Line #35 NightmareFuel/TheOnion


1	[[quoteright:350:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/wi7pvcn.png]]
2	[[caption-width-right:350:NEXT UP: THIS IS HELL, AND YOU ARE THE DEVIL.]]
3
4	Really, some [[Website/TheOnion Onion]] articles go a little further than you'd expect.
5	----
6	* "[[https://local.theonion.com/blood-blood-everywhere-1819569736 Blood...Blood Everywhere]]" is an article about some unspecified disaster that killed nearly everyone in a town. NothingIsScarier is in full effect, thanks to the vagueness of the article. The images are all horrific {{Gorn}}, but the real capper is the ending, saying [[TheFourthWallWillNotProtectYou "Oh god, what's that?"]]
7	%% * "[[https://www.theonion.com/residents-of-indiana-join-together-to-form-collective-c-1819573362 Residents of Indiana Join Together to Form Collective Consciousness]]".
8	* "[[https://www.theonion.com/cdc-officials-announce-free-ice-cream-for-everyone-del-1819571601 CDC Officials Announce Free Ice Cream For Everyone, Delicious Tasty Ice Cream, And Also There Is An Ebola Outbreak]]". BodyHorror, and MoodWhiplash and {{Gorn}} are the least you can say about it. And in unrelated news, about 90 to 95% of you will die.
9	* "[[https://entertainment.theonion.com/children-of-all-ages-delighted-by-enslavement-of-topsy-1819571555 Children Of All Ages Delighted By Enslavement Of Topsy The Elephant]]" combines this with TearJerker elements, given that this actually happens to actual circus elephants in real life. Also AndIMustScream.
10	%% * "[[https://www.theonion.com/if-its-any-consolation-your-daughter-probably-died-alm-1819584197 If It's Any Consolation, Your Daughter Probably Died Almost Immediately Of Sheer Terror]]". Uh, you probably shouldn't read that one. Unless, you know, you didn't plan on sleeping tonight or anything like that.
11	%% * "[[https://www.theonion.com/interim-apple-chief-under-fire-after-unveiling-grotesqu-1819572211 Interim Apple Chief Under Fire After Unveiling Grotesque New MacBook]]". When they said "grotesque", they weren't messing around. It makes you wonder why someone would be creepy enough to invent such a thing that is sentient.
12	%% * "[[https://local.theonion.com/kidnapped-boy-found-safe-imagines-kidnapped-boy-1819570345 Kidnapped Boy Found Safe, Imagines Kidnapped Boy]]". ''Jeez.''
13	%% * "[[https://www.theonion.com/mother-teresa-sent-to-hell-in-wacky-afterlife-mix-up-1819564421 Mother Teresa Sent To Hell In Wacky Afterlife Mix-Up]]".
14	%% * "[[https://entertainment.theonion.com/neverland-ranch-investigators-discover-corpse-of-real-m-1819567771 Neverland Ranch Investigators Discovers Corpse Of Real Michael Jackson]]". [[HarsherInHindsight Written in 2005, four years before Jackson’s actual death.]]
15	%% * "[[https://www.theonion.com/no-parent-should-ever-have-to-bury-his-child-alive-1819584647 No Parent Should Ever Have To Bury His Child Alive]]". Holee-shit.
16	%% * In The Know: "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVuTufXPxZY Should We Do More To Reduce Violence In Our Dreams?]]"
17	%% * "[[https://www.theonion.com/there-was-definitely-a-point-during-that-stoning-where-1819584695 There Was Definitely A Point During That Stoning Where We All Thought, 'Is This Weird?']]"
18	%% * "[[https://politics.theonion.com/victim-in-fatal-car-accident-tragically-not-glenn-beck-1819594874 Victim In Fatal Car Accident Tragically Not Glenn Beck]]", specifically the description of how the victim, who was not Glenn Beck, died. Don't read it if you want to sleep tonight.
19	%% * "[[https://local.theonion.com/abusive-father-cant-wait-to-see-the-art-hes-inspiring-h-1819573241 Abusive Father Can't Wait To See The Art He's Inspiring His Kids To Create]]"
20	%% * "[[https://www.theonion.com/scientists-look-one-third-of-the-human-race-has-to-di-1819573235 Scientists: 'Look, One-Third Of The Human Race Has To Die For Civilization To Be Sustainable, So How Do We Want To Do This?']]"
21	%% * "[[https://www.theonion.com/detectives-overlooked-casey-anthonys-i-killed-my-daught-1819574249 Detectives Overlooked Casey Anthony's 'I Killed My Daughter AMA' On Reddit]]"
22	%% * The later episodes of ''WebVideo/SexHouse'' are increasingly disturbing.
23	* The FetusTerrible mentioned in "[[https://www.theonion.com/cut-this-monster-out-of-me-1819584794 Kate Middleton: Cut This Monster Out of Me]]". Closely followed by "[[https://www.theonion.com/royal-family-releases-kate-middleton-ultrasound-image-1819574284 Royal Family Releases Kate Middleton Ultrasound Image]]". The [[https://www.theonion.com/tag/royal-baby Royal Baby]] coverage gets more gory and horrific as it goes along, culminating in [[https://www.theonion.com/royal-baby-born-1819575291 the baby's birth]], covered in a completely-normal sounding article... turned horrifying by the ''abomination pictured above it, as well as the [[{{Gorn}} bloody, ripped-apart Kate Middleton]].'' Tokophobia is indeed real, and this is proof.
24	%% * "[[https://sports.theonion.com/in-stunning-change-of-character-bill-belichick-adopts-1819574397 In Stunning Change Of Character, Bill Belichick Adopts Half-Dozen Dogs From Humane Society]]" and [[https://sports.theonion.com/bill-belichick-builds-new-tight-end-from-mutilated-dog-1819574417 its ghoulish sequel]]. You’ll never be able to look at Frankenweenie the same way again.
25	* [[https://www.theonion.com/report-world-now-down-to-5-stories-that-are-inspiratio-1819574565 "World Now Down To 5 Stories That Are Inspirational"]], written in the immediate wake of RealLife double amputee sprinter Oscar Pistorius murdering his girlfriend, is drenched in horrific cynicism about human nature -- anything good anyone does will inevitably be negated by their failings or turn out to mask a horrible truth.
26	%% * [[https://politics.theonion.com/romneys-terrifying-google-search-history-leaked-1819595314 Romney's Terrifying Google Search History Leaked]].
27	%% * [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sm075jVKQ8k Ear Of Genetically Modified Corn Begs For Death]].
28	%% * [[https://www.theonion.com/life-s-too-short-to-get-hung-up-on-the-mysterious-circu-1819584876 Life's too short to get hung up on the mysterious circumstances of your wife's death.]]
29	%% * [[https://www.theonion.com/8-of-the-hottest-celebs-without-their-flesh-1819594478 Eight of the Hottest Celebs Without Their Flesh!]]
30	%% * [[https://www.theonion.com/bricks-goddamned-everywhere-reports-psychotic-study-1819575499 Bricks Goddamned Everywhere, Reports Psychotic Study]]
31	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Npk61XnYU-4 The Onion Reviews 'Gravity.']] Peter Rosenthal praises the film for its acting, cinematography, special effects [[BreadEggsMilkSquick and how it drove him violently and incurably insane.]]
32	* "[[https://www.theonion.com/grisly-remains-of-15-hobbits-discovered-in-peter-jackso-1819575939 Grisly Remains of 15 Hobbits Discovered in Peter Jackson's Attic]]"
33	-->"Furthermore, sources said the body of one hobbit, who investigators have yet to identify, was discovered skinned from head to toe and hung by the ankles from a 4-foot-high ceiling beam."
34	* "[[https://www.theonion.com/new-marijuana-study-says-everyone-knows-youre-high-and-1819595608 New Marijuana Study Says Everyone Knows You're High And You'll Likely Be Stoned Forever]]" is an innocuous, decent satire the first time through, but on subsequent replays, the video deliberately invokes MushroomSamba for various effects. (The original page no longer seems to work, showing only the innocuous version of the clip. See [[https://youtu.be/6y6db6lUaBg here]] for a compilation of all the alternate versions.) Some of the effects include:
35	** The one where the reporter and the doctor [[ScreamerPrank suddenly scream at you]], and the reporter ends the video abruptly by staring at the camera, accompanied by this headline:
36	--->WAKE UP. YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP.
37	** The one with the [[PaintTheTownRed blood]].
38	--->THE BLOOD HAS YOU
39	** The one where both the reporter and the doctor suddenly [[TheBlank lack any facial features]], a clip of rotting flesh is shown, and the headlines indicate that you're in Hell.
40	--->WELCOME TO ETERNITY
41	--->NEXT UP: THIS IS HELL, AND YOU ARE THE DEVIL
42	* In the Onion book ''Literature/OurDumbWorld'' the page for the Democratic Republic of the Congo is pretty much the book's own DespairEventHorizon given how nightmarish everything about its recent history and current status is, and the few jokes made are exceedingly bleak and depressed, but this line in particular is just horrifying...
43	--> ''(marking a point on a map of the country)'' [[RapeIsASpecialKindOfEvil Defenceless 9 year old girl who never thought her first, second, and third time would be like this.]]
44	%% * "[[https://www.theonion.com/not-quite-perfect-mcdonalds-opens-in-illinois-outlet-ma-1819567838 'Not Quite Perfect' McDonald's Opens In Illinois Outlet Mall]]"
45	%% * [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vo1IwmaUz90 ONN Exclusive: One-On-One Interview With God.]]
46	%% * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RF70gWlNyw New Psychedelic Weight Loss Drug Transforms Food Into Monstrous Hallucinations]]"
47	%% * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZfM1lkLuMI Denmark Introduces Harrowing New Tourism Ads Directed By Lars Von Trier]]"
48	%% * "[[https://www.theonion.com/dementia-study-reveals-fond-memories-first-to-go-1819577907 Dementia Study Reveals Fond Memories First To Go]]"
49	* One story from the IFC series had a JerkJock [[https://local.theonion.com/potential-school-shooter-gunned-down-by-popular-jock-1819595038 shooting innocent students]] and [[https://www.theonion.com/portrait-of-a-hero-1819572242 previously having written about skinning another student and wearing the skin as a pelt]]. He essentially was AxCrazy and AGodAmI. One of his quotes? "I feel as powerful as a god. I am the Flesh Master. My thirst must be slaked with blood."
50	%% * "[[https://politics.theonion.com/melania-trump-stumbles-upon-dozens-of-husband-s-hauntin-1819579168 Melania Trump Stumbles Upon Dozens Of Husband’s Haunting, Macabre Self-Portraits]]"
51	%% * "[[https://www.theonion.com/pizza-hut-unveils-new-cheese-stuffed-delivery-boy-1819591525 Pizza Hut Unveils New Cheese-Stuffed Delivery Boy]]". FacialHorror at its finest.
52	* "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDWo6m5hbG4 Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar]]". It's a great combination of [[AxCrazy Ax Craziness]], EnfantTerrible, HeWhoFightsMonsters, DisproportionateRetribution, and KickTheDog. Even one of the anchors start to get nervous.
53	-->'''[[EnfantTerrible I want the blood.]]'''
54	%% * "[[https://www.theonion.com/dating-profile-flatly-states-man-looking-for-someone-he-1819579522 Dating Profile Flatly States Man Looking For Someone He Can Control]]"
55	%% * "[[https://www.theonion.com/hundreds-of-blind-pallid-disney-characters-discovered-1819579793 Hundreds Of Blind, Pallid Disney Characters Discovered Living In Caves Deep Within Space Mountain]]" Lessened when you realize it’s a ripoff of Abandoned By Disney, but still disturbing.
56	%% * "[[https://www.theonion.com/no-no-dear-god-no-mumbles-powerball-presenter-afte-1819580211 'No, No, Dear God, No,' Mumbles Powerball Presenter After Drawing Pitch-Black Ball]]"
57	%% * "[[https://www.theonion.com/new-climate-change-report-just-list-of-years-each-count-1819580403 New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable]]".
58	%% * "[[https://www.theonion.com/nation-s-panicked-blood-covered-citizens-demand-you-gi-1831261752 Nation’s Panicked, Blood-Covered Citizens Demand You Give Them Just One Goddamn Second To Think]]"
59	%% * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtg7fNFdZxI Panel of Caged Americans Weigh in on Economy]]"
60	%% * " [[https://www.theonion.com/breaking-oh-my-god-you-killed-her-1836377442 BREAKING: Oh My God, You Killed Her]] "
61	* The original German fairy tale seen in their [[https://youtu.be/zWZngM7ROAo review of]] ''WesternAnimation/ToyStory4''. The freakish woodcut illustrations, creepy folk song, and the gruesome parables, such as “Gerta” being force fed plums by her toys, or the puppet chest that sucks out the souls of children to make them into strangely lifelike marionettes.
62	%% * "[[https://www.theonion.com/new-study-too-frightening-to-release-1819565374 New Study Too Frightening to Release]]" takes NothingIsScarier to the next level.
63	%% * [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuKnR8RvxHY "How To Channel Your Road Rage Into Cold, Calculating Road Revenge".]] The twist at the end is pure ParanoiaFuel, and the OhCrap look on the host's face once he realizes it...
64	%% * [[https://www.theonion.com/papa-john-s-comes-under-fire-for-cruel-treatment-of-the-1846204233 “Papa John’s Comes Under Fire For Cruel Treatment Of The Bulbous, Deformed Creatures That Lactate Pizza Sauce.]] Jesus Christ...
65	%% * [[https://www.theonion.com/i-was-one-of-those-kids-who-always-took-cats-apart-to-s-1819584840 "I Was One Of Those Kids Who Always Took Cats Apart To See How They Worked."]] This is '''not''' for animal lovers. [[SincerityMode We mean it.]]
66	%% * [[https://www.theonion.com/report-probably-best-not-to-even-think-about-crazy-vir-1842899756 "Report: Probably Best Not To Even Think About Crazy Virus Currently Brewing Inside Axolotl."]] Yeah, it's best not to think about it.
67	* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plHVKCaas2o "U.S. Forest Service Kills Off Smokey Bear To Get People Serious About Fire Safety."]] The sample print ad with Smokey's face melting off his skull with [[MadnessMantra "RUN" over and over in the background]] is especially grisly.
68	%% * "[[https://www.theonion.com/my-baby-dont-want-no-medicine-1819583789 My Baby Don't Want No Medicine]]". When you realize that there are women out there who are really ''that'' [[RealismInducedHorror horrifically incompetent at raising children.]]
69	%% ** And it has a [[https://www.theonion.com/aint-nobody-telling-me-what-my-baby-allergic-to-1819584360 sequel]].
70	%% * "[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfsMMVgIToA Ohio Replaces Lethal Injection With Humane New Head-Ripping-Off Machine]]"
71	* "[[https://www.theonion.com/new-seaworld-show-just-elephant-drowning-in-large-tank-1819578125 New SeaWorld Show Just Elephant Drowning In Large Tank Of Water With No Explanation]]", which graphically describes an elephant's CruelAndUnusualDeath via DrowningPit. The animal spends 30 agonizing minutes struggling and desperately trying to find a way to escape, as the cheering crowd turns silent while looking at the horrific spectacle. In the end, the elephant runs out of energy and sinks to the bottom of the pool, where its body is described as appearing to still be moving due to the turbulence its struggle created in the water. The description is so detailed that one can easily imagine the disturbing scene. It's also mentioned that one version of the show has a mother elephant drowned alongside her calf.
72	--> "Eventually, the elephant started making these crazy sorts of gurgling, trumpeting noises that got quieter and quieter before they stopped completely."
73	* "[[https://www.theonion.com/we-get-the-food-and-then-we-eat-the-food-until-all-the-1819579002 ‘We Get The Food And Then We Eat The Food Until All The Food Is Gone,' City Of Chicago Announces Unprompted]]", nothing outright violent occurs, but the thought of ''everyone'' dropping what they're doing and beginning to mutter nonsensically ''in perfect unison'' is [[SurrealHorror very eerie in a dream-like way.]]

Context NightmareFuel / TheOnion