ |
| 142 | '''Yondu:''' I'm Marry Poppins, y'all! |
| 143 | -->-- ''Film/GuardiansOfTheGalaxyVol2'' |
| 144 | |
| 145 | ->''You have nice manners for a thief, and a ''LIAR! |
| 146 | -->-- '''Smaug''', ''Film/TheHobbitTheDesolationOfSmaug'' |
| 147 | |
| 148 | ->'''Mook:''' It's fine. Everything's under control...\ |
| 149 | '''Frank:''' Under control? You're grabbing a fucking bazooka, dumbass! |
| 150 | -->-- ''Film/KickAss'' |
| 151 | |
| 152 | ->''She... she gets serious nightmares.'' |
| 153 | -->-- '''Paulie''' caught entangled with her girlfriend by a roommate, ''Film/LostAndDelirious'' |
| 154 | |
| 155 | ->''I love democracy. I love the Republic.'' |
| 156 | -->-- '''[[VillainWithGoodPublicity Supreme Chancellor]] [[BigBad Palpatine]]''', ''Film/AttackOfTheClones'' |
| 157 | |
| 158 | ->''Don't run! We are your friends!'' |
| 159 | -->-- '''The Martians''' while blasting everything in sight with laser guns, ''Film/MarsAttacks'' |
| 160 | |
| 161 | ->''I did say that, but nothing I ever told you was true.'' |
| 162 | -->-- '''Mark''' to Amber, ''Film/{{The Other Woman|2014}}'' |
| 163 | |
| 164 | ->''That guy was already up there when I got here.'' |
| 165 | -->-- '''ComicBook/{{Deadpool}}''', after telling Colossus that nobody's getting hurt, ''Film/{{Deadpool|2016}}'' |
| 166 | |
| 167 | ->''"It could be out there suffering. And I know you'd want to help me find it so I could ki-... care for it."'' |
| 168 | -->-- '''Jacques [=LaFleur=]''', ''Film/HarryAndTheHendersons'' |
| 169 | |
| 170 | ->'''Suzette Fremont:''' Hey! You wouldn't sacrifice me on this altar, would you?\ |
| 171 | '''Fuad Ramses:''' Of... of course not, my dear. Of course not. Lie down. |
| 172 | -->-- ''Film/BloodFeast'' |
| 173 | |
| 174 | ->'''Cindy Campbell:''' Someone murdered my friends!\ |
| 175 | '''Cindy's Dad:''' Yeah! And the sick bastard planted drugs all over the house! |
| 176 | -->-- ''Film/ScaryMovie'' |
| 177 | |
| 178 | ->'''Hancock''': What is this? Who are we to each other?\ |
| 179 | '''Mary''': We’re brother and sister.\ |
| 180 | '''Hancock''': That’s a lie.\ |
| 181 | '''Mary''': No, I’m your sister.\ |
| 182 | '''Hancock''': That is a lie.\ |
| 183 | '''Mary''': I’m your sister!\ |
| 184 | '''Hancock''': That is a lie.\ |
| 185 | '''Mary''': No!\ |
| 186 | '''Hancock''': Sisters don’t kiss brothers the way you kissed me last night. You’re lying. Deal's off! Let’s go see how Ray feels about this. |
| 187 | -->-- ''Film/{{Hancock}}'' |
| 188 | ---- |
| 189 | [[/folder]] |
| 190 | |
| 191 | [[folder:Literature]] |
| 192 | ->''It was a difficult time. I did all that I could to protect my House and then other members of Court in attendance. More's the pity that I could not save that usurping, traitorous bitch.'' |
| 193 | -->-- '''Lara Raith''' in one of her blunter moments, ''Literature/WhiteNight'' |
| 194 | |
| 195 | ->'''Wedge:''' We'll need [[NoodleImplements a wheeled transport, one of the flatcam units our pursuers are carrying, and four sets of women's clothing]].\ |
| 196 | '''Hobbie:''' Boss, please tell me you're not putting us in women's clothing.\ |
| 197 | '''Wedge:''' Very well. I'm not putting us in women's clothing.\ |
| 198 | (''In the next chapter, [[GilliganCut the four pilots are in women's clothing]]'')\ |
| 199 | '''Hobbie:''' You lied to me.\ |
| 200 | '''Wedge:''' I did. [[AssInAmbassador With my brilliant achievements in the diplomatic profession]] has come the realization that lies can be powerful motivators.\ |
| 201 | '''Hobbie:''' My faith is shattered.\ |
| 202 | '''Wedge:''' You knew, when I said we needed four sets of women's clothing, that we were going to end up in them. You ''knew''. So any hopes you had to the contrary were just self-delusion.\ |
| 203 | '''Hobbie:''' I understand that. But I'd rather blame you than me. |
| 204 | -->-- ''Literature/XWingSeries: Starfighters of Adumar'' |
| 205 | |
| 206 | ->"Nice to meet you," Brad was soon to learn, was the phrase in [[HorribleHollywood Hollywood]] you could trust second least, right after "I'm a big fan." |
| 207 | -->-- ''Literature/{{Repeat}}'' |
| 208 | |
| 209 | ->''1. A crocodile bit my head off and I'm not talking to anyone. 2. I have got a rare disease called party-itis which brings me out in terrible spots.'' |
| 210 | -->-- ''Literature/DirtyBertie'', part of a list written by Bertie, "Worms!" |
| 211 | |
| 212 | ->'''Brigadier Beauras:''' ''"Nobody, ''nobody'', my boy, has ever told you to come here to pick strawberries. It is not true."''\ |
| 213 | '''Grisón:''' ''"No, sir, but I got lost..."''\ |
| 214 | '''Brigadier Beauras''': ''"It's serious to get lost in the forbidden zone."''\ |
| 215 | '''Grisón:''' ''"I didn't do it on purpose, sir."''\ |
| 216 | '''Brigadier Beauras:''' ''"'Didn't you do it on purpose?"' The nerve of it. That is not a good excuse. First of all, there are no strawberries to be found around here. Especially in winter."''\ |
| 217 | '''Grisón:''' ''"It's spring, sir."''\ |
| 218 | '''Brigadier Beauras:''' ''"Yes, I know. Since this morning."'' |
| 219 | -->-- ''Literature/AHoleInTheFence'' |
| 220 | [[/folder]] |
| 221 | |
| 222 | [[folder:Live-Action TV]] |
| 223 | ->''Sometimes the truth hurts. In these situations, I recommend lying.'' |
| 224 | -->-- ''Series/BurnNotice'' |
| 225 | |
| 226 | ->'''Shcherbina:''' Why did I see graphite on the roof? Graphite is only found in the core where it's used as a neutron flux modulator, (addressing Legasov) correct?\ |
| 227 | '''Bryukhanov:''' (looks at Shcherbina [[OhCrap with an "Oh, fuck!" sort of facial expression]], then turns to Fomin) Fomin, why did the Deputy Chairman see graphite on the roof?\ |
| 228 | '''Fomin:''' Well, that... that can't be. Comrade Shcherbina, my apologies, but graphite... that's not possible. Perhaps you saw burnt concrete?\ |
| 229 | '''Shcherbina:''' Now ''there'', you made a mistake, because I may not know much about nuclear reactors, but I know a lot about concrete. |
| 230 | -->-- ''Series/{{Chernobyl}}'' |
| 231 | |
| 232 | ->''I'll just go in this police box and arrest myself.'' |
| 233 | -->-- '''The Doctor''', whose spaceship resembles a police box, ''Series/DoctorWho'' |
| 234 | |
| 235 | ->'''The Doctor:''' I don't suppose you've completely ignored my instructions and secretly prepared any Nitro-9, have you?\ |
| 236 | '''Ace:''' What if I had?\ |
| 237 | '''The Doctor:''' Naturally, you wouldn't do anything so insanely dangerous as to carry it around with you, would you?\ |
| 238 | '''Ace:''' Of course not. I'm a good girl, I do what I'm told.\ |
| 239 | '''The Doctor:''' Excellent. Blow up that vehicle.\ |
| 240 | '''Ace:''' (''delighted grin'') |
| 241 | -->-- ''Series/DoctorWho'', "Silver Nemesis" |
| 242 | |
| 243 | ->'''Dougal:''' Why didn't you lie to him?\ |
| 244 | '''Ted:''' I did! I told him great big massive lies with feckin' bells hanging off them! |
| 245 | -->-- ''Series/FatherTed'', "Entertaining Father Stone" |
| 246 | |
| 247 | ->''CAN YOU PLEASE SHUT UP... for one fucking minute? I'm asking nicely.'' |
| 248 | -->-- '''Glenn Cullen''', ''Series/TheThickOfIt'' |
| 249 | |
| 250 | ->''The truth.'' |
| 251 | -->-- '''Patrick Kielty''', answering "Unlikely Things to Hear in a TV Election Debate", ''Series/MockTheWeek'' |
| 252 | |
| 253 | ->''I just want us to be friends.'' |
| 254 | -->-- '''Randall Flynn''', a man who says this twice to people who came to wish they never made a deal with him, and his definition of "friend" is quite twisted, ''Series/{{Revolution}}'', "[[Recap/RevolutionS1E7TheChildrensCrusade The Children's Crusade]]" |
| 255 | |
| 256 | ->'''Joe:''' She ''murdered'' him?\ |
| 257 | '''Matt:''' A mercy-killing, she'd call it.\ |
| 258 | '''Joe:''' So when did you find out about this? I mean, when did you know that this had happened?\ |
| 259 | '''Matt:''' [[UnreliableNarrator Uh... I saw it on a newscast, I think.]]\ |
| 260 | ''([[GilliganCut Cut to]] Matt and the rest of the group staring in horror at the livestream of Jennifer forcing poison into Harry's mouth)''\ |
| 261 | '''Matt:''' Wipe and destroy everything. Okay? ''Everything!'' Now, go! |
| 262 | -->-- ''Recap/BlackMirrorWhiteChristmas'' |
| 263 | |
| 264 | ->'''Miles Edward O'Brien''': "Any idea who stole it?" |
| 265 | ->'''Nog''': "It happened at Quark's. I put it on the table and there were some Vulcans nearby--" |
| 266 | ->'''O'Brien''': "Hold on-- you were saying... ''Vulcans'' stole your homework?!" |
| 267 | ->'''Nog''': "Yes, sir." |
| 268 | ->'''O'Brien''': "Any idea why?" |
| 269 | ->'''Nog''': "Because they don't have ethics?" |
| 270 | -->-- ''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'', "The Nagus" (Vulcans are known for being a very ethical species) |
| 271 | |
| 272 | ->''I'm just here to lend a helping hand, you know, make sure [[TheCartel the business]] is running in order. A got a--I got a good head for numbers. But listen, don't even worry, it's gonna be like [[TheSociopath I'm]] [[TheHeavy not]] [[FauxAffablyEvil even]] [[MaskofSanity here]].'' |
| 273 | -->--'''Lalo Salamanca''', ''Series/BetterCallSaul'' |
| 274 | |
| 275 | ->'''Howard:''' ''[nervously]'' Who are you?\ |
| 276 | '''Old Gregg:''' I'm Old Gregg. Pleased to meetcha.\ |
| 277 | '''Howard:''' What do you want?\ |
| 278 | '''Old Gregg:''' Maybe I should ask you the same question. Whatcha doin' in my waters?\ |
| 279 | '''Howard:''' Just... take in the air, you know? Not fishing!\ |
| 280 | '''Old Gregg:''' ''[pulling on the fishing line currently attached to his head]'' Then how come this hook's in my head, fool?\ |
| 281 | '''Howard:''' It's nothing to do with me, sir.\ |
| 282 | '''Old Gregg:''' ''It's attached to your rod, motherlicker!'' |
| 283 | -->-- ''Series/TheMightyBoosh'' |
| 284 | |
| 285 | ->'''Zack:''' Hey! A bowling trophy! Arwin, you bowl?\ |
| 286 | '''Arwin:''' No, no, no. I found that in the trash. Makes a great paperweight.\ |
| 287 | '''Zack:''' But it says, "First Place: Arwin Hawkhauser".\ |
| 288 | '''Arwin:''' That's... my sister. It's her trophy. She won it.\ |
| 289 | '''Zack:''' She has the same first name as you?\ |
| 290 | '''Arwin:''' We were a poor family. We could only afford one name. |
| 291 | -->--''Series/TheSuiteLifeOfZackAndCody'' |
| 292 | |
| 293 | [[/folder]] |
| 294 | |
| 295 | [[folder:Music]] |
| 296 | ->''I didn't write the words you hear me singing\ |
| 297 | I didn't sing the line before this one\ |
| 298 | You know, you're not the one I was addressing\ |
| 299 | That person took a trip to Africa\ |
| 300 | Where he met the consulate from Belgium\ |
| 301 | Who is now a Buddhist in a cave\ |
| 302 | Who is pitching for the Oakland Raiders'' |
| 303 | -->-- '''Music/TheyMightBeGiants''', "Weep Day" |
| 304 | |
| 305 | ->''Here on Fibber Island, (''Here on Fibber Island!'') no one sings along (''No one sings along!'')'' |
| 306 | -->-- '''Music/TheyMightBeGiants''', "Fibber Island" |
| 307 | |
| 308 | ->'''Genesis P-Orridge:''' Uh, we're Music/ThrobbingGristle, and we'd just like to make a small announcement: all the sounds you hear tonight are generated live as we're playing, there are no prepared backing tapes and no Revoxes.\ |
| 309 | (''tape plays'')\ |
| 310 | '''Tape:''' Uh, we're Throbbing Gristle, and we'd just like to make a small announcement: all the sounds you hear tonight are generated live as we're playing, there are no prepared backing tapes and no Revoxes. |
| 311 | -->-- From a 1980 show at Sheffield University |
| 312 | |
| 313 | ->''I'm\ |
| 314 | Definitely not an imposter\ |
| 315 | If I was\ |
| 316 | Then I wouldn't be one\ |
| 317 | 'Cause I'm not one\ |
| 318 | [[InsaneTrollLogic Even if I was I wouldn't say that I wasn't]]\ |
| 319 | 'Cause I'm not!\ |
| 320 | It's impossible\ |
| 321 | '''Implausible'''\ |
| 322 | I'm an [[DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment imposter imposter]]\ |
| 323 | Obviously I'm not an imposter\ |
| 324 | Honest to God!\ |
| 325 | I should [[ThrownOutTheAirlock toss y'all]]\ |
| 326 | Like a rotten salad\ |
| 327 | Any evidence against me\ |
| 328 | Far from valid\ |
| 329 | [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial Like I'd never snap your neck\ |
| 330 | Or stab your back\ |
| 331 | Or crawl up through the smallest vent - attack]]\ |
| 332 | An imposter's a role I could never fulfil\ |
| 333 | [[ImmediateSelfContradiction (If you don't believe me, ask the guy that I just killed)]]'' |
| 334 | -->-- '''[[VideoGame/AmongUs Cyan [=Crewmate/Imposter=]]]''', "''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KByREO4gB0M Imposter Imperceptible]]''" by '''[=NerdOut=]''' |
| 335 | |
| 336 | [[/folder]] |
| 337 | |
| 338 | [[folder:Stand-Up Comedy]] |
| 339 | ->'''Cop:''' What's going on, sir? You seem to be injured.\ |
| 340 | '''Uncle Donnie:''' Oh, this! I got to tell you, some fucking psycho just cut my fucking hand off and made limb stew out of those three mutilated fuckers floating around the boat, here. He's swimming that way if you want to fucking catch the bastard.\ |
| 341 | '''Cop:''' Sir, have you been drinking?\ |
| 342 | '''Uncle Donnie:''' I had a few chardonnays, what of it?\ |
| 343 | '''Cop:''' You're going to have to come with us.\ |
| 344 | '''Uncle Donnie:''' Alright, Sherlock Holmes, I killed them. But, you'll never catch me 'cuz I'm the fastest fucking butterfly swimmer in the fucking world! |
| 345 | -->-- '''Creator/AdamSandler''', "The Psychotic Legend of Uncle Donnie" |
| 346 | [[/folder]] |
| 347 | |
| 348 | [[folder:Video Games]] |
| 349 | ->''Zozo? Never heard of it.'' |
| 350 | -->-- A thief standing by the entrance of [[WretchedHive Zozo]], ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyVI'' |
| 351 | |
| 352 | ->'''Maurice Chavez:''' Mr. Shrub, you got elected on a campaign promising to reduce taxes to zero. But under your stewardship, we've seen taxes go up by 20% and services decline!\ |
| 353 | '''Alex Shrub:''' No one is interested in your ''statistics'', Chavez. Let me tell you something pal, I'm better than that. I will not -- I shall not -- I ''cannot'' stoop to your level! They assured me that this was a show that understood politics, where we can debate mano-a-mano. And I find myself having ''statistics'' hurled at me like so much stale confetti. We cannot boil people down to numbers! |
| 354 | -->-- ''VideoGame/GrandTheftAutoViceCity'', ''Pressing Issues'' |
| 355 | |
| 356 | ->''Hello i am in braille'' |
| 357 | -->-- A book translated from Morse Code, ''[[VideoGame/ASuperMarioThing A Super Mario Bros X Thing]]'' |
| 358 | |
| 359 | ->'''Jade:''' Well now... I'll just ask him a little about Mt. Roneal... Please wait outside, everyone.\ |
| 360 | (''[[RelaxOVision everyone is outside, with Jade alone with Dist in the room]]'')\ |
| 361 | '''Jade:''' [[{{Beat}} ...]]\ |
| 362 | '''Dist:''' (''while the ground is shaking'') ... AAAAAAHHH!! S-stop! Stop! You're killing me!! Jade, I'm sorryyyyyy!!!\ |
| 363 | '''Jade:''' (''comes out alone, completely deadpan'') It seems the earthquakes have led to more frequent avalanches. Also, an extremely powerful monster has taken up residence in the deeper parts. The monsters in the area have likely grown aggressive due to at influence.\ |
| 364 | '''Luke:''' O-okay... Um, about that scream just now...\ |
| 365 | '''Jade:''' Oh, that was nothing. Now let's be going.\ |
| 366 | '''Luke:''' Right... |
| 367 | -->-- ''VideoGame/TalesOfTheAbyss'' |
| 368 | |
| 369 | ->''There's a limit, even to obvious lies.'' |
| 370 | -->-- '''Reimu Hakurei''', ''Franchise/TouhouProject'' |
| 371 | |
| 372 | ->'''Eiki Shiki, Yamaxanadu:''' Let's talk about you, instead. Yes, you are a little too comfortable with lying.\ |
| 373 | '''Marisa Kirisame:''' That isn't true. I haven't told a single lie since I was born. |
| 374 | -->-- ''VideoGame/TouhouKaeidzukaPhantasmagoriaOfFlowerView'' |
| 375 | |
| 376 | ->''Suddenly, I noticed that Picky was gone. I blame the cops... it certainly wasn't my fault at all.'' |
| 377 | -->-- '''Porky Minch''', ''VideoGame/EarthBound1994'' |
| 378 | |
| 379 | ->''"Tigron Enterprises - the world's favorite anti-gravity racing team. There has been all manner of malicious rumors circulated about the origins of our successful company, but all of those rumors are untrue. All you need to know is that Tigron is at the very pinnacle of anti-gravity racing, and that our latest contest will see victory finally in the hands of those most worthy of it."'' |
| 380 | -->-- Bio of '''[[TheMafiya Tigron Enterprises]]''' in the game manual, ''[[VideoGame/{{Wipeout}} WipEout Fusion]]'' |
| 381 | |
| 382 | ->''I'm not going to stick my butt out or anything, though.'' |
| 383 | -->-- '''Wess''', ''VideoGame/Mother3'' |
| 384 | |
| 385 | ->'''Berdly:''' Queen! I've been looking everywhere to show you [[OurFounder this]]! A monument to our greatness...Together.\ |
| 386 | '''Queen:''' Oh...It's...Um...How Do I Put This...Very...[[DamnedByFaintPraise Smart]] ''[[BadLiar (Queen's visor displays the word "LYING" at this point)]]''\ |
| 387 | '''Queen:''' So Smart You Are I Love Tolerating You\ |
| 388 | '''Berdly:''' Haha! I KNEW you'd be enamored! Such perfect taste.\ |
| 389 | '''Queen:''' Very Cool Statue I Did Not Know You Had...[[NonMammalMammaries Nipples]]\ |
| 390 | '''Berdly:''' I will SOON...in our ideal world. Kris, feel free to admire our craftsmanship. Queen and I have PLANS to consider.\ |
| 391 | '''Queen:''' Haha Yes So Good Looking Forward To That\ |
| 392 | '''Queen:''' Mmm Yum Yum Yum Yum Yum |
| 393 | -->-- ''VideoGame/{{Deltarune}}'' |
| 394 | |
| 395 | ->'''Shoka''': C'mon, just give us a sign here, [[AffectionateNickname Big Su]].\ |
| 396 | '''Rindo''': "Big Su"?\ |
| 397 | '''Shoka''': ''(gasps)'' ... Wh-who said that? Wasn't me. |
| 398 | -->-- ''VideoGame/NeoTheWorldEndsWithYou'' |
| 399 | |
| 400 | ->'''Syntax:''' WELCOME. PLEASE STATE YOUR IDENTITY.\ |
| 401 | '''Carol:''' Uh... totally not an intruder?\ |
| 402 | '''Syntax:''' I'M SORRY. I DID NOT UNDERSTAND: "totally not an intruder". DID YOU MEAN "INTRUDER"?\ |
| 403 | '''Carol:''' ...Well, it was worth a shot. BRING ON THE PUNCHING BAGS!\ |
| 404 | '''Syntax:''' ENEMIES DETECTED. EXECUTING SLAUGHTER SEQUENCE #2. |
| 405 | -->--''VideoGame/FreedomPlanet2'' |
| 406 | |
| 407 | ->'''Atreus''': Mimir... not sure how to ask this. There's stories Odin told me - like how he lost his eye - where the details are different from stories you've told me. And I trust you, of course, but... they don't seem like things he'd have a reason to lie about either.\ |
| 408 | '''Mimir''': One thing to remember about liars, lad: ''[[ShapedLikeItself they lie]]''. They do it on principle. No issue too big or too small. They lie about anything they can get away with - and some things that they can't - just to demonstrate their power over reality. You must always bear that in mind. |
| 409 | -->--''Videogame/GodOfWarRagnarok'' |
| 410 | |
| 411 | ->''"Everyone's favourite!"'' |
| 412 | -->-- The loading screen {{Tagline}} for [[TheScrappy Balloon Boy]], ''VideoGame/FiveNightsAtFreddysWorld'' |
| 413 | |
| 414 | ->''You tell her that not only are they low in calories (a total lie), they even prevent further calories (another total lie). Wonka said people should definitely not take more than one (actually, a truth), but that two might be okay (honestly you're not even sure about this one -- sounds believable?)'' |
| 415 | -->-- ''Weeb's Wonka Game'' if you decide to trick Tori into eating free dough samples. |
| 416 | |
| 417 | [[/folder]] |
| 418 | |
| 419 | [[folder:Webcomics]] |
| 420 | ->''I HAVE NO LASERS, AND I WILL LASER TO DEATH ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE.'' |
| 421 | -->-- '''[[PaperThinDisguise Obviously-Not-Warmech]],''' ''Webcomic/EightBitTheater', "[[http://www.nuklearpower.com/2008/10/16/episode-1047-the-ol-180/ The Ol' 180]]" |
| 422 | |
| 423 | ->'''Maura:''' Hey, babe. Where've you been?\ |
| 424 | '''Clango:''' Nowhere! I briefly ceased to exist in time and space!\ |
| 425 | '''Maura:''' That doesn't sound suspicious at all. |
| 426 | -->-- ''Webcomic/DieselSweeties'' |
| 427 | |
| 428 | ->'''Antimony:''' Hello. I would like to enter, please.\ |
| 429 | '''Doorbot:''' Robots onl... what's that on your head?\ |
| 430 | '''Antimony:''' These are [[PaperThinDisguise my antennas,]] because I am clearly a robot.\ |
| 431 | '''Doorbot:''' Oh! Well... it's true that some robots have antennas... hmm...\ |
| 432 | '''Antimony:''' Also, robots never lie.\ |
| 433 | '''Doorbot:''' Hey, you're right! Come on in, friends!\ |
| 434 | '''Antimony:''' We are looking for a particular robot. A... ''fellow'' robot. Because we are also robots.\ |
| 435 | '''Doorbot:''' Administration is right down that way.\ |
| 436 | '''Reynardine:''' [[SincerityMode Your powers of deception and trickery are bewildering, child]]. |
| 437 | -->-- ''Webcomic/GunnerkriggCourt'' |
| 438 | |
| 439 | ->'''Soldier:''' Come on, guys? Why would I ''lie?'' We're all Americans here!\ |
| 440 | '''Ms. Pauling:''' Well, not ''all'' of us, obviously. I mean, Medic's German and Heavy's from Russ-\ |
| 441 | '''[[HerrDoktor Medic:]]''' (''[[{{Ahem}} kaf]]'')\ |
| 442 | '''[[HuskyRusskie Heavy:]]''' (''[[BeQuietNudge nudge nudge]]'')\ |
| 443 | '''Ms. Pauling:''' Ow! What? Oh.\ |
| 444 | '''Heavy:''' Ha ha! Germany! Russia! Is big joke! Big American joke on Soldier!\ |
| 445 | '''Soldier:''' Ha! You got me!\ |
| 446 | '''Heavy:''' Ohh, America, it is the place I am from. All the time. |
| 447 | -->-- ''Webcomic/TeamFortress2'', [[http://www.teamfortress.com/shadowboxers/ "Shadow Boxers"]] |
| 448 | |
| 449 | ->'''[[GoodAngelBadAngel Susan's Logic]]:''' Look, I've got nothing. Now deny everything to Diane.\ |
| 450 | '''Susan:''' I was thinking about [[ThinkUnsexyThoughts baseball]].\ |
| 451 | '''Diane:''' No you weren't.\ |
| 452 | '''Susan:''' Congrats, Sherlock. |
| 453 | -->--''Webcomic/ElGoonishShive'', [[http://egscomics.com/comic/2017-10-30]] |
| 454 | |
| 455 | ->(Monotone) ''"Oh, darn. Amadeus has been taken out by the enemy, who's not even here yet. Guess we'll need to press on without him."'' |
| 456 | -->-- '''Rikku''', after throwing Amadeus off into the tress, ''Webcomic/FateGamersOnly'' |
| 457 | [[/folder]] |
| 458 | |
| 459 | [[folder:Web Original]] |
| 460 | ->'''Jon:''' [[VideoGame/SuperSmashBrosBrawl FALCON]] [[VideoGame/FZero PAWNCH!]]\ |
| 461 | '''Evan:''' [[SarcasmMode I wonder who you are.]]\ |
| 462 | '''Jon:''' I'm, uh, Mario.\ |
| 463 | '''Azura:''' Mario has the PAWNCH?\ |
| 464 | '''Jon:''' Mario has a poncho. He's, uh, from Mexico.\ |
| 465 | '''Azura:''' Sweet.\ |
| 466 | '''Ashley:''' Or is he from Spain?\ |
| 467 | '''Jon:''' Ethnic minority Mario! Collect them all! |
| 468 | -->-- ''LetsPlay/ProtonJon'' and his friends, waiting for the [[VideoGame/SuperSmashBrosBrawl next match]] to begin |
| 469 | |
| 470 | ->''FUN FOR ALL THE FAMILY'' |
| 471 | -->-- ''WebAnimation/ZeroPunctuation'', part of the end credits in for ''VideoGame/TomodachiLife'' |
| 472 | |
| 473 | ->'''Blue:''' Green did it.\ |
| 474 | '''Red:''' Uh, Green was the one who ''died''.\ |
| 475 | '''Blue:''' [[VerbalBackspace Red did it]]. |
| 476 | -->-- [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMTdbd9NhJ8 among us]] |
| 477 | |
| 478 | ->'''Cloud:''' We're actually looking for a man. Black cape, silver hair, giant sword...\ |
| 479 | '''Cait Sith:''' Oh, you mean Sephiroth?\ |
| 480 | '''Cloud:''' Yeah, have you seen him?!\ |
| 481 | '''Cait Sith:''' No, who is that? |
| 482 | -->-- ''WebAnimation/FinalFantasyVIIMachinabridged'' |
| 483 | |
| 484 | ->''"I have received several urgent Facebook messages and Twitter [=DMs=] from a [[NebulousEvilOrganization vague yet menacing]] [[GovernmentConspiracy government agency]], asking me to deliver the following message: 'Briny depths'. They said that there was nothing secret or important about the message, and that it was certainly not related to any ongoing [[DeepCoverAgent deep undercover operations]] that they can only communicate with using codewords subtly buried in local radio broadcasts. It wasn't anything crazy like that, they just think it would be cool to hear me say 'Briny depths'. 'Do your deepest, smoothest voice,' they said. 'Really sell it. Really give it your all. It would make us so happy. Please, it's our birthday! Oh, did we not mention? It's totally our birthday. Alright, in your best voice, say it: '[[TriggerPhrase Briny depths]]'."'' |
| 485 | -->-- '''Cecil Palmer''', ''Podcast/WelcomeToNightVale'' |
| 486 | |
| 487 | ->'''Woman:''' Ooh a puppy!\ |
| 488 | '''Man:''' Careful, he has a knife!\ |
| 489 | '''Puppy:''' ''[holding a knife]'' Wh-what what???? N-no, no I don’t... |
| 490 | -->-- ''[[WebAnimation/AsdfMovie asdfmovie6]]'' |
| 491 | |
| 492 | ->'''Wilbur:''' Wait, Tommy, you're not actually burning down the forest. That was the one thing [[ArcVillain Schlatt]] put on the book he was gonna do. That's literally the thing we're fighting against.\ |
| 493 | '''Tommy:''' [[OhCrap Uh]]...\ |
| 494 | '''Wilbur:''' Tommy, you burned down the forest.\ |
| 495 | '''Tommy:''' ...No.\ |
| 496 | '''Wilbur:''' Tommy, I want you to tell me that again. Say to me: "Wilbur, I have not burned down the forest."\ |
| 497 | '''Tommy:''' Wilbur, I'm– [[ExactWords the forest is alive]].\ |
| 498 | ''({{Beat}})''\ |
| 499 | '''Wilbur:''' ''([[{{Corpsing}} trying to hold back laughter]])''\ |
| 500 | '''Techno:''' How alive?\ |
| 501 | '''Wilbur:''' A lot alive?\ |
| 502 | '''Tommy:''' Yeeah. Lotta life in this forest. [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial Bugs and shit]]. |
| 503 | -->-- ''WebVideo/DreamSMP'' |
| 504 | |
| 505 | ->'''Bowser Junior:''' It's raining!\ |
| 506 | '''Joseph:''' What?\ |
| 507 | '''Cody:''' No it's not, Junior.\ |
| 508 | '''Junior:''' It's pouring rain!\ |
| 509 | '''Joseph:''' What are you talking about?\ |
| 510 | '''Cody (overlapping Joseph):''' Junior, we're standing right here!\ |
| 511 | '''Junior:''' It's raining cats and dogs!\ |
| 512 | '''Cody:''' Junior, we're outside!\ |
| 513 | '''Joseph:''' Dude, I walked over here!\ |
| 514 | '''Junior:''' It's like a hurricane outside!\ |
| 515 | '''Joseph:''' ''No it's not!''\ |
| 516 | '''Junior:''' Guys, do you not see that rain??!!\ |
| 517 | '''Cody (overlapping Joseph again):''' It's really nice out!\ |
| 518 | '''Joseph:''' It isn't, dude!\ |
| 519 | '''Junior:''' It's raining! It's like.. it's like.. it's like crazy rain! -throws a cup full of water- See, look at all that rain!\ |
| 520 | '''Cody:''' Junior, you just threw a cup of water!\ |
| 521 | '''Junior:''' Nope, no, no, that was rain!\ |
| 522 | '''Joseph:''' What the hell is your problem, dude?\ |
| 523 | '''Cody:''' Junior, no, that was a cup! I can see the cup.\ |
| 524 | '''Junior:''' It's rain. |
| 525 | -->-- [[WebVideo/SuperMarioLogan Bowser Junior]], ''[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frXNyMFtn30 Bowser Junior Kinda Goes Camping!]]'' |
| 526 | |
| 527 | ->'''Spikewall''': Attention, Hostile Targets. [[SchmuckBait You Can Come Out Now. It is Safe]].\ |
| 528 | (''hears movement'')\ |
| 529 | [[ImmediateSelfContradiction *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM*]] |
| 530 | -->-- ''Patient Zero'' by WebAnimation/TheParryGod |
| 531 | |
| 532 | [[/folder]] |
| 533 | |
| 534 | [[folder:Western Animation]] |
| 535 | ->'''Superintendent Chalmers:''' Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?\ |
| 536 | '''Principal Skinner:''' [[HesitationEqualsDishonesty Uhhh, oh!]] That isn't smoke! It's steam! Steam from the steamed clams we're having! Mmmm, steamed clams!\ |
| 537 | […]\ |
| 538 | '''Chalmers:''' You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger. \ |
| 539 | '''Seymour:''' Ohoho, no! Patented Skinner burgers! Old family recipe! \ |
| 540 | '''Chalmers:''' For "steamed hams". \ |
| 541 | '''Seymour:''' Yes! \ |
| 542 | '''Seymour:''' Yeah, and [[NonIndicativeName you call them steamed hams despite the fact they are obviously grilled]]. |
| 543 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons'' |
| 544 | |
| 545 | ->'''Darwin:''' Why is everyone crying?\ |
| 546 | '''Gumball:''' [while releasing OcularGushers] Nobody's crying. |
| 547 | -->-- '''WesternAnimation/TheAmazingWorldOfGumball''', ''"The Roots"'' |
| 548 | |
| 549 | ->''"I have to go potty."'' |
| 550 | -->-- '''Tommy Pickles''', a one-year-old in a diaper, ''WesternAnimation/{{Rugrats}}'', "The Bravliest Baby" |
| 551 | |
| 552 | ->''"Gilbert did it."'' |
| 553 | -->-- '''Princess''', ''WesternAnimation/LittlePrinces'', "I Didn't Do It" (Gilbert is a stuffed bear) |
| 554 | |
| 555 | ->'''Arthur Read''': ''(trying to find an excuse for turning the lights on)'' "The darkness was hurting my eyes." |
| 556 | ->'''Buster Baxter''': "Really?" |
| 557 | ->'''Arthur''': "Yeah. It happens to people with glasses, so you wouldn't know about it." |
| 558 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/{{Arthur}}'', "The Squirrels" |
| 559 | |
| 560 | ->'''Princess''': "It was... the wind." |
| 561 | ->'''Queen''': "But there isn't any wind in here, sweetheart." |
| 562 | ->'''Princess''': "No. No, no, no, not the wind. Um... it was a bird. A big bird with a nasty beak!" |
| 563 | ->'''King''': "A bird? In ''here''?!" |
| 564 | ->'''Princess''': "It was a monster! Uh, a big, hairy monster! With boggly eyes! And... uh, and, uh... and, uh..." |
| 565 | ->'''Queen''': "Sweetheart?" |
| 566 | ->'''Princess''': ''(crying)'' "It ''was'' a monster! IT WAS!" |
| 567 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/LittlePrincess'', "I Want to Play Football" |
| 568 | |
| 569 | ->'''Cartman:''' I just... I really need the support of my best friend right now.\ |
| 570 | '''Jimmy:''' Who is your best friend?\ |
| 571 | '''Cartman:''' You are, Jimmy! We've always been best friends. We know everything about each other.\ |
| 572 | '''Jimmy:''' ...What's my last name?\ |
| 573 | '''Cartman:''' ...... ''[Walks away]'' |
| 574 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'', "[[Recap/SouthParkS10E7Tsst Tsst]]" |
| 575 | |
| 576 | ->'''Zee:''' I told you to keep them '''APART!'''\ |
| 577 | '''Kara:''' I did! I ''totally'' did for like at least ten minutes!\ |
| 578 | '''Zee:''' ''(glares at her)''\ |
| 579 | '''Kara:''' ...Five!\ |
| 580 | '''Zee:''' ''(camera zooms in a little closer on her glare)''\ |
| 581 | '''Kara:''' ...Three minutes, I-...\ |
| 582 | '''Zee:''' ''(the camera cannot get any closer)''\ |
| 583 | '''Kara:''' One minute... |
| 584 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/DCSuperHeroGirls2019'' |
| 585 | [[/folder]] |
| 586 |
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