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1->''"I'm an atheist, and I love religion, I really do. And I don't love religion in a snarky, mean-spirited way, I unabashedly, sincerely love that we have religion. Because if we didn't we wouldn't be here right now, being all post-modern and ironic. There'd be no civilization! If no one invented religion, we'd be fucked right now, because in the dawn of man, civilization was...[[MightMakesRight the biggest and the strongest]]. And that's as far as we were gonna go. It was whoever was the biggest fucked, killed, ate anything they wanted, that was it. Civilization was a huge psychopath with a club going "I'm gonna have rape for dinner." That was it. That's as far as we were gonna go. And then, one of my ancestors, some weakling, said "Look, there's no way I'm gonna beat that guy, but what if I trick him into thinking that if he doesn't kill and rape people while he's down here, when he dies there's a magic city in the clouds and he can go up and have all the cakes he wants." Now that's not a very well-formed plan but he went and told the big psycho, and the psycho heard that and said "Yeah I like cake". Boom, there you go! That was the beginning of civilization. Now we can work on fire, and writing, and agriculture. That's religion: it's the old "sky cake" dodge. It worked. But, and by the way things were great for a while, but then what was happening was that shit was going all over the planet. They would just use [[ValuesDissonance different desserts]]. They would tell them about sky cookies, or sky pie, or sky baklava, so each of these civilizations grew, they'd build ships that would go visit each other, and the one guy would walk off the boat and go "Hey, did you hear the good news about sky baklava?", and the first guy went "IT'S CAKE MOTHERFUCKER, YOU'RE DEAD!!" And then oh my God there were the dessert wars, it was a nightmare. They were just killing people. It got so bad that every now and than, [[UsefulNotes/{{Jesus}} some dude]] would show up and go "Hey guys, good news; there's cake and pie and cookies for everyone and we can all share!" and people said "NAIL HIM TO A FUCKING CROSS!! IT IS ONLY CAKE!! OH MY GOD, THE ONLY WAY SKY CAKE TASTES GOOD IS IF UP IN THE SKY, THE SKY COOKIE AND SKY PIE PEOPLE CAN'T HAVE THE SKY PIE!! THAT'S THE ONLY WAY SKY CAKE TASTES GOOD!! I DID NOT SPEND MY LIFE NOT RAPING AND KILLING PEOPLE TO NOT GO UP TO THE SKIES AND HAVE CAKE!! SKY CAKE!!!" So the next time you see some douchebags in front of an abortion clinic, or trying to ban a Harry Potter novel, just say "Oh, sky cake. ''Why are you so delicious?!?''"''
2-->-- '''Creator/PattonOswalt''', ''Sky Cake'' ({{zigzagged}}, as it's partly portrayed as a ''good'' thing)
3
4->''We just need to treat religious people with kindness and love, in the same way you'd treat a child running around saying: "I'm a helicopter!"''
5-->-- '''Simon Amstell''', ''Series/GrandmasHouse''
6
7->''Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people.''
8-->--'''Creator/KarlMarx''', ''Contribution to the Critique of Hegel's Philosophy of Right'' (note, however, that Marx wasn't ''blaming'' people for this — rather, he felt this was a reaction to oppression that would be lifted along with it; also, the full sentence depicts it as "what one needs to get through the day" while [[QuoteMine the common misquote — which removes the middle parts]] — instead portrays it as "drugs to brainwash the masses")
9
10->''"And by the way, driving a Prius doesn't make you Jesus Christ. Oh, wait! You don't'' believe ''in Jesus Christ, or ANY religion for that matter, because 'religion is for idiots'."''
11-->--'''Glenn Quagmire''' [[TheReasonYouSuckSpeech chewing out]] Brian Griffin, ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy''
12
13->''"Convictions make convicts."''
14-->-- Creator/RobertAntonWilson
15
16->''"As we are well aware, beliefs are often strong enough to defy and override simple logic, making them difficult for an individual to let go of."''
17-->--'''WebVideo/BedtimeStoriesYoutubeChannel''', "The Lead Masks of Vintém Hill"
18
19->'''Gary Tuchman''': Can I ask you about your decision to go to church, to be inside that building?\
20'''Woman''': I wouldn't be anywhere else.\
21'''Tuchman''': Aren't you concerned you could infect other people if you get sick inside?\
22'''Woman''': No.\
23'''Tuchman''': Even a little...?\
24'''Woman''': [[TooDumbToLive No. I'm covered in Jesus' blood. I'm covered in Jesus' blood.]]\
25'''Tuchman''': But what about other people who don't go to this church who you might encounter?\
26'''Woman''': [[TheyJustDontGetIt All of these people go to this church.]]\
27'''Tuchman''': No, but [[LethallyStupid you're gonna be in places where other people are]].\
28'''Woman''': I go to the grocery store every day. I'm in Walmart, Home Depot. All of those people.\
29'''Tuchman''': But you could get them sick. What happens...?\
30'''Woman''': [[ItsAllAboutMe They could get]] ''[[ItsAllAboutMe me]]'' [[ItsAllAboutMe sick]], but they're not because I'm covered in His blood.
31-->-- A CNN interview during the COVID-19 pandemic.
32
33->''"Reasoning will never make a Man correct an ill Opinion, which by Reasoning he never acquired."''
34-->--'''Creator/JonathanSwift'''
35
36->'''The Emperor Of Mankind:''' [[AC:Okay, remember The Age Of Strife?]]\
37'''"Kitten":''' Aren't you referring to The Age Of Apostacy, sir?\
38'''The Emperor Of Mankind:''' [[AC:No. The Age Of Strife. Let me tell you... it was when Asshole Psyckers first started appearing, and all of Asshole Mankind started fighting each-other over Asshole reasons. That is when I first emerged. I destroyed all Asshole Religions that existed on Terra. Do you want to know why?]]\
39'''"Kitten":''' [[GodEmperor Because you are the One True God, My Lord.]]\
40'''The Emperor Of Mankind:''' [[AC:[[AGodIAmNot Wrong.]] It is because Religion is stupid superstitious brainwashing crap that makes you into an Asshole. This is why I specifically said when designing ''The Imperial Truth'': that Equality, Science, and Galaxy Conquest is the way to go, [[OutgrownSuchSillySuperstitions and Religion needs to be thrown out a window]].]]
41-->--''WebAnimation/IfTheEmperorHadATextToSpeechDevice''
42
43
44->''"The primary cause of this serious health risk is, of course, not AHS but [=GraceLife=] Church itself. Under the guise of [[StopBeingStereotypical religious freedom]], the church has [[LethallyStupid pronounced itself exempt from public health regulations]] and ignored the biblical imperative to obey governing authority:\
45Romans 13:1-2\
46Let every person be subject to governing authorities; for there is no authority except from God, and those authorities that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists authority resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment.\
47Today, judgement was finally rendered. Too bad it took so long."''
48-->-- '''Rev. Dr. Greg Glatz''', on the forced closure of [=GraceLife=] church for refusing to comply with COVID-19 restrictions.
49
50->''This one is machine and nerve''\
51''And has its mind concluded.''\
52''This one is but flesh and faith''\
53''And is the more deluded.''
54-->-- '''The Gravemind talking with [[HumansAreWarriors Master Chief]] and [[ScaryDogmaticAliens The Arbiter]]''', ''VideoGame/Halo2''
55
56->''Faith is a double-edged weapon. These monks have great talent in the matter of believing, and so they have believed our lies.''
57-->-- '''The Monks' Delusion''', ''VideoGame/CultistSimulator''
58
59->''"Oh so many many ways for me to show you\
60How your dogma has abandoned you\
61Pray to your Christ, to your God\
62Never taste of the fruit\
63Never stray, never break, never choke on a lie\
64Even though He's the one who did this to you\
65You never thought to question why"''

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