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| 4 | %% This list of examples has been alphabetized. Please add your example in the proper place. Thanks! |
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| 8 | %% Image selected per Image Pickin' thread: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=1390169348066721400 |
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| 11 | [[quoteright:282:[[Webcomic/BloodStain https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/blood_stain_urk_2338.jpg]]]] |
| 12 | [[caption-width-right:282:[[VisualNovel/PhoenixWrightAceAttorneyTrialsAndTribulations Hotter and more bitter than hell itself]].]] |
| 13 | |
| 14 | |
| 15 | ->'''Tommy:''' Chuckie! This coffee tastes like mud!\ |
| 16 | '''Chuckie:''' It ''is'' mud. |
| 17 | -->-- ''WesternAnimation/{{Rugrats}}'', "[[Recap/RugratsS2E13AVisitFromLipschitzWhatTheBigPeopleDo What the Big People Do]]" |
| 18 | |
| 19 | Good coffee can be a connoisseur's delight, while bad coffee is [[TitleDrop Bad to the Last]] [[StealthPun Drop]]. It might be [[PovertyFood very cheap]], very poorly brewed, or [[FoulCafeteriaFood very stale coffee at a cafeteria]], or it can be [[FutureFoodIsArtificial ersatz substitutes]] for coffee that just don't make the grade. |
| 20 | |
| 21 | To some extent, even good coffee is an acquired taste; many people load it up with cream and sugar when they first start drinking coffee for this reason. That's not this trope. This is when the stuff's so awful that if the drinker wasn't in the midst of a MustHaveCaffeine moment, it would be thrown out. Guys who swear by RealMenTakeItBlack and forgo the cream and sugar will find they have a bitter cup of brew if the java is subpar. The most corrosive brews may [[AteTheSpoon melt the spoon]]. |
| 22 | |
| 23 | Sometimes subverted by characters who argue that coffee ''should'' be cheap and poorly brewed, and call anyone invoking this trope on such beverages a snob. |
| 24 | |
| 25 | The trope name is an allusion to the Maxwell House slogan "Good to the Last Drop". It often occurs in settings in the military or wartime, particularly in [[BleakBorderBase faraway postings]] or at sea, or, in science fiction, in space. The unpleasant coffee is often described in colorful and unflattering language (mud, tar, [[EatDirtCheap dirt]], [[AVeryCrappyIndex shit...]]). |
| 26 | |
| 27 | While this trope most commonly features coffee, any bad non-alcoholic drink can go here, such as tea. Bad alcoholic drinks should see the SisterTrope, ATankardOfMooseUrine. KlatchianCoffee may overlap with this, or simply be another Sister Trope. Descriptions of such beverages may be some variant of "ItTastesLikeFeet." |
| 28 | ---- |
| 29 | !!Examples: |
| 30 | |
| 31 | [[foldercontrol]] |
| 32 | |
| 33 | [[folder:Advertising]] |
| 34 | * A spot for Skechers shoes has comic book character Too Much Coffee Man freaking out because he has no filters for his coffee maker. He uses a shoe instead. [[TastesLikeFeet The results are obvious]]; the taste of the coffee dubious. |
| 35 | * A 1979 Yuban coffee commercial has a wife lamenting that her coffee is so bad, her husband "never has a second cup of coffee at home." Parodied in ''Film/{{Airplane}}'' (with the same actress). "Jim never vomits at home..." |
| 36 | [[/folder]] |
| 37 | |
| 38 | [[folder:Anime & Manga]] |
| 39 | * ''Manga/FullmetalAlchemist'' has a running gag of the coffee in military headquarters being awful. And the stuff at the Northern HQ is not free. |
| 40 | * ''Manga/JojosBizarreAdventureStardustCrusaders'': A scene in the Anime shows Joseph Joestar and Mohammed Avdol sitting on the floor doing a tea ceremony. With all of his Anti-Japanese sentiment glory, Joesph decided to make instant coffee instead. As soon as he took a sip of his coffee, Joseph commented how Japanese coffee taste awful until Advol reminded him that it was American coffee. |
| 41 | * This is Ms Smith's reaction in ''Manga/MonsterMusume'' when she tries drinking a cup of the cheap instant coffee served at a police command center. On the other hand, she thinks that Kimihito's coffee is the best brew ever, which confuses the heck out of him because it's the cheap instant stuff. |
| 42 | * ''Franchise/OnePiece'': In Ace's cover story, the Marines on their ship are complaining about the coffee being really bitter and all-around distasteful. (Adding milk, courtesy of one Marine officer's dairy farmer daughter, seems to improve the coffee ... which as noted above is TruthInTelevision.) |
| 43 | * In ''Anime/PhantomQuestCorp'', Detective Karino works in the police's U Division, which deals with the "oddball" cases. As such, its budget is absolutely pathetic. Not only is the office is too small..but his chief also complains about the lousy quality of the powdered tea they get. |
| 44 | * In ''Anime/ZoidsChaoticCentury'', Fiona's TrademarkFavoriteFood is salt. She puts it on or in everything she makes, including the coffee. [[RealityIsUnrealistic This is not necessarily a bad thing in itself]], but we're not talking about adding a pinch of salt to the water before boiling like some coffee connoisseurs do. Van normally likes drinking coffee, but can't drink anything she brews up because she uses salt instead of sugar. |
| 45 | [[/folder]] |
| 46 | |
| 47 | [[folder:Audio Plays]] |
| 48 | * ''AudioPlay/BigFinishDoctorWho'': In "The Heavenly Paradigm", the Master is disgusted by the coffee being served in 1970's England, and advises Cole Jarnish to wait till the mid-1980's before trying any. |
| 49 | [[/folder]] |
| 50 | |
| 51 | [[folder:Comic Books]] |
| 52 | * In Creator/WarrenEllis' run in ''ComicBook/ExcaliburMarvelComics'', there are a few lines indicating that Moira [=MacTaggert=]'s coffee wi just awful (issue #88, in special, is a bit of a ragfest). |
| 53 | * The very first lines spoken in ''ComicBook/{{Planetary}}'', in a crappy diner in the middle of nowhere: |
| 54 | -->'''Elijah Snow:''' Coffee tastes like your dog took a leak in it.\ |
| 55 | '''Waitress:''' Dawg's gotta go someplace. |
| 56 | * ''ComicBook/{{Preacher}}'': When a [[JurisdictionFriction federal cop tells the state cop]] their coffee tastes like someone came in it, the state cop snarks back that they were so excited to finally get a 'real' cop that they just couldn't contain themselves. |
| 57 | * Clea’s view on Earth’s coffee supply in ''ComicBook/Strange2022''. It’s impossible to get the good stuff on this planet (and possibly in this dimension). Fortunately, she has other options. |
| 58 | [[/folder]] |
| 59 | |
| 60 | [[folder:Comic Strips]] |
| 61 | * The bus drivers in ''ComicStrip/{{Crankshaft}}'' endure Lena's notoriously bad coffee (which is still better than her unspeakable brownies). |
| 62 | * ''ComicStrip/{{Garfield}}'' |
| 63 | ** In Irma's diner where Jon complains about the drink he was sold; he couldn't tell whether it was coffee or tea because it tasted like turpentine. |
| 64 | --->'''Irma:''' Oh, that's our coffee. Our tea tastes like transmission fluid. |
| 65 | ** [[https://www.gocomics.com/garfield/1992/03/17/ Another one]] in Irma's diner has Jon ask if the refills are free before tasting the coffee. |
| 66 | --->'''Irma:''' Interesting question... No one's ever asked for a second cup. |
| 67 | [[/folder]] |
| 68 | |
| 69 | [[folder:Fan Works]] |
| 70 | * In ''Fanfic/TheFlightOfTheAlicorn'', Blueblood regularly burns his coffee while he's brewing it. Turns out he's never had a good cuppa in his entire life, so he thinks coffee is supposed to taste that bad. It's a revelation when Rarity brews him some good coffee. |
| 71 | * In the ''Series/StarTrekVoyager'' ParodyFic "The Killer Dame", Captain Janeway has a HeroicBSOD when she realises the only coffee available in the World War Two holodeck program is ersatz coffee made from crushed acorns. |
| 72 | * In the ''[[http://www.fanfiction.net/s/11368588/1/Mountain-Murders Mountain Murders]]'' series of WWE alternate universe fics, Trina Conley is known at the Davis Police Department for her bad coffee. |
| 73 | * In ''Fanfic/OriginStory'', Alex Harris is a "definitive coffee snob" who usually enjoys a special Indonesian coffee blend that costs $35 a pound. In Chapter 30, she is drinking a cup of coffee she bought at a New York City deli while [[TheStakeout staking out]] a bad guy's job. She specifically remarks that she knows the coffee is Colombian because "it tastes like the oily mud the beans were grown in." |
| 74 | * In ''Fanfic/ASliceOfLife'', Princess Celestia's royal coffee-maker, Soggy Grounds, apparently has the special talent of making ''bad'' coffee. |
| 75 | * ''[[https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13919195/1/Explosive-Situation Explosive Situation]]'': |
| 76 | -->Despite having the best medi-wizards in the world, millions of Galleons in charitable donations and a period of peace that had left the hospital almost devoid of patients most days; they sure had some fucking horrible coffee, Ron thought.\ |
| 77 | \ |
| 78 | It was like a monkey had peed in battery acid. Ron had always found Harry's muggle analogies hilarious, but in this case, he felt it to be actually true. It burned roughly as it drained down his throat but it had the desired effect of keeping him as far from sleep as he could get. |
| 79 | [[/folder]] |
| 80 | |
| 81 | [[folder:Films — Animation]] |
| 82 | * ''WesternAnimation/MonstersInc1'' subverts this trope by showing a scene in which Waternoose turns the spigot on a "coffee" machine, and a thick sludge slowly oozes out of the machine. This is ''expected'' of Monsteropolis coffee (much as smelling bad which normally calls for the use of odorants). |
| 83 | * In ''Literature/ThePolarExpress'' the hobo offers the protagonist a "cup of joe", he gags on it, then the hobo takes his socks out of the coffee pot. |
| 84 | [[/folder]] |
| 85 | |
| 86 | [[folder:Films — Live-Action]] |
| 87 | * Parodied in ''Film/AustinPowersTheSpyWhoShaggedMe'', when Austin reaches for the coffee pot and pours himself a cup without looking, not realizing that he actually grabbed Fat Bastard's stool sample which was (for some reason) boiling in a similar pot right next to it. |
| 88 | -->'''Austin:''' Cor! This coffee smells like shit!\ |
| 89 | '''Basil:''' ''[notices stool sample]'' It ''is'' shit, Austin.\ |
| 90 | '''Austin:''' ''[assuming he was speaking metaphorically]'' Oh good, then it's not just me. ''[drinks]'' It's a bit nutty. |
| 91 | * ''Film/{{Charro}}'': Jess meets up with his sheriff friend Dan and has a cup of his coffee. They then engage in friendly banter revolving around the latter's coffee being so terrible that it supposedly serves as a CoolAndUnusualPunishment. |
| 92 | * We don't know because it's never tasted, but in ''Film/DeadMenDontWearPlaid'' Rigby makes Swede a cup of his "java," which consists of an entire bag of coffee grounds and two raw eggs (including shells). But Rigby & Swede are shot before they drink it. |
| 93 | * In ''Film/{{Elf}}'', Buddy sees a sign on a GreasySpoon diner declaring they have "the world's best cup of coffee", and he naively believes it. Later, on his first date with Jovi, Buddy tries to surprise her with coffee at this diner. |
| 94 | -->'''Buddy:''' Reach out in front of you and take a sip. Don't look.\ |
| 95 | ''[Jovie is blindfolded. She sips the coffee and makes a face.]''\ |
| 96 | '''Buddy:''' Well?\ |
| 97 | '''Jovie:''' It tastes like a crappy cup of coffee. ''[Removes the blindfold]'' It ''is'' a crappy cup of coffee.\ |
| 98 | '''Buddy:''' No, it's the world's ''best'' cup of coffee! |
| 99 | * In ''Film/Godzilla1998'', the lead French investigator finds the New York coffee his assistant gives him to be awful. [[MustHaveCaffeine He still drinks it]]. |
| 100 | * In ''{{Film/Gremlins}}'' one of Mr. Peltzer's inventions (which always work great at first) is a coffee machine that, when used, dispenses brown sludge with the consistency of hot tar. |
| 101 | -->'''Mrs. Peltzer:''' I don't think we can drink this... |
| 102 | * ''Film/{{Harper}}'' begins by showing the low-rent life of Creator/PaulNewman's title detective character as he wakes up. He sees he's out of coffee, so he uses yesterday's grounds in a filter pulled from the trash. He doesn't like the result. |
| 103 | * In ''Film/LoveFindsAndyHardy'', older sister Marian, charged with fixing the meals when mother Emily is away tending to her own ill mother, makes atrocious coffee. Andy and the judge, seeking not to hurt her feelings, pronounce it excellent. This almost causes the new cook to quit when she comes to work, tries Marian's coffee, and pronounces it "mud." |
| 104 | * A running gag in ''Film/MenInBlack3'' has Agent K lamenting every morning that "This coffee tastes like dirt", to which Agent J (in the present) or Agent O (in the past) would reply, "It should, it was just [[{{Pun}} ground]] this morning." [[spoiler:This joke clues O in on the fact that J actually knew K, after K was killed in the past by Boris the Animal.]] |
| 105 | * In the Creator/BusterKeaton comedy ''Film/TheNavigator'', a pampered heir tries to make coffee for the first time in his life; he uses ocean water. He adds a spoonful of sugar, tastes it- then dumps the entire container of sugar in his mug. |
| 106 | * In ''Film/PiratesOfTheCaribbeanDeadMenTellNoTales'', the "tea" that Shansa offers her guests is pallid green and has a noticeably phlegmy consistency. Barbossa declines the drink. |
| 107 | * In ''Film/TheReturnOfSherlockHolmes'', Mrs. Hudson serves Holmes a cup of tea he can only describe as "disgusting". |
| 108 | * In ''Film/SonicTheHedgehog22022'', the opening scene has Doctor Robotnik trying to make coffee out of mushrooms, since he's been trapped on a planet filled with nothing ''but'' mushrooms for nearly a year. Naturally, he immediately [[SpitTake spits it out]] for its horrid taste, and we get a FailureMontage of him trying multiple ways of making it work... with similar results. |
| 109 | * ''Film/TheThreeStooges'' sketch "Of Cash and Hash" has the Stooges running a cafe with their usual screwing-up. One of their customers complains that the coffee tastes like paint, so Shemp drinks from the mug to see what's wrong. He grimaces, then says, "It ''is'' paint." He grabs another coffee mug. "''That's'' the coffee." When Shemp drinks from it and makes an even worse face. He goes back to the cup of paint: "''This'' is better." |
| 110 | [[/folder]] |
| 111 | |
| 112 | [[folder:Jokes]] |
| 113 | * This old "waiter, waiter" joke: |
| 114 | -->'''Customer:''' Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud!\ |
| 115 | '''Waiter:''' Hardly surprising, sir, it was just [[{{Pun}} ground]] this morning. |
| 116 | * * Also: |
| 117 | -->'''Customer:''' Waiter, this coffee tastes like turpentine!\ |
| 118 | '''Waiter:''' I'm very sorry, sir. You must have been served tea by mistake. Our coffee tastes like acetone. |
| 119 | [[/folder]] |
| 120 | |
| 121 | [[folder:Literature]] |
| 122 | * ''Literature/AubreyMaturin'': Ordinarily, Captain Jack Aubrey (RN) and Dr. Stephen Maturin are connoisseurs of "the right Mocha." However, months at sea sometimes lead to misfortunes such as rat droppings infesting (and getting ground up with) the beans. |
| 123 | * In ''Literature/ABoyMadeOfBlocks'', Alex drinks coffee at the ''VideoGame/{{Minecraft}}'' competition that tastes like it was made with unfiltered Thames water. |
| 124 | * In the ''Literature/{{Discworld}}'', we have the brew provided by Sham Harga, the one-cook biohazard who runs the renowned eatery Harga's House of Ribs. Sam Vimes likes the coffee here, which is indescribably foul. (To the extent that when Harga actually cleaned the coffee urn, Vimes found the resulting coffee ''too weak'', or, in his words, "love-in-a-canoe" coffee. It's [[StealthPun fucking close to water.]]) |
| 125 | ** Then there's [[TheDitz Juliet's]] tea in ''Literature/UnseenAcademicals'', about which the color is the only "tea-like characteristic". |
| 126 | * Creator/RobertHeinlein's ''Literature/GloryRoad''. The protagonist Oscar Gordon describes coffee as coming in five descending stages: Coffee, Java, Jamoke, Joe, and Carbon Remover. Carbon Remover is this trope. |
| 127 | * ''Literature/HeraldsOfValdemar'': There's a tea example in ''Exile's Valor'' — Alberich got some vile drinks as part of the Sunsguard, but even he considers the herbal teas at City Guard stations undrinkable. |
| 128 | * ''Literature/HickoryDickoryDock'': When some of the residents of the student hospital suggest a coffee break, Nigel says "If you can call this fluid they serve--coffee." |
| 129 | * ''Literature/HonorHarrington'': In ''Cauldron of Ghosts'', at one point two minor characters have a conversation about the coffee served on Havenite ships. One of them insists said coffee falls under this trope: |
| 130 | -->For years, I had a secret belief that the reason we had such a hard time fighting the Manticorans was because of the Navy's coffee. The deterioration that crap must have produced in the brains of our officers and ratings didn't bear thinking about. |
| 131 | * ''Literature/HoratioHornblower'' suffers from the problem of very finite coffee supplies at sea. Usually, what he gets to drink is burnt bread and hot water. When a Turkish official visits his ship in ''Atropos'', his diplomatic facade is perfect except for a brief moment in which he tastes the coffee that Hornblower serves. |
| 132 | * ''Literature/ImperialRadch'': In ''Literature/AncillaryJustice'', Radchaai have strong opinions about what does and does not qualify as "tea". Most of what's served in "uncivilized" space doesn't. |
| 133 | * In the ''Literature/InDeath'' series set in the 2050-2060s, genuine coffee is an expensive luxury that only the rich can afford, most people making do with an artificially flavored substitute. Considering that the ersatz coffee on tap at Cop Central is notoriously bad even by ''this'' lowered standard, the top-quality real coffee that Eve's multi-billionaire husband Roarke supplies for her is treated as more precious than liquid gold. |
| 134 | * In ''Literature/JohnDiesAtTheEnd'', David compares the taste of John's coffee to a cup of battery acid that someone had pissed in and then cursed at for several hours. |
| 135 | * ''Literature/LaszloHadronAndTheWargodsTomb'': At one point, Laszlo wakes himself up with a mug of a Navy Starfighter Corps blend called "fighter fuel". The first swig makes him grimace. |
| 136 | * In ''Literature/SpiritHunters'' [[LethalChef Sura]] manages to make ''tea'' with the color and consistency of pine tar. |
| 137 | [[/folder]] |
| 138 | |
| 139 | [[folder:Live-Action TV]] |
| 140 | * ''Series/{{Angel}}'' had Angel Investigations' godawful coffee become something of a running gag since none of them could afford the good stuff. |
| 141 | -->'''Angel:''' I think my oesophagus is melting. |
| 142 | * ''Series/BackInTimeForDinner'' and the follow-up ''Further Back in Time for Dinner'' has an Australian suburban family [[HistoricalReCreation recreating life as it was lived in past decades]], with a particular focus on food. In the 1910s episode--the decade coffee started catching on in Australia--the mother prepared coffee following a recipe from a period cookbook. It involved cracking a whole egg, including the shell, into the pot and adding a pinch of salt to the water. The reactions of the family members who did not no what was in it when they take a sip is priceless: especially the father, whose job involves supplying coffee to cafes. |
| 143 | * ''Series/BarneyMiller'': A RunningGag, usually with Det. Nick Yemana. The coffee is almost always horrible. Everyone thought it was the way Nick made it, until one time when Nick felt unappreciated and Wojo made some. |
| 144 | --> '''Nick:''' ''makes sour face'' All this time I thought it was just me. |
| 145 | ** In "[[Recap/BarneyMillerS2E11 Rain]]", Yemana picks up a coffee pot that is being used to catch rain water leaking from the roof and uses that rain water to make coffee. When Barney objects that the roof is filthy, moldy and termite-infested, Nick retorts that the roof "[[RefugeInAudacity filters out the impurities]]" |
| 146 | ** And in the episode that introduces the series long subplot of Harris writing a book: |
| 147 | --> '''Barney''': ''to the squad in general'' Anything new? |
| 148 | --> '''Everyone but Harris''': ''in unison'' Harris is writing a book! |
| 149 | --> '''Barney''': [[DeadpanSnarker Acapella.]] I like it. But I meant more in the realm of crime. |
| 150 | --> '''Nick''': Try the coffee. |
| 151 | --> '''Barney''': Aw, come on. Our coffee isn't a crime. A ''shame'', maybe, but not a crime. ''(he takes a sip and grimaces)'' Yeah, that's a crime. |
| 152 | ** And during a water shortage, Wojo tries a coffee substitute: hot Dr. Pepper. |
| 153 | ** One time Barney took a sip and nearly gagged; Nick had replaced the coffee with ginseng tea. (To be fair, if you're expecting coffee, tasting anything else could be a shock.) |
| 154 | ** In "[[Recap/BarneyMillerS2E17 Fear of Flying]]", Yemana's coffee is used to induce vomiting and save someone who had attempted SuicideByPills. |
| 155 | * ''Series/TheBeverlyHillbillies'': Possibly the first instance of this trope on a television series, as it pertains to coffee. Elly May was a LethalChef and her coffee was highly viscous and nigh indigestible. |
| 156 | * A couple of examples from ''Series/{{Blackadder}}'': |
| 157 | ** In Blackadder the Third'', the [[DeadpanSnarker title character]] gives one of his circuitous insults to Mrs Miggins, owner of the local coffee shop. |
| 158 | ---> A cup of your best hot water with brown grit in it - unless, of course, by some miracle, your coffee shop has started selling coffee. |
| 159 | ** In ''Blackadder Goes Forth'', Captain Blackadder asks Private Baldrick to make coffee, asking if it can taste "a little less like mud this time". Baldrick answers that this is difficult, as it ''is'' mud -- due to shortages on the front line, they ran out of real ingredients years ago, so in typical Baldrick style he's been using mud as a coffee substitute, in addition to which he is also using ersatz milk (phlegm) and ersatz sugar (dandruff). Blackadder is happy to let Baldrick make a mug of this for Captain Darling, but [[EveryoneHasStandards even he draws the line]] when the latter asks for some of "that brown stuff you sprinkle on the top". |
| 160 | * ''Series/{{Castle|2009}}'': Rick claimed that the coffee in the squad room [[ItTastesLikeFeet tasted like a monkey had peed in battery acid]]. It was so bad he bought the squad room a cappuccino maker. |
| 161 | * ''Series/{{Crusade}}'': In ''Visitors From Down The Street'', Captain Gideon laments the poor quality of what passes for coffee available aboard starships (it was established on ''Crusade's'' predecessor ''Series/BabylonFive'' that real coffee is prohibitively expensive to get off-world). He goes on to voice suspicions that they only caffeinate the stuff to mess with him, thus setting the ConspiracyTheorist tone for the episode. |
| 162 | * ''Series/Daredevil2015'': According to Foggy, Karen's coffee-brewing skills leave much to be desired: |
| 163 | -->'''Foggy Nelson:''' If we're gonna be Nancy Drewing together, I think a certain level of honesty is required.\ |
| 164 | '''Karen Page:''' What, you don't like my coffee?\ |
| 165 | '''Foggy Nelson:''' No. I hate it. ''[Karen can't help but stifle a laugh]'' I appreciate the effort, but the technique or lack thereof--\ |
| 166 | '''Karen Page:''' My god, you are such a dick!\ |
| 167 | '''Foggy Nelson:''' On occasion, some dickery might leak out. That doesn't mean I'm wrong.\ |
| 168 | '''Karen Page:''' Oooh. It means something. |
| 169 | * Ellery's coffee in ''Series/ElleryQueen''. In one episode Ellery's father (who, it should be pointed out is a homicide detective and therefore used to bad coffee) takes one sip and pours his cup down the sink. After a moment's thought, he follows this by pouring the entire pot down the sink. |
| 170 | * In ''Series/TheExpanse'', coffee in The Belt and outer planets is so notoriously bad that the [[ConLang Lang Belta]] term for it is "owkwa kaka": shit water[[note]]one early scene explains that it's a result of spaceship and colony water being so heavily recycled and loaded with byproduct chemicals that throw the coffee's taste straight to hell[[/note]]. When the main characters take control of a Martian corvette, [[MustHaveCaffeine Holden]] believes he has discovered the holy grail: a coffee maker stocked with bags of real Martian coffee. |
| 171 | * ''Series/GeneralHospital'': Brenda serves Sonny coffee, which he declares to be "the worst coffee I have ever had in my life." |
| 172 | * On ''Series/GilmoreGirls'' this is a running joke; almost nobody but Luke can make coffee that's up to the girls' standards, and no one else can handle it at the strength they make it themselves. |
| 173 | * On ''Series/GimmeABreak'', Chief Kiniski was on a stakeout and his partner drank from the thermos of coffee he brought (which was made by one of the daughters). He asked if it was supposed to be coffee. Kiniski looks at it and says "I think so. Turpentine doesn't have grounds in it." |
| 174 | * The Christian [[TheWestern Western series]] ''Series/TheGospelBillShow'' has as one of its [[RunningGag running gags]] that the title character, TheSheriff of the town of Dry Gulch, is lousy at making coffee. |
| 175 | * ''Series/GreenAcres'': Another early instance of this trope on a television series from producer Paul Henning. Eva Gabor's character, Lisa Douglas, was terrible at all things domestic and her coffee was no different. It would come out of the pot in a thick black sludge in many, many episodes much to her husband's dismay. |
| 176 | * In ''Series/TheHauntingOfBlyManor'' Dani Clayton, an American working as an au-pair in an English manor, cannot make tea, to the point that everyone in the house gives her a [=Flat No=] by the third or fourth time she offers. Her coffee also leaves much to be desired. |
| 177 | * [[https://youtu.be/3tYrWFlop9g In this]] ''Series/HorribleHistories'' sketch concerning historical food, the German soldier the host is interviewing tells her about ersatz coffee, which they make with coal tar, nuts and sugar. The soldier didn’t think it was that bad, until they ran out of nuts and sugar then had to mix the coal tar with turnips. |
| 178 | * ''Series/KamenRiderBuild'': The coffee brewed by Soichi Isurugi, protagonist Sento's benefactor, is tragically bad -- especially since he ''owns a coffee shop''. In fact, the main characters would rather bring in canned vending machine coffee than drink Soichi's; on the other hand, since Build's secret lab is located under the shop, maybe it's a good thing that they don't get much business. [[spoiler:Eventually it's revealed that Soichi is possessed by an evil alien, who naturally doesn't understand (or care) what humans consider tasty. In the final episode, after the BigBad has been defeated, Sento discovers that the real Soichi's coffee is actually very good.]] |
| 179 | * One episode of ''Series/{{Kojak}}'' had an elderly woman come to the station to give a statement. While there she asked for a cup of coffee, and upon tasting it gently tells the detective interviewing her that it's absolutely terrible. |
| 180 | * ''Series/TheLastOfUs2023:'' Joel offers Ellie a sip from a canteen filled with 20-year-old coffee. Like her video game counterpart, she also thinks it tastes like burnt shit. Joel just keeps chugging it anyway. |
| 181 | * ''Series/{{MASH}}'' had several examples. In one episode, it's commented that the coffee is improving, because it's ''less purple''. |
| 182 | -->'''B.J.:''' This coffee is terrible, even by my standards!\ |
| 183 | '''Hawkeye:''' And this is coming from a man who drinks [[BizarreTasteInFood lime koolaid with strips of bologna in it!]]\ |
| 184 | '''Klinger:''' Colonel, how would you like a delicious cup of coffee?\ |
| 185 | '''Potter:''' I'd love it!\ |
| 186 | '''Klinger:''' Me too, this stuff stinks.\ |
| 187 | '''Potter:''' I told 'em strong, not lethal!\ |
| 188 | '''Winchester:''' The undrinkable washing down the inedible. |
| 189 | ** Said almost word-for-word in Season 5's "[[Recap/MashS5E1BugOut Bug Out]]", only Hawkeye says "vile" instead of "bad". |
| 190 | * ''Series/MidsomerMurders'': While drinking a cup of canteen coffee in "[[Recap/MidsomerMurdersS9E4 Down Among the Dead Men]]", Barnaby asks: |
| 191 | -->''"Is this coffee or silt?"'' |
| 192 | * ''Series/MontyPythonsFlyingCircus'': "Conquistador coffee brings new meaning to the word 'vomit'." (It's a sales pitch.) |
| 193 | * Narrowly averted in an episode of ''Series/NightCourt''. The case of the night concerns the ashes of a man named Herb, whose two wives each want to keep the ashes. They are temporarily in Harry's custody. Meanwhile, Harry's coffeemaker is on the fritz and the building manager Art fixes it. Later Harry finds the urn empty. |
| 194 | -->'''Art:''' Oh sorry, your honor, I had to use that herb tea to test the coffeemaker.\ |
| 195 | '''Harry:''' Art, that wasn't herb ''tea'', that was '''Herb'''.\ |
| 196 | ''[Cut to Dan frozen in place with a cup just about to touch his lips]'' |
| 197 | * A non-coffee example would be some of Mrs. Davis' concoctions on ''Series/OurMissBrooks''. Mrs. Davis' coffee was usually fine (the time she made "Bulgarian Coffee" notwithstanding). However, being a CordonBleughChef, Mrs. Davis sometimes makes horrid liquid (albeit non-alcoholic) drinks that are truly BadToTheLastDrop. |
| 198 | * Stanley in ''Series/RizzoliAndIsles'' makes really bad coffee. Jane accuses him of putting his sweat socks in the coffee maker. |
| 199 | * On ''Series/SchittsCreek'' Johnny finally samples some of The Rosebud Motel's ''rocket fuel'' coffee and finds it disgusting. Stevie had warned him that nobody ever drinks it. |
| 200 | * In the sci-fi series ''Series/{{Starhunter}}'', Percy comments on how bad the coffee in her cup is. She is seen ''chewing'' it. |
| 201 | * ''Series/StarTrekDeepSpaceNine'' has a couple examples: |
| 202 | ** In the episode "[[Recap/StarTrekDeepSpaceNineS01E05Babel Babel]]", Sisko orders a coffee from the replicator in Ops, and his immediate reaction to its taste is to call Chief O'Brien over to fix the replicator. Unfortunately, when he does fix it, O'Brien inadvertently causes a Bajoran booby trap (intended for the original Cardassian occupants of the station, but long abandoned and forgotten) to activate, unleashing an aphasia virus upon the station. Once the device is removed and the virus cured, though, the replicator goes back to dispensing bad coffee. (It gets fixed eventually.) |
| 203 | ** In the episode "[[Recap/StarTrekDeepSpaceNineS06E23ProfitAndLace Profit and Lace]]", the Ferengi commercial beverage "Slug-O-Cola" is advertised as "The Slimiest Cola in the Galaxy". While highly popular with Ferengi, one suspects it has poor market penetration in other venues. |
| 204 | * Neelix likes to experiment with coffee in ''Series/StarTrekVoyager''. "[[Recap/StarTrekVoyagerS1E5TheCloud The Cloud]]" has him invent a glutinous "better-than-coffee substitute" that drives Janeway to redouble her search for energy supplies (and use a page from the bridge as an excuse to leave the vicinity, despite not needing to actually come to the bridge). During the "[[Recap/StarTrekVoyagerS4E8YearOfHell Year of Hell]]", he tries again with a concoction made of ration cubes. |
| 205 | -->'''[[TheStoic Seven]]:''' It is offensive. Fortunately, taste is irrelevant. |
| 206 | * On ''Series/WhiteCollar'', Peter is disgusted by the coffee coming out of the office machine so he takes the time to disassemble it and give it a thorough cleaning. Neal remarks that the coffee tastes a lot better as a result. |
| 207 | [[/folder]] |
| 208 | |
| 209 | [[folder:Music]] |
| 210 | * In the song "I Don't Want No More of Army Life", one of the verses goes: |
| 211 | -->''The coffee in the army, they say it's mighty fine.\ |
| 212 | It's good for cuts and bruises but tastes like turpentine!'' |
| 213 | ** Alternatively: |
| 214 | -->''The coffee in the army, they say it's mighty fine.\ |
| 215 | It looks like muddy water and it tastes like turpentine!'' |
| 216 | * Kate Bush's "Coffee Homeground": "Well, you won't get me with your Belladonna, in the coffee" |
| 217 | * Polish UsefulNotes/WorldWarI soldier song "Ciężkie czasy legionera" implies this with the following verse: |
| 218 | -->Z czego robią naszą kawę raz, dwa, trzy?\ |
| 219 | To zupełnie nieciekawe, raz, dwa, trzy\ |
| 220 | or "What's our coffee made of, [[YouDONOTWanttoKnow it's really not interesting at all]] |
| 221 | [[/folder]] |
| 222 | |
| 223 | [[folder:Radio]] |
| 224 | * Happens on ''Radio/CabinPressure'': |
| 225 | -->'''Arthur:''' Here you are, skipper. Nice, hot cup of coffee.\ |
| 226 | '''Martin:''' ''[takes a sip]'' Ugh, it's cold!\ |
| 227 | '''Arthur:''' Nice cup of coffee.\ |
| 228 | '''Martin:''' It's horrible!\ |
| 229 | '''Arthur:''' Cup of coffee.\ |
| 230 | '''Martin:''' I'm not even sure it ''is'' coffee.\ |
| 231 | '''Arthur:''' Cup. |
| 232 | [[/folder]] |
| 233 | |
| 234 | [[folder:Tabletop Games]] |
| 235 | * The ''TabletopGame/{{Deadlands}}'' setting has a spell called "Coffin Varnish,"[[note]] an old term for bad coffee [[/note]] which conjures coffee of this kind that doubles as a HideousHangoverCure. |
| 236 | * In the TabletopGame/{{GURPS}} setting ''TabletopGame/TranshumanSpace'', "Martian coffee" is slang for "really bad coffee" (because of the poor water quality in the Martian colonies). The colonists tend to spice it very heavily to mitigate the taste. |
| 237 | * ''TableTopGame/DungeonsAndDragons'': In the ''TabletopGame/ForgottenRealms'' setting, poor quality [[{{Uncoffee}} kaeth]] is known in the southern Sword Coast as ''ortulag'', a word that roughly translates to "chamber pot rinse warmed over". |
| 238 | [[/folder]] |
| 239 | |
| 240 | [[folder:Theatre]] |
| 241 | * ''Theatre/LookHomewardAngel'': The guests at the Gant boarding house, who are in general awful whiners, complain about the coffee. |
| 242 | -->'''Mrs. Clatt''': I don't know what Mrs. Gant makes this coffee out of. There isn't a bean invented tastes like this. |
| 243 | [[/folder]] |
| 244 | |
| 245 | [[folder:Video Games]] |
| 246 | * Kyoko in ''VideoGame/DigimonStoryCyberSleuth'' makes coffee with seaweed and red bean paste. Just one sip knocks the player character out cold. |
| 247 | * Cups of Coffee in ''VideoGame/Earthbound1994'' heal a piddling 12 [=HP=], making them worthless even in the beginning of the game where Bread Rolls and Hamburgers are readily available. That they're dropped by Scalding Coffee Cups, implying that you're drinking what was once an inexplicably living creature, [[{{Squick}} doesn't help either]]. The flavor text suggests that there's actually nothing wrong with the coffee itself, but that Ness and his friends don't like it because they are children: |
| 248 | --> "If you drink this, you recover about 12 HP. I guess it tastes good to adults." |
| 249 | * ''VideoGame/TheLastOfUsPartII'': Ellie can't understand why Joel would want to drink coffee, given that she thinks coffee tastes like "burnt shit," an opinion shared by Dina. However, it has been [[AfterTheEnd a quarter century]] since the last coffee beans were roasted, so they may have just gone bad. |
| 250 | * In the Future Chapter of ''VideoGame/LiveALive'', the first thing Cube learns to do is make a cup of coffee, which he inevitably makes so repulsively strong that nobody wants to drink it. [[spoiler:It culminates when Corporal Darth, who went from hating all robots to becoming FireForgedFriends with Cube, asks for a cup in the end and actually likes the disgusting bitter taste. Then again, considering [[AIIsACrapshoot everything]] ''[[DwindlingParty else]]'' [[SuperPersistentPredator that]] happened during that chapter, it's possible that drinking bad-tasting coffee was probably the least of Darth's concerns...]] |
| 251 | * In ''VideoGame/MaxPayne'', Max makes a stop during his one-man war on the mob at an [[GreasySpoon all-night diner]] where he drinks several cups of coffee that in his own words "tasted like engine oil." |
| 252 | * One of Cole Cassidy's lines in ''VideoGame/{{Overwatch}}'' at the start of a match in the Route 66 map while the team is in a spawn point that is a diner is "Yeah, I wouldn't drink the coffee. Always tasted like boiled dirt." |
| 253 | * In ''VisualNovel/PhoenixWrightAceAttorney'', the coffee that LethalChef Armstrong serves is, in [[MustHaveCaffeine coffee addict]] Godot's words: [[BileFascination "worth a sip just for the experience."]] Just a single sip... |
| 254 | * ''VideoGame/WeHappyFew'': Overlaps with {{Uncoffee}}--The populace of Wellington Wells make do with "toasted chicory" [[spoiler: but you ''can'' find actual coffee within the upper echelons of society]]. It's not ''bad'' as such; just very inferior. |
| 255 | [[/folder]] |
| 256 | |
| 257 | [[folder:Web Animation]] |
| 258 | * ''WebAnimation/AstroLOLogy'': "The Perfect Bean" begins with Virgo going to a café where she's served a cup of coffee that smells good and has attractive foam art, but, judging from her reaction, tastes terrible. The next place she goes to is no better. |
| 259 | * One of the [="MessageMates"=] (small programs which display a short humorous animation and end with a message ... and try to infect your computer with spyware), titled "Bad Coffee", is about the characters complaining that the coffee they're drinking tastes like "monkey piss" and then discovering an actual monkey inside the coffee vending machine. |
| 260 | [[/folder]] |
| 261 | |
| 262 | [[folder:Webcomics]] |
| 263 | * In ''Webcomic/AwfulHospital'', the "Blackish Foam" [[http://www.bogleech.com/awfulhospital/651.html served]] by Joe [[spoiler:([[ReforgedIntoAMinion formerly known as Jay]])]] counts as coffee insofar as it's served at a cafe, and turns out to be exceptionally poisonous when applied to an open wound. |
| 264 | -->"...it smells like burnt tire rubber with just a hint of something like cold bacon fat. The only thing you're certain of is that this will never enter your mouth." |
| 265 | * In [[http://sigeel.deviantart.com/art/49-taste-379577828 this]] page from ''Webcomic/BloodStain'', Elliot can barely drink Serge's coffee, but since she's a new employee she doesn't want to rock the boat, so she says that it's great. |
| 266 | ** Elliot's not any better at making coffee. When she made some at her old job as a waitress, it made ''her boss' hair fall out''. |
| 267 | * In ''Webcomic/{{Freefall}}'', after Florence the [[UpliftedAnimal Bowman's Wolf]] expresses concern about coffee being possibly toxic to her, Dvorak [[http://freefall.purrsia.com/ff2700/fc02700.htm synthesizes a canine-safe substitute.]] It ''smells'' like a frightened rabbit, which is distinctly appealing to her wolf instincts, but the ''taste'' drove her to scald the taste off her tongue with regular coffee. |
| 268 | * ''Webcomic/TheOrderOfTheStick'': |
| 269 | ** In the graphic novel ''[[Recap/TheOrderOfTheStickStartOfDarkness Start of Darkness]]'', Xykon is something of a bad coffee ''fan'', as drinking a really horrible cup of coffee reminds him of all the good coffee he can compare it to, and if it's ''really'' bad these reminders are more like desperate flashbacks trying to forget the taste. He violently flies off the handle when he tries his first coffee after becoming undead, and can't taste it at all, good or bad. (Apparently before they met Xykon, Redcloak and the other goblins occasionally used the terrible coffee Xykon was experiencing as an improvised weapon.) |
| 270 | ** In one strip, Vaarsuvius pranks Belkar by leaving out "Explosive Runes" brand coffee. V filtered the coffee through Roy's sweaty socks, to ensure Belkar would be disgusted enough to grab and read the coffee can, and reading the runes causes them to... well, explode in Belkar's face. |
| 271 | * In ''Webcomic/SchlockMercenary'', a particularly bad cup of coffee is described as tasting "like caffeine lost a knife fight with the color brown". |
| 272 | * In ''Webcomic/SomethingPositive'', Aubrey complains that the coffee in a donut shop "tastes just like a diaper smells." Flinging the cup to the ground, she claims that she could "menstruate a better cup of coffee." When the cashier tells her to leave or he'll call the police, she counters with, "When it comes to bad coffee and donuts, [[DonutMessWithACop whose side do you think a cop will be on]]?" |
| 273 | [[/folder]] |
| 274 | |
| 275 | [[folder:Web Original]] |
| 276 | * Satirical Website/{{Twitter}} feed [[https://twitter.com/swear_trek Swear Trek]] commemorated AprilFoolsDay 2017 with a series of [=GIF=]s of different characters from ''Franchise/StarTrek'' (and some other sci-fi series) [[https://twitter.com/swear_trek/status/848154599097872384 captioned to describe how awful the coffee was that day]] by increasingly disgusting comparisons, including Janeway comparing it to "a Gorn's ballsack", [[Franchise/StarWars Luke Skywalker]] saying it was "Jawa pee" and [[Franchise/DoctorWho The Doctor]] calling it "Yeti piss". |
| 277 | [[/folder]] |
| 278 | |
| 279 | [[folder:Web Videos]] |
| 280 | * ''WebVideo/Steve1989MREInfo'': Steve runs a VideoReviewShow focusing on military rations. Occasionally the powdered drink mixes included are just nasty. Steve expresses a consistent dislike of any drinks that have overpowering flavor and seems able to immediately identify artificial sweeteners in energy drinks. |
| 281 | [[/folder]] |
| 282 | |
| 283 | [[folder:Western Animation]] |
| 284 | * ''WesternAnimation/AvatarTheLastAirbender'': [[TrademarkFavoriteDrink Good tea]] is one of Iroh's greatest passions, and he's very particular about it. Nevertheless, when his nephew Zuko tries to brew him a pot as a kind gesture, he happily drinks it, makes sure Zuko can't see him grimace, and surreptitiously dumps it out. He's much less subtle when he goes into a restaurant in Ba Sing Se that serves terrible tea, declaring that it's nothing but hot leaf juice. |
| 285 | * ''WesternAnimation/BobsBurgers'': In "The Unnatural", Tina becomes [[MustHaveCaffeine hooked on coffee]] after trying espresso. At the end of the cartoon, she's so desperate to get her to fix she drinks the cheap coffee out of the pot from a nearby motel lobby, despite it being a week old and having ''cigarette butts'' in it. |
| 286 | * ''WesternAnimation/DuckTales1987'': In ''Aqua Ducks", Gyro Gearloose invented a new type of health drink that, in Launchpad's words, tasted like "old tires." It turns out that vulcanized rubber was a major ingredient. |
| 287 | * In the ''WesternAnimation/RatedAForAwesome'' episode "Sleep Smart", Cashola Company releases a nasty potato-flavored soda (that only [[FunnyForeigner Lars]] seems to like) and has to resort to having subliminal messages played on TV to hypnotize people into buying it. |
| 288 | * ''WesternAnimation/TheRealGhostbusters'': In "Drool, the Dog-Faced Goblin," the fur-covered hand of an unseen monster gives Egon a cup of coffee. |
| 289 | -->(Egon takes a swig from the cup and spits it out)\ |
| 290 | '''Egon''': This coffee tastes like mud.\ |
| 291 | (He examines it on a slide in his microscope)\ |
| 292 | '''Egon''': Never mind. It ''is'' mud. |
| 293 | * On ''WesternAnimation/RicochetRabbitAndDroopALongCoyote'', Deputy Droopalong's coffee is so thick, it has to be cut with scissors when it's poured. |
| 294 | -->'''Ricochet:''' Is that coffee I smell, or is somebody burning a boot? |
| 295 | * ''WesternAnimation/RockosModernLife'': In "The Emperor's New Joe", the Chameleon Brothers serve coffee bad enough to melt a hole through the cup. It eventually turns out the coffee is brewed from brown dishwater. |
| 296 | * In one "Mr. Know-It-All" segment of ''WesternAnimation/RockyAndBullwinkle'', Bullwinkle goes to a coffee shop and waiter Boris suggests "Cafe Minuto". Bullwinkle drinks it and cringes, then Boris says it "should be bad to last drop." |
| 297 | * ''WesternAnimation/StevenUniverse'': In [[Recap/StevenUniverseS3E7DropBeatDad "Drop Beat Dad"]], Sour Cream's biological father (and Greg's old manager) Marty tries to sell Guacola, a guacamole-flavored soda, at Sour Cream's rave. The stuff resembles green slime and everyone in the audience hates it (with the exception of Sour Cream's half-brother Onion, for some reason). |
| 298 | ** [[CharacterBlog Ronaldo Fryman]] later agrees to [[http://keepbeachcityweird.tumblr.com/post/147623331391/greetings-my-devoted-followers-many-of-you-have#notes shill for Guacola]] [[Blog/KeepBeachCityWeird on his blog]] to make some extra cash, even though he can barely hide his disgust for the "drink" and [[DamnedByFaintPraise the nicest things he can say about it]] are that "it is technically edible (even if you do have to chew it sometimes)" and that it can also be used as industrial mortar (or to "clog a drain that runs too smoothly"). |
| 299 | -->'''Ronaldo:''' Guacola. It’s a soda that pays people to say they like it, [[SarcasmMode so you know it’s good]]. |
| 300 | [[/folder]] |
| 301 | |
| 302 | [[folder:Real Life]] |
| 303 | %% Any Real Life examples must have been evaluated by a reviewer, or there must be several verified reviews backing up their claims. |
| 304 | * Quote ascribed to UsefulNotes/AbrahamLincoln: |
| 305 | -->If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. |
| 306 | * Speaking of good old Abraham Lincoln, during the Civil War the Northern army had itself quite the coffee addiction. As a cost cutting measure the Union soldiers were given a ration of what was called [[https://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/wayoflife/10/29/mf.coffee.confederacy/#:~:text=The%20new%20concoction%2C%20called%20%22essence,by%20mixing%20it%20with%20water Essence of Coffee]], a proto instant coffee if you will. It was a mixture of evaporated coffee bean shells, condensed milk and sugar in a tin that soldiers could reconstitute with boiling water. Unfortunately it didn’t take very well. In the winter the mixture had to be broken up with the butt of a rifle and if that’s not bad enough it gave anyone who drank it a severe case of the runs because spoiled milk was often added as to cut down the cost of producing the cheaper coffee alternative. |
| 307 | * Somehow [[https://www.navytimes.com/off-duty/military-culture/2021/06/07/why-sailors-love-a-filthy-unwashed-coffee-mug/ a tradition]] arose in the US Navy that neither coffee makers nor drinking mugs should ever be cleaned. This supposedly made the coffee '''more''' palatable (or rather, less unpalatable) than it would otherwise be. Possibly this was from a time when poor water quality and lowest-bidder coffee meant that the coffee would be bad no matter what you did. In any event, the result was a bad but ''consistent'' flavor that sailors grew used to. |
| 308 | * French soldiers during [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Franco-Prussian_War the Franco-Prussian War,]] when the mobile cantina wasn't here, made their coffee by crushing the beans with the butts of their rifles, boiling the result in a bucket or a tub, then filtering it through their socks. The taste was so awful that a bad tasting coffee is ''still'' called ''jus de chaussette''[[note]]"[[ItTastesLikeFeet sock juice]]"[[/note]] in Francophone countries over a century later. |
| 309 | %% * Some people swear by [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmjLgic62s4 seasoning a coffee pot]] with a layer of baked-on coffee oil, much as one would season a cast-iron frying pan. It should be noted that this is NOT the same as simply allowing a buildup of rancid coffee residue. |
| 310 | [[/folder]] |
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